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Rachel de Blanc 's Entries

105 blogs
  • 25 Mar 2008
    I recently decided to seek a form of evaluation, and have since been in correspondence with Dr Torres at Gendercare. It has been an interesting exercise to date, but it has perhaps has not yielded any real suprises. The scientific analysis is intriguing but I am by nature, a little sceptical. The translation of personal responses to personal questions into diagrams and graphs, is visually tantilizing. The categorization of an individual's level of Gender Dysphoria is less alluring but more penetrating. I am happy (?) for a third-party to confirm that I 'suffer' from Gender Dysphoria, but of course I'd spotted that much already. I am sorry that my own self-knowledge of my gender during the age of 0-7 is so vague, and that my memory of that period is also dim. However, as I often fail to remember what I ate for dinner the day before, I should not be surprised... I'm less delighted that the analysis confirms that my personal situation is unclear. Don't get me wrong, this is not a criticism of the analysis, this is a concern about my own, confused state. I would love a very clear definition. A definitive TS or a definitive CD label would encourage a clear course of action, that I could then opt to seize, gently take, or let slip through my fingers. A result that leaves the door open, only provokes more reflection, and reflection is sometimes painful and wasteful. There are occasions when I feel anything but a borderline case, and I wonder whether there will also be prolonged periods when the same applies? It suspect that it is true that if you put more in, you get more back. My circumstance does not allow me to do this at present - either that, or I'm not enabling it. In every other aspect of life I try and be clear and decisive. It's a bugger that I appear to be so incapable of rectifying this. So I congratulate all the girls who have achieved a clear understanding of their 'condition' and wish them well with the difficult questions that life now throws up. All I can offer are apologies for the mixed-up utterances that spout forth from someone who's less clear, and ask for patience, and thank TrannyWeb for the forum. Rome, or perhaps even Rachel, wasn't built in a day.
    601 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • I recently decided to seek a form of evaluation, and have since been in correspondence with Dr Torres at Gendercare. It has been an interesting exercise to date, but it has perhaps has not yielded any real suprises. The scientific analysis is intriguing but I am by nature, a little sceptical. The translation of personal responses to personal questions into diagrams and graphs, is visually tantilizing. The categorization of an individual's level of Gender Dysphoria is less alluring but more penetrating. I am happy (?) for a third-party to confirm that I 'suffer' from Gender Dysphoria, but of course I'd spotted that much already. I am sorry that my own self-knowledge of my gender during the age of 0-7 is so vague, and that my memory of that period is also dim. However, as I often fail to remember what I ate for dinner the day before, I should not be surprised... I'm less delighted that the analysis confirms that my personal situation is unclear. Don't get me wrong, this is not a criticism of the analysis, this is a concern about my own, confused state. I would love a very clear definition. A definitive TS or a definitive CD label would encourage a clear course of action, that I could then opt to seize, gently take, or let slip through my fingers. A result that leaves the door open, only provokes more reflection, and reflection is sometimes painful and wasteful. There are occasions when I feel anything but a borderline case, and I wonder whether there will also be prolonged periods when the same applies? It suspect that it is true that if you put more in, you get more back. My circumstance does not allow me to do this at present - either that, or I'm not enabling it. In every other aspect of life I try and be clear and decisive. It's a bugger that I appear to be so incapable of rectifying this. So I congratulate all the girls who have achieved a clear understanding of their 'condition' and wish them well with the difficult questions that life now throws up. All I can offer are apologies for the mixed-up utterances that spout forth from someone who's less clear, and ask for patience, and thank TrannyWeb for the forum. Rome, or perhaps even Rachel, wasn't built in a day.
    Mar 25, 2008 601
  • 20 Mar 2008
    Just a quick apology for yesterday's navel gazing. The Stuckists Manifesto commences with; 1. Stuckism is the quest for authenticity. By removing the mask of cleverness and admitting where we are, the Stuckist allows him/herself uncensored expression. So I'll continue my quest, try and admit where I am, and see whether uncensored expression is the result.
    550 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Just a quick apology for yesterday's navel gazing. The Stuckists Manifesto commences with; 1. Stuckism is the quest for authenticity. By removing the mask of cleverness and admitting where we are, the Stuckist allows him/herself uncensored expression. So I'll continue my quest, try and admit where I am, and see whether uncensored expression is the result.
    Mar 20, 2008 550
  • 19 Mar 2008
    I don't think I am able to explain to my wife that I'm a tranny. Not at the moment. I'm too uncertain about things to deliver a clear explanation. I'm not sure what would happen if I let the Genie out of the bottle, of where we would end up. But I'm here again, drawn to this site, the issues, the exchanges. I'm trying to learn more about me, and I've started a form of evaluation. I can't believe that I'm as interested in pursuing a 'change' as I am. So, I can't tell my wife, but I'd love to understand what feminine hormones would do to the way I work and the way I think. It's a bit tricky isn't it? I read about girls who have commenced transition or 'simply' come out to their partners, and I know that I'm not brave enough to do that. Not at present. But I'm going to hang around, and Im not going to let this get to me. In time I might me more resolute, or I might just get to the edge and blurt something out. Who knows? But for now, I'm simply just stuck.
    627 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • I don't think I am able to explain to my wife that I'm a tranny. Not at the moment. I'm too uncertain about things to deliver a clear explanation. I'm not sure what would happen if I let the Genie out of the bottle, of where we would end up. But I'm here again, drawn to this site, the issues, the exchanges. I'm trying to learn more about me, and I've started a form of evaluation. I can't believe that I'm as interested in pursuing a 'change' as I am. So, I can't tell my wife, but I'd love to understand what feminine hormones would do to the way I work and the way I think. It's a bit tricky isn't it? I read about girls who have commenced transition or 'simply' come out to their partners, and I know that I'm not brave enough to do that. Not at present. But I'm going to hang around, and Im not going to let this get to me. In time I might me more resolute, or I might just get to the edge and blurt something out. Who knows? But for now, I'm simply just stuck.
    Mar 19, 2008 627
  • 14 Mar 2008
    I have today sent an abbreviated life story to Dr Torres at Gendercare, because I'm keen to hear the opinions of a third-party specialist. So why have I done this and what do I want to learn? The truth is, I don't know. Writing and reflecting about my life and personal development provides some insight. Consciously placing times and dates against actions is interesting. I have dressed and been obsessed with femininity since an early age. I've also always been quiet, perhaps obsessive, a little shy, awkward in company. Writing here, contributing to this site, needing a reaction from Dr. Torres suggests that I might be an attention seeker, or perhaps that I need somebody to respond to this private person that I've never let out. Who knows? There's a risk that I might become pre-occupied with all this, that I might waste valuable time. But there's also a risk that if I don't pre-occupy myself with this, that I might regret it for the remainder of my life. How I wish that I could think about this with more clarity. That my gender issues were so pronounced that I had to act, was forced to be braver, or that they were so slight that they could be ignored. Problem is, they're neither, and I'm stuck. I'll let you know if a web-based analysis provides me with any comforts. But don't take my word for it, I'm no prototype, I'm just a tranny. Rachel
    534 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • I have today sent an abbreviated life story to Dr Torres at Gendercare, because I'm keen to hear the opinions of a third-party specialist. So why have I done this and what do I want to learn? The truth is, I don't know. Writing and reflecting about my life and personal development provides some insight. Consciously placing times and dates against actions is interesting. I have dressed and been obsessed with femininity since an early age. I've also always been quiet, perhaps obsessive, a little shy, awkward in company. Writing here, contributing to this site, needing a reaction from Dr. Torres suggests that I might be an attention seeker, or perhaps that I need somebody to respond to this private person that I've never let out. Who knows? There's a risk that I might become pre-occupied with all this, that I might waste valuable time. But there's also a risk that if I don't pre-occupy myself with this, that I might regret it for the remainder of my life. How I wish that I could think about this with more clarity. That my gender issues were so pronounced that I had to act, was forced to be braver, or that they were so slight that they could be ignored. Problem is, they're neither, and I'm stuck. I'll let you know if a web-based analysis provides me with any comforts. But don't take my word for it, I'm no prototype, I'm just a tranny. Rachel
    Mar 14, 2008 534
  • 24 Feb 2008
    Attended a Wedding yesterday. Bride and Groom sophisticated, chic and sexy. At the function afterwards I was talking to attractive, glamourous young women, whilst mentally undressing them so that I could slip into their party frocks. Many pairs of fabulous high heels passed me by..
    593 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Attended a Wedding yesterday. Bride and Groom sophisticated, chic and sexy. At the function afterwards I was talking to attractive, glamourous young women, whilst mentally undressing them so that I could slip into their party frocks. Many pairs of fabulous high heels passed me by..
    Feb 24, 2008 593
  • 22 Feb 2008
    Hurrah, Jury Service is over. Our mixed case of twelve acquitted the defendant, and was released. The jury - who are unlikely ever to meet one another again, were transfered to the care of Transport for London and ferried home. Freedom to express your opinion is so significant. But the Jury's still out as to whether I will ever have the courage to express myself truthfully.
    549 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Hurrah, Jury Service is over. Our mixed case of twelve acquitted the defendant, and was released. The jury - who are unlikely ever to meet one another again, were transfered to the care of Transport for London and ferried home. Freedom to express your opinion is so significant. But the Jury's still out as to whether I will ever have the courage to express myself truthfully.
    Feb 22, 2008 549
  • 20 Feb 2008
    Have today seen photo's of Prada's Autumn / Winter collection in the newspapers. Will side-step a discussion about models looking too thin / young / attractive / female and jump straight to being envious.. I'm not sure that your closet wardrobe should contain clothes that are significantly more valuable than those that you wear on a daily basis, so here's hoping that H&M or New Look start producing cheap copies, very quickly.
    569 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Have today seen photo's of Prada's Autumn / Winter collection in the newspapers. Will side-step a discussion about models looking too thin / young / attractive / female and jump straight to being envious.. I'm not sure that your closet wardrobe should contain clothes that are significantly more valuable than those that you wear on a daily basis, so here's hoping that H&M or New Look start producing cheap copies, very quickly.
    Feb 20, 2008 569
  • 15 Feb 2008
    I've been sitting in Court most of the day on the Jury. I return to the office, and end the week with a brief visit to TWeb. On reflection, I think that the court-room is actually slightly less demanding! Time for TWeb to lighten-up next week I think..
    516 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • I've been sitting in Court most of the day on the Jury. I return to the office, and end the week with a brief visit to TWeb. On reflection, I think that the court-room is actually slightly less demanding! Time for TWeb to lighten-up next week I think..
    Feb 15, 2008 516
  • 13 Feb 2008
    Anne Selene Fantasia appears to be our first prostitute. Should we applause?
    511 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Anne Selene Fantasia appears to be our first prostitute. Should we applause?
    Feb 13, 2008 511