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Rachel de Blanc 's Entries

105 blogs
  • 28 May 2011
    This a little test to see how the super-dooper up-dated blog pages works, and it works very well. So let's see whether my brain and typing are as reliable and simple to access..   Hi everyone, anyone or no-one, I hope you're all OK.    This isn't going to be a lengthy expose of my past or a revelatory re-definition of my present, it's just an opportunity to idle over a cup of tea and contribute a tiny amount to the comings and goings of GS.   I'm not progressing at the moment, of course I'm getting a little older and wiser, but I'm not out, relaxed and active as a trans-woman, and so self-critically I could suggest that I'm a non-contributor. No, I am a non-contributor, full stop. I hope someone can forgive me for that or at least appreciate the cir***stance. Perhaps someone will reassure me that change will ultimately take place and that it will be necessary, accepted and positive for all.    I read that one of the non-disclosed Super-Injunction persons is a 'member of the public who does not wish to reveal their sex-change'. That's a sad and simultaneously positive statement to read. I hope she secures the seclusion that she needs. But how can you ensure that your friends and family abide by the same restrictions, unless you've entirely separated yourself from them, have disappeared and started again? If she uses this site, hello and best wishes.   I might visit a psychiatrist and gauge an opinion. I've always wondered what the educated, gentle penetrating mind may unearth or confirm. Has anyone actually been knocked-back and told that they're not TS but CD and felt good about that interpretation I wonder? That fact that I've just typed that implies doubt in my own mind I guess, but I'm not doubtful, I'm just still. Still too conscious of others, still to scared of loss, still to bloody conservative and still too capable of living my li(f)e. I have an absolutely fantastic wife and a son I adore. How can I do anything to disrupt that?   Poor Cheryl Cole, 'sacked' from US X-Factor for an Geordie Accent and according to Heat Magazine's front cover she now has 'problem knees'. If I was Cheryl - pause for a dreamy moment, I'd hire an expert speech therapist and avoid kneeling for a bit. That would sort those two issue out. Cheryl, you've really not got anything to worry about 'Pet'. You're sorted.   Hi and bye to one and all.   Rachel ;)    
    1548 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • This a little test to see how the super-dooper up-dated blog pages works, and it works very well. So let's see whether my brain and typing are as reliable and simple to access..   Hi everyone, anyone or no-one, I hope you're all OK.    This isn't going to be a lengthy expose of my past or a revelatory re-definition of my present, it's just an opportunity to idle over a cup of tea and contribute a tiny amount to the comings and goings of GS.   I'm not progressing at the moment, of course I'm getting a little older and wiser, but I'm not out, relaxed and active as a trans-woman, and so self-critically I could suggest that I'm a non-contributor. No, I am a non-contributor, full stop. I hope someone can forgive me for that or at least appreciate the cir***stance. Perhaps someone will reassure me that change will ultimately take place and that it will be necessary, accepted and positive for all.    I read that one of the non-disclosed Super-Injunction persons is a 'member of the public who does not wish to reveal their sex-change'. That's a sad and simultaneously positive statement to read. I hope she secures the seclusion that she needs. But how can you ensure that your friends and family abide by the same restrictions, unless you've entirely separated yourself from them, have disappeared and started again? If she uses this site, hello and best wishes.   I might visit a psychiatrist and gauge an opinion. I've always wondered what the educated, gentle penetrating mind may unearth or confirm. Has anyone actually been knocked-back and told that they're not TS but CD and felt good about that interpretation I wonder? That fact that I've just typed that implies doubt in my own mind I guess, but I'm not doubtful, I'm just still. Still too conscious of others, still to scared of loss, still to bloody conservative and still too capable of living my li(f)e. I have an absolutely fantastic wife and a son I adore. How can I do anything to disrupt that?   Poor Cheryl Cole, 'sacked' from US X-Factor for an Geordie Accent and according to Heat Magazine's front cover she now has 'problem knees'. If I was Cheryl - pause for a dreamy moment, I'd hire an expert speech therapist and avoid kneeling for a bit. That would sort those two issue out. Cheryl, you've really not got anything to worry about 'Pet'. You're sorted.   Hi and bye to one and all.   Rachel ;)    
    May 28, 2011 1548
  • 19 Jan 2010
    I have recently attended a number of ante-natal classes with my wife and as a result I'm beginning to appreciate even more the physical differences between the sexes. When you begin to appreciate the mechanism and structure that is the uterus, the timing of hormonal releases that relax bone structure prior to birth, the fluctuation of breast tissue for lactation, etc, then the physical differences become more apparent. Sitting there, in a mixed class I wondered whether I was the only closet transsexual in attendance? I suspect that information would test the mid-wife's capacity to take the seminar.. As it's impossible for a post-op transsexual to achieve a full, physical embodiment of a woman, I guess we can only ever aspire to assimilate and integrate. But I place the emphasis here on the physical, as this site clearly illustrates that psychologically and spiritually you can become the woman you are. I'm certain that participating with the birth of a child can only assist you develop nascent feelings, and that maternal sensitivities will be nurtured simultaneously with the development of the baby. I have no specific desire for a boy or a girl – just a healthy, balanced and open-minded individual.
    886 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • I have recently attended a number of ante-natal classes with my wife and as a result I'm beginning to appreciate even more the physical differences between the sexes. When you begin to appreciate the mechanism and structure that is the uterus, the timing of hormonal releases that relax bone structure prior to birth, the fluctuation of breast tissue for lactation, etc, then the physical differences become more apparent. Sitting there, in a mixed class I wondered whether I was the only closet transsexual in attendance? I suspect that information would test the mid-wife's capacity to take the seminar.. As it's impossible for a post-op transsexual to achieve a full, physical embodiment of a woman, I guess we can only ever aspire to assimilate and integrate. But I place the emphasis here on the physical, as this site clearly illustrates that psychologically and spiritually you can become the woman you are. I'm certain that participating with the birth of a child can only assist you develop nascent feelings, and that maternal sensitivities will be nurtured simultaneously with the development of the baby. I have no specific desire for a boy or a girl – just a healthy, balanced and open-minded individual.
    Jan 19, 2010 886
  • 30 Dec 2009
    Just prior to Christmas my wife confirmed that she was pregnant. Our joy is uncontrollable and we now look forward with greater optimism and with a wider perspective. But Rachel remains in the closet and a big dilemma. I know that I cannot take a miraculous pill that will stop me being transsexual but I do know that the need to dress and seek comfort from femininity is directly related to my mood and my well-being. This new person – arriving remarkably soon, has already lifted my spirits and has given me focus. Support, protection, love and care are not gender specific but my wife and child will expect this from a husband and a father. The day after I received the news I chose to throw away recently purchased make-up, lingerie, my wig etc. I did this with courage and optimism, but I already miss the individual that camouflage enabled. Perhaps I must now take the next step and depart from here? I have never been so happy for him. I'm absolutely delighted. She's delighted for them both.
    842 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Just prior to Christmas my wife confirmed that she was pregnant. Our joy is uncontrollable and we now look forward with greater optimism and with a wider perspective. But Rachel remains in the closet and a big dilemma. I know that I cannot take a miraculous pill that will stop me being transsexual but I do know that the need to dress and seek comfort from femininity is directly related to my mood and my well-being. This new person – arriving remarkably soon, has already lifted my spirits and has given me focus. Support, protection, love and care are not gender specific but my wife and child will expect this from a husband and a father. The day after I received the news I chose to throw away recently purchased make-up, lingerie, my wig etc. I did this with courage and optimism, but I already miss the individual that camouflage enabled. Perhaps I must now take the next step and depart from here? I have never been so happy for him. I'm absolutely delighted. She's delighted for them both.
    Dec 30, 2009 842
  • 07 Dec 2009
    I’m reading through a contract for a new job. Neither it nor the Private Health Insurance document attached seeks confirmation of your Gender. Perhaps it should? I’m asked to confirm whether I have ever suffered from any ailments. Oh yes, I believe that I’m a woman trapped in a man’s body – is that OK with you? Where do I confirm that during my future employment I’d like to commence hormone treatment and ultimately be treated as a female member of staff? There doesn’t seem to be a box for that. Am I healthy? Well I’m physically fit. But my mind is completely off with the fairies. Another morning playing with my looks, more photographs, more hours dressed. The accumulator gathers up pretty moments and the testosterone level takes a gentle beating.
    1002 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • I’m reading through a contract for a new job. Neither it nor the Private Health Insurance document attached seeks confirmation of your Gender. Perhaps it should? I’m asked to confirm whether I have ever suffered from any ailments. Oh yes, I believe that I’m a woman trapped in a man’s body – is that OK with you? Where do I confirm that during my future employment I’d like to commence hormone treatment and ultimately be treated as a female member of staff? There doesn’t seem to be a box for that. Am I healthy? Well I’m physically fit. But my mind is completely off with the fairies. Another morning playing with my looks, more photographs, more hours dressed. The accumulator gathers up pretty moments and the testosterone level takes a gentle beating.
    Dec 07, 2009 1002
  • 05 Dec 2009
    I’ve been able to dress more recently. It’s been more than nice. En-femme I feel empowered, released, vibrant and relaxed. I’m not like this all of the time (same old same old..) I skulked out on Thursday wearing a bra (with padding), knickers, tights. It’s really tame I know, but for a cowering shrew like person it felt like a significant moment. Otherwise I was in drab. I felt different, I perhaps moved differently, it’s possible the coat and scarf failed to adequately disguise – who knows. I bought some Foundation. Why is it that when you’re quietly going about your day, that you get the loudest sales assistant booming across the shop “All make-up is three-for-the-price-of-two at the moment” I think only Blue Whales are able of communicating over longer distances. It’s not productive creating time to be me during the day. That’s a visible me of course. Sub-consciously of course, I’m here all the time. Hope you all get enough time to be yourself.
    861 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • I’ve been able to dress more recently. It’s been more than nice. En-femme I feel empowered, released, vibrant and relaxed. I’m not like this all of the time (same old same old..) I skulked out on Thursday wearing a bra (with padding), knickers, tights. It’s really tame I know, but for a cowering shrew like person it felt like a significant moment. Otherwise I was in drab. I felt different, I perhaps moved differently, it’s possible the coat and scarf failed to adequately disguise – who knows. I bought some Foundation. Why is it that when you’re quietly going about your day, that you get the loudest sales assistant booming across the shop “All make-up is three-for-the-price-of-two at the moment” I think only Blue Whales are able of communicating over longer distances. It’s not productive creating time to be me during the day. That’s a visible me of course. Sub-consciously of course, I’m here all the time. Hope you all get enough time to be yourself.
    Dec 05, 2009 861
  • 25 Nov 2009
    Recently, somebody used the word ‘wannabe’ within an ongoing thread. It was contained within a well-considered comment and used without malice, but for me it jumped out of the screen and struck me deftly on the jaw. That contribution – like the best on this site, was honest, without prejudice and frank. Things that make you think. I traced the thread backwards and found further clarity. Women were sharing, informing and learning from one-another. A link to a medical definition allowed me to read – once again, a clinical definition of what it means to be a Transsexual. Words come easily and terminology can be clearly stated, but living is trickier. This week, I’ve had the opportunity – resulting from privacy, to dress, to play with cosmetics and to interrogate my make-up. Posted here, the photographs may well appear to be a vainglorious attempt to grab attention, and I admit that I hope a few people will look at them. But for me, and most importantly they survive as something for me to consider. I look at the photos and wish that the wig was actually real hair, I wish that the shapes were softer, and I wish that such femininity could surface without the delicate application of make-up. But I cannot ignore that I look happy, expressive, relaxed. So I wonder is this a wannabe in denial, a snap happy opportunist a fraudster? Optimistically I wonder is it a well-balanced person who through misfortune is a transsexual? Months ago I researched Gender Specialists local to where I live, enquired then opted to not attend. I should have, because not doing is no longer good enough.
    863 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Recently, somebody used the word ‘wannabe’ within an ongoing thread. It was contained within a well-considered comment and used without malice, but for me it jumped out of the screen and struck me deftly on the jaw. That contribution – like the best on this site, was honest, without prejudice and frank. Things that make you think. I traced the thread backwards and found further clarity. Women were sharing, informing and learning from one-another. A link to a medical definition allowed me to read – once again, a clinical definition of what it means to be a Transsexual. Words come easily and terminology can be clearly stated, but living is trickier. This week, I’ve had the opportunity – resulting from privacy, to dress, to play with cosmetics and to interrogate my make-up. Posted here, the photographs may well appear to be a vainglorious attempt to grab attention, and I admit that I hope a few people will look at them. But for me, and most importantly they survive as something for me to consider. I look at the photos and wish that the wig was actually real hair, I wish that the shapes were softer, and I wish that such femininity could surface without the delicate application of make-up. But I cannot ignore that I look happy, expressive, relaxed. So I wonder is this a wannabe in denial, a snap happy opportunist a fraudster? Optimistically I wonder is it a well-balanced person who through misfortune is a transsexual? Months ago I researched Gender Specialists local to where I live, enquired then opted to not attend. I should have, because not doing is no longer good enough.
    Nov 25, 2009 863
  • 13 Nov 2009
    I've recently vacated an office space and have temporarily returned to working from home. This gives me a certain every-day freedom, and I suspect that i will take all of the opportunities that it offers. But beyond this liberty is a return to employment, in a testosterone-fuelled (gender equal) professional office. There I will need to be clear headed and focused, as I have a reputation to fulfill, not one to create.. I know that I am going to find it to so hard not to dress and be me whilst working from home, but I really don't know what the change of circumstance later in the year will do for my self expression. Genie out of the bottle - then get back in Genie... Tripping the light fantastic between two persons isn't normal, isn't to be encouraged. Lets hope that one environment quashes the other eh, for all our sakes?
    753 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • I've recently vacated an office space and have temporarily returned to working from home. This gives me a certain every-day freedom, and I suspect that i will take all of the opportunities that it offers. But beyond this liberty is a return to employment, in a testosterone-fuelled (gender equal) professional office. There I will need to be clear headed and focused, as I have a reputation to fulfill, not one to create.. I know that I am going to find it to so hard not to dress and be me whilst working from home, but I really don't know what the change of circumstance later in the year will do for my self expression. Genie out of the bottle - then get back in Genie... Tripping the light fantastic between two persons isn't normal, isn't to be encouraged. Lets hope that one environment quashes the other eh, for all our sakes?
    Nov 13, 2009 753
  • 08 Oct 2009
    A friend has departed this shores and now continues her voyage with the anchor pulled on board. Semaphore messages are received but she’s moving away towards the horizon and soon I’ll lose contact. She’d like me to reach out and communicate directly with her, but I’d have to stand on deck to do so, exposed to the elements. She’s a courageous Owl I guess, I’m a cowardly pussy-cat.
    771 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • A friend has departed this shores and now continues her voyage with the anchor pulled on board. Semaphore messages are received but she’s moving away towards the horizon and soon I’ll lose contact. She’d like me to reach out and communicate directly with her, but I’d have to stand on deck to do so, exposed to the elements. She’s a courageous Owl I guess, I’m a cowardly pussy-cat.
    Oct 08, 2009 771
  • 25 Sep 2009
    An early Autumn day of glorious sunshine washes over London like a Turner landscape. Raybans are deployed with intent to shield and arms are exposed with the intent to taunt. Male garments weigh a little heavy and masculinity feels dreary today. This is a moment to not to skimp, to slip on something flimsy, to embrace colour and celebrate lightness. This can all happen in your head of course, swirling around pushing you out into oncoming traffic with a gentle, wayward smile and an self-conscious apology. ‘Sorry, I wasn’t looking I was thinking, just thinking..’
    924 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • An early Autumn day of glorious sunshine washes over London like a Turner landscape. Raybans are deployed with intent to shield and arms are exposed with the intent to taunt. Male garments weigh a little heavy and masculinity feels dreary today. This is a moment to not to skimp, to slip on something flimsy, to embrace colour and celebrate lightness. This can all happen in your head of course, swirling around pushing you out into oncoming traffic with a gentle, wayward smile and an self-conscious apology. ‘Sorry, I wasn’t looking I was thinking, just thinking..’
    Sep 25, 2009 924
  • 17 Sep 2009
    The great diarists wrote daily - or suggested so. I suspect Pepys had the odd day off, the occasional morning when he thought ‘Oh sod it, I ain’t done nuthin’ in t’last 24 hours so I’ain’t gonna tell owt’, which gave his editor a holiday at least. I’m here again, for the third day running. My fingers are moving faster than my brain, and neither are moving that quickly. It doesn’t feel entirely appropriate to reflect upon column inches here, but the cheap joke makes it worthwhile so I’ll continue. I wonder, is journalism a vocation fuelled by a salary and an inquisitive mind, or do hacks have a real need to tell and a yearning to be read? Bloggers, and this one admits it, want to be read and pored over, they desire a little attention. A cry for help, a silent sob, a release valve from a stress-filled life, and the squeal of the spoilt brat. Is that what this is? I don’t think so, but make up your own mind… Could I be a sub-Stephen Fry, an alias Alistair Cook? Could I write something (of interest) that is worthwhile and pertinent? A stolen ten minutes from a morning when I should be too busy, not a blog, a blag. Have a busy and productive day and wash with like colours.
    837 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • The great diarists wrote daily - or suggested so. I suspect Pepys had the odd day off, the occasional morning when he thought ‘Oh sod it, I ain’t done nuthin’ in t’last 24 hours so I’ain’t gonna tell owt’, which gave his editor a holiday at least. I’m here again, for the third day running. My fingers are moving faster than my brain, and neither are moving that quickly. It doesn’t feel entirely appropriate to reflect upon column inches here, but the cheap joke makes it worthwhile so I’ll continue. I wonder, is journalism a vocation fuelled by a salary and an inquisitive mind, or do hacks have a real need to tell and a yearning to be read? Bloggers, and this one admits it, want to be read and pored over, they desire a little attention. A cry for help, a silent sob, a release valve from a stress-filled life, and the squeal of the spoilt brat. Is that what this is? I don’t think so, but make up your own mind… Could I be a sub-Stephen Fry, an alias Alistair Cook? Could I write something (of interest) that is worthwhile and pertinent? A stolen ten minutes from a morning when I should be too busy, not a blog, a blag. Have a busy and productive day and wash with like colours.
    Sep 17, 2009 837