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  • 22 Jan 2005
    Just when I was doing better, I received a rejection letter. I really thought they were going to talk to me. I was so upset. I felt like such a failure. But when I dropped my daughter off for a playdate I started to come around a little.  She hasn't seen this other little girl since going to a new school, and when they saw each other there were so many squeals and giggles......it was so precious. I needed a shoulder or fifty to cry on. Yes, my wife was there for me, and had some good advice. God/Buddha/Krishna bless her - she really is great. I called Anna-Maria but needed to leave a message. She called me back and really perked me up. I just wanted to talk to all of you.  I'm doing fine now. I'm doing fine for another reason - my wife fully backs my decision to apply for the job in Norwich, UK. She thinks it's a good idea. I don't think they'll interview me, though, because of the logistics involved, and not because I think I'm worthless. I think I'm perfect for the job, but the expense for the school might be too much, so I can understand that, even though they advertised here in the States.  Christina threatened me, saying you'd all kidnap me if I came over there. I have to be doing fine. I have get out side and shovel. Any fashion tips for snow shoveling you can give?
    743 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Just when I was doing better, I received a rejection letter. I really thought they were going to talk to me. I was so upset. I felt like such a failure. But when I dropped my daughter off for a playdate I started to come around a little.  She hasn't seen this other little girl since going to a new school, and when they saw each other there were so many squeals and giggles......it was so precious. I needed a shoulder or fifty to cry on. Yes, my wife was there for me, and had some good advice. God/Buddha/Krishna bless her - she really is great. I called Anna-Maria but needed to leave a message. She called me back and really perked me up. I just wanted to talk to all of you.  I'm doing fine now. I'm doing fine for another reason - my wife fully backs my decision to apply for the job in Norwich, UK. She thinks it's a good idea. I don't think they'll interview me, though, because of the logistics involved, and not because I think I'm worthless. I think I'm perfect for the job, but the expense for the school might be too much, so I can understand that, even though they advertised here in the States.  Christina threatened me, saying you'd all kidnap me if I came over there. I have to be doing fine. I have get out side and shovel. Any fashion tips for snow shoveling you can give?
    Jan 22, 2005 743
  • 24 Aug 2005
    I don't think i can feel any worse than i do right now. Today i recieved some bad news, and i still can't take it all in.I've been told that it's VERY unlikely now that i will get any funding/grants to help get my TG group off the ground and to top it off, the counselling course i'd got enrolled on may not go aheadas there isn't enough people down to do it. I think they have 4 inc me but need double that for it to start. I have given this whole thing 110% in effort and the like but i feel like such a failure for not having succeeded in something i was so determined to make a go of. Even with the best will in the world i couldn't finance this thing myself as i'm not working. The Job centre suggested a loan but there's noway i could pay it back. so now all my well intentioned plans and dreams are in ruins and i just feel as though i've let down the people i would have helped, had i got things going. This girl feels like such a failure and i know i'll probably be told otherwise but  i can't help the way i'm feelin right now...SO sad....
    884 Posted by Anna-Marie Trindall
  • I don't think i can feel any worse than i do right now. Today i recieved some bad news, and i still can't take it all in.I've been told that it's VERY unlikely now that i will get any funding/grants to help get my TG group off the ground and to top it off, the counselling course i'd got enrolled on may not go aheadas there isn't enough people down to do it. I think they have 4 inc me but need double that for it to start. I have given this whole thing 110% in effort and the like but i feel like such a failure for not having succeeded in something i was so determined to make a go of. Even with the best will in the world i couldn't finance this thing myself as i'm not working. The Job centre suggested a loan but there's noway i could pay it back. so now all my well intentioned plans and dreams are in ruins and i just feel as though i've let down the people i would have helped, had i got things going. This girl feels like such a failure and i know i'll probably be told otherwise but  i can't help the way i'm feelin right now...SO sad....
    Aug 24, 2005 884
  • 12 Jun 2006
    Do you girls have any idea how difficult it is to watch World Cup matches and type at the same time?I should be handing over the security deposit on the apartment over the next day or two.  I'm waiting for some money to come in.The tour gig has been incredible.  I haven't been there a week yet and already I'm doing solo tours, and having the time of my life.  For several days I was paid for just riding the boats.  This has been great.  Here's some little tidbits:The captain, a water spray, and high school girls suddenly in wet t-shirts.A college party tour boat with us in the locks.  We had binoculars.Wild ride through choppy water.  Wet t-shirts, again.A certain docent who talked about the proper way to buy skirts.A cute Taiwanese girl who hit on this certain docent.  If this docent did not have to go back out right away she would have had a phone number.One long day filled with lots of nice tips that served as spending money.A wonderful young couple from Ireland with whom this docent had a great chat about the World Cup matches for that day.I've been asked to change the voice mail greeting on my cell phone as some people don't know yet, and they don't want these people to find out in that fashion.  On this message I had both my drab and female name.  Hey, who would have known?I still can't wait for my endo appointment.  I want to get this started!  Enough already!!!!!!!
    897 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • Do you girls have any idea how difficult it is to watch World Cup matches and type at the same time?I should be handing over the security deposit on the apartment over the next day or two.  I'm waiting for some money to come in.The tour gig has been incredible.  I haven't been there a week yet and already I'm doing solo tours, and having the time of my life.  For several days I was paid for just riding the boats.  This has been great.  Here's some little tidbits:The captain, a water spray, and high school girls suddenly in wet t-shirts.A college party tour boat with us in the locks.  We had binoculars.Wild ride through choppy water.  Wet t-shirts, again.A certain docent who talked about the proper way to buy skirts.A cute Taiwanese girl who hit on this certain docent.  If this docent did not have to go back out right away she would have had a phone number.One long day filled with lots of nice tips that served as spending money.A wonderful young couple from Ireland with whom this docent had a great chat about the World Cup matches for that day.I've been asked to change the voice mail greeting on my cell phone as some people don't know yet, and they don't want these people to find out in that fashion.  On this message I had both my drab and female name.  Hey, who would have known?I still can't wait for my endo appointment.  I want to get this started!  Enough already!!!!!!!
    Jun 12, 2006 897
  • 11 Jun 2007
    Good Morning!Felt like yesterday was kind of waisted. I had planned to do a few things I needed to do than take a long bubble bath & sink myself in being Karen.My sister & some of her friends came by about 11am. We spent the whole day running about. My sister was trying to hook me up with one of her friends. A girl, not real pretty & more manly than I ever was. I also thought she was very crude as she somehow seemed to bump into my butt more than a few times. When they brought me home this girl came right out & asked if I wanted her to come in. I got rid of them & felt as though my sister was pimping me to her friend. I'll have to talk to her about that.
    741 Posted by Karen Brad
  • Good Morning!Felt like yesterday was kind of waisted. I had planned to do a few things I needed to do than take a long bubble bath & sink myself in being Karen.My sister & some of her friends came by about 11am. We spent the whole day running about. My sister was trying to hook me up with one of her friends. A girl, not real pretty & more manly than I ever was. I also thought she was very crude as she somehow seemed to bump into my butt more than a few times. When they brought me home this girl came right out & asked if I wanted her to come in. I got rid of them & felt as though my sister was pimping me to her friend. I'll have to talk to her about that.
    Jun 11, 2007 741
  • 06 Jun 2008
    It would take a while to explain, but my laptop, with a little extra assistance, is back up and running, due to a student I taught just last term.  I feel stupid for not asking him to take a look at it first.  I might have saved a few bucks.  Josie sent me an older laptop she wasn't using, but the hard drive in mine would not work in hers.  I will uprade that and give it to my kid.The thing is, he saw my MSN Messenger icon as Mere.  Whether he figured it was me is not known, but I don't care.  His boss, the head of the school's IT department, is letting me borrow this extra keyboard and mouse.  Now I am back in the saddle.At the museum, I made a joke yesterday in our little room about not being a full woman for another few years.  Jillian, who knows about me (I mentioned this in my last blog), broke out laughing.  It was great to make such a comment in plain sight.Over the past few weeks I also learned who my friends here on TW are and who aren't.  One particular person lost my trust for good.  The other two I never really trusted in the first place, so what does it matter?  I hate to say this, though.  I'd rather be friends.  Maybe someday we can put this behind us.  The Lord Krishna taught me about understanding and forgiveness.  I will try.  But I won't be a fool again, either.I had a telephone interview last week with this college about 90 minutes from Chicago.  I thought it went okay and that I might not have answered some questions correctly.  Was I wrong!  My dear friend Carlita, who I use as a museum reference, told me they contacted her about the reference.  The next day they called me.  I am a finalist and they want me on campus next week.  It is the usual finalist interview - free meals, meet with upper administration, teaching demo, etc.  The problem?  The topic they gave me is not only one I specialize in, but in fact just taught in today's class!  I am going to alter it somewhat to incorporate more interactive materials.I've been down this road before, so I am taking it all in stride.  Mary Mulberry, who joined here, asked me how they would take my transitioning.  That will be seen should I be lucky enough to get the job.More to come.
    1051 Posted by Meredith Newton
  • It would take a while to explain, but my laptop, with a little extra assistance, is back up and running, due to a student I taught just last term.  I feel stupid for not asking him to take a look at it first.  I might have saved a few bucks.  Josie sent me an older laptop she wasn't using, but the hard drive in mine would not work in hers.  I will uprade that and give it to my kid.The thing is, he saw my MSN Messenger icon as Mere.  Whether he figured it was me is not known, but I don't care.  His boss, the head of the school's IT department, is letting me borrow this extra keyboard and mouse.  Now I am back in the saddle.At the museum, I made a joke yesterday in our little room about not being a full woman for another few years.  Jillian, who knows about me (I mentioned this in my last blog), broke out laughing.  It was great to make such a comment in plain sight.Over the past few weeks I also learned who my friends here on TW are and who aren't.  One particular person lost my trust for good.  The other two I never really trusted in the first place, so what does it matter?  I hate to say this, though.  I'd rather be friends.  Maybe someday we can put this behind us.  The Lord Krishna taught me about understanding and forgiveness.  I will try.  But I won't be a fool again, either.I had a telephone interview last week with this college about 90 minutes from Chicago.  I thought it went okay and that I might not have answered some questions correctly.  Was I wrong!  My dear friend Carlita, who I use as a museum reference, told me they contacted her about the reference.  The next day they called me.  I am a finalist and they want me on campus next week.  It is the usual finalist interview - free meals, meet with upper administration, teaching demo, etc.  The problem?  The topic they gave me is not only one I specialize in, but in fact just taught in today's class!  I am going to alter it somewhat to incorporate more interactive materials.I've been down this road before, so I am taking it all in stride.  Mary Mulberry, who joined here, asked me how they would take my transitioning.  That will be seen should I be lucky enough to get the job.More to come.
    Jun 06, 2008 1051
  • 12 Apr 2010
    Home from ChicagoI went without any plans realy, kind of a last minute trip. Mere realy was sick, I think she was using tissue by the box. The plan was to just hang out with Mere for a few days & that's what I did. So I'm back home & already board so your going to get all the details.The drive down was going to be simple, I've got onstar. For highway driving it's great. As long as it takes a good route. I found out it doesn't. It took me off I94 & put me on a toll road through Indiana with a lot of constrution going on. The tolls started at 50 cents, than $1.50, than $3.00. I started thinking I was going to spend all my cash paying tolls.But all of a sudden I was in Chicago at least according to the signs. Soon I could see the skyline off in the distance & traffic was getting heavier. Evan at that distance you could see the sears tower. The route I took through downtown would have been real nice if it wasn't bumper to bumper. Driving in Chicago is a lot different than in Detroit. In Chicago to change lanes you don't turn on your blinker & ease over, no, you dart over not caring if you cut off the guy in the other lane. So when my onstar said to ease to the left ahead, well, when in rome, I heard a few horns but got to where I needed to be. As I said onstar doesn't pick the easiest route & it's not real exact about where the turns are. But I did make it to the motel & got checked in.More later.
    1158 Posted by Karen Brad
  • Home from ChicagoI went without any plans realy, kind of a last minute trip. Mere realy was sick, I think she was using tissue by the box. The plan was to just hang out with Mere for a few days & that's what I did. So I'm back home & already board so your going to get all the details.The drive down was going to be simple, I've got onstar. For highway driving it's great. As long as it takes a good route. I found out it doesn't. It took me off I94 & put me on a toll road through Indiana with a lot of constrution going on. The tolls started at 50 cents, than $1.50, than $3.00. I started thinking I was going to spend all my cash paying tolls.But all of a sudden I was in Chicago at least according to the signs. Soon I could see the skyline off in the distance & traffic was getting heavier. Evan at that distance you could see the sears tower. The route I took through downtown would have been real nice if it wasn't bumper to bumper. Driving in Chicago is a lot different than in Detroit. In Chicago to change lanes you don't turn on your blinker & ease over, no, you dart over not caring if you cut off the guy in the other lane. So when my onstar said to ease to the left ahead, well, when in rome, I heard a few horns but got to where I needed to be. As I said onstar doesn't pick the easiest route & it's not real exact about where the turns are. But I did make it to the motel & got checked in.More later.
    Apr 12, 2010 1158
  • 11 Jan 2014
    You know there are some things you NEVER forget.   As a child, I got 'picked on' a lot. I was always the object of some ridicule.   When you get older, you work to find a way to not be the object of ridicule. But it isn't always that easy. Sometimes you have to put it behind you.   When I went with a bunch of friends to a 'convention' I found myself getting laughed at...again. I wondered why am I doing this to myself? It didn't seem to make much sense.   As I looked at myself, I asked the same age-old questions. What was I doing? Why am I doing this? What do I hope to achieve?   After sitting on a stool with a wonderful woman who wanted nothing more than to make ME look amazing, I realized that I was wallowing in self-pity and self-ignorance. I am not *quite* ready to make the great "breakout" but I see things differently too.   Shaunda (my makeup artist) never blinked an eye at me. She just made suggestions and I told her to practice her art. I was never so pampered in all my life. I went out afterwards to dinner and I felt the glow of being *me* and being happy.   Happiness has been elusive since then, but the way I was treated made me feel superb. It's not like I have not found opportunities to feel happy since, but the amazing feeling of being pampered is not to be missed. Every girl should feel this way!   I have found that girls who cast aside the thoughts of your gender and want to make YOU look (and feel) beautiful are the LEAST subjective, the LEAST opinionated and the LEAST judgemental. They instead ask "what sort of foundation do you want to wear?" or "do you like this mascara?" I love having a makeover!   I remember feeling alone as a child, friends were few and far between. My best friend lived miles away. But, now I have friends who are eager to see me, eager to practice on a willing "model" and sit and talk to me about whatever comes to mind.   Elephants never forget but maybe a girl can learn to apply wisdom to learn not everything is worth remembering!
    987 Posted by Samantha Erica
  • You know there are some things you NEVER forget.   As a child, I got 'picked on' a lot. I was always the object of some ridicule.   When you get older, you work to find a way to not be the object of ridicule. But it isn't always that easy. Sometimes you have to put it behind you.   When I went with a bunch of friends to a 'convention' I found myself getting laughed at...again. I wondered why am I doing this to myself? It didn't seem to make much sense.   As I looked at myself, I asked the same age-old questions. What was I doing? Why am I doing this? What do I hope to achieve?   After sitting on a stool with a wonderful woman who wanted nothing more than to make ME look amazing, I realized that I was wallowing in self-pity and self-ignorance. I am not *quite* ready to make the great "breakout" but I see things differently too.   Shaunda (my makeup artist) never blinked an eye at me. She just made suggestions and I told her to practice her art. I was never so pampered in all my life. I went out afterwards to dinner and I felt the glow of being *me* and being happy.   Happiness has been elusive since then, but the way I was treated made me feel superb. It's not like I have not found opportunities to feel happy since, but the amazing feeling of being pampered is not to be missed. Every girl should feel this way!   I have found that girls who cast aside the thoughts of your gender and want to make YOU look (and feel) beautiful are the LEAST subjective, the LEAST opinionated and the LEAST judgemental. They instead ask "what sort of foundation do you want to wear?" or "do you like this mascara?" I love having a makeover!   I remember feeling alone as a child, friends were few and far between. My best friend lived miles away. But, now I have friends who are eager to see me, eager to practice on a willing "model" and sit and talk to me about whatever comes to mind.   Elephants never forget but maybe a girl can learn to apply wisdom to learn not everything is worth remembering!
    Jan 11, 2014 987
  • 09 Nov 2023
    Today Ariane drove to Horsham, 20 miles southeast, to meet Angela whom I met online. Angela is now separated and on her own at home so is able to dress more or less full-time.    Angela knows Horsham better than me so she led us into a shopping precinct where we stopped for lunch and a chat. That was fine for both of us. Either people didn't realise who we are, or didn't take any notice, or if they did realise, they just smiled and treated us like we were normal. Which we are.    We had a nice conversation about our situations and way of life. Then I headed off to the bathroom (remembering to walk into the Ladies side). After lunch we walked out through the centre of Horsham and Angela gave me a brief tourist guide. It's an interesting town and feels like a safe place to be.    It felt very natural and comfortable for me to be out as Ariane. It feels like I've made a breakthrough over the past month. Looking forward to the next adventure. Although I will have to compromise on the heels for my planned hill-walk as Ariane. 
    130 Posted by Ariane Durand
  • Today Ariane drove to Horsham, 20 miles southeast, to meet Angela whom I met online. Angela is now separated and on her own at home so is able to dress more or less full-time.    Angela knows Horsham better than me so she led us into a shopping precinct where we stopped for lunch and a chat. That was fine for both of us. Either people didn't realise who we are, or didn't take any notice, or if they did realise, they just smiled and treated us like we were normal. Which we are.    We had a nice conversation about our situations and way of life. Then I headed off to the bathroom (remembering to walk into the Ladies side). After lunch we walked out through the centre of Horsham and Angela gave me a brief tourist guide. It's an interesting town and feels like a safe place to be.    It felt very natural and comfortable for me to be out as Ariane. It feels like I've made a breakthrough over the past month. Looking forward to the next adventure. Although I will have to compromise on the heels for my planned hill-walk as Ariane. 
    Nov 09, 2023 130