Christmas a time of happiness or Sadness ?

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    Well Its December and  another Winter in  Northern Ontario  ,Canada. December has  come once again and  it  seams like every years at this  time  of  year I  hear of a "Death" or  passing  of  someone . I  ve  lost many in this  month since 2012  .  First it  was  my  Father then last  year my  Mother and a  family friend who  was  like an uncle to  me since  childhood  and  Now  another . I  loved Christmas growing up because  I  loved having  family  and  friends around but now all that is  gone . it  has  become very  difficult as  of  late hearing Christmas  music on the  radio  or in a  Mall  or  store . It  has  been hard at  times  for me to stomach all this because of  all this  sadness .  Its  almost a  year since  my  Mother 's passing and  almost everyday has  been a struggle . My  life has  been upside down since  that  night and  has  forever changed .  I  know  live alone but it  has  not stopped  me from  dressing in  fact I  spend more  time as  "Karen" at  home then I used  too. I  have been pushing  myself to  be  "out" more but still not  yet  in  full public . I  have  many times  worn a  "bra" under  my  T  shirts but without  forms . I  have on a  few occasions gone  on a  "  day  trip" Fully  dressed  and it  felt  "Great " . I  've  even met this "Online Friend " in  person  Fully  dressed and  make up  at  her  place and with  other  strangers around . It  was  abit  nerve racking at  first but  I  later  found  out that  I  looked "Passable " and  they  thought I  was  "Real " . So  For  now I  'm  just  hoping to  get  thru another month and perhaps without anymore problems  or  "Death  " . There is a  brighter side to  my  story and  that  is I  have a  "GG"  Girl friend  who  soon  will be  my  Wife " .  We  are  planning to "Marry" sometime in the  New  Year and  I 'am looking forwards to it .  So  I  hope that  All  my  friends and  Sisters here have a  Great  "Christmas and  Happy New Year "  Wow !   2020  Here  I  come  !!