Broken Silence

• Posted by Rachel de Blanc March 10, 2016 #  #  994 views
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  Hi Everyone. It's been a long time, and it's been a long time coming, but Ihave finally spoken face-to-face with someone about my Gender Dysphoria and my belief that I am Transsexual. That person was Dr. Stuart Lorimer (Gendercare & Charng Cross GIC) and the conversation was as recently as last Friday.
  
  For those that have completed SRS, have transitioned years ago or those that have been out to their friends and family for years the above is powderpuff news of insignificance. But, if your life's focus seems to be it protecting your family and loved ones from yourself, then this is a big event. Go on, bear with me for a while..
  
  So why now he asked, a reasonable and penetrating starter for one. Well, because I cannot continue like this and advice is required from knowledgable professionals. My ability to cope is exhausted and my capacity to compartmentalise myself has run its course. The knives are in the spoons drawer and the forks are all over the place - that mixed up.
  
  I was asked if I was concerned about erectile dysfunction if I were to commence Finistaride or low dosage Estrogen. No I replied, because when I make love, I imagine that I'm a woman and that I yearn for sensitive caressing and for my breasts to be fondled.
  
  I told him that I would prefer to dress full-time if the opportunity allowed but that I hadn't dressed for ages.
  
  I explained that apart from friends, yes Friends at Gender Society that I had not conversed with anyone about Rachel, and I mocked the non de plume but accepted that I had grown fond of it.
  
  He encouraged me to speak to my wife and I await his diagnosis.
  
  Speak to my wife.. All those knives in the cutlery draw now rise as one and the dagger is drawn. I am cut down and at a loss because this scares me so. I am weak, plaintive and lack substance and as I burn £200.00 on a private diagnosis I waste the opportunity to fund a worthy charity.
  
  But the talking helped. I am what I am.