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  • 05 Oct 2011
    Another New Server, but hey, what's wrong with that?
    Have you noticed?  Our site has been getting slower and slower over the last few weeks so we took the decision to move to a bigger, better, faster server with more RAM.  The transfer took around ten minutes during which time the site was down but I did take the precaution of posting notices warning everyone there would be a ten minute outage, several hours before it actually took place.All sites like ours have to keep on top of their page load times and often a server upgrade is the only way forward.  Following the transfer, our page load times have improved dramatically (average page load time is now about 4 seconds and out http://gendersociety.com/invite page loads in 2.69 seconds).  That's blisteringly fast so I'm very pleased that we moved.  I am working hard to keep us ahead of the game.However, I was a bit upset to hear that a number of our members dissed me when they heard we would be moving.  For the user we were talking about a few minutes of downtime to make the site much more useable but apparently several people just said something like, "What, another server move?  We just had one in March. What a bunch of wazzocks!"So, sorry for the inconvenience but it was for the best.  We are extremely poor and cannot afford to make decisions like this lightly.  So when improvements like this are made, please be assured that they have been thought through and that they are for the best.Hugs, Katie   x
    2361 Posted by Katie Glover
  • By Katie Glover
    Another New Server, but hey, what's wrong with that?
    Have you noticed?  Our site has been getting slower and slower over the last few weeks so we took the decision to move to a bigger, better, faster server with more RAM.  The transfer took around ten minutes during which time the site was down but I did take the precaution of posting notices warning everyone there would be a ten minute outage, several hours before it actually took place.All sites like ours have to keep on top of their page load times and often a server upgrade is the only way forward.  Following the transfer, our page load times have improved dramatically (average page load time is now about 4 seconds and out http://gendersociety.com/invite page loads in 2.69 seconds).  That's blisteringly fast so I'm very pleased that we moved.  I am working hard to keep us ahead of the game.However, I was a bit upset to hear that a number of our members dissed me when they heard we would be moving.  For the user we were talking about a few minutes of downtime to make the site much more useable but apparently several people just said something like, "What, another server move?  We just had one in March. What a bunch of wazzocks!"So, sorry for the inconvenience but it was for the best.  We are extremely poor and cannot afford to make decisions like this lightly.  So when improvements like this are made, please be assured that they have been thought through and that they are for the best.Hugs, Katie   x
    Oct 05, 2011 2361
  • 25 Apr 2011
    The herbal way
    A few months ago i decided to try herbal hormones. i wanted to see if there were any improvements i could make, whilst waiting for a referal to see the gender Identity clinic, to my body and lifestyle. i wanted to grow breasts and soften my skin. i thought i would, in moderation, try some well known herbal supplements. An experiment that at the first sign of trouble i would stop. i ordered fenugreek, red clover and saw palmetto online, a three month supply that i hoped would begin to help me in my quest for femininity. i began to take them, 2 tablets three times daily of each, along with Evening primrose oil to aid my skin condition. i suffer from Psoriasis so i figure this will help as well. The first month was fine. No reactions and my skin began to feel softer and shaving became easier. the second month i felt my chest soften and slowly start to rounden, under my nipples and around the chest, shaving was now much easier, the hairs coming away quickly, i was also becoming slightly more emotional as well. i began to take things to heart and found myself struggling to contain tears in instances my male self would shrug off. whether these conditions are related i cant say for sure but i began to feel different for sure.  I was surprised! the effects were subtle but definite. I'm now in the tenth week and i can say for sure my chest is now fuller and rounder. A top i wear every so often, that without a padded bra was lose, now felt stretched across my chest and under my arms, My work t shirts feel tighter and my waist has shrunk two sizes. My joy was immense as i can wear a lovely french connection skirt i had long abandoned some 8 years ago but kept in vain hope that i could once again be a size twelve ;).  My chest feels heavier and i have a small cleavage without bra. my legs feel smoother and i swear my hips and bottom have become fuller. my love handles have almost disappeared and with a balanced diet i have lost nearly two stone or 28 pounds. I feel different both physically and mentally. the only downside i have is extra sensitivity around my chest and my nipples have also changed. they look larger and are sensitive to the touch, sometimes painfully so. I will continue these supplements and hope i gain even more positive results. i am due a blood test soon so i hope that everything is fine. for those who wish to try the herbal way, please check any side effects and dont take if you are diabetic. As i say i am happy with the results and i hope to enjoy the benefits for a while yet.   Faye. x
    2249 Posted by Faye Morrow
  • By Faye Morrow
    The herbal way
    A few months ago i decided to try herbal hormones. i wanted to see if there were any improvements i could make, whilst waiting for a referal to see the gender Identity clinic, to my body and lifestyle. i wanted to grow breasts and soften my skin. i thought i would, in moderation, try some well known herbal supplements. An experiment that at the first sign of trouble i would stop. i ordered fenugreek, red clover and saw palmetto online, a three month supply that i hoped would begin to help me in my quest for femininity. i began to take them, 2 tablets three times daily of each, along with Evening primrose oil to aid my skin condition. i suffer from Psoriasis so i figure this will help as well. The first month was fine. No reactions and my skin began to feel softer and shaving became easier. the second month i felt my chest soften and slowly start to rounden, under my nipples and around the chest, shaving was now much easier, the hairs coming away quickly, i was also becoming slightly more emotional as well. i began to take things to heart and found myself struggling to contain tears in instances my male self would shrug off. whether these conditions are related i cant say for sure but i began to feel different for sure.  I was surprised! the effects were subtle but definite. I'm now in the tenth week and i can say for sure my chest is now fuller and rounder. A top i wear every so often, that without a padded bra was lose, now felt stretched across my chest and under my arms, My work t shirts feel tighter and my waist has shrunk two sizes. My joy was immense as i can wear a lovely french connection skirt i had long abandoned some 8 years ago but kept in vain hope that i could once again be a size twelve ;).  My chest feels heavier and i have a small cleavage without bra. my legs feel smoother and i swear my hips and bottom have become fuller. my love handles have almost disappeared and with a balanced diet i have lost nearly two stone or 28 pounds. I feel different both physically and mentally. the only downside i have is extra sensitivity around my chest and my nipples have also changed. they look larger and are sensitive to the touch, sometimes painfully so. I will continue these supplements and hope i gain even more positive results. i am due a blood test soon so i hope that everything is fine. for those who wish to try the herbal way, please check any side effects and dont take if you are diabetic. As i say i am happy with the results and i hope to enjoy the benefits for a while yet.   Faye. x
    Apr 25, 2011 2249
  • 12 Mar 2015
    The houskeeper
    How to become the perfect housekeeper. On a lighter more jovial note, transistioning, getting married, suddenly realising that you had better start learning to cook really well or face having sex with your intended on a regular basis. Now that's female thinking.  Right now you're married, it's been a few weeks and the honeymoon is over. Out shopping with a sexually frustrated significant other - "Ooooooooh, look at that dress, I would feel soooo sexy in that!!!" "But it's £200" says the SO, to which you reply "AND"? You can see his brain coming alive in his trousers. Now this is where real talent comes in. Finally he says "Okay, I'll buy it for you."  You get the dress, But then you can't really wear it because you don't have  shoes that match.  Get the shoes.  Then he suggests, in for a penny, in for a pound, what about new undies to match NO!! don't get greedy.  Tell him you really appreciate the gesture but he has spent enough.  When you're home dig out a pair of old granny type knickers.  Don them, put on the dress and shoes and get taken out for a really romantic meal.  Get home and throw yourself on the bed.  He undresses you, sees the knickers and goes of to the spare room to sleep. See where it's leading?  Another day out for undies nighties, etc.  Another romantic night out and a few bottles of expensive anaesthetic. Now we have established a patterm - keeping him just short of enough cash and nooky, so that he can't afford to two time you.  Meanwhile putting into place an appearance of being the perfect housekeeper.  So when he finally finds someone who hasn't got the same expensive tastes as you and is desperate, he cheats, you divorce him and get to keep the house, lol.  (Housekeeper) Meanwhile there is that elligable fit looking guy who is making mega bucks in the city, who's giving you comfort shopping because of your cheating philandering, pathetic husband.  Now go back to the begining and push replay. Cristine Jennifer Shye**
    1159 Posted by Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL
  • By Cristine Jennifer Shye. BL
    The houskeeper
    How to become the perfect housekeeper. On a lighter more jovial note, transistioning, getting married, suddenly realising that you had better start learning to cook really well or face having sex with your intended on a regular basis. Now that's female thinking.  Right now you're married, it's been a few weeks and the honeymoon is over. Out shopping with a sexually frustrated significant other - "Ooooooooh, look at that dress, I would feel soooo sexy in that!!!" "But it's £200" says the SO, to which you reply "AND"? You can see his brain coming alive in his trousers. Now this is where real talent comes in. Finally he says "Okay, I'll buy it for you."  You get the dress, But then you can't really wear it because you don't have  shoes that match.  Get the shoes.  Then he suggests, in for a penny, in for a pound, what about new undies to match NO!! don't get greedy.  Tell him you really appreciate the gesture but he has spent enough.  When you're home dig out a pair of old granny type knickers.  Don them, put on the dress and shoes and get taken out for a really romantic meal.  Get home and throw yourself on the bed.  He undresses you, sees the knickers and goes of to the spare room to sleep. See where it's leading?  Another day out for undies nighties, etc.  Another romantic night out and a few bottles of expensive anaesthetic. Now we have established a patterm - keeping him just short of enough cash and nooky, so that he can't afford to two time you.  Meanwhile putting into place an appearance of being the perfect housekeeper.  So when he finally finds someone who hasn't got the same expensive tastes as you and is desperate, he cheats, you divorce him and get to keep the house, lol.  (Housekeeper) Meanwhile there is that elligable fit looking guy who is making mega bucks in the city, who's giving you comfort shopping because of your cheating philandering, pathetic husband.  Now go back to the begining and push replay. Cristine Jennifer Shye**
    Mar 12, 2015 1159
  • 02 Jul 2014
    OMG so excited!!
    hello ladies   its been a while, but ill keep this short (ish) lol   im now living pretty much 60% me!! only not at work but that is very soon about to change.   ive been liasing with HR at the company i work for. she is amazing, and seems almost as excited for me as i am!! she is genuinely interested, and caresthat i am happy. every time i see her, she asks how im doing, and if there is anything she can do. she has commented that in the 7 years ive worked there, she has never seen me so happy.   any way, i am officially getting a name change on tuesday nect week, (well, form filling at least). i cant wait to see my first bit of mail with my name on. ive also decided im not going to wait to start my RLE, ive actually set a date. they say life begins at 40, well, mine really will. no more pretending, i will be me!!   ive informed HR, and the rest of the bosses, and the last few days, ive been trying to talk to some of my collegues, some already knew some had no idea, but all have been extremely understanding, and accepting. i think it helps that i am confident in talking about it to others, there is no doubt in my mind this isnt  choice for me, that it is something that, no matter what, i have to do, which i try to put over to people.   i am extremely lucky in the sense that i always thought that north devon was a sheltered place, and was told by close friends that it would be hell doing this here, as there seams to be a lot of prejadice, but in actual fact, yes it is sheltered, but maybe that goes in its favour? every one is very accepting, easy going and kind, and i am certain of all the places i could go, while "changing" i am right at home, in the place i am meant to be. i am lucky, and blessed to be here.   so, the date. well, i have a weeks holiday booked frm the 13th september til the 21st, my b'day being on the 17th. i have told them at work, that martin will finish work on the friday, and will never be back, tho i will be returning to work on the 22nd. i know some will feel arkward, and some customers will avoid me, but it wont last long, that i am sure about. with my confidence, and wit, people will soon learn to accept me for who i am.   i am so so excited, its the beginning of the rest of my life. i know this is a long long road, but my journey has well and truely begun.    love to you all,   steph xxxx
    919 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • By Stephie Hughes
    OMG so excited!!
    hello ladies   its been a while, but ill keep this short (ish) lol   im now living pretty much 60% me!! only not at work but that is very soon about to change.   ive been liasing with HR at the company i work for. she is amazing, and seems almost as excited for me as i am!! she is genuinely interested, and caresthat i am happy. every time i see her, she asks how im doing, and if there is anything she can do. she has commented that in the 7 years ive worked there, she has never seen me so happy.   any way, i am officially getting a name change on tuesday nect week, (well, form filling at least). i cant wait to see my first bit of mail with my name on. ive also decided im not going to wait to start my RLE, ive actually set a date. they say life begins at 40, well, mine really will. no more pretending, i will be me!!   ive informed HR, and the rest of the bosses, and the last few days, ive been trying to talk to some of my collegues, some already knew some had no idea, but all have been extremely understanding, and accepting. i think it helps that i am confident in talking about it to others, there is no doubt in my mind this isnt  choice for me, that it is something that, no matter what, i have to do, which i try to put over to people.   i am extremely lucky in the sense that i always thought that north devon was a sheltered place, and was told by close friends that it would be hell doing this here, as there seams to be a lot of prejadice, but in actual fact, yes it is sheltered, but maybe that goes in its favour? every one is very accepting, easy going and kind, and i am certain of all the places i could go, while "changing" i am right at home, in the place i am meant to be. i am lucky, and blessed to be here.   so, the date. well, i have a weeks holiday booked frm the 13th september til the 21st, my b'day being on the 17th. i have told them at work, that martin will finish work on the friday, and will never be back, tho i will be returning to work on the 22nd. i know some will feel arkward, and some customers will avoid me, but it wont last long, that i am sure about. with my confidence, and wit, people will soon learn to accept me for who i am.   i am so so excited, its the beginning of the rest of my life. i know this is a long long road, but my journey has well and truely begun.    love to you all,   steph xxxx
    Jul 02, 2014 919
  • 08 Feb 2014
    Tricky but True,"kick back" to accepptance and understanding M
    Just had a an out pof the blue talk with my long term partner . Shes a medical professional. It was about my holding back and not telling her everything , .She is a bit of a control freak at times , and yes I let her be that way and oblige not putting up much of an oppposition. And Yes you guessed it and know it from some of my old entries over thh past years  , I put up the image ,stoic played the front , put myself second . did as i was told , tried to meet the expectation. etc . In the background the inner feelings and fears hidden.My greatest fear being rejected by my partner , as she has expressed her fear of me transitiong , a kind of fear that somehow I was being mis led .     In tha past maybe 2 years ago , she stormed out , but just today she did not , no crying . After the talk wjhich was kind of re-alignment of what was happening with me . we carried on . The status is that she had teh chance to express herself , and  say she wanted me to know that there might come a time when she just could not  take the situation of me transitioning and what she saw and felt about me.Also I get the chance to express that I accept this , . So you accept their right . so we can move on .   In a simple way I wanted to write now as it happens , that being Honest is really difficult , and there comes a time when you have to  be open and take the consequence. The alternative which both you and your partner [ and other s in your life] is that you just grind into self fear self doubt ..in the old stealth denial , "they never tell me anything" situation. so not really living a representative relationship or life. I am just doing House maintenance Chores right now ,whilst she goes shopping. . we both take a breather.Final word ..dont you just hate it when somebody says wouldnt it be easier if  ..knowing that means easier on the outside ..at the expense of the damage on the inside. Just one of those days in mid Transition,  Best wishes  to everyone   Donna 
    977 Posted by Donna V
  • By Donna V
    Tricky but True,"kick back" to accepptance and understanding M
    Just had a an out pof the blue talk with my long term partner . Shes a medical professional. It was about my holding back and not telling her everything , .She is a bit of a control freak at times , and yes I let her be that way and oblige not putting up much of an oppposition. And Yes you guessed it and know it from some of my old entries over thh past years  , I put up the image ,stoic played the front , put myself second . did as i was told , tried to meet the expectation. etc . In the background the inner feelings and fears hidden.My greatest fear being rejected by my partner , as she has expressed her fear of me transitiong , a kind of fear that somehow I was being mis led .     In tha past maybe 2 years ago , she stormed out , but just today she did not , no crying . After the talk wjhich was kind of re-alignment of what was happening with me . we carried on . The status is that she had teh chance to express herself , and  say she wanted me to know that there might come a time when she just could not  take the situation of me transitioning and what she saw and felt about me.Also I get the chance to express that I accept this , . So you accept their right . so we can move on .   In a simple way I wanted to write now as it happens , that being Honest is really difficult , and there comes a time when you have to  be open and take the consequence. The alternative which both you and your partner [ and other s in your life] is that you just grind into self fear self doubt ..in the old stealth denial , "they never tell me anything" situation. so not really living a representative relationship or life. I am just doing House maintenance Chores right now ,whilst she goes shopping. . we both take a breather.Final word ..dont you just hate it when somebody says wouldnt it be easier if  ..knowing that means easier on the outside ..at the expense of the damage on the inside. Just one of those days in mid Transition,  Best wishes  to everyone   Donna 
    Feb 08, 2014 977
  • 28 Jun 2013
    Reality , Dreams and Hope
    Hi everyone. I would like to say I have not forgotten any of you and am sorry I have not been contributing very much here as of late. Honestly, I have been so overwhelmed with reality and feelings I could not stop to express anything. Anxiety and depression are no joke and I really think so many of us girls and guys who are trans can allow this to tip the balance in creating a healthy life for ourselves. My father ,who I have relied upon, had a stroke a few months ago and the reality that I was all alone in this struggle and there was no calvary coming to the rescue hit me hard and created tons of anxiety that I can't even begin to describe. I've felt like I was in no position to talk much with anyone or help much with any matters relating to being trans since I have been feeling so trapped myself. I've had to go back to working as a house painter which is not ideal but I have to eat . I just wear gloves for everything now, I love my long nails too much. Thankfully I'm not pounding too many nails. Anyways.. my reality for now is I'm gender queer. At least that is how I feel. Sideways glances, boobs not too big not too small. As the little girl swinging on the swing said as I walked by "IS THAT A GIRL OR A MAN MOMMY?!!" But that is ok. I had a break through recently. I'm tired of crying. Tired of feeling uncomfortable in public. Tired of 1st impressions. I am ready for some sun in my life and healthy fun. I still have my dreams actually more so then ever. I'm on the road now. Not possible to turn back and not wanting to very often anyways. This new me is ok. There are still many paths yet to choose. I have hope  for continuing contentment. I love you all so much ! It is ok to be me!   http://vocaroo.com/i/s0OihTZ4Ees3    My latest song I'd like to share. If it gives a grain of enjoyment to anyone I'm happy.  xxx Jessica    
    1217 Posted by Jessica Nova
  • By Jessica Nova
    Reality , Dreams and Hope
    Hi everyone. I would like to say I have not forgotten any of you and am sorry I have not been contributing very much here as of late. Honestly, I have been so overwhelmed with reality and feelings I could not stop to express anything. Anxiety and depression are no joke and I really think so many of us girls and guys who are trans can allow this to tip the balance in creating a healthy life for ourselves. My father ,who I have relied upon, had a stroke a few months ago and the reality that I was all alone in this struggle and there was no calvary coming to the rescue hit me hard and created tons of anxiety that I can't even begin to describe. I've felt like I was in no position to talk much with anyone or help much with any matters relating to being trans since I have been feeling so trapped myself. I've had to go back to working as a house painter which is not ideal but I have to eat . I just wear gloves for everything now, I love my long nails too much. Thankfully I'm not pounding too many nails. Anyways.. my reality for now is I'm gender queer. At least that is how I feel. Sideways glances, boobs not too big not too small. As the little girl swinging on the swing said as I walked by "IS THAT A GIRL OR A MAN MOMMY?!!" But that is ok. I had a break through recently. I'm tired of crying. Tired of feeling uncomfortable in public. Tired of 1st impressions. I am ready for some sun in my life and healthy fun. I still have my dreams actually more so then ever. I'm on the road now. Not possible to turn back and not wanting to very often anyways. This new me is ok. There are still many paths yet to choose. I have hope  for continuing contentment. I love you all so much ! It is ok to be me!   http://vocaroo.com/i/s0OihTZ4Ees3    My latest song I'd like to share. If it gives a grain of enjoyment to anyone I'm happy.  xxx Jessica    
    Jun 28, 2013 1217
  • 11 Jun 2013
    Strangers
    It is not very often I come on to this site. I have  noticed for being one of the very few non chemically enhanced women on this site and having to deal with a love who changing even though there were things said to each other. I slowly stopped coming onto this site because no one really cares I have noticed this because I have posted a few blogs and rarely does any one message on them. It is sad that when some one is in pain that they are ignored because they are not like the rest of group.   I joined this for Lorelie I joined this to have some one to speak to when I'm hurting and unable to speak to her. But its hard to stay strong when no one is there for me. I have been the strong one for many years for my family I can't do it any more. If it was not for Lorelie I would have died doing some thing I promised to her to never do again. There are days I come home and I'm ignored I feel that longing for metal to caress flesh it makes me want to let the blood flow from so long of being the one who holds every one up.   As I write I feel that urge as tears stream down my face I can't help but want to either get scratched deep enough to let that pressure be released onto the floor. I won't be strong forever but the only one who will realise this is me...Maybe when it finally happens others will see my dead corpse  and ask why and my spirit will scream at them saying because I couldn't be strong forever.
    1031 Posted by Wolfy E
  • By Wolfy E
    Strangers
    It is not very often I come on to this site. I have  noticed for being one of the very few non chemically enhanced women on this site and having to deal with a love who changing even though there were things said to each other. I slowly stopped coming onto this site because no one really cares I have noticed this because I have posted a few blogs and rarely does any one message on them. It is sad that when some one is in pain that they are ignored because they are not like the rest of group.   I joined this for Lorelie I joined this to have some one to speak to when I'm hurting and unable to speak to her. But its hard to stay strong when no one is there for me. I have been the strong one for many years for my family I can't do it any more. If it was not for Lorelie I would have died doing some thing I promised to her to never do again. There are days I come home and I'm ignored I feel that longing for metal to caress flesh it makes me want to let the blood flow from so long of being the one who holds every one up.   As I write I feel that urge as tears stream down my face I can't help but want to either get scratched deep enough to let that pressure be released onto the floor. I won't be strong forever but the only one who will realise this is me...Maybe when it finally happens others will see my dead corpse  and ask why and my spirit will scream at them saying because I couldn't be strong forever.
    Jun 11, 2013 1031
  • 24 Feb 2013
    New frontiers and dreamlike states
    As i enter my third week on hormones i started wondering about the effects they would have on me and my life. Now i know that hormones affect you in many wonderous ways. They help develop the female body you craved since you knew the difference berween boys and girls. You will change body shape gradually. Now i am a realist but i also harbour a major fanatisist in my soul. I would dream of taking a pill and in a few days, poof. a pink princess (or red hee hee) would emerge. We know this is not the truth but, hey come on, its still free to dream right? i closed my eyes the first night and my dream hands went to that box marked. 'Future Me.' Blessed now with a fairly ample bosum, tiny waist and soft, rounded hips and pert backside, that would be the envy of any hollywood siren, would adorn my new form. My body so rediant in feminine glory and sparkle that any day a talent agent picks me to star in a perfume ad. alas the realist in me puts those dreams in the box marked 'future WAG.' Anyway back to the effects of hormones. So far, as expected, i have noticed not many miraculous changes but i have noticed one or two that have been both pleasant and naturally benifical. First change: My skin already feels different. it is becoming softer. I rub my arms together when i feel cold and the skin feels warmer and like it has a feathery sheen. i can't describe it. Also it seems to be more radiant. The light seems to catch and reflect on my skin in a way it just didn't before. My chest is becoming softer as well. no i am not talking 'wonder' breast growth but as i wear the bras i wore, say a month ago, the feeling i am actually "wearing" a bra grows. i add my small 'chest enhancers' and i can see and feel my chest coming together. A small cleavage i hadn't noticed before. Now i have been taking herbal supplements for roughly a year so i have already sown the seeds. The harvest in the next 2 years i hope will give me the b cup i think i will have. As a result of my skin softening, shaving is becoming so much easier. i shaved my legs the day i started the hormones. i let the hairs grow for 10 days and although i had no noticeable shortening of length when i applied the razor i had finished shaving both legs in a few minutes. (i didn't time it but no where near the amount of time i usually take especially the thighs and unmentionable areas. i wasn't that into conducting a scientific experiment.) the skin felt smooth and soft. no cuts no rash or burn as i had suffered on 'Moneday, (it was a tuesday but i like the name, not to be confused with moanday which is when you...you get the picture girls ;) okay!) and i could feel fabrics differently. Things feel different. Everyday things i wear suddenly feel, well i can only explain it as eating a normal chocolate bar blindfold and you feel the texture on your throat as you swallow. then you eat some belgian chocolate, velvety chocolate. lets say a lindor moment. you tell the difference right. well wearing soft fabric, light fabric, heavy fabric. my hands, sorry my fingertips are more sensitive to texture and things are tangible, like velvety cotton. not dull like a normal dairy milk say. maybe i over-emphasise. Useless metaphors/comparrisons aside. i am becoming more sensitive and i feel in balance more so than at anytime of my life. Next mission is professional and social development but lets take things steady here. This is the second change. How i feel. The very thing i have been waiting for all my life, it seems is finally becoming real. I like this so far. Softer skin and feeling like a new person. Happier and more confident. I know over the velvety hills and the lip gloss rivers lie a few more testing and rocky paths but i feel it a being a woman. I don't regard myself as a man anymore. I accept maybe i am paying too much attention to what is happening to me but without introspection how am i to saviour the journey and what it means to me? i used to dress LIKE a woman before. Now i dress AS one because i finally start to feel as a woman. Any physical changes are a lovely bonus.
    1414 Posted by Faye Morrow
  • By Faye Morrow
    New frontiers and dreamlike states
    As i enter my third week on hormones i started wondering about the effects they would have on me and my life. Now i know that hormones affect you in many wonderous ways. They help develop the female body you craved since you knew the difference berween boys and girls. You will change body shape gradually. Now i am a realist but i also harbour a major fanatisist in my soul. I would dream of taking a pill and in a few days, poof. a pink princess (or red hee hee) would emerge. We know this is not the truth but, hey come on, its still free to dream right? i closed my eyes the first night and my dream hands went to that box marked. 'Future Me.' Blessed now with a fairly ample bosum, tiny waist and soft, rounded hips and pert backside, that would be the envy of any hollywood siren, would adorn my new form. My body so rediant in feminine glory and sparkle that any day a talent agent picks me to star in a perfume ad. alas the realist in me puts those dreams in the box marked 'future WAG.' Anyway back to the effects of hormones. So far, as expected, i have noticed not many miraculous changes but i have noticed one or two that have been both pleasant and naturally benifical. First change: My skin already feels different. it is becoming softer. I rub my arms together when i feel cold and the skin feels warmer and like it has a feathery sheen. i can't describe it. Also it seems to be more radiant. The light seems to catch and reflect on my skin in a way it just didn't before. My chest is becoming softer as well. no i am not talking 'wonder' breast growth but as i wear the bras i wore, say a month ago, the feeling i am actually "wearing" a bra grows. i add my small 'chest enhancers' and i can see and feel my chest coming together. A small cleavage i hadn't noticed before. Now i have been taking herbal supplements for roughly a year so i have already sown the seeds. The harvest in the next 2 years i hope will give me the b cup i think i will have. As a result of my skin softening, shaving is becoming so much easier. i shaved my legs the day i started the hormones. i let the hairs grow for 10 days and although i had no noticeable shortening of length when i applied the razor i had finished shaving both legs in a few minutes. (i didn't time it but no where near the amount of time i usually take especially the thighs and unmentionable areas. i wasn't that into conducting a scientific experiment.) the skin felt smooth and soft. no cuts no rash or burn as i had suffered on 'Moneday, (it was a tuesday but i like the name, not to be confused with moanday which is when you...you get the picture girls ;) okay!) and i could feel fabrics differently. Things feel different. Everyday things i wear suddenly feel, well i can only explain it as eating a normal chocolate bar blindfold and you feel the texture on your throat as you swallow. then you eat some belgian chocolate, velvety chocolate. lets say a lindor moment. you tell the difference right. well wearing soft fabric, light fabric, heavy fabric. my hands, sorry my fingertips are more sensitive to texture and things are tangible, like velvety cotton. not dull like a normal dairy milk say. maybe i over-emphasise. Useless metaphors/comparrisons aside. i am becoming more sensitive and i feel in balance more so than at anytime of my life. Next mission is professional and social development but lets take things steady here. This is the second change. How i feel. The very thing i have been waiting for all my life, it seems is finally becoming real. I like this so far. Softer skin and feeling like a new person. Happier and more confident. I know over the velvety hills and the lip gloss rivers lie a few more testing and rocky paths but i feel it a being a woman. I don't regard myself as a man anymore. I accept maybe i am paying too much attention to what is happening to me but without introspection how am i to saviour the journey and what it means to me? i used to dress LIKE a woman before. Now i dress AS one because i finally start to feel as a woman. Any physical changes are a lovely bonus.
    Feb 24, 2013 1414
  • 11 May 2012
    the "Elastic band" effect
    I kind of need to write this new blog as a "Cathartic" excercise, to share what ive been going through the last couple of months, for as they say..writing it down can be a form of therapy (not that i need that right?) Dont get me wrong..im not going through any emotional drama..in fact its the lack opf emotion that i find confusing..and i have come up with my own little theory which i liken to an elastic band..more about that later..if you have the patience to read on A quick summary of my story so far! Been dressing as far back as i can remember around aged 5. had the (familiar to some) peaks and troughs with my dressing and many many purges. tried to overcompensate by doing all the macho stuff. got married hid my secret for 12 years of marriage..and would have still been doing so if my wife hadnt discovered some "evidence" last year. i was then forced to sit down and "spill" everything. Much to my everlasting relief..she didnt kick me out..dont get me wrong, there were many many tears and shouting sessions, but instead of ostracising me, she chose the path of trying to understand instead. In fact i took the opportunity to try and understand it myself (id never really thought about it as anything other than a fetish). and so i joined this site (Among others) to try and make some sense of it all.     And so at this point, after forty odd years of keeping it all hidden, i was suddenly choosing clothes with my partners approval and discussing the whole scenario about my feelings, wishes etc..my relationship with my wife grew more close during the last year than ever before..go figure.I was a completely different person, since i now carried no secrets and shared everything with my wife, i felt lighter happier and better emotionally (though i still didnt like her to see me as debs). during our initial discussions i told her of my desire to meet others like me, and long story short she okayed it , and i found myself on a plane to Milton Keynes to meet up with some of ther girls from here. i had one of the most memorable and enjoyable times of my life.since then ive had very little desire to dress. so heres where my elastic band theory comes in...   repressing my feelings/desires to dress was like pulling an elastic band back slowly over time..it grows tighter and tighter and has to reach breaking point at some time..   with the discovery of my "secret" the band released.. and i flung myself headlong into buying things talking about everything femme with my wife and booking a trip away..then going! so in 6 months i went from being in the closet with no one knowing..to standing in a nightclub with my new girlfriends all glammed up (even tho id never been out)..theres the elastic goin forward..way past the start point and in the other direction now!     so im about as "out" as i can be at this point (i've even told my best friend) and probably thinking that i will continue in this vein when.......it all goes away. nothing..nada...no desire to dress what so ever..i stopped visiting the chatroom here (where id been a regular fixture) because i didnt feel i could relate to any of the issues being discussed any more.i was an outsider and even felt like a fraud. i only popped in to catch up with some of the great friends id made just to touch base..but i wasnt dressing at all..i almost had another purge!   and so the elastic heads back to (and beyond) point zero back into male mode ..although im not hating it this time.,.its just how i feel   now dont get me wrong, i was never naieve enough to think that my desire to be debs had dissapeared..shes a big part of me and probably diametrically opposite to everything male about me (i mean emotionally not physically..thats a no brainer) and if im honest..i missed her..i missed letting her out (again this is not dressing...but emotionally speaking)   i spoke to my wife  at length and was guilty of projecting my feelings about it on to her..i told her i thought shed be secretly delighted that debs had gone away..but she disagreed and proceeded to tell me that Debs would be back, and that  she'd be fine when that happened..god i love her so much for just that conversation alone!   and already..the elastic moves forward again and i find myself thinking about fashion and make up again and wanting to be debs...but its not a burning desire (for now anyway)..   Ive no doubt ill be out again as debs this year, and as far as my elastic band theory is concerned, i think that it will settle down from going from one extreme to the other..to some kind of middle ground..at least thats what i hope!   meanwhile, ill continue to be around, maybe more sporadically than before, but you aint gettin rid of me!
    1365 Posted by Debbie Davies
  • By Debbie Davies
    the "Elastic band" effect
    I kind of need to write this new blog as a "Cathartic" excercise, to share what ive been going through the last couple of months, for as they say..writing it down can be a form of therapy (not that i need that right?) Dont get me wrong..im not going through any emotional drama..in fact its the lack opf emotion that i find confusing..and i have come up with my own little theory which i liken to an elastic band..more about that later..if you have the patience to read on A quick summary of my story so far! Been dressing as far back as i can remember around aged 5. had the (familiar to some) peaks and troughs with my dressing and many many purges. tried to overcompensate by doing all the macho stuff. got married hid my secret for 12 years of marriage..and would have still been doing so if my wife hadnt discovered some "evidence" last year. i was then forced to sit down and "spill" everything. Much to my everlasting relief..she didnt kick me out..dont get me wrong, there were many many tears and shouting sessions, but instead of ostracising me, she chose the path of trying to understand instead. In fact i took the opportunity to try and understand it myself (id never really thought about it as anything other than a fetish). and so i joined this site (Among others) to try and make some sense of it all.     And so at this point, after forty odd years of keeping it all hidden, i was suddenly choosing clothes with my partners approval and discussing the whole scenario about my feelings, wishes etc..my relationship with my wife grew more close during the last year than ever before..go figure.I was a completely different person, since i now carried no secrets and shared everything with my wife, i felt lighter happier and better emotionally (though i still didnt like her to see me as debs). during our initial discussions i told her of my desire to meet others like me, and long story short she okayed it , and i found myself on a plane to Milton Keynes to meet up with some of ther girls from here. i had one of the most memorable and enjoyable times of my life.since then ive had very little desire to dress. so heres where my elastic band theory comes in...   repressing my feelings/desires to dress was like pulling an elastic band back slowly over time..it grows tighter and tighter and has to reach breaking point at some time..   with the discovery of my "secret" the band released.. and i flung myself headlong into buying things talking about everything femme with my wife and booking a trip away..then going! so in 6 months i went from being in the closet with no one knowing..to standing in a nightclub with my new girlfriends all glammed up (even tho id never been out)..theres the elastic goin forward..way past the start point and in the other direction now!     so im about as "out" as i can be at this point (i've even told my best friend) and probably thinking that i will continue in this vein when.......it all goes away. nothing..nada...no desire to dress what so ever..i stopped visiting the chatroom here (where id been a regular fixture) because i didnt feel i could relate to any of the issues being discussed any more.i was an outsider and even felt like a fraud. i only popped in to catch up with some of the great friends id made just to touch base..but i wasnt dressing at all..i almost had another purge!   and so the elastic heads back to (and beyond) point zero back into male mode ..although im not hating it this time.,.its just how i feel   now dont get me wrong, i was never naieve enough to think that my desire to be debs had dissapeared..shes a big part of me and probably diametrically opposite to everything male about me (i mean emotionally not physically..thats a no brainer) and if im honest..i missed her..i missed letting her out (again this is not dressing...but emotionally speaking)   i spoke to my wife  at length and was guilty of projecting my feelings about it on to her..i told her i thought shed be secretly delighted that debs had gone away..but she disagreed and proceeded to tell me that Debs would be back, and that  she'd be fine when that happened..god i love her so much for just that conversation alone!   and already..the elastic moves forward again and i find myself thinking about fashion and make up again and wanting to be debs...but its not a burning desire (for now anyway)..   Ive no doubt ill be out again as debs this year, and as far as my elastic band theory is concerned, i think that it will settle down from going from one extreme to the other..to some kind of middle ground..at least thats what i hope!   meanwhile, ill continue to be around, maybe more sporadically than before, but you aint gettin rid of me!
    May 11, 2012 1365
  • 04 Mar 2012
    My best weekend ever
    This is my take on our girls weekend out in Milton Keynes arranged by Faye   For me the weekend started on thurs evening with packing, what to take what not to take? So i took way to much of everything. As i had booked for a make over at Style Me Quirky on the friday i packed two bags, one for friday, clothes for travelling back, two options ( i can never make my mind up what to wear) shoes, make up and loads of other stuff. The other bag was packed for saturday, even more shoes, 5 or 6 dresses, casual clothes, and way to much other stuff. Finally with everything packed it was off to bed to try to sleep, with the excitement building sleep eventually came in the early hours.   Friday morning arrives, the bags are put ih the car and im off. Driving to Milton Keynes so much goes through my mind. Will we all get on, what will the hotel and club be like, will i have the nerve to spend the whole weekend as Monique. Before i realise it I have arrived in Milton Keynes, way to early, its only 11.15. A quick check on the hotel location I decide to kill some time by going for a drive around. A quick trip up the road and i discover a shopping complex. So I decide to have a quick look around. First stop was TK Max, lots of cheap clothes but i dont have the nerve to look through the miles of rails as the shop is really busy. Next stop is Brantanos, here the problem is opposite, the shop is void of people and i feel very self concious walking around the womens shoes. I feel as though the sale assistants are watching me and laughing inside, im sure they are not but i decide to head out, im sure the young female assistant gave me a knowing smile as i head out the door. Back in the car i kick myself for being so stupid and realise that if i am going to enjoy this weekend i will need to be more confident, not a real strong point for me.   I decide to get something to eat as ive had no food since Thursday evening. Just around the corner i find a Burger King. A quick burger meal then i head to the hotel. I sit in the carpark reading the paper waiting for the girls to arrive. Again so much goes through my mind and im starting to feel really nervous about the whole weekend. I am bought back to reality by a text message from Debs, Faye has picked her up from the airport and they are on their way. A short time later i recognise a blue Saab as it pulls up in the car park, and nearly flattens a hedge.  I nervously get out of the car and walk over. The first thing that happens is a big hug from Debs, then a hug from Faye. We stand and chat for a short while and i can honestly say from that first hug my confidence is growing and my nerves seem to have gone. We check in to the hotel laughing and joking all the time, we all end  up in rooms next to one another, so we head upstairs to get settled before we head off to London.   We all meet outside the rooms. Faye has changed while me and Debs are still in drab mode. Faye is muttering something about not looking good, but i think she looks great. We head to the car park put mine and Debs bags in the car and we are off to London. The drive is pretty uneventfull, but the chat in the car is good and we have a good laugh on the journey. The more we chat and laugh the more relaxed and confident i feel about the weekend. We arrive in London park the car and make our way to the Styke Me Quirky studio.   We get to the studio and call Pops to say we have arrived, by this time i am doing a stupid dance as i am busting for a pee, of course the girls are sympathetic about this, NOT, but we have a laugh about it. I my case a little laugh as i dont want to wet myself literally. Pops and Kelly come down to meet us and i make a mad dash for the loo. I return to find everyone chatting and getting on like a house on fire so i just join in the chat while we have a smoke before going in for the make over. Seeing Pops again is like meeting an old friend and we chat like you would with someone you see everyday. We finish our cigs and head into the studio. For me personally this makeover was much easier than the first as i feel at ease with the Style Me Quirky crew even though ive never met Kelly before. I will not go into the make over now, but i will say it was a blast especially when Cathy arrived.  you need to read Debs blog about her make over.   We leave the studio around midnight and head to Pops house for a quick drink before we head back to Milton Keynes. We chat for a while about the day and have a good laugh. On a personal note while having a smoke in the garden with just Pops we have a personal chat, and as much as Pops has found a client who will return when possible i would also class Pops as a friend who cares. We all say our farewells throw the bags in the car and we head back to Milton Keynes.   Driving back we chat about the day so far and we all agree it has been a great day. The drive back was a lot quicker, mainly because lack of traffic but also down to my heavy right foot, thank god the sat nav pics up speed cameras. Debs and Faye have a bit of a snooze on the way back, i know because i can here the radio.............lol. I must admit i cannot stop smiling all the way back as i have had a great day with a couple of great girls. At this time i would honestly say i was flagging having had such a long day, but when we get close to the hotel it is decided we will go to PP's and it was the right decision.   to be continued  
    8691 Posted by monique aka *mini Mon* h
  • By monique aka *mini Mon* h
    My best weekend ever
    This is my take on our girls weekend out in Milton Keynes arranged by Faye   For me the weekend started on thurs evening with packing, what to take what not to take? So i took way to much of everything. As i had booked for a make over at Style Me Quirky on the friday i packed two bags, one for friday, clothes for travelling back, two options ( i can never make my mind up what to wear) shoes, make up and loads of other stuff. The other bag was packed for saturday, even more shoes, 5 or 6 dresses, casual clothes, and way to much other stuff. Finally with everything packed it was off to bed to try to sleep, with the excitement building sleep eventually came in the early hours.   Friday morning arrives, the bags are put ih the car and im off. Driving to Milton Keynes so much goes through my mind. Will we all get on, what will the hotel and club be like, will i have the nerve to spend the whole weekend as Monique. Before i realise it I have arrived in Milton Keynes, way to early, its only 11.15. A quick check on the hotel location I decide to kill some time by going for a drive around. A quick trip up the road and i discover a shopping complex. So I decide to have a quick look around. First stop was TK Max, lots of cheap clothes but i dont have the nerve to look through the miles of rails as the shop is really busy. Next stop is Brantanos, here the problem is opposite, the shop is void of people and i feel very self concious walking around the womens shoes. I feel as though the sale assistants are watching me and laughing inside, im sure they are not but i decide to head out, im sure the young female assistant gave me a knowing smile as i head out the door. Back in the car i kick myself for being so stupid and realise that if i am going to enjoy this weekend i will need to be more confident, not a real strong point for me.   I decide to get something to eat as ive had no food since Thursday evening. Just around the corner i find a Burger King. A quick burger meal then i head to the hotel. I sit in the carpark reading the paper waiting for the girls to arrive. Again so much goes through my mind and im starting to feel really nervous about the whole weekend. I am bought back to reality by a text message from Debs, Faye has picked her up from the airport and they are on their way. A short time later i recognise a blue Saab as it pulls up in the car park, and nearly flattens a hedge.  I nervously get out of the car and walk over. The first thing that happens is a big hug from Debs, then a hug from Faye. We stand and chat for a short while and i can honestly say from that first hug my confidence is growing and my nerves seem to have gone. We check in to the hotel laughing and joking all the time, we all end  up in rooms next to one another, so we head upstairs to get settled before we head off to London.   We all meet outside the rooms. Faye has changed while me and Debs are still in drab mode. Faye is muttering something about not looking good, but i think she looks great. We head to the car park put mine and Debs bags in the car and we are off to London. The drive is pretty uneventfull, but the chat in the car is good and we have a good laugh on the journey. The more we chat and laugh the more relaxed and confident i feel about the weekend. We arrive in London park the car and make our way to the Styke Me Quirky studio.   We get to the studio and call Pops to say we have arrived, by this time i am doing a stupid dance as i am busting for a pee, of course the girls are sympathetic about this, NOT, but we have a laugh about it. I my case a little laugh as i dont want to wet myself literally. Pops and Kelly come down to meet us and i make a mad dash for the loo. I return to find everyone chatting and getting on like a house on fire so i just join in the chat while we have a smoke before going in for the make over. Seeing Pops again is like meeting an old friend and we chat like you would with someone you see everyday. We finish our cigs and head into the studio. For me personally this makeover was much easier than the first as i feel at ease with the Style Me Quirky crew even though ive never met Kelly before. I will not go into the make over now, but i will say it was a blast especially when Cathy arrived.  you need to read Debs blog about her make over.   We leave the studio around midnight and head to Pops house for a quick drink before we head back to Milton Keynes. We chat for a while about the day and have a good laugh. On a personal note while having a smoke in the garden with just Pops we have a personal chat, and as much as Pops has found a client who will return when possible i would also class Pops as a friend who cares. We all say our farewells throw the bags in the car and we head back to Milton Keynes.   Driving back we chat about the day so far and we all agree it has been a great day. The drive back was a lot quicker, mainly because lack of traffic but also down to my heavy right foot, thank god the sat nav pics up speed cameras. Debs and Faye have a bit of a snooze on the way back, i know because i can here the radio.............lol. I must admit i cannot stop smiling all the way back as i have had a great day with a couple of great girls. At this time i would honestly say i was flagging having had such a long day, but when we get close to the hotel it is decided we will go to PP's and it was the right decision.   to be continued  
    Mar 04, 2012 8691