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  • 14 Apr 2012
    Mom and Dad,        I am writing this letter to let you know something about me which may also explain certain things, I am using a letter rather than talking to you face to face as I think it would be a lot better for myself and yourselves given the situation.      For many years now, as far back as I can remember I have had a huge struggle within, I have tried to deal with this problem on my own but I feel I can no longer carry on in the same manner as it is getting worse. The last two weeks especially have been really hard, mood swings and sleepless nights don't even scratch the surface of what I have been going through, my first thought and possibly yours would be that I am worrying about my work situation but I believe this is not the case.      The struggle within that I am talking about is my belief that I was never supposed to be born male but actually female, my first memory of this was when I was about 8, I remember I used to sit in the closet at the bottom of the stairs and try on your shoes mom. But as I got older and started to realise that this wasn't normal it just started to tear me apart inside, questioning my sexuality numerous times, wondering if it was a fetish, feeling embarrassed and ashamed, scared of you or anybody finding out and what might be the consequences if that happened. So I kept it to myself and carried on through the years, trying to ignore this craving I had to look how I felt inside but I just couldn't. In my late teens I started experimenting with make-up and more clothes but all I could see in the mirror looking back at me was a male wearing what he should not be wearing and I just felt absolutely disgusted and hated myself...I hated the body I was born with, I hated myself for doing something that felt so wrong but also I hated the fact that I could never look like the woman I felt I should be. Alone and full of hate, confusion and fears I had no where to turn and I could not see me ever being happy.      The years came and went, my situation and feelings unchanged were starting to take their toll on my mind, I broke down, became sick with depression, stress and anxiety as you know. This was put down to work, money and ill health but I felt that they were not the main culprit, I desperately wanted to tell my doctor and/or therapist but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, the fear of losing you both, my friends and my job was just too great. I always thought if I could not be happy and cope with this on my own then how could I possibly cope if I lost everything that was good in my life.      During my time sick I started to experiment some more, I got better with make-up and clothes to the point that I actually started to have some belief that I might be able to look like I feel, that was why I spent so much time in my bedroom over those 3 and half months, it made me so happy to see ME looking back. Then of course being worried about me you walked into my bedroom dad and caught me, I know I didn't answer any of your questions at the time, I couldn't as I just froze with fear and shame and then when you slammed my door shut I thought my life was over, that I had upset you, made you angry. My fears... I felt as though they were coming true but I couldn't just leave it like that I had to talk to you both, I believe now that I didn't do enough talking and I should have told you both then what I am telling you now, your reactions comforted me and that would have been the ideal time to come out to you but I didn't and therefore my fears have risen again.      I hope you will both come and talk to me after you have read this, I want us to be open about all of this and I promise I will try and answer any questions you will probably have. If you wish that I seek help I will do that also I just want you to know that I couldn't ask for any better parents and the last thing I want is to hurt you both and make you ill, I love you so much! And I'm sorry...  
    2926 Posted by Tracey Millington
  • Mom and Dad,        I am writing this letter to let you know something about me which may also explain certain things, I am using a letter rather than talking to you face to face as I think it would be a lot better for myself and yourselves given the situation.      For many years now, as far back as I can remember I have had a huge struggle within, I have tried to deal with this problem on my own but I feel I can no longer carry on in the same manner as it is getting worse. The last two weeks especially have been really hard, mood swings and sleepless nights don't even scratch the surface of what I have been going through, my first thought and possibly yours would be that I am worrying about my work situation but I believe this is not the case.      The struggle within that I am talking about is my belief that I was never supposed to be born male but actually female, my first memory of this was when I was about 8, I remember I used to sit in the closet at the bottom of the stairs and try on your shoes mom. But as I got older and started to realise that this wasn't normal it just started to tear me apart inside, questioning my sexuality numerous times, wondering if it was a fetish, feeling embarrassed and ashamed, scared of you or anybody finding out and what might be the consequences if that happened. So I kept it to myself and carried on through the years, trying to ignore this craving I had to look how I felt inside but I just couldn't. In my late teens I started experimenting with make-up and more clothes but all I could see in the mirror looking back at me was a male wearing what he should not be wearing and I just felt absolutely disgusted and hated myself...I hated the body I was born with, I hated myself for doing something that felt so wrong but also I hated the fact that I could never look like the woman I felt I should be. Alone and full of hate, confusion and fears I had no where to turn and I could not see me ever being happy.      The years came and went, my situation and feelings unchanged were starting to take their toll on my mind, I broke down, became sick with depression, stress and anxiety as you know. This was put down to work, money and ill health but I felt that they were not the main culprit, I desperately wanted to tell my doctor and/or therapist but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, the fear of losing you both, my friends and my job was just too great. I always thought if I could not be happy and cope with this on my own then how could I possibly cope if I lost everything that was good in my life.      During my time sick I started to experiment some more, I got better with make-up and clothes to the point that I actually started to have some belief that I might be able to look like I feel, that was why I spent so much time in my bedroom over those 3 and half months, it made me so happy to see ME looking back. Then of course being worried about me you walked into my bedroom dad and caught me, I know I didn't answer any of your questions at the time, I couldn't as I just froze with fear and shame and then when you slammed my door shut I thought my life was over, that I had upset you, made you angry. My fears... I felt as though they were coming true but I couldn't just leave it like that I had to talk to you both, I believe now that I didn't do enough talking and I should have told you both then what I am telling you now, your reactions comforted me and that would have been the ideal time to come out to you but I didn't and therefore my fears have risen again.      I hope you will both come and talk to me after you have read this, I want us to be open about all of this and I promise I will try and answer any questions you will probably have. If you wish that I seek help I will do that also I just want you to know that I couldn't ask for any better parents and the last thing I want is to hurt you both and make you ill, I love you so much! And I'm sorry...  
    Apr 14, 2012 2926
  • 05 Oct 2011
    Have you noticed?  Our site has been getting slower and slower over the last few weeks so we took the decision to move to a bigger, better, faster server with more RAM.  The transfer took around ten minutes during which time the site was down but I did take the precaution of posting notices warning everyone there would be a ten minute outage, several hours before it actually took place.All sites like ours have to keep on top of their page load times and often a server upgrade is the only way forward.  Following the transfer, our page load times have improved dramatically (average page load time is now about 4 seconds and out http://gendersociety.com/invite page loads in 2.69 seconds).  That's blisteringly fast so I'm very pleased that we moved.  I am working hard to keep us ahead of the game.However, I was a bit upset to hear that a number of our members dissed me when they heard we would be moving.  For the user we were talking about a few minutes of downtime to make the site much more useable but apparently several people just said something like, "What, another server move?  We just had one in March. What a bunch of wazzocks!"So, sorry for the inconvenience but it was for the best.  We are extremely poor and cannot afford to make decisions like this lightly.  So when improvements like this are made, please be assured that they have been thought through and that they are for the best.Hugs, Katie   x
    1936 Posted by Katie Glover
  • Have you noticed?  Our site has been getting slower and slower over the last few weeks so we took the decision to move to a bigger, better, faster server with more RAM.  The transfer took around ten minutes during which time the site was down but I did take the precaution of posting notices warning everyone there would be a ten minute outage, several hours before it actually took place.All sites like ours have to keep on top of their page load times and often a server upgrade is the only way forward.  Following the transfer, our page load times have improved dramatically (average page load time is now about 4 seconds and out http://gendersociety.com/invite page loads in 2.69 seconds).  That's blisteringly fast so I'm very pleased that we moved.  I am working hard to keep us ahead of the game.However, I was a bit upset to hear that a number of our members dissed me when they heard we would be moving.  For the user we were talking about a few minutes of downtime to make the site much more useable but apparently several people just said something like, "What, another server move?  We just had one in March. What a bunch of wazzocks!"So, sorry for the inconvenience but it was for the best.  We are extremely poor and cannot afford to make decisions like this lightly.  So when improvements like this are made, please be assured that they have been thought through and that they are for the best.Hugs, Katie   x
    Oct 05, 2011 1936
  • 23 Sep 2016
    Sex
    Did the headline catch your attention? Good, it was supposed to. This entry is going to be about the evolution of my sexuality since beginning my transion. This one won't be as raunchy as the last time I wrote about my blooming sexuality, but I can't promise it will be completely PG. I'll try to keep it at least PG13. In my old life I identified as a straight male. I never once even considered the idea of being with a guy because I never found any attractive. I often fantasized about being the receiver but I never imagined it would be with a male. When I entertained the day dream of being ****** I always imagined a woman with a strap on. I didn't think I was gay for this, I just thought it was a kink. I have several kinks, some stranger than others, but I will not talk about them here. If you are truely interested in that, search Devi_Disaster on Fetlife. Things went on this way for years, typical boy - girl hetero sex with some occasional bdsm to keep things interesting. A couple years before coming out as a transgirl I began questioning my gender and sexuality. During this time I didn't date much and wasn't really looking for a relationship. I've never really been a fan of one-night-stands and I was so sick of failed relationships with crazy women that it was easier on my sanity to just be single until someone very very special came along. One of the very few encounters I had durring this time was with a friend of mine who was a beautiful trans Chica. Though she is of Mexican decent I call her Chica as more of a pet name than a slur. Since meeting her she facinated me, what I admired most about her was her courage to live her life her own way. She didn't desire to be on hormones or have any surgeries, she didn't care if she passed, she was a true case of a fully female brain in a male body. In her own words, she was already pretty and already confident in her femininity, she didn't need anything artificial to confirm these things. As a side note, I expect she was a case of XXY chromosomes, for never being on hormones she was very feminine, nice figure, pretty face, smaller than average penis. I think she was simply born with a body that produced an excess of estrogen. Anyway, meeting her kind of opened my eyes to a confidence and courage I lacked. This realization made me even more confused. It was always my deep dark secret that I wished to be a girl, but I thought it could never be. I didn't realize I AM a girl until after a bout of deep depression and denial of my inner femme. Durring this period of denial and depression I got back in touch with one of my exs. My first girlfriend, first love, first kiss, first date, first sexual experience, first everything when I was 14. We kinda stayed in touch over the years through the Internet but when I was in my denial we started sleeping together again. She bloomed into a very gorgeous woman since we split as kids, a true bomb shell now. I thought sleeping with her would help solidify my manhood but it didn't, it only made me realize I couldn't keep my deep dark secret in anymore. Boy - girl sex just wasn't fun anymore if I had to be the boy. Shortly after my fling with her I came out as trans and started my transition. This gave me a reset for all of my likes, dislikes, turn ons, turn offs and everything else. I used my transition as an opportunity to reprogram everything about myself I didn't like, but it didn't happen overnight. After coming out I went without sex for over a year, by my own choice. I didn't want to get into a relationship or date or even have a casual encounter until I was sure of what I liked. Over the course of that year something strange happened, I started to be attracted to boys! I met a ton of people, some of them transgirls, some of them gender fluid or gender queer, some drag queens and some androgenous girly boys. I realized that what's in the pants didn't really concern me. I think part of the reason for this was that I was trying my hardest to assert that I am a woman!, despite my current genitals. So if I want the world to see me as no different than any other girl just because I still have a penis, then I should see other girls like me as being no different than any other girl. I started to find personalities more attractive than faces and bodies. My attractions were starting to be more genuine than simple lust. I began to realize that I had many options for potential partners but I still wasn't quite sure what to label my orientation yet. I went through phases of feeling strictly lesbian, feeling pansexual, feeling bisexual with no preference and feeling bisexual with a preference. For a few very dark weeks I even felt like a straight guy again. (Last Christmas was very depressing for me and I had a full relapse into who I used to be, I might write about that another time but let's just say with the state of mind I was in I definately was not myself). Anyway, fast forward again to last February. I was out clubbing one night at my favorite local goth night when I met a person named Pandora. I didn't think much of her at the time because we didn't talk much the night we met. I couldn't tell what her gender was but I knew she was pretty. I kinda wrote her off as just another club goer that I might or might not run into again, until the next day when she found me online. She told me how much she wanted to get to know me but was too shy for her own good. We started chating and it turns out she was another transgender girl like myself who was barley out of the closet. Like me she went through her phase of being a closet cross dresser and never really left the house en femme until that night I met her. We texted, chatted, called and skyped each other every day until we decided to go on a formal date. Before that date I already knew she was special. Funny enough our first date was at a singles event the night club hosts in the middle of February called The Broken Hearts Ball. If you show up single or stage an amusing break up at the door you get in free. Anyway, we had a great time! We drank and we danced, we talked, we went for a stroll around downtown, I even took her to a secluded stair way in a parking garage where I got on my knees and lifted her skirt and well I think you can tell where this is going. Sucking dick in an alley or a parking garage or something was another one of my kinky fantasies. Am I ashamed? Not at all. Am I a dirty freak, absolutely. Pandora and I have been together for 7 or 8 months now, she moved in with me about 4 or 5 months ago and I've never been happier. She has the purest heart and the kindest soul of anyone I've ever met. She makes me feel so girly, so femme, so right, and so happy. I laugh with her more than I've ever laughed with anyone else and I've learned so much about myself I didn't know. Early on in our relationship I gave her my virginity and I loved it! Well, by virginity I mean I bottomed for her for the first time. My first virginity was the boy - girl kind when I was the boy, my second virginity was being the girl and receiving it. My third and final virginity I can't give up until I have my vagina installed. These days I don't have much interest in topping. It doesn't make me feel like a woman and I don't get off that way anymore. An anal orgasm feels soooo much better and much more like a female orgasm than ejaculating. So what is my orientation now? I consider myself a bisexual woman. I'm attracted to femininity and feminine people. I prefer cis women and trans woman but occasionally find myself swooning over pretty androgenous boys. I still top once in a while but would much rather bottom. I no longer enjoy ejaculating and would much rather be ejaculated in. I'm happier now with my relationship and sex life than I've ever been with anyone else and if I would have known how good sex could be I would have been doing it differently all along. If this post was TMI, well, I'm surprised you've read it this far. I write these things for me because it's therapeutic for me and I hope it somehow helps someone come to terms with any similar issues they might be having. I hope some of you have enjoyed reading this. .... Ps. I named the bear Suzy.
    781 Posted by Devi Strigoica
  • Sex
    Did the headline catch your attention? Good, it was supposed to. This entry is going to be about the evolution of my sexuality since beginning my transion. This one won't be as raunchy as the last time I wrote about my blooming sexuality, but I can't promise it will be completely PG. I'll try to keep it at least PG13. In my old life I identified as a straight male. I never once even considered the idea of being with a guy because I never found any attractive. I often fantasized about being the receiver but I never imagined it would be with a male. When I entertained the day dream of being ****** I always imagined a woman with a strap on. I didn't think I was gay for this, I just thought it was a kink. I have several kinks, some stranger than others, but I will not talk about them here. If you are truely interested in that, search Devi_Disaster on Fetlife. Things went on this way for years, typical boy - girl hetero sex with some occasional bdsm to keep things interesting. A couple years before coming out as a transgirl I began questioning my gender and sexuality. During this time I didn't date much and wasn't really looking for a relationship. I've never really been a fan of one-night-stands and I was so sick of failed relationships with crazy women that it was easier on my sanity to just be single until someone very very special came along. One of the very few encounters I had durring this time was with a friend of mine who was a beautiful trans Chica. Though she is of Mexican decent I call her Chica as more of a pet name than a slur. Since meeting her she facinated me, what I admired most about her was her courage to live her life her own way. She didn't desire to be on hormones or have any surgeries, she didn't care if she passed, she was a true case of a fully female brain in a male body. In her own words, she was already pretty and already confident in her femininity, she didn't need anything artificial to confirm these things. As a side note, I expect she was a case of XXY chromosomes, for never being on hormones she was very feminine, nice figure, pretty face, smaller than average penis. I think she was simply born with a body that produced an excess of estrogen. Anyway, meeting her kind of opened my eyes to a confidence and courage I lacked. This realization made me even more confused. It was always my deep dark secret that I wished to be a girl, but I thought it could never be. I didn't realize I AM a girl until after a bout of deep depression and denial of my inner femme. Durring this period of denial and depression I got back in touch with one of my exs. My first girlfriend, first love, first kiss, first date, first sexual experience, first everything when I was 14. We kinda stayed in touch over the years through the Internet but when I was in my denial we started sleeping together again. She bloomed into a very gorgeous woman since we split as kids, a true bomb shell now. I thought sleeping with her would help solidify my manhood but it didn't, it only made me realize I couldn't keep my deep dark secret in anymore. Boy - girl sex just wasn't fun anymore if I had to be the boy. Shortly after my fling with her I came out as trans and started my transition. This gave me a reset for all of my likes, dislikes, turn ons, turn offs and everything else. I used my transition as an opportunity to reprogram everything about myself I didn't like, but it didn't happen overnight. After coming out I went without sex for over a year, by my own choice. I didn't want to get into a relationship or date or even have a casual encounter until I was sure of what I liked. Over the course of that year something strange happened, I started to be attracted to boys! I met a ton of people, some of them transgirls, some of them gender fluid or gender queer, some drag queens and some androgenous girly boys. I realized that what's in the pants didn't really concern me. I think part of the reason for this was that I was trying my hardest to assert that I am a woman!, despite my current genitals. So if I want the world to see me as no different than any other girl just because I still have a penis, then I should see other girls like me as being no different than any other girl. I started to find personalities more attractive than faces and bodies. My attractions were starting to be more genuine than simple lust. I began to realize that I had many options for potential partners but I still wasn't quite sure what to label my orientation yet. I went through phases of feeling strictly lesbian, feeling pansexual, feeling bisexual with no preference and feeling bisexual with a preference. For a few very dark weeks I even felt like a straight guy again. (Last Christmas was very depressing for me and I had a full relapse into who I used to be, I might write about that another time but let's just say with the state of mind I was in I definately was not myself). Anyway, fast forward again to last February. I was out clubbing one night at my favorite local goth night when I met a person named Pandora. I didn't think much of her at the time because we didn't talk much the night we met. I couldn't tell what her gender was but I knew she was pretty. I kinda wrote her off as just another club goer that I might or might not run into again, until the next day when she found me online. She told me how much she wanted to get to know me but was too shy for her own good. We started chating and it turns out she was another transgender girl like myself who was barley out of the closet. Like me she went through her phase of being a closet cross dresser and never really left the house en femme until that night I met her. We texted, chatted, called and skyped each other every day until we decided to go on a formal date. Before that date I already knew she was special. Funny enough our first date was at a singles event the night club hosts in the middle of February called The Broken Hearts Ball. If you show up single or stage an amusing break up at the door you get in free. Anyway, we had a great time! We drank and we danced, we talked, we went for a stroll around downtown, I even took her to a secluded stair way in a parking garage where I got on my knees and lifted her skirt and well I think you can tell where this is going. Sucking dick in an alley or a parking garage or something was another one of my kinky fantasies. Am I ashamed? Not at all. Am I a dirty freak, absolutely. Pandora and I have been together for 7 or 8 months now, she moved in with me about 4 or 5 months ago and I've never been happier. She has the purest heart and the kindest soul of anyone I've ever met. She makes me feel so girly, so femme, so right, and so happy. I laugh with her more than I've ever laughed with anyone else and I've learned so much about myself I didn't know. Early on in our relationship I gave her my virginity and I loved it! Well, by virginity I mean I bottomed for her for the first time. My first virginity was the boy - girl kind when I was the boy, my second virginity was being the girl and receiving it. My third and final virginity I can't give up until I have my vagina installed. These days I don't have much interest in topping. It doesn't make me feel like a woman and I don't get off that way anymore. An anal orgasm feels soooo much better and much more like a female orgasm than ejaculating. So what is my orientation now? I consider myself a bisexual woman. I'm attracted to femininity and feminine people. I prefer cis women and trans woman but occasionally find myself swooning over pretty androgenous boys. I still top once in a while but would much rather bottom. I no longer enjoy ejaculating and would much rather be ejaculated in. I'm happier now with my relationship and sex life than I've ever been with anyone else and if I would have known how good sex could be I would have been doing it differently all along. If this post was TMI, well, I'm surprised you've read it this far. I write these things for me because it's therapeutic for me and I hope it somehow helps someone come to terms with any similar issues they might be having. I hope some of you have enjoyed reading this. .... Ps. I named the bear Suzy.
    Sep 23, 2016 781
  • 21 Jun 2013
    Well there goes my job out the window. This is like one big long horrible nightmare. Every time I begin feeling good about myself something terrible happens that knocks me back to square one. I wish that I could either sleep untill this whole thing is no longer a nightmare or wake up from the nightmare. Either one would be nice.
    663 Posted by Lorelei S.
  • Well there goes my job out the window. This is like one big long horrible nightmare. Every time I begin feeling good about myself something terrible happens that knocks me back to square one. I wish that I could either sleep untill this whole thing is no longer a nightmare or wake up from the nightmare. Either one would be nice.
    Jun 21, 2013 663
  • 25 Apr 2011
    A few months ago i decided to try herbal hormones. i wanted to see if there were any improvements i could make, whilst waiting for a referal to see the gender Identity clinic, to my body and lifestyle. i wanted to grow breasts and soften my skin. i thought i would, in moderation, try some well known herbal supplements. An experiment that at the first sign of trouble i would stop. i ordered fenugreek, red clover and saw palmetto online, a three month supply that i hoped would begin to help me in my quest for femininity. i began to take them, 2 tablets three times daily of each, along with Evening primrose oil to aid my skin condition. i suffer from Psoriasis so i figure this will help as well. The first month was fine. No reactions and my skin began to feel softer and shaving became easier. the second month i felt my chest soften and slowly start to rounden, under my nipples and around the chest, shaving was now much easier, the hairs coming away quickly, i was also becoming slightly more emotional as well. i began to take things to heart and found myself struggling to contain tears in instances my male self would shrug off. whether these conditions are related i cant say for sure but i began to feel different for sure.  I was surprised! the effects were subtle but definite. I'm now in the tenth week and i can say for sure my chest is now fuller and rounder. A top i wear every so often, that without a padded bra was lose, now felt stretched across my chest and under my arms, My work t shirts feel tighter and my waist has shrunk two sizes. My joy was immense as i can wear a lovely french connection skirt i had long abandoned some 8 years ago but kept in vain hope that i could once again be a size twelve ;).  My chest feels heavier and i have a small cleavage without bra. my legs feel smoother and i swear my hips and bottom have become fuller. my love handles have almost disappeared and with a balanced diet i have lost nearly two stone or 28 pounds. I feel different both physically and mentally. the only downside i have is extra sensitivity around my chest and my nipples have also changed. they look larger and are sensitive to the touch, sometimes painfully so. I will continue these supplements and hope i gain even more positive results. i am due a blood test soon so i hope that everything is fine. for those who wish to try the herbal way, please check any side effects and dont take if you are diabetic. As i say i am happy with the results and i hope to enjoy the benefits for a while yet.   Faye. x
    2015 Posted by Faye Morrow
  • A few months ago i decided to try herbal hormones. i wanted to see if there were any improvements i could make, whilst waiting for a referal to see the gender Identity clinic, to my body and lifestyle. i wanted to grow breasts and soften my skin. i thought i would, in moderation, try some well known herbal supplements. An experiment that at the first sign of trouble i would stop. i ordered fenugreek, red clover and saw palmetto online, a three month supply that i hoped would begin to help me in my quest for femininity. i began to take them, 2 tablets three times daily of each, along with Evening primrose oil to aid my skin condition. i suffer from Psoriasis so i figure this will help as well. The first month was fine. No reactions and my skin began to feel softer and shaving became easier. the second month i felt my chest soften and slowly start to rounden, under my nipples and around the chest, shaving was now much easier, the hairs coming away quickly, i was also becoming slightly more emotional as well. i began to take things to heart and found myself struggling to contain tears in instances my male self would shrug off. whether these conditions are related i cant say for sure but i began to feel different for sure.  I was surprised! the effects were subtle but definite. I'm now in the tenth week and i can say for sure my chest is now fuller and rounder. A top i wear every so often, that without a padded bra was lose, now felt stretched across my chest and under my arms, My work t shirts feel tighter and my waist has shrunk two sizes. My joy was immense as i can wear a lovely french connection skirt i had long abandoned some 8 years ago but kept in vain hope that i could once again be a size twelve ;).  My chest feels heavier and i have a small cleavage without bra. my legs feel smoother and i swear my hips and bottom have become fuller. my love handles have almost disappeared and with a balanced diet i have lost nearly two stone or 28 pounds. I feel different both physically and mentally. the only downside i have is extra sensitivity around my chest and my nipples have also changed. they look larger and are sensitive to the touch, sometimes painfully so. I will continue these supplements and hope i gain even more positive results. i am due a blood test soon so i hope that everything is fine. for those who wish to try the herbal way, please check any side effects and dont take if you are diabetic. As i say i am happy with the results and i hope to enjoy the benefits for a while yet.   Faye. x
    Apr 25, 2011 2015
  • 28 Aug 2015
    I was just curious if anyone else ever did this and if they don't maybe this would be helpful advice. (Although some may see it as harmful I don't know). I like to play simulation games a lot like the sims and play as a male. This helps me feel a little bit better even though sooner or later I do have to stop playing and face reality that I'm still in a girl's body. I just feel like this is a good outlet for me though and wondered if anyone did the same. There was a time that I pretended said I was a male on an online game and it turned out to be a disaster, unfortunately. I was only 12 (maybe 13) at the time and told my some people online I was male that I talked to a lot. One day, it finally came out that I was a girl and one of the girls I was talking to had feelings for me so she got really upset.. (Turns out she was lying about her age anyway). Lesson learned pretty much heh. From now on I make sure if I'm online I let people know ahead of time about myself. Not sure why I told this part of the story, just rambling/venting I guess.
    656 Posted by Kris McKinley
  • I was just curious if anyone else ever did this and if they don't maybe this would be helpful advice. (Although some may see it as harmful I don't know). I like to play simulation games a lot like the sims and play as a male. This helps me feel a little bit better even though sooner or later I do have to stop playing and face reality that I'm still in a girl's body. I just feel like this is a good outlet for me though and wondered if anyone did the same. There was a time that I pretended said I was a male on an online game and it turned out to be a disaster, unfortunately. I was only 12 (maybe 13) at the time and told my some people online I was male that I talked to a lot. One day, it finally came out that I was a girl and one of the girls I was talking to had feelings for me so she got really upset.. (Turns out she was lying about her age anyway). Lesson learned pretty much heh. From now on I make sure if I'm online I let people know ahead of time about myself. Not sure why I told this part of the story, just rambling/venting I guess.
    Aug 28, 2015 656
  • 18 Sep 2015
    THey  saiy  all  good things comes  to  and  end  one way  or another and for  me I  feel that way  .  Its  no  secrit  that  Im not  pleased  beeing  here anymore and with  good  reasion .Many  of the friends  that  I  made  here all the way  as  far  back of  2008  are  no  longer  here  anymore. over  the  summer  months  I started  to think about why  am I  still  here and whats  in it  for  me? I know  some will  say  "Support"  Yeah for a  long time  that was  why  but more and  more  the  "Support  " feeling  is  gone and  I dont  feel it  here  anymore and  to  be  honest   I  can get that  from "Facebook" from eather  of  my  2  accounts . I will  miss  blogging  here  but  there  was a  time  long ago that I was  very  againts blogging .  When i wrote  blogs  it was  not  for anyone  here  but  for  myself because  I like  write  when I felt the  need to . Any one that  knows  me  personly knows  I  speek  from the  heart and  that  I dont  candy coat  my  feeling  or  anything  I do . they will tell you "This  how  it  is  "  and  its  true . I oftan feel  like  an outsider and  it  has  nothing to  do with this site  mostly  because  of  how  life  has  treated  me  and  its a  reflection of  my  own health issues . Since  I  joined  here  in 2008  my  life  has  changed and  in a  few ways  . Some  for the  good but not the  better  and  in other ways  worse . Thoes  who  know  me here  well  can tell you that me  beeing a  CD has  not  been easy and  has  been one  challenge  after another .So  like  an old    westurn movie   I will  just   ride away  into the sunset !                                                                                The      End .    
    697 Posted by Karen Tea
  • THey  saiy  all  good things comes  to  and  end  one way  or another and for  me I  feel that way  .  Its  no  secrit  that  Im not  pleased  beeing  here anymore and with  good  reasion .Many  of the friends  that  I  made  here all the way  as  far  back of  2008  are  no  longer  here  anymore. over  the  summer  months  I started  to think about why  am I  still  here and whats  in it  for  me? I know  some will  say  "Support"  Yeah for a  long time  that was  why  but more and  more  the  "Support  " feeling  is  gone and  I dont  feel it  here  anymore and  to  be  honest   I  can get that  from "Facebook" from eather  of  my  2  accounts . I will  miss  blogging  here  but  there  was a  time  long ago that I was  very  againts blogging .  When i wrote  blogs  it was  not  for anyone  here  but  for  myself because  I like  write  when I felt the  need to . Any one that  knows  me  personly knows  I  speek  from the  heart and  that  I dont  candy coat  my  feeling  or  anything  I do . they will tell you "This  how  it  is  "  and  its  true . I oftan feel  like  an outsider and  it  has  nothing to  do with this site  mostly  because  of  how  life  has  treated  me  and  its a  reflection of  my  own health issues . Since  I  joined  here  in 2008  my  life  has  changed and  in a  few ways  . Some  for the  good but not the  better  and  in other ways  worse . Thoes  who  know  me here  well  can tell you that me  beeing a  CD has  not  been easy and  has  been one  challenge  after another .So  like  an old    westurn movie   I will  just   ride away  into the sunset !                                                                                The      End .    
    Sep 18, 2015 697
  • 08 Sep 2012
    My marriage has reached the end of the road.  My gender issues have presented an insurmountable obstacle which we cannot get through.  It isn't fair to force my wife to be a lesbian when she isn't.  She is going to give me time to save up some money and move out on my own.  I have now made my pain her pain and ruined her dreams of growing old together.  I couldn't dream of anything but my own selfish desire to be female.  Yes it seems so selfish to me and always has had.  What person would give up a wife and family that he loves dearly to chase after a far fetched dream?  I have to think that that person is mentally ill.  That person is me.  I could try to suppress or ignore being trans for a while just to get some more time together, but I would be lying again. The funny thing is my wife asked me in 2003 to choose between this fantasy or her.  She then said I don't want to be the fool who gets strung along for ten years and then you change your mind. I picked her.  It has now almost been ten years.  I couldn't accept that I was trangendered then I didn't want to believe it.  Just a crossdresser right?  Right.  Liar.  Being honest is the hard part because we lead a life of dishonesty with and about ourself.  That naturally translates to being dishonest about these issues to avoid the truth of them.  The pain and hurt that I have caused her is horrible.  Now we will have to tell my beautiful boys what is going on with daddy.  I get to look them in the eye and tell them that I want to be a woman.  I am not looking forward to that moment.  So I have told my truth and now I will get to pay the price for it along with the rest of my family, extended family, friends and co-workers.  Who would choose such a life?  I guess I did.  I need help and support during this traumatic time of unknown length.  Thanks  K
    1114 Posted by Karen Moore
  • My marriage has reached the end of the road.  My gender issues have presented an insurmountable obstacle which we cannot get through.  It isn't fair to force my wife to be a lesbian when she isn't.  She is going to give me time to save up some money and move out on my own.  I have now made my pain her pain and ruined her dreams of growing old together.  I couldn't dream of anything but my own selfish desire to be female.  Yes it seems so selfish to me and always has had.  What person would give up a wife and family that he loves dearly to chase after a far fetched dream?  I have to think that that person is mentally ill.  That person is me.  I could try to suppress or ignore being trans for a while just to get some more time together, but I would be lying again. The funny thing is my wife asked me in 2003 to choose between this fantasy or her.  She then said I don't want to be the fool who gets strung along for ten years and then you change your mind. I picked her.  It has now almost been ten years.  I couldn't accept that I was trangendered then I didn't want to believe it.  Just a crossdresser right?  Right.  Liar.  Being honest is the hard part because we lead a life of dishonesty with and about ourself.  That naturally translates to being dishonest about these issues to avoid the truth of them.  The pain and hurt that I have caused her is horrible.  Now we will have to tell my beautiful boys what is going on with daddy.  I get to look them in the eye and tell them that I want to be a woman.  I am not looking forward to that moment.  So I have told my truth and now I will get to pay the price for it along with the rest of my family, extended family, friends and co-workers.  Who would choose such a life?  I guess I did.  I need help and support during this traumatic time of unknown length.  Thanks  K
    Sep 08, 2012 1114
  • 30 Sep 2013
    We all have decisions to make every day. Some easier than others. But I've been presented with one that I'm just not quite sure what to do about it!   First, a bit of background .............. I've been living in Dublin, Ireland, for a number of years now, and began my transition there, and about 5 years ago, went "full-time", along with my 'mones. So, everyone there knows me in both "personnas", having seen the changes in my life, and I've always been quite open to anyone who spoke to me about my journey, so my "being out" has never been a question to me. A few years ago, my health took a turn for the worse (heart attack/surgery, liver problems), so I was forced to stop the hormone treatment, and accept that I'd never be able to complete my journey, as, with all my health problems, I'd not get a surgeon to take me on. (see Blog entry "Life in Limbo"). Since I also had to give up fulltime work, I had the opportunity to "choose" where I wanted to live, and as I'd always loved the sea-side, I got a house in a little sea-side town in Northern Ireland, with great views, and a lovely "village" community feeling to the place. Of course, to my new community, I was exactly who I said I was, and they knew nothing of my past "gender history". While it's quite possible, if not actually likely, that some, if not all, guessed that I might not be a GG, no-one actually has ever asked me, and, thankfully, I've always been treated with friendship and respect. Of course there are a few people that I have been open with, and they, also, have been brilliant with it! One of those has been every girl's "confessor" ................ the hairdresser!!!!   lol.   And this brings me to the reason for the title here ....................   Recently, she decided to look for bigger and better premises ....... she needs more space to extend her spa/beauty treatments side of the business, and, by chance, a large gents hairdressers just on the edge of the village had closed, and offered all the space and ease of conversion that she needed to transfer her business to it's premises. So, after much work going into it, she's just about ready to open, and get her "new" business up and running. As I said, she and her staff all know my "little secret" (how wouldn't they, with the amount of work they have to do to me !!! ??  lol ), and they thought, with the particular circumstances of the "change of gender" of the new premises, it might be quite good for someone who has "changed gender" to perform the official opening for them  ....... so they've invited ME to do it !!!   It's lovely that they thought of it, and, to be honest, I'd love to do it, as it appeals to my rather "odd" sense of humour, but, the question I have to decide on is, OK .............. whilst the people in the village, and surrounding area may well have guessed, they've never actually known that I'm TG, and do I really want to take the chance of, possibly, spoiling a beautiful, restful life in the village, by announcing to one and all that I am, indeed, TG? It, hopefully, wouldn't make any difference, but .................. am I willing to take that risk ??   Oh .................. decisions, decisions, decisions !!!        !!   Angela.   x.
    1154 Posted by Angela Louise
  • We all have decisions to make every day. Some easier than others. But I've been presented with one that I'm just not quite sure what to do about it!   First, a bit of background .............. I've been living in Dublin, Ireland, for a number of years now, and began my transition there, and about 5 years ago, went "full-time", along with my 'mones. So, everyone there knows me in both "personnas", having seen the changes in my life, and I've always been quite open to anyone who spoke to me about my journey, so my "being out" has never been a question to me. A few years ago, my health took a turn for the worse (heart attack/surgery, liver problems), so I was forced to stop the hormone treatment, and accept that I'd never be able to complete my journey, as, with all my health problems, I'd not get a surgeon to take me on. (see Blog entry "Life in Limbo"). Since I also had to give up fulltime work, I had the opportunity to "choose" where I wanted to live, and as I'd always loved the sea-side, I got a house in a little sea-side town in Northern Ireland, with great views, and a lovely "village" community feeling to the place. Of course, to my new community, I was exactly who I said I was, and they knew nothing of my past "gender history". While it's quite possible, if not actually likely, that some, if not all, guessed that I might not be a GG, no-one actually has ever asked me, and, thankfully, I've always been treated with friendship and respect. Of course there are a few people that I have been open with, and they, also, have been brilliant with it! One of those has been every girl's "confessor" ................ the hairdresser!!!!   lol.   And this brings me to the reason for the title here ....................   Recently, she decided to look for bigger and better premises ....... she needs more space to extend her spa/beauty treatments side of the business, and, by chance, a large gents hairdressers just on the edge of the village had closed, and offered all the space and ease of conversion that she needed to transfer her business to it's premises. So, after much work going into it, she's just about ready to open, and get her "new" business up and running. As I said, she and her staff all know my "little secret" (how wouldn't they, with the amount of work they have to do to me !!! ??  lol ), and they thought, with the particular circumstances of the "change of gender" of the new premises, it might be quite good for someone who has "changed gender" to perform the official opening for them  ....... so they've invited ME to do it !!!   It's lovely that they thought of it, and, to be honest, I'd love to do it, as it appeals to my rather "odd" sense of humour, but, the question I have to decide on is, OK .............. whilst the people in the village, and surrounding area may well have guessed, they've never actually known that I'm TG, and do I really want to take the chance of, possibly, spoiling a beautiful, restful life in the village, by announcing to one and all that I am, indeed, TG? It, hopefully, wouldn't make any difference, but .................. am I willing to take that risk ??   Oh .................. decisions, decisions, decisions !!!        !!   Angela.   x.
    Sep 30, 2013 1154
  • 21 Apr 2013
    I believe I have mentioned that I finally stepped up and out by joining my local equality LGBT group.  This is huge in the sense those who talked behind my back will have to find someway else to entertain themselves.   Regardless of the outcome for all of them, I had to do what I had to do. Ironically I became involved in an in depth discussion with one of my long time friends who has stayed in the closet. (I do not begrudge him any of that.) All too quickly we jumped into one of my favorite soapbox topics: Stealth in the transgender culture. Here's how it started. I said I was completely surprised this group had no out transgender person, knowledge of our culture and almost no reference to it.     He said: "Okay, here ya go: (1) I believe that transition is about M to F or F to M paths, and if you chose to take that step you should know a little about the difficulty in getting to the end point. (2) I can see that some percentage of newly arrived F's and M's want to do something aligned with their attained gender and not risk that position by entering politics. That's their choice. On the other hand I don't have an issue with providing a little friendly support to someone on the journey, but I also disdain noisy in-your-face political activity completely."   The last reference was in response to my statement I was going to go to meetings and saying something about the lack of representation. Here is an abbreviated version of my response as I ignored the in-your-face comment:   "As far as the "going stealth" deal goes, I can see both sides of the story. Certainly we all know how incredibly difficult it is to switch genders and each is entitled to take their marbles and go home.  I do believe however that stealth is inherently wrong and will become unique to our generation. (Strictly speaking)  I attribute stealth to not risking yourself at all and it's the same as failing to cover another troop on the live BCT (basic training) range in the Army...but I know that is a bit dramatic. (We were both in the Army and I used it as a point of reference.)   You ask why I think the kids are doing it right? My latest big example was "Devon" on the Katie Couric Show.  I think in a couple of years she too will fade into the fiber of society to live as happily ever after as any of us can but she was totally stealth and still took a moment to come out and pay forward. I think the number of YouTube videos and the number of blogs are a sign of how these kids are building a better future for transgender people of the future. Their generation will change stealth to life on their terms and it just will fade away as a outmoded term. If you deal in semantics they will be going stealth and just living life on the same playing field as anyone else which is all we can ask for.   Now, let me point out of why getting surgery and going stealth didn't work for our generation. Did we indeed just jump from one closet to another? Yes! We did as all of the sudden we are waking up and realizing the transgender populace is the most legally discriminated minority in the country."   As the conversation moved on I used an example of an old mutual acquaintance from the mid 80's.  She went through SRS moved out West, married a man and became a very successful business person. Absolutely one of the most exuberant natural women I have ever met. Back to the chat:   "Susan" of course is the classic good transition example of a transsexual person we both know.  But now if she lived in Arizona and not in another state, all of the sudden she may have to produce a female birth certificate to even pee in a women's room.  If she was born here in Ohio she still can't get her birth cert changed by SRS. Was she mandated to make a statement? No. Should have she? Her call. I'm only using her as an example of my perceived epidemic generational transgender stealth problem.    The kids on the other hand, are realizing they better start screaming to get laws changed because no matter how good they look (Devon) a company can just up and fire them for being trans or can't even find a place to pee.   Before you accuse me of throwing huge rocks in glass houses,  I can rationalize my lack of action by saying I started late and didn't know how far I was going with this and then I get really torn by nights like last night. You know I have never felt I could go stealth no matter how hard I tried-but I could have been there last night. So now what do I do?   You are completely right to ask me why would I jeopardize all of that work over the years? The honest answer is at my age I'm in the home stretch of my life and I know due to very unpleasant circumstances in my life, I'm left with less to lose than others.    So bottom line, I should do some public work before I fade into whatever the next reality happens to be.  If I don't and there is another stopping point in eternity I would have to put transgender inaction in the loss column. My blog, Trans Ohio workshop and the Equality group are efforts to soften the defeat.  I will get back to you on the results!"   As you can tell, I flat out wore the "soap box" out!
    1667 Posted by Jessie Hart
  • I believe I have mentioned that I finally stepped up and out by joining my local equality LGBT group.  This is huge in the sense those who talked behind my back will have to find someway else to entertain themselves.   Regardless of the outcome for all of them, I had to do what I had to do. Ironically I became involved in an in depth discussion with one of my long time friends who has stayed in the closet. (I do not begrudge him any of that.) All too quickly we jumped into one of my favorite soapbox topics: Stealth in the transgender culture. Here's how it started. I said I was completely surprised this group had no out transgender person, knowledge of our culture and almost no reference to it.     He said: "Okay, here ya go: (1) I believe that transition is about M to F or F to M paths, and if you chose to take that step you should know a little about the difficulty in getting to the end point. (2) I can see that some percentage of newly arrived F's and M's want to do something aligned with their attained gender and not risk that position by entering politics. That's their choice. On the other hand I don't have an issue with providing a little friendly support to someone on the journey, but I also disdain noisy in-your-face political activity completely."   The last reference was in response to my statement I was going to go to meetings and saying something about the lack of representation. Here is an abbreviated version of my response as I ignored the in-your-face comment:   "As far as the "going stealth" deal goes, I can see both sides of the story. Certainly we all know how incredibly difficult it is to switch genders and each is entitled to take their marbles and go home.  I do believe however that stealth is inherently wrong and will become unique to our generation. (Strictly speaking)  I attribute stealth to not risking yourself at all and it's the same as failing to cover another troop on the live BCT (basic training) range in the Army...but I know that is a bit dramatic. (We were both in the Army and I used it as a point of reference.)   You ask why I think the kids are doing it right? My latest big example was "Devon" on the Katie Couric Show.  I think in a couple of years she too will fade into the fiber of society to live as happily ever after as any of us can but she was totally stealth and still took a moment to come out and pay forward. I think the number of YouTube videos and the number of blogs are a sign of how these kids are building a better future for transgender people of the future. Their generation will change stealth to life on their terms and it just will fade away as a outmoded term. If you deal in semantics they will be going stealth and just living life on the same playing field as anyone else which is all we can ask for.   Now, let me point out of why getting surgery and going stealth didn't work for our generation. Did we indeed just jump from one closet to another? Yes! We did as all of the sudden we are waking up and realizing the transgender populace is the most legally discriminated minority in the country."   As the conversation moved on I used an example of an old mutual acquaintance from the mid 80's.  She went through SRS moved out West, married a man and became a very successful business person. Absolutely one of the most exuberant natural women I have ever met. Back to the chat:   "Susan" of course is the classic good transition example of a transsexual person we both know.  But now if she lived in Arizona and not in another state, all of the sudden she may have to produce a female birth certificate to even pee in a women's room.  If she was born here in Ohio she still can't get her birth cert changed by SRS. Was she mandated to make a statement? No. Should have she? Her call. I'm only using her as an example of my perceived epidemic generational transgender stealth problem.    The kids on the other hand, are realizing they better start screaming to get laws changed because no matter how good they look (Devon) a company can just up and fire them for being trans or can't even find a place to pee.   Before you accuse me of throwing huge rocks in glass houses,  I can rationalize my lack of action by saying I started late and didn't know how far I was going with this and then I get really torn by nights like last night. You know I have never felt I could go stealth no matter how hard I tried-but I could have been there last night. So now what do I do?   You are completely right to ask me why would I jeopardize all of that work over the years? The honest answer is at my age I'm in the home stretch of my life and I know due to very unpleasant circumstances in my life, I'm left with less to lose than others.    So bottom line, I should do some public work before I fade into whatever the next reality happens to be.  If I don't and there is another stopping point in eternity I would have to put transgender inaction in the loss column. My blog, Trans Ohio workshop and the Equality group are efforts to soften the defeat.  I will get back to you on the results!"   As you can tell, I flat out wore the "soap box" out!
    Apr 21, 2013 1667