Having a moment

• Posted by Rachel de Blanc August 8, 2014 1,335 views
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  I am having a moment. It's between birth and death and it's called life, and the period that I am specifically writing about is so present that it's frequently referred to as now - at least it was a moment ago.
  I found myself at the verge, the verge of booking an appointment with a local therapist and finally holding a conversation in the present tense (sometime in the future) about who I am, where I maybe going and where I have been. I had completed the email and even reflected within it that my fingers were hovering over delete, before my digits ultimately undid the message.
  I am having a moment because I have dressed, relaxed in privacy and eaten breakfast en-femme after supper en-femme and a sleepless night the same.
  I have worked day long with the whisps of a blonde wig etched into my retina (has this happened to you?) as a ghostly aparition and reminder of a lighter self. I had a good day but was tired, and the vulnerability that tiredness brings has made me a little melancholic, or perhaps particularly open, and so I am typing here, wanting to communicate, but perhaps really in need of collapsing into a sobbing comforting hug of understanding. That therapist doesn't perhaps appreciate how close her escape was..
  Moments return of course, and this one doesn't feel like its going way too soon. Sleep will assist, and I'm seeking that comfort soon.
  I repeated another favourite trick of mine, probably recorded in some medical almanac as the act of a disturbed mind this, but try it yourself, it's entertaining enough on a quiet night in. Stand in front of a mirror (clothed or not) and stare deeply into your eyes. Hold the stare and let the eye muscles relax a bit so that everything once sharp becomes engagingly blurry. Then go on a journey with your stare and watch your physique change, morph and shimmer. You can take a quick journey to a different place - get the lighting wrong you'll scare yourself to death because your skeltal construction can loom large. Stop breathing and you'll faint (I suspect) so keep hard surfaces at a distance. Think optimistically and you'll see what you've always perceived. Smiling when you recognise the reflection has a habit of bringing everything back to focus, and if that doesn't occur guess the next calls to an Optometrist.
  Go on, have a moment to yourself too.
  Rachel x