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  • 16 Aug 2018
    Hey Tomorrow we move home. I am surrounded by the clutter of life. The wardrobes that I have hidden within are now dismantled, gone. The attic is empty and devoid of carefully packaged garment boxes. Nooks and crannies capable of discretion are exposed and swept bare. The tiled bathroom remains, the place where the relaxed and released expression of a woman has been displayed most graphically. The ceramic counterpane of a softer self. Miss will miss this place. It was here that I first photographed and dared share Rachel with others, from here that I first opened up and understood what I am. As I haven't walked out fully dressed ever, there is anxiety, frustration and loneliness here too. Time to go now. Rachel x
    268 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Hey Tomorrow we move home. I am surrounded by the clutter of life. The wardrobes that I have hidden within are now dismantled, gone. The attic is empty and devoid of carefully packaged garment boxes. Nooks and crannies capable of discretion are exposed and swept bare. The tiled bathroom remains, the place where the relaxed and released expression of a woman has been displayed most graphically. The ceramic counterpane of a softer self. Miss will miss this place. It was here that I first photographed and dared share Rachel with others, from here that I first opened up and understood what I am. As I haven't walked out fully dressed ever, there is anxiety, frustration and loneliness here too. Time to go now. Rachel x
    Aug 16, 2018 268
  • 31 May 2018
    as an infrequent visitor to GS these months, i have some final thoughts on bottom surgery. mostly for those transitioning late in life, like me. ill hang around a bit longer if y'all have questions or comments. this may be my last post. while transitioning, before surgery, i met a 19 yo mtf transitioning. i was quite jealous bc she was going to experience most of what i did not, transitioning at an early age. she was/is quite beautiful, and have kind of lost contact with her, despite having mutual friends. She will go thru her twenties with so much to learn, and become a woman. anyway, and maybe this has a lot to do with my anxiety and depression, but i dont really really feel like a female, mostly like an imposter. i am a trans-female to be accurate. somewhere inbetween, with a foot in neither manhood nor womanhood. there is a yoga practice coming up where the movement is slow, and each woman is sketched by a female artist who "emphasizes the beauty of the female form." i am too scared to go to this, as i fear she will notice i am not very female in form. just a thin, straight body. with largish shoulders. so i wont go. just try to becrealistic on how you may feel after this surgery. i hated my male tackle, and was excited to get rid of its horribleness. but now i wonder if it was all necessary. just think about it before you decide. think about it a lot. best, robin
    446 Posted by robin w
  • By robin w
    as an infrequent visitor to GS these months, i have some final thoughts on bottom surgery. mostly for those transitioning late in life, like me. ill hang around a bit longer if y'all have questions or comments. this may be my last post. while transitioning, before surgery, i met a 19 yo mtf transitioning. i was quite jealous bc she was going to experience most of what i did not, transitioning at an early age. she was/is quite beautiful, and have kind of lost contact with her, despite having mutual friends. She will go thru her twenties with so much to learn, and become a woman. anyway, and maybe this has a lot to do with my anxiety and depression, but i dont really really feel like a female, mostly like an imposter. i am a trans-female to be accurate. somewhere inbetween, with a foot in neither manhood nor womanhood. there is a yoga practice coming up where the movement is slow, and each woman is sketched by a female artist who "emphasizes the beauty of the female form." i am too scared to go to this, as i fear she will notice i am not very female in form. just a thin, straight body. with largish shoulders. so i wont go. just try to becrealistic on how you may feel after this surgery. i hated my male tackle, and was excited to get rid of its horribleness. but now i wonder if it was all necessary. just think about it before you decide. think about it a lot. best, robin
    May 31, 2018 446
  • 29 May 2018
    Hello Ladies - This is the most monumental post I have ever had! I came out in a big way - I posted the following post on my facebook, which has been under my birth name as it had to for many complicated reasons ( and probably won't be for much longer I suspect ).  Nevertheless, here it is : I’ll begin with Hello. This is a conversation I have reflected on for the past 5 years. It is about a secret I have held for more than 40 years prior to that time – even longer than I have known all of you and even before I lived here where we went to school together. I suspect many of us have a side to ourselves that is relatively secret, private, et al. I am fortunate in one respect I have only one thing in my ‘closet’ per se ( which I have called the bubble for more years than I can count ).Somewhere between the ages of 7 and 10 I made a private vow over this secret, the rule, as I called it – ‘never speak of this, never write of this, ever’. It held fast for nearly 40 years.On that day, when I came out, it was like any other but many of the external pressures were non-existent in my life – I only had me to look at in the mirror for the first time. I will reintroduce myself so as to avoid any more inquisitive looks or boredom – honestly I do drag on a bit.Hello, may name is Briana Purcell. I am a transgender woman. I have seen myself as a girl since the age of 5. It is something I denied, lied, and ran from for decades. It was easy actually. In life we have only two critical questions to contemplate and act on : 1) Who am I? and 2) What do I do? I chose to mostly focus on question 2 for the bulk of my life. All of you in thinking on me might think of these things : She is a bike rider, academic, science geek, diabetic, writer, et al – all things I do – but I would avoid the question of how I see myself, the who am I part of it. I thought very long on this moment – do I say something or do as I have always imagined – one day move away to somewhere where I walk in my door as me and just measure time from that moment on? By pure chance I find myself at this moment – where I have a handful of facebook friends and even after I came out to one among you in an emotional search I see I have a choice to make. Let things go as they are, ie pretend, or allow you to see and know me, decide for yourself am I a friend you wish to have, and move on in time from there. Interestingly facebook has presented me with one of the considerations I have had – say for example there is a class reunion – in the last 20 years I have had no interest in showing up due mostly to this battle and now that I am just me, I thought about it – but have terrible fear. Independent of all things I realized I will always be me, Briana, regardless of who I meet, know, the things I do, and the places I go. Never in my life have I felt as balanced, whole, fully happy, and empowered. Some of the first words I spoke when I broke the rule standing in from of the mirror 5 years ago in a summer dress were these : ‘so this is how it is, this is who I am, … it’s okay…I’m okay’. In a single bat of an eye a wave of energy passed through my body and I felt electric and alive and elevated. It felt as if a large cement weight lifted off of me. If someone were to describe such things to me in the past, before this, I would just nod and say ‘sure, sure, understand’ when in truth I had never had such a feeling. It was easy trying to be what I do – seeing myself as arrogantly smart and not just being myself – a smart girl who can easily admit I most certainly do not know everything. In fact, believe it or not, when reflecting on my battles through the years with myself – nearly caught wearing this or that and the like, for the first time in my life I could laugh at myself. Things are moving along and quite nice in my part of the universe at present, more or less. I see doctors and the like and so far all is good. I still am looking for work, though there seems some barriers on that front – suggestions are welcomed, I have the books ( which clearly have at least one more editorial revision to make, namely author name ), and I have a deep-seated wish to have a few gal pal friends and so on.I could drone on with a million memories, events et al, but maybe I’ll write a tell all book one day ( lol ).Recognize I am still on the earliest of steps of this – there are those who have little to no information on this and must be kept that way due to life’s complications – unfortunately theirs and not mine. So I ask some discretion in your ever sharing of this. Thank you for listening ( ie reading ) and spending some time. I am glad to have come back across all of you. Note I may change my name on fb and the like too, this is all quite new to me - so some nervousness. thanksBriana : )     Note the inclusion of photos and all. The reaction has been priceless - I have been crying on and off through the day. Hormones can be a bit pushy. I had the oddity of coming across and being asked by a dozen or so high school friends - only one who knows - until now, at least. It was like going to a class reunion.  I will add to this as needed. Wow, wow, wow. All the best to everyone here.  Take Care hugs, Briana Purcell - the Galaxy Girl!!  
    329 Posted by Briana Purcell
  • Hello Ladies - This is the most monumental post I have ever had! I came out in a big way - I posted the following post on my facebook, which has been under my birth name as it had to for many complicated reasons ( and probably won't be for much longer I suspect ).  Nevertheless, here it is : I’ll begin with Hello. This is a conversation I have reflected on for the past 5 years. It is about a secret I have held for more than 40 years prior to that time – even longer than I have known all of you and even before I lived here where we went to school together. I suspect many of us have a side to ourselves that is relatively secret, private, et al. I am fortunate in one respect I have only one thing in my ‘closet’ per se ( which I have called the bubble for more years than I can count ).Somewhere between the ages of 7 and 10 I made a private vow over this secret, the rule, as I called it – ‘never speak of this, never write of this, ever’. It held fast for nearly 40 years.On that day, when I came out, it was like any other but many of the external pressures were non-existent in my life – I only had me to look at in the mirror for the first time. I will reintroduce myself so as to avoid any more inquisitive looks or boredom – honestly I do drag on a bit.Hello, may name is Briana Purcell. I am a transgender woman. I have seen myself as a girl since the age of 5. It is something I denied, lied, and ran from for decades. It was easy actually. In life we have only two critical questions to contemplate and act on : 1) Who am I? and 2) What do I do? I chose to mostly focus on question 2 for the bulk of my life. All of you in thinking on me might think of these things : She is a bike rider, academic, science geek, diabetic, writer, et al – all things I do – but I would avoid the question of how I see myself, the who am I part of it. I thought very long on this moment – do I say something or do as I have always imagined – one day move away to somewhere where I walk in my door as me and just measure time from that moment on? By pure chance I find myself at this moment – where I have a handful of facebook friends and even after I came out to one among you in an emotional search I see I have a choice to make. Let things go as they are, ie pretend, or allow you to see and know me, decide for yourself am I a friend you wish to have, and move on in time from there. Interestingly facebook has presented me with one of the considerations I have had – say for example there is a class reunion – in the last 20 years I have had no interest in showing up due mostly to this battle and now that I am just me, I thought about it – but have terrible fear. Independent of all things I realized I will always be me, Briana, regardless of who I meet, know, the things I do, and the places I go. Never in my life have I felt as balanced, whole, fully happy, and empowered. Some of the first words I spoke when I broke the rule standing in from of the mirror 5 years ago in a summer dress were these : ‘so this is how it is, this is who I am, … it’s okay…I’m okay’. In a single bat of an eye a wave of energy passed through my body and I felt electric and alive and elevated. It felt as if a large cement weight lifted off of me. If someone were to describe such things to me in the past, before this, I would just nod and say ‘sure, sure, understand’ when in truth I had never had such a feeling. It was easy trying to be what I do – seeing myself as arrogantly smart and not just being myself – a smart girl who can easily admit I most certainly do not know everything. In fact, believe it or not, when reflecting on my battles through the years with myself – nearly caught wearing this or that and the like, for the first time in my life I could laugh at myself. Things are moving along and quite nice in my part of the universe at present, more or less. I see doctors and the like and so far all is good. I still am looking for work, though there seems some barriers on that front – suggestions are welcomed, I have the books ( which clearly have at least one more editorial revision to make, namely author name ), and I have a deep-seated wish to have a few gal pal friends and so on.I could drone on with a million memories, events et al, but maybe I’ll write a tell all book one day ( lol ).Recognize I am still on the earliest of steps of this – there are those who have little to no information on this and must be kept that way due to life’s complications – unfortunately theirs and not mine. So I ask some discretion in your ever sharing of this. Thank you for listening ( ie reading ) and spending some time. I am glad to have come back across all of you. Note I may change my name on fb and the like too, this is all quite new to me - so some nervousness. thanksBriana : )     Note the inclusion of photos and all. The reaction has been priceless - I have been crying on and off through the day. Hormones can be a bit pushy. I had the oddity of coming across and being asked by a dozen or so high school friends - only one who knows - until now, at least. It was like going to a class reunion.  I will add to this as needed. Wow, wow, wow. All the best to everyone here.  Take Care hugs, Briana Purcell - the Galaxy Girl!!  
    May 29, 2018 329
  • 11 May 2018
    Hello Ladies - A new entry from the Cosmic Girl, Briana Purcell ( Q ) and her quest at being herself! Wow, it has been going on 8 months since starting hormones at this writing and again wow - there are many things to talk about. The dosages have been increased a great deal and I am more and more being seen as a woman even without makeup ( yipee ). My numbers are awesome - I am in some sort of mid range for most women in terms of estrogen level and my testosterone level is extremely low. I certainly need a bra, which is one of the clearest and obvious things that are changing. As noted by many other girls here for those looking at such things, yes there is some level of aching and sensitivity, particularly the nipples. My butt is certainly bigger and I needed new pants! ( Yikes ). My skin is quite smooth, soft. I seem to have a bit of a curve to my body too ( I have always been such a pencil - I am so happy at this new development ). There are many subtle and small changes but I really notice a difference as do many others. I seem to look years younger for example. I did have to buy a few new clothes as I went up a size or so ( oops ).  I have posted some of the new items over the last few months ( take a look and let me know ). Like many girls have noted in their hormones over time, there are some times of crying over some things - I am a bit of a softie and always have been. It can be pictures of animals, scenes even in a TV show which of course is fiction yet when two people touch in a needed hug ( I am definitely a hugger ) I have a few happy tear problems.   I remember when I first came out to myself 5 years back and have only been happier and evolving into the person I have always been in my mind. At the time I came out I considered a coffee/tea party with cookies and crackers for guests in my announcement. With all these things happening, I am considering it all the more these days. - I am definitely a bit of a girly girl and I love it. This includes not only clothes, but music, jewelry, shows I watch, et al. I will return to many things in a moment, but I will also note some interesting things. I ask myself, did I suddenly gain personal confidence, a clear sense of self? I notice I am extremely clear-headed, level-headed, very perceptive on both objective as well as emotional levels and issues in myself and others. I notice I clearly understand and am my identity as a woman. This was a conflict all through my life from childhood - seeing a given girl or woman on TV in a movie, as a news anchor et al and suddenly inside I'm saying to myself - I like that outfit, her hair, I love that personality. Instead of any conflict or question, the interesting thing today is this : I am who I am, a woman, simple as that with my own philosophy, personality, likes and the like. - To see more look to my earlier blogs in this evolution and the need to be and finding me.  Also in regards to the confidence, one day I simply decided to put on a bra, as it is needed and wear it regularly - even around many of the people I have yet to even come out to and discuss these matters with, such as my parents. I rent from them in the some home and see them, therefore, quite regularly, yet they are perfectly fine without even asking with me - I have come to find out that my brother even knows. Thus far there is reasonable peace in the valley, fingers crossed. An interesting thing in telling someone occurred when I was at my parents place itself when they had a cousin who does repairs over. He has known me from the past, so clearly this was new, yet he said nothing, so i asked him 'any questions' - he said 'nope' - I of course noted I needed to come out and be myself - he noted that we should all do what makes us happy and he is okay with it.  I walk in the neighborhood, go to the store, pharmacy, the doctor's, the bank, et al as me. I have done my nails, and I mean toes and fingers ( i like many spent years doing toes and keep them rather hidden ) and thankfully the weather is nice enough to have open toe shoes, so this girl shines! One of the tellers at the bank even notes that red must be my color when I saw Jennifer and she calls me by my name, Briana, when I come in the door - she even asked me two years back what do i call myself by name. At the doctor's office ( and I see a few of them for various things ) docs, nurses, et al see me as me - way cool! : ) Interestingly I did a rather long search on facebook the other day. I am considering telling my oldest friend from high school, but still have worries - though he is a great guy. Funny aside story is that we were born a day apart in the same hospital and graduated valedictorian ( him ) and salutatorian ( me ). Nevertheless, I write to him each year with birthday wishes, much like the girls here, and I send it the day before, I am an old school girl with timing where I want to give one the time to look at it then, or the day of their birthday or when they find time. As I signed my name, I wrote my name ( Briana ) - I had to fix that but that has become a bit more common these days. In the case of his facebook entry and considering to tell him I wanted to know more about him and who he knows. I researched his friend list, traced it back to a discussion group of people in high school and viola I came across a person with a girl's name but a last name of a boy I knew in high school. This put me on a longer search and I found an older listing and her newest one when she emerges - she is gorgeous, successful and a great gal. I hesitantly left one question after another and finally said I need to know, were you *** in high school - I need to know as I too am transgender! - She wrote back, we are now friends on facebook, exchanged email addresses, et al - life is too beautiful  sometimes.  There are many things yet to do ( personally of course ) and with regards to finding friends and coming out to a few key people yet, but these areas are strongly in development. A fun thing I did was get a calendar and I put information on the dates on there when things happen ( note I use it for all years, so I put down the year too ). This year is a continuous stream unlike the periodic pieces in the past. Nothing is better than being yourself.  I bought a great book, though written for kids, Be Who You Are on Amazon - I smiled and cried looking at the cover where the young person sees the girl she is in the mirror, it reminded me of me so much. I even have a write up about that and the book on Amazon in a review and give my name. These sort of books give me hope for the future. I have even did a dress and slippers reviews on two different sites with my name and pictures even. I regularly sign various petition letters on matters on health care, children, education, the environment that go to various US Senators and the like, they write back, use my name - I even sent a personal email to one telling her that I came out this year - her letters always start 'Dear Briana'. I have applies to jobs as myself, receive mail in my name quite regularly these days, and it continues. Nothing yet on the jobs front, but who knows? Still searching. I will clearly add to this entry as time goes by and even write further ones - the items are too numerous in terms of changes, events - I plan to do some scoping ( using my telescope ) in the front yard - totally as myself in the near future ( really a Cosmic Girl )  for example. I am thinking of visiting a few of those sewing and hobby stores to look into thing I like - I am not only thinking of trying but also joining small groups of women in these things. Sounds like fun.  I cannot thank this place and the people here, particularly my friends here enough for their support, it has been a great source of strength, inspiration, and I have hopes for all of us girls here. Great Health, Hope, Harmony, and Happiness Always. All the best in your journeys! Take Care, Hugs, Briana Purcell : )  
    388 Posted by Briana Purcell
  • Hello Ladies - A new entry from the Cosmic Girl, Briana Purcell ( Q ) and her quest at being herself! Wow, it has been going on 8 months since starting hormones at this writing and again wow - there are many things to talk about. The dosages have been increased a great deal and I am more and more being seen as a woman even without makeup ( yipee ). My numbers are awesome - I am in some sort of mid range for most women in terms of estrogen level and my testosterone level is extremely low. I certainly need a bra, which is one of the clearest and obvious things that are changing. As noted by many other girls here for those looking at such things, yes there is some level of aching and sensitivity, particularly the nipples. My butt is certainly bigger and I needed new pants! ( Yikes ). My skin is quite smooth, soft. I seem to have a bit of a curve to my body too ( I have always been such a pencil - I am so happy at this new development ). There are many subtle and small changes but I really notice a difference as do many others. I seem to look years younger for example. I did have to buy a few new clothes as I went up a size or so ( oops ).  I have posted some of the new items over the last few months ( take a look and let me know ). Like many girls have noted in their hormones over time, there are some times of crying over some things - I am a bit of a softie and always have been. It can be pictures of animals, scenes even in a TV show which of course is fiction yet when two people touch in a needed hug ( I am definitely a hugger ) I have a few happy tear problems.   I remember when I first came out to myself 5 years back and have only been happier and evolving into the person I have always been in my mind. At the time I came out I considered a coffee/tea party with cookies and crackers for guests in my announcement. With all these things happening, I am considering it all the more these days. - I am definitely a bit of a girly girl and I love it. This includes not only clothes, but music, jewelry, shows I watch, et al. I will return to many things in a moment, but I will also note some interesting things. I ask myself, did I suddenly gain personal confidence, a clear sense of self? I notice I am extremely clear-headed, level-headed, very perceptive on both objective as well as emotional levels and issues in myself and others. I notice I clearly understand and am my identity as a woman. This was a conflict all through my life from childhood - seeing a given girl or woman on TV in a movie, as a news anchor et al and suddenly inside I'm saying to myself - I like that outfit, her hair, I love that personality. Instead of any conflict or question, the interesting thing today is this : I am who I am, a woman, simple as that with my own philosophy, personality, likes and the like. - To see more look to my earlier blogs in this evolution and the need to be and finding me.  Also in regards to the confidence, one day I simply decided to put on a bra, as it is needed and wear it regularly - even around many of the people I have yet to even come out to and discuss these matters with, such as my parents. I rent from them in the some home and see them, therefore, quite regularly, yet they are perfectly fine without even asking with me - I have come to find out that my brother even knows. Thus far there is reasonable peace in the valley, fingers crossed. An interesting thing in telling someone occurred when I was at my parents place itself when they had a cousin who does repairs over. He has known me from the past, so clearly this was new, yet he said nothing, so i asked him 'any questions' - he said 'nope' - I of course noted I needed to come out and be myself - he noted that we should all do what makes us happy and he is okay with it.  I walk in the neighborhood, go to the store, pharmacy, the doctor's, the bank, et al as me. I have done my nails, and I mean toes and fingers ( i like many spent years doing toes and keep them rather hidden ) and thankfully the weather is nice enough to have open toe shoes, so this girl shines! One of the tellers at the bank even notes that red must be my color when I saw Jennifer and she calls me by my name, Briana, when I come in the door - she even asked me two years back what do i call myself by name. At the doctor's office ( and I see a few of them for various things ) docs, nurses, et al see me as me - way cool! : ) Interestingly I did a rather long search on facebook the other day. I am considering telling my oldest friend from high school, but still have worries - though he is a great guy. Funny aside story is that we were born a day apart in the same hospital and graduated valedictorian ( him ) and salutatorian ( me ). Nevertheless, I write to him each year with birthday wishes, much like the girls here, and I send it the day before, I am an old school girl with timing where I want to give one the time to look at it then, or the day of their birthday or when they find time. As I signed my name, I wrote my name ( Briana ) - I had to fix that but that has become a bit more common these days. In the case of his facebook entry and considering to tell him I wanted to know more about him and who he knows. I researched his friend list, traced it back to a discussion group of people in high school and viola I came across a person with a girl's name but a last name of a boy I knew in high school. This put me on a longer search and I found an older listing and her newest one when she emerges - she is gorgeous, successful and a great gal. I hesitantly left one question after another and finally said I need to know, were you *** in high school - I need to know as I too am transgender! - She wrote back, we are now friends on facebook, exchanged email addresses, et al - life is too beautiful  sometimes.  There are many things yet to do ( personally of course ) and with regards to finding friends and coming out to a few key people yet, but these areas are strongly in development. A fun thing I did was get a calendar and I put information on the dates on there when things happen ( note I use it for all years, so I put down the year too ). This year is a continuous stream unlike the periodic pieces in the past. Nothing is better than being yourself.  I bought a great book, though written for kids, Be Who You Are on Amazon - I smiled and cried looking at the cover where the young person sees the girl she is in the mirror, it reminded me of me so much. I even have a write up about that and the book on Amazon in a review and give my name. These sort of books give me hope for the future. I have even did a dress and slippers reviews on two different sites with my name and pictures even. I regularly sign various petition letters on matters on health care, children, education, the environment that go to various US Senators and the like, they write back, use my name - I even sent a personal email to one telling her that I came out this year - her letters always start 'Dear Briana'. I have applies to jobs as myself, receive mail in my name quite regularly these days, and it continues. Nothing yet on the jobs front, but who knows? Still searching. I will clearly add to this entry as time goes by and even write further ones - the items are too numerous in terms of changes, events - I plan to do some scoping ( using my telescope ) in the front yard - totally as myself in the near future ( really a Cosmic Girl )  for example. I am thinking of visiting a few of those sewing and hobby stores to look into thing I like - I am not only thinking of trying but also joining small groups of women in these things. Sounds like fun.  I cannot thank this place and the people here, particularly my friends here enough for their support, it has been a great source of strength, inspiration, and I have hopes for all of us girls here. Great Health, Hope, Harmony, and Happiness Always. All the best in your journeys! Take Care, Hugs, Briana Purcell : )  
    May 11, 2018 388
  • 10 May 2018
    Got another small payment recently. Most likely will never see the full amount,though. The interest is accruing faster than the payments are going out. I'm  listing the settlement in my will so my heirs may get something .
    352 Posted by jan jefferies
  • Got another small payment recently. Most likely will never see the full amount,though. The interest is accruing faster than the payments are going out. I'm  listing the settlement in my will so my heirs may get something .
    May 10, 2018 352
  • 14 Jan 2018
    Ever since I began to experience what it was like to be Suzy and wearing beast forms I have always wondered what it was like to sleep in bed with them.  My first pair of breast forms were made of silcone so it wasn't practical to do so.  But after one of the breast forms started to leak a bit, I had to throw them away and decided to buy a pair of foam breast forms instead.  There was 2 reasons for this, One was the cost and the foam breast forms were much cheaper than the silcone breasts and two I could safely pack them away and to sleep with them which I never did.  I did have get rid of the bras I was using as they were slightly too small for the foam breast forms and I also had to get rid of some of the clothing because I had lost a bit of weight due to finding out I was diabectic and had to change my diet and start excerising a bit better than before which I am doing.  So I had to save until I had enough money to start buying some new clothes starting with the bras.  They arrived yesterday and waited until last night to put both the bra and breast forms on.  It did feel a bit strange at first as I haven't put bra and breast forms on for a while and also these were made of foam and not silcone.  As for laying down on the bed, it was again a bit strange but I think I got use to it and it felt some how right.   I think I will try it again tonight.
    433 Posted by Suzy Russell
  • Ever since I began to experience what it was like to be Suzy and wearing beast forms I have always wondered what it was like to sleep in bed with them.  My first pair of breast forms were made of silcone so it wasn't practical to do so.  But after one of the breast forms started to leak a bit, I had to throw them away and decided to buy a pair of foam breast forms instead.  There was 2 reasons for this, One was the cost and the foam breast forms were much cheaper than the silcone breasts and two I could safely pack them away and to sleep with them which I never did.  I did have get rid of the bras I was using as they were slightly too small for the foam breast forms and I also had to get rid of some of the clothing because I had lost a bit of weight due to finding out I was diabectic and had to change my diet and start excerising a bit better than before which I am doing.  So I had to save until I had enough money to start buying some new clothes starting with the bras.  They arrived yesterday and waited until last night to put both the bra and breast forms on.  It did feel a bit strange at first as I haven't put bra and breast forms on for a while and also these were made of foam and not silcone.  As for laying down on the bed, it was again a bit strange but I think I got use to it and it felt some how right.   I think I will try it again tonight.
    Jan 14, 2018 433
  • 18 Dec 2017
    Hey everyone, wow, it's been a while since I was last on here. Not a whole lot new besides seeing a new counselor, but finally, this one is specialized in gender reassignment surgery and has many transgender patients so I'm glad to finally be seeing one. What I wanted to bring up was my book, actually. I've been talking with my counselor about it and it's based on myself and what happened between a friend and I for those who don't know. I'm a little unsure about how to end the story, to be honest. See, my counselor says I have both qualifications for gender identity AND Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I wanted to end my story with my character getting the sex change and having a happy ending, but hearing that I have both... Well, supposedly, that's rare or not even possible? I don't really want to wait around until I have a final diagnosis to write this story and figured I have two or three options on endings for this story...   Ending 1: MC loses their best and only friend, gets the sex change, ultimately accepts themselves as transsexual happily. Ending 2: Same as above except the MC does NOT get sex change and is diagnosed with both GID and BDD and has more of a open ending. Ending 3: Same as above once again but MC learns they have BDD and only wanted to be a man because their father made being a woman seem so inferior and horrible.    I know ending three can come off as offensive so I probably shouldn't go with it, right? It's something my mom has told me time and time again and now even my counselor is telling me how my father seems to have had such a big impact on who I am today... I believe I will always see myself as trans because I've felt like a guy for so long, but I can't deny that what my father has said about women hasn't helped me want to be a woman at all. Please let me know what ending you think I should pick as this story is only meant to be based on myself, not 100% accurate so really, any ending could work.
    401 Posted by Kris McKinley
  • Hey everyone, wow, it's been a while since I was last on here. Not a whole lot new besides seeing a new counselor, but finally, this one is specialized in gender reassignment surgery and has many transgender patients so I'm glad to finally be seeing one. What I wanted to bring up was my book, actually. I've been talking with my counselor about it and it's based on myself and what happened between a friend and I for those who don't know. I'm a little unsure about how to end the story, to be honest. See, my counselor says I have both qualifications for gender identity AND Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I wanted to end my story with my character getting the sex change and having a happy ending, but hearing that I have both... Well, supposedly, that's rare or not even possible? I don't really want to wait around until I have a final diagnosis to write this story and figured I have two or three options on endings for this story...   Ending 1: MC loses their best and only friend, gets the sex change, ultimately accepts themselves as transsexual happily. Ending 2: Same as above except the MC does NOT get sex change and is diagnosed with both GID and BDD and has more of a open ending. Ending 3: Same as above once again but MC learns they have BDD and only wanted to be a man because their father made being a woman seem so inferior and horrible.    I know ending three can come off as offensive so I probably shouldn't go with it, right? It's something my mom has told me time and time again and now even my counselor is telling me how my father seems to have had such a big impact on who I am today... I believe I will always see myself as trans because I've felt like a guy for so long, but I can't deny that what my father has said about women hasn't helped me want to be a woman at all. Please let me know what ending you think I should pick as this story is only meant to be based on myself, not 100% accurate so really, any ending could work.
    Dec 18, 2017 401
  • 06 Dec 2017
    Hi At the end of my local park stand a gaggle of rather forlorn recycling bins. There are beyond the railings and so turn their backs upon the park (or Fields) and gape open-mouthed towards a main road. I've no idea how frequently they are attended to. No kerb crawling is allowed here due to the double yellow-lines, so if you are to engage with them you cannot flirt so you must - in full view, walk up to them. Standing in their midst is a large metal bin, as tough as nails. But if you get it to open up it's softer inside as it houses the memories of once loved clothes now discarded or readied for re-use. All of my clothes and shoes now lie in there, still. A more diminutive bin half a mile away, clearly marked 'Rubbish', contains my wig and all of my make-up. Correction, these are not mine anymore and will most probably not be anothers, their time is spent. They are tousled, teased, twinkled and tipped. So that's it then, easy really wasn't it? I was once transsexual but now I'm not. Why didn't someone tell me it was that straightforward? The relief of disposing of those deceitful artefacts is extreme; extremely short. I return home cleansed and the post has delivered two of my wife's January magazines - and it's the 6th December!. I can't look because the plastic protects them. These are mid-winter editions with post Christmas issues, they will encourage new-beginnings, healthiness and a respite from over-indulgence. Well, I suspect they may. But I have just purged, I'm setting the agenda, I am indeed now self-evidently a woman ahead of the curve..! Now here's the rub. I'm actually a woman lacking curves and now clothes and make-up too. The recycling bins might stand forlornly, but they are a resilient bunch. You can't just charm your way in, hassle them and hope they give you something for nothing. They're not charitable that way and if you give, you're spent. Let me return to a favourite reflection of mine, that of the elliptical trajectory that I travel upon. Today I suspect I have been at the outer reaches, beyond the railings. I have disposed of the largest hoard yet and so this ellipse may be the most significantly sized one I've travelled upon. If I have just commenced a return orbit then I may be in for some significant G-Force in the coming weeks or months.  Chilly winter without clothing, perhaps I need something in order to wrap up..? Rachel x
    340 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Hi At the end of my local park stand a gaggle of rather forlorn recycling bins. There are beyond the railings and so turn their backs upon the park (or Fields) and gape open-mouthed towards a main road. I've no idea how frequently they are attended to. No kerb crawling is allowed here due to the double yellow-lines, so if you are to engage with them you cannot flirt so you must - in full view, walk up to them. Standing in their midst is a large metal bin, as tough as nails. But if you get it to open up it's softer inside as it houses the memories of once loved clothes now discarded or readied for re-use. All of my clothes and shoes now lie in there, still. A more diminutive bin half a mile away, clearly marked 'Rubbish', contains my wig and all of my make-up. Correction, these are not mine anymore and will most probably not be anothers, their time is spent. They are tousled, teased, twinkled and tipped. So that's it then, easy really wasn't it? I was once transsexual but now I'm not. Why didn't someone tell me it was that straightforward? The relief of disposing of those deceitful artefacts is extreme; extremely short. I return home cleansed and the post has delivered two of my wife's January magazines - and it's the 6th December!. I can't look because the plastic protects them. These are mid-winter editions with post Christmas issues, they will encourage new-beginnings, healthiness and a respite from over-indulgence. Well, I suspect they may. But I have just purged, I'm setting the agenda, I am indeed now self-evidently a woman ahead of the curve..! Now here's the rub. I'm actually a woman lacking curves and now clothes and make-up too. The recycling bins might stand forlornly, but they are a resilient bunch. You can't just charm your way in, hassle them and hope they give you something for nothing. They're not charitable that way and if you give, you're spent. Let me return to a favourite reflection of mine, that of the elliptical trajectory that I travel upon. Today I suspect I have been at the outer reaches, beyond the railings. I have disposed of the largest hoard yet and so this ellipse may be the most significantly sized one I've travelled upon. If I have just commenced a return orbit then I may be in for some significant G-Force in the coming weeks or months.  Chilly winter without clothing, perhaps I need something in order to wrap up..? Rachel x
    Dec 06, 2017 340
  • 06 Dec 2017
    I set out on this my 'Great Journey' with a full rucksack of suitable female clothing for all eventualities, weathers and occasions, suitable foot-wear (not 5" Jimmy Choos), toiletries and a somewhat naive but strong sense of purpose and direction. It started with a week's solo walk across the  North Country, the "Cleveland Way": no big deal for a Swiss Registered High Mountain Guide, I thought. How utterly wrong I was! I frankly have no real idea what triggered my need to pursue the lifelong question of who exactly I was. I can only think that life is controlled in the same way as the 'biscuit' one pushed into old-fashioned washing machines: once inserted it undertoook its progress without any hope of changing the programme. I joined the Gender Society and the Beaumont Society, but never had the nerve to chat on this site (still haven't), nor attend any meet-ups at first. What did I discover? There were other people just like me, and rather a lot of them! The information available here is 'second to none', and it greatly enabled the start of my long journey. The other Society 'held and still holds' a bi-annual meet-up and theme-dressed dinner in Harrogate. This was to be my first ever appearance in public as me. I have lived alone for twenty-six years: always Hannah behind the closed doors of my homes and my male self outdoors and in the work-place. I arrived on the Thursday lunch-time: sat in the car for an hour and a half listening to the only opera written in Italian by Romeau. At its finale I had made my decision to write off the fees for the four days, return home and resume my previous life. I did not notice the four ladies sat having afternoon tea near reception: Kay, the President, Irene her wife and co-ordinator of the weekend, Becky and one of the co-ordinators of the Gender Society. My sole reason for entering the hotel in drab was to pursue an increasingly urgent comfort visit to the gents, and then home. As I returned and stepped down from reception, Irene got up, blocked my exit and escape route and said "you're not thinking of going home are you?". I replied yes .  "No you're not, you have friends here". The rest is history. I had no idea what this 'Passage of Rights' would entail and enable: how finding myself would give me real happiness and disperse the depression of my Dysphoria for ever.  It is, however, a double-edged sword.  Meeting an influential member of this group on the occasion of my first appearance as Hannah, enabled a great deal: she persuaded me to dress en-femme on the Saturday and to accompany her and Becky (Regional Representative) on a walk round Harrogate, with coffee and cakes in Marks and Spencers. Six months later she organised a meet-up in Torquay, where I met the 'love of my life'; but that is another and strictly private story. One of my few ambitions is to repeat the Cleveland Way weeks walk in a skirt and not Rohan outdoor trousers: then to enter new territory in a skirt and do the 'Pennine Way'. Part Two: includes my personal pathway of the last five years, treatment options, beurocratic hurdles and advice as to the best safest and most direct way to achieve GRS and a GRC. Don't, forbid, do what I did and simply forget to pack a head lamp, spare batteries, map and compass, girls..!!     
  • I set out on this my 'Great Journey' with a full rucksack of suitable female clothing for all eventualities, weathers and occasions, suitable foot-wear (not 5" Jimmy Choos), toiletries and a somewhat naive but strong sense of purpose and direction. It started with a week's solo walk across the  North Country, the "Cleveland Way": no big deal for a Swiss Registered High Mountain Guide, I thought. How utterly wrong I was! I frankly have no real idea what triggered my need to pursue the lifelong question of who exactly I was. I can only think that life is controlled in the same way as the 'biscuit' one pushed into old-fashioned washing machines: once inserted it undertoook its progress without any hope of changing the programme. I joined the Gender Society and the Beaumont Society, but never had the nerve to chat on this site (still haven't), nor attend any meet-ups at first. What did I discover? There were other people just like me, and rather a lot of them! The information available here is 'second to none', and it greatly enabled the start of my long journey. The other Society 'held and still holds' a bi-annual meet-up and theme-dressed dinner in Harrogate. This was to be my first ever appearance in public as me. I have lived alone for twenty-six years: always Hannah behind the closed doors of my homes and my male self outdoors and in the work-place. I arrived on the Thursday lunch-time: sat in the car for an hour and a half listening to the only opera written in Italian by Romeau. At its finale I had made my decision to write off the fees for the four days, return home and resume my previous life. I did not notice the four ladies sat having afternoon tea near reception: Kay, the President, Irene her wife and co-ordinator of the weekend, Becky and one of the co-ordinators of the Gender Society. My sole reason for entering the hotel in drab was to pursue an increasingly urgent comfort visit to the gents, and then home. As I returned and stepped down from reception, Irene got up, blocked my exit and escape route and said "you're not thinking of going home are you?". I replied yes .  "No you're not, you have friends here". The rest is history. I had no idea what this 'Passage of Rights' would entail and enable: how finding myself would give me real happiness and disperse the depression of my Dysphoria for ever.  It is, however, a double-edged sword.  Meeting an influential member of this group on the occasion of my first appearance as Hannah, enabled a great deal: she persuaded me to dress en-femme on the Saturday and to accompany her and Becky (Regional Representative) on a walk round Harrogate, with coffee and cakes in Marks and Spencers. Six months later she organised a meet-up in Torquay, where I met the 'love of my life'; but that is another and strictly private story. One of my few ambitions is to repeat the Cleveland Way weeks walk in a skirt and not Rohan outdoor trousers: then to enter new territory in a skirt and do the 'Pennine Way'. Part Two: includes my personal pathway of the last five years, treatment options, beurocratic hurdles and advice as to the best safest and most direct way to achieve GRS and a GRC. Don't, forbid, do what I did and simply forget to pack a head lamp, spare batteries, map and compass, girls..!!     
    Dec 06, 2017 403
  • 11 Nov 2017
    Hello It's been a long, long time since I contributed something here. I'm not talking years but I'm talking months and for a site that requires contributions from the community that's too long. So with apologies to Lucy, Crissie, Katie for the lack of 'giving'..I hope you are all OK - I mean that's the most important thing, right? The day-to-day getting by and feeling fine. I've seen this year's John Lewis Christmas ad, and lets be honest, it's not so good is it? But it won't stop Father Christmas now will it? I have received a barrage of pre-Christmas email from retailers who are desperate to convince me that sparkling is essential, whether eyebrows, tops, skirts of frankly my pussy if it would just be there. Three days into January it will all be about abstinence, purity and cleanliness - I mean, come on, that's not a great deal of value from flickering shimmeriness is it!? I haven't dressed-up for a while and I feel the pressure building. Not in my crotch but in the brain. For readers in the closet, do you also have tell-tale signs when the Dysphoria is beginning to peak, advance warnings and yearnings to dash into Zara at lunchtime. My brain still reacts with the the belief that if I succumb to masculine desire lines all will be OK. So I have a new bike (it's actually very nice and could be easily described as unisex) but I evidently didn't purchase a women's geometry from the women's department. It's black, technical and taut. It's lovely thing and I'm reading the paraphernalia that it encourages, magazines and web-based retailer for all things athletic, but whilst I do I yearn for layers of loose Cashmere, a facial and a new pair of boots. I spotted a woman on the tube on Wednesday with a hair-cut I would dye for. A cropped page-boy, short but quickly translating from weight and length to a light and feathery neckline. More length above the ears teased forward into a pre-emptive eccentric pair of bangs, pointed around the ears with a swept forehead, and bottle-blonde.. I have an appointment at my local salon tomorrow - of if I could only dare to ask for that cut, an absolutely certain way of directing my colleagues attention towards me at forthcoming Christmas parties, especially if I but some of that sparkly, stuff I mentioned earlier. It's quite on Gender Society and I'm unable to access on my iPhone. I hope that the site approaches the New Year with confidence and that all who visit here appreciate what it can provide, which is an avenue for whitening lost souls to share and gently provoke. Catch up soon, keep sparkling and don't be let down by the Monsters under the bed. Rachel x
    350 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Hello It's been a long, long time since I contributed something here. I'm not talking years but I'm talking months and for a site that requires contributions from the community that's too long. So with apologies to Lucy, Crissie, Katie for the lack of 'giving'..I hope you are all OK - I mean that's the most important thing, right? The day-to-day getting by and feeling fine. I've seen this year's John Lewis Christmas ad, and lets be honest, it's not so good is it? But it won't stop Father Christmas now will it? I have received a barrage of pre-Christmas email from retailers who are desperate to convince me that sparkling is essential, whether eyebrows, tops, skirts of frankly my pussy if it would just be there. Three days into January it will all be about abstinence, purity and cleanliness - I mean, come on, that's not a great deal of value from flickering shimmeriness is it!? I haven't dressed-up for a while and I feel the pressure building. Not in my crotch but in the brain. For readers in the closet, do you also have tell-tale signs when the Dysphoria is beginning to peak, advance warnings and yearnings to dash into Zara at lunchtime. My brain still reacts with the the belief that if I succumb to masculine desire lines all will be OK. So I have a new bike (it's actually very nice and could be easily described as unisex) but I evidently didn't purchase a women's geometry from the women's department. It's black, technical and taut. It's lovely thing and I'm reading the paraphernalia that it encourages, magazines and web-based retailer for all things athletic, but whilst I do I yearn for layers of loose Cashmere, a facial and a new pair of boots. I spotted a woman on the tube on Wednesday with a hair-cut I would dye for. A cropped page-boy, short but quickly translating from weight and length to a light and feathery neckline. More length above the ears teased forward into a pre-emptive eccentric pair of bangs, pointed around the ears with a swept forehead, and bottle-blonde.. I have an appointment at my local salon tomorrow - of if I could only dare to ask for that cut, an absolutely certain way of directing my colleagues attention towards me at forthcoming Christmas parties, especially if I but some of that sparkly, stuff I mentioned earlier. It's quite on Gender Society and I'm unable to access on my iPhone. I hope that the site approaches the New Year with confidence and that all who visit here appreciate what it can provide, which is an avenue for whitening lost souls to share and gently provoke. Catch up soon, keep sparkling and don't be let down by the Monsters under the bed. Rachel x
    Nov 11, 2017 350