Testing the water

I went to Mummy’s for dinner last night. Although she’s seen me dressed several times that was the first time I’d actually spent the whole evening there in Lucy mode. Always a chance she will have unexpected visitors but I wasn’t too bothered; I feel I can stop hiding from everyone now so if anyone had come round they would have found out, er, the quick way, ie none of this breaking it gently stuff. Nope, in at the deep end, "Hi I’m Lucy…", no faffing about. Perhaps that would be easier than sitting people down and trying to explain it to them whilst I’m in drab. I can see their minds whirring away trying to imagine me as a woman, probably seeing me as a cross between Lily Savage, Danny LaRue and the not-so-blokey-bloke sitting before them. So I always like to show a few pics after telling people about me; hopefully my actual image is an improvement on their media-influenced preconceptions.

Despite people’s jaws dropping to the floor when I tell them they have all so far said they weren’t really surprised. I guess they weren’t expecting this but they knew there was something about me…

Of course if my dad had turned up last night that would be different, my bravado would quickly melt away into the consistency of very wobbly jelly. But I don’t think I would have hidden. I am waiting a couple of weeks for certain events to pass by then I will tell him, but if he does find out in the meantime it would be silly to deny it. Mum and I talked a lot about this. It’s in her nature to be reassuring, but I tried to tell her that is really not what I need. I just need to talk honestly and openly and hear her thoughts, feelings and fears. And to be able to explain my own feelings and fears without being told that "everything will be alright". Everything, in actual fact, is going to be bloody difficult from now on, so let’s be real about it. She is right though, whether she knows it to be true or not, for everything will be alright, in the long run, and that’s exactly why I’ve made the decisions I’ve made, so that everything will one day be alright. As Lennon & McCartney said, "It’s getting better all the time".

On the way there last night I called in at my local supermarket, not really because I needed to, just because I could. I’ve shopped there 2 or 3 times a week for over 10 years so they all must recognise me by now. Of course that’s always been in drab, albeit with girly hair and nails. I couldn’t help wondering if the woman on the checkout recognised me last night or if she was just being friendly, perhaps trying to project her lack of prejudice, which she did very well. She asked how I was, asked if it was still cold outside, and chatted away saying there was more snow on the way and stuff. She was very lovely actually, she must have read me, but didn’t bat an eyelid. It was fairly quiet in there, an hour before closing on a Saturday evening, but I’m certain no-one noticed me. I’ve read that people’s blink rate drops in supermarkets, as they become engrossed in groceries. Perhaps all the other customer were merely in their usual semi-hypnotic state, but it has to be said that when I’m in drab I always get stared at. Not this time though. As I packed my bag at the checkout a queue formed behind me and I tried to be as inconspicuous as possible. I did notice one little girl who seemed to be trying to get a better look, peeping out from behind her mummy, but who knows, maybe she just noticed that my hair was 2 slightly different shades of blonde. Pippa gave me a clip on hair extension a while ago and this was the first time I’ve worn it, it works well, but despite a recent hair-dyeing session my own hair is still just a hint darker, but not much. (New pics with my own hair have been added to my album by the way, including one from last night).

If nothing else I’ve proved that I can go to my local supermarket without being lynched. In a very mild and moderate sense, this is quite a relief. I guess I just wanted a taste of things to come, very soon I will be venturing out dressed all the time, easy in Manchester, they are well used to it there, but surely more of a novelty in this small-minded and conservative town.

Lucy’s wake-up call will be arriving shortly in a sleepy town near you!

xx