Two down, one to go.

I found out that my dad is away this week so he won’t get his shock-horror email until Monday at the earliest (…and breathe). I was a bit nervy about him receiving the news but less so now, maybe by Sunday I will be again, but perhaps not so bad. I know what I’m doing is right, and the best thing I could do. In fact I feel this is the best thing I have ever done for myself; allowed myself to live, and enjoy life. My brother and stepsister have both been in touch, and have both been supportive, initially at least. There is of course still a lot to work through and I think there are still some issues to be addressed. My brother told me about his new partner, I avoided telling him about mine, just for now. One thing at a time. As I’ve said, I never expected to fall in love with a man, but I bet he will be expecting that even less. And really that is not the issue, it is my gender that they all need to understand.

I saw my GP today. He was very nice, didn’t flinch, showed no doubt towards me or my condition, and said he would do all he could to help me. He was quite dishy too! Probably too young for me though. (You know you’re getting old when…)

He needed to speak to his partners to check on the funding situation, but said all being well he would contact the gender clinic at Charing Cross, hopefully to get me referred. I know that some health authorities will refer you to a local psychiatrist for assessment, so that could be a possibility. I asked if in the meantime I could have some blood tests as I am self-medicating, but he wasn’t keen on doing that, perhaps a legal issue there? Local GP’s are not allowed to prescribe female hormones to men, so perhaps it’s simply fear of litigation, and you can’t blame them in today’s society. To take blood tests would be to assume responsibility, presumably. He said (when I prompted him) that he was probably supposed to advise me that self-medication was not wise, but seemed to think that what I was taking was reasonable. I’m sure I’m fine though, in fact I have literally never felt better. Just need to stay off the booze, which I have avoided completely for the last two weeks nearly, in fact I’ve only drunk twice in the last 5 weeks or so. One of those occasions though despite taking it easy by my usual standards, was a case of one too many and I could feel my liver complaining bitterly. Spironolactone, or oestradiol, or progesterone will all put extra strain on the liver, so all 3 together… well, I certainly can’t do any more bingeing for a while. I’ve also cut right down on junky food, sweet stuff (ohh the temptation), and even coffee in the mornings, replacing fry-ups and half a gallon of caffeine drink with fruit and yoghurt. After a couple of weeks, wow do I feel the difference; mentally, physically and, er what else is there? (Ever seen "You are what you eat"? Shocking!) I haven’t given up chocolate entirely though, that would NOT be at all girly, anyway, is that actually possible? We are only human after all. In the not too distant future (I hope), I will be putting my body through some quite extreme medical procedures, so it’s of utmost importance that I am fit and well to be able to cope with it.

Did a quick bit of shopping while I was in town, bought 2 chunky knitted tops (in the sale, as spring is fast approaching) and a more summery jacket, as I only had one big, and rather heavy coat. All nice stuff and all good bargains.

The Doctor’s positive and caring attitude was very reassuring, and it feels like I’ve moved a step closer towards to my goal. A couple of bargains later and I was on top of the world. I feel good today.

I love being a girl.

xx