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Lucy Diamond 's Entries

204 blogs
  • 28 Mar 2006
    Ladies and Gentlemen! Lucy Diamond... It’s raining. Lots. It must be the rainy season. Well never mind the weather, what about my gig?! I did it, my first public performance as Lucy, and it all went rather well. The band have done a few weddings since they reformed last year but virtually the whole set this time was new to all of us, so we were all a bit nervy to start with. But despite very little rehearsal time for the amount of material we’ve learnt, everything went without any major hitches, and not many minor ones either, so we all soon settled down. I really enjoyed it, especially the second set which is generally a bit more up-tempo, and it’s easier to get into things once you’ve relaxed a bit. The audience reaction was great too, it’s only a small place but there were sufficient people there, and several people boogie-ing away, and we did 3 encores, so they must have liked it. I think all the band were pleased with how it went, everyone knows there is room for improvement, but the day you say you can’t improve is the day you probably ought to give up, and we’ve only just started. The main thing is we enjoyed it, I know I did, on several levels. I must thank Pip for being my own personal roadie for the night, you worked really hard, babe, carrying all my gear and helping me set up and pack down, I’m so grateful and it really helped the first night go smoothly and easily for me. I’m so glad you were there. My mum also made it, and Stephie and Gillian – 2 of my t-girl friends, and a couple of other friends too. From all of them, and several strangers as well, I got lots of compliments. For me it was a personal milestone, my first day at work, my already public transition becoming hugely more so. And also a return to the stage after a three and a half year absence, but I barely gave that a thought really. What matters is that Lucy is out and doing what she does best. I’m happy to be showing people that I have nothing to hide, and that my birth defect is not going to stop me from living my life, and nor should it for anyone. I don’t often say this, but I’m quite proud of myself. Some people out there think that being transsexual means wanting to change into a different person, it doesn’t, it’s about being yourself. It’s not an illness, there’s nothing wrong with us on the inside, it’s the outside bits that need changing, which is why I call it a birth defect, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of; it can’t be helped. So my message to the world when I’m standing on the stage is, do what you do, be yourself, and don’t feel you have to hide. This is what I do, this is me, and here I am. xx      
    451 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Ladies and Gentlemen! Lucy Diamond... It’s raining. Lots. It must be the rainy season. Well never mind the weather, what about my gig?! I did it, my first public performance as Lucy, and it all went rather well. The band have done a few weddings since they reformed last year but virtually the whole set this time was new to all of us, so we were all a bit nervy to start with. But despite very little rehearsal time for the amount of material we’ve learnt, everything went without any major hitches, and not many minor ones either, so we all soon settled down. I really enjoyed it, especially the second set which is generally a bit more up-tempo, and it’s easier to get into things once you’ve relaxed a bit. The audience reaction was great too, it’s only a small place but there were sufficient people there, and several people boogie-ing away, and we did 3 encores, so they must have liked it. I think all the band were pleased with how it went, everyone knows there is room for improvement, but the day you say you can’t improve is the day you probably ought to give up, and we’ve only just started. The main thing is we enjoyed it, I know I did, on several levels. I must thank Pip for being my own personal roadie for the night, you worked really hard, babe, carrying all my gear and helping me set up and pack down, I’m so grateful and it really helped the first night go smoothly and easily for me. I’m so glad you were there. My mum also made it, and Stephie and Gillian – 2 of my t-girl friends, and a couple of other friends too. From all of them, and several strangers as well, I got lots of compliments. For me it was a personal milestone, my first day at work, my already public transition becoming hugely more so. And also a return to the stage after a three and a half year absence, but I barely gave that a thought really. What matters is that Lucy is out and doing what she does best. I’m happy to be showing people that I have nothing to hide, and that my birth defect is not going to stop me from living my life, and nor should it for anyone. I don’t often say this, but I’m quite proud of myself. Some people out there think that being transsexual means wanting to change into a different person, it doesn’t, it’s about being yourself. It’s not an illness, there’s nothing wrong with us on the inside, it’s the outside bits that need changing, which is why I call it a birth defect, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of; it can’t be helped. So my message to the world when I’m standing on the stage is, do what you do, be yourself, and don’t feel you have to hide. This is what I do, this is me, and here I am. xx      
    Mar 28, 2006 451
  • 22 Mar 2006
    This won’t hurt at all… Haven’t had much time to blog recently, I will be able to breathe again after Saturday, when it’s our first gig. There’s been lots of work to do, mainly learning 27 songs, which I think I’ve got the hang of now. I’ll be less nervous if I’m confident of the material. I never really get nervous going on stage, you kind of get used to it (after 25 years), but after a break of several years and the fact that this will be Lucy’s first public performance, I think I should be allowed a few first night nerves. We’ve only had 5 rehearsals, last one was tonight, it’s not really enough for a new band but I think we’ll get away with it. There are a few bits that still don’t sound quite right but these will be ironed out over time; a band has to gig to really become a band, so I think it’s good that we’re getting out sooner rather than later. Been going mad on ebay, but hey I need new clothes for onstage, and don’t really have much in the rock chick department, but I’m getting there. Have bought several musical/electrical items too, spares and replacements for the band. Ideally I’d like 2 of everything, no doubt the one thing I don’t have a spare for will be the one that breaks down… Anyway you don’t want to hear about the technical stuff. I’ve thought a lot about what I should wear, and will probably experiment a bit, but at the moment I feel I’d like to go for short leather skirt, maybe glossy black tights, and a low cut top, which will probably be black, as most of my sexy tops are, which means I’ll be all in black, hmmm, don’t want to do that all the time, but it’s a starting point image-wise. I could do with some better boots, tried to find some the other day in town but there was just nothing around that was suitable. I can’t have heels, I’m already taller than all the band, perhaps about the same as the singer. Finding decent, flat but sexy black boots is not easy! I ended up buying some brown ones, but they’re not suitable for the band. I really must stop spending money… Pip is coming up for the gig hopefully, and my mum will be there and an old friend or two and at least two of the t-girls from round here, so I’ll have my own little group of supporters, the Lucy Diamond fan club! I think that will help, a bit of moral support. I’m really looking forward to it actually. Although I hated being in public as a bloke, ironically, being onstage was the least distressing place to be for a long time. I think the music almost transcended my fears in a way. It was a way of getting my inner spirit out, using a different language to communicate to the world who I really was. Catharsis perhaps. But there’s no doubt that in the later days of my band life it was becoming more and more difficult to make such a public show. The gaze of the audience began to crowd in on me, and the stage started to feel like a claustrophobic space in my agoraphobic world. Being myself is so much better, will feel so much better onstage, just as it does in normal life, I just know it will. Perhaps I’ve never wanted to go onstage so much! Well hell, I’ve never wanted to be alive so much! And oh yeah, my mum has joined the site, hello mum! She’s only just got a decent computer so is new to all this internet stuff and online communities and things, so she might be a bit quiet, but she’s not being shy or anything, just finding her way round. Anyway, I hope you girls will all behave yourselves from now on! She’s lovely, so please be nice to her. Suppose I’d better get to bed, dentist in the morning (ugh), as I’m having problems with a back tooth that broke ages ago. I think it’ll need to come out. Now there’s something I’m NOT looking forward to. Major surgery? No problem. Dentist pulling teeth? No thanks. xx
    520 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • This won’t hurt at all… Haven’t had much time to blog recently, I will be able to breathe again after Saturday, when it’s our first gig. There’s been lots of work to do, mainly learning 27 songs, which I think I’ve got the hang of now. I’ll be less nervous if I’m confident of the material. I never really get nervous going on stage, you kind of get used to it (after 25 years), but after a break of several years and the fact that this will be Lucy’s first public performance, I think I should be allowed a few first night nerves. We’ve only had 5 rehearsals, last one was tonight, it’s not really enough for a new band but I think we’ll get away with it. There are a few bits that still don’t sound quite right but these will be ironed out over time; a band has to gig to really become a band, so I think it’s good that we’re getting out sooner rather than later. Been going mad on ebay, but hey I need new clothes for onstage, and don’t really have much in the rock chick department, but I’m getting there. Have bought several musical/electrical items too, spares and replacements for the band. Ideally I’d like 2 of everything, no doubt the one thing I don’t have a spare for will be the one that breaks down… Anyway you don’t want to hear about the technical stuff. I’ve thought a lot about what I should wear, and will probably experiment a bit, but at the moment I feel I’d like to go for short leather skirt, maybe glossy black tights, and a low cut top, which will probably be black, as most of my sexy tops are, which means I’ll be all in black, hmmm, don’t want to do that all the time, but it’s a starting point image-wise. I could do with some better boots, tried to find some the other day in town but there was just nothing around that was suitable. I can’t have heels, I’m already taller than all the band, perhaps about the same as the singer. Finding decent, flat but sexy black boots is not easy! I ended up buying some brown ones, but they’re not suitable for the band. I really must stop spending money… Pip is coming up for the gig hopefully, and my mum will be there and an old friend or two and at least two of the t-girls from round here, so I’ll have my own little group of supporters, the Lucy Diamond fan club! I think that will help, a bit of moral support. I’m really looking forward to it actually. Although I hated being in public as a bloke, ironically, being onstage was the least distressing place to be for a long time. I think the music almost transcended my fears in a way. It was a way of getting my inner spirit out, using a different language to communicate to the world who I really was. Catharsis perhaps. But there’s no doubt that in the later days of my band life it was becoming more and more difficult to make such a public show. The gaze of the audience began to crowd in on me, and the stage started to feel like a claustrophobic space in my agoraphobic world. Being myself is so much better, will feel so much better onstage, just as it does in normal life, I just know it will. Perhaps I’ve never wanted to go onstage so much! Well hell, I’ve never wanted to be alive so much! And oh yeah, my mum has joined the site, hello mum! She’s only just got a decent computer so is new to all this internet stuff and online communities and things, so she might be a bit quiet, but she’s not being shy or anything, just finding her way round. Anyway, I hope you girls will all behave yourselves from now on! She’s lovely, so please be nice to her. Suppose I’d better get to bed, dentist in the morning (ugh), as I’m having problems with a back tooth that broke ages ago. I think it’ll need to come out. Now there’s something I’m NOT looking forward to. Major surgery? No problem. Dentist pulling teeth? No thanks. xx
    Mar 22, 2006 520
  • 12 Mar 2006
    Keyboard players do it standing up Our band’s rehearsal today has been cancelled due to reports of polar bears roaming the countryside… It’s that kind of weather today, several inches of snow already, and we rehearse out in the wilds in a little village called Crossthwaite, population about 37, including polar bears. I’m relieved that I don’t have to attempt that road with all its steep hills and hairpin bends, but slightly disappointed that we’ll miss a full day’s rehearsal (evenings seem to fly by), after all, it’s less than 2 weeks until our first gig, aaargghh! We’re not going to be totally ready for it, but it’s in a quiet spot, good place for a first outing, so I think it can only help to knock us into shape. On Friday the band invited me to join them at our local to see another band featuring a girl on keyboards who has stood in for them (I mean, us) before I joined. Don’t see many girl keyboard players around here so I wanted to go to see if I could pick up some tips, like the important of question of WHAT TO WEAR?! I’m not sure if I’ll do fishnets, bit tarty, though I have bid on a leather skirt on Ebay. She was a very good player this girl (music teacher), and not really surprisingly, wore jeans, boots and a strappy top with a little bit of sparkle on the straps. I’m not planning on copying her or anything, but it was good to see another girl performing (ooh err). She put most of the male keyboard players around here in the shade, I intend to do the same. I was also glad to see that she was standing up. The keyboard players who sit down are boffins, maybe got a diploma in pianism (that can’t be a word can it?) probably good players, but dull. The ones who stand up but use low-slung X-frame stands below waist height aren’t real keyboard players (you can’t play properly with your wrists bent that much), but the ones who stand up with their keyboard at a respectable height, nice straight wrists, are the ones who are going to entertain you. At least that’s my theory on the hardware/performance ratio of keyboardists. I’ve decided to use 2 keyboards, I used 3 onstage at one point, but I’m trying to downsize, and now use several modules (keyboards in a box, without the keys). I was hoping to get away with just the one keyboard, but I keep running out of keys, so anyway in true girly style the second keyboard I’ll be using is one that I’ve rarely used, but it’s blue so it matches my main keyboard (the "mother" keyboard, also blue). So, co-ordinating keyboards, a girls gotta do… Pip and I went to a party last weekend, an old friend of mine and her partner who were at my do on bonfire night, so Pip’s met them before. Nothing too raucous (maybe just cos I was driving), but kind of nice. Someone put on a Keane album, only ever heard their singles before, and the last track – "Bedshaped" really jumped out at me as a good one for our band to do, lovely song. Might be a difficult one though, some tricky falsetto parts for the singer, but it will be good if we can pull it off. Really enjoyed learning that one, so can’t wait to see how it sounds, probably will be rubbish… Anyway, I shall now have to go and set up all my equipment again which was packed and ready by the door, waiting to be loaded into the car, oh well. At least the weather will have improved by the time we start gigging properly. Maybe I’ll go and make a snowwoman first… xx
    449 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Keyboard players do it standing up Our band’s rehearsal today has been cancelled due to reports of polar bears roaming the countryside… It’s that kind of weather today, several inches of snow already, and we rehearse out in the wilds in a little village called Crossthwaite, population about 37, including polar bears. I’m relieved that I don’t have to attempt that road with all its steep hills and hairpin bends, but slightly disappointed that we’ll miss a full day’s rehearsal (evenings seem to fly by), after all, it’s less than 2 weeks until our first gig, aaargghh! We’re not going to be totally ready for it, but it’s in a quiet spot, good place for a first outing, so I think it can only help to knock us into shape. On Friday the band invited me to join them at our local to see another band featuring a girl on keyboards who has stood in for them (I mean, us) before I joined. Don’t see many girl keyboard players around here so I wanted to go to see if I could pick up some tips, like the important of question of WHAT TO WEAR?! I’m not sure if I’ll do fishnets, bit tarty, though I have bid on a leather skirt on Ebay. She was a very good player this girl (music teacher), and not really surprisingly, wore jeans, boots and a strappy top with a little bit of sparkle on the straps. I’m not planning on copying her or anything, but it was good to see another girl performing (ooh err). She put most of the male keyboard players around here in the shade, I intend to do the same. I was also glad to see that she was standing up. The keyboard players who sit down are boffins, maybe got a diploma in pianism (that can’t be a word can it?) probably good players, but dull. The ones who stand up but use low-slung X-frame stands below waist height aren’t real keyboard players (you can’t play properly with your wrists bent that much), but the ones who stand up with their keyboard at a respectable height, nice straight wrists, are the ones who are going to entertain you. At least that’s my theory on the hardware/performance ratio of keyboardists. I’ve decided to use 2 keyboards, I used 3 onstage at one point, but I’m trying to downsize, and now use several modules (keyboards in a box, without the keys). I was hoping to get away with just the one keyboard, but I keep running out of keys, so anyway in true girly style the second keyboard I’ll be using is one that I’ve rarely used, but it’s blue so it matches my main keyboard (the "mother" keyboard, also blue). So, co-ordinating keyboards, a girls gotta do… Pip and I went to a party last weekend, an old friend of mine and her partner who were at my do on bonfire night, so Pip’s met them before. Nothing too raucous (maybe just cos I was driving), but kind of nice. Someone put on a Keane album, only ever heard their singles before, and the last track – "Bedshaped" really jumped out at me as a good one for our band to do, lovely song. Might be a difficult one though, some tricky falsetto parts for the singer, but it will be good if we can pull it off. Really enjoyed learning that one, so can’t wait to see how it sounds, probably will be rubbish… Anyway, I shall now have to go and set up all my equipment again which was packed and ready by the door, waiting to be loaded into the car, oh well. At least the weather will have improved by the time we start gigging properly. Maybe I’ll go and make a snowwoman first… xx
    Mar 12, 2006 449
  • 27 Feb 2006
    One strong heart, and one less so I really should be learning songs right now, not reading the forums and posting about my favourite artists, or writing blogs, but what the hell… Last week my dad had a heart attack, his second, and slightly more serious this time by all accounts, but he seems to have survived it ok and is due out of hospital today. His first was fourteen years ago to the week. Of course I can’t visit him, he hasn’t seen me since June so I imagine it would be stressful for him, which of course he has to avoid, and he doesn’t want to see me anyway, now that I’ve been honest with him about my true gender and what I need to do about it. I asked my brother to tell him that I’d like to see him, perhaps when he’s feeling stronger, and would be prepared to go "en bloke", and wouldn’t be offended by him using my old name, which he still insists on doing when he refers to me. He is the only person I would do that for, the only reason I would make any attempt at presenting as male, though I don’t suppose I’d make a very good job of that now whatever I do with my hair… I can’t help wondering if I will ever see him again, so if that’s the only way then so be it. Somehow I don’t think he will even agree to seeing me like that, as it would mean not avoiding the issue. Anyway, I certainly can’t put any pressure on him, not that I want to or ever have done. He needs to relax generally, he’s not very good at that. I just want him to get better. Thankfully life goes on, for all of us. Yesterday was my first rehearsal with the band, which I really enjoyed. Apart from my drunken fumblings at the folk jam night a few weeks ago, I haven’t played with a band for 3 and a half years, so it felt good to be back, though I can honestly say that in all that time I haven’t missed it, not one jot. This band is different to my last, less "showy", less "rocky", considerably less volume! They are all reasonably competent though, and well disciplined, so I think it’s going to work well. It all seemed to gel together straight away, got to be a good sign. They seemed very happy with me and what I did. They’ve had 2 temporary keyboard players since they reformed about 6 months ago, both technically better players than me, but they said that what I did seemed to fit better, suited their style more. That’s nice, I’m no concert pianist and can’t play jazz to save my life, but I don’t need to, they play rock and pop, and that’s my "bag", man… Can’t wait to get back on stage now, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it again, after it had all become a bit of a drag with the last band, for various reasons. And I’ll be showing people around here that transsexuals are normal people, they’ve done things like having piano lessons when they were kids, they can play in bands, they can even be talented, and most importantly, they can integrate into society, yes even Kendal society! They are not afraid to go out and be seen, are even prepared to stand on a stage and have the whole room look at them. It’s quite a good music scene around here, lots of local bands and plenty of pubs to cater for them, and musicians, the good ones at least seem to be fairly well respected by the local folk. I’m hoping that they will respect me, firstly for my one-fifth part in the band, and in turn for being myself and not being afraid to show it. I’m sure when word gets round that there is a Kendal band with a tranny in, it will attract some curiosity, but I hope to show them that this is irrelevant; I am, as always, just a keyboard player. Have to admit, I’m quite looking forward to wearing a short skirt and fishnets on stage. Hey, I’m a rock chick now, no-one can complain that I’m too old for that sort of thing, it’s what I’m supposed to do! Ok, I know, any excuse… xx
    481 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • One strong heart, and one less so I really should be learning songs right now, not reading the forums and posting about my favourite artists, or writing blogs, but what the hell… Last week my dad had a heart attack, his second, and slightly more serious this time by all accounts, but he seems to have survived it ok and is due out of hospital today. His first was fourteen years ago to the week. Of course I can’t visit him, he hasn’t seen me since June so I imagine it would be stressful for him, which of course he has to avoid, and he doesn’t want to see me anyway, now that I’ve been honest with him about my true gender and what I need to do about it. I asked my brother to tell him that I’d like to see him, perhaps when he’s feeling stronger, and would be prepared to go "en bloke", and wouldn’t be offended by him using my old name, which he still insists on doing when he refers to me. He is the only person I would do that for, the only reason I would make any attempt at presenting as male, though I don’t suppose I’d make a very good job of that now whatever I do with my hair… I can’t help wondering if I will ever see him again, so if that’s the only way then so be it. Somehow I don’t think he will even agree to seeing me like that, as it would mean not avoiding the issue. Anyway, I certainly can’t put any pressure on him, not that I want to or ever have done. He needs to relax generally, he’s not very good at that. I just want him to get better. Thankfully life goes on, for all of us. Yesterday was my first rehearsal with the band, which I really enjoyed. Apart from my drunken fumblings at the folk jam night a few weeks ago, I haven’t played with a band for 3 and a half years, so it felt good to be back, though I can honestly say that in all that time I haven’t missed it, not one jot. This band is different to my last, less "showy", less "rocky", considerably less volume! They are all reasonably competent though, and well disciplined, so I think it’s going to work well. It all seemed to gel together straight away, got to be a good sign. They seemed very happy with me and what I did. They’ve had 2 temporary keyboard players since they reformed about 6 months ago, both technically better players than me, but they said that what I did seemed to fit better, suited their style more. That’s nice, I’m no concert pianist and can’t play jazz to save my life, but I don’t need to, they play rock and pop, and that’s my "bag", man… Can’t wait to get back on stage now, I’m sure I’ll enjoy it again, after it had all become a bit of a drag with the last band, for various reasons. And I’ll be showing people around here that transsexuals are normal people, they’ve done things like having piano lessons when they were kids, they can play in bands, they can even be talented, and most importantly, they can integrate into society, yes even Kendal society! They are not afraid to go out and be seen, are even prepared to stand on a stage and have the whole room look at them. It’s quite a good music scene around here, lots of local bands and plenty of pubs to cater for them, and musicians, the good ones at least seem to be fairly well respected by the local folk. I’m hoping that they will respect me, firstly for my one-fifth part in the band, and in turn for being myself and not being afraid to show it. I’m sure when word gets round that there is a Kendal band with a tranny in, it will attract some curiosity, but I hope to show them that this is irrelevant; I am, as always, just a keyboard player. Have to admit, I’m quite looking forward to wearing a short skirt and fishnets on stage. Hey, I’m a rock chick now, no-one can complain that I’m too old for that sort of thing, it’s what I’m supposed to do! Ok, I know, any excuse… xx
    Feb 27, 2006 481
  • 17 Feb 2006
    Two weeks on my wagon… And I’m still rollin’ along… Two whole weeks without a drop of alcohol, it must be doing me good. I certainly feel better for it. Can’t say I’ve missed it at all either. The band thing is looking very promising, the bass player brought me round a CD of songs to learn (LOTS of work to do!) at the weekend so I’ve been locked in my studio all week, thoroughly enjoying myself actually. Well, there’s been a fair amount of frustration with technical issues, I’m using a keyboard I’ve never used on stage before, so it all needs working out and programming and patching up midi channels and levels and all technical stuff like that, plus I have to remember how the old stuff works, some of which I haven’t used for three and half years, ie last time I was on stage (I have samplers and modules and various effects and magic boxes and all sorts). However, nothing has defeated me yet and it’s very satisfying to actually get these machines to do what you want them to do. And I have some lovely new sounds too, great fun. I rather like the songs too, with only a couple of exceptions, it’s quite a diverse set, I like that; "samey" bands are so boring, and I think it will appeal to the sort of audience that frequent the pubs around here. The band also has another set of "standards" for weddings and functions, which is less exciting but certainly could be worse. All in all I have about 55 songs to learn, gulp. We’re rehearsing next week, 8 songs from the pub set, which I have just about got the hang of, and I’m confident that it’s all going to work out ok, unless of course they hate me or find my appearance shocking or bottle out of being the first band in Kendal to have a tranny in it. Hey, I’m a groundbreaker! I do hope they like me as I’m really looking forward to it now. Going on stage will be scary at first. Though I’ve been doing it all my life I’ve been away from it for a long time, have very rusty fingers, and although I have been on stage dressed as a woman before (fancy dress), I’ve never been on stage dressed as myself, actually being myself. If all this goes ahead, it couldn’t be a more public transition. I may just be weird, but I am kind of looking forward to that, scared or not. I’m sure I’ll soon settle in to it. I spoke to Pippa about all this tonight, and she mentioned my dad. Oh yes, my dad, who (when he was still talking to me) seemed to think that no-one would employ me and I’d be spending the rest of my life hidden away. This’ll show him. Hide away? Hardly. Can’t transition in Kendal – what are people going to think? Like I care, and no-one seems to be too bothered by it so far. Move to a big city where I can be anonymous (er, yeah dad, and get mugged and have my car stolen too yeah?)… I DON’T THINK SO. Hopefully when he hears of this it will make him think again, at least to the point of realising that I’m not a feeble-minded wimp without an ounce of courage, unable to stand up for myself. He really doesn’t know me very well. Come to think of it my dad’s keyboard player (for whom he has the greatest respect, Cambridge music degree and all) has depped (stood in) for this band not so long ago. I may only have a mere A-level in music, but am I afraid to perform in public cos I’m a tranny? No. I am not. Eat your words, father. So I am immersed in learning songs and programming keyboards at the moment, and will be for some time, but I’ll let you know if anything else happens, and when my first gig is, just in case anyone wants to come! I rang Charing Cross today, although they’ve given me a date for my next appointment they haven’t sent me the results of my blood tests yet, and therefore no word on a prescription. God they are useless. I spoke to the consultants’ secretary who just wanted to complain about her workload and the vagueness of the consultants and so on. She didn’t seem to want to help me at all, but I did my best to ask her to actually do something, in between whinging and whining about her job. Don’t have much hope, so may just have to wait until May, when it will all start over again no doubt. But I’m not really downhearted about all that, just would like to see my results. In the meantime my hormone regime seems to be progressing as it should and I’m feeling fit and well and I also have something to look forward to, and something to work for. Fuck Charing Cross, this girl is going to ROCK AND ROLL! xx
    470 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Two weeks on my wagon… And I’m still rollin’ along… Two whole weeks without a drop of alcohol, it must be doing me good. I certainly feel better for it. Can’t say I’ve missed it at all either. The band thing is looking very promising, the bass player brought me round a CD of songs to learn (LOTS of work to do!) at the weekend so I’ve been locked in my studio all week, thoroughly enjoying myself actually. Well, there’s been a fair amount of frustration with technical issues, I’m using a keyboard I’ve never used on stage before, so it all needs working out and programming and patching up midi channels and levels and all technical stuff like that, plus I have to remember how the old stuff works, some of which I haven’t used for three and half years, ie last time I was on stage (I have samplers and modules and various effects and magic boxes and all sorts). However, nothing has defeated me yet and it’s very satisfying to actually get these machines to do what you want them to do. And I have some lovely new sounds too, great fun. I rather like the songs too, with only a couple of exceptions, it’s quite a diverse set, I like that; "samey" bands are so boring, and I think it will appeal to the sort of audience that frequent the pubs around here. The band also has another set of "standards" for weddings and functions, which is less exciting but certainly could be worse. All in all I have about 55 songs to learn, gulp. We’re rehearsing next week, 8 songs from the pub set, which I have just about got the hang of, and I’m confident that it’s all going to work out ok, unless of course they hate me or find my appearance shocking or bottle out of being the first band in Kendal to have a tranny in it. Hey, I’m a groundbreaker! I do hope they like me as I’m really looking forward to it now. Going on stage will be scary at first. Though I’ve been doing it all my life I’ve been away from it for a long time, have very rusty fingers, and although I have been on stage dressed as a woman before (fancy dress), I’ve never been on stage dressed as myself, actually being myself. If all this goes ahead, it couldn’t be a more public transition. I may just be weird, but I am kind of looking forward to that, scared or not. I’m sure I’ll soon settle in to it. I spoke to Pippa about all this tonight, and she mentioned my dad. Oh yes, my dad, who (when he was still talking to me) seemed to think that no-one would employ me and I’d be spending the rest of my life hidden away. This’ll show him. Hide away? Hardly. Can’t transition in Kendal – what are people going to think? Like I care, and no-one seems to be too bothered by it so far. Move to a big city where I can be anonymous (er, yeah dad, and get mugged and have my car stolen too yeah?)… I DON’T THINK SO. Hopefully when he hears of this it will make him think again, at least to the point of realising that I’m not a feeble-minded wimp without an ounce of courage, unable to stand up for myself. He really doesn’t know me very well. Come to think of it my dad’s keyboard player (for whom he has the greatest respect, Cambridge music degree and all) has depped (stood in) for this band not so long ago. I may only have a mere A-level in music, but am I afraid to perform in public cos I’m a tranny? No. I am not. Eat your words, father. So I am immersed in learning songs and programming keyboards at the moment, and will be for some time, but I’ll let you know if anything else happens, and when my first gig is, just in case anyone wants to come! I rang Charing Cross today, although they’ve given me a date for my next appointment they haven’t sent me the results of my blood tests yet, and therefore no word on a prescription. God they are useless. I spoke to the consultants’ secretary who just wanted to complain about her workload and the vagueness of the consultants and so on. She didn’t seem to want to help me at all, but I did my best to ask her to actually do something, in between whinging and whining about her job. Don’t have much hope, so may just have to wait until May, when it will all start over again no doubt. But I’m not really downhearted about all that, just would like to see my results. In the meantime my hormone regime seems to be progressing as it should and I’m feeling fit and well and I also have something to look forward to, and something to work for. Fuck Charing Cross, this girl is going to ROCK AND ROLL! xx
    Feb 17, 2006 470
  • 07 Feb 2006
    A quick one before I go to bed… Blog, I mean, it will help me get to sleep quicker if I release the thoughts of the day in this way. Not that I have any specific thoughts. Gosh, this could be very short… Um… oh yeah, after appearing on BBC television TWO Sundays in a row, albeit briefly, very briefly, well ok for about 3 frames in total (what’s a frame, 1/24th of a second? Not very long is it…) one of my cousins, the gay one, also appeared on the BBC as a contestant in today’s Bargain Hunt. Needless to say he got a lot more screen-time than I did, but then he did have to put up with the ghastly Tim Wonnacott all day. Anyway, well done old boy, you did the family proud. Wonder which of us will be on telly next? I think I have finally, properly recovered from my excessive binge on Wednesday night, it took a few days, I don’t do things by halves. Actually come to think of it I was drinking halves, just lots of them. It really took a lot out of me and I have vowed never to do that again, even though it really was a fun night. Having spent some time living cleanly and healthily and really looking after my skin and everything I felt I’d blown all that away in just one night; spots and lumps suddenly started appearing again, my skin looked awful and the rings under my eyes looked like they had been applied with a marker pen. Never again. No I mean it this time. I do, honest. Pip and I are hoping to get down the Village soon, I certainly shall avoid all alcohol until then, and might even try to stay completely sober when we do go out. Though that will be odd. If I do drink, it certainly won’t be excessively. I think that’s the way it has to be from now on. I can’t drink anywhere near as much as I used to get away with, probably largely because of the hormones, and also my ever-increasing age, ugh. Anyway, all the doctors have said I mustn’t drink excessively so it’s about time I did what they told me. Speaking of doctors, I got a date for my next appointment at Charing Cross, at the end of May. No blood test results yet, which should have arrived by now so perhaps I ought to chase that up. From what I’ve heard, CX, if not the whole NHS in general is permanently in a state of, the right hand doesn’t know what the left is doing, so I can’t say I’m surprised. I would like to see my results though, to make sure everything is ok and out of interest to see what my testosterone and oestrogen levels are like. Hopefully, low and high, respectively. Development seems ok though, slow, gradual, like watching paint dry. Patience Lucy, patience. I posted some pics on the forum of my boobs at 3, 6 and 12 months, you can see it’s working, subtly. I’ve just passed 15 months now, maybe I should take some more pics, but I don’t think much has changed since the 12 month mark, besides, I have unsightly lumps on my chest after my binge (I get them on my chest as well as my face, alcohol is a BAD thing). So it’s back to my regime of self-care, in fact today I’m actually starting to feel good again having felt pretty rough all weekend. No more toxins. Healthy body, healthy mind, or is it the other way round? Night-night all. xx
    526 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • A quick one before I go to bed… Blog, I mean, it will help me get to sleep quicker if I release the thoughts of the day in this way. Not that I have any specific thoughts. Gosh, this could be very short… Um… oh yeah, after appearing on BBC television TWO Sundays in a row, albeit briefly, very briefly, well ok for about 3 frames in total (what’s a frame, 1/24th of a second? Not very long is it…) one of my cousins, the gay one, also appeared on the BBC as a contestant in today’s Bargain Hunt. Needless to say he got a lot more screen-time than I did, but then he did have to put up with the ghastly Tim Wonnacott all day. Anyway, well done old boy, you did the family proud. Wonder which of us will be on telly next? I think I have finally, properly recovered from my excessive binge on Wednesday night, it took a few days, I don’t do things by halves. Actually come to think of it I was drinking halves, just lots of them. It really took a lot out of me and I have vowed never to do that again, even though it really was a fun night. Having spent some time living cleanly and healthily and really looking after my skin and everything I felt I’d blown all that away in just one night; spots and lumps suddenly started appearing again, my skin looked awful and the rings under my eyes looked like they had been applied with a marker pen. Never again. No I mean it this time. I do, honest. Pip and I are hoping to get down the Village soon, I certainly shall avoid all alcohol until then, and might even try to stay completely sober when we do go out. Though that will be odd. If I do drink, it certainly won’t be excessively. I think that’s the way it has to be from now on. I can’t drink anywhere near as much as I used to get away with, probably largely because of the hormones, and also my ever-increasing age, ugh. Anyway, all the doctors have said I mustn’t drink excessively so it’s about time I did what they told me. Speaking of doctors, I got a date for my next appointment at Charing Cross, at the end of May. No blood test results yet, which should have arrived by now so perhaps I ought to chase that up. From what I’ve heard, CX, if not the whole NHS in general is permanently in a state of, the right hand doesn’t know what the left is doing, so I can’t say I’m surprised. I would like to see my results though, to make sure everything is ok and out of interest to see what my testosterone and oestrogen levels are like. Hopefully, low and high, respectively. Development seems ok though, slow, gradual, like watching paint dry. Patience Lucy, patience. I posted some pics on the forum of my boobs at 3, 6 and 12 months, you can see it’s working, subtly. I’ve just passed 15 months now, maybe I should take some more pics, but I don’t think much has changed since the 12 month mark, besides, I have unsightly lumps on my chest after my binge (I get them on my chest as well as my face, alcohol is a BAD thing). So it’s back to my regime of self-care, in fact today I’m actually starting to feel good again having felt pretty rough all weekend. No more toxins. Healthy body, healthy mind, or is it the other way round? Night-night all. xx
    Feb 07, 2006 526
  • 04 Feb 2006
    Join the club Wednesday night saw the first meeting of the Kendal and District T-girl Society. Actually no it didn’t, but it’s kind of getting that way… My new t-friend Stephie, from Kendal, has met another girl from a small town just a few miles away. Her name’s Gillian, lovely girl. So Stephie invited her out to one of our several Chinese restaurants to meet me and Sue, and then out for a drink or two and meet up with Laura, Sue’s t-daughter. Ok I’ll drop the t-prefix now, it’s getting boring. Suffice to say we’re all in the same club, so there you go. Alright, it’s only 5 of us, but hey this is only a small town. The food was good and we all had a good chat and compared notes, like you do. I really never thought I’d get the chance to do that, certainly not locally anyway, so that’s kind of nice. It was the first time I’ve used chopsticks since I’ve been going out wearing lipstick. I thought I’d make a mess of my lippy using them, but I actually did rather well. Quite dainty even. We went to the bar at the local arts centre to meet Laura and some of her friends. It’s the kind of place you know you can relax, know there won’t be any beer-swilling loudmouth yobs, it being an arts centre and all. The sort of place where girls like us go virtually unnoticed, regardless of how passable (or not) we are. It was the folk jam-session night at one of my other favourite places in town – Dickie Doodles, a small pub on the high street, so that was the next stop. The guy who hosts the folk night is actually an old employer of mine, from when I worked part-time as sound and light engineer at the arts centre, about 20 years ago. This was the third time I’d been to the folk night since I met Sue, who always goes, but the first time I’d spoken to Bill, my old employer and folk-banjo maestro. Sue had to tell him who I was, though I think he’d realised he knew me from somewhere. He was very sweet, especially when I got up and joined in on someone’s cute ickle harmonium. All of the (partially impromptu) band had only ever seen the harmonium player play the harmonium before, so it caused a bit of surprise to see someone else sitting there. Just in case you don’t know a harmonium is a bit like a small organ, with footpedals operating bellows, no electronics, something I’m not used to! This however was very small, about knee-high and only 3 octaves, cute. If you know "The Wall" by Pink Floyd, the very beginning and very end ("All alone or in twos, the ones who really love you…"), that’s a harmonium. Anyway, that was my first public "performance" in over 3 years, and I quite enjoyed it. Never even really played any folk before either, but I’ve done my fair share of "jamming", so I can follow chords, and I know my scales, or rather, modes. Bill said thanks and well done and told me that musicians get free drinks so what would I like, well, how could I refuse, so I had yet another drink, it was getting quite late by then. Of course there was a lock-in and the die-hards in the band carried on playing and/or drinking, as folk bands do I guess, so me and Sue stayed on to soak up the atmosphere and yet more alcohol. During a lull in the music I got up and played the pub's piano on my own, now somewhat oblivious to the fact that it was so long since I’d actually played in public, but hey, it’s like riding a bike. I probably could have done with stabilisers after all that booze, but I enjoyed playing, and just lost myself in the music. And blimey, it was only a bloody Bechstein wasn’t it, an upright of course, me only vaguely so... After a couple of songs from my repertoire and a bit of "improv" someone else offered me a drink so I gave them all a rest from my drunken playing, but got lots of pats on the back/arms/shoulder and warm compliments so that was nice. (No, Pip; Pat is not an Irish folk musician). I may need to get used to playing in public again because a local, recently reformed band has offered me a job with them. Well, I say job, the occasional gig at weekends, that sort of thing, but that’s all I’d like to do at the moment. Their bass player was there at the folk night so I had a good chat with him and it sounds like the sort of stuff I will enjoy so he’s going to get me a tape of songs (all covers), and hopefully soon I’ll go along to a rehearsal and just see what happens, no obligations on either part. Nothing may come of this, so I won’t make a fuss about it, but I can’t help thinking it’s rather brave of them to have a tranny in the band. Although they all used to know me (the guitarist was in my last band for a couple of years, early on in its history), only the bass player has met me in my new role. As I’ve grown up, and especially recently, people around here seem to have evolved from small-town mentality to liberal thinking, free-spirit attitude. It feels not in the least daunting to go on a tranny night out (I expect the other girls wouldn’t thank me for describing it like that, but you know what I mean). There is no need to feel daunted, whether with friends or alone, because no-one seems to think anything of it. I suppose it is different at weekends; there are many more heavily-drinking blokes out, the local rugby team for example were at my brother’s gig in town last month, but even those sorts seem to have the sense to not take the piss. They’re just curious really, some approach me, very politely asking questions, risking their sexuality being questioned no doubt, "Do you mind if I ask you this…" and so on. I don’t mind that, why should I mind? I bet some of them are just jealous, wishing they could do this, if only they weren’t rugby players… All in all I had a great night; another really lovely girl initiated into our local women’s guild, some good music, some drunken piano playing, and a wonderful atmosphere. The next day of course I seriously regretted the over-indulgence. The day after, I’ve nearly recovered. I really mustn’t do that again. The alcohol part that is, the rest of it was fantastic. xx
    489 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Join the club Wednesday night saw the first meeting of the Kendal and District T-girl Society. Actually no it didn’t, but it’s kind of getting that way… My new t-friend Stephie, from Kendal, has met another girl from a small town just a few miles away. Her name’s Gillian, lovely girl. So Stephie invited her out to one of our several Chinese restaurants to meet me and Sue, and then out for a drink or two and meet up with Laura, Sue’s t-daughter. Ok I’ll drop the t-prefix now, it’s getting boring. Suffice to say we’re all in the same club, so there you go. Alright, it’s only 5 of us, but hey this is only a small town. The food was good and we all had a good chat and compared notes, like you do. I really never thought I’d get the chance to do that, certainly not locally anyway, so that’s kind of nice. It was the first time I’ve used chopsticks since I’ve been going out wearing lipstick. I thought I’d make a mess of my lippy using them, but I actually did rather well. Quite dainty even. We went to the bar at the local arts centre to meet Laura and some of her friends. It’s the kind of place you know you can relax, know there won’t be any beer-swilling loudmouth yobs, it being an arts centre and all. The sort of place where girls like us go virtually unnoticed, regardless of how passable (or not) we are. It was the folk jam-session night at one of my other favourite places in town – Dickie Doodles, a small pub on the high street, so that was the next stop. The guy who hosts the folk night is actually an old employer of mine, from when I worked part-time as sound and light engineer at the arts centre, about 20 years ago. This was the third time I’d been to the folk night since I met Sue, who always goes, but the first time I’d spoken to Bill, my old employer and folk-banjo maestro. Sue had to tell him who I was, though I think he’d realised he knew me from somewhere. He was very sweet, especially when I got up and joined in on someone’s cute ickle harmonium. All of the (partially impromptu) band had only ever seen the harmonium player play the harmonium before, so it caused a bit of surprise to see someone else sitting there. Just in case you don’t know a harmonium is a bit like a small organ, with footpedals operating bellows, no electronics, something I’m not used to! This however was very small, about knee-high and only 3 octaves, cute. If you know "The Wall" by Pink Floyd, the very beginning and very end ("All alone or in twos, the ones who really love you…"), that’s a harmonium. Anyway, that was my first public "performance" in over 3 years, and I quite enjoyed it. Never even really played any folk before either, but I’ve done my fair share of "jamming", so I can follow chords, and I know my scales, or rather, modes. Bill said thanks and well done and told me that musicians get free drinks so what would I like, well, how could I refuse, so I had yet another drink, it was getting quite late by then. Of course there was a lock-in and the die-hards in the band carried on playing and/or drinking, as folk bands do I guess, so me and Sue stayed on to soak up the atmosphere and yet more alcohol. During a lull in the music I got up and played the pub's piano on my own, now somewhat oblivious to the fact that it was so long since I’d actually played in public, but hey, it’s like riding a bike. I probably could have done with stabilisers after all that booze, but I enjoyed playing, and just lost myself in the music. And blimey, it was only a bloody Bechstein wasn’t it, an upright of course, me only vaguely so... After a couple of songs from my repertoire and a bit of "improv" someone else offered me a drink so I gave them all a rest from my drunken playing, but got lots of pats on the back/arms/shoulder and warm compliments so that was nice. (No, Pip; Pat is not an Irish folk musician). I may need to get used to playing in public again because a local, recently reformed band has offered me a job with them. Well, I say job, the occasional gig at weekends, that sort of thing, but that’s all I’d like to do at the moment. Their bass player was there at the folk night so I had a good chat with him and it sounds like the sort of stuff I will enjoy so he’s going to get me a tape of songs (all covers), and hopefully soon I’ll go along to a rehearsal and just see what happens, no obligations on either part. Nothing may come of this, so I won’t make a fuss about it, but I can’t help thinking it’s rather brave of them to have a tranny in the band. Although they all used to know me (the guitarist was in my last band for a couple of years, early on in its history), only the bass player has met me in my new role. As I’ve grown up, and especially recently, people around here seem to have evolved from small-town mentality to liberal thinking, free-spirit attitude. It feels not in the least daunting to go on a tranny night out (I expect the other girls wouldn’t thank me for describing it like that, but you know what I mean). There is no need to feel daunted, whether with friends or alone, because no-one seems to think anything of it. I suppose it is different at weekends; there are many more heavily-drinking blokes out, the local rugby team for example were at my brother’s gig in town last month, but even those sorts seem to have the sense to not take the piss. They’re just curious really, some approach me, very politely asking questions, risking their sexuality being questioned no doubt, "Do you mind if I ask you this…" and so on. I don’t mind that, why should I mind? I bet some of them are just jealous, wishing they could do this, if only they weren’t rugby players… All in all I had a great night; another really lovely girl initiated into our local women’s guild, some good music, some drunken piano playing, and a wonderful atmosphere. The next day of course I seriously regretted the over-indulgence. The day after, I’ve nearly recovered. I really mustn’t do that again. The alcohol part that is, the rest of it was fantastic. xx
    Feb 04, 2006 489
  • 29 Jan 2006
    Mary’s Dance Who the fuck is Mary…? Actually, I’ve no idea, but I shall try to explain the title nevertheless. On my way back from Pip’s today I played an old tape I had found of an ex band, the recording made when I was 18/19, done in our own private (but very humble) recording studio on the side of Lake Windermere. Memories came flooding back and it was great to hear the music that had meant so much to me at the time. Over a particularly long synthesiser solo at the end of one very jolly, uplifting song, the setting sun suddenly appeared in my rear mirror, a deep orangey-red colour, it’s aura lighting up the cloudless sky in a lovely shade of purpley-pink, stunningly beautiful, and one of those special moments - the music perfectly suiting the beautiful shades in the sky, all creating a mood, an atmosphere, you had to be there really. Almost a religious experience, breathtaking. As the motorway gently turned, the now deep red disc of the sun could be seen from my side window, along with the next track on the tape, a song called "Mary’s Dance". The guitarist wrote it, I never found out who Mary was. As I glanced out across one of the most amazing sunsets I have ever seen, the lyric went: "Mary’s dancing on the causeway, with her hair on fire in the setting sun, and the traffic rolls along the freeway…" etc. It was that sort of sun, one that would set your hair alight, metaphorically speaking of course… A beautiful moment, I wish I’d had my camera. I was already uplifted having spent a day and a night with my beloved, and the awesome beauty of the sunset combined with the feel-good factor of my old music just seemed to cap it off perfectly. I seemed to get home in no time, it was a lovely journey, and had been a lovely weekend. Pip as always looked after me like a princess, super food babe, yum, and well, everything else, cor blimey, you know what I mean… (Come on girls, use your imagination). With a great deal of help from Pip I now have a makeshift electronic drum kit in my studio, (which is in a spare room, and sadly not on the shores of Lake Windermere, but this place certainly has its charm). So for the last few weeks I’ve been trying to learn to play the drums. I knew a few basics already, very basics, having always messed around on other people’s kits when I was younger. And if I have a forte, it’s probably in production, so I know about drum patterns and stuff, hopefully learning to play them will help me further, but that aside, it’s great fun, very satisfying, but I have a long way to go, as anyone does when learning a new instrument. I always wanted to play the drums, from when I was very young. I remember watching my dad’s band for the first time (coincidentally on a steamer on Lake Windermere!) and was awe-struck by the syncopation (a word I wouldn’t have known then, I was about 6) employed by the drummer, and I loved watching his hi-hat go up and down! I realised even then that there was more to drumming than I’d thought, they all make it look so easy on Top of the Pops. Of course my parents would never buy me a drum kit, far too noisy, can’t say I blame them, so I took up piano lessons instead. Which would stand me in good stead, learning about music theory as well as eventually finding I could play almost any instrument with the aid of an electronic keyboard and sampler. Isn’t modern technology wonderful. Thanks to such technology I can now learn to play the drums without annoying the neighbours, too much. Pip even lent me one of the pads from her snazzy new electric kit, which has much more of a real feel to it. You are so good to me babe, in oh so many ways, I’m so grateful, for everything. xx The last two days have been beautiful here, the weather I mean, not just because I was with Pip, cloudless, sunny, crisp, though of course suitably cold for January. It gives one hope that summer WILL arrive, eventually. I look forward to it eagerly. Wet, miserable and grey is not uplifting weather, and you certainly wouldn’t find Mary dancing on the causeway. Sometimes, regardless of anything, it just feels good to be alive. xx
    466 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Mary’s Dance Who the fuck is Mary…? Actually, I’ve no idea, but I shall try to explain the title nevertheless. On my way back from Pip’s today I played an old tape I had found of an ex band, the recording made when I was 18/19, done in our own private (but very humble) recording studio on the side of Lake Windermere. Memories came flooding back and it was great to hear the music that had meant so much to me at the time. Over a particularly long synthesiser solo at the end of one very jolly, uplifting song, the setting sun suddenly appeared in my rear mirror, a deep orangey-red colour, it’s aura lighting up the cloudless sky in a lovely shade of purpley-pink, stunningly beautiful, and one of those special moments - the music perfectly suiting the beautiful shades in the sky, all creating a mood, an atmosphere, you had to be there really. Almost a religious experience, breathtaking. As the motorway gently turned, the now deep red disc of the sun could be seen from my side window, along with the next track on the tape, a song called "Mary’s Dance". The guitarist wrote it, I never found out who Mary was. As I glanced out across one of the most amazing sunsets I have ever seen, the lyric went: "Mary’s dancing on the causeway, with her hair on fire in the setting sun, and the traffic rolls along the freeway…" etc. It was that sort of sun, one that would set your hair alight, metaphorically speaking of course… A beautiful moment, I wish I’d had my camera. I was already uplifted having spent a day and a night with my beloved, and the awesome beauty of the sunset combined with the feel-good factor of my old music just seemed to cap it off perfectly. I seemed to get home in no time, it was a lovely journey, and had been a lovely weekend. Pip as always looked after me like a princess, super food babe, yum, and well, everything else, cor blimey, you know what I mean… (Come on girls, use your imagination). With a great deal of help from Pip I now have a makeshift electronic drum kit in my studio, (which is in a spare room, and sadly not on the shores of Lake Windermere, but this place certainly has its charm). So for the last few weeks I’ve been trying to learn to play the drums. I knew a few basics already, very basics, having always messed around on other people’s kits when I was younger. And if I have a forte, it’s probably in production, so I know about drum patterns and stuff, hopefully learning to play them will help me further, but that aside, it’s great fun, very satisfying, but I have a long way to go, as anyone does when learning a new instrument. I always wanted to play the drums, from when I was very young. I remember watching my dad’s band for the first time (coincidentally on a steamer on Lake Windermere!) and was awe-struck by the syncopation (a word I wouldn’t have known then, I was about 6) employed by the drummer, and I loved watching his hi-hat go up and down! I realised even then that there was more to drumming than I’d thought, they all make it look so easy on Top of the Pops. Of course my parents would never buy me a drum kit, far too noisy, can’t say I blame them, so I took up piano lessons instead. Which would stand me in good stead, learning about music theory as well as eventually finding I could play almost any instrument with the aid of an electronic keyboard and sampler. Isn’t modern technology wonderful. Thanks to such technology I can now learn to play the drums without annoying the neighbours, too much. Pip even lent me one of the pads from her snazzy new electric kit, which has much more of a real feel to it. You are so good to me babe, in oh so many ways, I’m so grateful, for everything. xx The last two days have been beautiful here, the weather I mean, not just because I was with Pip, cloudless, sunny, crisp, though of course suitably cold for January. It gives one hope that summer WILL arrive, eventually. I look forward to it eagerly. Wet, miserable and grey is not uplifting weather, and you certainly wouldn’t find Mary dancing on the causeway. Sometimes, regardless of anything, it just feels good to be alive. xx
    Jan 29, 2006 466
  • 23 Jan 2006
    Can’t beat a good stake… There’s been something odd about this week that I just can’t put my finger on. For some reason since last Sunday I haven’t been able to get to sleep. Often I go to bed and lie awake for a while, maybe mulling over the day’s events or whatever, but all week I’ve been lying awake for hours and then only getting very intermittent bursts of sleep. On Friday for example I went to bed about 2am, read until 3am when I felt like I was nodding off so put the light out, and was wide awake for about 5 hours. I couldn’t believe it when I looked at my clock and it was nearly 8am and I hadn’t yet slept a wink. I then slept sporadically for about half an hour at a time. I gave up at 2pm after a total of 3 or 4 hour’s sleep and got up, feeling pretty tired. Last night wasn’t much better despite, I would have thought, a lot of sleep to catch up on. Never been like this before. Oh well. Perhaps I’m not blogging enough. Maybe I’m taking in lots of information and not getting enough out of my system. Maybe family things are on my mind, haven’t heard from dad since about October, brother has been giving me his opinions again, though of course mum continues to be a rock. Maybe it’s just the time of the month… Well anyway, never mind. Tonight was the first episode of the BBC’s "The Virgin Queen", for which mum and I were extras, so I recorded it as I expected our appearances to be rather fleeting. Bit of an understatement actually. I had to watch "our" scene a few times frame by frame before I spotted us, caught for a fraction of a second during a fast pan across, with someone being burnt at the stake in front of us, amidst lots of smoke. Good scene though, very dramatic, took all day to shoot, and lasted about 2 minutes. I was called at the last minute to do another scene the next day, not an angry peasant this time but a royal groupie, courtiers I think they called them, watching a game of indoor tennis. They stuck me on the end of the row though so I doubt I’ll get any more screen time, if I’m in shot at all. Just have to wait and see. I’ll record the rest of the show, 3 more episodes, just for posterity, then I can say, "I was in that!" It was mum’s birthday this week so I invited her over for dinner one night, and cooked teriyaki salmon, delicious, she was most impressed, and we had a really good chat about, stuff. I’ve been enjoying my food this week, not that I don’t always, but I’ve been trying a few things I’ve never made before, including the above, and one night I made myself beef en croute, as I saw someone do it on telly and it looked easy. It was, and it was heavenly. I do like cooking, and especially eating, which I could do for England if it was a national sport. It’s some sort of miracle that I never get above 10 stone, or maybe it’s just my metabolism. Anyway I am trying to make sure that all the food I put into my body these days is healthy, apart from the occasional piece of chocolate, which no girl should live without of course. I’m now looking ahead to surgery, FFS and SRS both hopefully within the next 12 – 18 months, and for which I will need to be fit and healthy, so I need to start exercising a bit more too. As a member of 4 support groups for these issues I read about people’s experiences every day, and have been doing for about a year, so I have a pretty good idea what to expect, and it’s going to be quite gruelling; I need to be sensible and prepare myself fully. I’m no spring chicken and I haven’t lived the healthiest of lifestyles, though that has all changed since coming out and feeling much better about myself, apart from the occasional binge, which I simply must give up doing. What I plan to do is serious and heavy going and will take its toll on my body, and I must approach it all sensibly and realistically. So I don’t just eat rich food (also this week I made lamb steaks in a white wine and cassis sauce with roasted root vegetables, mmm), but make sure to include lots of fruit, plenty of vegetables and salad, and now have juice instead of coffee for breakfast, and always, always – lots of water. It must be doing me good, mustn’t it? After 3 or 4 days of not being able to get off to sleep I decided to spend some time pampering myself, in the hope that it would relax me. So I did a clay face mask, soaked in a hot bubbly bath, applied eye cream, face cream, foot cream, and moisturised just about everywhere else, gave myself a manicure, even put my hair in curlers just for fun. I have to say I felt wonderful after all that, extremely relaxed and refreshed, like my soul had been cleansed. Still didn’t sleep well though, bugger. I have no plans for this week so I intend to do some more of that, I have so many lotions and potions lying about that I rarely use. Today I got out my micro-dermabrasion kit and did some more moisturising and stuff, and my skin is now positively glowing. Nice to indulge one’s self now and then, and when it’s with things that aren’t bad for you there’s no need to feel guilty about it! I think I will keep up this "regime" all week, and hopefully I will be looking and feeling my best when I go down to visit Pippa at the weekend. Girly time is great, but even better when it’s shared with someone you love. xx
    526 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • Can’t beat a good stake… There’s been something odd about this week that I just can’t put my finger on. For some reason since last Sunday I haven’t been able to get to sleep. Often I go to bed and lie awake for a while, maybe mulling over the day’s events or whatever, but all week I’ve been lying awake for hours and then only getting very intermittent bursts of sleep. On Friday for example I went to bed about 2am, read until 3am when I felt like I was nodding off so put the light out, and was wide awake for about 5 hours. I couldn’t believe it when I looked at my clock and it was nearly 8am and I hadn’t yet slept a wink. I then slept sporadically for about half an hour at a time. I gave up at 2pm after a total of 3 or 4 hour’s sleep and got up, feeling pretty tired. Last night wasn’t much better despite, I would have thought, a lot of sleep to catch up on. Never been like this before. Oh well. Perhaps I’m not blogging enough. Maybe I’m taking in lots of information and not getting enough out of my system. Maybe family things are on my mind, haven’t heard from dad since about October, brother has been giving me his opinions again, though of course mum continues to be a rock. Maybe it’s just the time of the month… Well anyway, never mind. Tonight was the first episode of the BBC’s "The Virgin Queen", for which mum and I were extras, so I recorded it as I expected our appearances to be rather fleeting. Bit of an understatement actually. I had to watch "our" scene a few times frame by frame before I spotted us, caught for a fraction of a second during a fast pan across, with someone being burnt at the stake in front of us, amidst lots of smoke. Good scene though, very dramatic, took all day to shoot, and lasted about 2 minutes. I was called at the last minute to do another scene the next day, not an angry peasant this time but a royal groupie, courtiers I think they called them, watching a game of indoor tennis. They stuck me on the end of the row though so I doubt I’ll get any more screen time, if I’m in shot at all. Just have to wait and see. I’ll record the rest of the show, 3 more episodes, just for posterity, then I can say, "I was in that!" It was mum’s birthday this week so I invited her over for dinner one night, and cooked teriyaki salmon, delicious, she was most impressed, and we had a really good chat about, stuff. I’ve been enjoying my food this week, not that I don’t always, but I’ve been trying a few things I’ve never made before, including the above, and one night I made myself beef en croute, as I saw someone do it on telly and it looked easy. It was, and it was heavenly. I do like cooking, and especially eating, which I could do for England if it was a national sport. It’s some sort of miracle that I never get above 10 stone, or maybe it’s just my metabolism. Anyway I am trying to make sure that all the food I put into my body these days is healthy, apart from the occasional piece of chocolate, which no girl should live without of course. I’m now looking ahead to surgery, FFS and SRS both hopefully within the next 12 – 18 months, and for which I will need to be fit and healthy, so I need to start exercising a bit more too. As a member of 4 support groups for these issues I read about people’s experiences every day, and have been doing for about a year, so I have a pretty good idea what to expect, and it’s going to be quite gruelling; I need to be sensible and prepare myself fully. I’m no spring chicken and I haven’t lived the healthiest of lifestyles, though that has all changed since coming out and feeling much better about myself, apart from the occasional binge, which I simply must give up doing. What I plan to do is serious and heavy going and will take its toll on my body, and I must approach it all sensibly and realistically. So I don’t just eat rich food (also this week I made lamb steaks in a white wine and cassis sauce with roasted root vegetables, mmm), but make sure to include lots of fruit, plenty of vegetables and salad, and now have juice instead of coffee for breakfast, and always, always – lots of water. It must be doing me good, mustn’t it? After 3 or 4 days of not being able to get off to sleep I decided to spend some time pampering myself, in the hope that it would relax me. So I did a clay face mask, soaked in a hot bubbly bath, applied eye cream, face cream, foot cream, and moisturised just about everywhere else, gave myself a manicure, even put my hair in curlers just for fun. I have to say I felt wonderful after all that, extremely relaxed and refreshed, like my soul had been cleansed. Still didn’t sleep well though, bugger. I have no plans for this week so I intend to do some more of that, I have so many lotions and potions lying about that I rarely use. Today I got out my micro-dermabrasion kit and did some more moisturising and stuff, and my skin is now positively glowing. Nice to indulge one’s self now and then, and when it’s with things that aren’t bad for you there’s no need to feel guilty about it! I think I will keep up this "regime" all week, and hopefully I will be looking and feeling my best when I go down to visit Pippa at the weekend. Girly time is great, but even better when it’s shared with someone you love. xx
    Jan 23, 2006 526
  • 17 Jan 2006
    It’s been a long time since I rock and rolled… I mean blogged, sorry dear blog I’ve been neglecting you. Christmas seems so far away it seems strange to be even talking about it, but I’d like to give this one a quick mention, for my own personal record. One or two differences to my previous 41 Christmases this time, I haven’t seen my dad since June so he was out of the picture. Strange, and a little sad that on the one day of the year when I always see him he was having none of it. That aside, things were generally a lot better, at least I felt a lot better. I went to mum’s along with my gran, cousin Tracy and 2 friends – a woman I’ve known all my life and her new(ish) husband who I was meeting for the first time. As it was Christmas I put on a nice skirt, a lovely black satin A-line with embroidered hem that I’d bought recently. Tracy also wore a posh skirt so that was nice, I’ve always thought of her more as a sister so it was great to share this day with her and be, well, like sisters. Perhaps the greatest relief this year was that no-one bought me after-shave, socks, useless blokey gadgets or anything else that I really didn’t want to receive. Now I hope that doesn’t sound selfish but blokey stuff really has never been any use to me and it’s something I always hated getting, not cos it was useless but because it was blokey; it only served to remind me of the lie I was living. That stuff is meant for someone else, not me… All my presents were suitably girly, so I’ve got to say that was really, really lovely. Jewellery, accessories, pampery stuff… super. I felt loved. And all the cards I got were correctly addressed to Lucy so I guess just about everyone knows by know, apart from a few ghosts. No doubt they’ll be popping up in the future. Unlike Scrooge, ghosts of Christmas yet to come are the spirits I fear the least. Like Scrooge, I’m a changed person, and I look forward to the future with relish. I actually want tomorrow to come, rather than blot out today and not have to think about it. The future for me holds more change, instead of more drudgery, and I’m not yet changed enough to feel complete. So I welcome tomorrow knowing that it’s one day closer to my goal, rather than just another day, much like yesterday… The previous Christmas, mum was the only one in our family who knew about Lucy so she gave me a few girly pressies before "the" day cos she knew what I’d want, but really this was my first public "Lucy" Christmas. Other than that it was turkey and mince pies as normal. This Saturday another first happened, oh god should I even tell anyone? Well it’s not that bad really… My brother was up doing another DJ night at my local, and afterwards we had a lock-in. I wasn’t going to stay all night or get drunk but everyone was nagging me to have a good time and have another drink so I did. Anyway, bruv set up a karaoke thing and you know what’s coming next don’t you. Yes, I sang, on stage, in front of people, in a skirt. Come to think of it I’ve done that before but that was just fancy dress and I was only doing backing vocals with a full band and I had 3 keyboards to hide behind. This time I was like "the singer"! Oh god I’ve NEVER done that before, always refused point blank to sing karaoke, well, to sing anything on my own actually. So I must have been quite drunk but it was more than that; no amount of alcohol would ever have given me the confidence to sing in public as a bloke, so surely this shows that there is person inside me that could never come out before, could never do those sort of things. Well, now she can, and she’s here to stay. Oh and by the way I did "Walk like an Egyptian" by The Bangles and everyone got up and did the sand dance and one of the girls got up and did the ""Way oh way ohh" bits with me. Girly rock and roll - love it. xx
    556 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  • It’s been a long time since I rock and rolled… I mean blogged, sorry dear blog I’ve been neglecting you. Christmas seems so far away it seems strange to be even talking about it, but I’d like to give this one a quick mention, for my own personal record. One or two differences to my previous 41 Christmases this time, I haven’t seen my dad since June so he was out of the picture. Strange, and a little sad that on the one day of the year when I always see him he was having none of it. That aside, things were generally a lot better, at least I felt a lot better. I went to mum’s along with my gran, cousin Tracy and 2 friends – a woman I’ve known all my life and her new(ish) husband who I was meeting for the first time. As it was Christmas I put on a nice skirt, a lovely black satin A-line with embroidered hem that I’d bought recently. Tracy also wore a posh skirt so that was nice, I’ve always thought of her more as a sister so it was great to share this day with her and be, well, like sisters. Perhaps the greatest relief this year was that no-one bought me after-shave, socks, useless blokey gadgets or anything else that I really didn’t want to receive. Now I hope that doesn’t sound selfish but blokey stuff really has never been any use to me and it’s something I always hated getting, not cos it was useless but because it was blokey; it only served to remind me of the lie I was living. That stuff is meant for someone else, not me… All my presents were suitably girly, so I’ve got to say that was really, really lovely. Jewellery, accessories, pampery stuff… super. I felt loved. And all the cards I got were correctly addressed to Lucy so I guess just about everyone knows by know, apart from a few ghosts. No doubt they’ll be popping up in the future. Unlike Scrooge, ghosts of Christmas yet to come are the spirits I fear the least. Like Scrooge, I’m a changed person, and I look forward to the future with relish. I actually want tomorrow to come, rather than blot out today and not have to think about it. The future for me holds more change, instead of more drudgery, and I’m not yet changed enough to feel complete. So I welcome tomorrow knowing that it’s one day closer to my goal, rather than just another day, much like yesterday… The previous Christmas, mum was the only one in our family who knew about Lucy so she gave me a few girly pressies before "the" day cos she knew what I’d want, but really this was my first public "Lucy" Christmas. Other than that it was turkey and mince pies as normal. This Saturday another first happened, oh god should I even tell anyone? Well it’s not that bad really… My brother was up doing another DJ night at my local, and afterwards we had a lock-in. I wasn’t going to stay all night or get drunk but everyone was nagging me to have a good time and have another drink so I did. Anyway, bruv set up a karaoke thing and you know what’s coming next don’t you. Yes, I sang, on stage, in front of people, in a skirt. Come to think of it I’ve done that before but that was just fancy dress and I was only doing backing vocals with a full band and I had 3 keyboards to hide behind. This time I was like "the singer"! Oh god I’ve NEVER done that before, always refused point blank to sing karaoke, well, to sing anything on my own actually. So I must have been quite drunk but it was more than that; no amount of alcohol would ever have given me the confidence to sing in public as a bloke, so surely this shows that there is person inside me that could never come out before, could never do those sort of things. Well, now she can, and she’s here to stay. Oh and by the way I did "Walk like an Egyptian" by The Bangles and everyone got up and did the sand dance and one of the girls got up and did the ""Way oh way ohh" bits with me. Girly rock and roll - love it. xx
    Jan 17, 2006 556