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  • 25 Nov 2016
    My Woman's libido is as soft as a dove with the bittersweet ambiance of honey cilantro, parsley and lemon peels, my heart shaped bottom is the hilltop overlooking the waterfall. the milk from my breast is the pitter patter of light rain gently brushing against my cheeks, the goddess Demetar is my mother, her wisdom is our shared ego. For hours I sit with my aspiration to coax her into laying with me. As the beaches are filled with divine inspiration, and the strength of women like us pour out of photo albums. My story is that I am her bowel fertilizing and cleaving to the Earth, with the untamed  passion of sisterhood being united.Often times I write in my diary how being a woman's private playgirl gives me  a feeling of authenticity. My wife is dominant I am only her Lesbian slave. I look across the forest to see the grasshoppers and lillies spring forth in the bloom of my budding breasts. I see her as the Mother Earth whose blessing overflows giving birth to a new sun set. Warrior women we are, we cryout only for the unyielding kisses to last for infinity. For each moment I am cradled as her babe, I know as a daughter of the Goddess of virgins that my sole being is being held by a power supreme.
    479 Posted by Robben Wainer
  • My Woman's libido is as soft as a dove with the bittersweet ambiance of honey cilantro, parsley and lemon peels, my heart shaped bottom is the hilltop overlooking the waterfall. the milk from my breast is the pitter patter of light rain gently brushing against my cheeks, the goddess Demetar is my mother, her wisdom is our shared ego. For hours I sit with my aspiration to coax her into laying with me. As the beaches are filled with divine inspiration, and the strength of women like us pour out of photo albums. My story is that I am her bowel fertilizing and cleaving to the Earth, with the untamed  passion of sisterhood being united.Often times I write in my diary how being a woman's private playgirl gives me  a feeling of authenticity. My wife is dominant I am only her Lesbian slave. I look across the forest to see the grasshoppers and lillies spring forth in the bloom of my budding breasts. I see her as the Mother Earth whose blessing overflows giving birth to a new sun set. Warrior women we are, we cryout only for the unyielding kisses to last for infinity. For each moment I am cradled as her babe, I know as a daughter of the Goddess of virgins that my sole being is being held by a power supreme.
    Nov 25, 2016 479
  • 20 Nov 2016
    Due at the Day of Remembrance today (as every year), 20th November; I made a last minute decision not to go; and, to return home remembering those murdered in the last year, and all those who may have gone before.   SHOCK, HORROR !!!   I learned, on Facebook, as I sat alone enjoying afternoon tea in the Richmond Tea-Rooms, of the last minute ( 'on the spur of the moment" quote ) decision of somebody from way across the country (******1) to attend the Sackville Gardens for the TDoR service at 4.30pm. She desired to 'meet up' with any friends who may also happen to be in the area.   I should have brasened it out; but, naturally a coward and still wounded, I fled to Piccadilly (3 minutes away), as there was no hope that I could avoid her in 'The Gardens', On Bar or at a meal in 'Villaggios or Velvet: Latte coffee in Carluccios and the Chester via Altrincham train home. At home, I discovered (again on Facebook) that my sole living cousin, was dining in the Northern Sector at 6pm, with her regular girl-friends. Well, you can't win them all!   SPARKLE WEEKEND: Sunday afternoon, 10th July, North Cheshire: 'The Tale of the Missing Car-keys". ******1 and my sister not so much 'fell out as 'took a healthy dislike to each other', after their initial and final meeting, on spending a weekend together. I suddenly came to realise, when the keys 'turned up with a magician's flourish, what had previously been apparent and obvious to all others, but not untill that day to me.   I later promised a concerned sister that i would distance myself from ******1, and not turn up at the forthcoming bi-annual meeting in early August. I never break promises; but, I fatally did, on this regrettable occasion.   GIRLS AWAY-WEEKEND: Sunday afternoon, 14th August, North Yorkshire   One of our committee I have been asked to speak to you by ******1, who left before lunch. I do not intend to make any judgement or to take sides in this matter, as I am a friend of both of you. However, I am happy to talk with you at any time in the future, as an impartial friend, on this matter, if you so wish. She has had a long talk with me this morning; with regard to your greatly distressing and upsetting her here on Saturday, and effectively your having completely spoiled her weekend. She asked me to inform you that she has reached a decision about you and for me to inform you:- 1) That she has absolutely no feelings for you whatsoever, nor ever had 2) She never ever wants you to contact her again, under any circumstances and by any means whatsoever 3) And, she wishes you to know that if you do contact her, she will be very, very angry.   When I had composed myself, I cleaned up my tear-stained face; collected my lap-top from my room, and strolled into the reception area of the hotel: I joined my great friend ****e working on her lap-top. When I reached my Facebook page, there was an 03.47 Sunday morning post by ******1. I asked if ****e could spare the time to read it: she did, paused and said   "You've had a very lucky escape!"   It was far too painful to potentially 'accidentally' meet her today: so, as well as breaking my heart, she spoils my annual Manchester TDoR Sunday, spoils my evening arrangements and invades my territory! I am sure there are TDoR Memorial Services nearer to Suffolk!   Oh: my crime.... well I am sure you can guess what 'total' surprise (to her alone) she forced out of me; after she was informed by an unknown third party that I had just gone in to Town, in tears, with ****e on her mobility scooter, at noon on the Saturday (co-incidentally the "sddest day of the year" in the Jewish calendar). She set off down the hill from our hotel, sought me out and met me as I was returning. On our subsequent lunch-time walk to Hoopers tea=rooms, I fatally dropped my guard and told her how I felt, that fateful and dreadful Saturday in August, 2016.  
  • Due at the Day of Remembrance today (as every year), 20th November; I made a last minute decision not to go; and, to return home remembering those murdered in the last year, and all those who may have gone before.   SHOCK, HORROR !!!   I learned, on Facebook, as I sat alone enjoying afternoon tea in the Richmond Tea-Rooms, of the last minute ( 'on the spur of the moment" quote ) decision of somebody from way across the country (******1) to attend the Sackville Gardens for the TDoR service at 4.30pm. She desired to 'meet up' with any friends who may also happen to be in the area.   I should have brasened it out; but, naturally a coward and still wounded, I fled to Piccadilly (3 minutes away), as there was no hope that I could avoid her in 'The Gardens', On Bar or at a meal in 'Villaggios or Velvet: Latte coffee in Carluccios and the Chester via Altrincham train home. At home, I discovered (again on Facebook) that my sole living cousin, was dining in the Northern Sector at 6pm, with her regular girl-friends. Well, you can't win them all!   SPARKLE WEEKEND: Sunday afternoon, 10th July, North Cheshire: 'The Tale of the Missing Car-keys". ******1 and my sister not so much 'fell out as 'took a healthy dislike to each other', after their initial and final meeting, on spending a weekend together. I suddenly came to realise, when the keys 'turned up with a magician's flourish, what had previously been apparent and obvious to all others, but not untill that day to me.   I later promised a concerned sister that i would distance myself from ******1, and not turn up at the forthcoming bi-annual meeting in early August. I never break promises; but, I fatally did, on this regrettable occasion.   GIRLS AWAY-WEEKEND: Sunday afternoon, 14th August, North Yorkshire   One of our committee I have been asked to speak to you by ******1, who left before lunch. I do not intend to make any judgement or to take sides in this matter, as I am a friend of both of you. However, I am happy to talk with you at any time in the future, as an impartial friend, on this matter, if you so wish. She has had a long talk with me this morning; with regard to your greatly distressing and upsetting her here on Saturday, and effectively your having completely spoiled her weekend. She asked me to inform you that she has reached a decision about you and for me to inform you:- 1) That she has absolutely no feelings for you whatsoever, nor ever had 2) She never ever wants you to contact her again, under any circumstances and by any means whatsoever 3) And, she wishes you to know that if you do contact her, she will be very, very angry.   When I had composed myself, I cleaned up my tear-stained face; collected my lap-top from my room, and strolled into the reception area of the hotel: I joined my great friend ****e working on her lap-top. When I reached my Facebook page, there was an 03.47 Sunday morning post by ******1. I asked if ****e could spare the time to read it: she did, paused and said   "You've had a very lucky escape!"   It was far too painful to potentially 'accidentally' meet her today: so, as well as breaking my heart, she spoils my annual Manchester TDoR Sunday, spoils my evening arrangements and invades my territory! I am sure there are TDoR Memorial Services nearer to Suffolk!   Oh: my crime.... well I am sure you can guess what 'total' surprise (to her alone) she forced out of me; after she was informed by an unknown third party that I had just gone in to Town, in tears, with ****e on her mobility scooter, at noon on the Saturday (co-incidentally the "sddest day of the year" in the Jewish calendar). She set off down the hill from our hotel, sought me out and met me as I was returning. On our subsequent lunch-time walk to Hoopers tea=rooms, I fatally dropped my guard and told her how I felt, that fateful and dreadful Saturday in August, 2016.  
    Nov 20, 2016 466
  • 15 Nov 2016
    Last night I was chatting with a fan on Instagram from Argentina about the current state of America and what it's like being a trans person. He said he's been interviewing trans women from around the world about our experiences and he asked me for to answer some questions for a magazine article he's writing. We did this by email because I don't have Skype on my recently new phone yet. Here's the questions and answers we sent to each other --------------- (( _ How was the beginning? When did you decide that you wanted to be Devi?)) It was always my deep dark secret that I wished to be a woman, I repressed it for many years because I didn't think it was possible. I thought I was stuck being a guy forever so I tried to fill the role as best as possible but it caused countless problems in my life and just never felt right. In my early 20s my feelings of wishing to be a girl returned but stronger than ever. I began researching genital surgery, hormones, transition and what it meant to be trans. Fashion design and making clothing for close friends and girlfriends has always been a hobby of mine but at some point around age 22 or 23 I started wearing some of the skirts and corsets I made in private. After work I would get myself all dolled up and prance around the house until I later fell asleep in lingerie. I actually used to have a French Maid outfit that I would wear while cleaning the house lol. It felt so right. I badly wanted to go out in public dolled up but I was too afraid to. At age 24 I couldn't keep my deep dark secret in any more so on Halloween of that year I let Devi be born. Leading up to that night was a series of small events that helped me realize that I'm not a crossdresser, I'm not a guy with a kink, I'm not a guy who wants to be a girl, I am not a guy, I am a girl. It took a lot of soul searching and deep meditation to realize that I am a woman, and that's why I hated myself for so many years. ((_ How was the reaction of your family and friends?)) I really have no family or living relatives so I guess I lucked out in not having to come out to family. My friends mostly didn't take it well. They all knew me as a straight male. I've always been the goth/ alternative type so my friends were used to me painting my nails, dying my hair, wearing make up and wearing strange clothes. I was always pretty eccentric and many of my antics bordered on insanity. My friends knew I wasn't a normal person and knew I didnt really relate to them in any way but for some reason they just couldn't accept me as a woman. I had to let a lot of them go because they refused to stop using my old name and refused to stop calling me a He and Him. This of coarse was unacceptable. I tried to explain to them that I was miserable in my old life, I badly hated myself and was often suicidal because of it. My deep self loathing caused me to have alcoholic and drug addict tendencies, violent outbursts towards the people around me, trips to jail for petty crimes and countless psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, and doctors not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. I kicked all my old friends out of my life because they seemed to like me better when I was miserable. Most of them weren't happy for me and constantly tried to get me to change my mind. I had to let them go because my transition is all about bettering my life, being a better person, finally being happy and finally loving myself. If my friends don't want me to be happy then they aren't really friends. ((_ Which were your fears at the beginning of the process?)) In the begining of coarse I was afraid that people wouldn't accept me. I was afraid that everyone would leave me and I'd be alone. Luckily the ones who did leave were ones I don't miss and I've made plenty of new, real friends who are happy for me and support my life decisions. Also of coarse I was afraid of never passing. I don't want to be seen as a guy in a dress. I didn't want to be seen as anything else but a natural born woman. Now days I'm proud to be trans and I live my life openly so that hopefully I can inspire other girls who might be too afraid to come out. Another big fear I had was never being able to afford the cost of transition. I was afraid I would never get health insurance to cover the hormones and thought I'd be stuck with a male body forever. I have health insurance now and have been on hormones for over a year but still will have to pay out of pocket for any surgeries and hair removal. That's still a fear of mine, that I will never be able to afford electrolysis to remove all the horrible and pesky facial and body hair and the genital operations. ((_ Which changes (without the physical aspect) can you see in yourself? Either in personality or stuff like that.)) Well, I'm happy now. I don't go through phases of deep depression anymore. I'm not quite as shy as I used to be and I'm starting to be more outgoing. I can feel a range of emotion now, something I used to have a problem with. I can cry now when it's appropriate, that I never used to be able to do. I learned I enjoy dancing, especially pole dancing. I used to be terrified of crowds and the dance floor but now I greatly enjoy it. My taste in music is a little different. I've always liked rock, hard rock, metal, heavy metal, dubstep, etc but before I leaned towards more moody and dark depressing music. These days I tend to prefer more industrial, ebm, dancy type of music. I still like rock and metal but now I lean more towards upbeat goth nightclub type of music that makes me want to dance. My sexuality has changed a lot as well. I'm obviously not a straight male anymore. I'm still attracted to women but also am attracted to transgirls and androgenous boys. Im not really concerned with what's in their pants but I prefer femininity. I now consider myself a bisexual woman. ((_ How is to be a trans woman in the US?)) Being trans in America is scary. Transwomen are murdered here at a higher rate than any other demographic. People have harassed me on the street, followed me while walking, been openly rude in public places and often stare at me while I'm going about my day minding my own business. I've been turned down from jobs that I'm highly qualified for and have had people refuse to answer my questions at stores and businesses. The straight white christian majority treats girls like me like some sort of unholy abomination and they pass laws allowing blatant discrimination against me. ((_ Is the US an open minded society on this topic or they are very conservative?)) Some places in America are more open minded. I live near a college town with a higher than average LGBT population. This city is very progressive and very liberal, it's a safe haven for transpeople, that's why I moved here. Michigan is liberal in certain places but most of the state is very conservative. There is a very very large divide between the lower income minorities and the filthy rich hillbillies. Unfortunately our last election proved that half the country really are a bunch of racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic bigots who think it's their christian duty to repress any and everyone who isn't a straight white conservative Republican. ((_ Do you think that people know what is a trans person?)) I think many people are confused about what transgender really means. I am not a ladyboy, a he-she, a trap, crossdresser or transvestite. I am none of those things or any other offensive slur. I am not a man living as a woman or a man pretending to be a woman. I am a woman. It's that simple. Some women have a penis, some men have a vagina. Because of being born with a penis I was raised as a boy and lead to believe I was a boy. No one consulted me before they decided to call me a boy. Being transgender just means that I was mistaken as the wrong sex at birth and I am currently in the process of correcting that problem. ((_ Do you have laws in your country that helps trans people in their job search?)) In America we supposedly have anti discrimination laws to help us find jobs, but they are meaningless. Discrimination is still a very real problem. ((_ Do you have trans friends?)) I have many transgender friends. Some MtF, some FtM, some gender fluid or gender queer. Some crossdresser friends and some super confident straight cis gender friends who can pull off wearing certain clothes intended for the opposite sex who aren't regular CDs. My girlfriend is a transgirl like myself, she hasn't started hormones yet but hopes to soon. ((_ An interviewee said to me that some trans women have bitchiness attitudes, what do you think about that?)) I think a bitchy attitude is an individual problem. Not all trans people are that way, many of my trans friends are very happy, bubbly, delightful people. In public it might seem that way but I would say if any trans person comes off as bitchy then it is just a defence tactic. Everyday we face strangers who might be aggressive, hostile, rude, or annoying. Sometimes we never know who is going to harass or assault us, or at the least, ask rude inappropriate questions. Personally I'm a very open person, but while I'm riding the bus or ordering coffee I don't want to talk about my genitals. I try to keep my head held high and carry myself with confidence to avoid possible problems and confrontation, maybe some see it as bitchiness but it's probably just the trans person being a diva. I've always enjoyed studying psychology and sociology and in my spare time I'm an aspiring dominatrix, I can usually read people pretty well and tell who the asshole bull types are and who the shy submissive mousy types are so it's pretty easy for me to adjust how I treat people based on what type of response I hope to provoke. ((_ Why some trans women end up in prostitution?)) I believe some trans women, like any other type of woman, might end up in prostitution as a last resort. Often it's so hard to find legitimate jobs that many turn to sex work out of desperation. Some might do it as a fast way to make money for the expensive operations and procedures that many trans people so badly want and need. Then again there are also the ones who become sex workers because they are proud to be a fetish. Many men are what we call "tranny chasers", guys who seek transgender women because we are an exotic fetish, an oddity that they get off on. Many of these men just fantasize about a woman with a functional penis, something that not all trans girls have. The sex workers who capitalize on this niche market probably actually enjoy the work. Many find it empowering. Personally, I wouldn't become a prostitute, but I'd be happy to own a brothel. I would rather be a motherly figure who keeps the girls safe than do the dirty work myself, so to speak. ((_ How are men with you? (either respectful, stupid, etc))) I have no strong feelings one way or another. Boys are silly, men are often rude and sexist. Though I am open to sexual interaction with certain guys, I am not attracted to masculinity. The only type of guys I could ever date or **** are the twink, emo, androgenous or effeminate type. The male mind doesn't make sense to me, it was very obvious to me at a very early age that I didn't think like the boys so eventually I decided to stop trying to. ((_ Why some men are so conservative in their relation with trans women?)) Men are afraid to admit attraction to a transwoman because they seem to think it would make them gay, which of coarse is wrong. Too many people are stuck on the false idea that transwomen aren't really women, that we are just boys dressed as women. Of coarse, that isn't true. Transwomen are women, we should be treated as no different than any other woman. A trans woman and a cisgender man is a heterosexual couple. If a man dates a woman, he is straight. So to say that if a man dates a transwoman that makes him gay, that just perpetuates the false idea that transwomen are really men. It's bullshit and that attitude is what rationalizes violence towards us. ((_ Which is the best and the worst sensation of being trans?)) The best feeling in my transition is finally being happy, finally feeling like I can love myself after a lifetime of hating myself. It's a wonderful feeling to finally be able to express the feelings that I've kept buried for so many years. I feel happy to be alive, that's a big deal because for the first 20 years of my life I wasn't happy to be alive. The worst thing about being transgender is the hostile society we live in. The worst is other people. Other than the blatantly horrible things like harassment, assault, murder, rape, discrimination and constant denial of our right to exist, we must also deal with health insurance companies that refuse to cover transition related expenses and the ridiculously high cost of being forced to pay out of pocket for things that keep us alive. Like me, for many trans people the whole process of transition is the only reason we are still alive, so it's absurd that it's so damn expensive to be alive and happy. ((_ Did you experience a lot of discrimination or people are very positive?)) I've worked hard to avoid most negativity in my life. I've cut ties with all toxic people who didn't support me, I moved to a very liberal open minded city and surrounded myself with others like me. I deal with people staring at me in public and maybe some rude commentary but for the most part I try to show the world that it can not hurt me, that no matter how rude other people can be, I'll still be happy to be me and I'll still be fabulous. It's not all bad though, it's actually rare that I deal with the assholes, more often than not people are very nice. Every day (literally every single day) someone compliments my hair or my clothes or make up or just tells me I am pretty, beautiful, gorgeous or stunning. I love the attention and I love the compliments. I've been told I'm pretty by so many people I've even started to believe it. ((_ Would you like to have a family and stuff like that? Or that is not in your plan?)) I've never had much of a family so I've always dreamed of what that would be like. I have one daughter who is 8 years old. Her mother and I get along very well despite a terrible relationship and a bitter break up. We've worked out our differences and figured out how to get along but all the fighting and my many years of absence from her life has caused my daughter to not want a relationship with me. I don't force the issue, I just let her know that I want to be in her life and I will be willing to build a relationship with her whenever she is ready. Her mother and I agree that eventually she will grow out of her angsty hatred of me but she needs to do it at her own pace. Maybe someday if I am financially successful and stable enough I might adopt a child but I'm in no hurry to. For now I am content with my girlfriend and a few very close friends being like family to me. ((_ Did you or do you feel loneliness?)) I used to be lonely but I am now in a happy relationship with a wonderful woman who I love very much. We are never really apart so I always have companionship but sometimes I do feel lonely in the sense that I feel like it's us against the world, like neither of us can really relate to the rest of the world. ((_ Has being Devi has been an obstacle to relate yourself with others or has it helped you to have a better social life?)) In a lot of ways both. When I started transitioning I began attending goth night at my local night club on a regular basis to teach myself how to socialize. I sorta just faced my anxiety and threw myself into the social scene so I could learn to come out of my shell and learn how to be comfortable around people. As a result I met many great people, made many great friends and have filled my life with open minded accepting people. I've found that being me repells the people who I wouldn't want to socialize with anyway. The assholes avoid me, the good people are intrigued or fascinated enough by me to want to get to know me. ((_ If I ask you who is Devi? What would you say?)) I would say I am a proud freak who's happy to be a weirdo. I am a young lady who has some strange and unconventional likes and interests and I've lived a life that most will never understand. In a way I am a girl who is lucky to have a life filled with experiences that most people never will. I am an alien sent here from another world to learn to be a human. I didn't enjoy being a male at first so I've decided to spend the rest of my time on this planet being a female. So far I like this way much much better. ((_Why did you start writing in a blog and has it been a helpful experience?)) I use my writings as a journal. It's therapeutic for me to document my journey and all of the musings, rantings, and random head noise that comes with it. Some day I will write a book about my life, I will use my blogs as a guideline for the autobiography. Also, I hope that by sharing my experiences I can help people who are on the same path deal with any similar issues. ((_ From 1 to 10, how comfortable did you feel answering these questions?)) 10. I'm very comfortable being a very open person. I appreciate the opportunity to help other people understand what life is like for people like me.
    536 Posted by Devi Strigoica
  • Last night I was chatting with a fan on Instagram from Argentina about the current state of America and what it's like being a trans person. He said he's been interviewing trans women from around the world about our experiences and he asked me for to answer some questions for a magazine article he's writing. We did this by email because I don't have Skype on my recently new phone yet. Here's the questions and answers we sent to each other --------------- (( _ How was the beginning? When did you decide that you wanted to be Devi?)) It was always my deep dark secret that I wished to be a woman, I repressed it for many years because I didn't think it was possible. I thought I was stuck being a guy forever so I tried to fill the role as best as possible but it caused countless problems in my life and just never felt right. In my early 20s my feelings of wishing to be a girl returned but stronger than ever. I began researching genital surgery, hormones, transition and what it meant to be trans. Fashion design and making clothing for close friends and girlfriends has always been a hobby of mine but at some point around age 22 or 23 I started wearing some of the skirts and corsets I made in private. After work I would get myself all dolled up and prance around the house until I later fell asleep in lingerie. I actually used to have a French Maid outfit that I would wear while cleaning the house lol. It felt so right. I badly wanted to go out in public dolled up but I was too afraid to. At age 24 I couldn't keep my deep dark secret in any more so on Halloween of that year I let Devi be born. Leading up to that night was a series of small events that helped me realize that I'm not a crossdresser, I'm not a guy with a kink, I'm not a guy who wants to be a girl, I am not a guy, I am a girl. It took a lot of soul searching and deep meditation to realize that I am a woman, and that's why I hated myself for so many years. ((_ How was the reaction of your family and friends?)) I really have no family or living relatives so I guess I lucked out in not having to come out to family. My friends mostly didn't take it well. They all knew me as a straight male. I've always been the goth/ alternative type so my friends were used to me painting my nails, dying my hair, wearing make up and wearing strange clothes. I was always pretty eccentric and many of my antics bordered on insanity. My friends knew I wasn't a normal person and knew I didnt really relate to them in any way but for some reason they just couldn't accept me as a woman. I had to let a lot of them go because they refused to stop using my old name and refused to stop calling me a He and Him. This of coarse was unacceptable. I tried to explain to them that I was miserable in my old life, I badly hated myself and was often suicidal because of it. My deep self loathing caused me to have alcoholic and drug addict tendencies, violent outbursts towards the people around me, trips to jail for petty crimes and countless psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, and doctors not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. I kicked all my old friends out of my life because they seemed to like me better when I was miserable. Most of them weren't happy for me and constantly tried to get me to change my mind. I had to let them go because my transition is all about bettering my life, being a better person, finally being happy and finally loving myself. If my friends don't want me to be happy then they aren't really friends. ((_ Which were your fears at the beginning of the process?)) In the begining of coarse I was afraid that people wouldn't accept me. I was afraid that everyone would leave me and I'd be alone. Luckily the ones who did leave were ones I don't miss and I've made plenty of new, real friends who are happy for me and support my life decisions. Also of coarse I was afraid of never passing. I don't want to be seen as a guy in a dress. I didn't want to be seen as anything else but a natural born woman. Now days I'm proud to be trans and I live my life openly so that hopefully I can inspire other girls who might be too afraid to come out. Another big fear I had was never being able to afford the cost of transition. I was afraid I would never get health insurance to cover the hormones and thought I'd be stuck with a male body forever. I have health insurance now and have been on hormones for over a year but still will have to pay out of pocket for any surgeries and hair removal. That's still a fear of mine, that I will never be able to afford electrolysis to remove all the horrible and pesky facial and body hair and the genital operations. ((_ Which changes (without the physical aspect) can you see in yourself? Either in personality or stuff like that.)) Well, I'm happy now. I don't go through phases of deep depression anymore. I'm not quite as shy as I used to be and I'm starting to be more outgoing. I can feel a range of emotion now, something I used to have a problem with. I can cry now when it's appropriate, that I never used to be able to do. I learned I enjoy dancing, especially pole dancing. I used to be terrified of crowds and the dance floor but now I greatly enjoy it. My taste in music is a little different. I've always liked rock, hard rock, metal, heavy metal, dubstep, etc but before I leaned towards more moody and dark depressing music. These days I tend to prefer more industrial, ebm, dancy type of music. I still like rock and metal but now I lean more towards upbeat goth nightclub type of music that makes me want to dance. My sexuality has changed a lot as well. I'm obviously not a straight male anymore. I'm still attracted to women but also am attracted to transgirls and androgenous boys. Im not really concerned with what's in their pants but I prefer femininity. I now consider myself a bisexual woman. ((_ How is to be a trans woman in the US?)) Being trans in America is scary. Transwomen are murdered here at a higher rate than any other demographic. People have harassed me on the street, followed me while walking, been openly rude in public places and often stare at me while I'm going about my day minding my own business. I've been turned down from jobs that I'm highly qualified for and have had people refuse to answer my questions at stores and businesses. The straight white christian majority treats girls like me like some sort of unholy abomination and they pass laws allowing blatant discrimination against me. ((_ Is the US an open minded society on this topic or they are very conservative?)) Some places in America are more open minded. I live near a college town with a higher than average LGBT population. This city is very progressive and very liberal, it's a safe haven for transpeople, that's why I moved here. Michigan is liberal in certain places but most of the state is very conservative. There is a very very large divide between the lower income minorities and the filthy rich hillbillies. Unfortunately our last election proved that half the country really are a bunch of racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic bigots who think it's their christian duty to repress any and everyone who isn't a straight white conservative Republican. ((_ Do you think that people know what is a trans person?)) I think many people are confused about what transgender really means. I am not a ladyboy, a he-she, a trap, crossdresser or transvestite. I am none of those things or any other offensive slur. I am not a man living as a woman or a man pretending to be a woman. I am a woman. It's that simple. Some women have a penis, some men have a vagina. Because of being born with a penis I was raised as a boy and lead to believe I was a boy. No one consulted me before they decided to call me a boy. Being transgender just means that I was mistaken as the wrong sex at birth and I am currently in the process of correcting that problem. ((_ Do you have laws in your country that helps trans people in their job search?)) In America we supposedly have anti discrimination laws to help us find jobs, but they are meaningless. Discrimination is still a very real problem. ((_ Do you have trans friends?)) I have many transgender friends. Some MtF, some FtM, some gender fluid or gender queer. Some crossdresser friends and some super confident straight cis gender friends who can pull off wearing certain clothes intended for the opposite sex who aren't regular CDs. My girlfriend is a transgirl like myself, she hasn't started hormones yet but hopes to soon. ((_ An interviewee said to me that some trans women have bitchiness attitudes, what do you think about that?)) I think a bitchy attitude is an individual problem. Not all trans people are that way, many of my trans friends are very happy, bubbly, delightful people. In public it might seem that way but I would say if any trans person comes off as bitchy then it is just a defence tactic. Everyday we face strangers who might be aggressive, hostile, rude, or annoying. Sometimes we never know who is going to harass or assault us, or at the least, ask rude inappropriate questions. Personally I'm a very open person, but while I'm riding the bus or ordering coffee I don't want to talk about my genitals. I try to keep my head held high and carry myself with confidence to avoid possible problems and confrontation, maybe some see it as bitchiness but it's probably just the trans person being a diva. I've always enjoyed studying psychology and sociology and in my spare time I'm an aspiring dominatrix, I can usually read people pretty well and tell who the asshole bull types are and who the shy submissive mousy types are so it's pretty easy for me to adjust how I treat people based on what type of response I hope to provoke. ((_ Why some trans women end up in prostitution?)) I believe some trans women, like any other type of woman, might end up in prostitution as a last resort. Often it's so hard to find legitimate jobs that many turn to sex work out of desperation. Some might do it as a fast way to make money for the expensive operations and procedures that many trans people so badly want and need. Then again there are also the ones who become sex workers because they are proud to be a fetish. Many men are what we call "tranny chasers", guys who seek transgender women because we are an exotic fetish, an oddity that they get off on. Many of these men just fantasize about a woman with a functional penis, something that not all trans girls have. The sex workers who capitalize on this niche market probably actually enjoy the work. Many find it empowering. Personally, I wouldn't become a prostitute, but I'd be happy to own a brothel. I would rather be a motherly figure who keeps the girls safe than do the dirty work myself, so to speak. ((_ How are men with you? (either respectful, stupid, etc))) I have no strong feelings one way or another. Boys are silly, men are often rude and sexist. Though I am open to sexual interaction with certain guys, I am not attracted to masculinity. The only type of guys I could ever date or **** are the twink, emo, androgenous or effeminate type. The male mind doesn't make sense to me, it was very obvious to me at a very early age that I didn't think like the boys so eventually I decided to stop trying to. ((_ Why some men are so conservative in their relation with trans women?)) Men are afraid to admit attraction to a transwoman because they seem to think it would make them gay, which of coarse is wrong. Too many people are stuck on the false idea that transwomen aren't really women, that we are just boys dressed as women. Of coarse, that isn't true. Transwomen are women, we should be treated as no different than any other woman. A trans woman and a cisgender man is a heterosexual couple. If a man dates a woman, he is straight. So to say that if a man dates a transwoman that makes him gay, that just perpetuates the false idea that transwomen are really men. It's bullshit and that attitude is what rationalizes violence towards us. ((_ Which is the best and the worst sensation of being trans?)) The best feeling in my transition is finally being happy, finally feeling like I can love myself after a lifetime of hating myself. It's a wonderful feeling to finally be able to express the feelings that I've kept buried for so many years. I feel happy to be alive, that's a big deal because for the first 20 years of my life I wasn't happy to be alive. The worst thing about being transgender is the hostile society we live in. The worst is other people. Other than the blatantly horrible things like harassment, assault, murder, rape, discrimination and constant denial of our right to exist, we must also deal with health insurance companies that refuse to cover transition related expenses and the ridiculously high cost of being forced to pay out of pocket for things that keep us alive. Like me, for many trans people the whole process of transition is the only reason we are still alive, so it's absurd that it's so damn expensive to be alive and happy. ((_ Did you experience a lot of discrimination or people are very positive?)) I've worked hard to avoid most negativity in my life. I've cut ties with all toxic people who didn't support me, I moved to a very liberal open minded city and surrounded myself with others like me. I deal with people staring at me in public and maybe some rude commentary but for the most part I try to show the world that it can not hurt me, that no matter how rude other people can be, I'll still be happy to be me and I'll still be fabulous. It's not all bad though, it's actually rare that I deal with the assholes, more often than not people are very nice. Every day (literally every single day) someone compliments my hair or my clothes or make up or just tells me I am pretty, beautiful, gorgeous or stunning. I love the attention and I love the compliments. I've been told I'm pretty by so many people I've even started to believe it. ((_ Would you like to have a family and stuff like that? Or that is not in your plan?)) I've never had much of a family so I've always dreamed of what that would be like. I have one daughter who is 8 years old. Her mother and I get along very well despite a terrible relationship and a bitter break up. We've worked out our differences and figured out how to get along but all the fighting and my many years of absence from her life has caused my daughter to not want a relationship with me. I don't force the issue, I just let her know that I want to be in her life and I will be willing to build a relationship with her whenever she is ready. Her mother and I agree that eventually she will grow out of her angsty hatred of me but she needs to do it at her own pace. Maybe someday if I am financially successful and stable enough I might adopt a child but I'm in no hurry to. For now I am content with my girlfriend and a few very close friends being like family to me. ((_ Did you or do you feel loneliness?)) I used to be lonely but I am now in a happy relationship with a wonderful woman who I love very much. We are never really apart so I always have companionship but sometimes I do feel lonely in the sense that I feel like it's us against the world, like neither of us can really relate to the rest of the world. ((_ Has being Devi has been an obstacle to relate yourself with others or has it helped you to have a better social life?)) In a lot of ways both. When I started transitioning I began attending goth night at my local night club on a regular basis to teach myself how to socialize. I sorta just faced my anxiety and threw myself into the social scene so I could learn to come out of my shell and learn how to be comfortable around people. As a result I met many great people, made many great friends and have filled my life with open minded accepting people. I've found that being me repells the people who I wouldn't want to socialize with anyway. The assholes avoid me, the good people are intrigued or fascinated enough by me to want to get to know me. ((_ If I ask you who is Devi? What would you say?)) I would say I am a proud freak who's happy to be a weirdo. I am a young lady who has some strange and unconventional likes and interests and I've lived a life that most will never understand. In a way I am a girl who is lucky to have a life filled with experiences that most people never will. I am an alien sent here from another world to learn to be a human. I didn't enjoy being a male at first so I've decided to spend the rest of my time on this planet being a female. So far I like this way much much better. ((_Why did you start writing in a blog and has it been a helpful experience?)) I use my writings as a journal. It's therapeutic for me to document my journey and all of the musings, rantings, and random head noise that comes with it. Some day I will write a book about my life, I will use my blogs as a guideline for the autobiography. Also, I hope that by sharing my experiences I can help people who are on the same path deal with any similar issues. ((_ From 1 to 10, how comfortable did you feel answering these questions?)) 10. I'm very comfortable being a very open person. I appreciate the opportunity to help other people understand what life is like for people like me.
    Nov 15, 2016 536
  • 11 Nov 2016
    Why do i feel so ashamed that I am so jealous of most Cis female and all she or they can offer. when they talk about there body parts when us non Cis females do not have these natural body parts ? Is because I should of been or wish I was born with them
    461 Posted by sam burke
  • Why do i feel so ashamed that I am so jealous of most Cis female and all she or they can offer. when they talk about there body parts when us non Cis females do not have these natural body parts ? Is because I should of been or wish I was born with them
    Nov 11, 2016 461
  • 11 Nov 2016
    Halloween is a special day that for me is filled with mixed feelings. It is a day of both celebration and mourning. In the Pagan and New Age traditions October 31st is both the beginning and the end of what's known as the Wheel Of The Year. Halloween is the night you leave all of the previous year's negativity behind and celebrate the positivity of the year to come. Being a Pagan I take this tradition to heart and hold Halloween as the most sacred night of the year. But I promised you a story, so here goes... On October 31st. 2014 I left the house en femme for the first time. I had already been crossdressing in private for a very long time but that year I decided I couldn't keep my deep dark secret in anymore. I used Halloween as my first coming out because I knew many of my friends at the time wouldn't believe how badly I really wanted to be a girl. They all thought my ''costume'' was a joke, and I let them believe it. When asked why I dressed up as a girl I just simply responded ''this is the one night a year I can be anyone I want to be and I want to be a girl''. I put on my best skirt and corset, did my make up as well as I could and put my hair in pig tails, I looked like a cartoon but it was me, Devi. Finally the voice in my head and the girl of my dreams came to life, that day Devi was born. I went to a local bar with a few coworkers and of coarse they teased me to no end for my choice of ''costume''. I didn't care, I was happy. I didn't drink much and didn't dance, but as I sat on the stool watching the costume contest I was overflowing with joy at the fact that it wasn't a costume to me, I was just wearing the clothes that I liked, that I finally had the courage to wear outside. At closing time our plan was to meet at one of the friends houses for further fun and drinking. My ''friend'' who I was getting a ride with was noticabley angry and uncomfortable that I was touching up my lipstick in his passenger seat. He asked why I was doing that after leaving the bar and I just said, ''because the night isn't over, besides, no one took any pictures yet''. His blatant homophobia (transphobia?) caused him to drive faster than usual in a wreckless way. We rounded a bend on a freeway on-ramp and it's my understanding that we flipped the SUV off the side of the ramp doing over 50mph, fell 30 feet before landing upside down. I don't remember the crash but I remember a brief glimpse of walking towards a cop before fainting. The next time I woke up was in the hospital where I was told what had happened. After the crash the driver crawled out of the wreck and ran leaving me unconscious in it. He ran because he was drunk and had pot on him. He left me for dead because he was afraid of criminal charges. He was found down the street, taken to the hospital, and charged anyway. I was told I briefly regained consciousness and crawled out myself, I walked towards the flashing lights when a cop told me I needed to sit down. I collapsed in front of him and don't know what happened next. At the hospital I woke up fully en femme. At that time Devi and Dave were two very separate personalities. Dave was miserable and suicidal, that accident killed him and everything about myself I hated. I woke up as Devi, happy, free, out, and alive. The first day after the accident I still wasn't completely sure who or where I was, but I knew the guy I used to be was dead and the girl I always wanted to be was born. I learned that my injuries included a severe concussion, closed head injury, broken nose, severe lacerations and bruising and 15 stitches in my face. Small price to pay for the privilege of getting the reset I always wanted. That incident voided my friendship with the driver and I later settled out of court with his auto insurance company for $12,800. I'm currently in the process of filing for disability because 2 years later my memory is still terrible and I still dissociate more than is considered normal. It's now my new tradition to celebrate the anniversary of my coming out by not dressing up for Halloween. I pick something out of the closet that looks like a costume like 'goth school girl', 'dominatrix', 'flapper girl', or 'dead prom date' , but it's my inside joke that it's not really a costume, it's just my clothes and I'm just a weirdo. I love when people compliment my "costume" but I just giggle to myself at the fact that it's not really a costume. So that's the story of the first time I died. In the last two years since that night I've become more and more happy with my life and who I am. I've let go of most of my old negative ways and have embraced my life as a beautiful woman. I don't miss being a sad, suicidal, alcoholic straight male at all. I was never glad to be any of those things. These days I'm happier than ever to be the beautiful bisexual goth weirdo of woman I always wanted to be. It's been two years since I stopped holding in my deep dark secret and my life keeps getting better and better ever since.
    461 Posted by Devi Strigoica
  • Halloween is a special day that for me is filled with mixed feelings. It is a day of both celebration and mourning. In the Pagan and New Age traditions October 31st is both the beginning and the end of what's known as the Wheel Of The Year. Halloween is the night you leave all of the previous year's negativity behind and celebrate the positivity of the year to come. Being a Pagan I take this tradition to heart and hold Halloween as the most sacred night of the year. But I promised you a story, so here goes... On October 31st. 2014 I left the house en femme for the first time. I had already been crossdressing in private for a very long time but that year I decided I couldn't keep my deep dark secret in anymore. I used Halloween as my first coming out because I knew many of my friends at the time wouldn't believe how badly I really wanted to be a girl. They all thought my ''costume'' was a joke, and I let them believe it. When asked why I dressed up as a girl I just simply responded ''this is the one night a year I can be anyone I want to be and I want to be a girl''. I put on my best skirt and corset, did my make up as well as I could and put my hair in pig tails, I looked like a cartoon but it was me, Devi. Finally the voice in my head and the girl of my dreams came to life, that day Devi was born. I went to a local bar with a few coworkers and of coarse they teased me to no end for my choice of ''costume''. I didn't care, I was happy. I didn't drink much and didn't dance, but as I sat on the stool watching the costume contest I was overflowing with joy at the fact that it wasn't a costume to me, I was just wearing the clothes that I liked, that I finally had the courage to wear outside. At closing time our plan was to meet at one of the friends houses for further fun and drinking. My ''friend'' who I was getting a ride with was noticabley angry and uncomfortable that I was touching up my lipstick in his passenger seat. He asked why I was doing that after leaving the bar and I just said, ''because the night isn't over, besides, no one took any pictures yet''. His blatant homophobia (transphobia?) caused him to drive faster than usual in a wreckless way. We rounded a bend on a freeway on-ramp and it's my understanding that we flipped the SUV off the side of the ramp doing over 50mph, fell 30 feet before landing upside down. I don't remember the crash but I remember a brief glimpse of walking towards a cop before fainting. The next time I woke up was in the hospital where I was told what had happened. After the crash the driver crawled out of the wreck and ran leaving me unconscious in it. He ran because he was drunk and had pot on him. He left me for dead because he was afraid of criminal charges. He was found down the street, taken to the hospital, and charged anyway. I was told I briefly regained consciousness and crawled out myself, I walked towards the flashing lights when a cop told me I needed to sit down. I collapsed in front of him and don't know what happened next. At the hospital I woke up fully en femme. At that time Devi and Dave were two very separate personalities. Dave was miserable and suicidal, that accident killed him and everything about myself I hated. I woke up as Devi, happy, free, out, and alive. The first day after the accident I still wasn't completely sure who or where I was, but I knew the guy I used to be was dead and the girl I always wanted to be was born. I learned that my injuries included a severe concussion, closed head injury, broken nose, severe lacerations and bruising and 15 stitches in my face. Small price to pay for the privilege of getting the reset I always wanted. That incident voided my friendship with the driver and I later settled out of court with his auto insurance company for $12,800. I'm currently in the process of filing for disability because 2 years later my memory is still terrible and I still dissociate more than is considered normal. It's now my new tradition to celebrate the anniversary of my coming out by not dressing up for Halloween. I pick something out of the closet that looks like a costume like 'goth school girl', 'dominatrix', 'flapper girl', or 'dead prom date' , but it's my inside joke that it's not really a costume, it's just my clothes and I'm just a weirdo. I love when people compliment my "costume" but I just giggle to myself at the fact that it's not really a costume. So that's the story of the first time I died. In the last two years since that night I've become more and more happy with my life and who I am. I've let go of most of my old negative ways and have embraced my life as a beautiful woman. I don't miss being a sad, suicidal, alcoholic straight male at all. I was never glad to be any of those things. These days I'm happier than ever to be the beautiful bisexual goth weirdo of woman I always wanted to be. It's been two years since I stopped holding in my deep dark secret and my life keeps getting better and better ever since.
    Nov 11, 2016 461
  • 30 Oct 2016
    Just over 2 years since I come out as ftm, over 1 year on hormones. So life before as I know it now I identified as a straight feminine female (tried to), I was attracted to men, masculinity in women (butch) I was always done up daily make up, nails, hair, clothes etc, if I didn't I would feel like a complete failure, didn't have many women friends, got along with men as crushes, mutual friends, dates etc Now two years out as trans, I am comfortable with my self that I don't have to dress up in my best just to pop up the shop for milk ( which is a good thing ) BUT!! Since I've come out I have lost my confidence when it comes to interacting with males, ie at the gym , I am blessed that I have male passing privilege but I avoid all eye contact n get to my destination with my eyes towards the floor, that was never like me before, I now tend to be more comfortable with females then before, making friends, I will be more comfortable with a group of women instead of men (before was visa versa). And what I'm attracted too just got a whole lot more complicated, without trying to put people into boxes or "labeling" anyone I don't like masculine men but I find them attractive to look at and that is all, I like feminine males, with out stereotyping too much the "feminine males" I've interacted with till now have come with a hole load of drama which I'm not used ( just In my experience ). The "butch" lesbian (again sorry for stereotyping, it's what I find attractive) they are not interested as they are attracted to women (femininity in general) and me as a Transman havent got that much femininity, and if I have it would come across (stereotypically ) as gay :/ To top it all of I have a personal trainer that I work out with twice a week, and I think I have a crush on him. He knows I am trans, he is straight, still doesn't stop me from having inappropriate thoughts about him during our sessions, and as I'm body building training (early stages, nothing to brag about yet) there have been some pretty not appropriate position we've been in the the naughty thoughts just keep coming (pun not intended) Not sure why I felt the need to spill my guts, hope this helps some one if they feel like this and if any one else has felt like this would love some advice feed back
    449 Posted by Samual Davison
  • Just over 2 years since I come out as ftm, over 1 year on hormones. So life before as I know it now I identified as a straight feminine female (tried to), I was attracted to men, masculinity in women (butch) I was always done up daily make up, nails, hair, clothes etc, if I didn't I would feel like a complete failure, didn't have many women friends, got along with men as crushes, mutual friends, dates etc Now two years out as trans, I am comfortable with my self that I don't have to dress up in my best just to pop up the shop for milk ( which is a good thing ) BUT!! Since I've come out I have lost my confidence when it comes to interacting with males, ie at the gym , I am blessed that I have male passing privilege but I avoid all eye contact n get to my destination with my eyes towards the floor, that was never like me before, I now tend to be more comfortable with females then before, making friends, I will be more comfortable with a group of women instead of men (before was visa versa). And what I'm attracted too just got a whole lot more complicated, without trying to put people into boxes or "labeling" anyone I don't like masculine men but I find them attractive to look at and that is all, I like feminine males, with out stereotyping too much the "feminine males" I've interacted with till now have come with a hole load of drama which I'm not used ( just In my experience ). The "butch" lesbian (again sorry for stereotyping, it's what I find attractive) they are not interested as they are attracted to women (femininity in general) and me as a Transman havent got that much femininity, and if I have it would come across (stereotypically ) as gay :/ To top it all of I have a personal trainer that I work out with twice a week, and I think I have a crush on him. He knows I am trans, he is straight, still doesn't stop me from having inappropriate thoughts about him during our sessions, and as I'm body building training (early stages, nothing to brag about yet) there have been some pretty not appropriate position we've been in the the naughty thoughts just keep coming (pun not intended) Not sure why I felt the need to spill my guts, hope this helps some one if they feel like this and if any one else has felt like this would love some advice feed back
    Oct 30, 2016 449
  • 25 Oct 2016
    It's been a little over year now since I've began physical transition with hormone replacement therapy. So much has changed I'm not really sure where to start. At my last endocrinologist appointment I learned that my estrogen levels are in appropriate range and my testosterone levels are low, but not low enough for my liking. Sure, my boobs have grown to about a 34B cup and my facial features have softened in a much more feminine way, but I'm having trouble gaining weight in my hips and butt. Of coarse I'd like a more girly figure with a slimmer waist, flatter stomach, wider hips and rounder bum, but for some reason my body fat is still accumulating around the waist. Maybe I should focus on exercising and toning the belly and hope my curves catch up to me sooner or later. When I brought this concern up to my Endo he said that it's probably genetic, in his words, I am "going to mature into one of those tall statuesque women with very little body fat to begin with". Another physical thing I've noticed is my hair has been falling out lately. It's hard to tell if it's from male pattern shedding or if it's from my habit of regularly repurpling my hair. I've been dying my hair for years, it's been purple since before coming out. I'm used to the usual damage to my hair that I usually can maintain with fancy conditioners but lately it's been falling out worse and I can't help but panic over it and worry that it's a hormonal imbalance problem. The Dr. suggested I stop taking the Spiro and switch to Finastride but my insurance wouldn't cover it and paying put of pocket would be too expensive so I'm back on the Spiro. Side note: The FDA has only approved Finastride for males* and will not allow my insurance company to cover it for me, because my file with them was finally corrected to have to right gender marker. Yes, I am a woman. But some women have a prostate (that's what Finastride is actually intended for), and some men have a uterous. Gendered medication is just absurd, because some people of the opposite gender have the same body parts. Anyway, physically I feel like I'm at a plateau. Emotionally I am in a much better place as I was a year ago. I now finally can experience the full range of emotions, something I always had trouble with in my old life. I cry over terrible sadness, shed tears of joy when deeply at peace and madly in love. I feel like my mind simply functions better now. My underlying mental health issues that I knew hormones wouldn't fix are starting to be much easier to deal with. I still have occasional mood swings but they are much less intense now. Overall my life is better, I've had to distance myself from many old friends who refused to accept me, refused to respect me, never tried to use the right name or pronouns and often argued with me about myself. I'm happy they are all gone, a few of them I miss but most I don't. I don't have time or patience for toxic assholes who only want to bring me down. I've also drastically reduced my drinking and don't go out clubbing every week anymore. I still go dance for the bigger themed events but often don't show up for the slower nights filled with just the other regulars anymore. Many of them are too elitist for my taste, plus, bar drinks are expensive and weak. I still enjoy dancing but these days my idea of a good date is more like Chinese take out, a bottle of wine and an evening stroll hand in hand with my love. What else is different, hmm, well I quit smoking cigarettes several months ago and don't miss them, it was a nasty habit that I always wanted to quit anyway. Legally my life is much better now. My name is now legally Devi. I have my Driver's license and social security card in the right name but am still in the process of getting my birth certificate and passport with the correct name and gender on them. I am in the social security administration, health insurance company, state health plan agency, Dr.s office, pharmacies, etc files and systems as female but unfortunately in my state I can't get it changed on the driver's license until it's changed on the birth certificate which can't be changed until I have a letter from a surgeon saying I "am compete". Which is bullshit, obviously. All of us know, I am a woman, I am a person, I am a complete human, I am not missing any body parts, in the future I hope to have my current parts altered and reshaped, but they will still be my parts. Many trans people don't want genital surgery, most can't afford it, some can't have it for health reasons, they are all still complete people and deserve their identity to be respected and reflected on important identification documents! I could rant for days on all the problems that could arise due to being misgendered on documents. For all the disphpric trouble of being the victim of outdated hateful bureaucratic laws, at the very least it's just bad record keeping on the part of the agencies in charge of keeping the records. So my plan is to use my demographic sheet from social security that has the correct name and gender on it, along with a letter from my doctor stating that I am medically a woman, legally a woman according to current medical standards, and a few other supporting documents to get a passport with the correct name and gender. Once I have that I can use it to change the gender marker on my driver's license. Once that is done I can get it changed on my birth certificate. Ugh. Tedious, right? Seems like a lot of trouble just to prove I was mistakenly labelled as a boy at birth. No one consulted me before they raised me like a boy. Why do we do this? As a society, I mean. Many cultures around the world and throughout all of history have had some sort of coming of age ritual or celebration that involved a person taking on a new name and identity once they reached a certain age or point in development when they have grown enough to know who or what they wanted to be. Many of us never liked either our old name or old identity, so why does the law make it so difficult for us to document who we feel we really are? If we were up to no good why would we want a paper trail of documentation proving the identity of who we really are? I am a girl named Devi. My friends in real life as well as well as anyone who's ever read about me or chatted with me online know me as girl named Devi. In all of my interaction with anyone on any given day I am never anything but a young lady. So that's where I'm at, 1 year into the fun. I am physically a lady much more now than when I started, most of my legal documents have been corrected to my new legal name, currently working on getting both the new name and gender marker changed across the board on several different identification documents from several different state and federal agencies. It's a frustrating bureaucratic mess, but I'm pretty good at using a pen to get what I want. Once upon a time I wanted to be a paralegal, researching legal proceedings and procedures and find loopholes in the fine print of paperwork comes naturally to me. The legalities of transition can be stressful and often times designed to work against girls like me, but I'm good at this.
    562 Posted by Devi Strigoica
  • It's been a little over year now since I've began physical transition with hormone replacement therapy. So much has changed I'm not really sure where to start. At my last endocrinologist appointment I learned that my estrogen levels are in appropriate range and my testosterone levels are low, but not low enough for my liking. Sure, my boobs have grown to about a 34B cup and my facial features have softened in a much more feminine way, but I'm having trouble gaining weight in my hips and butt. Of coarse I'd like a more girly figure with a slimmer waist, flatter stomach, wider hips and rounder bum, but for some reason my body fat is still accumulating around the waist. Maybe I should focus on exercising and toning the belly and hope my curves catch up to me sooner or later. When I brought this concern up to my Endo he said that it's probably genetic, in his words, I am "going to mature into one of those tall statuesque women with very little body fat to begin with". Another physical thing I've noticed is my hair has been falling out lately. It's hard to tell if it's from male pattern shedding or if it's from my habit of regularly repurpling my hair. I've been dying my hair for years, it's been purple since before coming out. I'm used to the usual damage to my hair that I usually can maintain with fancy conditioners but lately it's been falling out worse and I can't help but panic over it and worry that it's a hormonal imbalance problem. The Dr. suggested I stop taking the Spiro and switch to Finastride but my insurance wouldn't cover it and paying put of pocket would be too expensive so I'm back on the Spiro. Side note: The FDA has only approved Finastride for males* and will not allow my insurance company to cover it for me, because my file with them was finally corrected to have to right gender marker. Yes, I am a woman. But some women have a prostate (that's what Finastride is actually intended for), and some men have a uterous. Gendered medication is just absurd, because some people of the opposite gender have the same body parts. Anyway, physically I feel like I'm at a plateau. Emotionally I am in a much better place as I was a year ago. I now finally can experience the full range of emotions, something I always had trouble with in my old life. I cry over terrible sadness, shed tears of joy when deeply at peace and madly in love. I feel like my mind simply functions better now. My underlying mental health issues that I knew hormones wouldn't fix are starting to be much easier to deal with. I still have occasional mood swings but they are much less intense now. Overall my life is better, I've had to distance myself from many old friends who refused to accept me, refused to respect me, never tried to use the right name or pronouns and often argued with me about myself. I'm happy they are all gone, a few of them I miss but most I don't. I don't have time or patience for toxic assholes who only want to bring me down. I've also drastically reduced my drinking and don't go out clubbing every week anymore. I still go dance for the bigger themed events but often don't show up for the slower nights filled with just the other regulars anymore. Many of them are too elitist for my taste, plus, bar drinks are expensive and weak. I still enjoy dancing but these days my idea of a good date is more like Chinese take out, a bottle of wine and an evening stroll hand in hand with my love. What else is different, hmm, well I quit smoking cigarettes several months ago and don't miss them, it was a nasty habit that I always wanted to quit anyway. Legally my life is much better now. My name is now legally Devi. I have my Driver's license and social security card in the right name but am still in the process of getting my birth certificate and passport with the correct name and gender on them. I am in the social security administration, health insurance company, state health plan agency, Dr.s office, pharmacies, etc files and systems as female but unfortunately in my state I can't get it changed on the driver's license until it's changed on the birth certificate which can't be changed until I have a letter from a surgeon saying I "am compete". Which is bullshit, obviously. All of us know, I am a woman, I am a person, I am a complete human, I am not missing any body parts, in the future I hope to have my current parts altered and reshaped, but they will still be my parts. Many trans people don't want genital surgery, most can't afford it, some can't have it for health reasons, they are all still complete people and deserve their identity to be respected and reflected on important identification documents! I could rant for days on all the problems that could arise due to being misgendered on documents. For all the disphpric trouble of being the victim of outdated hateful bureaucratic laws, at the very least it's just bad record keeping on the part of the agencies in charge of keeping the records. So my plan is to use my demographic sheet from social security that has the correct name and gender on it, along with a letter from my doctor stating that I am medically a woman, legally a woman according to current medical standards, and a few other supporting documents to get a passport with the correct name and gender. Once I have that I can use it to change the gender marker on my driver's license. Once that is done I can get it changed on my birth certificate. Ugh. Tedious, right? Seems like a lot of trouble just to prove I was mistakenly labelled as a boy at birth. No one consulted me before they raised me like a boy. Why do we do this? As a society, I mean. Many cultures around the world and throughout all of history have had some sort of coming of age ritual or celebration that involved a person taking on a new name and identity once they reached a certain age or point in development when they have grown enough to know who or what they wanted to be. Many of us never liked either our old name or old identity, so why does the law make it so difficult for us to document who we feel we really are? If we were up to no good why would we want a paper trail of documentation proving the identity of who we really are? I am a girl named Devi. My friends in real life as well as well as anyone who's ever read about me or chatted with me online know me as girl named Devi. In all of my interaction with anyone on any given day I am never anything but a young lady. So that's where I'm at, 1 year into the fun. I am physically a lady much more now than when I started, most of my legal documents have been corrected to my new legal name, currently working on getting both the new name and gender marker changed across the board on several different identification documents from several different state and federal agencies. It's a frustrating bureaucratic mess, but I'm pretty good at using a pen to get what I want. Once upon a time I wanted to be a paralegal, researching legal proceedings and procedures and find loopholes in the fine print of paperwork comes naturally to me. The legalities of transition can be stressful and often times designed to work against girls like me, but I'm good at this.
    Oct 25, 2016 562
  • 23 Oct 2016
    It is unfortunate that the early researchers tried to popularise their work, and presumably themselves, with this title ( Patricia A Jacobs et al in Edinburgh, 1959 and several articles in the Lancet: 2 January 1960 and 17 September)   Bernard Lennox, Principal advisor on medical terms to the Oxford English Dictionary chose to publish this erronious and misleading word to describe XXX females.   Triple X Syndrome occurs in 1 in 1000 girls. It is NOT inherited. The majority are never diagnosed. Some have XX cells and XXX cells. This is called a mosaic. Observable physical anomalies: rare except for 'taller than average and sisters'. So few XXX females are identified that effects are not easily identified and samples may not be significant: characteristics may include:- No effects or extremely mild Stature - tall (accelerated growth to puberty), small head, epicanthic (eyelid) folds, speech learning difficulties (dyslexia) Potential risks:- Auditory processing disorders, delayed language development, motor co-ordination problems, scoliosis Poor school academic performance, psychological and personality problems Early ovarian failure, despite normal fertility Anxiety, shyness and low self-esteem Benificial aids: Stable and happy home environment Leaving school   Physical tests: blood test confirms XXX, EEG abnormalities      
  • It is unfortunate that the early researchers tried to popularise their work, and presumably themselves, with this title ( Patricia A Jacobs et al in Edinburgh, 1959 and several articles in the Lancet: 2 January 1960 and 17 September)   Bernard Lennox, Principal advisor on medical terms to the Oxford English Dictionary chose to publish this erronious and misleading word to describe XXX females.   Triple X Syndrome occurs in 1 in 1000 girls. It is NOT inherited. The majority are never diagnosed. Some have XX cells and XXX cells. This is called a mosaic. Observable physical anomalies: rare except for 'taller than average and sisters'. So few XXX females are identified that effects are not easily identified and samples may not be significant: characteristics may include:- No effects or extremely mild Stature - tall (accelerated growth to puberty), small head, epicanthic (eyelid) folds, speech learning difficulties (dyslexia) Potential risks:- Auditory processing disorders, delayed language development, motor co-ordination problems, scoliosis Poor school academic performance, psychological and personality problems Early ovarian failure, despite normal fertility Anxiety, shyness and low self-esteem Benificial aids: Stable and happy home environment Leaving school   Physical tests: blood test confirms XXX, EEG abnormalities      
    Oct 23, 2016 617
  • 20 Oct 2016
    I will perhaps write at length about the sorry affair of this week's meeting of interested and totally bored and dis-interested professionals in Caerdydd, our 'Welsh' supposed Capital city, once I have time to talk to Trans survivors of this solely box-ticking exercise.   Suffice it to say that GIC professional simply 'lost the plot', other Medical professionals (who all appeared to be bigotted General Practitioners) lost no time in sneering at the assembled domestic livestock herded into the 'Cattle Auction' (a handful of sadly hopeful Trans-women and one -man).   Our leaders presumably had wind of the antagonistic attitude to our community. I was asked to attend in order to provide a Trans Medical presence and balanced view-point.   My Curriculum Vitae includes: Professor of Surgery Chair, Speciality Advisory Committee Associate Dean of Postgraduate Medicine Chair, Regional Speciality Training Committee Regional Training Director Royal College Regional Advisor, Council member, Examiner, etc.   I suspect that I recently missed a phonecall from one of our leading representatives on Govt comittees to attend. I had, however, already resisted invitations; as I thought that the meeting would be a total waste of time. I did not realise that the GPs were of my generation. Psychiatry was 2 weeks of mornings in training; and, if you could be bothered to read the text-books - well! All such weighty tomes were written by expatriate Austro-Hungarrians fleeing from the Nazis. Each and every one stated emphatically that what we currently call Gender Dysphoria was "A severe Psychotic Mental Illness, always associated with Paedophilia, requiring immediate 'sectioning' under the auspices of the Mental Health Act for the statuary 28 days: thereafter transfer to a secure Mental Asylum for appropriate treatment over a minimum period of 2 years (twice weekly Electro-Convulsive Therapy covered by intra-muscular Sodium Pentothal. Ms April Ashley OBE received this 'treatment' in its entitity'.   The 'Death-camp' Psychiatrists with their mis-guided psycho-analsis based 'philosophy' are thankfully long gone. However, this meaningless exercise has demonstrated that their non-Psychiatrist off-spring are institutionally antagonistic and would benefit from re-training. The GPs and their bigotted acolytes seemingly enjoyed Trans-baiting' and added insult to injury by repeatedly referring to "YOU TRANS pause, long pause PEOPLE!   I am a gentle and (hopefully) charming lady, not given to any form of violence. The reason I declined to attend is simply that I did not want to descend to their level and that of their North Carolina Governor "chum".    R.I.P. the proposed Welsh GIC: R.I.P Charing Cross GIC
  • I will perhaps write at length about the sorry affair of this week's meeting of interested and totally bored and dis-interested professionals in Caerdydd, our 'Welsh' supposed Capital city, once I have time to talk to Trans survivors of this solely box-ticking exercise.   Suffice it to say that GIC professional simply 'lost the plot', other Medical professionals (who all appeared to be bigotted General Practitioners) lost no time in sneering at the assembled domestic livestock herded into the 'Cattle Auction' (a handful of sadly hopeful Trans-women and one -man).   Our leaders presumably had wind of the antagonistic attitude to our community. I was asked to attend in order to provide a Trans Medical presence and balanced view-point.   My Curriculum Vitae includes: Professor of Surgery Chair, Speciality Advisory Committee Associate Dean of Postgraduate Medicine Chair, Regional Speciality Training Committee Regional Training Director Royal College Regional Advisor, Council member, Examiner, etc.   I suspect that I recently missed a phonecall from one of our leading representatives on Govt comittees to attend. I had, however, already resisted invitations; as I thought that the meeting would be a total waste of time. I did not realise that the GPs were of my generation. Psychiatry was 2 weeks of mornings in training; and, if you could be bothered to read the text-books - well! All such weighty tomes were written by expatriate Austro-Hungarrians fleeing from the Nazis. Each and every one stated emphatically that what we currently call Gender Dysphoria was "A severe Psychotic Mental Illness, always associated with Paedophilia, requiring immediate 'sectioning' under the auspices of the Mental Health Act for the statuary 28 days: thereafter transfer to a secure Mental Asylum for appropriate treatment over a minimum period of 2 years (twice weekly Electro-Convulsive Therapy covered by intra-muscular Sodium Pentothal. Ms April Ashley OBE received this 'treatment' in its entitity'.   The 'Death-camp' Psychiatrists with their mis-guided psycho-analsis based 'philosophy' are thankfully long gone. However, this meaningless exercise has demonstrated that their non-Psychiatrist off-spring are institutionally antagonistic and would benefit from re-training. The GPs and their bigotted acolytes seemingly enjoyed Trans-baiting' and added insult to injury by repeatedly referring to "YOU TRANS pause, long pause PEOPLE!   I am a gentle and (hopefully) charming lady, not given to any form of violence. The reason I declined to attend is simply that I did not want to descend to their level and that of their North Carolina Governor "chum".    R.I.P. the proposed Welsh GIC: R.I.P Charing Cross GIC
    Oct 20, 2016 502
  • 20 Oct 2016
    Chatting to several Trustees of 'Sparkle' 2017 in Manchester's Gay Village, prior to the initial meeting for the event, I mentioned that I had just seen and appreciated an appropriately dressed, older, smart and elegant business-woman on her way to Piccadilly Station. At that moment, in the rush hour crowd, an equally smart business-man, walking next to me, turned to his female colleague and said "Look, a drag queen, mind you we are on the edge otf their Gay Village". The young woman said "Welcome to the 20th Century, she is what you should now call a Trans-woman with appropriate, excellent make up, expensive wig, etc. I think she's lovely, and I prefer to call her a woman". He looked at me, somewhat 'confused', and I smiled as one does to a small child.  
  • Chatting to several Trustees of 'Sparkle' 2017 in Manchester's Gay Village, prior to the initial meeting for the event, I mentioned that I had just seen and appreciated an appropriately dressed, older, smart and elegant business-woman on her way to Piccadilly Station. At that moment, in the rush hour crowd, an equally smart business-man, walking next to me, turned to his female colleague and said "Look, a drag queen, mind you we are on the edge otf their Gay Village". The young woman said "Welcome to the 20th Century, she is what you should now call a Trans-woman with appropriate, excellent make up, expensive wig, etc. I think she's lovely, and I prefer to call her a woman". He looked at me, somewhat 'confused', and I smiled as one does to a small child.  
    Oct 20, 2016 563