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  • 02 Dec 2010
    I'll probably be tempting fate by saying this but I feel like things are finally coming together. More new features are turning up every day (some behind the scenes) and I'm so glad that we now have our birthdays feature installed.  Unlike the birthdays feature on the old site, this one is quite polished and works well.  It will even let you know when your friends are having a birthday so you can send greetings. You can also 'Poke' other member now, a'la Facebook.  We've got a heap of other software going in over the next few days so testers, please do go and play with all the new toys and let me know if there are any problems. We are hoping to migrate our date from the old site in the next few days and actually do the switch in the middle of next week. It will be great when this is finally over as it's been a very, very stressful time for me. Let's have a party in the chat room to celebrate when the new site is live. Thanks and hugs, Katie   x
    1416 Posted by Katie Glover
  • I'll probably be tempting fate by saying this but I feel like things are finally coming together. More new features are turning up every day (some behind the scenes) and I'm so glad that we now have our birthdays feature installed.  Unlike the birthdays feature on the old site, this one is quite polished and works well.  It will even let you know when your friends are having a birthday so you can send greetings. You can also 'Poke' other member now, a'la Facebook.  We've got a heap of other software going in over the next few days so testers, please do go and play with all the new toys and let me know if there are any problems. We are hoping to migrate our date from the old site in the next few days and actually do the switch in the middle of next week. It will be great when this is finally over as it's been a very, very stressful time for me. Let's have a party in the chat room to celebrate when the new site is live. Thanks and hugs, Katie   x
    Dec 02, 2010 1416
  • 03 Mar 2014
    I thought Id write about something that was differnt then what most here write about . I thought id talk about "our four legged friends " Yes "Dogs" . Ive been a here for a very longtime and I ve rarly see anyone talk about there pets mosty there dog (s) and how they may or may not be part of there dresing femm . I love Dogs very much and ive oftan said in the past i had more four legged friends than two . I enjoy there company and how a dog dont care about what you do . like most dogs they love it when you play with them like tossing a ball or a bone or just a stick for them to retrive. I had a dog for 22 years til I had to make a hard choice to have him put down . these days I play ball with my brothers 165 pound 2 year old "Rothwieler" named cezar . Cezar my special buddy and I love to toss a basket ball for him to retreive then try take it from him after. Yea Right ..lol !! I dont think a good football player could take it from him since I wonce tried for over 2 hours and with no luck ..lol I find most dogs are great for telling your most secrits to no matter what they are and they will never tell any one what you did unless you understand the dog language of "Ruff "....lol i find it relaxing and sometimes amasing in there abilities to do things you dont think they can do . Cezar is one of thoes dogs he has demonstarted a few times to me and other he very strong . ive seen him lift things or crush things that most dogs wont . Yes it true Rothwielers are arressive and yes they can rip your arm off if you piss them off but im a ferm belever most are given a bad rap because not of what they did but how they are raised around others . I feel bad for these dogs and others who get a bad reputation . They say A dog is a Man 's best friend but from my experince with them I think A "CD" best friend too ..lol
    818 Posted by Karen Tea
  • I thought Id write about something that was differnt then what most here write about . I thought id talk about "our four legged friends " Yes "Dogs" . Ive been a here for a very longtime and I ve rarly see anyone talk about there pets mosty there dog (s) and how they may or may not be part of there dresing femm . I love Dogs very much and ive oftan said in the past i had more four legged friends than two . I enjoy there company and how a dog dont care about what you do . like most dogs they love it when you play with them like tossing a ball or a bone or just a stick for them to retrive. I had a dog for 22 years til I had to make a hard choice to have him put down . these days I play ball with my brothers 165 pound 2 year old "Rothwieler" named cezar . Cezar my special buddy and I love to toss a basket ball for him to retreive then try take it from him after. Yea Right ..lol !! I dont think a good football player could take it from him since I wonce tried for over 2 hours and with no luck ..lol I find most dogs are great for telling your most secrits to no matter what they are and they will never tell any one what you did unless you understand the dog language of "Ruff "....lol i find it relaxing and sometimes amasing in there abilities to do things you dont think they can do . Cezar is one of thoes dogs he has demonstarted a few times to me and other he very strong . ive seen him lift things or crush things that most dogs wont . Yes it true Rothwielers are arressive and yes they can rip your arm off if you piss them off but im a ferm belever most are given a bad rap because not of what they did but how they are raised around others . I feel bad for these dogs and others who get a bad reputation . They say A dog is a Man 's best friend but from my experince with them I think A "CD" best friend too ..lol
    Mar 03, 2014 818
  • 13 Mar 2014
    Just an update, ..So I was planning to transition at work and things seemed to be going okay , then as often in happens life something just happens and it did . It kind of goes like this , I always had a bit of a strained relationship with my immediate boss, he being a control freak opinionated and to my mind judgemental   ,me being a bit polar opposite always ready to accept and be flexible non judgemental . So over the last 3 months I made the disclosures to my immediate management that I needed to transistion etc. I had my doubts if my boss was REALLY  as willing to accept me going forward, whilst appearing to say all the  right things in our meetings with HR and my departmental boss  to plan my transition and how it should be communicated. Everything seemed to be in place. Then 2 weeks ago after a very,very hectic work schedule [ no time for Donna] , I got ask to drop everything and sort things out in Germany , so I did,but thought I got no help from my boss aside from excuses. I got the flu , and he insisted that I should carry on working and help him out when I returned with a lot of customer visits [ get up at 5  get home at 9Pm] . I did this , and "soldiered on" . A low point came when at 7.30pm still working , he tells me he is exasperrated by me , as I am not communicating to him and asking for help. I tell him I thought he was busy , and said I was still suffering from the flu. he did not accept this. Next day I have a  planned meeting with HR my Boss and manager , to agree the prepared statements and communications , These were all fine as I had worked with HR a lot to prepare and personalize and circulted to my boss for comment  .My Boss was tasked with arranging to communicate my transition to other parts of the company. He said "I can handle this",but never spoke to me about it . Feeling not at my best , and basically feeling really put down , I said there where issues with my working relationship with my boss that needed to be resolved .   I also told them that for me it was difficult putting up a front, and that i needed a break , pointing out that effectively for someone transitioning , its like a resignation and a re-engaging and everyone (includng me ) having the time to understand and accept me as Donna.i felt like I was being boxed up There were a couple of meetings organised with HR as mutually my Boss and me  agreed there was a Communication breakdown . Its not good when you find you are a polar counter balance .  cutting to the chase ..... I handed my resignation in and thats it . a month to go and I leave. The AIr is cleared  I have had time to speak to our HR director as "no surprise" she seems able to listen to Donna. Meanwhile my Boss seems to be avoiding coming into the office, and was off all this week with Flu. My boss is alright at heart with good intentions, BUT .. he says I am too sensitve and misinterpret things and read meanings into things . mmmh  . Maybe this is true , Not sure What I will do next. now that I have jumped the cage  and cut the cord that secured me ,  ...but I think it is the right life  decision for me . Donna .   .  BTW Best wishes to Emma G and Ellle F for your comments 
    696 Posted by Donna V
  • By Donna V
    Just an update, ..So I was planning to transition at work and things seemed to be going okay , then as often in happens life something just happens and it did . It kind of goes like this , I always had a bit of a strained relationship with my immediate boss, he being a control freak opinionated and to my mind judgemental   ,me being a bit polar opposite always ready to accept and be flexible non judgemental . So over the last 3 months I made the disclosures to my immediate management that I needed to transistion etc. I had my doubts if my boss was REALLY  as willing to accept me going forward, whilst appearing to say all the  right things in our meetings with HR and my departmental boss  to plan my transition and how it should be communicated. Everything seemed to be in place. Then 2 weeks ago after a very,very hectic work schedule [ no time for Donna] , I got ask to drop everything and sort things out in Germany , so I did,but thought I got no help from my boss aside from excuses. I got the flu , and he insisted that I should carry on working and help him out when I returned with a lot of customer visits [ get up at 5  get home at 9Pm] . I did this , and "soldiered on" . A low point came when at 7.30pm still working , he tells me he is exasperrated by me , as I am not communicating to him and asking for help. I tell him I thought he was busy , and said I was still suffering from the flu. he did not accept this. Next day I have a  planned meeting with HR my Boss and manager , to agree the prepared statements and communications , These were all fine as I had worked with HR a lot to prepare and personalize and circulted to my boss for comment  .My Boss was tasked with arranging to communicate my transition to other parts of the company. He said "I can handle this",but never spoke to me about it . Feeling not at my best , and basically feeling really put down , I said there where issues with my working relationship with my boss that needed to be resolved .   I also told them that for me it was difficult putting up a front, and that i needed a break , pointing out that effectively for someone transitioning , its like a resignation and a re-engaging and everyone (includng me ) having the time to understand and accept me as Donna.i felt like I was being boxed up There were a couple of meetings organised with HR as mutually my Boss and me  agreed there was a Communication breakdown . Its not good when you find you are a polar counter balance .  cutting to the chase ..... I handed my resignation in and thats it . a month to go and I leave. The AIr is cleared  I have had time to speak to our HR director as "no surprise" she seems able to listen to Donna. Meanwhile my Boss seems to be avoiding coming into the office, and was off all this week with Flu. My boss is alright at heart with good intentions, BUT .. he says I am too sensitve and misinterpret things and read meanings into things . mmmh  . Maybe this is true , Not sure What I will do next. now that I have jumped the cage  and cut the cord that secured me ,  ...but I think it is the right life  decision for me . Donna .   .  BTW Best wishes to Emma G and Ellle F for your comments 
    Mar 13, 2014 696
  • 04 Apr 2014
    You know when you're a kid and you run indoors to grab something, like a PB&J sandwich and then run outdoors to play, but then you forget your toys so you run back in and your parents holler out "come in or stay outside, but don't keep going back and forth!"   For some the idea of going in or out of perceived gender "roles" or experiences can lead to frustrating ideas. It confusing to the outsiders (like your parents didn't get why you needed to keep coming in and going out) - and often it confuses ourselves as well.   Dressing up doesn't always fit like a premium set of tights. In fact, a GF and I were chatting (OK, we were b****ing LOL) about how tall girls can't find good fitting clothes. They make the aspect of being what you want to be much harder and awkward to convey, so we get uncomfortable and need a change.   Why is it that society seems to favor the slim, petite girls but ignores a BBW or a RTG (really tall girl). I saw a girl a few weeks ago - she was just a teen but she was *so* tall. I can imagine she will get taller, and she'll probably ask herself the same question - why is it so hard to dress up nicely?   I'm not saying that's a reason to go in and out of "gender modes" - but if you aren't comfortable you really aren't going to feel "with it" and "part of the team."   I  have GF's that can absolutely transform and be amazing - partly as they can find clothes that fit well and look gorgeous. I did not get the same endowments but that's OK, it's what I was given and I deal with it.   But, like other things, I move in and out of the wants of Samantha... she's not needy but she likes her time, her personal things and being given the chance to "shine" - even for a short time. Samantha always is asking "why can't we just find a way to fit in?"   Lately I found some jeans that were designed for taller women and they fit great! Of course, nothing beats a good dress, but on a tall woman it may end up looking like a a long shirt and not a beautiful dress landing just above the knees (I have issues with my knees too but I'll let that go for now...).   So Samantha gets to wear long skirts in hopes that they fit well and they usually do. My 'first' skirt was a long denim skirt that lands at the ankles. I loved wearing it (I still do) - it is a wonderful item and I got it on a whim hoping it would fit. And it did. But fear & loathing put the skirt back in the bag and it was hidden away.   Moving in and out, like a renter at a timeshare, is not always a bad thing, but it is a confusing and sometimes frustrating thing. I see so many beautiful women, in just everyday life - not trying to wow the world. I just want to be able to be like that. Average, everyday, run-of-the-mill woman. My good friends have told me I am "amazing" and "beautiful" but in some sense I see things they don't (or they respectfully don't tell me) and the feeling is to go in-and-out again. It's a revolving door.   Sometimes you get dizzy, though, and you just want to land your boots on solid ground and sigh happily "ah, I am home again!"
    1065 Posted by Samantha Erica
  • You know when you're a kid and you run indoors to grab something, like a PB&J sandwich and then run outdoors to play, but then you forget your toys so you run back in and your parents holler out "come in or stay outside, but don't keep going back and forth!"   For some the idea of going in or out of perceived gender "roles" or experiences can lead to frustrating ideas. It confusing to the outsiders (like your parents didn't get why you needed to keep coming in and going out) - and often it confuses ourselves as well.   Dressing up doesn't always fit like a premium set of tights. In fact, a GF and I were chatting (OK, we were b****ing LOL) about how tall girls can't find good fitting clothes. They make the aspect of being what you want to be much harder and awkward to convey, so we get uncomfortable and need a change.   Why is it that society seems to favor the slim, petite girls but ignores a BBW or a RTG (really tall girl). I saw a girl a few weeks ago - she was just a teen but she was *so* tall. I can imagine she will get taller, and she'll probably ask herself the same question - why is it so hard to dress up nicely?   I'm not saying that's a reason to go in and out of "gender modes" - but if you aren't comfortable you really aren't going to feel "with it" and "part of the team."   I  have GF's that can absolutely transform and be amazing - partly as they can find clothes that fit well and look gorgeous. I did not get the same endowments but that's OK, it's what I was given and I deal with it.   But, like other things, I move in and out of the wants of Samantha... she's not needy but she likes her time, her personal things and being given the chance to "shine" - even for a short time. Samantha always is asking "why can't we just find a way to fit in?"   Lately I found some jeans that were designed for taller women and they fit great! Of course, nothing beats a good dress, but on a tall woman it may end up looking like a a long shirt and not a beautiful dress landing just above the knees (I have issues with my knees too but I'll let that go for now...).   So Samantha gets to wear long skirts in hopes that they fit well and they usually do. My 'first' skirt was a long denim skirt that lands at the ankles. I loved wearing it (I still do) - it is a wonderful item and I got it on a whim hoping it would fit. And it did. But fear & loathing put the skirt back in the bag and it was hidden away.   Moving in and out, like a renter at a timeshare, is not always a bad thing, but it is a confusing and sometimes frustrating thing. I see so many beautiful women, in just everyday life - not trying to wow the world. I just want to be able to be like that. Average, everyday, run-of-the-mill woman. My good friends have told me I am "amazing" and "beautiful" but in some sense I see things they don't (or they respectfully don't tell me) and the feeling is to go in-and-out again. It's a revolving door.   Sometimes you get dizzy, though, and you just want to land your boots on solid ground and sigh happily "ah, I am home again!"
    Apr 04, 2014 1065
  • 29 Jun 2013
    We all have parts of our lives that are good, and parts of our lives that are not so good.  Some of us may be envious of parts of others lives but I have always believed that most of us are about equal.  The person that you may be envious about one part of their life, may be envious of a different part of your life.  Until one of us reaches that point of being out and accepted to almost everyone in our lives,  working as their true self, and have transitioned to what ever point truly makes us individually happy, we are all on that journey to the land of "living", not just "existing".  We all cope along the journey in our own way.  Those that know me even remotely know that I am only out to my girlfriend, and my doctor, and that my girlfriend has a teen son that lives with us that makes it very difficult for me to be me.  I am not out to him.  During the school year I get to relax and be me for brief periods when he spends the night at friends houses.  During the summer he goes to his older brothers houses, out of state, for the summer and I have two months to pretty much live full time except for work.  I need my summers.  By the time May gets here every year I am getting pretty depressed.  The depression goes away until August when I go back in the closet and the cycle repeats.  This year, things didn't work out and he didn't stay with his brothers.  I have never felt as bad as I was feeling, I hit bottom on this past Monday.  Me and my girlfriend talked most of the night.  At some point she said, you have to tell him.  We talked more the next day and she gently pushed me the way she always does when I need to be pushed.  I told her that I wanted to do it, but wanted to think it out a bit, make sure I knew what I wanted to say, or at least have a rough idea so I wouldn't feel like I left out something important afterwards.  On Wednesday we sat him down on the couch, I was really, really, scared.  I started, made it almost five minutes before I started crying.  I stopped every few minutes to ask him if he had any questions.  We talked for about a half hour, maybe fourty five minutes, it seemed like a lifetime, but I did it, and he was incredibly ok with all of it.  He even said he wants to go out with us, and that the only thing that would bother him was if someone treated me badly.  I took him to the computer and showed him my GS profile, some of my pics, and told hime about my closest friends.  He asked to see their profiles and we spent some time going from profile to profile.  He made some very positive comments about all of them and asked questions about them.  The only one I really remember, as my head was spinning, was about Debs, he calls her "the knock out".  Things around the house are better than I could have ever immagined, and we feel closer.  I know "outing" to all of the people in my life probably wont go as well, but I am off to a good start, and I am very, very happy. 
    952 Posted by Briana Lynn Rekowski
  • We all have parts of our lives that are good, and parts of our lives that are not so good.  Some of us may be envious of parts of others lives but I have always believed that most of us are about equal.  The person that you may be envious about one part of their life, may be envious of a different part of your life.  Until one of us reaches that point of being out and accepted to almost everyone in our lives,  working as their true self, and have transitioned to what ever point truly makes us individually happy, we are all on that journey to the land of "living", not just "existing".  We all cope along the journey in our own way.  Those that know me even remotely know that I am only out to my girlfriend, and my doctor, and that my girlfriend has a teen son that lives with us that makes it very difficult for me to be me.  I am not out to him.  During the school year I get to relax and be me for brief periods when he spends the night at friends houses.  During the summer he goes to his older brothers houses, out of state, for the summer and I have two months to pretty much live full time except for work.  I need my summers.  By the time May gets here every year I am getting pretty depressed.  The depression goes away until August when I go back in the closet and the cycle repeats.  This year, things didn't work out and he didn't stay with his brothers.  I have never felt as bad as I was feeling, I hit bottom on this past Monday.  Me and my girlfriend talked most of the night.  At some point she said, you have to tell him.  We talked more the next day and she gently pushed me the way she always does when I need to be pushed.  I told her that I wanted to do it, but wanted to think it out a bit, make sure I knew what I wanted to say, or at least have a rough idea so I wouldn't feel like I left out something important afterwards.  On Wednesday we sat him down on the couch, I was really, really, scared.  I started, made it almost five minutes before I started crying.  I stopped every few minutes to ask him if he had any questions.  We talked for about a half hour, maybe fourty five minutes, it seemed like a lifetime, but I did it, and he was incredibly ok with all of it.  He even said he wants to go out with us, and that the only thing that would bother him was if someone treated me badly.  I took him to the computer and showed him my GS profile, some of my pics, and told hime about my closest friends.  He asked to see their profiles and we spent some time going from profile to profile.  He made some very positive comments about all of them and asked questions about them.  The only one I really remember, as my head was spinning, was about Debs, he calls her "the knock out".  Things around the house are better than I could have ever immagined, and we feel closer.  I know "outing" to all of the people in my life probably wont go as well, but I am off to a good start, and I am very, very happy. 
    Jun 29, 2013 952
  • 16 Mar 2013
    It's hard for me to believe, but I have been going to three of the same places for over four years now. Yes they are straight venues and yes I am talking about going in there as me. At the risk of sounding like an alcoholic, all of these places are pubs or taverns of sorts.   All three are very civilized of course and I'm not talking about a bunch of redneck bars in Ohio. Along the way, I became a regular and began to know some of the other regulars.  I'm sure at the beginning most of them didn't really know much except that's a guy dressed as a girl but I was harmless.   On occasion I did run into a rest room problem and the typical snickers (and not the candy bar).  But life went on and actually all the employees have been exceptionally nice to me over the whole time.   Early in my experience though,  the most jaded of some of the male regulars were never really mean or negative but they always had to slide in the man word into our conversations.  A couple of them even went  out of their way to shorten my name to "Chris" (which isn't my male name anyway).   If nothing, I was persistent and ignored it all. Slowly but surely times started to change.  The effect of HRT and wearing my own hair was huge of course but perhaps the bigger change had to do with meeting my friends there..they validated me as a real person,. I wasn't just a guy dressed as a girl, I had a life. All of the sudden, I moved from "man or Chris" to a person.   For sure, I do get discouraged at the timing of all of this. I'm an impatient person and four years is an eternity! On the other hand, essentially I am transitioning in front of their eyes.    Who knows, a few of them may even look up the transgender word. In the meantime,  I really enjoy the friendly acceptance I get. Even though I'm their token trans girl.
    1517 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • It's hard for me to believe, but I have been going to three of the same places for over four years now. Yes they are straight venues and yes I am talking about going in there as me. At the risk of sounding like an alcoholic, all of these places are pubs or taverns of sorts.   All three are very civilized of course and I'm not talking about a bunch of redneck bars in Ohio. Along the way, I became a regular and began to know some of the other regulars.  I'm sure at the beginning most of them didn't really know much except that's a guy dressed as a girl but I was harmless.   On occasion I did run into a rest room problem and the typical snickers (and not the candy bar).  But life went on and actually all the employees have been exceptionally nice to me over the whole time.   Early in my experience though,  the most jaded of some of the male regulars were never really mean or negative but they always had to slide in the man word into our conversations.  A couple of them even went  out of their way to shorten my name to "Chris" (which isn't my male name anyway).   If nothing, I was persistent and ignored it all. Slowly but surely times started to change.  The effect of HRT and wearing my own hair was huge of course but perhaps the bigger change had to do with meeting my friends there..they validated me as a real person,. I wasn't just a guy dressed as a girl, I had a life. All of the sudden, I moved from "man or Chris" to a person.   For sure, I do get discouraged at the timing of all of this. I'm an impatient person and four years is an eternity! On the other hand, essentially I am transitioning in front of their eyes.    Who knows, a few of them may even look up the transgender word. In the meantime,  I really enjoy the friendly acceptance I get. Even though I'm their token trans girl.
    Mar 16, 2013 1517
  • 01 Aug 2012
    Truthfully I can say that being transgendered isn't an easy path.  There is so much fear that has crippled me over the years.  Denial has also played a huge factor in my life as well.  I don't want to be a transsexual woman or any other type of gender variant individual.  Yes I said that because if things had worked out like they should have I would have been born as a girl and that would be the end of the story.  Living a life in fear of being discovered isn't for me.  I don't want to hide anymore and I want to be honest to others about who I really am and how I feel.  That doesn't mean I will tell everyone and wave my little TG flag around because I believe in discretion as well.  What I suppose it means for myself is I have finally come to accept myself as being a transgendered person.  This has been a very long time coming but I can really say I am OK with it.  The tricky part is where do I go from here?   If we live long enough I suppose we can all get here.  Years of frustration and anger and self loathing, praying, bargaining, fighting, wondering... I am still here and so are my gender issues.  I am in my forties facing the prospect of transitioning.  For those of you who are younger please listen to what your inner voice tells you about yourself.  Get counseling and help early.  You deserve it and owe it to yourself to be honest about your feelings.  Find somebody to talk to now don't wait until tomorrow even.  If you are a girl who feels she should be a boy then don't ignore those feelings.  If you are a guy who is ashamed that he dresses in women's clothing you need to find out why you are doing these things.  If you are saddened by the fact that you have a penis and won't grow breasts like other girls you need help.  Don't try to suffer through or be a false martyr because you will regret it later.  If you are transgendered you need support from people who can accept that about you and can help you to make YOUR OWN decisions about what you can do about it.  Don't blame anyone else for your situation face it and deal with it and own it.    Hi I'm Karen a 44 year old transgendered person.  I am a human being and I am learning to be better to myself.  Don't ever stop trying, do what you can.  Love yourself even if you think you don't deserve it.  Be kind and finally smile.  Yes you reader smile until you feel it inside.  You can't change the world or other people but you can change your mind.  You can change you.     Karen
    2204 Posted by Karen Moore
  • Truthfully I can say that being transgendered isn't an easy path.  There is so much fear that has crippled me over the years.  Denial has also played a huge factor in my life as well.  I don't want to be a transsexual woman or any other type of gender variant individual.  Yes I said that because if things had worked out like they should have I would have been born as a girl and that would be the end of the story.  Living a life in fear of being discovered isn't for me.  I don't want to hide anymore and I want to be honest to others about who I really am and how I feel.  That doesn't mean I will tell everyone and wave my little TG flag around because I believe in discretion as well.  What I suppose it means for myself is I have finally come to accept myself as being a transgendered person.  This has been a very long time coming but I can really say I am OK with it.  The tricky part is where do I go from here?   If we live long enough I suppose we can all get here.  Years of frustration and anger and self loathing, praying, bargaining, fighting, wondering... I am still here and so are my gender issues.  I am in my forties facing the prospect of transitioning.  For those of you who are younger please listen to what your inner voice tells you about yourself.  Get counseling and help early.  You deserve it and owe it to yourself to be honest about your feelings.  Find somebody to talk to now don't wait until tomorrow even.  If you are a girl who feels she should be a boy then don't ignore those feelings.  If you are a guy who is ashamed that he dresses in women's clothing you need to find out why you are doing these things.  If you are saddened by the fact that you have a penis and won't grow breasts like other girls you need help.  Don't try to suffer through or be a false martyr because you will regret it later.  If you are transgendered you need support from people who can accept that about you and can help you to make YOUR OWN decisions about what you can do about it.  Don't blame anyone else for your situation face it and deal with it and own it.    Hi I'm Karen a 44 year old transgendered person.  I am a human being and I am learning to be better to myself.  Don't ever stop trying, do what you can.  Love yourself even if you think you don't deserve it.  Be kind and finally smile.  Yes you reader smile until you feel it inside.  You can't change the world or other people but you can change your mind.  You can change you.     Karen
    Aug 01, 2012 2204
  • 30 Aug 2013
    I really cant carry on the fraud. its not me . Yes I dress in drab still when circumstances seem to demand. its driving me crazy!! .I am apprehensive  because I just feel its the time when my life is going to change . I genuinely have a fear for the long term relationship I have been in . The Truth is that in transition  you move away from them , maybe you are moving away from their expectations, but you know you you have to move away from a circumstance and existence that painfully put you down . The possibilities for getting this misunderstood are overwhelming. Strange thing is I just down play my Femme  side when I go home for the weekend to see her. The fact that I have to work away during week is saving my sanity , it gives me the solitude to Myself , but the hidden cost may be in not spending real time in a relationship.Transitioning is by definition a secretive behaviour , but when your hair gets lovely and long and you smile more and you want to live a real life .. I am happy looking in a mirror when Donna looks back and smiles. It seems I have been through a few cycles already only to find I go through to another , maybe this is the one . This is what its like to be a transgendered. I dont need or want to be controlled at this time  , just let this happen and why not enjoy it  rather than fear it .   I really am not sure what the outcome of the weekend will be and I am apprehensive. In my own way I am ready , as raedy As I will ever be . ..Another day Time to get ready for work . 
    747 Posted by Donna V
  • By Donna V
    I really cant carry on the fraud. its not me . Yes I dress in drab still when circumstances seem to demand. its driving me crazy!! .I am apprehensive  because I just feel its the time when my life is going to change . I genuinely have a fear for the long term relationship I have been in . The Truth is that in transition  you move away from them , maybe you are moving away from their expectations, but you know you you have to move away from a circumstance and existence that painfully put you down . The possibilities for getting this misunderstood are overwhelming. Strange thing is I just down play my Femme  side when I go home for the weekend to see her. The fact that I have to work away during week is saving my sanity , it gives me the solitude to Myself , but the hidden cost may be in not spending real time in a relationship.Transitioning is by definition a secretive behaviour , but when your hair gets lovely and long and you smile more and you want to live a real life .. I am happy looking in a mirror when Donna looks back and smiles. It seems I have been through a few cycles already only to find I go through to another , maybe this is the one . This is what its like to be a transgendered. I dont need or want to be controlled at this time  , just let this happen and why not enjoy it  rather than fear it .   I really am not sure what the outcome of the weekend will be and I am apprehensive. In my own way I am ready , as raedy As I will ever be . ..Another day Time to get ready for work . 
    Aug 30, 2013 747
  • 08 Feb 2016
    In hospital, suspected stroke ruled out so tomorrow they are going to throw darts at a board to see what's wrong with me. No serious problems and I have the machine that goes PING in my room.
    600 Posted by wendy larsen
  • In hospital, suspected stroke ruled out so tomorrow they are going to throw darts at a board to see what's wrong with me. No serious problems and I have the machine that goes PING in my room.
    Feb 08, 2016 600
  • 12 Apr 2012
    2012.04.11   First of all, I wish I could have had the energy to scribble up a blog sooner rather than making you all wait! It was such a fantastic experience and I really wanted to share it with you, my sisters, right away. And I guess without further Ado:   Lately, I've taken some big steps forward. About a couple weeks ago, I went to a costume party that ended up being my first outting en femme. Last week, I set foot inside the Pride Center at school (after circling the Student Union about 3 times). Over the weekend, I decided to come to school en femme. I proceeded from there to plan out how I would do it. There were some flaws... I could have been caught the way I planned things...   I rolled out of bed about 11:00am to start getting ready. I went through my de-furring, shaving every little bothersome hair. I went at my nostrils with a nose hair shavery thing. I shaved, making sure to get especially close around my chin and throat. Then, as my aftershave balm took effect: I wrapped myself in my cincher (to get that lovely hourglass... at least as best I could), I pulled on my hip/butt piece, and put my bra on. Then it was time for the outfit. I wore my new purple/blue blouse, some khaki colored capris and flats. Though, to keep myself from being spotted as I went out the door, I put an ugly gray sweater on and kept my forms in a bag for now. The only other thing I left the house with was a layer of foundation.   I was nervous, creeping out of my room and down the stairs. Quickly, I grabbed my keys and made for the door. Thoughts raced through my mind, what if my sister came rolling up to the house and saw me in capris and with foundation on? Or if my brother happened down the stairs at the self same moment I had?   I made it to the car, undetected. It seemed not a soul had come out to see the day. I pulled out and headed to school. I left my stomach unfilled, too afraid to go through a drivethrough with the foundation on my face.   Eventually, I pulled into a parking place at school. Carefully, and quickly, I slipped my forms into my bra under the sweater. Then I tugged the sweater off and ducked down to put on my wig cap and my redhead wig. Once I was secure, I sat up, unafraid to be detected in the car as I prepared myself to be seen in daylight, in public. I shifted over to the passenger seat to take advantage of the little visor mirror. I combed through my wig with my fingers until I was at last satisfied and began on my makeup. I spent maybe 30 minutes making sure the makeup was as perfect as I could get it.   Then the moment of truth came. I took a deep breath and opened the door. I slid out and spun around to face into the car while I gathered and rearranged things. After playing with my hair for a few more minutes I pushed myself onward. I put my purse on my shoulder and heaved out the bag with my manclothes in it (I had work later and would have to change at the end of the day). I shoved the door closed and left the safety of the car, of being hid behind other cars in the parkinglot. I held onto my shouldered purse with my right hand while I carried the manbag to the side as if bringing it to school for a dumb brother or boyfriend who'd forgotten something. And with that, I walked out toward the school.   As I walked toward the Student Union, I peeked at people from under my hair. I noticed a few guys' eyes followed me. It made me raise my chin a little higher and sweep some of my hair back so more of my face could be seen. To keep myself stong, I kept saying boots, boots, boots. I know it sounds odd, but it's become my mantra of courage (when I first got my girlboots, I felt like I could take on the world and kick anyone's ass who messed with me). So, with my mantra driving me on and a couple of admiring stares I began to strut a little. By the time I made it into the SU and to the Pride Center, I was completely calm.   I was met with surprised faces. Surprised at the new face, I'm sure. I said, "Hi, I'm Tara." They welcomed me with open arms and pulled me to the couch to play games with them. I played several games and talked with people. Even though they didn't share my struggle, they wanted to know about it and wanted to know about me. Things began to wind down as the group got ready to go upstairs for the self-defense course. I'd not intended to go, but they were closing up the Center since everyone was going upstairs. It made me a little sad and afraid, because it was go or be on my own in the SU. But before they went upstairs, I met another transwoman. We got to talking and I decided to go up and join them for the self-defense course.   It was fun, learning some basic self-defense and getting to beat up on some poor guy in a padded suit (though I guess it wasn't too poor, since he couldn't feel us beating on him). Afterward, we travelled back down... I chatted with my fellow transgirl. I learned that she was the only one in the club/center until now, she was excited to have another in the club/center, and she's going on hrt soon. I also learned a little bit about the services offered to students at our school. Things might just be getting easier for this girl! Soon though, the time came for me to go. I left the Center and went to the Unisex bathroom to change.   After changing, I went back to the pride center, a little paranoid about having not removed all my makeup. When I entered I got a bunch of faces like "who's this new person?" one of them even told me he was about to say, "sorry, we're closing up for the day." Then I spread out my arms and said, "I'm Tara." As everything came together in their minds I placed my hands on my hips. They were astounded.   I got all sorts of comments and compliments. Several of them said, "Tara, you pass." They even commented me on how well I presented myself as a girl. They didn't believe that I had never been on hormones or anything. It made me so happy I almost broke down and cried right there. I started spouting about how much I loved the group, about how just being there for 3 days, they'd made me feel so accepted and loved. Unfortunately, we had to part for the day, but I escorted my new trans friend to her car. We discussed a lot of things about plans for our futures and the trans community and feminism.   I climbed back into the car, my spirit soaring. I was so happy the rest of the day. I blabbed about it to my confidant at work. His gayness was as giddy as I was! After work I met up with friends who I was out to and we went and celebrated this step.   Lately, everyone's been asking me questions about different aspects of transition and asking me for preferred pronouns and calling me Tara! It makes me so happy, I've nearly cried a couple times through writing this. This has been a big, necessary step... and one that has brought me so much joy!   I don't think I could have ever gotten nearly this far without the encouragement of my friends locally, and you girls here. Even those of you who might not ever talk to me... I see your posts--the pictures, the status updates, the blogs... All of you are so brave and so beautiful and wonderful. Seeing your courage, and how you don't give up despite what's thrown in your way encourages me every day to be who I am.   I love you all! Mwah!
    1339 Posted by Tara Wallace
  • 2012.04.11   First of all, I wish I could have had the energy to scribble up a blog sooner rather than making you all wait! It was such a fantastic experience and I really wanted to share it with you, my sisters, right away. And I guess without further Ado:   Lately, I've taken some big steps forward. About a couple weeks ago, I went to a costume party that ended up being my first outting en femme. Last week, I set foot inside the Pride Center at school (after circling the Student Union about 3 times). Over the weekend, I decided to come to school en femme. I proceeded from there to plan out how I would do it. There were some flaws... I could have been caught the way I planned things...   I rolled out of bed about 11:00am to start getting ready. I went through my de-furring, shaving every little bothersome hair. I went at my nostrils with a nose hair shavery thing. I shaved, making sure to get especially close around my chin and throat. Then, as my aftershave balm took effect: I wrapped myself in my cincher (to get that lovely hourglass... at least as best I could), I pulled on my hip/butt piece, and put my bra on. Then it was time for the outfit. I wore my new purple/blue blouse, some khaki colored capris and flats. Though, to keep myself from being spotted as I went out the door, I put an ugly gray sweater on and kept my forms in a bag for now. The only other thing I left the house with was a layer of foundation.   I was nervous, creeping out of my room and down the stairs. Quickly, I grabbed my keys and made for the door. Thoughts raced through my mind, what if my sister came rolling up to the house and saw me in capris and with foundation on? Or if my brother happened down the stairs at the self same moment I had?   I made it to the car, undetected. It seemed not a soul had come out to see the day. I pulled out and headed to school. I left my stomach unfilled, too afraid to go through a drivethrough with the foundation on my face.   Eventually, I pulled into a parking place at school. Carefully, and quickly, I slipped my forms into my bra under the sweater. Then I tugged the sweater off and ducked down to put on my wig cap and my redhead wig. Once I was secure, I sat up, unafraid to be detected in the car as I prepared myself to be seen in daylight, in public. I shifted over to the passenger seat to take advantage of the little visor mirror. I combed through my wig with my fingers until I was at last satisfied and began on my makeup. I spent maybe 30 minutes making sure the makeup was as perfect as I could get it.   Then the moment of truth came. I took a deep breath and opened the door. I slid out and spun around to face into the car while I gathered and rearranged things. After playing with my hair for a few more minutes I pushed myself onward. I put my purse on my shoulder and heaved out the bag with my manclothes in it (I had work later and would have to change at the end of the day). I shoved the door closed and left the safety of the car, of being hid behind other cars in the parkinglot. I held onto my shouldered purse with my right hand while I carried the manbag to the side as if bringing it to school for a dumb brother or boyfriend who'd forgotten something. And with that, I walked out toward the school.   As I walked toward the Student Union, I peeked at people from under my hair. I noticed a few guys' eyes followed me. It made me raise my chin a little higher and sweep some of my hair back so more of my face could be seen. To keep myself stong, I kept saying boots, boots, boots. I know it sounds odd, but it's become my mantra of courage (when I first got my girlboots, I felt like I could take on the world and kick anyone's ass who messed with me). So, with my mantra driving me on and a couple of admiring stares I began to strut a little. By the time I made it into the SU and to the Pride Center, I was completely calm.   I was met with surprised faces. Surprised at the new face, I'm sure. I said, "Hi, I'm Tara." They welcomed me with open arms and pulled me to the couch to play games with them. I played several games and talked with people. Even though they didn't share my struggle, they wanted to know about it and wanted to know about me. Things began to wind down as the group got ready to go upstairs for the self-defense course. I'd not intended to go, but they were closing up the Center since everyone was going upstairs. It made me a little sad and afraid, because it was go or be on my own in the SU. But before they went upstairs, I met another transwoman. We got to talking and I decided to go up and join them for the self-defense course.   It was fun, learning some basic self-defense and getting to beat up on some poor guy in a padded suit (though I guess it wasn't too poor, since he couldn't feel us beating on him). Afterward, we travelled back down... I chatted with my fellow transgirl. I learned that she was the only one in the club/center until now, she was excited to have another in the club/center, and she's going on hrt soon. I also learned a little bit about the services offered to students at our school. Things might just be getting easier for this girl! Soon though, the time came for me to go. I left the Center and went to the Unisex bathroom to change.   After changing, I went back to the pride center, a little paranoid about having not removed all my makeup. When I entered I got a bunch of faces like "who's this new person?" one of them even told me he was about to say, "sorry, we're closing up for the day." Then I spread out my arms and said, "I'm Tara." As everything came together in their minds I placed my hands on my hips. They were astounded.   I got all sorts of comments and compliments. Several of them said, "Tara, you pass." They even commented me on how well I presented myself as a girl. They didn't believe that I had never been on hormones or anything. It made me so happy I almost broke down and cried right there. I started spouting about how much I loved the group, about how just being there for 3 days, they'd made me feel so accepted and loved. Unfortunately, we had to part for the day, but I escorted my new trans friend to her car. We discussed a lot of things about plans for our futures and the trans community and feminism.   I climbed back into the car, my spirit soaring. I was so happy the rest of the day. I blabbed about it to my confidant at work. His gayness was as giddy as I was! After work I met up with friends who I was out to and we went and celebrated this step.   Lately, everyone's been asking me questions about different aspects of transition and asking me for preferred pronouns and calling me Tara! It makes me so happy, I've nearly cried a couple times through writing this. This has been a big, necessary step... and one that has brought me so much joy!   I don't think I could have ever gotten nearly this far without the encouragement of my friends locally, and you girls here. Even those of you who might not ever talk to me... I see your posts--the pictures, the status updates, the blogs... All of you are so brave and so beautiful and wonderful. Seeing your courage, and how you don't give up despite what's thrown in your way encourages me every day to be who I am.   I love you all! Mwah!
    Apr 12, 2012 1339