Jessica Nova

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Reality , Dreams and Hope

  • Posted by Jessica Nova June 28, 2013 1,348 views
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    Hi everyone. I would like to say I have not forgotten any of you and am sorry I have not been contributing very much here as of late. Honestly, I have been so overwhelmed with reality and feelings I could not stop to express anything. Anxiety and depression are no joke and I really think so many of us girls and guys who are trans can allow this to tip the balance in creating a healthy life for ourselves. My father ,who I have relied upon, had a stroke a few months ago and the reality that I was all alone in this struggle and there was no calvary coming to the rescue hit me hard and created tons of anxiety that I can't even begin to describe. I've felt like I was in no position to talk much with anyone or help much with any matters relating to being trans since I have been feeling so trapped myself. I've had to go back to working as a house painter which is not ideal but I have to eat . I just wear gloves for everything now, I love my long nails too much. Thankfully I'm not pounding too many nails. Anyways.. my reality for now is I'm gender queer. At least that is how I feel. Sideways glances, boobs not too big not too small. As the little girl swinging on the swing said as I walked by "IS THAT A GIRL OR A MAN MOMMY?!!" But that is ok. I had a break through recently. I'm tired of crying. Tired of feeling uncomfortable in public. Tired of 1st impressions. I am ready for some sun in my life and healthy fun. I still have my dreams actually more so then ever. I'm on the road now. Not possible to turn back and not wanting to very often anyways. This new me is ok. There are still many paths yet to choose. I have hope  for continuing contentment. I love you all so much ! It is ok to be me!

     

    http://vocaroo.com/i/s0OihTZ4Ees3 

     

    My latest song I'd like to share. If it gives a grain of enjoyment to anyone I'm happy. 

    xxx Jessica

     

     

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  • Elle Horgan That is the most difficult part of our journey, self acceptance. Without that you get nowhere quick. I know that was my biggest hurdle. Even though many wont accept you, soon they wont matter. Go girl, chin up!
  • Jessica Nova Thanks Traci, Elle and Chalice. Traci, that was what I was realizing about my life and thank you for your support. I just don't even know what to say to you. Love you tons. Elle you are so right about self acceptance. I've also realized that acceptance...  more
  • Briana Purcell Perhaps the largest hurdle is developing the sense of acceptance of oneself. This never happens in a day, even a week, and can take time and comes with the journey. I spent 6 months after I first acknowledged myself and then in the last month or so, I...  more
  • robin w Jessica, I am so sorry to hear about your father....I doubt what I am doing all the time.....do I want to go forward? I don't know. Do I want to go back? No....