Whistle-blower

• Posted by Rachel de Blanc April 28, 2009 Filed in Society Girl's Personal Blogs 1,121 views
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  There is something oddly reassuring about witnessing another person who is unusual in some respect. It reminds us that within this corporate, openly surveyed and statistically analysed world in which we live, there are still individuals who are unstructured, irrational, independent and singular. Their non-conformity should embolden the rest of us.
  
  During the weekend I witnessed an individual act of heroism or perhaps, sadly, a person who is suffering. (In truth I originally commenced that sentence intent upon using the word ‘mental’ in some capacity, but realised I no longer understand how to employ it).
  
  She, I’m unaware whether she was pre or post-op, was cycling along a sunny north London street, wearing a pink vest top and a safety helmet. The garb protected her from physical impact and invited intrusive stares simultaneously. This confident statement about herself was undone by a referee’s whistle, which she blew with frequency at any errant motorist, who dared to misinterpret the signals and intentions of other travellers.
  
  I struggled to interpret the journey that she was travelling on as a result of the signals she was giving out. I didn’t think (still don’t) that all was right in her world. I’m a reflective person, and it made me think further about her condition, the complexity and frailty of the human brain, and of the bravery I’d witnessed.
  
  Understandably, I’ve read little on this site about psychological illness (again, avoiding a word) but I suspect that a percentage of people who exhibit symptoms of gender dysphoria, do so because other pressures and instabilities take them to an unexpected place. This is my conjecture and too, too complicated for this un-trained mind to assess, but I suspect it’s possible.
  
  I think that my gender dysphoria was defined in the womb – I am what am, but I do know that specific circumstances and pressures have heightened the needs of this demanding woman within. Perhaps it’s my brain flexing her muscles in response to the failings of this male persona? Who knows? But it is primarily a mental stimulus until you decide to bring your physical appearance into some alignment. So I’m fearful that there is a link between a psychologically perturbed mind and gender dysphoria, and that the girl on the bicycle’s shrill alarm was absolutely appropriate.
  
  It’s reassuring therefore that specialists exist to help us understand who we are, and why we feel as we do. It’s important that we are given sufficient time interpret symptoms and to grow in confidence. Whilst sunshine might encourage you to get on your bike, perhaps you shouldn’t attempt to journey too far unless you know you are healthy enough.