Just say "No", or "maybe", well it depends...

Ah dear, family problems, though rather amazingly this time they don’t directly involve me. Maybe I should be pleased, but I can’t be ‘cos it’s just not nice. I don’t wish to go into details though. Had a "difficult" email today, a little unpleasant so I went out for a walk to clear my head, and picked about a pound of mushrooms. Don’t know what I’m going to do with them all, I’m out of butter so I can’t do my favourite recipe of baked garlicky mushrooms with melted cheese on top mmm. I’ve got a nice juicy steak for tonight though so I’ll have a few with that. (I’m doing this on purpose Tiina, in case you were wondering, tee hee. Anyway, don’t you girls ever eat…?)

As I said Sammy, thank you for your concern, I didn’t intend to argue at all, just to try to better explain my situation and put things into perspective. Thank you also for sharing the story about your friend being refused (or seriously delayed) treatment. Another one to add to the list of the NHS treatment of transsexuals, which from what I’ve heard seems to vary between shoddy and despicable. Without the knowing all the details of the case you are referring to it would not be appropriate for me to comment on it, but on the surface it does seem to be counter-productive. To accuse the NHS though of this and that is perhaps too much of a generalisation. My GP was certainly fine, his parting words were, "I will do all I can to help you", and the local psychologist was also helpful, fair, and down to earth. I will find out for myself how things are at Charing Cross very soon, and as I said when I got my appointment, I’m going in with an open mind, but at the same time not holding my breath. In fact the more stories I hear about them the more I wonder why I’m bothering with them. Uncle Russel Reid, if he is still in business by then, remains an alternative option, but not the only one. Part of my decision to go down the NHS route was to allay some of my parents fears, hard to do, especially in my dad’s case, believe me; to show them I was doing it by the book, pursuing the "proper" channels.

But Charing Cross did not write the bible on treatment for gender dysphoria, nor did the NHS, and thank goodness for that. As for self-medicating, I know my hormones even better than I know my mushrooms, I won’t be away with the fairies after my steak and mushrooms tonight I promise. It’s hard to mistake psilocybe semilanceata or amanita muscaria (which I’ve never even seen in real life, and don’t ever eat it if you find one!) for the common field mushroom (agaricus campestris). I found some ceps around here once (boletus something-or-other) which was quite exciting, but they’re not as nice as the plain old field ones, a bit spongy. Back to the hormones though, even the most experienced endocrinologist can’t tell you with absolute certainty that a certain regime is going to work for you; everyone is different. Their main indicators as to effectiveness are the actual physical changes which occur, and observing this they will modify one’s regime accordingly. I’m just getting a head’s start, I’m too old to wait any longer, and so far I’m happy with the results and feel much healthier, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Having said that I will welcome the advice of an expert in the near future, but rest-assured I do not take any of this lightly, and I honestly know what I’m doing. To not know would be stupid, and I’m not stupid. Everyone’s different; sweeping generalisations about what is wrong or right don’t work for an individual. Of course everyone is entitled to agree or disagree with another’s opinions. And those are some of mine.

Perhaps it’s worth noting that I might be in a serious state of depression, or just plain dead, had my various situations not improved in the past year or so. For me at least, the low dose and safe as possible hormone administration has been a good move. I constantly review my actions and intentions, and I know what’s best for me, honest.

xx