View By Date

Please Visit Our Sponsor



Tags

Statistics

  • 5421
    Blogs
  • 361
    Active Bloggers
5360 blogs
  • 30 Dec 2013
    im really not sure what im going to write here. ive just had the best christmas ive ever had. was so amazing. went to stay with my parents for 5 days. got there at 9pm christmas eve, and  was a bit nervous because its the first time ive seen them since i spoke to them, so wasnt really sure what to expect. i needn't have worried. everthing was normal. my mum gave me a big hug as i walked in the door, and wispered dont worry, everything is going to be ok. you have no idea how this felt. its what ive needed to hear for such a long time, and from that moment i knew it will be.   my dad then came in and in his own way said hi, so i gave him a hug as well, after than, every one went about doing what they what they were doing.   christmas morning came, up at 5.30am as normal, and we all gathered down to the sitting room, to open pressies. this was the bit i was nervous of. how was any one to know what to get me? lol. well, my sister, (who is in egypt!) got my some estee lauder, pleasures perfume which she must have had a nose through my make up and perfume drawer when she visited. its my fave and i was on a total high. my parents got me the usual, but female, socks, jumper, body spray and lotions and stuff like that. i was over joyed.   i wore my new top that day, and felt amazing because of where it had come from. my mum told me to relax, it was fine and to just be me. they had come to terms with every thing, and love me so much. boxing day we got up early because mum wanted to go to the next sale. it was the best experience ie ever had, and have always dreamed of shopping with my mum. she was surprised by my taste in clothes, and i ended up getting a few bits with my mums encouragement.   next day we went into town, for a walk round the shops again. when she pulled out a dress and told me she thought it was gorgeous and that she thought it would suit me, i was blown over. i actually loved it as as well, so found a top to go with it, and bought it. we got home and my mum asked me to try it on. it was the first time ive worn a dress in front of a female, in front of any one except toby in fact, but i did. amd called her in to see. the look on her face was one of pride. it fitted beautifully, and looks amazing, and gave me a big hug and told me how pretty i looked.   the day i was due to drive home, my dad asked if i wanted to go into the local town and have a quick wander and go for a coffee. this i knew was his way of saying every thing is ok, and that i dont need to worry about him. he told me to wear my new top, boots and coat, which are very feminine, so i did. i wasnt nervous about being out in public, tho i didnt try to look like a female, i did look pretty good. just very efeminate and gentle.   any way, i know i have rabbled on a bit too much, so sorry about that lol. hope every one else had a good christmas,   love to all,   Steph xx
    1384 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • im really not sure what im going to write here. ive just had the best christmas ive ever had. was so amazing. went to stay with my parents for 5 days. got there at 9pm christmas eve, and  was a bit nervous because its the first time ive seen them since i spoke to them, so wasnt really sure what to expect. i needn't have worried. everthing was normal. my mum gave me a big hug as i walked in the door, and wispered dont worry, everything is going to be ok. you have no idea how this felt. its what ive needed to hear for such a long time, and from that moment i knew it will be.   my dad then came in and in his own way said hi, so i gave him a hug as well, after than, every one went about doing what they what they were doing.   christmas morning came, up at 5.30am as normal, and we all gathered down to the sitting room, to open pressies. this was the bit i was nervous of. how was any one to know what to get me? lol. well, my sister, (who is in egypt!) got my some estee lauder, pleasures perfume which she must have had a nose through my make up and perfume drawer when she visited. its my fave and i was on a total high. my parents got me the usual, but female, socks, jumper, body spray and lotions and stuff like that. i was over joyed.   i wore my new top that day, and felt amazing because of where it had come from. my mum told me to relax, it was fine and to just be me. they had come to terms with every thing, and love me so much. boxing day we got up early because mum wanted to go to the next sale. it was the best experience ie ever had, and have always dreamed of shopping with my mum. she was surprised by my taste in clothes, and i ended up getting a few bits with my mums encouragement.   next day we went into town, for a walk round the shops again. when she pulled out a dress and told me she thought it was gorgeous and that she thought it would suit me, i was blown over. i actually loved it as as well, so found a top to go with it, and bought it. we got home and my mum asked me to try it on. it was the first time ive worn a dress in front of a female, in front of any one except toby in fact, but i did. amd called her in to see. the look on her face was one of pride. it fitted beautifully, and looks amazing, and gave me a big hug and told me how pretty i looked.   the day i was due to drive home, my dad asked if i wanted to go into the local town and have a quick wander and go for a coffee. this i knew was his way of saying every thing is ok, and that i dont need to worry about him. he told me to wear my new top, boots and coat, which are very feminine, so i did. i wasnt nervous about being out in public, tho i didnt try to look like a female, i did look pretty good. just very efeminate and gentle.   any way, i know i have rabbled on a bit too much, so sorry about that lol. hope every one else had a good christmas,   love to all,   Steph xx
    Dec 30, 2013 1384
  • 07 Dec 2013
    heya all, well, what a week! my sister came to stay for a few days. we havent really talked too much for many years, but shes my big sis, so i told her everything a little while ago.when she got here, everything was normal, not sure what i expected, but there was no mention for quite some time. finally, the subject was brought up. she asked all the expected things, like how, why, when, are you sure? so i answered them all as best as i can. she was really understanding. she had done some research before coming, so had a good idea what it was all about anyway. she also has some experience with TG, as was a social worker, and a couple of the chaps were TG. one had been "on the road" for quite some time, and seams to be getting fobbed off by the authorities. this was 15 years ago, but she told me she was worried the same thing was going to happen to be, left in limbo land. i guess a lot has happened and change since those days, but was really comforting that she cared. something she did ask me, was about my sexuallity. im not sure if any of you are the same, but i think of myself as straight. because my body is male, and responds and enjoys contact. but my heart has never been in it. my heart longs for something else. my heart is a straigh woman, who longs for the kind of contact, both emotionally and physically , of a man. to my surprise, she did actually understand. even re-explaining it to me! i showed her my wardrobe (ive never shown another femail any of my clothes). she looked really shocked. worried, i asked her what was up. her reply re-assured me more than she'll ever know. she said, she loved it. my taste was "normal", she had been expecting some horrendous stuff, but that it was like any of her friends wardrode, and that my taste was really good. i loved that. made me smile sooo much.   i know, that no matter what or where, or how this road takes me, her love and her support will always be with me. it is a totally great feeling to have your sis by your side.
    1428 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • heya all, well, what a week! my sister came to stay for a few days. we havent really talked too much for many years, but shes my big sis, so i told her everything a little while ago.when she got here, everything was normal, not sure what i expected, but there was no mention for quite some time. finally, the subject was brought up. she asked all the expected things, like how, why, when, are you sure? so i answered them all as best as i can. she was really understanding. she had done some research before coming, so had a good idea what it was all about anyway. she also has some experience with TG, as was a social worker, and a couple of the chaps were TG. one had been "on the road" for quite some time, and seams to be getting fobbed off by the authorities. this was 15 years ago, but she told me she was worried the same thing was going to happen to be, left in limbo land. i guess a lot has happened and change since those days, but was really comforting that she cared. something she did ask me, was about my sexuallity. im not sure if any of you are the same, but i think of myself as straight. because my body is male, and responds and enjoys contact. but my heart has never been in it. my heart longs for something else. my heart is a straigh woman, who longs for the kind of contact, both emotionally and physically , of a man. to my surprise, she did actually understand. even re-explaining it to me! i showed her my wardrobe (ive never shown another femail any of my clothes). she looked really shocked. worried, i asked her what was up. her reply re-assured me more than she'll ever know. she said, she loved it. my taste was "normal", she had been expecting some horrendous stuff, but that it was like any of her friends wardrode, and that my taste was really good. i loved that. made me smile sooo much.   i know, that no matter what or where, or how this road takes me, her love and her support will always be with me. it is a totally great feeling to have your sis by your side.
    Dec 07, 2013 1428
  • 02 Dec 2013
    Interesting experience at the weekend, my first example of being "invisible". I will never know whether this was because I am trans, a woman, or whether the girl on the till in the Co-op was just ignorant and stupid! I go in every weekend with my voucher for The Independent. I also go in most days for other bits and pieces too, so they know me there- but I had not seen this girl before. I presented it as normal, but she looked quizzically at it. I told her to scan it as I had seen others do every week, but she looked straight at me, through me really, not saying a word, then called over her supervisor. He started to read the voucher. I repeated that it works every week. He too completely ignored me but eventually told the girl that the voucher was fine. I took my paper, smiled at the girl and said "bye" cheerily. In truth I was angry and a little bit humiliated. Had I been in bloke mode- and maybe in a few more months, I would have demanded a bit more respect- or at least a bit of interaction! Instead, I slinked away meekly. Not my style normally! As I said, I have no idea why this happened. Of course, being relatively new to RLE. I assume that it was because I was trans. Whatever the reason, it was terrible customer service to say the least. I have taken the view that I will always be me, not be shy, and be, as Elle memorably says "face-achingly polite"! So far, this has stood me in good stead, and most people have been absolutely fine. In truth, I am loving being me!
    1500 Posted by Emma Gee
  • Interesting experience at the weekend, my first example of being "invisible". I will never know whether this was because I am trans, a woman, or whether the girl on the till in the Co-op was just ignorant and stupid! I go in every weekend with my voucher for The Independent. I also go in most days for other bits and pieces too, so they know me there- but I had not seen this girl before. I presented it as normal, but she looked quizzically at it. I told her to scan it as I had seen others do every week, but she looked straight at me, through me really, not saying a word, then called over her supervisor. He started to read the voucher. I repeated that it works every week. He too completely ignored me but eventually told the girl that the voucher was fine. I took my paper, smiled at the girl and said "bye" cheerily. In truth I was angry and a little bit humiliated. Had I been in bloke mode- and maybe in a few more months, I would have demanded a bit more respect- or at least a bit of interaction! Instead, I slinked away meekly. Not my style normally! As I said, I have no idea why this happened. Of course, being relatively new to RLE. I assume that it was because I was trans. Whatever the reason, it was terrible customer service to say the least. I have taken the view that I will always be me, not be shy, and be, as Elle memorably says "face-achingly polite"! So far, this has stood me in good stead, and most people have been absolutely fine. In truth, I am loving being me!
    Dec 02, 2013 1500
  • 06 Apr 2013
    Male Privilege" has long been one of the hot topics directed at the transgender woman. The most common lost privilege is perceived gender intelligence of course. The most dangerous loss of so called male status has to be personal security. Recently I went to a fairly good sized club in an area of town where most of the gay venues are clustered together. A trans girl friend and I decided to go "gay" for the evening since we simply haven't been there for a while. Of course once we got in there, I discovered I had left my phone in the car and god forbid I just had to have it.    It was dark and I had to walk across two dark parking lots to my car. I thought nothing of it until I was about halfway to the car and did start to look over my shoulder a bit. I did know the area well and know it to be well populated and safe so I wasn't being a total paranoiac mess but the thought was there.    The safety concern should have been there for me and all of us of course! As with any genetic woman who grew up knowing the gender parameters of safety, we need to know it too.   My first lesson came years ago.  You may remember me mentioning knowing a very diverse small group in nearby Columbus. By diverse I mean there were a couple of transsexual women who were gearing up for SRS, cross dressers, a few spouses and one admirer. Of course at that time I didn't identify with any of those groups and had no idea what transgender even was (this was the early to mid 80's).   Approximately most of us would get together at one the homes. On occasion my wife would go with me to these get together's and sometimes not.  One of the evenings she did go with me I learned one of the first rules of feminine safety...don't get cornered!   As I got dolled up for the evening, we were having the usual battle about how I was dressed.  To put it mildly, provocative was the word she used. Too much make up, too much hair and too much leg just about covers her criticism. She was right and proved it that night.   The "admirer" was a big man. I'm guessing he outweighed me by at least 50 pounds and was 4 or 5 inches taller. I had met him before and didn't think much of it when he started to chat me up in a narrow hallway around the corner from where the others were. Slowly and then quickly he had me pinned close to the wall. For the first time in my life I felt I could be overwhelmed physically by another human.  My mind was racing on how a woman would or could get out of this if a man like him tried to really push it.   About that time my wife came around the corner.  As she was so adept at doing, she let me learn my lesson and let the admirer push a little farther before she stepped in and rescued me. Lesson learned. Of course I had to hear the infamous "well you dressed like a tramp, what did you expect". In reality, I was trying the "tramp" method to be validated as a woman. The worst path I could take.   So many years later, I realized the lesson so long ago set me on a positive path. The world today is a meaner more violent place and we all need to be careful.  I'm a total believer the female privileges we gain outnumber the male ones we lose. But losing the security card is certainly one to be aware of and be careful with.   Don't think pepper spray in your purse is a frivolous addition to your purse! 
    1902 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • Male Privilege" has long been one of the hot topics directed at the transgender woman. The most common lost privilege is perceived gender intelligence of course. The most dangerous loss of so called male status has to be personal security. Recently I went to a fairly good sized club in an area of town where most of the gay venues are clustered together. A trans girl friend and I decided to go "gay" for the evening since we simply haven't been there for a while. Of course once we got in there, I discovered I had left my phone in the car and god forbid I just had to have it.    It was dark and I had to walk across two dark parking lots to my car. I thought nothing of it until I was about halfway to the car and did start to look over my shoulder a bit. I did know the area well and know it to be well populated and safe so I wasn't being a total paranoiac mess but the thought was there.    The safety concern should have been there for me and all of us of course! As with any genetic woman who grew up knowing the gender parameters of safety, we need to know it too.   My first lesson came years ago.  You may remember me mentioning knowing a very diverse small group in nearby Columbus. By diverse I mean there were a couple of transsexual women who were gearing up for SRS, cross dressers, a few spouses and one admirer. Of course at that time I didn't identify with any of those groups and had no idea what transgender even was (this was the early to mid 80's).   Approximately most of us would get together at one the homes. On occasion my wife would go with me to these get together's and sometimes not.  One of the evenings she did go with me I learned one of the first rules of feminine safety...don't get cornered!   As I got dolled up for the evening, we were having the usual battle about how I was dressed.  To put it mildly, provocative was the word she used. Too much make up, too much hair and too much leg just about covers her criticism. She was right and proved it that night.   The "admirer" was a big man. I'm guessing he outweighed me by at least 50 pounds and was 4 or 5 inches taller. I had met him before and didn't think much of it when he started to chat me up in a narrow hallway around the corner from where the others were. Slowly and then quickly he had me pinned close to the wall. For the first time in my life I felt I could be overwhelmed physically by another human.  My mind was racing on how a woman would or could get out of this if a man like him tried to really push it.   About that time my wife came around the corner.  As she was so adept at doing, she let me learn my lesson and let the admirer push a little farther before she stepped in and rescued me. Lesson learned. Of course I had to hear the infamous "well you dressed like a tramp, what did you expect". In reality, I was trying the "tramp" method to be validated as a woman. The worst path I could take.   So many years later, I realized the lesson so long ago set me on a positive path. The world today is a meaner more violent place and we all need to be careful.  I'm a total believer the female privileges we gain outnumber the male ones we lose. But losing the security card is certainly one to be aware of and be careful with.   Don't think pepper spray in your purse is a frivolous addition to your purse! 
    Apr 06, 2013 1902
  • 05 Feb 2013
    A very common opinion among dog people is mutts are the best dogs.Could it be a human "gender mutt" could fall into the same category? I suppose in a perfect world that would be great but by now you are thinking "just what the hell is Cyrsti smoking".A transgender or gender fluid person ideally should understand the realities of both genders. Right?Problems with this utopian idea are wide and varied.Just a couple examples are one of the many replies I received to the "Dating your Male Self" post to the less than warm reception the average transgender or transsexual person encounters in the public eye. One reply said I couldn't date my male self because I never was one.  Great! I understand that but I believe if you have lived any life presenting as a male some of the world would rub off on you! Wouldn't you have some sort of an idea of how to react to a guy as a woman and understand the process? Doesn't that alone potentially make you a better person?The world's reaction to us is just plain ignorance and fear at work. We can bring so much to the table if we are allowed. I have said many times here that women potentially cause me the biggest public problems. Some though do ask me why guys they love or interested in act the way they do. For the most part of course, men are too insecure to ask.So I guess not only am I a genetic mutt (German/British), I'm a gender mutt too.  I may not be the most aristocratic or beautiful mutt in the room but I'm trying to achieve the other great qualities of our breed! I just wish more in our own community would get along better for the good of the whole. The world needs it.  If it realizes it or not.
    1669 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • A very common opinion among dog people is mutts are the best dogs.Could it be a human "gender mutt" could fall into the same category? I suppose in a perfect world that would be great but by now you are thinking "just what the hell is Cyrsti smoking".A transgender or gender fluid person ideally should understand the realities of both genders. Right?Problems with this utopian idea are wide and varied.Just a couple examples are one of the many replies I received to the "Dating your Male Self" post to the less than warm reception the average transgender or transsexual person encounters in the public eye. One reply said I couldn't date my male self because I never was one.  Great! I understand that but I believe if you have lived any life presenting as a male some of the world would rub off on you! Wouldn't you have some sort of an idea of how to react to a guy as a woman and understand the process? Doesn't that alone potentially make you a better person?The world's reaction to us is just plain ignorance and fear at work. We can bring so much to the table if we are allowed. I have said many times here that women potentially cause me the biggest public problems. Some though do ask me why guys they love or interested in act the way they do. For the most part of course, men are too insecure to ask.So I guess not only am I a genetic mutt (German/British), I'm a gender mutt too.  I may not be the most aristocratic or beautiful mutt in the room but I'm trying to achieve the other great qualities of our breed! I just wish more in our own community would get along better for the good of the whole. The world needs it.  If it realizes it or not.
    Feb 05, 2013 1669
  • 15 Sep 2012
    A few  weeks ago  i was  told  about  something  that was  said  as  a  joke .  At the  time  I  took  what  I was  told   as  an insult and  I really  wanted  to  chew this  person  out  for  there  coments   about  my  country  "Canada "   and  the U.S.A  .   I want  to  make  it  known  here  that  I am  a  very   patriotic  "Canuck "   and  i take  any  coments  about  this  counrty  very  seriously .  I  am  proud  of the  amplishiments  we  canucks  have  made  and  the  sacrifices  this  counrty  has  made  in the  past  and  present .  i am  a  person that  dont  hold  a  grudge with  anyone  there  are  some  here  from other  countries that  I  am  NOT   fond  of .   I  have  respect   for thoes  even If  I  do  not  like you ,  I will  not  degrade  myself  here  on this site  by  talking  trash  about  someones  country  or way  of  living . I  am  upset  still  by  someone s  coments  about  my  counrty  and  I wish  that who  ever  said  these  coments  say  "Sorry  "  out  of respect  of  others  here  !  
    949 Posted by Karen Elena Tea
  • A few  weeks ago  i was  told  about  something  that was  said  as  a  joke .  At the  time  I  took  what  I was  told   as  an insult and  I really  wanted  to  chew this  person  out  for  there  coments   about  my  country  "Canada "   and  the U.S.A  .   I want  to  make  it  known  here  that  I am  a  very   patriotic  "Canuck "   and  i take  any  coments  about  this  counrty  very  seriously .  I  am  proud  of the  amplishiments  we  canucks  have  made  and  the  sacrifices  this  counrty  has  made  in the  past  and  present .  i am  a  person that  dont  hold  a  grudge with  anyone  there  are  some  here  from other  countries that  I  am  NOT   fond  of .   I  have  respect   for thoes  even If  I  do  not  like you ,  I will  not  degrade  myself  here  on this site  by  talking  trash  about  someones  country  or way  of  living . I  am  upset  still  by  someone s  coments  about  my  counrty  and  I wish  that who  ever  said  these  coments  say  "Sorry  "  out  of respect  of  others  here  !  
    Sep 15, 2012 949
  • 10 Aug 2012
    Good evening ,everyone. Local group made all 4 local channels and local radio with BOLI suit. I'll post links to news reports when I find out it's ok. Don't want to mess up anything.Bar owner messed up when wording eviction. Have had several offers from other establishments to come and spend money. Word got out we tip good!LOL.
    1200 Posted by jan jefferies
  • Good evening ,everyone. Local group made all 4 local channels and local radio with BOLI suit. I'll post links to news reports when I find out it's ok. Don't want to mess up anything.Bar owner messed up when wording eviction. Have had several offers from other establishments to come and spend money. Word got out we tip good!LOL.
    Aug 10, 2012 1200
  • 07 Jul 2012
    Juat thought I might take the time to make another post here and get some thoughts out of my own head.  I had a great talk with my wife the other night about my gender issues and we love each other deeply and don't want my problems to separate us.  We have been married for fifteen years and have two kids.  There are others of you here who have similar situations.  Gosh I wish I could have sorted myself out earlier in life which many are now doing and I think it is great that kids can say to their parents mom I 'm different, dad I may be transgendered.  I think that exposure to these issues from the internet has led many to realize that they are not alone and subsequently gives them the courage to open up about their problems if only to online freinds.  Hopefully the freinds are not predators and that is an entirely different issue.   Wher do I go from here now?  My wife is giving me time alone to be who I want and that is where I am now.  My thoughts for now are is this what I want?  Do I really want to be female day in and day out?  I have stated that in the past and still want a female body but I am not a small guy and by no means pretty or feminine.  I am not going to lie to myself about how I look right now but it is nice to be in the right clothes and all.  I am changing.  I have started losing weight (11 pounds on my first week) and my main reason is to feel better about me my secondary reason is to make my physical size smaller so that I look better as a woman.  Why do I even want to be a woman what is wrong with being a guy?  Well I have always felt that I would be more comfortable in my own skin as a female.  I have large hands and feet but I can deal with that.  I have got to know that this is what I want beyond any doubt that it isn't some sexual fetish or fantasy.  Day in day out every day you will just be another girl and have all the disadvantages of not growing up as one.  I am on a voyage of self discovery and facing the fact that at the very least I am just a transgendered male crossdresser has been really hard for me to accept as part of me.  At the other end which I guess is where all of the fear comes in I am a transsexual who really needs to live and be fully female and that scares the T-total **** out of me if I am honest.  But I am the one who ultimately makes that decision to transition and it can go only as far as I allow.  I am unfortunately not the only one who pays the price for my decisions.  I question everything and having gender issues isn't fun I deal with lots of depression.  At work this past week we were getting a new roof put on one of the buildings ond one of the workers is very obviously a transgender male.  She has nice long hair in a ponytail and small developed natural breasts female mannerisms and a male voice.  She wears a bra which the lines showed through on her t-shirt.   Some of my co-workers were making jokes about whether it was a man or a woman referring to her as a woman-man or man-woman.  She has very feminine movements ond presents as female but the voice gives her away.  I was asked if she was a man or woman by these people and I didn't make an issue of their ignorance or blast them for making fun of her I simply stated that I believed her to be transgendered and left it at that.  My whole point is that can I stand up to such ignorance myself if I transitioned because I will not pass and can I live a life that others think is a joke?  It isn't funny to me it is very serious and I don't know how well I can take being ridiculed by the public.  Having depression and suicidal tendencies already, I just don't know how I could manage were it me.  It would be a shame to finally get to be who I wanted to be only to kill myself for not being strong enough to deal with the public humiliation and behind the hands talk and stares from others.  I really wanted to talk to this person to see how they dealt with such adversity but an opportunity for that didn't happen.  Also since I am not out how do you start such a conversation in the first place?  So I hope this isn't too deep or serious for you all but these are my thoughts today.  I wish you all well .  Karen
    1359 Posted by Kari Johnson
  • Juat thought I might take the time to make another post here and get some thoughts out of my own head.  I had a great talk with my wife the other night about my gender issues and we love each other deeply and don't want my problems to separate us.  We have been married for fifteen years and have two kids.  There are others of you here who have similar situations.  Gosh I wish I could have sorted myself out earlier in life which many are now doing and I think it is great that kids can say to their parents mom I 'm different, dad I may be transgendered.  I think that exposure to these issues from the internet has led many to realize that they are not alone and subsequently gives them the courage to open up about their problems if only to online freinds.  Hopefully the freinds are not predators and that is an entirely different issue.   Wher do I go from here now?  My wife is giving me time alone to be who I want and that is where I am now.  My thoughts for now are is this what I want?  Do I really want to be female day in and day out?  I have stated that in the past and still want a female body but I am not a small guy and by no means pretty or feminine.  I am not going to lie to myself about how I look right now but it is nice to be in the right clothes and all.  I am changing.  I have started losing weight (11 pounds on my first week) and my main reason is to feel better about me my secondary reason is to make my physical size smaller so that I look better as a woman.  Why do I even want to be a woman what is wrong with being a guy?  Well I have always felt that I would be more comfortable in my own skin as a female.  I have large hands and feet but I can deal with that.  I have got to know that this is what I want beyond any doubt that it isn't some sexual fetish or fantasy.  Day in day out every day you will just be another girl and have all the disadvantages of not growing up as one.  I am on a voyage of self discovery and facing the fact that at the very least I am just a transgendered male crossdresser has been really hard for me to accept as part of me.  At the other end which I guess is where all of the fear comes in I am a transsexual who really needs to live and be fully female and that scares the T-total **** out of me if I am honest.  But I am the one who ultimately makes that decision to transition and it can go only as far as I allow.  I am unfortunately not the only one who pays the price for my decisions.  I question everything and having gender issues isn't fun I deal with lots of depression.  At work this past week we were getting a new roof put on one of the buildings ond one of the workers is very obviously a transgender male.  She has nice long hair in a ponytail and small developed natural breasts female mannerisms and a male voice.  She wears a bra which the lines showed through on her t-shirt.   Some of my co-workers were making jokes about whether it was a man or a woman referring to her as a woman-man or man-woman.  She has very feminine movements ond presents as female but the voice gives her away.  I was asked if she was a man or woman by these people and I didn't make an issue of their ignorance or blast them for making fun of her I simply stated that I believed her to be transgendered and left it at that.  My whole point is that can I stand up to such ignorance myself if I transitioned because I will not pass and can I live a life that others think is a joke?  It isn't funny to me it is very serious and I don't know how well I can take being ridiculed by the public.  Having depression and suicidal tendencies already, I just don't know how I could manage were it me.  It would be a shame to finally get to be who I wanted to be only to kill myself for not being strong enough to deal with the public humiliation and behind the hands talk and stares from others.  I really wanted to talk to this person to see how they dealt with such adversity but an opportunity for that didn't happen.  Also since I am not out how do you start such a conversation in the first place?  So I hope this isn't too deep or serious for you all but these are my thoughts today.  I wish you all well .  Karen
    Jul 07, 2012 1359
  • 20 May 2012
    St Audries Bay TV week , May 2012 This event takes place twice a year in May and September, just a few miles north of Watchet in Somerset, as it was almost a 400 mile drive I had decided that I would not be able to go in September as well, To break the journey I stayed at Ironbridge over the week end and visited a few places in that area which I had wanted to see for years. On the Monday morning 7 May I continued on to St Audries bay, I had been looking forward to this week for months, on arrival I booked into the single chalet with half board I had opted for, nothing fancy but OK – a bit on the small side for the amount of luggage I took!!  But fine as long as I kept it tidy, Showered and changed into skirt and top, I went off to explore the facilities which are very good, and to meet some of the other girls (and a few Boys). a few of the girls had their wives with them, the first thing that struck me was some of the way out outfits on show, some outrageous, but none were indecent.      Dinner was served at 18.00 hrs. and the food was to a high standard, this was the time when we really started to get to know each other, so many new faces and names I think we all had a job trying to remember names, after dinner  there was a short bingo session (not my cup of tea) before the disco started at 21.00 hrs. again not my thing but there were plenty of other comfortable places to go and just chat over a drink, this is when I first met Marlene a lovely RG lady who gave me a lot of encouragement and advice over the week, she asked me if I was interested in the coach trip organised for the Wednesday – I had already decided not to go but when I found that it was just a mini bus and she told me the details I changed my mind and booked.      The Tuesday was spent quietly getting to know one another, and making lots of new friends, one very experienced girl I was chatting to about trying to be convincing and blending in told me that I was doing well and actually looked like a girl, which again boosted my confidence and looking at some of the girls and their dress sense I could see that I was quite a bit more convincing than some.  There was also a table top sale where I bought a couple of bracelets, and the “newbies get together” complete with wine. After dinner they held the first round of “play your cards right” followed by cabaret and disco.       The coach trip left at 11.30 on Wednesday  and firstly headed for sea life aquarium at  Weston super mare, when  we arrived on the sea front there was quite a cold wind coming in from the sea so there were not that many people about which I was quite pleased about as this was just my second time out among “joe public” there were a few people in the aquarium  but It almost felt as if we were un noticed with no problems at all which boosted my confidence, We then went back to Watchet where the Esplanade club opened especially for us and put on a lovely buffet meal—far more than we could eat and very high standard, being on the harbour side we were able to go out and mingle with the public and view the boats in the marina , but with a safe “bolt hole” in the club in case of trouble, but we enjoyed our time there without incident, a further boost to my confidence.         On Thursday there was among other things a pool competition which I entered out of a fit of daftness, having never played pool before (I had played a little snooker about 50 years ago) needless to say I was knocked out in the first round – best of 3 games – 1st game I was whitewashed- second game I did manage to pocket 2 balls--- progress of sorts. By this time it was near lunch time and as I had some food in the car and a flask of coffee I took off for Watchet on my own and went to the harbour where we had been the day before, , parked the car as close to the ticket machine as possible, took a deep breath and went and bought a ticket, I then moved as close to the harbour as possible, parked up and had a light lunch while watching passers-by, and especially observing  what women were wearing, as there was a cool breeze in from the sea most were wearing coats. I had a light weight coat in the car so put this on in order to “blend in” as far as possible, took a deep breath and set off with my bag over my shoulder, I walked right across the harbour front and into the town without incident and with growing confidence, as I needed some ciggies I looked for a shop which was not too busy and a little way on came to the post office/ gift shop, I stood outside for a few moments, fished my purse out of my bag and went boldly in, the lady behind the counter never batted an eyelid when I asked- very quietly in my best (HA HA ) girly voice asked for 40 Benson & hedges, paid for them , collected my change and strolled out, on my way back to the car I deliberately waked down the side of the street where there were quite a few people about—no problem , as I walked back across the harbour I could hear a steam train of the west Somerset railway approaching so when I got back to the car (the car park is alongside the railway station) I got the camera out and stood by the car waiting for the train to arrive, just then an oldish man came to his car parked 2 spaces away from me and let his dog out, dog immediately came towards me , its owner tried to call it back saying “come here now don’t go bothering the lady” dog took no notice and came up to me tail wagging,  so I stroked its ear, it then went back to its owner and he said to it “ yes she was being nice to you” I am quite convinced that he was being genuine and had not read me--- needless to say I was more than a little pleased . The train arrived and I got my photos, by which time it was time to head back, basking in the buzz of my first real time out on my own. That evening was the third and final round of play your cards right, in another fit of daftness I bought a ticket and to my amazement my number was called as the second contestant, My first card was a queen so I went lower and turned up a 2 – so I went higher – and turned up another 2 – that put an end to my moment of glory!!  After this was the Miss St Audries Bay competition – which I did not enter! – but was won by Roslyn, one of the girls I had become friends with, she was wearing a lovely lime green evening dress and was a well-deserved winner, another disco rounded the evening off.       Friday saw me itching to go out again, as I had been advised that Minehead was a safe place to go to, off I went wearing my green suite and as there was a cold wind again I put on my heavier camel coat, I was able to park in the main street and set off for a walk, within 40 yards I bumped into Steph, one of the other girls I had met, we had a chat and she told me that she was going to the cider farm which is TV friendly, for a coffee, so I said that once I had my walk I would catch her up at the farm, off I went to the end of the street – about 500 yards, crossed over and started up the other side, about ¾ way back to the car IT happened, I suddenly felt my skirt which has an elasticated waist sliding down over my hips OOOOPs –a few seconds of panic , - I put my hand into my coat pocket and was just in time to grab the waistband of said skirt and pull it back a bit before it hit the ground , I was then able to get slowly back to the car and get in, fortunately I had my emergency sewing kit in the car which contained some safety pins ( a girl’s best friend at a time like this) I sat in the car and discreetly pinned my skirt into position. I was disappointed at not completing my walk so got back out and went a further 50 or 60 yards up the street and back, but was not 100% sure of my pin up job, so decided to skip the cider farm and head for a quiet place where I could make a better job of securing the offending garment . I headed up into the hills on a quiet back road and found the perfect place to effect repairs and have some lunch from my ration box. This done there was plenty of time left so I headed back towards Watchet, on the way I came across a forestry commission car park which was empty – a perfect place to test the security of my skirt—a stroll round the car park a few times put my mind at rest, so on to Watchet, Parked up and made for the harbour again and had another walk but this time there was a party of school kids( dangerous animals so I am told)at the far end of the harbour so I turned back and had a walk along the railway station platform instead, as I was now satisfied that the skirt incident had not un-nerved me I made my way back to St Audries. That evening was largely taken up with “curtain Call” which was a 2 hour show put on by some of the girls, considering that this is done at short notice it was mostly very good.      Saturday saw a few of us heading for the cider farm which I had missed out on the day before, as it was in a very sheltered location the cold wind did not find us and it turned out to be the warmest day of the week, so we enjoyed a coffee and scone in the sunshine, that evening was the Gala dinner followed by prize giving and cabaret . Sunday was a bit sad and quite a few tears were shed as girls departed for home, I had booked to stay on for another 4 days to explore the area more (in Drab) and visit the railway but on the Monday I had a very special trip to make – to Bickleigh Mill near Tiverton to meet the one and only Carol – we had a lovely couple of hours chat and coffee – she really is a super lady – but that is another story.      Did I say I could not go again in September --- I only thought that before I went, so guess what – I’m booked for September and next May – roll on September.     
    20737 Posted by rosie Bush
  • St Audries Bay TV week , May 2012 This event takes place twice a year in May and September, just a few miles north of Watchet in Somerset, as it was almost a 400 mile drive I had decided that I would not be able to go in September as well, To break the journey I stayed at Ironbridge over the week end and visited a few places in that area which I had wanted to see for years. On the Monday morning 7 May I continued on to St Audries bay, I had been looking forward to this week for months, on arrival I booked into the single chalet with half board I had opted for, nothing fancy but OK – a bit on the small side for the amount of luggage I took!!  But fine as long as I kept it tidy, Showered and changed into skirt and top, I went off to explore the facilities which are very good, and to meet some of the other girls (and a few Boys). a few of the girls had their wives with them, the first thing that struck me was some of the way out outfits on show, some outrageous, but none were indecent.      Dinner was served at 18.00 hrs. and the food was to a high standard, this was the time when we really started to get to know each other, so many new faces and names I think we all had a job trying to remember names, after dinner  there was a short bingo session (not my cup of tea) before the disco started at 21.00 hrs. again not my thing but there were plenty of other comfortable places to go and just chat over a drink, this is when I first met Marlene a lovely RG lady who gave me a lot of encouragement and advice over the week, she asked me if I was interested in the coach trip organised for the Wednesday – I had already decided not to go but when I found that it was just a mini bus and she told me the details I changed my mind and booked.      The Tuesday was spent quietly getting to know one another, and making lots of new friends, one very experienced girl I was chatting to about trying to be convincing and blending in told me that I was doing well and actually looked like a girl, which again boosted my confidence and looking at some of the girls and their dress sense I could see that I was quite a bit more convincing than some.  There was also a table top sale where I bought a couple of bracelets, and the “newbies get together” complete with wine. After dinner they held the first round of “play your cards right” followed by cabaret and disco.       The coach trip left at 11.30 on Wednesday  and firstly headed for sea life aquarium at  Weston super mare, when  we arrived on the sea front there was quite a cold wind coming in from the sea so there were not that many people about which I was quite pleased about as this was just my second time out among “joe public” there were a few people in the aquarium  but It almost felt as if we were un noticed with no problems at all which boosted my confidence, We then went back to Watchet where the Esplanade club opened especially for us and put on a lovely buffet meal—far more than we could eat and very high standard, being on the harbour side we were able to go out and mingle with the public and view the boats in the marina , but with a safe “bolt hole” in the club in case of trouble, but we enjoyed our time there without incident, a further boost to my confidence.         On Thursday there was among other things a pool competition which I entered out of a fit of daftness, having never played pool before (I had played a little snooker about 50 years ago) needless to say I was knocked out in the first round – best of 3 games – 1st game I was whitewashed- second game I did manage to pocket 2 balls--- progress of sorts. By this time it was near lunch time and as I had some food in the car and a flask of coffee I took off for Watchet on my own and went to the harbour where we had been the day before, , parked the car as close to the ticket machine as possible, took a deep breath and went and bought a ticket, I then moved as close to the harbour as possible, parked up and had a light lunch while watching passers-by, and especially observing  what women were wearing, as there was a cool breeze in from the sea most were wearing coats. I had a light weight coat in the car so put this on in order to “blend in” as far as possible, took a deep breath and set off with my bag over my shoulder, I walked right across the harbour front and into the town without incident and with growing confidence, as I needed some ciggies I looked for a shop which was not too busy and a little way on came to the post office/ gift shop, I stood outside for a few moments, fished my purse out of my bag and went boldly in, the lady behind the counter never batted an eyelid when I asked- very quietly in my best (HA HA ) girly voice asked for 40 Benson & hedges, paid for them , collected my change and strolled out, on my way back to the car I deliberately waked down the side of the street where there were quite a few people about—no problem , as I walked back across the harbour I could hear a steam train of the west Somerset railway approaching so when I got back to the car (the car park is alongside the railway station) I got the camera out and stood by the car waiting for the train to arrive, just then an oldish man came to his car parked 2 spaces away from me and let his dog out, dog immediately came towards me , its owner tried to call it back saying “come here now don’t go bothering the lady” dog took no notice and came up to me tail wagging,  so I stroked its ear, it then went back to its owner and he said to it “ yes she was being nice to you” I am quite convinced that he was being genuine and had not read me--- needless to say I was more than a little pleased . The train arrived and I got my photos, by which time it was time to head back, basking in the buzz of my first real time out on my own. That evening was the third and final round of play your cards right, in another fit of daftness I bought a ticket and to my amazement my number was called as the second contestant, My first card was a queen so I went lower and turned up a 2 – so I went higher – and turned up another 2 – that put an end to my moment of glory!!  After this was the Miss St Audries Bay competition – which I did not enter! – but was won by Roslyn, one of the girls I had become friends with, she was wearing a lovely lime green evening dress and was a well-deserved winner, another disco rounded the evening off.       Friday saw me itching to go out again, as I had been advised that Minehead was a safe place to go to, off I went wearing my green suite and as there was a cold wind again I put on my heavier camel coat, I was able to park in the main street and set off for a walk, within 40 yards I bumped into Steph, one of the other girls I had met, we had a chat and she told me that she was going to the cider farm which is TV friendly, for a coffee, so I said that once I had my walk I would catch her up at the farm, off I went to the end of the street – about 500 yards, crossed over and started up the other side, about ¾ way back to the car IT happened, I suddenly felt my skirt which has an elasticated waist sliding down over my hips OOOOPs –a few seconds of panic , - I put my hand into my coat pocket and was just in time to grab the waistband of said skirt and pull it back a bit before it hit the ground , I was then able to get slowly back to the car and get in, fortunately I had my emergency sewing kit in the car which contained some safety pins ( a girl’s best friend at a time like this) I sat in the car and discreetly pinned my skirt into position. I was disappointed at not completing my walk so got back out and went a further 50 or 60 yards up the street and back, but was not 100% sure of my pin up job, so decided to skip the cider farm and head for a quiet place where I could make a better job of securing the offending garment . I headed up into the hills on a quiet back road and found the perfect place to effect repairs and have some lunch from my ration box. This done there was plenty of time left so I headed back towards Watchet, on the way I came across a forestry commission car park which was empty – a perfect place to test the security of my skirt—a stroll round the car park a few times put my mind at rest, so on to Watchet, Parked up and made for the harbour again and had another walk but this time there was a party of school kids( dangerous animals so I am told)at the far end of the harbour so I turned back and had a walk along the railway station platform instead, as I was now satisfied that the skirt incident had not un-nerved me I made my way back to St Audries. That evening was largely taken up with “curtain Call” which was a 2 hour show put on by some of the girls, considering that this is done at short notice it was mostly very good.      Saturday saw a few of us heading for the cider farm which I had missed out on the day before, as it was in a very sheltered location the cold wind did not find us and it turned out to be the warmest day of the week, so we enjoyed a coffee and scone in the sunshine, that evening was the Gala dinner followed by prize giving and cabaret . Sunday was a bit sad and quite a few tears were shed as girls departed for home, I had booked to stay on for another 4 days to explore the area more (in Drab) and visit the railway but on the Monday I had a very special trip to make – to Bickleigh Mill near Tiverton to meet the one and only Carol – we had a lovely couple of hours chat and coffee – she really is a super lady – but that is another story.      Did I say I could not go again in September --- I only thought that before I went, so guess what – I’m booked for September and next May – roll on September.     
    May 20, 2012 20737
  • 18 Mar 2012
    So there we were three girls all glammed up and ready to hit the club.   We set off across the car park heels clicking as we went, you have to love that sound! The first obsticle we came across was a grass verge which we all managed to get across with not to much trouble. Then across the road to the club, which was easy as there are few cars around at 3.30am.   As the club are working on their main entrance it was not easy to find the way in. I saw a sign saying safe route, so decided to go that way. Debs and Faye went down the sloping driveway. Faye got down okay but Debs came down a little quicker and less in control. It was at this point i remember Debs saying she had never walked more than the length of her living room on heels and it bought it home to me that this was her first time out which by now was hard to believe. Arriving safely at the entrance, just, we climbed the stairs to enter the club.   We entered the club and paid the entance fee, which was very reasonable at £7. We then walked into the club with a welcome from the security of "welcome ladies" what more could we ask for?   The club itself is amazing. Fires blazing in the smoking area, a warm welcome and a lot of security. What more can a girl ask for? The first stop was the bar in the smoking area. How nice to stand at a bar and order a drink while smoking? Debs got the first round ( with no pressure from me and Faye.....lol) and we were all open mouthed at the price, over £20 for three drinks, until the barmaid said there was a mistake on the till. Which was a real relief to all of us i think, as it might have been a very expensive weekend else. After finishing our cigs we headed into the main part of the club. Despite the late hour, or should i say early hour? the club was quite busy with a buzzing atmosphere.   We decided to head up to the top floor which is the quite area of the club. Walking through the club we passed the dance floor, which was quite busy despite the hour. Arriving at the top floor i head to the bar to get the drinks in while debs and Faye go and sit down. Drinks in hand i head to where Debs and Faye are sat chatting away and hand the girls their drinks. I sit down and we have a toast to the GS girls day out and all agree it has been a brilliant day. We chat, laugh and joke about our day, the makeovers and no end of subjects. Sitting chatting with the girls i found it hard to believe a few  things. Firstly that is was Debs first time out as she was so femme and confident, then the confindence i felt in myself being as it was only my second time out as Monique, the fact that Faye is so relaxed as herself, then the confidence i have as it is only my second time out as Monique, the way we were chatting like friends who see each other everyday which felt so nice and lastly that we had all only met as a group a mere 14hrs ago.   After chatting for a while it was decided we would hit the dance floor. A quick trip down stairs and we were stutting our stuff! Despite what she says Debs moves really well as does Faye. The dance floor had mirrors all around it and i did notice we were all checking ourselves out while dancing, for me it was so nice just to be me and enjoy dancing without a care in the world. At one point a stange looking man came and tried to grab my hand but i waved him away, he then went and grabbed Fayes hand but she made it clear she wasnt interested and he backed off, i must say even at this point i wasnt concerned about our safety as i could see at least 4 security staff about. After strutting our stuff for a while we decided to head back to the hotel. On the way out Debs decided she was hungry, so she ordered a bugger and chips. While waiting another round of drinks were bought and we chatted while waiting for the food. It was a this point i coughed and sneezed at the same time and managed to cover my face with what i was drinking, not a good look. I headed off to the toilet quickly to find some tissue to clean myself up. Exiting the toilet i find Faye heading towards me with more tissue in hand and a concerned look on her face. I tell her im fine and thank her for helping ( she wiped the bits I missed). By now Debs has her burger and chips so we head out of the club back to the hotel.   The journey back to the hotel was less eventfull than the journey there , apart from Debs flashing her stunning legs at a passing car. Back at the hotel outside our rooms we have a group hug and say our goodnights. Back in my room i realise im a bit hungry and wish i had got some food from the club. Then i remember i had some quavers in the car, so i grab the keys for the car and head to the car park. Exiting the hotel i light a cig and get the quavers from the car, while smoking my cig i cant help but smile to myself as i think about what a perfect day it has been and wonder if the weekend can get any better. Back in my room i remove my makeup get into bed and eat my quavers reflecting on a wonderfull day. I check my watch and it is 6.10am, god i need to sleep. That was the last thing i remember of the Fri/Sat of my best weekend ever.   To be continued
    2304 Posted by monique aka *mini Mon* h
  • So there we were three girls all glammed up and ready to hit the club.   We set off across the car park heels clicking as we went, you have to love that sound! The first obsticle we came across was a grass verge which we all managed to get across with not to much trouble. Then across the road to the club, which was easy as there are few cars around at 3.30am.   As the club are working on their main entrance it was not easy to find the way in. I saw a sign saying safe route, so decided to go that way. Debs and Faye went down the sloping driveway. Faye got down okay but Debs came down a little quicker and less in control. It was at this point i remember Debs saying she had never walked more than the length of her living room on heels and it bought it home to me that this was her first time out which by now was hard to believe. Arriving safely at the entrance, just, we climbed the stairs to enter the club.   We entered the club and paid the entance fee, which was very reasonable at £7. We then walked into the club with a welcome from the security of "welcome ladies" what more could we ask for?   The club itself is amazing. Fires blazing in the smoking area, a warm welcome and a lot of security. What more can a girl ask for? The first stop was the bar in the smoking area. How nice to stand at a bar and order a drink while smoking? Debs got the first round ( with no pressure from me and Faye.....lol) and we were all open mouthed at the price, over £20 for three drinks, until the barmaid said there was a mistake on the till. Which was a real relief to all of us i think, as it might have been a very expensive weekend else. After finishing our cigs we headed into the main part of the club. Despite the late hour, or should i say early hour? the club was quite busy with a buzzing atmosphere.   We decided to head up to the top floor which is the quite area of the club. Walking through the club we passed the dance floor, which was quite busy despite the hour. Arriving at the top floor i head to the bar to get the drinks in while debs and Faye go and sit down. Drinks in hand i head to where Debs and Faye are sat chatting away and hand the girls their drinks. I sit down and we have a toast to the GS girls day out and all agree it has been a brilliant day. We chat, laugh and joke about our day, the makeovers and no end of subjects. Sitting chatting with the girls i found it hard to believe a few  things. Firstly that is was Debs first time out as she was so femme and confident, then the confindence i felt in myself being as it was only my second time out as Monique, the fact that Faye is so relaxed as herself, then the confidence i have as it is only my second time out as Monique, the way we were chatting like friends who see each other everyday which felt so nice and lastly that we had all only met as a group a mere 14hrs ago.   After chatting for a while it was decided we would hit the dance floor. A quick trip down stairs and we were stutting our stuff! Despite what she says Debs moves really well as does Faye. The dance floor had mirrors all around it and i did notice we were all checking ourselves out while dancing, for me it was so nice just to be me and enjoy dancing without a care in the world. At one point a stange looking man came and tried to grab my hand but i waved him away, he then went and grabbed Fayes hand but she made it clear she wasnt interested and he backed off, i must say even at this point i wasnt concerned about our safety as i could see at least 4 security staff about. After strutting our stuff for a while we decided to head back to the hotel. On the way out Debs decided she was hungry, so she ordered a bugger and chips. While waiting another round of drinks were bought and we chatted while waiting for the food. It was a this point i coughed and sneezed at the same time and managed to cover my face with what i was drinking, not a good look. I headed off to the toilet quickly to find some tissue to clean myself up. Exiting the toilet i find Faye heading towards me with more tissue in hand and a concerned look on her face. I tell her im fine and thank her for helping ( she wiped the bits I missed). By now Debs has her burger and chips so we head out of the club back to the hotel.   The journey back to the hotel was less eventfull than the journey there , apart from Debs flashing her stunning legs at a passing car. Back at the hotel outside our rooms we have a group hug and say our goodnights. Back in my room i realise im a bit hungry and wish i had got some food from the club. Then i remember i had some quavers in the car, so i grab the keys for the car and head to the car park. Exiting the hotel i light a cig and get the quavers from the car, while smoking my cig i cant help but smile to myself as i think about what a perfect day it has been and wonder if the weekend can get any better. Back in my room i remove my makeup get into bed and eat my quavers reflecting on a wonderfull day. I check my watch and it is 6.10am, god i need to sleep. That was the last thing i remember of the Fri/Sat of my best weekend ever.   To be continued
    Mar 18, 2012 2304