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  • 20 Nov 2013
    I  know  Some  of  you  here  on site are  "concerned"  about  me  and  I thank you all  very much .I  know some  of you  have  told  me or  comented  that  I should  not  trust this  person  . I  do  understand  its  because of  "Stories or  Rumors " you  all  heard  about thoes  who  where or  was  in search  of  someone  to  love  from  "Russia "  or  "Russian  Federation". theres  no  dout  some  of thoes  Stories or  Rumors are true but  I  beleave  in this  case  that  My  situation non of  it applies.  How  would you feel if  in another  country  nasty  stories and  rumors  where  said  about thoes  in your  country . I want  you All  to  put  yourselfs  in  my  GF  shoes  for a moment to try and  get a  feeling on this .  Just  because  thoes  of your  countrymen or  women  who  do thises  sort  of things  does this  mean you  are  like them ?  Does this  mean because you live there  you are  like them ?? No  everyone  is  differnt and this is  my  point . If  there was  no  shuch  thing as  internet  would you know about  such  "Scams "?? I  wanna  make  something  very  clear about this  "Russian Girl "  I  love .  She  has  not hid the  fact from me that thoes  "Rumors or Stories are  out here on the internet . I do  feel  sorry  for  her  because of what was  something simple to  her  ended  up  as a  nightmare.   As  members  here  we all  have  done this  here   "Confid" in outhers  eather in a  blogg  or  forum  and  yes  in the chatroom . We  dont expect that  person who  we confid in  to  cause so  much trouble for  us  that  it gets  internatioal  attention . So  because  my  gf  did this with  someone from another  country and  because this  person  did not get  what they  has  asked  for  from  her  . this  person thought  he  should  spread and  creat  a  web page saying he was  "Scammed " .  I  have  been givien  a  log  of  what was  said  between both  parties and  in  my  investigation this is what  i  found .  She  "My  gf " was  asking  for  friendship this  person from another country  thought  because  of this  he would  take  it  one  step  farther  and  ask for  "Nude " pictures  of  my  Gf.  When she refused  to send  him  any  picturs  he was  insulted.  Now  You  tell  me  was there any  evedence   of  money  beeing  "Extrated "  ..... NO !   So  tell  me  why would  you assume  she is a  scammer ? because of what  she did or  because you  all  assume  that  she  is because she   from  "Russia  "   ?  I  beleve in her .  Im not oftan wrong about someone and  I do  beleave she  needs  my  help to  end  this problem .  I  know some  of you   have said  not to  invest  anything  into this . Well I  have  to  ask this  do you  have  kids ?  most  of you will  say  "Yea " . OK  then  If  your child  wants  to  play  a  sport   Ie:    Hockey, football  or  baseball   do  you  say  NO  Im not  investing  money into it because I  dont  get the  money  back ?? You  do  it  because  you  love them and  beleave and  hope someday  they  make  it  to the  "Big leauges " . Well  I  have to  say Ive  invested in this  person and  I  may  or  may  not get this  money  back but money is  not everything  .  For the amout invested  the amout of a  life time  of  happyness  and  love  will  make this seem like  peanuts over and over again .
    599 Posted by Karen Tea
  • I  know  Some  of  you  here  on site are  "concerned"  about  me  and  I thank you all  very much .I  know some  of you  have  told  me or  comented  that  I should  not  trust this  person  . I  do  understand  its  because of  "Stories or  Rumors " you  all  heard  about thoes  who  where or  was  in search  of  someone  to  love  from  "Russia "  or  "Russian  Federation". theres  no  dout  some  of thoes  Stories or  Rumors are true but  I  beleave  in this  case  that  My  situation non of  it applies.  How  would you feel if  in another  country  nasty  stories and  rumors  where  said  about thoes  in your  country . I want  you All  to  put  yourselfs  in  my  GF  shoes  for a moment to try and  get a  feeling on this .  Just  because  thoes  of your  countrymen or  women  who  do thises  sort  of things  does this  mean you  are  like them ?  Does this  mean because you live there  you are  like them ?? No  everyone  is  differnt and this is  my  point . If  there was  no  shuch  thing as  internet  would you know about  such  "Scams "?? I  wanna  make  something  very  clear about this  "Russian Girl "  I  love .  She  has  not hid the  fact from me that thoes  "Rumors or Stories are  out here on the internet . I do  feel  sorry  for  her  because of what was  something simple to  her  ended  up  as a  nightmare.   As  members  here  we all  have  done this  here   "Confid" in outhers  eather in a  blogg  or  forum  and  yes  in the chatroom . We  dont expect that  person who  we confid in  to  cause so  much trouble for  us  that  it gets  internatioal  attention . So  because  my  gf  did this with  someone from another  country and  because this  person  did not get  what they  has  asked  for  from  her  . this  person thought  he  should  spread and  creat  a  web page saying he was  "Scammed " .  I  have  been givien  a  log  of  what was  said  between both  parties and  in  my  investigation this is what  i  found .  She  "My  gf " was  asking  for  friendship this  person from another country  thought  because  of this  he would  take  it  one  step  farther  and  ask for  "Nude " pictures  of  my  Gf.  When she refused  to send  him  any  picturs  he was  insulted.  Now  You  tell  me  was there any  evedence   of  money  beeing  "Extrated "  ..... NO !   So  tell  me  why would  you assume  she is a  scammer ? because of what  she did or  because you  all  assume  that  she  is because she   from  "Russia  "   ?  I  beleve in her .  Im not oftan wrong about someone and  I do  beleave she  needs  my  help to  end  this problem .  I  know some  of you   have said  not to  invest  anything  into this . Well I  have  to  ask this  do you  have  kids ?  most  of you will  say  "Yea " . OK  then  If  your child  wants  to  play  a  sport   Ie:    Hockey, football  or  baseball   do  you  say  NO  Im not  investing  money into it because I  dont  get the  money  back ?? You  do  it  because  you  love them and  beleave and  hope someday  they  make  it  to the  "Big leauges " . Well  I  have to  say Ive  invested in this  person and  I  may  or  may  not get this  money  back but money is  not everything  .  For the amout invested  the amout of a  life time  of  happyness  and  love  will  make this seem like  peanuts over and over again .
    Nov 20, 2013 599
  • 18 Feb 2016
    UK PASSPORTS: CHANGE OF NAME AND GENDER: Firstly, obtain your application form from your local Post Office; and, finally, do take it back when completed for them to check and send. This incurs an extra cost of about six or seven pounds; but, guarantees it is acceptable, ensuring there are no unneccessary delays.   The easy part is a new photograph of yourself, and a copy of your Deed of Change of Name. Under English and Welsh law you can call yourself whatever you want; and, indeed, several names all at the same time. I can never understand why the late Scottish General Medical Practitioner, Dr Donald Duck, did not change his. There are free sites available on the internet to facilitate your name change. There is no need to pay an intermediary (no matter what they may allege) to do it, as 'certified extra copies' are no more legal here than a photocopy of the original.   Not so easy is the new name and gender certification. It is, however, sufficient for your General Medical Practitioner to provide a short letter to accompany the other documentation. Frequently, they have no previous experience of Trans-genger individuals. It is therefore a good idea to show them the format that ' one of your friends' used successfully (here I thank the lovely Beckie for her advice).   PROPOSED GP LETTER:   [Address of Practice]   [Date]   To whom it may concern.   This is to confirm that my patient, previously known as [insert previous name], is currently undergoing genger reassignment; and, as part of this process, has changed their name, by Deed of Change of Name to [insert new name], and requests that their gender marker should be changed to [insert female or male]. This change is intended and expected to be permanent.   Your assistance in facilitating and making the relevant changes to your records; and, in preserving full confidentiality, will be appreciated.   Yours Faithfully,   Dr [insert doctor's name]    P.S.: For me, the really hard part was queuing at the Altrincham Post Office, completing the application form legibly, and keeping strictly and entirely within each box. I wrote (on the back of my hand) to remember to sign in my new chosen name, again completely within the box I await the new document with bated breath and eager anticipation.   
  • UK PASSPORTS: CHANGE OF NAME AND GENDER: Firstly, obtain your application form from your local Post Office; and, finally, do take it back when completed for them to check and send. This incurs an extra cost of about six or seven pounds; but, guarantees it is acceptable, ensuring there are no unneccessary delays.   The easy part is a new photograph of yourself, and a copy of your Deed of Change of Name. Under English and Welsh law you can call yourself whatever you want; and, indeed, several names all at the same time. I can never understand why the late Scottish General Medical Practitioner, Dr Donald Duck, did not change his. There are free sites available on the internet to facilitate your name change. There is no need to pay an intermediary (no matter what they may allege) to do it, as 'certified extra copies' are no more legal here than a photocopy of the original.   Not so easy is the new name and gender certification. It is, however, sufficient for your General Medical Practitioner to provide a short letter to accompany the other documentation. Frequently, they have no previous experience of Trans-genger individuals. It is therefore a good idea to show them the format that ' one of your friends' used successfully (here I thank the lovely Beckie for her advice).   PROPOSED GP LETTER:   [Address of Practice]   [Date]   To whom it may concern.   This is to confirm that my patient, previously known as [insert previous name], is currently undergoing genger reassignment; and, as part of this process, has changed their name, by Deed of Change of Name to [insert new name], and requests that their gender marker should be changed to [insert female or male]. This change is intended and expected to be permanent.   Your assistance in facilitating and making the relevant changes to your records; and, in preserving full confidentiality, will be appreciated.   Yours Faithfully,   Dr [insert doctor's name]    P.S.: For me, the really hard part was queuing at the Altrincham Post Office, completing the application form legibly, and keeping strictly and entirely within each box. I wrote (on the back of my hand) to remember to sign in my new chosen name, again completely within the box I await the new document with bated breath and eager anticipation.   
    Feb 18, 2016 710
  • 01 Apr 2012
    Girls, I am happy to announce that I've managed to cross the threshold and have my first outting en femme. It was so glorious!   On the 31 of March, my bestie held a party to celebrate her birthday which occured earlier in the month. She invited me and several of her friends and held a costume party. And she was entirely okay, infact (even) defensive about people treating me well if I so chose, to dress femme in costume. So excitedly, I went online and began to browse costumes big enough to fit a girl like me.   The costume choice narrowed down between a "Twilight Fairy" and a "Pirate Wench." After talking with my bestie, we decided I looked best in the Pirate Wench outfit and I wore that. Pictures of me in both outfits are in my albums, though they are without makeup.   When the day came for the party, my bestie and I got everything together, then proceeded to get into our costumes. Once we were all put together, she helped me get made  up and made up herself (I looked great... or at least I felt great and I'll put a picture up in my albums of me with makeup on in the pirate outfit).   I was nervous about it, but I really had nothing to fear. All of her other friends were completely okay with me being dressed as I was. They even called me by female pronouns and used my female name. It was fantastic. They seemed to totally accept me as one of the girls the whole night! Being one of the girls felt so much better than the years I've endured as "one of the guys." So we talked, drank, and enjoyed eachother's company within the safety of my Bestie's house.   But later, we decided to go out. It was more along the lines to replace and supplement my Bestie's toy collection. So we went to a local sex shop *blushes* On the way there we continued to talk and enjoy eachother's company. The fact that I had XY chromosomes didn't change that they counted me among the girls and I felt totally confirmed as a girl with these wonderful ladies.   Even when we got there, one of the girls looped her arm in mine and we walked like girlfriends into the shop. There was a little goofing and having to go back to the car a couple times. Everyone in the store was very nice, no one said anything and I felt super comfortable. I was walking with pride and confidence through the store and even when we left. I felt like with my new girlfriends, I could take on the world.   Us girls clamoured back into the car and drove home, giggling and enjoying eachother's company. And when it was time to break up the party, we all parted with hugs and smiles.   I've said it before, and I'll probably say it to my dying days: My bestie is so wonderful and awesome. I'm not sure I could ask for a better one. I got to be femme for her party. Don't worry! The party was still all about her and we shared drinks and wished her happy birthday and ate cake, but I wanted to relay my experience to you all.   This is the first of many ventures. This was a tiny one, but one none the less. I can't wait to go out again with my girlfriends!   So much love and happiness I have to try to keep from crying... but I guess that's what us girls do when we get emotional... and I'm happy to have the salty pools spill over to run down my cheeks.   I love all my sisters here, thanks for encouragement and cheers. MWAH!
    1731 Posted by Tara Wallace
  • Girls, I am happy to announce that I've managed to cross the threshold and have my first outting en femme. It was so glorious!   On the 31 of March, my bestie held a party to celebrate her birthday which occured earlier in the month. She invited me and several of her friends and held a costume party. And she was entirely okay, infact (even) defensive about people treating me well if I so chose, to dress femme in costume. So excitedly, I went online and began to browse costumes big enough to fit a girl like me.   The costume choice narrowed down between a "Twilight Fairy" and a "Pirate Wench." After talking with my bestie, we decided I looked best in the Pirate Wench outfit and I wore that. Pictures of me in both outfits are in my albums, though they are without makeup.   When the day came for the party, my bestie and I got everything together, then proceeded to get into our costumes. Once we were all put together, she helped me get made  up and made up herself (I looked great... or at least I felt great and I'll put a picture up in my albums of me with makeup on in the pirate outfit).   I was nervous about it, but I really had nothing to fear. All of her other friends were completely okay with me being dressed as I was. They even called me by female pronouns and used my female name. It was fantastic. They seemed to totally accept me as one of the girls the whole night! Being one of the girls felt so much better than the years I've endured as "one of the guys." So we talked, drank, and enjoyed eachother's company within the safety of my Bestie's house.   But later, we decided to go out. It was more along the lines to replace and supplement my Bestie's toy collection. So we went to a local sex shop *blushes* On the way there we continued to talk and enjoy eachother's company. The fact that I had XY chromosomes didn't change that they counted me among the girls and I felt totally confirmed as a girl with these wonderful ladies.   Even when we got there, one of the girls looped her arm in mine and we walked like girlfriends into the shop. There was a little goofing and having to go back to the car a couple times. Everyone in the store was very nice, no one said anything and I felt super comfortable. I was walking with pride and confidence through the store and even when we left. I felt like with my new girlfriends, I could take on the world.   Us girls clamoured back into the car and drove home, giggling and enjoying eachother's company. And when it was time to break up the party, we all parted with hugs and smiles.   I've said it before, and I'll probably say it to my dying days: My bestie is so wonderful and awesome. I'm not sure I could ask for a better one. I got to be femme for her party. Don't worry! The party was still all about her and we shared drinks and wished her happy birthday and ate cake, but I wanted to relay my experience to you all.   This is the first of many ventures. This was a tiny one, but one none the less. I can't wait to go out again with my girlfriends!   So much love and happiness I have to try to keep from crying... but I guess that's what us girls do when we get emotional... and I'm happy to have the salty pools spill over to run down my cheeks.   I love all my sisters here, thanks for encouragement and cheers. MWAH!
    Apr 01, 2012 1731
  • 12 Mar 2015
    How to become the perfect housekeeper. On a lighter more jovial note, transistioning, getting married, suddenly realising that you had better start learning to cook really well or face having sex with your intended on a regular basis. Now that's female thinking.  Right now you're married, it's been a few weeks and the honeymoon is over. Out shopping with a sexually frustrated significant other - "Ooooooooh, look at that dress, I would feel soooo sexy in that!!!" "But it's £200" says the SO, to which you reply "AND"? You can see his brain coming alive in his trousers. Now this is where real talent comes in. Finally he says "Okay, I'll buy it for you."  You get the dress, But then you can't really wear it because you don't have  shoes that match.  Get the shoes.  Then he suggests, in for a penny, in for a pound, what about new undies to match NO!! don't get greedy.  Tell him you really appreciate the gesture but he has spent enough.  When you're home dig out a pair of old granny type knickers.  Don them, put on the dress and shoes and get taken out for a really romantic meal.  Get home and throw yourself on the bed.  He undresses you, sees the knickers and goes of to the spare room to sleep. See where it's leading?  Another day out for undies nighties, etc.  Another romantic night out and a few bottles of expensive anaesthetic. Now we have established a patterm - keeping him just short of enough cash and nooky, so that he can't afford to two time you.  Meanwhile putting into place an appearance of being the perfect housekeeper.  So when he finally finds someone who hasn't got the same expensive tastes as you and is desperate, he cheats, you divorce him and get to keep the house, lol.  (Housekeeper) Meanwhile there is that elligable fit looking guy who is making mega bucks in the city, who's giving you comfort shopping because of your cheating philandering, pathetic husband.  Now go back to the begining and push replay. Cristine Jennifer Shye**
  • How to become the perfect housekeeper. On a lighter more jovial note, transistioning, getting married, suddenly realising that you had better start learning to cook really well or face having sex with your intended on a regular basis. Now that's female thinking.  Right now you're married, it's been a few weeks and the honeymoon is over. Out shopping with a sexually frustrated significant other - "Ooooooooh, look at that dress, I would feel soooo sexy in that!!!" "But it's £200" says the SO, to which you reply "AND"? You can see his brain coming alive in his trousers. Now this is where real talent comes in. Finally he says "Okay, I'll buy it for you."  You get the dress, But then you can't really wear it because you don't have  shoes that match.  Get the shoes.  Then he suggests, in for a penny, in for a pound, what about new undies to match NO!! don't get greedy.  Tell him you really appreciate the gesture but he has spent enough.  When you're home dig out a pair of old granny type knickers.  Don them, put on the dress and shoes and get taken out for a really romantic meal.  Get home and throw yourself on the bed.  He undresses you, sees the knickers and goes of to the spare room to sleep. See where it's leading?  Another day out for undies nighties, etc.  Another romantic night out and a few bottles of expensive anaesthetic. Now we have established a patterm - keeping him just short of enough cash and nooky, so that he can't afford to two time you.  Meanwhile putting into place an appearance of being the perfect housekeeper.  So when he finally finds someone who hasn't got the same expensive tastes as you and is desperate, he cheats, you divorce him and get to keep the house, lol.  (Housekeeper) Meanwhile there is that elligable fit looking guy who is making mega bucks in the city, who's giving you comfort shopping because of your cheating philandering, pathetic husband.  Now go back to the begining and push replay. Cristine Jennifer Shye**
    Mar 12, 2015 902
  • 08 Feb 2014
    Just had a an out pof the blue talk with my long term partner . Shes a medical professional. It was about my holding back and not telling her everything , .She is a bit of a control freak at times , and yes I let her be that way and oblige not putting up much of an oppposition. And Yes you guessed it and know it from some of my old entries over thh past years  , I put up the image ,stoic played the front , put myself second . did as i was told , tried to meet the expectation. etc . In the background the inner feelings and fears hidden.My greatest fear being rejected by my partner , as she has expressed her fear of me transitiong , a kind of fear that somehow I was being mis led .     In tha past maybe 2 years ago , she stormed out , but just today she did not , no crying . After the talk wjhich was kind of re-alignment of what was happening with me . we carried on . The status is that she had teh chance to express herself , and  say she wanted me to know that there might come a time when she just could not  take the situation of me transitioning and what she saw and felt about me.Also I get the chance to express that I accept this , . So you accept their right . so we can move on .   In a simple way I wanted to write now as it happens , that being Honest is really difficult , and there comes a time when you have to  be open and take the consequence. The alternative which both you and your partner [ and other s in your life] is that you just grind into self fear self doubt ..in the old stealth denial , "they never tell me anything" situation. so not really living a representative relationship or life. I am just doing House maintenance Chores right now ,whilst she goes shopping. . we both take a breather.Final word ..dont you just hate it when somebody says wouldnt it be easier if  ..knowing that means easier on the outside ..at the expense of the damage on the inside. Just one of those days in mid Transition,  Best wishes  to everyone   Donna 
    717 Posted by Donna V
  • By Donna V
    Just had a an out pof the blue talk with my long term partner . Shes a medical professional. It was about my holding back and not telling her everything , .She is a bit of a control freak at times , and yes I let her be that way and oblige not putting up much of an oppposition. And Yes you guessed it and know it from some of my old entries over thh past years  , I put up the image ,stoic played the front , put myself second . did as i was told , tried to meet the expectation. etc . In the background the inner feelings and fears hidden.My greatest fear being rejected by my partner , as she has expressed her fear of me transitiong , a kind of fear that somehow I was being mis led .     In tha past maybe 2 years ago , she stormed out , but just today she did not , no crying . After the talk wjhich was kind of re-alignment of what was happening with me . we carried on . The status is that she had teh chance to express herself , and  say she wanted me to know that there might come a time when she just could not  take the situation of me transitioning and what she saw and felt about me.Also I get the chance to express that I accept this , . So you accept their right . so we can move on .   In a simple way I wanted to write now as it happens , that being Honest is really difficult , and there comes a time when you have to  be open and take the consequence. The alternative which both you and your partner [ and other s in your life] is that you just grind into self fear self doubt ..in the old stealth denial , "they never tell me anything" situation. so not really living a representative relationship or life. I am just doing House maintenance Chores right now ,whilst she goes shopping. . we both take a breather.Final word ..dont you just hate it when somebody says wouldnt it be easier if  ..knowing that means easier on the outside ..at the expense of the damage on the inside. Just one of those days in mid Transition,  Best wishes  to everyone   Donna 
    Feb 08, 2014 717
  • 11 May 2012
    I kind of need to write this new blog as a "Cathartic" excercise, to share what ive been going through the last couple of months, for as they say..writing it down can be a form of therapy (not that i need that right?) Dont get me wrong..im not going through any emotional drama..in fact its the lack opf emotion that i find confusing..and i have come up with my own little theory which i liken to an elastic band..more about that later..if you have the patience to read on A quick summary of my story so far! Been dressing as far back as i can remember around aged 5. had the (familiar to some) peaks and troughs with my dressing and many many purges. tried to overcompensate by doing all the macho stuff. got married hid my secret for 12 years of marriage..and would have still been doing so if my wife hadnt discovered some "evidence" last year. i was then forced to sit down and "spill" everything. Much to my everlasting relief..she didnt kick me out..dont get me wrong, there were many many tears and shouting sessions, but instead of ostracising me, she chose the path of trying to understand instead. In fact i took the opportunity to try and understand it myself (id never really thought about it as anything other than a fetish). and so i joined this site (Among others) to try and make some sense of it all.     And so at this point, after forty odd years of keeping it all hidden, i was suddenly choosing clothes with my partners approval and discussing the whole scenario about my feelings, wishes etc..my relationship with my wife grew more close during the last year than ever before..go figure.I was a completely different person, since i now carried no secrets and shared everything with my wife, i felt lighter happier and better emotionally (though i still didnt like her to see me as debs). during our initial discussions i told her of my desire to meet others like me, and long story short she okayed it , and i found myself on a plane to Milton Keynes to meet up with some of ther girls from here. i had one of the most memorable and enjoyable times of my life.since then ive had very little desire to dress. so heres where my elastic band theory comes in...   repressing my feelings/desires to dress was like pulling an elastic band back slowly over time..it grows tighter and tighter and has to reach breaking point at some time..   with the discovery of my "secret" the band released.. and i flung myself headlong into buying things talking about everything femme with my wife and booking a trip away..then going! so in 6 months i went from being in the closet with no one knowing..to standing in a nightclub with my new girlfriends all glammed up (even tho id never been out)..theres the elastic goin forward..way past the start point and in the other direction now!     so im about as "out" as i can be at this point (i've even told my best friend) and probably thinking that i will continue in this vein when.......it all goes away. nothing..nada...no desire to dress what so ever..i stopped visiting the chatroom here (where id been a regular fixture) because i didnt feel i could relate to any of the issues being discussed any more.i was an outsider and even felt like a fraud. i only popped in to catch up with some of the great friends id made just to touch base..but i wasnt dressing at all..i almost had another purge!   and so the elastic heads back to (and beyond) point zero back into male mode ..although im not hating it this time.,.its just how i feel   now dont get me wrong, i was never naieve enough to think that my desire to be debs had dissapeared..shes a big part of me and probably diametrically opposite to everything male about me (i mean emotionally not physically..thats a no brainer) and if im honest..i missed her..i missed letting her out (again this is not dressing...but emotionally speaking)   i spoke to my wife  at length and was guilty of projecting my feelings about it on to her..i told her i thought shed be secretly delighted that debs had gone away..but she disagreed and proceeded to tell me that Debs would be back, and that  she'd be fine when that happened..god i love her so much for just that conversation alone!   and already..the elastic moves forward again and i find myself thinking about fashion and make up again and wanting to be debs...but its not a burning desire (for now anyway)..   Ive no doubt ill be out again as debs this year, and as far as my elastic band theory is concerned, i think that it will settle down from going from one extreme to the other..to some kind of middle ground..at least thats what i hope!   meanwhile, ill continue to be around, maybe more sporadically than before, but you aint gettin rid of me!
    1079 Posted by Debbie Davies
  • I kind of need to write this new blog as a "Cathartic" excercise, to share what ive been going through the last couple of months, for as they say..writing it down can be a form of therapy (not that i need that right?) Dont get me wrong..im not going through any emotional drama..in fact its the lack opf emotion that i find confusing..and i have come up with my own little theory which i liken to an elastic band..more about that later..if you have the patience to read on A quick summary of my story so far! Been dressing as far back as i can remember around aged 5. had the (familiar to some) peaks and troughs with my dressing and many many purges. tried to overcompensate by doing all the macho stuff. got married hid my secret for 12 years of marriage..and would have still been doing so if my wife hadnt discovered some "evidence" last year. i was then forced to sit down and "spill" everything. Much to my everlasting relief..she didnt kick me out..dont get me wrong, there were many many tears and shouting sessions, but instead of ostracising me, she chose the path of trying to understand instead. In fact i took the opportunity to try and understand it myself (id never really thought about it as anything other than a fetish). and so i joined this site (Among others) to try and make some sense of it all.     And so at this point, after forty odd years of keeping it all hidden, i was suddenly choosing clothes with my partners approval and discussing the whole scenario about my feelings, wishes etc..my relationship with my wife grew more close during the last year than ever before..go figure.I was a completely different person, since i now carried no secrets and shared everything with my wife, i felt lighter happier and better emotionally (though i still didnt like her to see me as debs). during our initial discussions i told her of my desire to meet others like me, and long story short she okayed it , and i found myself on a plane to Milton Keynes to meet up with some of ther girls from here. i had one of the most memorable and enjoyable times of my life.since then ive had very little desire to dress. so heres where my elastic band theory comes in...   repressing my feelings/desires to dress was like pulling an elastic band back slowly over time..it grows tighter and tighter and has to reach breaking point at some time..   with the discovery of my "secret" the band released.. and i flung myself headlong into buying things talking about everything femme with my wife and booking a trip away..then going! so in 6 months i went from being in the closet with no one knowing..to standing in a nightclub with my new girlfriends all glammed up (even tho id never been out)..theres the elastic goin forward..way past the start point and in the other direction now!     so im about as "out" as i can be at this point (i've even told my best friend) and probably thinking that i will continue in this vein when.......it all goes away. nothing..nada...no desire to dress what so ever..i stopped visiting the chatroom here (where id been a regular fixture) because i didnt feel i could relate to any of the issues being discussed any more.i was an outsider and even felt like a fraud. i only popped in to catch up with some of the great friends id made just to touch base..but i wasnt dressing at all..i almost had another purge!   and so the elastic heads back to (and beyond) point zero back into male mode ..although im not hating it this time.,.its just how i feel   now dont get me wrong, i was never naieve enough to think that my desire to be debs had dissapeared..shes a big part of me and probably diametrically opposite to everything male about me (i mean emotionally not physically..thats a no brainer) and if im honest..i missed her..i missed letting her out (again this is not dressing...but emotionally speaking)   i spoke to my wife  at length and was guilty of projecting my feelings about it on to her..i told her i thought shed be secretly delighted that debs had gone away..but she disagreed and proceeded to tell me that Debs would be back, and that  she'd be fine when that happened..god i love her so much for just that conversation alone!   and already..the elastic moves forward again and i find myself thinking about fashion and make up again and wanting to be debs...but its not a burning desire (for now anyway)..   Ive no doubt ill be out again as debs this year, and as far as my elastic band theory is concerned, i think that it will settle down from going from one extreme to the other..to some kind of middle ground..at least thats what i hope!   meanwhile, ill continue to be around, maybe more sporadically than before, but you aint gettin rid of me!
    May 11, 2012 1079
  • 11 Jun 2013
    It is not very often I come on to this site. I have  noticed for being one of the very few non chemically enhanced women on this site and having to deal with a love who changing even though there were things said to each other. I slowly stopped coming onto this site because no one really cares I have noticed this because I have posted a few blogs and rarely does any one message on them. It is sad that when some one is in pain that they are ignored because they are not like the rest of group.   I joined this for Lorelie I joined this to have some one to speak to when I'm hurting and unable to speak to her. But its hard to stay strong when no one is there for me. I have been the strong one for many years for my family I can't do it any more. If it was not for Lorelie I would have died doing some thing I promised to her to never do again. There are days I come home and I'm ignored I feel that longing for metal to caress flesh it makes me want to let the blood flow from so long of being the one who holds every one up.   As I write I feel that urge as tears stream down my face I can't help but want to either get scratched deep enough to let that pressure be released onto the floor. I won't be strong forever but the only one who will realise this is me...Maybe when it finally happens others will see my dead corpse  and ask why and my spirit will scream at them saying because I couldn't be strong forever.
    799 Posted by Wolfy E
  • By Wolfy E
    It is not very often I come on to this site. I have  noticed for being one of the very few non chemically enhanced women on this site and having to deal with a love who changing even though there were things said to each other. I slowly stopped coming onto this site because no one really cares I have noticed this because I have posted a few blogs and rarely does any one message on them. It is sad that when some one is in pain that they are ignored because they are not like the rest of group.   I joined this for Lorelie I joined this to have some one to speak to when I'm hurting and unable to speak to her. But its hard to stay strong when no one is there for me. I have been the strong one for many years for my family I can't do it any more. If it was not for Lorelie I would have died doing some thing I promised to her to never do again. There are days I come home and I'm ignored I feel that longing for metal to caress flesh it makes me want to let the blood flow from so long of being the one who holds every one up.   As I write I feel that urge as tears stream down my face I can't help but want to either get scratched deep enough to let that pressure be released onto the floor. I won't be strong forever but the only one who will realise this is me...Maybe when it finally happens others will see my dead corpse  and ask why and my spirit will scream at them saying because I couldn't be strong forever.
    Jun 11, 2013 799
  • 02 Jul 2014
    hello ladies   its been a while, but ill keep this short (ish) lol   im now living pretty much 60% me!! only not at work but that is very soon about to change.   ive been liasing with HR at the company i work for. she is amazing, and seems almost as excited for me as i am!! she is genuinely interested, and caresthat i am happy. every time i see her, she asks how im doing, and if there is anything she can do. she has commented that in the 7 years ive worked there, she has never seen me so happy.   any way, i am officially getting a name change on tuesday nect week, (well, form filling at least). i cant wait to see my first bit of mail with my name on. ive also decided im not going to wait to start my RLE, ive actually set a date. they say life begins at 40, well, mine really will. no more pretending, i will be me!!   ive informed HR, and the rest of the bosses, and the last few days, ive been trying to talk to some of my collegues, some already knew some had no idea, but all have been extremely understanding, and accepting. i think it helps that i am confident in talking about it to others, there is no doubt in my mind this isnt  choice for me, that it is something that, no matter what, i have to do, which i try to put over to people.   i am extremely lucky in the sense that i always thought that north devon was a sheltered place, and was told by close friends that it would be hell doing this here, as there seams to be a lot of prejadice, but in actual fact, yes it is sheltered, but maybe that goes in its favour? every one is very accepting, easy going and kind, and i am certain of all the places i could go, while "changing" i am right at home, in the place i am meant to be. i am lucky, and blessed to be here.   so, the date. well, i have a weeks holiday booked frm the 13th september til the 21st, my b'day being on the 17th. i have told them at work, that martin will finish work on the friday, and will never be back, tho i will be returning to work on the 22nd. i know some will feel arkward, and some customers will avoid me, but it wont last long, that i am sure about. with my confidence, and wit, people will soon learn to accept me for who i am.   i am so so excited, its the beginning of the rest of my life. i know this is a long long road, but my journey has well and truely begun.    love to you all,   steph xxxx
    624 Posted by Stephie Hughes
  • hello ladies   its been a while, but ill keep this short (ish) lol   im now living pretty much 60% me!! only not at work but that is very soon about to change.   ive been liasing with HR at the company i work for. she is amazing, and seems almost as excited for me as i am!! she is genuinely interested, and caresthat i am happy. every time i see her, she asks how im doing, and if there is anything she can do. she has commented that in the 7 years ive worked there, she has never seen me so happy.   any way, i am officially getting a name change on tuesday nect week, (well, form filling at least). i cant wait to see my first bit of mail with my name on. ive also decided im not going to wait to start my RLE, ive actually set a date. they say life begins at 40, well, mine really will. no more pretending, i will be me!!   ive informed HR, and the rest of the bosses, and the last few days, ive been trying to talk to some of my collegues, some already knew some had no idea, but all have been extremely understanding, and accepting. i think it helps that i am confident in talking about it to others, there is no doubt in my mind this isnt  choice for me, that it is something that, no matter what, i have to do, which i try to put over to people.   i am extremely lucky in the sense that i always thought that north devon was a sheltered place, and was told by close friends that it would be hell doing this here, as there seams to be a lot of prejadice, but in actual fact, yes it is sheltered, but maybe that goes in its favour? every one is very accepting, easy going and kind, and i am certain of all the places i could go, while "changing" i am right at home, in the place i am meant to be. i am lucky, and blessed to be here.   so, the date. well, i have a weeks holiday booked frm the 13th september til the 21st, my b'day being on the 17th. i have told them at work, that martin will finish work on the friday, and will never be back, tho i will be returning to work on the 22nd. i know some will feel arkward, and some customers will avoid me, but it wont last long, that i am sure about. with my confidence, and wit, people will soon learn to accept me for who i am.   i am so so excited, its the beginning of the rest of my life. i know this is a long long road, but my journey has well and truely begun.    love to you all,   steph xxxx
    Jul 02, 2014 624
  • 28 Jun 2013
    Hi everyone. I would like to say I have not forgotten any of you and am sorry I have not been contributing very much here as of late. Honestly, I have been so overwhelmed with reality and feelings I could not stop to express anything. Anxiety and depression are no joke and I really think so many of us girls and guys who are trans can allow this to tip the balance in creating a healthy life for ourselves. My father ,who I have relied upon, had a stroke a few months ago and the reality that I was all alone in this struggle and there was no calvary coming to the rescue hit me hard and created tons of anxiety that I can't even begin to describe. I've felt like I was in no position to talk much with anyone or help much with any matters relating to being trans since I have been feeling so trapped myself. I've had to go back to working as a house painter which is not ideal but I have to eat . I just wear gloves for everything now, I love my long nails too much. Thankfully I'm not pounding too many nails. Anyways.. my reality for now is I'm gender queer. At least that is how I feel. Sideways glances, boobs not too big not too small. As the little girl swinging on the swing said as I walked by "IS THAT A GIRL OR A MAN MOMMY?!!" But that is ok. I had a break through recently. I'm tired of crying. Tired of feeling uncomfortable in public. Tired of 1st impressions. I am ready for some sun in my life and healthy fun. I still have my dreams actually more so then ever. I'm on the road now. Not possible to turn back and not wanting to very often anyways. This new me is ok. There are still many paths yet to choose. I have hope  for continuing contentment. I love you all so much ! It is ok to be me!   http://vocaroo.com/i/s0OihTZ4Ees3    My latest song I'd like to share. If it gives a grain of enjoyment to anyone I'm happy.  xxx Jessica    
    957 Posted by Jessica Nova
  • Hi everyone. I would like to say I have not forgotten any of you and am sorry I have not been contributing very much here as of late. Honestly, I have been so overwhelmed with reality and feelings I could not stop to express anything. Anxiety and depression are no joke and I really think so many of us girls and guys who are trans can allow this to tip the balance in creating a healthy life for ourselves. My father ,who I have relied upon, had a stroke a few months ago and the reality that I was all alone in this struggle and there was no calvary coming to the rescue hit me hard and created tons of anxiety that I can't even begin to describe. I've felt like I was in no position to talk much with anyone or help much with any matters relating to being trans since I have been feeling so trapped myself. I've had to go back to working as a house painter which is not ideal but I have to eat . I just wear gloves for everything now, I love my long nails too much. Thankfully I'm not pounding too many nails. Anyways.. my reality for now is I'm gender queer. At least that is how I feel. Sideways glances, boobs not too big not too small. As the little girl swinging on the swing said as I walked by "IS THAT A GIRL OR A MAN MOMMY?!!" But that is ok. I had a break through recently. I'm tired of crying. Tired of feeling uncomfortable in public. Tired of 1st impressions. I am ready for some sun in my life and healthy fun. I still have my dreams actually more so then ever. I'm on the road now. Not possible to turn back and not wanting to very often anyways. This new me is ok. There are still many paths yet to choose. I have hope  for continuing contentment. I love you all so much ! It is ok to be me!   http://vocaroo.com/i/s0OihTZ4Ees3    My latest song I'd like to share. If it gives a grain of enjoyment to anyone I'm happy.  xxx Jessica    
    Jun 28, 2013 957
  • 24 Feb 2013
    As i enter my third week on hormones i started wondering about the effects they would have on me and my life. Now i know that hormones affect you in many wonderous ways. They help develop the female body you craved since you knew the difference berween boys and girls. You will change body shape gradually. Now i am a realist but i also harbour a major fanatisist in my soul. I would dream of taking a pill and in a few days, poof. a pink princess (or red hee hee) would emerge. We know this is not the truth but, hey come on, its still free to dream right? i closed my eyes the first night and my dream hands went to that box marked. 'Future Me.' Blessed now with a fairly ample bosum, tiny waist and soft, rounded hips and pert backside, that would be the envy of any hollywood siren, would adorn my new form. My body so rediant in feminine glory and sparkle that any day a talent agent picks me to star in a perfume ad. alas the realist in me puts those dreams in the box marked 'future WAG.' Anyway back to the effects of hormones. So far, as expected, i have noticed not many miraculous changes but i have noticed one or two that have been both pleasant and naturally benifical. First change: My skin already feels different. it is becoming softer. I rub my arms together when i feel cold and the skin feels warmer and like it has a feathery sheen. i can't describe it. Also it seems to be more radiant. The light seems to catch and reflect on my skin in a way it just didn't before. My chest is becoming softer as well. no i am not talking 'wonder' breast growth but as i wear the bras i wore, say a month ago, the feeling i am actually "wearing" a bra grows. i add my small 'chest enhancers' and i can see and feel my chest coming together. A small cleavage i hadn't noticed before. Now i have been taking herbal supplements for roughly a year so i have already sown the seeds. The harvest in the next 2 years i hope will give me the b cup i think i will have. As a result of my skin softening, shaving is becoming so much easier. i shaved my legs the day i started the hormones. i let the hairs grow for 10 days and although i had no noticeable shortening of length when i applied the razor i had finished shaving both legs in a few minutes. (i didn't time it but no where near the amount of time i usually take especially the thighs and unmentionable areas. i wasn't that into conducting a scientific experiment.) the skin felt smooth and soft. no cuts no rash or burn as i had suffered on 'Moneday, (it was a tuesday but i like the name, not to be confused with moanday which is when you...you get the picture girls ;) okay!) and i could feel fabrics differently. Things feel different. Everyday things i wear suddenly feel, well i can only explain it as eating a normal chocolate bar blindfold and you feel the texture on your throat as you swallow. then you eat some belgian chocolate, velvety chocolate. lets say a lindor moment. you tell the difference right. well wearing soft fabric, light fabric, heavy fabric. my hands, sorry my fingertips are more sensitive to texture and things are tangible, like velvety cotton. not dull like a normal dairy milk say. maybe i over-emphasise. Useless metaphors/comparrisons aside. i am becoming more sensitive and i feel in balance more so than at anytime of my life. Next mission is professional and social development but lets take things steady here. This is the second change. How i feel. The very thing i have been waiting for all my life, it seems is finally becoming real. I like this so far. Softer skin and feeling like a new person. Happier and more confident. I know over the velvety hills and the lip gloss rivers lie a few more testing and rocky paths but i feel it a being a woman. I don't regard myself as a man anymore. I accept maybe i am paying too much attention to what is happening to me but without introspection how am i to saviour the journey and what it means to me? i used to dress LIKE a woman before. Now i dress AS one because i finally start to feel as a woman. Any physical changes are a lovely bonus.
    1128 Posted by Faye Morrow
  • As i enter my third week on hormones i started wondering about the effects they would have on me and my life. Now i know that hormones affect you in many wonderous ways. They help develop the female body you craved since you knew the difference berween boys and girls. You will change body shape gradually. Now i am a realist but i also harbour a major fanatisist in my soul. I would dream of taking a pill and in a few days, poof. a pink princess (or red hee hee) would emerge. We know this is not the truth but, hey come on, its still free to dream right? i closed my eyes the first night and my dream hands went to that box marked. 'Future Me.' Blessed now with a fairly ample bosum, tiny waist and soft, rounded hips and pert backside, that would be the envy of any hollywood siren, would adorn my new form. My body so rediant in feminine glory and sparkle that any day a talent agent picks me to star in a perfume ad. alas the realist in me puts those dreams in the box marked 'future WAG.' Anyway back to the effects of hormones. So far, as expected, i have noticed not many miraculous changes but i have noticed one or two that have been both pleasant and naturally benifical. First change: My skin already feels different. it is becoming softer. I rub my arms together when i feel cold and the skin feels warmer and like it has a feathery sheen. i can't describe it. Also it seems to be more radiant. The light seems to catch and reflect on my skin in a way it just didn't before. My chest is becoming softer as well. no i am not talking 'wonder' breast growth but as i wear the bras i wore, say a month ago, the feeling i am actually "wearing" a bra grows. i add my small 'chest enhancers' and i can see and feel my chest coming together. A small cleavage i hadn't noticed before. Now i have been taking herbal supplements for roughly a year so i have already sown the seeds. The harvest in the next 2 years i hope will give me the b cup i think i will have. As a result of my skin softening, shaving is becoming so much easier. i shaved my legs the day i started the hormones. i let the hairs grow for 10 days and although i had no noticeable shortening of length when i applied the razor i had finished shaving both legs in a few minutes. (i didn't time it but no where near the amount of time i usually take especially the thighs and unmentionable areas. i wasn't that into conducting a scientific experiment.) the skin felt smooth and soft. no cuts no rash or burn as i had suffered on 'Moneday, (it was a tuesday but i like the name, not to be confused with moanday which is when you...you get the picture girls ;) okay!) and i could feel fabrics differently. Things feel different. Everyday things i wear suddenly feel, well i can only explain it as eating a normal chocolate bar blindfold and you feel the texture on your throat as you swallow. then you eat some belgian chocolate, velvety chocolate. lets say a lindor moment. you tell the difference right. well wearing soft fabric, light fabric, heavy fabric. my hands, sorry my fingertips are more sensitive to texture and things are tangible, like velvety cotton. not dull like a normal dairy milk say. maybe i over-emphasise. Useless metaphors/comparrisons aside. i am becoming more sensitive and i feel in balance more so than at anytime of my life. Next mission is professional and social development but lets take things steady here. This is the second change. How i feel. The very thing i have been waiting for all my life, it seems is finally becoming real. I like this so far. Softer skin and feeling like a new person. Happier and more confident. I know over the velvety hills and the lip gloss rivers lie a few more testing and rocky paths but i feel it a being a woman. I don't regard myself as a man anymore. I accept maybe i am paying too much attention to what is happening to me but without introspection how am i to saviour the journey and what it means to me? i used to dress LIKE a woman before. Now i dress AS one because i finally start to feel as a woman. Any physical changes are a lovely bonus.
    Feb 24, 2013 1128