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Lucy Diamond 's Entries

204 blogs
  • 23 Feb 2008
    For the better of course. It’s four years since I joined and look at me now, how things have changed. I can’t help wondering where I would be now if I hadn’t actively sought out other people like me, and found TW as a result. Would I by now have drunk myself to death in isolation had I not met up with other TW members, had I not begun to realise the value of true self-expression, had I not fully appreciated the importance of my inherent femininity, had I not gone on to seek medical help…? Yet here I am, out to the all world, something I just assumed was never possible for me, until I really gave it proper thought of course, living fulltime, 1100 days on hormones, adam’s apple reduced, top lip lifted, and SRS completed. Physically female, mentally sound, emotionally strong. I drifted around for years and never really thought about how I felt about my own happiness, but I guess I knew things were not great. Being "post-op", in other words being a woman, is just wonderful. When I joined TW I never thought, even in my wildest dreams that I would be where I am now in just a few years, in fact ever. I don’t really know what happened, a domino effect I guess. "Finding myself" on the first few nights out as Lucy set the wheels in motion and somehow I found the strength to ignore all mental obstacles, which is really what stops most people achieving their goals, or like it was for me, even having any goals. Trannyweb is a wonderful place, there are some genuinely lovely people here and I’ve met loads of them in person. Here we can see that all things are possible, that we really can be who we want to be, who we really are. As I always say, it’s there if you want it. Thank you Katie for starting this site and for your vision of such a great community. Thank you Trannyweb, and all who sail in her. Love to you all. xx
    663 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • For the better of course. It’s four years since I joined and look at me now, how things have changed. I can’t help wondering where I would be now if I hadn’t actively sought out other people like me, and found TW as a result. Would I by now have drunk myself to death in isolation had I not met up with other TW members, had I not begun to realise the value of true self-expression, had I not fully appreciated the importance of my inherent femininity, had I not gone on to seek medical help…? Yet here I am, out to the all world, something I just assumed was never possible for me, until I really gave it proper thought of course, living fulltime, 1100 days on hormones, adam’s apple reduced, top lip lifted, and SRS completed. Physically female, mentally sound, emotionally strong. I drifted around for years and never really thought about how I felt about my own happiness, but I guess I knew things were not great. Being "post-op", in other words being a woman, is just wonderful. When I joined TW I never thought, even in my wildest dreams that I would be where I am now in just a few years, in fact ever. I don’t really know what happened, a domino effect I guess. "Finding myself" on the first few nights out as Lucy set the wheels in motion and somehow I found the strength to ignore all mental obstacles, which is really what stops most people achieving their goals, or like it was for me, even having any goals. Trannyweb is a wonderful place, there are some genuinely lovely people here and I’ve met loads of them in person. Here we can see that all things are possible, that we really can be who we want to be, who we really are. As I always say, it’s there if you want it. Thank you Katie for starting this site and for your vision of such a great community. Thank you Trannyweb, and all who sail in her. Love to you all. xx
    Feb 23, 2008 663
  • 03 Jan 2008
    Christmas left me feeling slightly exhausted, and just when I thought I was getting my energy back I go out to a new year’s eve party, drink too much and spend the next 3 days (and counting) feeling totally wiped out again. I didn’t drink that much really, but I’m obviously not used to being drunk having had almost 6 months teetotal last year, and generally being very sensible for the rest of the year. So being sensible with alcohol is one more for the list of new year resolutions. I don’t normally make them, but this year I feel more motivated to look after my body, which I now care about like never before. After all, it cost me quite a lot of money and a good deal of discomfort to get it the way I’ve always felt it should be. I’m 3 months post-op now, I guess it’s all going reasonably well and according to schedule. There is still occasional soreness, mainly when I exert myself too much I think, but generally, healing is continuing ok and it’s starting to look really good. On one of my Christmas pressie gift tags Mum had written, "2007 – what a year!" It certainly was; I finally achieved my dream and sorted my body out, ending years of frustration and unhappiness in my own skin. For a long time I thought it would always be a dream, but a few years ago something happened and I found the courage to tell the world about me and live my life the way I have to, the way I want to, the way I must in order to thrive and be happy; to survive even. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to finally make these changes to my body, especially when the outcome of my surgery has been so good. I am so happy in my own skin now, so content, and all the healing, dilating, tiredness and discomfort are negligible in the great scheme of things – far outweighed by the super results of surgery and how it has brought me an inner peace that I have never known before. So I look forward to 2008 in a way that I have never done with any other year. My first full year physically female. Who knows what it will bring, it may turn out to be rubbish, but I’m ready for anything. I don’t have any great plans for this year (unlike last year), but I am looking forward to living a normal life, getting back to work with the band, and just being ME. I’d like to thank everyone who has helped me along my way, Pip, and all my good friends, and especially my mum. Her support has been awesome, I am so grateful for all she has done for me. Her love shines like a beacon, she is amazing, and I love her. Thank you, Mum. Words cannot express my gratitude, or my love for you, but I have to say it anyway. I’m so glad you have been there to share my journey. In complete contrast, there’s my dad… I don’t dwell on his non-acceptance of me anymore, but I did happen to see him a few days before Christmas. My brother, his daughter, his girlfriend and her daughter were up visiting. My dad’s jazz band were playing at a local pub (one of MY gigs), so we all went out to see him, but only after my bruv had rung my dad to ask him if he would "mind" if I came along, it being a bit of a family night out. I don’t think he could really say no, but I’m sure he said yes somewhat begrudgingly. Of course when we arrived no-one stared at me or ran out of the room screaming. My dad refuses to believe that I can live my life without that happening, so hopefully that is one ridiculous belief of his that has been blown away. He didn’t come over to talk to us during the break, so I went to say hello to him as I couldn’t stay til the end (had to get back to dilate). He looked at the floor, grunted, and made it clear that he didn’t want to speak to me. I didn’t really expect anything else from him, but I couldn’t help but be a bit upset to actually see that look of rejection in his face. I soon got over it though. He knows that his extremism on this sort of subject is slightly ridiculous, and not the way the majority of people feel, certainly not our mutual friends who were there and chatting to me as normal. If they broach the subject with him, he just says he won’t talk about it. At least he has seen me now, so that’s one barrier that has been crossed. I’m sure I don’t look as bad as I did in his imagination! So the lessons I learn from this are not to judge people, always try to be open-minded and if you don’t understand others or their way of life, at least try to accept that as long they are not hurting anyone they’re not doing any harm, society is not going to collapse, and they are probably just trying to survive this life the best they can. Oh, and if you have kids, don’t disown them just for being honest with you, just for being themselves; they don’t love you any less because of it. Peace unto you all, and a very happy new year. I hope you all find whatever it is you are looking for. Be strong, have courage, and above all, be yourself. Much love to everyone on Trannyweb. xx
    605 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Christmas left me feeling slightly exhausted, and just when I thought I was getting my energy back I go out to a new year’s eve party, drink too much and spend the next 3 days (and counting) feeling totally wiped out again. I didn’t drink that much really, but I’m obviously not used to being drunk having had almost 6 months teetotal last year, and generally being very sensible for the rest of the year. So being sensible with alcohol is one more for the list of new year resolutions. I don’t normally make them, but this year I feel more motivated to look after my body, which I now care about like never before. After all, it cost me quite a lot of money and a good deal of discomfort to get it the way I’ve always felt it should be. I’m 3 months post-op now, I guess it’s all going reasonably well and according to schedule. There is still occasional soreness, mainly when I exert myself too much I think, but generally, healing is continuing ok and it’s starting to look really good. On one of my Christmas pressie gift tags Mum had written, "2007 – what a year!" It certainly was; I finally achieved my dream and sorted my body out, ending years of frustration and unhappiness in my own skin. For a long time I thought it would always be a dream, but a few years ago something happened and I found the courage to tell the world about me and live my life the way I have to, the way I want to, the way I must in order to thrive and be happy; to survive even. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to finally make these changes to my body, especially when the outcome of my surgery has been so good. I am so happy in my own skin now, so content, and all the healing, dilating, tiredness and discomfort are negligible in the great scheme of things – far outweighed by the super results of surgery and how it has brought me an inner peace that I have never known before. So I look forward to 2008 in a way that I have never done with any other year. My first full year physically female. Who knows what it will bring, it may turn out to be rubbish, but I’m ready for anything. I don’t have any great plans for this year (unlike last year), but I am looking forward to living a normal life, getting back to work with the band, and just being ME. I’d like to thank everyone who has helped me along my way, Pip, and all my good friends, and especially my mum. Her support has been awesome, I am so grateful for all she has done for me. Her love shines like a beacon, she is amazing, and I love her. Thank you, Mum. Words cannot express my gratitude, or my love for you, but I have to say it anyway. I’m so glad you have been there to share my journey. In complete contrast, there’s my dad… I don’t dwell on his non-acceptance of me anymore, but I did happen to see him a few days before Christmas. My brother, his daughter, his girlfriend and her daughter were up visiting. My dad’s jazz band were playing at a local pub (one of MY gigs), so we all went out to see him, but only after my bruv had rung my dad to ask him if he would "mind" if I came along, it being a bit of a family night out. I don’t think he could really say no, but I’m sure he said yes somewhat begrudgingly. Of course when we arrived no-one stared at me or ran out of the room screaming. My dad refuses to believe that I can live my life without that happening, so hopefully that is one ridiculous belief of his that has been blown away. He didn’t come over to talk to us during the break, so I went to say hello to him as I couldn’t stay til the end (had to get back to dilate). He looked at the floor, grunted, and made it clear that he didn’t want to speak to me. I didn’t really expect anything else from him, but I couldn’t help but be a bit upset to actually see that look of rejection in his face. I soon got over it though. He knows that his extremism on this sort of subject is slightly ridiculous, and not the way the majority of people feel, certainly not our mutual friends who were there and chatting to me as normal. If they broach the subject with him, he just says he won’t talk about it. At least he has seen me now, so that’s one barrier that has been crossed. I’m sure I don’t look as bad as I did in his imagination! So the lessons I learn from this are not to judge people, always try to be open-minded and if you don’t understand others or their way of life, at least try to accept that as long they are not hurting anyone they’re not doing any harm, society is not going to collapse, and they are probably just trying to survive this life the best they can. Oh, and if you have kids, don’t disown them just for being honest with you, just for being themselves; they don’t love you any less because of it. Peace unto you all, and a very happy new year. I hope you all find whatever it is you are looking for. Be strong, have courage, and above all, be yourself. Much love to everyone on Trannyweb. xx
    Jan 03, 2008 605
  • 28 Nov 2007
    I had to deliberate for a while as to whether or not I should post this in my blog as my Mum reads it, but this is my only record of my transition, my only diary, and I’m sure she won’t mind really, she’s not such a prude. Be warned though, mummy – this is a bit personal! Don’t anyone read on if you are at all prudish, but this is my corner of the internet and I’ll write what I like, hopefully not breaking any Tweb rules in the process, and this is quite a big thing for me. The clue is in the title… The "Manual" from the Suporn clinic says we should wait 3 months before attempting penetrative sex, but encourages us to "take ownership" of our new body and not be afraid to explore it. So, 2 months post-op, curiosity got the better of me and after dilating last night I did a bit of exploration. Things have been too sore in places and too hyper-sensitive in others to do so before now, at least as far as enjoyment is concerned, but everything is gradually settling down and is becoming pleasant to the touch. Extremely so, actually. Suffice to say that everything is functioning well, the re-wiring is good, no open circuits anywhere, and within a few minutes of enjoyable exploration I, um, it, err… Well, it was very lovely, you know what I’m trying to say don’t you? Everything works, wee-hee! It’s wonderful to know that everything is in order in that department, though I would have gladly foregone the ability to achieve orgasm ever again to get the surgery to make me "right", so this is quite a bonus. To be honest though, I never really doubted it. Very few of Dr Suporn’s patients say they can’t orgasm, quite possibly they had problems before their surgery, and in fact none of the ex-patients that I know personally have had any problems. I’d recommend this surgeon to anyone, he is a genius, all his staff are wonderful, the whole experience was truly remarkable, oh I said that last time didn’t I. The fact is, the whole experience continues to be so. Needless to say I was feeling very pleased with myself, couldn’t stop smiling, couldn’t help laughing a bit even, and I had the best night’s sleep since I got back from Thailand. And today I feel wonderful, just as any other day, but a bit more so. Healing is ongoing, and still has a long way to go really, but everything is starting to look pretty good. There’s still some soreness, but it’s not too bad, comes and goes. Sitting is still uncomfortable, the doughnut cushion remains an essential item, and even with that I don’t want to stay sat for too long. I am driving again though, and allowing myself the occasional glass of wine (not at the same time), so I can shop and stuff, but I have to avoid bending, stretching and lifting so housework is out of the question, no really, it is! So my house is not at its tidiest (anyone who’s been round will be gasping, "My god, could it BE any less tidy…?") Anyway I expect it will be a good few months before I am completely back to normal, but things seem to be going pretty well for now, in fact things are pretty bloody brilliant, oh yes. Yes, YES, YES !!! xx
    646 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • I had to deliberate for a while as to whether or not I should post this in my blog as my Mum reads it, but this is my only record of my transition, my only diary, and I’m sure she won’t mind really, she’s not such a prude. Be warned though, mummy – this is a bit personal! Don’t anyone read on if you are at all prudish, but this is my corner of the internet and I’ll write what I like, hopefully not breaking any Tweb rules in the process, and this is quite a big thing for me. The clue is in the title… The "Manual" from the Suporn clinic says we should wait 3 months before attempting penetrative sex, but encourages us to "take ownership" of our new body and not be afraid to explore it. So, 2 months post-op, curiosity got the better of me and after dilating last night I did a bit of exploration. Things have been too sore in places and too hyper-sensitive in others to do so before now, at least as far as enjoyment is concerned, but everything is gradually settling down and is becoming pleasant to the touch. Extremely so, actually. Suffice to say that everything is functioning well, the re-wiring is good, no open circuits anywhere, and within a few minutes of enjoyable exploration I, um, it, err… Well, it was very lovely, you know what I’m trying to say don’t you? Everything works, wee-hee! It’s wonderful to know that everything is in order in that department, though I would have gladly foregone the ability to achieve orgasm ever again to get the surgery to make me "right", so this is quite a bonus. To be honest though, I never really doubted it. Very few of Dr Suporn’s patients say they can’t orgasm, quite possibly they had problems before their surgery, and in fact none of the ex-patients that I know personally have had any problems. I’d recommend this surgeon to anyone, he is a genius, all his staff are wonderful, the whole experience was truly remarkable, oh I said that last time didn’t I. The fact is, the whole experience continues to be so. Needless to say I was feeling very pleased with myself, couldn’t stop smiling, couldn’t help laughing a bit even, and I had the best night’s sleep since I got back from Thailand. And today I feel wonderful, just as any other day, but a bit more so. Healing is ongoing, and still has a long way to go really, but everything is starting to look pretty good. There’s still some soreness, but it’s not too bad, comes and goes. Sitting is still uncomfortable, the doughnut cushion remains an essential item, and even with that I don’t want to stay sat for too long. I am driving again though, and allowing myself the occasional glass of wine (not at the same time), so I can shop and stuff, but I have to avoid bending, stretching and lifting so housework is out of the question, no really, it is! So my house is not at its tidiest (anyone who’s been round will be gasping, "My god, could it BE any less tidy…?") Anyway I expect it will be a good few months before I am completely back to normal, but things seem to be going pretty well for now, in fact things are pretty bloody brilliant, oh yes. Yes, YES, YES !!! xx
    Nov 28, 2007 646
  • 01 Nov 2007
    I feel I ought to have blogged sooner, but I just haven’t had the energy. Some say SRS is a piece of cake, some say it wiped them out, I think maybe I’m about average, understandably tired, and lacking energy. Swollen, sore and most of the time in some discomfort. It’s much better when I’m lying down, so I’ve been doing a lot of that recently. I got back home just over a week ago. The long flight was no problem, the hour and half in a taxi from the airport left me close to tears. Sitting upright is the most difficult thing to do at the moment, in a moving vehicle it gets worse. It was a little weird coming home after a month in a hot country, but after the initial shock from the cold and rain it is nice to be back. I went outside on my first morning home, looked out across the fields, sunlight glistening and weaving its way through the autumn colours, I listened to the birds tweeting, felt the leaves rustling under my feet, and smelt the wonderful fresh, lake district air. It brought a tear to my eye. This wasn’t Chonburi, hot and humid bustling city, not the 4-star hotel I had become accustomed to, no buildings, no cars, no street food. Just the countryside, just me, and my house. It felt like more of a culture shock to come home than it was to see Thailand for the first time, but it was lovely, if a little chilly. I was back in my environment, finally with the body I had always dreamed of. Wonderful. So how did I get here? Well I guess I have a fair way to go still, but let’s rewind a little. We were collected from Bangkok airport by one of the girls from the Suporn team in their super snazzy air-conditioned minibus. Rested at the hotel for a while and then shown to the clinic, literally just round the corner. I had my consultation with Dr Suporn, everything was fine, all I had to do was get the all-clear on the blood tests. We met the rest of the girls in the Suporn team at the clinic, there are about 10 of them and they are all completely adorable; cute and petite, smiley, helpful, very good looking and very professional. I was given my dilator kit, which I think scared my mum a bit; those boys are huuuge. Everything was explained to me, booklets given, and a time for us to be picked up to go to the hospital the day after tomorrow. The next day we explored the town a bit, and generally got a feel for things. The day after that I was taken into the hospital at 11am, the day before my actual op. The hospital was extremely busy, but I was amazed at how quick and efficiently everything was done. Within 20 minutes I had registered, had my passport details taken, weight, temperature, blood pressure, x-rays, ECG and blood tests done. Quite a whirlwind. Had I been in an English hospital I would probably have still been waiting at reception. I was taken upstairs to the relative calm of the top floor, reserved for all of Dr Suporn’s patients. I had hours to wait before my next two tasks – meeting the anaesthetist and then the joys of the enema nurse, who shaves you "down there" and then cleans you out good and proper. Lovely. My mum waited with me for a couple of hours then I suggested she go back to the hotel to get some rest and some food. I promised her I would be fine and said not to worry. She told me later it was very hard for her to leave "her baby" at the hospital, and she felt quite emotional travelling back to the hotel on her own. I felt a pang of emotion myself when she told me that. The anaesthetist was brilliant, and went into great detail about what she does and what to expect. She was really, really lovely, and very reassuring. What’s more she came with the news that my blood tests were all clear, no HIV or any other nasty stuff, ECG fine, chest x-ray fine, BP normal. There was nothing in my way now, it was all going ahead. Wow, that was quite a feeling. The sun was just about to set when she left, so I stepped onto my balcony and looked out across the sea. I felt so at peace. It seemed cooler here than in the city centre, the gentle breeze was still warm but very pleasant. There I was in a summery skirt and top, tropical sea breeze caressing my limbs and wafting through my hair, palm trees, seaside shacks, fishing huts built on stilts in the shallow water. I watched the sun fall through the clouds of a crimson red sky and below the horizon. For those few minutes it felt like I was on holiday in a tropical paradise, a single girl 6,000 miles from home in her private apartment. I let myself forget about what was to come and soaked up the calmness and tranquillity of the beautiful view from the balcony of my penthouse suite. A glass of Chardonnay would have been nice, or a rum punch even, but probably not a good idea just before "nil by mouth" time. Besides, I still had work to do. I went back inside, closed the sliding glass doors, and as if by magic, the enema nurse appeared in the room. Moving swiftly on, cos you don’t want to hear about all that do you… Clean and refreshed, I was given a sleeping pill, the first I’d ever taken in my life. It worked a treat and I slept like a log. I never sleep well in a different bed, especially one as firm as this. I’ve never been in hospital before, I’m not used to ANY noise during the night, and this was the eve of perhaps the most important day of my life. I oughtn’t to have slept a wink, so I was glad they gave me that pill. I awoke about 6:30 having slept for over 7 hours (which is rare for me even at home). I was told to shower with hibiscrub and given my gown. Shortly after, the trolley arrived to take me down to theatre. It was just like on the telly, watching the ceiling whilst being wheeled along the corridors. I could have walked, I wouldn’t have minded. They got me into place on the op table and inserted my drip. One of the ladies chatted to me a little, "You speak Thai?" "Nope. I know – sawat dee kaa, kob khun kaa, that’s about it." "Sawat dee KAA", she said with glee. You hear that a lot in Thailand, a general greeting, hello or goodbye, usually accompanied by a hands together as if in prayer gesture and a small bow. Very civilised these people. Mrs anaesthetist came to my side and held my hand. "Are you ready?" "Yes, I’m ready. In her gentle, soft voice, "Ok Lucy, I’m going to put you to sleep now…"I wasn’t aware of falling asleep, but I did feel warm and glowy for a second or two, must have been something in that "cocktail" she had told me about. I closed my eyes and smiled, feeling rather nice, then I guess I was out for the count. The count was about seven hours, but to me it was the blink of an eye. I opened my eyes and was back in my room, my mum apparently pacing up and down it. I smiled at her. Even though I hadn’t been aware of falling asleep and had only closed my eyes a second ago it was nice that the first thing I should see was her. I wanted her to know that I was ok, and happy, and glad to see her. I think she was relieved to see me come round. It was nearly 4pm, the quickest day of my life. I became aware of the pressure on my groin which seemed to be pressing from above and below, a slightly weird feeling, a little sore, not too painful, but quite uncomfortable. That night was the longest night of my life. It‘s all swings and roundabouts isn’t it. The next day was pretty awful, having not slept properly, unable to roll over, the time passed painfully slowly, and I still could not sleep for more than a few minutes at a time. Day two was much better, I was able to get on my side, I could feel the morphine working when it kicked in (it really just took away the discomfort, I’d expected more from it, but hey ho). I slept and slept, probably the best way to pass the time when one is confined to bed. The next 5 days didn’t seem so bad. The food was awful but I didn’t have any appetite anyway, besides, when you can’t go to the toilet for a week do you really want to eat anything? Day 5, the Dr took the dressing off (he sees you every morning). I got my first view of my rearranged body. I didn’t break down in tears, sobbing - "Oh it’s so beautiful…" It was a wound, with five days stubble, stitches everywhere, 2 tubes coming out of it, not really very pretty, but it looked like everything was in the right place and a good job had been done. It certainly looked a lot better than it used to. I was very happy. I was allowed to shower and just about managed to wash my hair without collapsing, it’s amazing how weak and wobbly you get after 5 days in bed. I saw myself naked in the mirror. Wow, from a distance it looked pretty good. I had the body of a female, ok not a particularly voluptuous one, but definitely not male. The reality began to sink in. I was assisted back into bed and one of the Suporn girls (who also come to see you every day) brushed my tangled, wet hair. I was tired, weak, groggy and still croaking a bit, but I could feel the happiness rising up from my toes to the top of my head. I’d done it, I’d got this far. If I died tomorrow at least I would have died happy. Day 6, I showered again, feeling slightly less wobbly, but not much. Day 7 was the day they would let me out… hopefully. On the seventh day… the Dr came at his usual time and got to work straight away. Packing was taken out, eeeuoww, catheter removed, ouch, and he used a large syringe to rinse me out several times with water and then betadine solution. Glove on, lubricated the "Thai boyfriend" then proceeded to give me my first lesson in dilation. The first time is easy having had packing in for a week, and my Thai boyfriend (the medium size dilator) had no problems and didn’t hurt a bit. Hold it there for an hour – easy peasy. So when my time was up the nurses came to clean me out. This time they got me out of bed to sit on the loo while they syringed me with water. As soon as the water went in I started sweating suddenly and profusely, within 2 or 3 seconds I was dripping, quite literally from head to foot. I’d never known anything like it; I didn’t know it was possible to sweat so much. I was of course feeling quite woozy too. The nurses realised I wasn’t looking too good and got me back to bed, "You rest now and we clean you later." So an hour or so later they tried again, as soon as I sat down I started going woozy again and said so, so they put me straight back to bed again, "You rest some more". Once you’ve had the catheter removed you have to show that your plumbing is working ok and so you must have a wee before they will discharge you, so all this time I had been drinking water to make sure I needed a wee! One of the Suporn girls came in and asked me how I was feeling now. Suddenly I came over very nauseous and with some urgency asked her to get a bowl, I was extremely ill, several times in quick succession. All the water I’d been drinking that morning came back all at once. Yuk. So now I couldn’t face drinking any more water and still had to show that I could wee ok. I sipped delicately, feeling very queasy for quite some time. Several hours passed and I eventually felt like I might be able to manage a little wee. I didn’t want to risk going to the loo again, as I was feeling even more woozy than the last two times I had tried, so I asked for the bedpan, and managed a little dribble, which was enough for them to decide that I could go. The wheelchair was ordered and eventually I got out of bed to leave. I stood at the end of the bed and felt slightly wobbly again, my vision started closing in and my head started buzzing slightly – like the feeling you get sometimes when you stand up too quickly, so that’s all I thought it was. Next thing I know I’m sitting down with people around me fanning me. I’d fainted, for the first time in my life, so I wasn’t expecting it. It was like the anaesthetic – I wasn’t aware of losing consciousness and the next thing I know I’m in a different place. Fortunately my mum was right next to me so managed to catch me and save me from a nasty bump on the head. How my little 67 year old dear mother held up an 11 stone rag-doll like me I’ll never know, but she managed to support me while the nurses fetched a chair. I think I was only out for a few seconds. So of course it was the now familiar, "You rest some more…" Would I ever get out of this place? A couple more hours passed and I decided to try again. Feeling extremely wobbly, but telling everyone I was fine, I managed to get into the wheelchair without fainting again. I was driven back to the hotel where there was another wheelchair waiting for me. Being back in my cosy room with my big bed was bliss. It was so good to be back. I have never felt so exhausted, I was completely wasted. I could hardly string a sentence together, unable to concentrate. I felt very woozy, and very wobbly every time I stood up. We ordered a chicken sandwich and chips from room service. I’d effectively eaten nothing that day, it was now nearly 6pm. I couldn’t really face the food though, and just picked at it as best I could. Two of the Suporn girls had come back with me and they decided that I didn’t have to dilate that evening as I was too poorly. Missing a dilation session, especially in the early days is really an absolute no-no, but there’s no way I could have managed it. So I fell into bed feeling like a very tired zombie and slept quite well, having taken another sleeping pill just to make sure. The next day I felt much better, but still had some nausea and general wooziness coming over me from time to time. I managed to eat though, and could feel the strength returning, at least a little bit. The wobbliness lasted a few days, mainly when I stood up, or had been on my feet for a while, so I was forced to do very little, but I soon got my appetite back which must have helped a lot. The last day in hospital had been quite an ordeal, so I was glad to be out. After a few days the general soreness would subside occasionally and I could sense my new vagina in what felt like its natural state. At times, maybe as nerves were reconnecting, or the numbness was subsiding, I would become aware that it felt extremely pleasant. Not like I was turned on, but just kind of nice, like it was a part of me, and it seemed to be functioning ok. The Dr had told me to avoid sexual arousal in the early days so I tried not to focus on it too much. But at those times it felt really lovely, and I felt a warm glow radiating from the centre of my body to the top of my head, and the tips of my toes and fingers. I tell you, it was better than the morphine. These were wonderful moments. My new vagina was sensate, it felt like a part of me, and I felt completely physically female. It’s a truly remarkable experience having your body changed, especially when you become the way you’ve always desperately wanted to be, the way you feel you should have been born. I feel privileged, kind of special, and very grateful to my surgeon. Being TS, having been in the wrong body for over 40 years, I feel I can now appreciate the RIGHT body, where natal females may take theirs for granted. I feel wonderful, still a little sore and still not fully recovered, but in my heart and in my head, mentally, spiritually and emotionally I am on top of the world. Only time will tell how well I heal, it’s too early to make an objective opinion on the aesthetic appearance – it can take 3 or 4 months before it stops looking like a wound and starts to look natural. Maybe I will talk more about how the healing is going in my next blog, I think that’s quite enough for now. All in all, in so many ways, it’s been an amazing experience. But still a long way to go… xx
    708 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • I feel I ought to have blogged sooner, but I just haven’t had the energy. Some say SRS is a piece of cake, some say it wiped them out, I think maybe I’m about average, understandably tired, and lacking energy. Swollen, sore and most of the time in some discomfort. It’s much better when I’m lying down, so I’ve been doing a lot of that recently. I got back home just over a week ago. The long flight was no problem, the hour and half in a taxi from the airport left me close to tears. Sitting upright is the most difficult thing to do at the moment, in a moving vehicle it gets worse. It was a little weird coming home after a month in a hot country, but after the initial shock from the cold and rain it is nice to be back. I went outside on my first morning home, looked out across the fields, sunlight glistening and weaving its way through the autumn colours, I listened to the birds tweeting, felt the leaves rustling under my feet, and smelt the wonderful fresh, lake district air. It brought a tear to my eye. This wasn’t Chonburi, hot and humid bustling city, not the 4-star hotel I had become accustomed to, no buildings, no cars, no street food. Just the countryside, just me, and my house. It felt like more of a culture shock to come home than it was to see Thailand for the first time, but it was lovely, if a little chilly. I was back in my environment, finally with the body I had always dreamed of. Wonderful. So how did I get here? Well I guess I have a fair way to go still, but let’s rewind a little. We were collected from Bangkok airport by one of the girls from the Suporn team in their super snazzy air-conditioned minibus. Rested at the hotel for a while and then shown to the clinic, literally just round the corner. I had my consultation with Dr Suporn, everything was fine, all I had to do was get the all-clear on the blood tests. We met the rest of the girls in the Suporn team at the clinic, there are about 10 of them and they are all completely adorable; cute and petite, smiley, helpful, very good looking and very professional. I was given my dilator kit, which I think scared my mum a bit; those boys are huuuge. Everything was explained to me, booklets given, and a time for us to be picked up to go to the hospital the day after tomorrow. The next day we explored the town a bit, and generally got a feel for things. The day after that I was taken into the hospital at 11am, the day before my actual op. The hospital was extremely busy, but I was amazed at how quick and efficiently everything was done. Within 20 minutes I had registered, had my passport details taken, weight, temperature, blood pressure, x-rays, ECG and blood tests done. Quite a whirlwind. Had I been in an English hospital I would probably have still been waiting at reception. I was taken upstairs to the relative calm of the top floor, reserved for all of Dr Suporn’s patients. I had hours to wait before my next two tasks – meeting the anaesthetist and then the joys of the enema nurse, who shaves you "down there" and then cleans you out good and proper. Lovely. My mum waited with me for a couple of hours then I suggested she go back to the hotel to get some rest and some food. I promised her I would be fine and said not to worry. She told me later it was very hard for her to leave "her baby" at the hospital, and she felt quite emotional travelling back to the hotel on her own. I felt a pang of emotion myself when she told me that. The anaesthetist was brilliant, and went into great detail about what she does and what to expect. She was really, really lovely, and very reassuring. What’s more she came with the news that my blood tests were all clear, no HIV or any other nasty stuff, ECG fine, chest x-ray fine, BP normal. There was nothing in my way now, it was all going ahead. Wow, that was quite a feeling. The sun was just about to set when she left, so I stepped onto my balcony and looked out across the sea. I felt so at peace. It seemed cooler here than in the city centre, the gentle breeze was still warm but very pleasant. There I was in a summery skirt and top, tropical sea breeze caressing my limbs and wafting through my hair, palm trees, seaside shacks, fishing huts built on stilts in the shallow water. I watched the sun fall through the clouds of a crimson red sky and below the horizon. For those few minutes it felt like I was on holiday in a tropical paradise, a single girl 6,000 miles from home in her private apartment. I let myself forget about what was to come and soaked up the calmness and tranquillity of the beautiful view from the balcony of my penthouse suite. A glass of Chardonnay would have been nice, or a rum punch even, but probably not a good idea just before "nil by mouth" time. Besides, I still had work to do. I went back inside, closed the sliding glass doors, and as if by magic, the enema nurse appeared in the room. Moving swiftly on, cos you don’t want to hear about all that do you… Clean and refreshed, I was given a sleeping pill, the first I’d ever taken in my life. It worked a treat and I slept like a log. I never sleep well in a different bed, especially one as firm as this. I’ve never been in hospital before, I’m not used to ANY noise during the night, and this was the eve of perhaps the most important day of my life. I oughtn’t to have slept a wink, so I was glad they gave me that pill. I awoke about 6:30 having slept for over 7 hours (which is rare for me even at home). I was told to shower with hibiscrub and given my gown. Shortly after, the trolley arrived to take me down to theatre. It was just like on the telly, watching the ceiling whilst being wheeled along the corridors. I could have walked, I wouldn’t have minded. They got me into place on the op table and inserted my drip. One of the ladies chatted to me a little, "You speak Thai?" "Nope. I know – sawat dee kaa, kob khun kaa, that’s about it." "Sawat dee KAA", she said with glee. You hear that a lot in Thailand, a general greeting, hello or goodbye, usually accompanied by a hands together as if in prayer gesture and a small bow. Very civilised these people. Mrs anaesthetist came to my side and held my hand. "Are you ready?" "Yes, I’m ready. In her gentle, soft voice, "Ok Lucy, I’m going to put you to sleep now…"I wasn’t aware of falling asleep, but I did feel warm and glowy for a second or two, must have been something in that "cocktail" she had told me about. I closed my eyes and smiled, feeling rather nice, then I guess I was out for the count. The count was about seven hours, but to me it was the blink of an eye. I opened my eyes and was back in my room, my mum apparently pacing up and down it. I smiled at her. Even though I hadn’t been aware of falling asleep and had only closed my eyes a second ago it was nice that the first thing I should see was her. I wanted her to know that I was ok, and happy, and glad to see her. I think she was relieved to see me come round. It was nearly 4pm, the quickest day of my life. I became aware of the pressure on my groin which seemed to be pressing from above and below, a slightly weird feeling, a little sore, not too painful, but quite uncomfortable. That night was the longest night of my life. It‘s all swings and roundabouts isn’t it. The next day was pretty awful, having not slept properly, unable to roll over, the time passed painfully slowly, and I still could not sleep for more than a few minutes at a time. Day two was much better, I was able to get on my side, I could feel the morphine working when it kicked in (it really just took away the discomfort, I’d expected more from it, but hey ho). I slept and slept, probably the best way to pass the time when one is confined to bed. The next 5 days didn’t seem so bad. The food was awful but I didn’t have any appetite anyway, besides, when you can’t go to the toilet for a week do you really want to eat anything? Day 5, the Dr took the dressing off (he sees you every morning). I got my first view of my rearranged body. I didn’t break down in tears, sobbing - "Oh it’s so beautiful…" It was a wound, with five days stubble, stitches everywhere, 2 tubes coming out of it, not really very pretty, but it looked like everything was in the right place and a good job had been done. It certainly looked a lot better than it used to. I was very happy. I was allowed to shower and just about managed to wash my hair without collapsing, it’s amazing how weak and wobbly you get after 5 days in bed. I saw myself naked in the mirror. Wow, from a distance it looked pretty good. I had the body of a female, ok not a particularly voluptuous one, but definitely not male. The reality began to sink in. I was assisted back into bed and one of the Suporn girls (who also come to see you every day) brushed my tangled, wet hair. I was tired, weak, groggy and still croaking a bit, but I could feel the happiness rising up from my toes to the top of my head. I’d done it, I’d got this far. If I died tomorrow at least I would have died happy. Day 6, I showered again, feeling slightly less wobbly, but not much. Day 7 was the day they would let me out… hopefully. On the seventh day… the Dr came at his usual time and got to work straight away. Packing was taken out, eeeuoww, catheter removed, ouch, and he used a large syringe to rinse me out several times with water and then betadine solution. Glove on, lubricated the "Thai boyfriend" then proceeded to give me my first lesson in dilation. The first time is easy having had packing in for a week, and my Thai boyfriend (the medium size dilator) had no problems and didn’t hurt a bit. Hold it there for an hour – easy peasy. So when my time was up the nurses came to clean me out. This time they got me out of bed to sit on the loo while they syringed me with water. As soon as the water went in I started sweating suddenly and profusely, within 2 or 3 seconds I was dripping, quite literally from head to foot. I’d never known anything like it; I didn’t know it was possible to sweat so much. I was of course feeling quite woozy too. The nurses realised I wasn’t looking too good and got me back to bed, "You rest now and we clean you later." So an hour or so later they tried again, as soon as I sat down I started going woozy again and said so, so they put me straight back to bed again, "You rest some more". Once you’ve had the catheter removed you have to show that your plumbing is working ok and so you must have a wee before they will discharge you, so all this time I had been drinking water to make sure I needed a wee! One of the Suporn girls came in and asked me how I was feeling now. Suddenly I came over very nauseous and with some urgency asked her to get a bowl, I was extremely ill, several times in quick succession. All the water I’d been drinking that morning came back all at once. Yuk. So now I couldn’t face drinking any more water and still had to show that I could wee ok. I sipped delicately, feeling very queasy for quite some time. Several hours passed and I eventually felt like I might be able to manage a little wee. I didn’t want to risk going to the loo again, as I was feeling even more woozy than the last two times I had tried, so I asked for the bedpan, and managed a little dribble, which was enough for them to decide that I could go. The wheelchair was ordered and eventually I got out of bed to leave. I stood at the end of the bed and felt slightly wobbly again, my vision started closing in and my head started buzzing slightly – like the feeling you get sometimes when you stand up too quickly, so that’s all I thought it was. Next thing I know I’m sitting down with people around me fanning me. I’d fainted, for the first time in my life, so I wasn’t expecting it. It was like the anaesthetic – I wasn’t aware of losing consciousness and the next thing I know I’m in a different place. Fortunately my mum was right next to me so managed to catch me and save me from a nasty bump on the head. How my little 67 year old dear mother held up an 11 stone rag-doll like me I’ll never know, but she managed to support me while the nurses fetched a chair. I think I was only out for a few seconds. So of course it was the now familiar, "You rest some more…" Would I ever get out of this place? A couple more hours passed and I decided to try again. Feeling extremely wobbly, but telling everyone I was fine, I managed to get into the wheelchair without fainting again. I was driven back to the hotel where there was another wheelchair waiting for me. Being back in my cosy room with my big bed was bliss. It was so good to be back. I have never felt so exhausted, I was completely wasted. I could hardly string a sentence together, unable to concentrate. I felt very woozy, and very wobbly every time I stood up. We ordered a chicken sandwich and chips from room service. I’d effectively eaten nothing that day, it was now nearly 6pm. I couldn’t really face the food though, and just picked at it as best I could. Two of the Suporn girls had come back with me and they decided that I didn’t have to dilate that evening as I was too poorly. Missing a dilation session, especially in the early days is really an absolute no-no, but there’s no way I could have managed it. So I fell into bed feeling like a very tired zombie and slept quite well, having taken another sleeping pill just to make sure. The next day I felt much better, but still had some nausea and general wooziness coming over me from time to time. I managed to eat though, and could feel the strength returning, at least a little bit. The wobbliness lasted a few days, mainly when I stood up, or had been on my feet for a while, so I was forced to do very little, but I soon got my appetite back which must have helped a lot. The last day in hospital had been quite an ordeal, so I was glad to be out. After a few days the general soreness would subside occasionally and I could sense my new vagina in what felt like its natural state. At times, maybe as nerves were reconnecting, or the numbness was subsiding, I would become aware that it felt extremely pleasant. Not like I was turned on, but just kind of nice, like it was a part of me, and it seemed to be functioning ok. The Dr had told me to avoid sexual arousal in the early days so I tried not to focus on it too much. But at those times it felt really lovely, and I felt a warm glow radiating from the centre of my body to the top of my head, and the tips of my toes and fingers. I tell you, it was better than the morphine. These were wonderful moments. My new vagina was sensate, it felt like a part of me, and I felt completely physically female. It’s a truly remarkable experience having your body changed, especially when you become the way you’ve always desperately wanted to be, the way you feel you should have been born. I feel privileged, kind of special, and very grateful to my surgeon. Being TS, having been in the wrong body for over 40 years, I feel I can now appreciate the RIGHT body, where natal females may take theirs for granted. I feel wonderful, still a little sore and still not fully recovered, but in my heart and in my head, mentally, spiritually and emotionally I am on top of the world. Only time will tell how well I heal, it’s too early to make an objective opinion on the aesthetic appearance – it can take 3 or 4 months before it stops looking like a wound and starts to look natural. Maybe I will talk more about how the healing is going in my next blog, I think that’s quite enough for now. All in all, in so many ways, it’s been an amazing experience. But still a long way to go… xx
    Nov 01, 2007 708
  • 11 Oct 2007
    I’m nearly a week out of hospital, feeling pretty good, everything seems to be going ok. I’m trying to conserve energy so I shall be brief for now and maybe go into more details when I get home and am more recovered. Surgeries seem to have gone well, just hoping to avoid any major complications because you never know, but the care is fantastic here and I have no worries. My mum has been wonderful, thanks mum! Some people come on their own, I’m so glad I didn’t. Dilation is a learning curve, but going quite well I think. It’s really a mental discipline as much as it is a physical one, and I’m discovering new depths within myself, in more than one sense! Emotionally and mentally I just feel fantastic, I am so happy right now, and am sure I will be even more so when I am all healed and can get back on with my normal life. It’s hot in Thailand, but not unbearably so, I love it, though I’m not going out much at the moment and the hotel air-con is most efficient! Right, time for some more rest I think, ooh I could get used to this… xx
    972 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • I’m nearly a week out of hospital, feeling pretty good, everything seems to be going ok. I’m trying to conserve energy so I shall be brief for now and maybe go into more details when I get home and am more recovered. Surgeries seem to have gone well, just hoping to avoid any major complications because you never know, but the care is fantastic here and I have no worries. My mum has been wonderful, thanks mum! Some people come on their own, I’m so glad I didn’t. Dilation is a learning curve, but going quite well I think. It’s really a mental discipline as much as it is a physical one, and I’m discovering new depths within myself, in more than one sense! Emotionally and mentally I just feel fantastic, I am so happy right now, and am sure I will be even more so when I am all healed and can get back on with my normal life. It’s hot in Thailand, but not unbearably so, I love it, though I’m not going out much at the moment and the hotel air-con is most efficient! Right, time for some more rest I think, ooh I could get used to this… xx
    Oct 11, 2007 972
  • 25 Sep 2007
    It's all going terribbly well so far, but then we've only just got here. Something's bound to go wrong soon... Going for my consultation with the good Dr soon, more details to follow. So glad to be here. xx
    613 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • It's all going terribbly well so far, but then we've only just got here. Something's bound to go wrong soon... Going for my consultation with the good Dr soon, more details to follow. So glad to be here. xx
    Sep 25, 2007 613
  • 22 Sep 2007
    Departure imminent, wow, starting to feel real now. Pip came up last week and we had a lovely walk up the valley where I used to live, one of my favourite places. Middle of nowhere really, we only saw one other walker who soon disappeared from our sight. Nice to get away from civilisation for a while, total peace, gorgeous weather, just us and several sheep. Anyway I thought I’d post a pic here to remind me of home while I’m away. I promised myself that next time I come to this place I would have a dip in the cool, but very inviting water, maybe even have a quick shower under the waterfall. Getting one’s kit off as they say, is something that I can’t do while I’m in this limbo of being kind of half man, half woman, even when there are only sheep watching, but I so wanted to leap into one of these pools of crystal clear Lakeland water. Next time, I will be considerably less self-conscious about my body. Must pack tomorrow, I think that’s all there is left to do, maybe a final hoover round, and I’m good to go. Wheeeeeeeeeeee! xx
    622 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Departure imminent, wow, starting to feel real now. Pip came up last week and we had a lovely walk up the valley where I used to live, one of my favourite places. Middle of nowhere really, we only saw one other walker who soon disappeared from our sight. Nice to get away from civilisation for a while, total peace, gorgeous weather, just us and several sheep. Anyway I thought I’d post a pic here to remind me of home while I’m away. I promised myself that next time I come to this place I would have a dip in the cool, but very inviting water, maybe even have a quick shower under the waterfall. Getting one’s kit off as they say, is something that I can’t do while I’m in this limbo of being kind of half man, half woman, even when there are only sheep watching, but I so wanted to leap into one of these pools of crystal clear Lakeland water. Next time, I will be considerably less self-conscious about my body. Must pack tomorrow, I think that’s all there is left to do, maybe a final hoover round, and I’m good to go. Wheeeeeeeeeeee! xx
    Sep 22, 2007 622
  • 13 Jul 2007
    Getting fruityIn England, last year was the hottest year on record. This April was the hottest April on record. June was the wettest June on record. July also looks set to be the wettest July on record. I’d be happy if August was the most average August on record…Climate change? It’s certainly looking that way.Whatever bad things might be happening to our planet as a result, I can’t complain about how it’s affected my fruit. This year has seen more strawberries than you can shake a stick at, over 400 so far and still counting. I know it sounds a bit OCD to count my strawberries as I pick them, but I was really just curious as I could hardly believe how many had come up this year. I am also currently harvesting my blackcurrants, about a gazillion of those so I’m not bothering to count, but all this rain has made them bigger and juicier than ever. In a few weeks I will have apples and pears. The apples are always plentiful, though it’s only a tiny tree, this year will be no exception, about 50 or so I would guess. And my pears, never before have I seen the like. It’s only a small pear tree too, but there must be over a hundred pears on it, most I’ve ever had is 30 or 40.So the polar ice-caps may be melting and we’re all doomed, but at least I’ll have had a healthy diet.There is nothing better than fresh organic fruit eaten the moment it is picked, and surely stuffing myself with lovely fresh fruit every day for 4 months is a good run up to my forthcoming SRS. I will also have been alcohol free for about that long, the longest period of abstinence since I started drinking, about 30 years ago. I guess it’s about time I had a break from it.I could, as I speak, be recovering from a tracheal shave, but I'm not. The NHS gave me an appointment on the 10th July. Up until a few months ago, I couldn’t imagine turning down the chance to reduce my Adam’s apple for FREE, but it’s just too close to my SRS date. I’d probably be recovered and fine, but if there’d been any problems it would have totally screwed my plans, deposit paid, flights and hotel booked, etc…Besides, the NHS surgeon didn’t exactly fill me with confidence at my consultation. And it’s probably better anyway to have it done at the same time as SRS, thus avoiding two general anaesthetics close together, and hey, what’s a couple more months wearing a scarf round my neck…Me and the girls (Gillian, Stephie and Laura – some of my local TS gang), went shopping in Manchester on Saturday. Shopping is so rubbish where I live so it was like Christmas for me, and I spent over a hundred quid which was a bit naughty, but nice. I did find a couple of fantastic bargains. A short sequinned skirt (which will be stage-wear) down from 45 pounds to three, count them, THREE pounds, from Debenhams. And from Warehouse a nice purple top for a fiver, down from 25. Found a lovely white summery dress, not a bargain at 30 quid, but worth it nevertheless. I just wish it would stop raining so I can wear the bloody thing. Anyway, 3 tops, two skirts and one dress later, I came away a happy girl! A super day out, I love shopping.Just over two months to go before SRS, I wonder if I ought to be getting jittery by now. I’m not though, not yet anyway, just really looking forward to it, even though I know full well it’s going to be pretty tough.Bring it on.xx
    580 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Getting fruityIn England, last year was the hottest year on record. This April was the hottest April on record. June was the wettest June on record. July also looks set to be the wettest July on record. I’d be happy if August was the most average August on record…Climate change? It’s certainly looking that way.Whatever bad things might be happening to our planet as a result, I can’t complain about how it’s affected my fruit. This year has seen more strawberries than you can shake a stick at, over 400 so far and still counting. I know it sounds a bit OCD to count my strawberries as I pick them, but I was really just curious as I could hardly believe how many had come up this year. I am also currently harvesting my blackcurrants, about a gazillion of those so I’m not bothering to count, but all this rain has made them bigger and juicier than ever. In a few weeks I will have apples and pears. The apples are always plentiful, though it’s only a tiny tree, this year will be no exception, about 50 or so I would guess. And my pears, never before have I seen the like. It’s only a small pear tree too, but there must be over a hundred pears on it, most I’ve ever had is 30 or 40.So the polar ice-caps may be melting and we’re all doomed, but at least I’ll have had a healthy diet.There is nothing better than fresh organic fruit eaten the moment it is picked, and surely stuffing myself with lovely fresh fruit every day for 4 months is a good run up to my forthcoming SRS. I will also have been alcohol free for about that long, the longest period of abstinence since I started drinking, about 30 years ago. I guess it’s about time I had a break from it.I could, as I speak, be recovering from a tracheal shave, but I'm not. The NHS gave me an appointment on the 10th July. Up until a few months ago, I couldn’t imagine turning down the chance to reduce my Adam’s apple for FREE, but it’s just too close to my SRS date. I’d probably be recovered and fine, but if there’d been any problems it would have totally screwed my plans, deposit paid, flights and hotel booked, etc…Besides, the NHS surgeon didn’t exactly fill me with confidence at my consultation. And it’s probably better anyway to have it done at the same time as SRS, thus avoiding two general anaesthetics close together, and hey, what’s a couple more months wearing a scarf round my neck…Me and the girls (Gillian, Stephie and Laura – some of my local TS gang), went shopping in Manchester on Saturday. Shopping is so rubbish where I live so it was like Christmas for me, and I spent over a hundred quid which was a bit naughty, but nice. I did find a couple of fantastic bargains. A short sequinned skirt (which will be stage-wear) down from 45 pounds to three, count them, THREE pounds, from Debenhams. And from Warehouse a nice purple top for a fiver, down from 25. Found a lovely white summery dress, not a bargain at 30 quid, but worth it nevertheless. I just wish it would stop raining so I can wear the bloody thing. Anyway, 3 tops, two skirts and one dress later, I came away a happy girl! A super day out, I love shopping.Just over two months to go before SRS, I wonder if I ought to be getting jittery by now. I’m not though, not yet anyway, just really looking forward to it, even though I know full well it’s going to be pretty tough.Bring it on.xx
    Jul 13, 2007 580
  • 25 Jun 2007
    Just a quick word about Sparkle…I arrived a couple of hours before my appointment with Dr Spiegel so Gillian and I had a quick wander round and a look to see who was on at the main stage before heading to the MMU, where I managed to see Dr Spiegel half an hour before my allotted time. It was all over very quickly. He started by saying, "Well, you look great!" He asked me what I’d like, but I asked for his opinion before telling him too much of what I thought I needed. His opinions basically agreed with mine. I asked a few questions about the specific procedures and when we were all done his secretary gave me a quote, very reasonable too. They both seemed very nice, and I’d be happy to put myself in their care, but whether I will or not remains to be seen. One thing at a time eh…It was only 6 o’clock by then so we decided to have a stroll into town and look in a couple of shops. I bought a satiny top from Primark and a lovely dark blue summery dress from TX Maxx (love those shops), Gillian bought a jacket for the evening, then we went in search of food. We found a great fast food rice and noodles sort of place, with the rather unimaginative name of "Rice", but it was extremely yummy!So, refreshed and replenished we headed back to the Village. I half expected to be bumping into old friends, seeing familiar faces and meeting a few online acquaintances, but it was actually Gillian that seemed to be doing more of that. We were accosted by Nikki, who she met in Thailand, and who is a moderator of the Dr Suporn Yahoo group, so she was interested in the fact that I was soon to become another "Supornista", and was keen to offer advice. She was with several other ex-patients of Suporn, so that was a good start to the evening! Shortly after, Gillian met another Suporn patient she knew from Thailand, local Manchester girl Victoria, who was all dressed up for her entry into the Miss Sparkle contest, and looking like a model out of Vogue, quite stunning.After watching a bit of ex X-factor contestant, Sean performing on the main stage, we went for a drink at "Via Fossa", now called just "Via", where I met up with my old mate Cerys, and where we again bumped into Nikki and friends. A couple more drinks later (coca-cola for me) we went a-wandering. Back to the main stage to watch the first part of Miss Sparkle, including to my surprise our very own Lucy Dawlish. You looked great girl, and to prove it I’ve posted your pic below, which I stole off Flicker, I hope nobody sues me. Actually I forgot to take my camera. A couple of years ago that would be top of my list of things to take on a night out, but I never even thought about it this time, which is a shame cos there were some, um, "colourful" characters there! There was someone going round taking snapshots for you to download for free though, so at least Gillian and I got a photo to remember our day by, which I’ve also posted below.The weather wasn’t great, though while we there it was just occasional drizzle so nothing like Glastonbury standards! Nobody’s spirit seemed to be dampened too much.It wouldn’t have been a proper trip to the village without a visit to Napoleon’s, so we had to go there, and this is the place where the Tweb girls always seem to converge. But not this time sadly. Maybe we were just early, or maybe everyone else was still watching Miss Sparkle, but there was no-one I recognised. So, I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet those of you who I’ve only met online, and sorry I didn’t bump into any of you I already know, but by 11pm I was seriously flagging, and it’s a fair drive home, so that was it for me. It’d been a very late night on Friday, the night before, as I was working with the band, and in fact I think you can see that from the state of my eyes in the pic below! But although we were only there for a few hours I’d say the event seemed to be another great success. "Pride" marches are happening everywhere these days, but specifically Transgender celebrations like this still seem to be quite rare, so it’s always nice to be a part of it, and I’m lucky it’s not that far away.Hope all the rest of you had a good time, and sorry I didn’t get to meet you, but maybe next time eh!xx
    806 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Just a quick word about Sparkle…I arrived a couple of hours before my appointment with Dr Spiegel so Gillian and I had a quick wander round and a look to see who was on at the main stage before heading to the MMU, where I managed to see Dr Spiegel half an hour before my allotted time. It was all over very quickly. He started by saying, "Well, you look great!" He asked me what I’d like, but I asked for his opinion before telling him too much of what I thought I needed. His opinions basically agreed with mine. I asked a few questions about the specific procedures and when we were all done his secretary gave me a quote, very reasonable too. They both seemed very nice, and I’d be happy to put myself in their care, but whether I will or not remains to be seen. One thing at a time eh…It was only 6 o’clock by then so we decided to have a stroll into town and look in a couple of shops. I bought a satiny top from Primark and a lovely dark blue summery dress from TX Maxx (love those shops), Gillian bought a jacket for the evening, then we went in search of food. We found a great fast food rice and noodles sort of place, with the rather unimaginative name of "Rice", but it was extremely yummy!So, refreshed and replenished we headed back to the Village. I half expected to be bumping into old friends, seeing familiar faces and meeting a few online acquaintances, but it was actually Gillian that seemed to be doing more of that. We were accosted by Nikki, who she met in Thailand, and who is a moderator of the Dr Suporn Yahoo group, so she was interested in the fact that I was soon to become another "Supornista", and was keen to offer advice. She was with several other ex-patients of Suporn, so that was a good start to the evening! Shortly after, Gillian met another Suporn patient she knew from Thailand, local Manchester girl Victoria, who was all dressed up for her entry into the Miss Sparkle contest, and looking like a model out of Vogue, quite stunning.After watching a bit of ex X-factor contestant, Sean performing on the main stage, we went for a drink at "Via Fossa", now called just "Via", where I met up with my old mate Cerys, and where we again bumped into Nikki and friends. A couple more drinks later (coca-cola for me) we went a-wandering. Back to the main stage to watch the first part of Miss Sparkle, including to my surprise our very own Lucy Dawlish. You looked great girl, and to prove it I’ve posted your pic below, which I stole off Flicker, I hope nobody sues me. Actually I forgot to take my camera. A couple of years ago that would be top of my list of things to take on a night out, but I never even thought about it this time, which is a shame cos there were some, um, "colourful" characters there! There was someone going round taking snapshots for you to download for free though, so at least Gillian and I got a photo to remember our day by, which I’ve also posted below.The weather wasn’t great, though while we there it was just occasional drizzle so nothing like Glastonbury standards! Nobody’s spirit seemed to be dampened too much.It wouldn’t have been a proper trip to the village without a visit to Napoleon’s, so we had to go there, and this is the place where the Tweb girls always seem to converge. But not this time sadly. Maybe we were just early, or maybe everyone else was still watching Miss Sparkle, but there was no-one I recognised. So, I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet those of you who I’ve only met online, and sorry I didn’t bump into any of you I already know, but by 11pm I was seriously flagging, and it’s a fair drive home, so that was it for me. It’d been a very late night on Friday, the night before, as I was working with the band, and in fact I think you can see that from the state of my eyes in the pic below! But although we were only there for a few hours I’d say the event seemed to be another great success. "Pride" marches are happening everywhere these days, but specifically Transgender celebrations like this still seem to be quite rare, so it’s always nice to be a part of it, and I’m lucky it’s not that far away.Hope all the rest of you had a good time, and sorry I didn’t get to meet you, but maybe next time eh!xx
    Jun 25, 2007 806
  • 22 Jun 2007
    By The Time We Got To SparkleWell, my plans for Sparkle have been twisting and turning like a twisty-turny thing. I reserved the date in our band diary but they went ahead and booked a gig anyway. I agreed to do it but asked if my stand-in for while I’m Thailand might be able to do it. He said he could so Sparkle was back on again. A few weeks later he had to cancel due to other commitments so I said I’d do it and Sparkle was off again. Then the gig got cancelled (grrr) and Sparkle was on again. Pippa originally said she’d go, but is suffering from a slight lack of teeth at the moment. She’s having some work done, they’ve taken some out, but the date for their replacement has been delayed by a couple of weeks, so she is currently a gappy-toothed old hag (her words not mine). She says she doesn’t want to go to Sparkle looking like that so will go and watch an execution or something instead. I guess she looks like an extra from a medieval drama, bless.I’d also arranged an appointment with renowned FFS surgeon Dr Spiegel from Boston, who is doing a lecture and consultations during Sparkle. I’d emailed his secretary to ask if they were doing this on the Sunday (as I thought I was gigging on Saturday) and she replied giving me a choice of times. But she got the dates wrong and it turns out they are not there on the Sunday, but since my gig was cancelled on the Saturday I could make it then after all…And so it goes on. Anyway, the consultation is mainly curiosity, I’d like to hear the professional opinion of one of the top 5 FFS surgeons (for free!) and who knows, maybe when I’ve recovered from SRS and feel like going through hell again I might take a trip to Boston, if I have any money left by then…My friend Gillian is coming with me to Sparkle, so I won’t be wandering around aimlessly on my own. She’s not big on TG events, but is always up for a night out, so it should be fun, and hopefully we can cram a bit of shopping in after my consultation.Deep breath… I have given up drinking.When you’ve picked yourself up off the floor… I have not cut down, not "trying to give up"; I HAVE given up, and can say that with confidence for probably the first time in my life. The main reason is my forthcoming SRS. I plan to stay teetotal until at least Christmas, by which time I’m sure I will have earned a glass of wine to have with my turkey. But who knows, I may never drink again…I’m getting used to being constantly sober, even going out and not having a drink doesn’t seem strange anymore. OK, it’s only been five weeks so far, but I know in my heart that this time I mean it, and I’m not going to fall off the wagon. By the way, I haven’t shaved for 5 weeks either (don’t worry, I’m not growing a beard – see previous post). That’s pretty wonderful; there’s not much that makes you feel less feminine than waking up with stubble every morning.Anyway, better stop waffling, we are gigging tonight (otherwise I’d have spent the whole weekend at Sparkle), which means late night, early morning – lack of sleep, so I probably won’t be quite as Sparkly as usual by the time I get to Sparkle, but at least I’ll be showing my face, and good night’s sleep or not, I’m rather looking forward to it.See you there girls!xx
    593 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • By The Time We Got To SparkleWell, my plans for Sparkle have been twisting and turning like a twisty-turny thing. I reserved the date in our band diary but they went ahead and booked a gig anyway. I agreed to do it but asked if my stand-in for while I’m Thailand might be able to do it. He said he could so Sparkle was back on again. A few weeks later he had to cancel due to other commitments so I said I’d do it and Sparkle was off again. Then the gig got cancelled (grrr) and Sparkle was on again. Pippa originally said she’d go, but is suffering from a slight lack of teeth at the moment. She’s having some work done, they’ve taken some out, but the date for their replacement has been delayed by a couple of weeks, so she is currently a gappy-toothed old hag (her words not mine). She says she doesn’t want to go to Sparkle looking like that so will go and watch an execution or something instead. I guess she looks like an extra from a medieval drama, bless.I’d also arranged an appointment with renowned FFS surgeon Dr Spiegel from Boston, who is doing a lecture and consultations during Sparkle. I’d emailed his secretary to ask if they were doing this on the Sunday (as I thought I was gigging on Saturday) and she replied giving me a choice of times. But she got the dates wrong and it turns out they are not there on the Sunday, but since my gig was cancelled on the Saturday I could make it then after all…And so it goes on. Anyway, the consultation is mainly curiosity, I’d like to hear the professional opinion of one of the top 5 FFS surgeons (for free!) and who knows, maybe when I’ve recovered from SRS and feel like going through hell again I might take a trip to Boston, if I have any money left by then…My friend Gillian is coming with me to Sparkle, so I won’t be wandering around aimlessly on my own. She’s not big on TG events, but is always up for a night out, so it should be fun, and hopefully we can cram a bit of shopping in after my consultation.Deep breath… I have given up drinking.When you’ve picked yourself up off the floor… I have not cut down, not "trying to give up"; I HAVE given up, and can say that with confidence for probably the first time in my life. The main reason is my forthcoming SRS. I plan to stay teetotal until at least Christmas, by which time I’m sure I will have earned a glass of wine to have with my turkey. But who knows, I may never drink again…I’m getting used to being constantly sober, even going out and not having a drink doesn’t seem strange anymore. OK, it’s only been five weeks so far, but I know in my heart that this time I mean it, and I’m not going to fall off the wagon. By the way, I haven’t shaved for 5 weeks either (don’t worry, I’m not growing a beard – see previous post). That’s pretty wonderful; there’s not much that makes you feel less feminine than waking up with stubble every morning.Anyway, better stop waffling, we are gigging tonight (otherwise I’d have spent the whole weekend at Sparkle), which means late night, early morning – lack of sleep, so I probably won’t be quite as Sparkly as usual by the time I get to Sparkle, but at least I’ll be showing my face, and good night’s sleep or not, I’m rather looking forward to it.See you there girls!xx
    Jun 22, 2007 593