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Lucy Diamond 's Entries

204 blogs
  • 28 Nov 2005
    Buggeration My mum used to say, "botheration", but when she was really cross, it would become "buggeration". Buggeration. It’s all swings & roundabouts. The odd slippery slide here and there too. So, last night I was on my way out to my local to meet my mum and her friend and see the reincarnation of the band I used to play with. 100 yards down the road I came out of a bend to see a car coming the other way waiting to turn right, another car waiting to come out of the same junction (my neighbour’s lane). I realised the car turning right was partially on my side of the road, leaving me with a very narrow gap to get through, the car waiting to come out nudged forward, I was forced to brake suddenly and my car went into a skid. I steered hard like a rally driver to try and come out of it but couldn’t avoid collision with the car turning right, and bounced off his side. Bugger. That never happens to me. Buggeration. I got out and exchanged details with the guy I’d hit, who admitted he was "a bit far over" but said that the other driver thought I was going too fast. I wasn’t, I’d only been driving about 20 seconds and was approaching a 40mph limit, and I’ve lived here for 15 years, I know this road… When I got out my insurance policy for him to see I realised it still had my old name on it, the policy is due for renewal next month so I hadn’t bothered changing the name on the old document. I guess I didn’t have to tell him that my name was now Lucy, but I wanted to explain that I was no longer a Mr, as stated on my insurance, so I told him I’d now changed my name and gave him both just in case there was any confusion. I guess I also wanted to give myself some credibility on a personal level, as well as the fact that Lucy is now my legal name. When you’re fully dressed for going out you don’t want to tell someone that you are Mr. Fred Bloggs. He was quite nice about it all, he was a surgeon so maybe that helped. Pippa said to me that it could have been worse, it could have been a boy-racer arrogant youth type, (though I wouldn’t have minded buggering up their car!) In fact he asked me how "all that" was going, meaning transition I guess, so I told him I’d just been down to Charing Cross this week for my first appointment. We compared damage and stuff and his wife got out the car and said, "don’t stand in the road, it’s so dangerous". So we moved onto the path, and he spoke to his wife about how I’d described what happened to him, ie why the fuck I ploughed into the side of their car. Whilst speaking to his wife he referred to me as he and him, she said to him, slightly confused, "It’s a SHE! You’re a she, aren’t you?" "Thank you, yes, I’m a she", I replied, "your husband will explain" (It was dark). I think my voice was enough explanation for her though, and thereafter the husband called me "she". I wasn’t bothered that he was calling me a he, it did say "Mr" on my insurance document after all, but I was glad that it was corrected, and he learnt the proper way to address a transitioning transsexual! So I got back into my car and burst into tears, it was all a bit of a shock. I sat for a minute wondering whether to just turn round and go home, but I decided to carry on and go to the pub. I probably shouldn’t have done, I really didn’t want to be there, when I told my mum what had happened and she was all sympathetic I just wanted to cry again. And I just couldn’t get into the spirit of things, didn’t feel like chatting. Mum and her friend left part-way through the second set so I went too, not wanting to stay on my own. Got home, cried again, and had a couple of beers (left over from the party), something I don’t normally do at home (any more), but these were exceptional circumstances. Things don’t seem so bad now, my no-claims bonus is protected so my insurance won’t go up, and the damage will be repaired whilst I get a courtesy car, I just have to pay the excess. One should always try to look on the bright side, so I’ve been trying…   - The other car came off worse, who would have thought that my little car could have done so much damage to a big Volvo?   - It was a Volvo, tee-hee.   - No-one was hurt.   - Even though it wasn’t my fault, considering I’d just ploughed into the side of him the other guy was very decent about it all, and I think I did my best to portray transsexuals in a good light. It’s not the best way to introduce yourself to someone really… Of course there may be a legal wrangle now while responsibility is determined, but I’m hoping at least that it will not be deemed to be my fault. Although I could have just squeezed through the gap, I did have to brake, and the guy shouldn’t have been across the central line. Anyway, c’est la vie. Shit happens.
    388 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Buggeration My mum used to say, "botheration", but when she was really cross, it would become "buggeration". Buggeration. It’s all swings & roundabouts. The odd slippery slide here and there too. So, last night I was on my way out to my local to meet my mum and her friend and see the reincarnation of the band I used to play with. 100 yards down the road I came out of a bend to see a car coming the other way waiting to turn right, another car waiting to come out of the same junction (my neighbour’s lane). I realised the car turning right was partially on my side of the road, leaving me with a very narrow gap to get through, the car waiting to come out nudged forward, I was forced to brake suddenly and my car went into a skid. I steered hard like a rally driver to try and come out of it but couldn’t avoid collision with the car turning right, and bounced off his side. Bugger. That never happens to me. Buggeration. I got out and exchanged details with the guy I’d hit, who admitted he was "a bit far over" but said that the other driver thought I was going too fast. I wasn’t, I’d only been driving about 20 seconds and was approaching a 40mph limit, and I’ve lived here for 15 years, I know this road… When I got out my insurance policy for him to see I realised it still had my old name on it, the policy is due for renewal next month so I hadn’t bothered changing the name on the old document. I guess I didn’t have to tell him that my name was now Lucy, but I wanted to explain that I was no longer a Mr, as stated on my insurance, so I told him I’d now changed my name and gave him both just in case there was any confusion. I guess I also wanted to give myself some credibility on a personal level, as well as the fact that Lucy is now my legal name. When you’re fully dressed for going out you don’t want to tell someone that you are Mr. Fred Bloggs. He was quite nice about it all, he was a surgeon so maybe that helped. Pippa said to me that it could have been worse, it could have been a boy-racer arrogant youth type, (though I wouldn’t have minded buggering up their car!) In fact he asked me how "all that" was going, meaning transition I guess, so I told him I’d just been down to Charing Cross this week for my first appointment. We compared damage and stuff and his wife got out the car and said, "don’t stand in the road, it’s so dangerous". So we moved onto the path, and he spoke to his wife about how I’d described what happened to him, ie why the fuck I ploughed into the side of their car. Whilst speaking to his wife he referred to me as he and him, she said to him, slightly confused, "It’s a SHE! You’re a she, aren’t you?" "Thank you, yes, I’m a she", I replied, "your husband will explain" (It was dark). I think my voice was enough explanation for her though, and thereafter the husband called me "she". I wasn’t bothered that he was calling me a he, it did say "Mr" on my insurance document after all, but I was glad that it was corrected, and he learnt the proper way to address a transitioning transsexual! So I got back into my car and burst into tears, it was all a bit of a shock. I sat for a minute wondering whether to just turn round and go home, but I decided to carry on and go to the pub. I probably shouldn’t have done, I really didn’t want to be there, when I told my mum what had happened and she was all sympathetic I just wanted to cry again. And I just couldn’t get into the spirit of things, didn’t feel like chatting. Mum and her friend left part-way through the second set so I went too, not wanting to stay on my own. Got home, cried again, and had a couple of beers (left over from the party), something I don’t normally do at home (any more), but these were exceptional circumstances. Things don’t seem so bad now, my no-claims bonus is protected so my insurance won’t go up, and the damage will be repaired whilst I get a courtesy car, I just have to pay the excess. One should always try to look on the bright side, so I’ve been trying…   - The other car came off worse, who would have thought that my little car could have done so much damage to a big Volvo?   - It was a Volvo, tee-hee.   - No-one was hurt.   - Even though it wasn’t my fault, considering I’d just ploughed into the side of him the other guy was very decent about it all, and I think I did my best to portray transsexuals in a good light. It’s not the best way to introduce yourself to someone really… Of course there may be a legal wrangle now while responsibility is determined, but I’m hoping at least that it will not be deemed to be my fault. Although I could have just squeezed through the gap, I did have to brake, and the guy shouldn’t have been across the central line. Anyway, c’est la vie. Shit happens.
    Nov 28, 2005 388
  • 12 Sep 2005
    Out and about, with bells on Just like last weekend, I went out on Friday and Sunday again. This Friday was Kendal’s annual carnival, the "Torchlight Procession", to which I haven’t been for quite a few years, probably the last time was when our band played at the Town Hall dance afterwards. I felt I should go this year, now that I have been relieved of all agoraphobic tendencies. The streets of Kendal are lined with many thousands of people for the procession, and I walked past about half of them on my way into the centre of town. No worries, no fear, no big deal in fact. I suppose if anyone had read me they might have just thought I had lost my float, but I really wasn’t bothered whether they did or didn’t read me. I used the excuse of it being carnival night to wear a short skirt and long white socks, along with a low cut pink jumper and my big fur coat. Quite sexy I thought, not appropriate for a 42 year old I expect is what my family would have thought. Am I bothered though..? By chance I met my mum, we hadn’t arranged anything, so I watched the procession go by with her. The theme this year was, "A life on the ocean wave", I’ve never seen so many pirates, nor have I ever heard a marching band play "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple, strange but true, and it kind of worked well in fact, quite rousing, a chorus of trumpeters playing the guitar riff, and the glockenspiels playing the vocal melody. Anyway I did rather enjoy the whole thing, all very colourful with everyone all dressed up, and it has been a long time. So afterwards I went down the pub AGAIN, god I must sound like a right alco’, where there was yet another band on, and where I met Penny again, who had just finished work for the evening. I knew the keyboard player this time, he’s a lot younger than me but I bought a keyboard off him many years ago when one of mine had broken down. He spoke to me like nothing had happened, so I guess he’d heard the news already! The singer I don’t really know to speak to, in fact I think I’ve only seen him sing once, about 25 years ago, but he saw me talking to the keyboard player and came over and vigorously shook my hand and was generally very friendly. Just goes to show that it’s not just a case of my mates being polite; people I hardly know or don’t know at all come up to me and offer their support/admiration/whatever. And it’s why I think the world is changing in our favour, yes there is still bound to be prejudice out there, but generally people are understanding, tolerant, if not downright awe-struck that there is a transsexual in their OWN town. Cool really. Sunday I was back down the pub, oh dear, sorry, actually I’m not drinking much, honest I’m not. Today’s band was "Riff Raff", with a singer who looked not unlike Johnny Vegas wearing a bandanna, yet sounded not unlike my old mate Brian Johnson from AC/DC. Good voice, Johnny, shame about the image. Actually Brian Johnson isn’t my old mate, though I have met him and he did get up and sing with our band once, in a pub in Kendal would you believe! Our drummer’s dad was AC/DC’s manager, probably still is in fact, and Brian was over on holiday. It WAS pretty cool when he got up and sang with us, (he did "Rock and Roll" by Led Zep), all our muso friends were there, loads of them from other local bands, you could see all their jaws dropping and them turning green with envy! It even made the local newspaper. It’s the sort of thing you would tell your grandchildren about, but since I don’t intend to have any grandchildren you lot will have to do. Sorry to name-drop, but you know, Brian Johnson… AC/DC!! Anyway I’m waffling aren’t I. Today’s band were pretty good, despite the Johnny Vegas look-alike, and despite being BLOODY loud (or am I just bloody old?) One of Penny’s friends said that I must come out with them on their next girly night, which means a lot to me, to be so welcomed into their group. I spoke to the singer from the band who want me to join them, I told him to ask me again next year, when I have a few practical issues out of the way. Though there are lots more practical issues heading my way, it would be good to get into a band again, at least for a while. And there were quite a few now familiar faces who I’ve met in recent weeks who I had a bit of a chat with. Super fun. My ears are still ringing.
    435 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Out and about, with bells on Just like last weekend, I went out on Friday and Sunday again. This Friday was Kendal’s annual carnival, the "Torchlight Procession", to which I haven’t been for quite a few years, probably the last time was when our band played at the Town Hall dance afterwards. I felt I should go this year, now that I have been relieved of all agoraphobic tendencies. The streets of Kendal are lined with many thousands of people for the procession, and I walked past about half of them on my way into the centre of town. No worries, no fear, no big deal in fact. I suppose if anyone had read me they might have just thought I had lost my float, but I really wasn’t bothered whether they did or didn’t read me. I used the excuse of it being carnival night to wear a short skirt and long white socks, along with a low cut pink jumper and my big fur coat. Quite sexy I thought, not appropriate for a 42 year old I expect is what my family would have thought. Am I bothered though..? By chance I met my mum, we hadn’t arranged anything, so I watched the procession go by with her. The theme this year was, "A life on the ocean wave", I’ve never seen so many pirates, nor have I ever heard a marching band play "Smoke on the Water" by Deep Purple, strange but true, and it kind of worked well in fact, quite rousing, a chorus of trumpeters playing the guitar riff, and the glockenspiels playing the vocal melody. Anyway I did rather enjoy the whole thing, all very colourful with everyone all dressed up, and it has been a long time. So afterwards I went down the pub AGAIN, god I must sound like a right alco’, where there was yet another band on, and where I met Penny again, who had just finished work for the evening. I knew the keyboard player this time, he’s a lot younger than me but I bought a keyboard off him many years ago when one of mine had broken down. He spoke to me like nothing had happened, so I guess he’d heard the news already! The singer I don’t really know to speak to, in fact I think I’ve only seen him sing once, about 25 years ago, but he saw me talking to the keyboard player and came over and vigorously shook my hand and was generally very friendly. Just goes to show that it’s not just a case of my mates being polite; people I hardly know or don’t know at all come up to me and offer their support/admiration/whatever. And it’s why I think the world is changing in our favour, yes there is still bound to be prejudice out there, but generally people are understanding, tolerant, if not downright awe-struck that there is a transsexual in their OWN town. Cool really. Sunday I was back down the pub, oh dear, sorry, actually I’m not drinking much, honest I’m not. Today’s band was "Riff Raff", with a singer who looked not unlike Johnny Vegas wearing a bandanna, yet sounded not unlike my old mate Brian Johnson from AC/DC. Good voice, Johnny, shame about the image. Actually Brian Johnson isn’t my old mate, though I have met him and he did get up and sing with our band once, in a pub in Kendal would you believe! Our drummer’s dad was AC/DC’s manager, probably still is in fact, and Brian was over on holiday. It WAS pretty cool when he got up and sang with us, (he did "Rock and Roll" by Led Zep), all our muso friends were there, loads of them from other local bands, you could see all their jaws dropping and them turning green with envy! It even made the local newspaper. It’s the sort of thing you would tell your grandchildren about, but since I don’t intend to have any grandchildren you lot will have to do. Sorry to name-drop, but you know, Brian Johnson… AC/DC!! Anyway I’m waffling aren’t I. Today’s band were pretty good, despite the Johnny Vegas look-alike, and despite being BLOODY loud (or am I just bloody old?) One of Penny’s friends said that I must come out with them on their next girly night, which means a lot to me, to be so welcomed into their group. I spoke to the singer from the band who want me to join them, I told him to ask me again next year, when I have a few practical issues out of the way. Though there are lots more practical issues heading my way, it would be good to get into a band again, at least for a while. And there were quite a few now familiar faces who I’ve met in recent weeks who I had a bit of a chat with. Super fun. My ears are still ringing.
    Sep 12, 2005 435
  • 25 Mar 2005
    Be still my beating heart Pip couldn’t have visited at a better time. Turning people’s worlds upside-down is quite exhausting, and for a few precious hours the mad world spinning around me seemed to stop turning. Time standing still, nothing else matters, just me and my sweet, my friend, my soul mate, my love. Nothing could have helped me more at this time; I’m so lucky, and so happy to have such a companion. You know how I feel Pip, I don’t think it can be put into words, but you know how it is. Thanks a million babe, thank you more than I can say for being yourself and for being with me. Your love makes me stronger, and you are a very special person. Now I must contact my dad again to arrange a get-together; we have so much to discuss. I’d like to think that deep down he knows what this really means to me, he knows how I cannot function by the old establishment rules on which he was brought up. And in time I hope he will come to understand that all this is nothing more than my true nature showing through. It is nothing more than the right thing to do, the only way I can ever go forward. I have reached a crossroads in my life, and now I must either bloom or perish. It would seem that spring is in the air. Time to bloom. xx
    413 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Be still my beating heart Pip couldn’t have visited at a better time. Turning people’s worlds upside-down is quite exhausting, and for a few precious hours the mad world spinning around me seemed to stop turning. Time standing still, nothing else matters, just me and my sweet, my friend, my soul mate, my love. Nothing could have helped me more at this time; I’m so lucky, and so happy to have such a companion. You know how I feel Pip, I don’t think it can be put into words, but you know how it is. Thanks a million babe, thank you more than I can say for being yourself and for being with me. Your love makes me stronger, and you are a very special person. Now I must contact my dad again to arrange a get-together; we have so much to discuss. I’d like to think that deep down he knows what this really means to me, he knows how I cannot function by the old establishment rules on which he was brought up. And in time I hope he will come to understand that all this is nothing more than my true nature showing through. It is nothing more than the right thing to do, the only way I can ever go forward. I have reached a crossroads in my life, and now I must either bloom or perish. It would seem that spring is in the air. Time to bloom. xx
    Mar 25, 2005 413
  • 15 May 2005
    Mr Plow The last few weeks I have been getting into gardening, something I have always avoided, wherever possible. My wife used to be in charge of the garden, occasionally pointing to a spot and telling me to dig, so I never found it much fun. After she’d gone I didn’t touch the garden for years, apart from tending my apple and pear trees, labour should bear fruit, I always thought. It grew into a jungle of weeds, some 10 foot high, and I kind of liked it, apart from the nettles which were taller than me, ugh. My dad just couldn’t understand that, me living amidst a jungle of weeds, so when he saw it one day in the height of summer he offered to send his gardener round to "sort it out". I wasn’t really bothered, the overgrown and unkempt look seemed to suit me (!) but I accepted his gracious offer. So the gardener and his friend came round one day with chain saws and hacked everything down. It looked so bare, but considerably bigger. That was a few years ago and I still never bothered doing anything with the garden, though tried to keep the weeds down, one way or another. Now I have more time to myself I’ve found that pottering in the gardening can actually be quite therapeutic, and now I’m not afraid to go out of the house dressed, there is something very lovely about watering your freshly planted pretty flowers, in a flowing skirt and summery top like something out of a Timotei commercial. It’s not all pretty flowers and flowing skirts though, this week I hired a rotovator, in an attempt at creating some sort of lawn area, and spent a day ploughing up the space at the bottom of my garden where the jungle of weeds used to be. My arms are still aching, but I’m sure it will be worth it. I’ve got the grass seed down now and just have to wait for it to grow. I should go and chuck some water on it actually; it only ever rains when you don’t want it to… My hands are fucked, as rough as sandpaper, and my nails have been ground down to almost nothing, despite wearing thick gloves, but hopefully all the hard work is done now and I can concentrate on watering my flowers and looking like the girl in the Timotei ad. I’m so lucky to live here, it really is beautiful, and the relaxing, calming effect I get from sitting under the pear tree enjoying the view on a peaceful summer’s evening is just amazing. Hopefully I can have picnics on the lawn soon! I’ve been venturing out into town dressed over the last couple of weeks, something I’ve mostly avoided so far in case I bump into anyone I know, though I doubt if they would recognise me. But as I’ll be going full-time in the near future I wanted to see how it felt going out in my home town. It feels different. When you live there and you know that people are going to start to recognise you, get to know you as the local tranny, it is less anonymous than going out in a place where people will probably never see you again. So at first I was a little nervous, something I’ve never really felt since my first time out, over a year ago. But I seemed to blend in well so I soon found my confidence. It turns out that most of the shop assistants here aren’t constantly miserable, it’s just that they only chat to women shoppers, or trannies perhaps. A nice change that, though I must work more on my voice so I can feel more confident about chatting back. Tomorrow I will be another year older, groan, I could do without that really, but at least I live now, I know how to live, rather than just going through the motions. Mum offered to take me for dinner en femme, so of course I jumped at the chance of a girly night out. She came round yesterday and said perhaps we should go somewhere out of town. I said I don’t mind if we bump into anyone, people will have to know soon anyway, she said, "I know, but it’s my first time". Bless. I’ll be gentle with her. It’s quite special being able to go out with my mum like that, and she’s very brave to offer, but of course it will be no big deal. It’s the little things though that make a difference, simple pleasures, gardening, eating out… as long as I can be myself. And no more ploughing, it’s not a job for a lady. xx
    402 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Mr Plow The last few weeks I have been getting into gardening, something I have always avoided, wherever possible. My wife used to be in charge of the garden, occasionally pointing to a spot and telling me to dig, so I never found it much fun. After she’d gone I didn’t touch the garden for years, apart from tending my apple and pear trees, labour should bear fruit, I always thought. It grew into a jungle of weeds, some 10 foot high, and I kind of liked it, apart from the nettles which were taller than me, ugh. My dad just couldn’t understand that, me living amidst a jungle of weeds, so when he saw it one day in the height of summer he offered to send his gardener round to "sort it out". I wasn’t really bothered, the overgrown and unkempt look seemed to suit me (!) but I accepted his gracious offer. So the gardener and his friend came round one day with chain saws and hacked everything down. It looked so bare, but considerably bigger. That was a few years ago and I still never bothered doing anything with the garden, though tried to keep the weeds down, one way or another. Now I have more time to myself I’ve found that pottering in the gardening can actually be quite therapeutic, and now I’m not afraid to go out of the house dressed, there is something very lovely about watering your freshly planted pretty flowers, in a flowing skirt and summery top like something out of a Timotei commercial. It’s not all pretty flowers and flowing skirts though, this week I hired a rotovator, in an attempt at creating some sort of lawn area, and spent a day ploughing up the space at the bottom of my garden where the jungle of weeds used to be. My arms are still aching, but I’m sure it will be worth it. I’ve got the grass seed down now and just have to wait for it to grow. I should go and chuck some water on it actually; it only ever rains when you don’t want it to… My hands are fucked, as rough as sandpaper, and my nails have been ground down to almost nothing, despite wearing thick gloves, but hopefully all the hard work is done now and I can concentrate on watering my flowers and looking like the girl in the Timotei ad. I’m so lucky to live here, it really is beautiful, and the relaxing, calming effect I get from sitting under the pear tree enjoying the view on a peaceful summer’s evening is just amazing. Hopefully I can have picnics on the lawn soon! I’ve been venturing out into town dressed over the last couple of weeks, something I’ve mostly avoided so far in case I bump into anyone I know, though I doubt if they would recognise me. But as I’ll be going full-time in the near future I wanted to see how it felt going out in my home town. It feels different. When you live there and you know that people are going to start to recognise you, get to know you as the local tranny, it is less anonymous than going out in a place where people will probably never see you again. So at first I was a little nervous, something I’ve never really felt since my first time out, over a year ago. But I seemed to blend in well so I soon found my confidence. It turns out that most of the shop assistants here aren’t constantly miserable, it’s just that they only chat to women shoppers, or trannies perhaps. A nice change that, though I must work more on my voice so I can feel more confident about chatting back. Tomorrow I will be another year older, groan, I could do without that really, but at least I live now, I know how to live, rather than just going through the motions. Mum offered to take me for dinner en femme, so of course I jumped at the chance of a girly night out. She came round yesterday and said perhaps we should go somewhere out of town. I said I don’t mind if we bump into anyone, people will have to know soon anyway, she said, "I know, but it’s my first time". Bless. I’ll be gentle with her. It’s quite special being able to go out with my mum like that, and she’s very brave to offer, but of course it will be no big deal. It’s the little things though that make a difference, simple pleasures, gardening, eating out… as long as I can be myself. And no more ploughing, it’s not a job for a lady. xx
    May 15, 2005 402