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Just over 2 years since I come out as ftm, over 1 year on hormones.
So life before as I know it now I identified as a straight feminine female (tried to), I was attracted to men, masculinity in women (butch) I was always done up daily make up, nails, hair, clothes etc, if I didn't I would feel like a complete failure, didn't have many women friends, got along with men as crushes, mutual friends, dates etc
Now two years out as trans, I am comfortable with my self that I don't have to dress up in my best just to pop up the shop for milk ( which is a good thing )
BUT!! Since I've come out I have lost my confidence when it comes to interacting with males, ie at the gym , I am blessed that I have male passing privilege but I avoid all eye contact n get to my destination with my eyes towards the floor, that was never like me before,
I now tend to be more comfortable with females then before, making friends, I will be more comfortable with a group of women instead of men (before was visa versa).
And what I'm attracted too just got a whole lot more complicated, without trying to put people into boxes or "labeling" anyone I don't like masculine men but I find them attractive to look at and that is all, I like feminine males, with out stereotyping too much the "feminine males" I've interacted with till now have come with a hole load of drama which I'm not used ( just In my experience ).
The "butch" lesbian (again sorry for stereotyping, it's what I find attractive) they are not interested as they are attracted to women (femininity in general) and me as a Transman havent got that much femininity, and if I have it would come across (stereotypically ) as gay :/
To top it all of I have a personal trainer that I work out with twice a week, and I think I have a crush on him. He knows I am trans, he is straight, still doesn't stop me from having inappropriate thoughts about him during our sessions, and as I'm body building training (early stages, nothing to brag about yet) there have been some pretty not appropriate position we've been in the the naughty thoughts just keep coming (pun not intended)
Not sure why I felt the need to spill my guts, hope this helps some one if they feel like this and if any one else has felt like this would love some advice feed back
