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  • 30 Jun 2011
    Well ..... as the title tells you, yes ...... much to my own surprise, as well as your's ..... I'm still hanging on to this mortal coil!!   To those of you who remember me from a few years ago, when I was active here, and whom I "fell out of touch with", my heartfelt apologies... I really had so much going on with my life (or lack of it, it seemed at times), that I just had to look after "number one", and get my health back into some sort of state that I could consider a future, rather than the supposed lack of a future that was stareing me in the face!!!   As some of you will know, in January '09, I suffered a heart attack, and, thankfully, with the rapid and excellent work of the hospital doctors and staff, I (obviously!) survived! But, during my recovery, my overall health was being very carefully monitored, and, due to this, various other problems were discovered ..... the main one being that I had serious liver problems as well !!   Since then, I've had coronary surgery, and I'm getting treatment for the liver probs, but all this, and other health problems, has meant that almost exclusively, my life has been centred on medical matters.   This, of course, has meant some radical life changes for me. As some of you will remember, I was P.A. to a "rather well known" musician, and this provided me with rather a good lifestyle, but, unfortunately, I've had to give up work now, and this in turn has meant a rather more cir***spect and frugal life, though, it has to be said, with my health probs, that's probably no bad thing!!   But, assurance time ......... on a day by day basis, my health gives me no serious worries. So long as I don't "push it" and try to do too much, too fast, and act sensibly, everything seems to be livable with!   So ............. I know there's still loads to tell you, but, at the moment, I just wanted to "pop in" and say Hi, and apoplogise for being so out of touch for so long, but I hope you'll forgive me! I'll drop back in the next few days, and fill in a few of the details, and, hopefully, hear how everyone is getting on.   But, in the meantime, I just wanted to let you know what's been going on, and to forewarn you ............... ANGELA'S BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
    1598 Posted by Angela Louise
  • Well ..... as the title tells you, yes ...... much to my own surprise, as well as your's ..... I'm still hanging on to this mortal coil!!   To those of you who remember me from a few years ago, when I was active here, and whom I "fell out of touch with", my heartfelt apologies... I really had so much going on with my life (or lack of it, it seemed at times), that I just had to look after "number one", and get my health back into some sort of state that I could consider a future, rather than the supposed lack of a future that was stareing me in the face!!!   As some of you will know, in January '09, I suffered a heart attack, and, thankfully, with the rapid and excellent work of the hospital doctors and staff, I (obviously!) survived! But, during my recovery, my overall health was being very carefully monitored, and, due to this, various other problems were discovered ..... the main one being that I had serious liver problems as well !!   Since then, I've had coronary surgery, and I'm getting treatment for the liver probs, but all this, and other health problems, has meant that almost exclusively, my life has been centred on medical matters.   This, of course, has meant some radical life changes for me. As some of you will remember, I was P.A. to a "rather well known" musician, and this provided me with rather a good lifestyle, but, unfortunately, I've had to give up work now, and this in turn has meant a rather more cir***spect and frugal life, though, it has to be said, with my health probs, that's probably no bad thing!!   But, assurance time ......... on a day by day basis, my health gives me no serious worries. So long as I don't "push it" and try to do too much, too fast, and act sensibly, everything seems to be livable with!   So ............. I know there's still loads to tell you, but, at the moment, I just wanted to "pop in" and say Hi, and apoplogise for being so out of touch for so long, but I hope you'll forgive me! I'll drop back in the next few days, and fill in a few of the details, and, hopefully, hear how everyone is getting on.   But, in the meantime, I just wanted to let you know what's been going on, and to forewarn you ............... ANGELA'S BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
    Jun 30, 2011 1598
  • 18 Jul 2011
    To date my dressing has been reserved for a select few - I go out occasionally with my wife and on a couple of occasions my parents have come along for a meal. Recently my wife has suggested that when we go out with her work colleagues and friends I go as Alice and let my hair down. She had confided in them for support, and clearly they have been understanding otherwise she would not have suggested it. But to date I have not told any of my own friends.  I am really keen to take her up on the offer, but am worried about how public it will become. I have a lot to lose potentially from coming out completely. Some of my children do not know yet, my career would undoubtably be affected since there is little tolerance of transsexuality in secondary schools. I play in a band and even if the members of the band accepted it, it might make us a novelty act rather than a credible rhythm and blues band.    Obviously I dont need to be out in all situations, just socially. But I am of the opinion that once the gate is open I will be inclined to venture further and further into the field.   And the biggest thing I am in danger of losing is my wife - the very person who is encouraging me to come out more. She has said on many occasions that she married a man, not a woman. I am worried that she is encouraging me selflessly. And I dont want to take advantage of her suggestion, only to lose the best friend and soul mate I have.     Gosh, isnt life comlipicated when you go too far down the wrong path.       
    1618 Posted by Alice Miles
  • To date my dressing has been reserved for a select few - I go out occasionally with my wife and on a couple of occasions my parents have come along for a meal. Recently my wife has suggested that when we go out with her work colleagues and friends I go as Alice and let my hair down. She had confided in them for support, and clearly they have been understanding otherwise she would not have suggested it. But to date I have not told any of my own friends.  I am really keen to take her up on the offer, but am worried about how public it will become. I have a lot to lose potentially from coming out completely. Some of my children do not know yet, my career would undoubtably be affected since there is little tolerance of transsexuality in secondary schools. I play in a band and even if the members of the band accepted it, it might make us a novelty act rather than a credible rhythm and blues band.    Obviously I dont need to be out in all situations, just socially. But I am of the opinion that once the gate is open I will be inclined to venture further and further into the field.   And the biggest thing I am in danger of losing is my wife - the very person who is encouraging me to come out more. She has said on many occasions that she married a man, not a woman. I am worried that she is encouraging me selflessly. And I dont want to take advantage of her suggestion, only to lose the best friend and soul mate I have.     Gosh, isnt life comlipicated when you go too far down the wrong path.       
    Jul 18, 2011 1618
  • 28 Aug 2011
    Irene is making me so Wet...and I'm not the only one!
    1262 Posted by Diana Teague
  • Irene is making me so Wet...and I'm not the only one!
    Aug 28, 2011 1262
  • 06 Mar 2012
    Well my lovely sisters have done blogs ,so here goes,ha ha .Faye first suggested a group meet,I was very interested,not met any other girls before but not sure if the wife would ok it,really hoped she would.Desperate to meet my friends,the weeks past and the girls kept on at me if I was coming,soooo wanted to say definate yes but coud not,but after alot of groveling and negotiating I managed it ,YIPPEEE.was sooo exited and told the girls. Got it all planned out for the saturday,I was driving down going dressed as Jacqui,arranged to meet girls about noon at hotel hopefully .Packed my case night before everything ready for the off,sooo exited could not sleep wondered what the girls were up to.      Woke up early sat,had brekkie ,then a shower and full shave,with a big grin on my face. Then OMG ,cut my lip it would not stop bleeding ,what am I going to do awwwwwww,put some loo roll on it but kept falling off ,time was passing I am not going to get off ,can not put make up on till it stops,panic panic.Text Mon saying i was running late,cursing myself for cutting my self ,but a glimmer of hope its stopping.Got the make up on and got dressed,Jacqui had arrived and raring to go YIPPEE.       Coming from Yorkshire,tha no's,it was a long drive but put my foot down ,saw signs for Milton Keynes,getting exited now.Sat nav working ,never seen as many roundabouts,wheres it taking me,must be near now,hold on have past that once,think i am going in circles. Stopped near train station,text Mon HELP THINK I AM LOST NEAR TRAIN STATION reply SORRY WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS .reply to mon AARGH.       So went round again but took another exit of roundabout,YAYHAY just past hotel better turn round and go back .Was so relieved ,i had made it ,parked up and looked round where are the girls.Some one was walking towards my car ,I got out ,it was the lovely Debs reconised her straight away,awww Debs ,she said Jacqui,I replied Debs you ok,then Faye appeared looking lovely too,got my bags took me to reception to check  in ,passing some more girls coming out .
    1556 Posted by Jacqui G
  • Well my lovely sisters have done blogs ,so here goes,ha ha .Faye first suggested a group meet,I was very interested,not met any other girls before but not sure if the wife would ok it,really hoped she would.Desperate to meet my friends,the weeks past and the girls kept on at me if I was coming,soooo wanted to say definate yes but coud not,but after alot of groveling and negotiating I managed it ,YIPPEEE.was sooo exited and told the girls. Got it all planned out for the saturday,I was driving down going dressed as Jacqui,arranged to meet girls about noon at hotel hopefully .Packed my case night before everything ready for the off,sooo exited could not sleep wondered what the girls were up to.      Woke up early sat,had brekkie ,then a shower and full shave,with a big grin on my face. Then OMG ,cut my lip it would not stop bleeding ,what am I going to do awwwwwww,put some loo roll on it but kept falling off ,time was passing I am not going to get off ,can not put make up on till it stops,panic panic.Text Mon saying i was running late,cursing myself for cutting my self ,but a glimmer of hope its stopping.Got the make up on and got dressed,Jacqui had arrived and raring to go YIPPEE.       Coming from Yorkshire,tha no's,it was a long drive but put my foot down ,saw signs for Milton Keynes,getting exited now.Sat nav working ,never seen as many roundabouts,wheres it taking me,must be near now,hold on have past that once,think i am going in circles. Stopped near train station,text Mon HELP THINK I AM LOST NEAR TRAIN STATION reply SORRY WE DON'T KNOW WHERE THAT IS .reply to mon AARGH.       So went round again but took another exit of roundabout,YAYHAY just past hotel better turn round and go back .Was so relieved ,i had made it ,parked up and looked round where are the girls.Some one was walking towards my car ,I got out ,it was the lovely Debs reconised her straight away,awww Debs ,she said Jacqui,I replied Debs you ok,then Faye appeared looking lovely too,got my bags took me to reception to check  in ,passing some more girls coming out .
    Mar 06, 2012 1556
  • 16 Dec 2013
    This  Blogg  May  "OFFEND "you  so  I advise thoes who can not handle  the  contents please do  not  read on .        It  has  come  to  my  attention  that we  have a  seriouse  problem  on this site that  needs to  be  adressed in some  fashion or  form . ive  have  made aware  that there are  "members  " here  who  do  not  like whats  beeing  discused in a  chat  room and  they  find what  beeing said eather in a  sexual mannor  or not  offencive .  Well I seem to  recall  joining this site because  others do  not apove of such  talks  between  "Adults". This was  one  reasion  why  I  joined  here  back in  08  and why  I m  still  here . I  feel if you  can not  handle whats  beeing  said  in any  chat  room you  should  not  be  in there  in the  first  place . I  ve  ben told this site does  not allow  kids  to be a  member that we are  All  adults  here  why not  behave as one  ? thats  meas  SEx  will  be  discused  Not  performed reasion why  no  CAMS !!  but  still  if  your  sqweemish  then please  dont ruin  it  for others  here  by  complaing about whats  beeing said. 
    749 Posted by Karen Tea
  • This  Blogg  May  "OFFEND "you  so  I advise thoes who can not handle  the  contents please do  not  read on .        It  has  come  to  my  attention  that we  have a  seriouse  problem  on this site that  needs to  be  adressed in some  fashion or  form . ive  have  made aware  that there are  "members  " here  who  do  not  like whats  beeing  discused in a  chat  room and  they  find what  beeing said eather in a  sexual mannor  or not  offencive .  Well I seem to  recall  joining this site because  others do  not apove of such  talks  between  "Adults". This was  one  reasion  why  I  joined  here  back in  08  and why  I m  still  here . I  feel if you  can not  handle whats  beeing  said  in any  chat  room you  should  not  be  in there  in the  first  place . I  ve  ben told this site does  not allow  kids  to be a  member that we are  All  adults  here  why not  behave as one  ? thats  meas  SEx  will  be  discused  Not  performed reasion why  no  CAMS !!  but  still  if  your  sqweemish  then please  dont ruin  it  for others  here  by  complaing about whats  beeing said. 
    Dec 16, 2013 749
  • 05 Jan 2014
    I'm going to start this with something that Lee wrote on her facebook page:   I want to send out my sincere sympathy to my amazing fiance and his family for the loss of an amazing lady. Doug s grandma passed away last night at 99 years young. She was an amazing lady with wonderful stories of the past that we could only imagine. She lived life to the fullest and will be missed. Family gatherings will never be the same. She will be truly missed. I am truly honored to have known this lady and to have had her in my life if only for a few short years. Rest in Peace you are in a better place and at gods side. — feeling sad in Tucson, AZ. She passed on New Years day. She will be missed so much by all of us. She was 99, and she worked, at least part time, until she was 91, when a minor stroke slowed her down..... a little.  She was a hair dresser, and she did other elderly womans hair around the community she lived in until her stroke. She lived with my family for a few years when I was growing up.  When I was around 9 or 10.  The service was yesterday.  It was a very nice service and her friends, neighbors, and employees from the place that she lived in, were there. I worry a lot about my mom, but she says she is doing okay.  There is a hole in all of our hearts. I didn't get to see her before she passed, words can't explain how that makes me feel. I couldn't get out of work.  Normally it wouldn't have been a problem.  I work with a crew of about 600 people that take care of about 200 government buildings. Almost all of those buildings are closed from Xmas eve, until Jan 2nd.  A hand full of buildings, health care, computer, and museums, stay open and about 10 line staff, and 3 or 4 of us supervisors have to work to keep things going.  I, unfortunetely am one that works every year.  I started trying to reach my boss around Dec 30th, I still haven't heard back from him. Things like this make you look at your life a little differently.  This is the part about the "hopefully, silver lining".  I have made a lot of progress in my life in the last four years, and have reached a point I never thought I would, but I am still not out to any of my family outside of my home.  My mom is 76, my sister is 55, and I am 50.  None of us is getting younger.  I decided somewhere in the middle of all of this, that I would feel really bad if I hadn't taken the steps to be fully out, and this happened to anyone else in my family.  I sat down a few days ago, and wrote a two page letter about my life, a coming out letter, and planned to give it to my sister after the service. I also went to the store and printed out four pictures of me to include with the letter.  I only see my family a few times a year.  They don't live a long way, but not down the street either.  It's about a two hour drive from where we are. After the service, I saw my sister alone, I told her I needed to talk to her outside.  With Lee by my side, I took her out to my car.  I told her I had a letter I had to give her, but she had to promise to read in in private, I was a real mess. Between the service, and being afraid I might be ending my place in the family, I was really upset.  My sister started getting really upset too, I think she thought something was physically wrong with me.  Lee told her, don't worry, no body else is dying.  It looked like she felt a little better after that, but she kept hugging me.  She told me it may be a couple days before she would be alone to read it, and there is that possibility that I will never hear from her after she does.  Between the loss of my grandmother, and the stress of not knowing the outcome of the letter, this is a very painful time in my life. Nothing can make the pain of the loss of my grandmother feel any less, but hopefully there will be a new beginning in my life too, from the letter.
    913 Posted by Briana Lynn Rekowski
  • I'm going to start this with something that Lee wrote on her facebook page:   I want to send out my sincere sympathy to my amazing fiance and his family for the loss of an amazing lady. Doug s grandma passed away last night at 99 years young. She was an amazing lady with wonderful stories of the past that we could only imagine. She lived life to the fullest and will be missed. Family gatherings will never be the same. She will be truly missed. I am truly honored to have known this lady and to have had her in my life if only for a few short years. Rest in Peace you are in a better place and at gods side. — feeling sad in Tucson, AZ. She passed on New Years day. She will be missed so much by all of us. She was 99, and she worked, at least part time, until she was 91, when a minor stroke slowed her down..... a little.  She was a hair dresser, and she did other elderly womans hair around the community she lived in until her stroke. She lived with my family for a few years when I was growing up.  When I was around 9 or 10.  The service was yesterday.  It was a very nice service and her friends, neighbors, and employees from the place that she lived in, were there. I worry a lot about my mom, but she says she is doing okay.  There is a hole in all of our hearts. I didn't get to see her before she passed, words can't explain how that makes me feel. I couldn't get out of work.  Normally it wouldn't have been a problem.  I work with a crew of about 600 people that take care of about 200 government buildings. Almost all of those buildings are closed from Xmas eve, until Jan 2nd.  A hand full of buildings, health care, computer, and museums, stay open and about 10 line staff, and 3 or 4 of us supervisors have to work to keep things going.  I, unfortunetely am one that works every year.  I started trying to reach my boss around Dec 30th, I still haven't heard back from him. Things like this make you look at your life a little differently.  This is the part about the "hopefully, silver lining".  I have made a lot of progress in my life in the last four years, and have reached a point I never thought I would, but I am still not out to any of my family outside of my home.  My mom is 76, my sister is 55, and I am 50.  None of us is getting younger.  I decided somewhere in the middle of all of this, that I would feel really bad if I hadn't taken the steps to be fully out, and this happened to anyone else in my family.  I sat down a few days ago, and wrote a two page letter about my life, a coming out letter, and planned to give it to my sister after the service. I also went to the store and printed out four pictures of me to include with the letter.  I only see my family a few times a year.  They don't live a long way, but not down the street either.  It's about a two hour drive from where we are. After the service, I saw my sister alone, I told her I needed to talk to her outside.  With Lee by my side, I took her out to my car.  I told her I had a letter I had to give her, but she had to promise to read in in private, I was a real mess. Between the service, and being afraid I might be ending my place in the family, I was really upset.  My sister started getting really upset too, I think she thought something was physically wrong with me.  Lee told her, don't worry, no body else is dying.  It looked like she felt a little better after that, but she kept hugging me.  She told me it may be a couple days before she would be alone to read it, and there is that possibility that I will never hear from her after she does.  Between the loss of my grandmother, and the stress of not knowing the outcome of the letter, this is a very painful time in my life. Nothing can make the pain of the loss of my grandmother feel any less, but hopefully there will be a new beginning in my life too, from the letter.
    Jan 05, 2014 913
  • 21 May 2016
    It's been awhile since I've last visited this site. How's everyone doing? I finally got the balls to get my hair cut lol. This was a big deal for me because I come from a religious family and my father is always looking at girls with short hair saying remarks like "Dyke on a bike" and "Carpet Muncher" so I thought if I got my hair cut he'd get mad and say that to me. I was worried over nothing though because my family actually likes my hair. My dad did seem shocked, but didn't turn out too bad. It feels so much better having hair like this and I feel one step closer to being myself. :)
    833 Posted by Kris McKinley
  • It's been awhile since I've last visited this site. How's everyone doing? I finally got the balls to get my hair cut lol. This was a big deal for me because I come from a religious family and my father is always looking at girls with short hair saying remarks like "Dyke on a bike" and "Carpet Muncher" so I thought if I got my hair cut he'd get mad and say that to me. I was worried over nothing though because my family actually likes my hair. My dad did seem shocked, but didn't turn out too bad. It feels so much better having hair like this and I feel one step closer to being myself. :)
    May 21, 2016 833
  • 19 Jan 2014
    As I sit here the house is full of the debris of illusion. My feet are aching a little from the pointed-toed kitten heels that are holding them in. A belt, clasped tight around my waist - which is actually dimunitive already, is present and curiously comforting. No bra because I have no breasts. Generously applied perfume tingles my senses and is gently heady. I've taken time today with my make-up and I've got it right I think. Let's be honest, that's not always the case is it? A new wig, purchased with brazen subterfuge ("I've been invited to a Hen Party..") albeit cheap, synthetic and end-of-line from a fashion from 2008, sits comfortably upon my head and I love it. Actually, I love everything about tonight and I take photographs in order to capture my happiness. Do share it with me. So I'm a transvestive then, dressing for a few hours relaxation and escape? No, I'm certain that I'm not, I'm a transexual and I so wish that this were not a moment in time, but a real period of life. I have no desire to take this stuff off, no desire for the night to end. In the mirror to my right I see the reflection of a woman (OK, I know that narcassistic but you got to take every advantage) and she seems happy, confident and at ease. She's not beautiful because her face shows signs of age in good light, but she's happy, and anyway smiles define us more than crevices. Within less than 18 hours life will return to normal when the family return, and within the bathroom the armoury that has taken her from drabness to solace lies strewn across the floor. A half-empty glass of Chardonnay has travelled from the bathroom to the desk at where she writes but that's the only thing that's been put away. The debris remains. It remains in her head. She's a woman in a man's body. She's a man within a world that accepts her as such but is undermined by her presence. She's too loving to undermine the faith and affection that she provides her wife and child and so she chooses to remain effeminately covert. Scratch the surface and she bleeds, cries and collapses because of the effort to sustain the carapace and to prevent the truth from becoming the body real. Oh how I enjoyed this evening, oh how happy I feel, how creatively and naturally free I sense I could become. I wish that my life were not a traipse over the debris that genetics have delivered. I wish that I had known then what I know now, and that prior to commitment and comformity that I had been informed and had been made real when life remained to be fully lived. I'll tidy up the debris eventually, but if you don't mind I might just stay here for a few hours and let the night become my suitor.  Sleep tight. x
    1013 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • As I sit here the house is full of the debris of illusion. My feet are aching a little from the pointed-toed kitten heels that are holding them in. A belt, clasped tight around my waist - which is actually dimunitive already, is present and curiously comforting. No bra because I have no breasts. Generously applied perfume tingles my senses and is gently heady. I've taken time today with my make-up and I've got it right I think. Let's be honest, that's not always the case is it? A new wig, purchased with brazen subterfuge ("I've been invited to a Hen Party..") albeit cheap, synthetic and end-of-line from a fashion from 2008, sits comfortably upon my head and I love it. Actually, I love everything about tonight and I take photographs in order to capture my happiness. Do share it with me. So I'm a transvestive then, dressing for a few hours relaxation and escape? No, I'm certain that I'm not, I'm a transexual and I so wish that this were not a moment in time, but a real period of life. I have no desire to take this stuff off, no desire for the night to end. In the mirror to my right I see the reflection of a woman (OK, I know that narcassistic but you got to take every advantage) and she seems happy, confident and at ease. She's not beautiful because her face shows signs of age in good light, but she's happy, and anyway smiles define us more than crevices. Within less than 18 hours life will return to normal when the family return, and within the bathroom the armoury that has taken her from drabness to solace lies strewn across the floor. A half-empty glass of Chardonnay has travelled from the bathroom to the desk at where she writes but that's the only thing that's been put away. The debris remains. It remains in her head. She's a woman in a man's body. She's a man within a world that accepts her as such but is undermined by her presence. She's too loving to undermine the faith and affection that she provides her wife and child and so she chooses to remain effeminately covert. Scratch the surface and she bleeds, cries and collapses because of the effort to sustain the carapace and to prevent the truth from becoming the body real. Oh how I enjoyed this evening, oh how happy I feel, how creatively and naturally free I sense I could become. I wish that my life were not a traipse over the debris that genetics have delivered. I wish that I had known then what I know now, and that prior to commitment and comformity that I had been informed and had been made real when life remained to be fully lived. I'll tidy up the debris eventually, but if you don't mind I might just stay here for a few hours and let the night become my suitor.  Sleep tight. x
    Jan 19, 2014 1013
  • 25 Nov 2012
    The alternative title for this could be 'Boxed In' This is a quick relfection upon the life of a closet dweller. I'm not going to pass any judgement here upon people in this situation, but for those who are not, or may have once passed through this gateway (sorry, bit of a clunky managament consultant term) it might serve to qualify where you are now in your own journey. My family have been away and so I have time to emerge for a while. At least between going to work. So on Thursday evening a long, luxuriant shower is taken. More aromatic than the masculine norm and heavenly as a result. Foam can become abundant and cloaking. I dare to shave my legs a little, small patches but a sensory indication of what the total loss might be like. I stop. Too difficult to explain that turkey. I towel dry and moisturise, slightly scented. Lovely. I'm disturbed by the prospect of aromatic bed-linen being discovered. I shower with rigour the following morning. Men's toiletries in abundance. Familiar clean odour for work. I plan the weekend between meetings and toil and curse the previous disposal of my wig. It'd be nice to take some new photographs, to allow hair length to obscure reality for a while. But that's a purchase that is too late to rectify. Home, another luxuriant shower. I watch the BBC Three documentary upon the 18 year transsexual beauty queen prior to sleeping. Sweet. Dreams don't transport me anywhere impractical. I go shopping on Saturday with specific aims and unspecific aspirations. I skirt the lingerie sections but decide not to purchase a new bra & knickers set because a secluded pile of clothes doesn't really represent sensible spending in a time of austerity. Whilst looking for shoes (mens) I flicker at christmas party heels and statement pieces. Once home I change. More care now. I imitate breasts and hips, I beg steal and borrow a look, and with great care make-up. I think I've become adept at make-up after all these years and tonight I think I get the balance right. My hair though is short and to the point. It reminds me of my failings and limitations. I take a few photographs but they resemble someone in trouble. A vulnerable person, attention seeking and anxious. She's also a little older now than she once was or dreams of being. A glass of wine (or two) and the X-Factor doesn't change this fact. Sunday morning is the return to the rational. To double-checking that secret activities remain so. That the make-up is clearly off. Did I mention that I'd trimmed my eye-brows last night? I anxious and wonder whether they are now too shapely - and my eyes look a little puffy from cleanser and sponges. Experience suggests that they will calm down during the day. I visit Gender Society again and hope for messages, contact or something to grasp. But you've got to give to get, and I don't give enough. So I write this. Self-imposed boundaries is a tricky title. I didn't choose to be what I am and I could of course remove the boundary entirely by revealing the truth. But some of us, many of us I suspect, are unable to do that because of existing commitments, fear or lack of self-conviction. There's no time to be down-beat. The sun is out my son is coming home too and I've worked to do. I must remember to change out of these leggings and navy-blue wrap over cardigan before I collect them, otherwise the next blog will be very different in deed. With hugs to all types. Rachel x 
    1518 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • The alternative title for this could be 'Boxed In' This is a quick relfection upon the life of a closet dweller. I'm not going to pass any judgement here upon people in this situation, but for those who are not, or may have once passed through this gateway (sorry, bit of a clunky managament consultant term) it might serve to qualify where you are now in your own journey. My family have been away and so I have time to emerge for a while. At least between going to work. So on Thursday evening a long, luxuriant shower is taken. More aromatic than the masculine norm and heavenly as a result. Foam can become abundant and cloaking. I dare to shave my legs a little, small patches but a sensory indication of what the total loss might be like. I stop. Too difficult to explain that turkey. I towel dry and moisturise, slightly scented. Lovely. I'm disturbed by the prospect of aromatic bed-linen being discovered. I shower with rigour the following morning. Men's toiletries in abundance. Familiar clean odour for work. I plan the weekend between meetings and toil and curse the previous disposal of my wig. It'd be nice to take some new photographs, to allow hair length to obscure reality for a while. But that's a purchase that is too late to rectify. Home, another luxuriant shower. I watch the BBC Three documentary upon the 18 year transsexual beauty queen prior to sleeping. Sweet. Dreams don't transport me anywhere impractical. I go shopping on Saturday with specific aims and unspecific aspirations. I skirt the lingerie sections but decide not to purchase a new bra & knickers set because a secluded pile of clothes doesn't really represent sensible spending in a time of austerity. Whilst looking for shoes (mens) I flicker at christmas party heels and statement pieces. Once home I change. More care now. I imitate breasts and hips, I beg steal and borrow a look, and with great care make-up. I think I've become adept at make-up after all these years and tonight I think I get the balance right. My hair though is short and to the point. It reminds me of my failings and limitations. I take a few photographs but they resemble someone in trouble. A vulnerable person, attention seeking and anxious. She's also a little older now than she once was or dreams of being. A glass of wine (or two) and the X-Factor doesn't change this fact. Sunday morning is the return to the rational. To double-checking that secret activities remain so. That the make-up is clearly off. Did I mention that I'd trimmed my eye-brows last night? I anxious and wonder whether they are now too shapely - and my eyes look a little puffy from cleanser and sponges. Experience suggests that they will calm down during the day. I visit Gender Society again and hope for messages, contact or something to grasp. But you've got to give to get, and I don't give enough. So I write this. Self-imposed boundaries is a tricky title. I didn't choose to be what I am and I could of course remove the boundary entirely by revealing the truth. But some of us, many of us I suspect, are unable to do that because of existing commitments, fear or lack of self-conviction. There's no time to be down-beat. The sun is out my son is coming home too and I've worked to do. I must remember to change out of these leggings and navy-blue wrap over cardigan before I collect them, otherwise the next blog will be very different in deed. With hugs to all types. Rachel x 
    Nov 25, 2012 1518
  • 10 May 2015
    Well, this has been an interesting week on my road to womanhood. It's amazing that until up to a few months ago, I was unaware that the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) Health Services provided services for transgendered veterans. Now I am actually getting assistance in my transition.   This week, I attended a group session on Monday. Thyis was my first time with the group session. I must say that I am getting much more comfortable going out "en femme." This time driving city streets round trip during rush hour. The group session is in the South Texas Veterans' Medical Center & Audie Murphy Memorial Veterans' Hospital. People were holding doors for me and I was getting a few "good afternoon, Ma'am" from patients & staff alike. Works great on a woman's ego.    On Wednesday, I had a bone density scan. The test was very short, only took about 15 minutes. I got a call from my endocrinology doctor about an hour or so later telling me the test come back good and to start taking the Spironolactone as prescribed. I will be on that for 3 months before I get Estrodiol and the physical changes that will bring.    Thursday was the twice-monthly meeting of the San Antonio Gender Association (SAGA), another trip during rush hour en femme. As I said, I am definitely getting more comfortable going out.   Today was our local election day, voting for Mayor, City Council, and a few rivisions to the city charter. Unfortunately because of texas voter-ID laws, I had to do that "en homme."   Well, that was the week that was. Have a great rest of the weekend, y'all!
    821 Posted by Daphne Anne Farr
  • Well, this has been an interesting week on my road to womanhood. It's amazing that until up to a few months ago, I was unaware that the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) Health Services provided services for transgendered veterans. Now I am actually getting assistance in my transition.   This week, I attended a group session on Monday. Thyis was my first time with the group session. I must say that I am getting much more comfortable going out "en femme." This time driving city streets round trip during rush hour. The group session is in the South Texas Veterans' Medical Center & Audie Murphy Memorial Veterans' Hospital. People were holding doors for me and I was getting a few "good afternoon, Ma'am" from patients & staff alike. Works great on a woman's ego.    On Wednesday, I had a bone density scan. The test was very short, only took about 15 minutes. I got a call from my endocrinology doctor about an hour or so later telling me the test come back good and to start taking the Spironolactone as prescribed. I will be on that for 3 months before I get Estrodiol and the physical changes that will bring.    Thursday was the twice-monthly meeting of the San Antonio Gender Association (SAGA), another trip during rush hour en femme. As I said, I am definitely getting more comfortable going out.   Today was our local election day, voting for Mayor, City Council, and a few rivisions to the city charter. Unfortunately because of texas voter-ID laws, I had to do that "en homme."   Well, that was the week that was. Have a great rest of the weekend, y'all!
    May 10, 2015 821