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  • 17 Apr 2014
    Ever since I was 15 years old I oftan dreamed about beeing married . as a teenager in high school I did like most kids and daydreamed alot about things i wanted to do or places I wanted to visit . Out of all the daydreaming I did then I mostly thought about one thing and that was to be married to a wonderful person . I would spend hours sometimes thinking about where i would like to have my wedding eather in a church or outside somewhere speacial. Oneday I got the idea to hold my wedding "At sea " but after thinking about all who would be attending it would be very costly ,So I came up with a better solution. My solution to the problem was easy because of where I was that day I thought of it . I had been to our local warf where we have this tour boat and its been known to host weddings befor . So this was my idea to be married on boad "The Chief Commanda II " at sea but in fact in the middle of a our lake Nippissing . For the longest time since i was 15 this was just what some call "a pipe" dream and I thought that day may never come . Well Im now 42 and Im happy to say that my biggest dream in life is about to come true for me. at one point i had lost all hope in finding that someone for me and I assumed that most likely I would die alone . I beleave in dreams and ive never totaly lost faith in them and i can t beleave ill be marrieing the most wonderful person in the world !! I dedicate this blogg to my darling "Elena " I love you !!
    587 Posted by Karen Tea
  • Ever since I was 15 years old I oftan dreamed about beeing married . as a teenager in high school I did like most kids and daydreamed alot about things i wanted to do or places I wanted to visit . Out of all the daydreaming I did then I mostly thought about one thing and that was to be married to a wonderful person . I would spend hours sometimes thinking about where i would like to have my wedding eather in a church or outside somewhere speacial. Oneday I got the idea to hold my wedding "At sea " but after thinking about all who would be attending it would be very costly ,So I came up with a better solution. My solution to the problem was easy because of where I was that day I thought of it . I had been to our local warf where we have this tour boat and its been known to host weddings befor . So this was my idea to be married on boad "The Chief Commanda II " at sea but in fact in the middle of a our lake Nippissing . For the longest time since i was 15 this was just what some call "a pipe" dream and I thought that day may never come . Well Im now 42 and Im happy to say that my biggest dream in life is about to come true for me. at one point i had lost all hope in finding that someone for me and I assumed that most likely I would die alone . I beleave in dreams and ive never totaly lost faith in them and i can t beleave ill be marrieing the most wonderful person in the world !! I dedicate this blogg to my darling "Elena " I love you !!
    Apr 17, 2014 587
  • 31 May 2015
    Turns out life does not begin at 40, it begins at 42 and three quarters. At least that's how it's feeling to me. I have known all my life that I am female. As a child no one cared how you acted but as I grew up family, school and all the world, it seemed, decided it was best for me to be a man, it's what I look like after all :( At times I have tried to be this, everyone longs for acceptance and it was one of those times that has brought my life to a head and ended my fear in confronting myself and who I am. Around a year ago I made a resolution to give up my feminine interests and to try hard to be a happy successful man. I got rid of everything, clothes, shoes, even half way stuff. I tried to take pride in male fashion and appearance, vowed to workout more and build a muscular physique, grew a beard kept my hair clipped and thinking it would be a male sport, took up martial arts. I was wrong about the martial arts class (some nights there are more women than men!) and a deep trusting friendship began between myself and a woman. She was going through a difficult divorce, escaping a very controlling marriage and a repressed life. I could empathise with that and in her darker moments I kept her company through coffees, shopping and phone messages. She made it quite clear that she was not looking for a relationship, just company and that was good by me. I am caring, genuine and kind hearted in my nature and through that people often want to help me. Like many she could see the sadness in my eyes and wanted to boost my confidence. She was going through a tough time and longed for physical closeness which she got through close friendships with men but non committing. So to help my confidence she started to flirt, to show me I have desirability by women. So new years eve, totally out the blue after all we'd said about just being friends. She kissed and caressed me and I her. It was awkward and rigid but the kissing and closeness was nice but it felt completely wrong. I sent out some pretty confusing signals after that and I don't think we talked for a week or more. I hadn't been physically close to anyone in ten years and the rising confusion mulled in with an ever increasing panic of increasing isolation brewed in my head until it became too much. Following a stressful incident at work I had a mental breakdown. I just felt so lost and condemned to live a life that dosent belong to me. I became suicidal. It was not the first time, though I'm no drama queen. I thought I was alone. I don't mean that I didn't know other women were going through this, just that Noone was reachable by me. Turns out I was wrong and a great many of my friends, despite my best efforts refused to let go. What happened next was unexpected but so very welcome. ♥
    918 Posted by Andie Priscilla Swainson
  • Turns out life does not begin at 40, it begins at 42 and three quarters. At least that's how it's feeling to me. I have known all my life that I am female. As a child no one cared how you acted but as I grew up family, school and all the world, it seemed, decided it was best for me to be a man, it's what I look like after all :( At times I have tried to be this, everyone longs for acceptance and it was one of those times that has brought my life to a head and ended my fear in confronting myself and who I am. Around a year ago I made a resolution to give up my feminine interests and to try hard to be a happy successful man. I got rid of everything, clothes, shoes, even half way stuff. I tried to take pride in male fashion and appearance, vowed to workout more and build a muscular physique, grew a beard kept my hair clipped and thinking it would be a male sport, took up martial arts. I was wrong about the martial arts class (some nights there are more women than men!) and a deep trusting friendship began between myself and a woman. She was going through a difficult divorce, escaping a very controlling marriage and a repressed life. I could empathise with that and in her darker moments I kept her company through coffees, shopping and phone messages. She made it quite clear that she was not looking for a relationship, just company and that was good by me. I am caring, genuine and kind hearted in my nature and through that people often want to help me. Like many she could see the sadness in my eyes and wanted to boost my confidence. She was going through a tough time and longed for physical closeness which she got through close friendships with men but non committing. So to help my confidence she started to flirt, to show me I have desirability by women. So new years eve, totally out the blue after all we'd said about just being friends. She kissed and caressed me and I her. It was awkward and rigid but the kissing and closeness was nice but it felt completely wrong. I sent out some pretty confusing signals after that and I don't think we talked for a week or more. I hadn't been physically close to anyone in ten years and the rising confusion mulled in with an ever increasing panic of increasing isolation brewed in my head until it became too much. Following a stressful incident at work I had a mental breakdown. I just felt so lost and condemned to live a life that dosent belong to me. I became suicidal. It was not the first time, though I'm no drama queen. I thought I was alone. I don't mean that I didn't know other women were going through this, just that Noone was reachable by me. Turns out I was wrong and a great many of my friends, despite my best efforts refused to let go. What happened next was unexpected but so very welcome. ♥
    May 31, 2015 918
  • 09 Jun 2013
    So I talked with my father for a while today. From how he speaks he is one step away from disowning me. He does not support this, he does not like it, and he does not ever want to talk about it again. Figuring out how he would react, not a good idea. *hangs head* I feel like I let so many people down.
    604 Posted by Lorelei S.
  • So I talked with my father for a while today. From how he speaks he is one step away from disowning me. He does not support this, he does not like it, and he does not ever want to talk about it again. Figuring out how he would react, not a good idea. *hangs head* I feel like I let so many people down.
    Jun 09, 2013 604
  • 05 Jun 2014
    Oh god girls I think i'm having depressionn problems.  some times I am so excited about being Shirley I can't stand it.  Other times I have oppertunities to be Shirley with places to go but I just can't seem to get up the steaam to do it.  I know just enough about what manic depression is (a friend is a manic depressive person) to as they say "be dangerous."  Could I have the problem too?  Maybe that's why I am having so much trouble making up my mind asbout transitioning.  I think I look OK and I evan have great cloths especially shoes.  I'll tell you the story about that later.  So how do you kick your self in the butt to get going again?  I don't even know if I can recognize that I'm having the blues do any of you? Love Shirley  
    686 Posted by Shirley Owen
  • Oh god girls I think i'm having depressionn problems.  some times I am so excited about being Shirley I can't stand it.  Other times I have oppertunities to be Shirley with places to go but I just can't seem to get up the steaam to do it.  I know just enough about what manic depression is (a friend is a manic depressive person) to as they say "be dangerous."  Could I have the problem too?  Maybe that's why I am having so much trouble making up my mind asbout transitioning.  I think I look OK and I evan have great cloths especially shoes.  I'll tell you the story about that later.  So how do you kick your self in the butt to get going again?  I don't even know if I can recognize that I'm having the blues do any of you? Love Shirley  
    Jun 05, 2014 686
  • 10 Jul 2014
    Well, I've spent a lot of time thinking about outting myself at work. I'm not sure how this will go. I could be fired on the spot because I live in a "fire at will" state and have no contractual agreement between myself and the people that I work for. I want to move forward with my transition and I can't really do that without coming out. I don't have that many friends but I'm sure I will lose some once I'm out. Some people might say "Youi're too old" or Why do you need to do that now, at his point in your life?" Just once in my life I would like mind and body to be on the same page. Just once, I want to look in the mirror and like who I see looking back at me. Warts and all. I don't ever expect to find love again but friendship and kindness would be wonderful. A hand to hold, a smile. I guess we'll find out where I go from here. Wish me luck...
  • Well, I've spent a lot of time thinking about outting myself at work. I'm not sure how this will go. I could be fired on the spot because I live in a "fire at will" state and have no contractual agreement between myself and the people that I work for. I want to move forward with my transition and I can't really do that without coming out. I don't have that many friends but I'm sure I will lose some once I'm out. Some people might say "Youi're too old" or Why do you need to do that now, at his point in your life?" Just once in my life I would like mind and body to be on the same page. Just once, I want to look in the mirror and like who I see looking back at me. Warts and all. I don't ever expect to find love again but friendship and kindness would be wonderful. A hand to hold, a smile. I guess we'll find out where I go from here. Wish me luck...
    Jul 10, 2014 669
  • 08 Sep 2014
    My friends comment when I told him was. “Rose no one does complicated like you.” At that time I had to agree with him, my change of address, change of job, change of career, starting my new career at the foot of the ladder was complicated for me but I managed to stay sane, I think, and grow in confidence and yes I'm still learning to be me, a lifetimes learning telescoped into 2 years, so far has allowed me to live my life as I want to be. Yes I'm miss-gendered daily; well I work with older people and in truth my voice needs a lot of work before it will pass however with my work colleagues, managers  and professionals I work with  it's different because to them I believe I am just one of the girls and for that I am very very happy and thankful.     One comment I hear a lot is you must be very brave and really that is what this blogs about because no I'm not brave, I was desperate I could not live my old life anymore and the need to do something was very very real.. I bet most of you who have are in the process like me or have transitioned or are thinking about it, have had the same feelings. Telling people this is not easy so I just say no braver than anyone else. I am also told sometime be people I meet socially. “I  like you, it must be hard being different.” That one hurts I don’t want to be different not in the way they mean I am different but no more than we all as human beings are different,  every one of us is unique and that is something worth celebrating. I want to be your ordinary /extraordinary? real woman getting on with her life having a circle of friends to do girls nights out etc.  I am different and yes I do understand from the perspective of most people I am different but I myself do not believe I am that different. At work and in my volunteering roles am making positive improvements to people's life, small changes that I can do words, support, help and things that help them, I love being able to help and be caring not just a carer, there is no one who can be a carer without caring really. (It’s a hard job not financially rewarding, at least not in the UK, but rewarding non the less).     OK where is this going? you ask and you would be right to ask this because really this blogs about how we can change people’s attitudes to us and in us I mean all of us that are seeking to: make are thinking, are fighting internal battles, are constrained, want or have made changes to bring our public us in line with our internal us. It is us the we who can help to bring positive changes so that people do not say we are brave and instead accept us as part of the gender we wish to be seen as. I do try to be a good person it's who I am really and I'm me a fledgling on the pathway still waiting to get those magical medical words "Yes you can start your hormones" and then later yes you can have the op you so so want.     I will leave you with this thought really all of us have our own battles or own successes and our own setbacks but we know why we started on the road we have; and some of us know where we think we want to get to others are less sure. I just hope that the road is a smooth one for you and to tell you that together we are stronger and if we all help each other; then the road will be an easier one for us all. I know that the help many of you on the this site both past and present have given me, really helped make my journey an easier one so thank you so so much for your love and friendship xxxxx
    1612 Posted by Rose Cox
  • My friends comment when I told him was. “Rose no one does complicated like you.” At that time I had to agree with him, my change of address, change of job, change of career, starting my new career at the foot of the ladder was complicated for me but I managed to stay sane, I think, and grow in confidence and yes I'm still learning to be me, a lifetimes learning telescoped into 2 years, so far has allowed me to live my life as I want to be. Yes I'm miss-gendered daily; well I work with older people and in truth my voice needs a lot of work before it will pass however with my work colleagues, managers  and professionals I work with  it's different because to them I believe I am just one of the girls and for that I am very very happy and thankful.     One comment I hear a lot is you must be very brave and really that is what this blogs about because no I'm not brave, I was desperate I could not live my old life anymore and the need to do something was very very real.. I bet most of you who have are in the process like me or have transitioned or are thinking about it, have had the same feelings. Telling people this is not easy so I just say no braver than anyone else. I am also told sometime be people I meet socially. “I  like you, it must be hard being different.” That one hurts I don’t want to be different not in the way they mean I am different but no more than we all as human beings are different,  every one of us is unique and that is something worth celebrating. I want to be your ordinary /extraordinary? real woman getting on with her life having a circle of friends to do girls nights out etc.  I am different and yes I do understand from the perspective of most people I am different but I myself do not believe I am that different. At work and in my volunteering roles am making positive improvements to people's life, small changes that I can do words, support, help and things that help them, I love being able to help and be caring not just a carer, there is no one who can be a carer without caring really. (It’s a hard job not financially rewarding, at least not in the UK, but rewarding non the less).     OK where is this going? you ask and you would be right to ask this because really this blogs about how we can change people’s attitudes to us and in us I mean all of us that are seeking to: make are thinking, are fighting internal battles, are constrained, want or have made changes to bring our public us in line with our internal us. It is us the we who can help to bring positive changes so that people do not say we are brave and instead accept us as part of the gender we wish to be seen as. I do try to be a good person it's who I am really and I'm me a fledgling on the pathway still waiting to get those magical medical words "Yes you can start your hormones" and then later yes you can have the op you so so want.     I will leave you with this thought really all of us have our own battles or own successes and our own setbacks but we know why we started on the road we have; and some of us know where we think we want to get to others are less sure. I just hope that the road is a smooth one for you and to tell you that together we are stronger and if we all help each other; then the road will be an easier one for us all. I know that the help many of you on the this site both past and present have given me, really helped make my journey an easier one so thank you so so much for your love and friendship xxxxx
    Sep 08, 2014 1612
  • 06 Nov 2014
    My son - approaching five years old, has expressed a desire to own the dress from Disney's 'Frozen'. I listen to my wife explain this to me, and she discourages me from reacting insensitively to his request. I feign indifference but inwardly recoil, not because of some macho reaction to my son's current proclivity towards Princess dresses, but in fear that this might be more than a child-like intrigue. I would not wish him to be as troubled as me. I too am frozen for the moment but warmly loving.
    1326 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • My son - approaching five years old, has expressed a desire to own the dress from Disney's 'Frozen'. I listen to my wife explain this to me, and she discourages me from reacting insensitively to his request. I feign indifference but inwardly recoil, not because of some macho reaction to my son's current proclivity towards Princess dresses, but in fear that this might be more than a child-like intrigue. I would not wish him to be as troubled as me. I too am frozen for the moment but warmly loving.
    Nov 06, 2014 1326
  • 24 Dec 2014
    So this is Christmas.   My Grateful List:   1. i'm grateful i found this place and that you all have been so kind to me. 2. i'm grateful that I see a little bit more of marissa every day when i look in the mirror. 3. i'm grateful for the roof over my head and the food i eat. 4. i'm grateful for my ugly grrrrls and for the love they show me no matter what. 5. i'm grateful that just maybe sometime soon, i might be the person i have always been inside. 6. i'm grateful for the support of my friends who love me warts and all.   some other thoughts...   my profession taught me long ago that people's live can change forver in a matter of seconds... that terrible things happen to good people...   People may know that you love them uncondtionally but they still need to hear from you...   Never walk out the door without telling the people that you love that you love them...   Never go to bed angry...   Never say things in anger that you will regret later. The people you love will remember your words long after they have forgotten your apology...   Do the right things...even when no one is looking.   Don't undermine your partner in front of your children...   Always remember that your kids learn what they live...   An ounce of tolerance can go a long, long way...   No one expects you to be perfect, you shouldn't either...   I truly hope that all your Christmas wishes are answered. Thank you for allowing me to be here and to be with you all. I wish you all the best today and always.
  • So this is Christmas.   My Grateful List:   1. i'm grateful i found this place and that you all have been so kind to me. 2. i'm grateful that I see a little bit more of marissa every day when i look in the mirror. 3. i'm grateful for the roof over my head and the food i eat. 4. i'm grateful for my ugly grrrrls and for the love they show me no matter what. 5. i'm grateful that just maybe sometime soon, i might be the person i have always been inside. 6. i'm grateful for the support of my friends who love me warts and all.   some other thoughts...   my profession taught me long ago that people's live can change forver in a matter of seconds... that terrible things happen to good people...   People may know that you love them uncondtionally but they still need to hear from you...   Never walk out the door without telling the people that you love that you love them...   Never go to bed angry...   Never say things in anger that you will regret later. The people you love will remember your words long after they have forgotten your apology...   Do the right things...even when no one is looking.   Don't undermine your partner in front of your children...   Always remember that your kids learn what they live...   An ounce of tolerance can go a long, long way...   No one expects you to be perfect, you shouldn't either...   I truly hope that all your Christmas wishes are answered. Thank you for allowing me to be here and to be with you all. I wish you all the best today and always.
    Dec 24, 2014 644
  • 20 Oct 2015
    I am sitting here in panties, yoga pants, and a cute little blue t-shirt top with cropped arms and sailboats emblazoned across the front. Not the sexiest outfit in the world, but I’m not looking for sex. Just doing laundry and cooking some dinner. Like any other woman in the world. Whether we admit it or not, how we dress can be an important component to our identities as transwomen. And, how transwomen dress is the subject of so many stereotypes and cliches that folks are often disturbed to find out that most of us dress like plain ol’ regular everyday women. Sure, those stereotypes and cliches do exist, and that is okay. There is room enough for all of us in this gargantuan tent known as gender identity. However, there is a point for many of us at which the clothing choices cease to have any bearing on our gender identity. (I’ve changed clothes, by the way. Unflattering pajama pants and a sports team t-shirt. Dinner is done, the dishes are washed. Laundry is still going.) When I was five-years-old, I slipped on a pair of my mom’s flats and walked into the living where where she and my dad sat watching television with my little brother. I looked up at my mom, and said, “I want to be a girl.” Her response was to ask me why. I told her, “Because they get to wear all the good clothes.” At five-years-old, clothes represented everything I knew about girls. Everything. I had no idea about their genitalia, and it being sooooo many years prior to the Internet, I had no way of find out. Girls wore pretty clothes. They jumped rope. They told secrets to each other. Girls were pretty. I really wanted to be a pretty girl. Fast forward about forty years or so. I am working in Saudi Arabia, where transgenderism can get you thrown in prison and awarded a multitude of lashes to be meted out in public. I had no girl clothes. Life hadn’t gone the way I planned, and I never became the woman I wanted to be. I fell in love and was working to ensure life went well for others. But, my female identity didn’t disappear. In fact, if anything, it strengthened because I realized that being female was who I was. As a person. Clothes didn’t matter. Breasts didn’t matter. Genitalia didn’t matter. I was - I am - a woman. Clothes are, and always will be, an important part of the transgender community. We all love to get gussied up and go out. For some, the clothes are the thing. For others, the facade is the thing. For still others, they’re simply clothes.
    2402 Posted by Jessi Grace
  • I am sitting here in panties, yoga pants, and a cute little blue t-shirt top with cropped arms and sailboats emblazoned across the front. Not the sexiest outfit in the world, but I’m not looking for sex. Just doing laundry and cooking some dinner. Like any other woman in the world. Whether we admit it or not, how we dress can be an important component to our identities as transwomen. And, how transwomen dress is the subject of so many stereotypes and cliches that folks are often disturbed to find out that most of us dress like plain ol’ regular everyday women. Sure, those stereotypes and cliches do exist, and that is okay. There is room enough for all of us in this gargantuan tent known as gender identity. However, there is a point for many of us at which the clothing choices cease to have any bearing on our gender identity. (I’ve changed clothes, by the way. Unflattering pajama pants and a sports team t-shirt. Dinner is done, the dishes are washed. Laundry is still going.) When I was five-years-old, I slipped on a pair of my mom’s flats and walked into the living where where she and my dad sat watching television with my little brother. I looked up at my mom, and said, “I want to be a girl.” Her response was to ask me why. I told her, “Because they get to wear all the good clothes.” At five-years-old, clothes represented everything I knew about girls. Everything. I had no idea about their genitalia, and it being sooooo many years prior to the Internet, I had no way of find out. Girls wore pretty clothes. They jumped rope. They told secrets to each other. Girls were pretty. I really wanted to be a pretty girl. Fast forward about forty years or so. I am working in Saudi Arabia, where transgenderism can get you thrown in prison and awarded a multitude of lashes to be meted out in public. I had no girl clothes. Life hadn’t gone the way I planned, and I never became the woman I wanted to be. I fell in love and was working to ensure life went well for others. But, my female identity didn’t disappear. In fact, if anything, it strengthened because I realized that being female was who I was. As a person. Clothes didn’t matter. Breasts didn’t matter. Genitalia didn’t matter. I was - I am - a woman. Clothes are, and always will be, an important part of the transgender community. We all love to get gussied up and go out. For some, the clothes are the thing. For others, the facade is the thing. For still others, they’re simply clothes.
    Oct 20, 2015 2402
  • 04 Feb 2012
    Afew months ago in the  chatroom  a  question came  to  me  by a member who  asked. "Why Do you  come  here ??    at the  time  I had  not  replyed  why  I do  come  here.  So   I thought I  would  give it a  try  and  tell  you  all why  .   One  of  my  biggiest  reasions  why  I  come  here  is  to  meet and make  friends with thoes  who are  wanting  to  be  who they  are. for  Me  Its  not  so  easy  as  some  here  in other  countries think . I am  the  only  CD for  at  least  200 to  400  Km . another  reasion  is  I come  for  the  support from  others  here and  I  love  to  chat . My  last  and  final  reasion  is  I love  to  help  others  with there problems .
    773 Posted by Karen Tea
  • Afew months ago in the  chatroom  a  question came  to  me  by a member who  asked. "Why Do you  come  here ??    at the  time  I had  not  replyed  why  I do  come  here.  So   I thought I  would  give it a  try  and  tell  you  all why  .   One  of  my  biggiest  reasions  why  I  come  here  is  to  meet and make  friends with thoes  who are  wanting  to  be  who they  are. for  Me  Its  not  so  easy  as  some  here  in other  countries think . I am  the  only  CD for  at  least  200 to  400  Km . another  reasion  is  I come  for  the  support from  others  here and  I  love  to  chat . My  last  and  final  reasion  is  I love  to  help  others  with there problems .
    Feb 04, 2012 773