Hello again? I had a reather uneventful day.  Most of which was spent on line, sigh   But I did see a unique u tube posting which gave me pause for thought.   It seems that I didn't have a morning routine. So I'd roll out of bed go to that bathroom take care of business, taking my gurly pills and such clean my dentures after they had been sitting in cold water overnight.  and such, we musent get to detailed here right. lol   I then sat down in front of my lap top at home and looked for what happened to the world while I was sleeping.  After a few hours of this I decided that it was about time i went outside and got some fresh air.  I live in a sealed building no opening the windows, grrr.   I put on the bra and manties, then looked around for what else to wear.  Oh my everything is fairly well soiled, That is what I get for going so long without doin the laundry. Funny I used to enjoy it so too.     Anywho,  I found that when ever I start the day I'm sorta in gender neutral from having started the day so many years now this way.   I thought that I should take a few minutes and meditate or at least say a montry affirming that I am a gurl/woman now.  This might help with my guilty feelings in wearing woman's attire outside.   For the past few months I have started carrying a decidely feminine purse, having switched from a gender neutral messenger bag.  I've also begun wearing daily earrings.  That is about as far as I could allow myself to go. sigh  Not long ago I did have occasion to go out and conduct some business wearing a blouse and earrings carrying a purse.  I was surprised pleasantly by the way no one managed to noticiblly notice me.  I got a few second glances but that was about it.   I am quite sure that I'm not able to "pass" as soon as i open my mouth i spill the beans cuz i haven't found a way to adjust my voice yet.   I have an appointment with my mental health practical nurse who oversee's my meds except for the gurl pills.  I have been out to her for quite sometime but she has never seen me en fem.  I have an appointment with her on Tuesday and have today decided that I will go en fem on that day.  I will be traveling on public transport but it will not be commuters hours.  I wonder what her reaction will be like?  giggle   So between tonight and Tuesday noon I will be trying to do all I can to re affirm my feminine personna.  giggle   Well that is about all I can think of to say so. . here's hoping.  I will try to write on tuesday about the little adventure.  Rhonda

St Audries Bay TV week , May 2012 This event takes place twice a year in May and September, just a few miles north of Watchet in Somerset, as it was almost a 400 mile drive I had decided that I would not be able to go in September as well, To break the journey I stayed at Ironbridge over the week end and visited a few places in that area which I had wanted to see for years. On the Monday morning 7 May I continued on to St Audries bay, I had been looking forward to this week for months, on arrival I booked into the single chalet with half board I had opted for, nothing fancy but OK – a bit on the small side for the amount of luggage I took!!  But fine as long as I kept it tidy, Showered and changed into skirt and top, I went off to explore the facilities which are very good, and to meet some of the other girls (and a few Boys). a few of the girls had their wives with them, the first thing that struck me was some of the way out outfits on show, some outrageous, but none were indecent.      Dinner was served at 18.00 hrs. and the food was to a high standard, this was the time when we really started to get to know each other, so many new faces and names I think we all had a job trying to remember names, after dinner  there was a short bingo session (not my cup of tea) before the disco started at 21.00 hrs. again not my thing but there were plenty of other comfortable places to go and just chat over a drink, this is when I first met Marlene a lovely RG lady who gave me a lot of encouragement and advice over the week, she asked me if I was interested in the coach trip organised for the Wednesday – I had already decided not to go but when I found that it was just a mini bus and she told me the details I changed my mind and booked.      The Tuesday was spent quietly getting to know one another, and making lots of new friends, one very experienced girl I was chatting to about trying to be convincing and blending in told me that I was doing well and actually looked like a girl, which again boosted my confidence and looking at some of the girls and their dress sense I could see that I was quite a bit more convincing than some.  There was also a table top sale where I bought a couple of bracelets, and the “newbies get together” complete with wine. After dinner they held the first round of “play your cards right” followed by cabaret and disco.       The coach trip left at 11.30 on Wednesday  and firstly headed for sea life aquarium at  Weston super mare, when  we arrived on the sea front there was quite a cold wind coming in from the sea so there were not that many people about which I was quite pleased about as this was just my second time out among “joe public” there were a few people in the aquarium  but It almost felt as if we were un noticed with no problems at all which boosted my confidence, We then went back to Watchet where the Esplanade club opened especially for us and put on a lovely buffet meal—far more than we could eat and very high standard, being on the harbour side we were able to go out and mingle with the public and view the boats in the marina , but with a safe “bolt hole” in the club in case of trouble, but we enjoyed our time there without incident, a further boost to my confidence.         On Thursday there was among other things a pool competition which I entered out of a fit of daftness, having never played pool before (I had played a little snooker about 50 years ago) needless to say I was knocked out in the first round – best of 3 games – 1st game I was whitewashed- second game I did manage to pocket 2 balls--- progress of sorts. By this time it was near lunch time and as I had some food in the car and a flask of coffee I took off for Watchet on my own and went to the harbour where we had been the day before, , parked the car as close to the ticket machine as possible, took a deep breath and went and bought a ticket, I then moved as close to the harbour as possible, parked up and had a light lunch while watching passers-by, and especially observing  what women were wearing, as there was a cool breeze in from the sea most were wearing coats. I had a light weight coat in the car so put this on in order to “blend in” as far as possible, took a deep breath and set off with my bag over my shoulder, I walked right across the harbour front and into the town without incident and with growing confidence, as I needed some ciggies I looked for a shop which was not too busy and a little way on came to the post office/ gift shop, I stood outside for a few moments, fished my purse out of my bag and went boldly in, the lady behind the counter never batted an eyelid when I asked- very quietly in my best (HA HA ) girly voice asked for 40 Benson & hedges, paid for them , collected my change and strolled out, on my way back to the car I deliberately waked down the side of the street where there were quite a few people about—no problem , as I walked back across the harbour I could hear a steam train of the west Somerset railway approaching so when I got back to the car (the car park is alongside the railway station) I got the camera out and stood by the car waiting for the train to arrive, just then an oldish man came to his car parked 2 spaces away from me and let his dog out, dog immediately came towards me , its owner tried to call it back saying “come here now don’t go bothering the lady” dog took no notice and came up to me tail wagging,  so I stroked its ear, it then went back to its owner and he said to it “ yes she was being nice to you” I am quite convinced that he was being genuine and had not read me--- needless to say I was more than a little pleased . The train arrived and I got my photos, by which time it was time to head back, basking in the buzz of my first real time out on my own. That evening was the third and final round of play your cards right, in another fit of daftness I bought a ticket and to my amazement my number was called as the second contestant, My first card was a queen so I went lower and turned up a 2 – so I went higher – and turned up another 2 – that put an end to my moment of glory!!  After this was the Miss St Audries Bay competition – which I did not enter! – but was won by Roslyn, one of the girls I had become friends with, she was wearing a lovely lime green evening dress and was a well-deserved winner, another disco rounded the evening off.       Friday saw me itching to go out again, as I had been advised that Minehead was a safe place to go to, off I went wearing my green suite and as there was a cold wind again I put on my heavier camel coat, I was able to park in the main street and set off for a walk, within 40 yards I bumped into Steph, one of the other girls I had met, we had a chat and she told me that she was going to the cider farm which is TV friendly, for a coffee, so I said that once I had my walk I would catch her up at the farm, off I went to the end of the street – about 500 yards, crossed over and started up the other side, about ¾ way back to the car IT happened, I suddenly felt my skirt which has an elasticated waist sliding down over my hips OOOOPs –a few seconds of panic , - I put my hand into my coat pocket and was just in time to grab the waistband of said skirt and pull it back a bit before it hit the ground , I was then able to get slowly back to the car and get in, fortunately I had my emergency sewing kit in the car which contained some safety pins ( a girl’s best friend at a time like this) I sat in the car and discreetly pinned my skirt into position. I was disappointed at not completing my walk so got back out and went a further 50 or 60 yards up the street and back, but was not 100% sure of my pin up job, so decided to skip the cider farm and head for a quiet place where I could make a better job of securing the offending garment . I headed up into the hills on a quiet back road and found the perfect place to effect repairs and have some lunch from my ration box. This done there was plenty of time left so I headed back towards Watchet, on the way I came across a forestry commission car park which was empty – a perfect place to test the security of my skirt—a stroll round the car park a few times put my mind at rest, so on to Watchet, Parked up and made for the harbour again and had another walk but this time there was a party of school kids( dangerous animals so I am told)at the far end of the harbour so I turned back and had a walk along the railway station platform instead, as I was now satisfied that the skirt incident had not un-nerved me I made my way back to St Audries. That evening was largely taken up with “curtain Call” which was a 2 hour show put on by some of the girls, considering that this is done at short notice it was mostly very good.      Saturday saw a few of us heading for the cider farm which I had missed out on the day before, as it was in a very sheltered location the cold wind did not find us and it turned out to be the warmest day of the week, so we enjoyed a coffee and scone in the sunshine, that evening was the Gala dinner followed by prize giving and cabaret . Sunday was a bit sad and quite a few tears were shed as girls departed for home, I had booked to stay on for another 4 days to explore the area more (in Drab) and visit the railway but on the Monday I had a very special trip to make – to Bickleigh Mill near Tiverton to meet the one and only Carol – we had a lovely couple of hours chat and coffee – she really is a super lady – but that is another story.      Did I say I could not go again in September --- I only thought that before I went, so guess what – I’m booked for September and next May – roll on September.     

OMG.....is it really that long since i blogged? Well, its not been too bad a period for me. On Tuesday, i had an appointment over at the Norwich GIC ( Gender Identity Clinic) with Dr Ted Olive, who i last saw here in Lowestoft back in April of 2006. This time he was accompanied by Barbara Ross who i'd never met before & got on very well with. I certainly gained a lot out of it & knowin that there IS somewhere closer to home is a great help to me, because its hard being stuck out here. But, in just under 4wks time i'm gonna be one very happy girl because my Charllet's coming to stay for a week & just before xmas too. I haven't seen her since mid-july & have missed her so much it hurts. Getting to see her so close to christmas is truly going to be the bestest prezzie EVER!!. There's been some news that everyone in town has been talking about. It even made the local and National news too. Last thursdsay a man was arrested at the train station & it turns out A) he was very drunk & B) he was ONLY carrying two improvised explosive devices ( Bombs) with him as well as certain literature too. He went before the magistrates here who BAILED him, despite him carrying all that stuff with him. I just thank god the MET re-arrested him immediately & he's now in custody facing major Charges relating to terrorism.  I Honestly never thought i'd see that kind of thing here, & thinking what could have happened had he not been caught....well it just doesnt bear thinking about does it?.

Hi,    In this Mag I have written a article on my forced feminination by a local college, and my various adventures as a female going back to college. Yes the college is forcing me to be a woman at least on campus. Here is a small part on my article. "I was in the office of the dean of students with there chief of police discussing my enrolment into the college my first semester there. I was dressed at the time in a 3 piece mens business suit complete with a tie, and my very male patterned baldness showing.    I said "Do you realise that you are asking a XY male raised man to use thw woman's locker room?"    The chief said "Aaaaaa yaaaa we have to ask you to use the woman's locker room for legal reasons." Oh ya this is going to be good. So thus attired I ventured into the woman's locker room, and was promptly assaulted by 2 Asian female students........     You can read the rest in my article as to what happened.  As time goes on I will tell all you of my adventures, and my thoughts on this.   Take Cree, Elder A. Vickie Boisseau CPS I am not my body. - Thich Nhat Hanh

This is my take on our girls weekend out in Milton Keynes arranged by Faye   For me the weekend started on thurs evening with packing, what to take what not to take? So i took way to much of everything. As i had booked for a make over at Style Me Quirky on the friday i packed two bags, one for friday, clothes for travelling back, two options ( i can never make my mind up what to wear) shoes, make up and loads of other stuff. The other bag was packed for saturday, even more shoes, 5 or 6 dresses, casual clothes, and way to much other stuff. Finally with everything packed it was off to bed to try to sleep, with the excitement building sleep eventually came in the early hours.   Friday morning arrives, the bags are put ih the car and im off. Driving to Milton Keynes so much goes through my mind. Will we all get on, what will the hotel and club be like, will i have the nerve to spend the whole weekend as Monique. Before i realise it I have arrived in Milton Keynes, way to early, its only 11.15. A quick check on the hotel location I decide to kill some time by going for a drive around. A quick trip up the road and i discover a shopping complex. So I decide to have a quick look around. First stop was TK Max, lots of cheap clothes but i dont have the nerve to look through the miles of rails as the shop is really busy. Next stop is Brantanos, here the problem is opposite, the shop is void of people and i feel very self concious walking around the womens shoes. I feel as though the sale assistants are watching me and laughing inside, im sure they are not but i decide to head out, im sure the young female assistant gave me a knowing smile as i head out the door. Back in the car i kick myself for being so stupid and realise that if i am going to enjoy this weekend i will need to be more confident, not a real strong point for me.   I decide to get something to eat as ive had no food since Thursday evening. Just around the corner i find a Burger King. A quick burger meal then i head to the hotel. I sit in the carpark reading the paper waiting for the girls to arrive. Again so much goes through my mind and im starting to feel really nervous about the whole weekend. I am bought back to reality by a text message from Debs, Faye has picked her up from the airport and they are on their way. A short time later i recognise a blue Saab as it pulls up in the car park, and nearly flattens a hedge.  I nervously get out of the car and walk over. The first thing that happens is a big hug from Debs, then a hug from Faye. We stand and chat for a short while and i can honestly say from that first hug my confidence is growing and my nerves seem to have gone. We check in to the hotel laughing and joking all the time, we all end  up in rooms next to one another, so we head upstairs to get settled before we head off to London.   We all meet outside the rooms. Faye has changed while me and Debs are still in drab mode. Faye is muttering something about not looking good, but i think she looks great. We head to the car park put mine and Debs bags in the car and we are off to London. The drive is pretty uneventfull, but the chat in the car is good and we have a good laugh on the journey. The more we chat and laugh the more relaxed and confident i feel about the weekend. We arrive in London park the car and make our way to the Styke Me Quirky studio.   We get to the studio and call Pops to say we have arrived, by this time i am doing a stupid dance as i am busting for a pee, of course the girls are sympathetic about this, NOT, but we have a laugh about it. I my case a little laugh as i dont want to wet myself literally. Pops and Kelly come down to meet us and i make a mad dash for the loo. I return to find everyone chatting and getting on like a house on fire so i just join in the chat while we have a smoke before going in for the make over. Seeing Pops again is like meeting an old friend and we chat like you would with someone you see everyday. We finish our cigs and head into the studio. For me personally this makeover was much easier than the first as i feel at ease with the Style Me Quirky crew even though ive never met Kelly before. I will not go into the make over now, but i will say it was a blast especially when Cathy arrived.  you need to read Debs blog about her make over.   We leave the studio around midnight and head to Pops house for a quick drink before we head back to Milton Keynes. We chat for a while about the day and have a good laugh. On a personal note while having a smoke in the garden with just Pops we have a personal chat, and as much as Pops has found a client who will return when possible i would also class Pops as a friend who cares. We all say our farewells throw the bags in the car and we head back to Milton Keynes.   Driving back we chat about the day so far and we all agree it has been a great day. The drive back was a lot quicker, mainly because lack of traffic but also down to my heavy right foot, thank god the sat nav pics up speed cameras. Debs and Faye have a bit of a snooze on the way back, i know because i can here the radio.............lol. I must admit i cannot stop smiling all the way back as i have had a great day with a couple of great girls. At this time i would honestly say i was flagging having had such a long day, but when we get close to the hotel it is decided we will go to PP's and it was the right decision.   to be continued  

Day to day discussion of  life in the dual world.Quote of the day: Overheard on one of the "judge" shows on trash tv. One room mate tells another that she has multiple personalities. The woman replies to the other room mate (a TG girl)- that's funny because "you are a man". What was she implying? That Barton aka Brook were two different people? lol    Girls need beer too!I have observed this on several occasions...but never as clear cut as tonight. On several occasions (when I have been out with GG's) they have been real aggressive at the bar ordering more drinks. Tonight I understood why, as the female bartender waited on EVERY guy at the bar before turning her attention to me. Lesson learned! Success!  I learned tonight how to post directly to the blog from my cell phone. "Ain't technology grand?" Womanless Beauty Pageants...Look out "Miss America?"   This contestant in "Kilgore, Texas" recently proved that Texas can provide a few real pretty guys! Actually these events have been going on for awhile and are now starting to draw attention on the internet. If you go to the "Femulate" site listed here, the best of the best guys are featured. As we all know, a look such as this one just doesn't happen by accident. It is always fun to speculate how much "practice" some of the contestants put into the pageant! Older (2007) pageant winner. Only info I have is "her" name is Jacquelin.   

So Today , I took a days Holiday  went to London, main reason was see  gender Specialist for routine appointment. Writing now I think I should explain first what a "Miranda" is and How its part of a Transgendered Persons life [ at least M2F]. Miranda Hart is a UK Comedienne [ a GG] quite commonly on Television, See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miranda_Hart Main facet of Mirandas comedy is based on her Physical Image, See You Tube Medley to get the idea http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTf17cmPl0I .  -There it is , delivery Man comes in to Mirandas Pet shop, asks for a signature , Miranda Scribbles , delivery Man says "Thank you Sir" and casually carries on with his job. Miranda just looks to Camera No words ... The expression says " Yes I  get this and not for the first time , not a lot I can do about it, seeing as you have already made up your mind. ". I love this because it is Humour as an education by means of self reflection, not as a harmful  sneer at someone else.   [theres a quote not sure where- If you can laugh at youself you will always be amused].    So you are  trying your best , refining the changes and look. Your Voice is not Great though. --Yes thats me, but I am happy with things. - My first Miranda was getting a Rail Ticket. I asked the Lady at the Ticket Kiosk for an all day Ticket with London Underground pass and paid for it by Card. Possible reason was I handed over the Card [ name not changed] , or Probably Voice. it was early morning.Incidentally I thought I was being wise by buying the Underground ticket  at the start of the journey, as on a Previous Outing London I got a Miranda from the Waterloo Station Ticket office . I thought Image wise I looked alright, clothes selection and Hair are good , and I just tend to be very relaxed, helps the movement.   Before the second Miranda , I walked up and down Oxford Street before 9.30, Shops where not open yet[ it is London afterall]. The early Breakfast cups of Tea had taken their effect, leading me to seek out an early Opening Coffee shop. I prefer Costa Coffee , but settled for Starbucks at the point of Mild desperation. Thats nice , discreet 2 Floor lay out and  Unisex Toilets. , through the Door, ladies  is seperate okay, oh dear a queue..This early!!. At this point in time I am okay ,but did not want to wait in the queue . I guess there is a side to me that says be discreet you just want to fit in and be unnoticed, even if there is a remote chance I dont want anyone to be upset If I am queuing in the ladies. Plan B theres another Starbucks other side of the road, . Had a small Mocha, and Fruit Salad.  Iam sure "Skinny Latte" sounds more feminine than Mocha  , but I like the chocolate and dont understand why any Milk should be skimmed and made skinny in the first case. I am revived after the Mocha and Fruit salad. My tip for weight is eat lots of fruit . It has been proven that the Fruit Bat is the greediest Animal in the Zoo in terms of consumption over Body weight, and it can still fly. There are some thoughts i put down on the IPAd in preperation for the Appointment , remind myself of some questions to be asked, go through what has been changing and my circumstances. I tend to be more balanced and Focused about everything now..long may this continue ..but there is life and the things we cannot control   - Second Miranda- By this  time the shops have opened so I take advantage of the large Selection, still Sales Items available. I am very Selective nowadays , and the mones are having the effect that I am more discriminating . the fabrics have got to be soft and make me go mmh thats nice. Time to try somethings on.... I cannot go over board as it is the age of Austerity and I am as affected by the economic situation as most people. Ah Just got time before the appointment .. I try on the Garments in the Ladies Fitting room after being presented with the plastic security key thingy by the Lady attendent. I am slowly getting used to the Multi mirror s front back and side . Unfortunately there an angle that   draws attention to my Thick neck, which has not yet been masked over by my hair growing long. Still its getting better , and not as bad as it once was.  The Jumper with roll neck is very good and has a long body length , extends  passed the bum and billows out a bit there .will go weel with a High Waist Belt[ my prefferedDress fix] breaks the Naturally Straight Body line allows curves to be suggested by the Dress Drape [ I think anyway]. Other throw over long cardy is good also , very Soft and light Purple [colour i like] and the big plus of pockets . I am always on the look out for convenient dresses with pockets , but Choice looks limited. Meanwhile I listen to the 2 Lady Attendents  Chatting ,The young One says something about an instance when she got upset with her  Dad and said  "Listen you dont know what its like to be a Teenage Girl with all these Hormones".  Pleased with Myself as the price was good I go to the older Lady Attendent "How where they ", "Very Good, I think I will take these" I said , I handed over the Plastic Security thingy.."Thank You Sir" She said  0-2 I quickly Paid for the Wooly Jumpers , with card, and Rushed  to the appointment It was my Third Appointment , but they must have changed something on the entrance As I could not locate it I embarrasingly rang them to ask which number . All went well at the appointment .   Afterwards I was reflecting on my reaction to the Miranda instances, and trying to make sure  I have smiley contented type face . This is actually How I feel nowadays , but I am conscious that through the years I default to a scowl which is not friendly , and does not really help me [ ot anyone else for that Matter]. I walk  pass by this small petit Lady Hair swept Back well defined Smiley Cheeks , dressed casually and stylish and warm [ there is still a bit of morning chill]. Afterwards I think Could that Have been Kylie. Well those sort of things dont matter. [ In a past incident  Jose Mourinho bashed my Computer bag whilst rusing to get to the lift in a Hotel in Korea whilst I was on a business trip [ in the boom time]. I did not notice it was him , as he is considerably smaller than my perception   well outside my Radar Screen. ] We are all People , however famous ,however different .   After Appointment . I had a nice Quiet Contemplative Lunch of Tea and a small Sandwich. Eating it slowly Whilst lloking at the Aerial display of Formation Pidgeons  from the window on a high floor in the dept store Coffee shop . I felt relaxed. I went back to the department store to get some girly Running Togs. I like to keep Fit and cross country Running,jogging what ever you like to call it has always been something I do and find comfort it, especially early in the morning when its quiet and still. I found a few pairs that will do me Amazingly I do not get an additional Miranda in the process,    I meander my Way to the bottom floor and go past the Cosmetic dept , lovely Scents. I think I have not really got a good grasp of Make up , too many other things to sort out and occupying my mind . But today is an opportunity. London is not bad in this respect , there is a certain anonymity you can have , afterall There are lots of tall Girls , Lots of varied people Many of the people in London have the attitude " I will only see you once " . I am not trying to draw attention to myself . The mones are certianly making me feel more relaxed. I ask on e of the attendents at he cosmetic counter what is the recommendation for Fair skinned People like me with Auburn hair , and light Eye brows . Sensing a a Sale .. I was made to feel comfortable and seated [ in the middle of a Busy London department Store] and advised wwith a makeover . My eyes where done also , I wish I could do Eyeliner.. Wow thats  good I never thought My face and eyes could look this good . Lesson there is no shame in concealer] It was time to make my way back to the train station to return home . I got off the underground at Embarkment, remembering there was a Costa Coffee shop there. I had a small Mocha , and Blueberry Muffin and was called Madam. [1-2]. I sat close to a Eurpean couple [French and Italian] of my Age talking, The lady was talking about  her Eyesight ,after 40 ,50 and glasses to her partner. She looked at me as I was just putting my glasses back on after cleaning them  ,I smiled , she smiled back.Sometimes theres a reminder We share more in common than our differences. [ The Miranda scores mean nothing  stop counting] I  decided to walk over Jubilee Bridge to Waterloo Station. it winter time now and the suns getting lower. Its been a nice day and the sky has cleared enough to now be warm. I stop halfway across the bridge, look at the water , and shut my eyes toward the sun. Its just Nice to take some time away for yourself occasionally. My mind often adds a sountrack to events , it started to play Waterloo Sunset . This made me feel good . I remember liking english Writing creative essays at school , there was big poster in the class room of Terence Stamp and Juliet Christie."Far from the Madding Crowd". Happy Times... I ambled along to the train station and went home .. A day well spent . time to simply capture it

This was my first try at attaching my forms on with glue.  Well first I had to shave my chest real close. I only nicked my nipple a little, but it took a long time to stop the blood.  Next apply glue to forms & wait untill it gets tacky. That stuff sticks to everything & pulls away looking like spider webs. After cleaning up the mess & washing glue off hands & arms it's time to stick them on.  They don't want to stay in place, so now what? I know I'll use my bra to hold them on untill they set. I set them in the box, glue side up. Bet you thought I was going to glue them to my dresser didn't you? Well I'm not that stupid!! I get a nice bra out, do up the hooks, turn it right side around & slip my arms through the straps. But something feels wrong. Can you guess what that might be? Yes! I just glued my bra to my chest. Once the glue starts to set it works pretty good. I realy had to pull to get my bra off. Now my arms are all sticky again & my chest is a bit raw. So it's back to the sink to wash up again. I get a clean bra out & put it on. I carefully place forms into cups knowing I have to get them in the right place on the first try. I don't realy like the way it feels but I'll give it time. Starts to tingle a bit. Starts ti itch a little. Shit it burns!!!!  Crap they won't come off. Not wanting to remove my real nipples with the fake ones I use hot soapy water to get them off. Then wash & loation my chest to sooth the burning.  My nipples are so raw that evan a very lite top is irritating. Glad I have the weekend off. That might be hard to explane at work.

                                                           Briana's Music Room   Hi, and welcome to my music room.  First I would like to thank one of my sisters, Chrissy Charland for making this possible.  Hugs girl.  I got my first guitar in Mexico when I was around six, I played with my moms before that.  I didn't get serious about playing until I was a teenager and played with my best friend who was killed in an accident when we were twenty.  I am self taught, the only music training I have had was playing sax in grade school band.  My teacher talked me into playing baritone sax and he liked to have the band play current popular music like Santana.  I was always given bass guitar parts to play on my baritone sax, maybe that's where I got interested in the bass.  I used to say if it has strings, I can play it.  Then one day I got my hands on a violin.  I am here to tell you that the violin is the devils work and anyone that can play one has sold his or her soul to make that sweet sound.  I have a lot of influences but with the bass, there is really only one, Geddy Lee.  My plan is to post one song a week until I run out of finished material, after that, who knows.  And now, let's get to the music.  Hope you enjoy, and thanks for visiting my music room. 6/1/11                                                        "Lee"   This song was done about a year ago.  It is the first blues piece I have ever done.  I wrote it for my sweetie and it is named for her.  It had to be the first piece that I posted here.  Love You.  There are two versions of this song, this is the first version.  There are mistakes in all of my pieces but I am very happy with the way this came out.  I guess it's all about what you can live with. Instruments - three Guitar - one track, BC Rich "Warlock" Bass - one track, Ibenez fretless Drums - micro BR electronic drum machine                                                    click here                                          Lee (clean version).wav       6/7/11                                 Live in concert                                                                     "Ridicule"   I have a friend at work that is learning to play the guitar.  I help him with things and have gone to his place to give him lessons.  Whenever I am recording a new piece, I bring my recorder in to work and let him listen to it during each step of the recording.  He gets to hear the piece in layers until it is finally finished with all the instruments.  Sometimes I will tell him, "I'm not happy with this part, or that part.  I'm going to rerecord this or that."  He always tells me, "You're crazy, I don't hear anything wrong with that.  You should put a band together and I have the perfect name,  RIDICULE, cause you always pick apart everything you do."  Like i said in the notes for "Lee", there are mistakes in all of my pieces, but they have to be acceptable to me before I will call a piece done.  I have a standard for the level of quality, only once have I lowered my standard on a piece.  Which brings us to Song # 2                                                "The Spirit of the Great White North"  The names from my songs come from a lot of different places.  I am a big fan of progressive rock.  Styx, Kansas, and of course, Rush.  I wanted to do something in that style, the style of Rush.  Heavy bass, guitar arpeggios, hard crunchy guitar, and some keyboards.  Rush is from Canada so, The Spirit of the Great White North.  The production side of this one was, well I could say difficult but then I would be lying.  It was insane and I'm suprised that I finished it.  Because of that, my tolerence level for imperfections dropped considerably.   Don't get me wrong, it came out pretty good, but there are more improfections in this one than any other piece I have done.  "Live in concert, RIDICULE." Instruments - five Guitar - Two tracts in the intro, one through the rest of the song.  All done with a fender electric acoustic run through various effects boxes.  ( I didn't have my Warlock yet) Bass - Ibenez fretless Keyboards - Roland SH09 and RS09 synthesizers Drums - micro br electronic drum machine                                                           click here                                        Spirit Of The Great White North.wav       Song Three     6/14/11                                                        "Monsoon Rain"  I live in the desert, we get about half of our anual rain in a one month period from mid July, to mid August.  The storm pattern is called monsoon.  One August afternoon I was sitting on a rock at a popular mountain overlook, picking on my acoustic.  Almost every August afternoon our skies turn black and a storm rolls in.  Sometimes it rains, sometimes it doesn't.  Sometimes it rains on the house across the street and you don't get a drop.  But we love the rain here.  In the desert, water is life, and the desert explodes with the color of wild flowers.  Anyway, I was sitting on my rock, working on something new, and this storm was rolling in,  It was an incredible experience, seeing the downpoors drifting across the desert floor.  Smelling the wet creosote, which smells so good.  This is the song that came to be that afternoon.  It is a guitar oriented song that is comparable to, maybe the early Ginn Blossoms.  Hope you enjoy. Instruments - five Guitar - there are three playing continuously through the song, all were done with my Fender electric acoustic Bass - as always, Ibanez fretless Drums - Micro BR elctronic drum machine                                                           Cick here                                                  Monsoon Rain.wav         Song four     6/23/11                                                           Marvin Martian's March   This song is one of my older pieces.  I did it when I was in my mid twenties, and I recorded it the first time using multiple cassette tape recorders.  That version had bass, keyboards, and a drum machine.  I recorded it again about four years ago with my digital four track.  In fact it was the first song I recorded when I bought my recorder.   The bass line is the same as the original version.  It is a bass piece but it is very different than any of my other bass pieces.  The entire song is slap, hammers, and pulls.  There isn't a single plucked note in the entire piece.  The background music was changed a little.  The main backing is now rhythm guitar and ther is very faint keyboards in the background to give it a little more depth.  I am very happy with the way it came out except for one thing.  I hadn't found the sound I wanted to get out of my bass through the recorder until my third song I recorded.  I wish it sounded a little more "tinney" and had a little more punch to it.  It was a hard song to name.  It has a serious sound to it, yet a silly sound to it.  When I listen to it I can sort of picture that old Warner Brothers cartoon charater Marvin Martian.  He tried to be so serious yet was kind of goofy.  Anyway, that's where the name came from, if you don't know Marvin, I'm sure you could google him. Instruments - four Bass - one track, as always, Ibenez fretless Guitar - one track, fender electric acoustic Keyboards - Roland RS 09 synth Drums - micro br electronic drum machine                                                           Click Here                                                  Marvin Martian's March.wav        Song five   6/29/11                                                                     The Axe Handler Well, I would say that this next song is the last of the new styles for my music, at least at this point.  Don't get me wrong, there is more music coming, and I am playing again so there is even more new stuff coming.  I think I have six more finished after this one, and I am working on two more new ones.  I don't have as much time to devote to playing as I would like, I am also working on a garden which I hope to share through pictures when it is done.  Anyway, back to the music.  The Axe Handler is my atempt at 80s big hair rock.  The kind of music that the last band I was in played.  The kind of music I grew up on.  Most of the bass players of that era were what I would call sell outs.  Stand in the back by the drums and hammer 1/8 notes all night, for the most part, the same 1/8 note.  Sometimes only three or four notes in the whole song, that's just wrong.  I always tried to put a little more into the songs we did with the bass. I tried to do a little with this one but this is a guitar oriented song.  I had a hard time with the name on this one.  I tried to come up with something to reflect the attitude of the time and era, I know it's lame but it's the best I could come up with. Instruments - four Guitar - two tracks, both were done with my B.C. Rich  Warlock Bass - Duh !!  Ibanez Fretless Drums - micro br electronic drum machine                                                         Click here                                                 The Axe Handler.wav         Song six     7/4/11                                                Crusty's Demize Crusty's Demize was actually the first song I did for Lee.  I know that already sounds bad so let me back up a bit.  She really likes the song, I think it came out pretty good too, but it is a bit dark.  She likes all of my music, but likes it most when I am just picking arpeggios on the acoustic.  Ok, that's where I should start this one.  Lets make it different, unusual........... I know, how about an odd time signature, I went with 3/4.  I'm not sure what posessed  me to put a minor chord in there but there it is.  When I'm working on something new, I spend some time laying out the main track/instrument.  The rest of them are semi improvised.  I am not someone that can just jump into something new and improvise a part.  When I do make something new though, I play the first track and it ........ inspires the other tracks.  Ok, lets do the math. Odd time signature  +  minor chord  +  guitar riffs that end in decending pitch  = dark sounding piece.  Not exactly something you write for someone you love.  The name, at this point what else could I do.  The lead guitar is highly compressed and almost sounds like some kind of evil circus music to me, and the most famous clown I know is Crusty from the Simpsons so ...... Crusty's Demize.  This is the slowest piece I have ever done, it's not my favorite but I like it.  It's definitely an example of what happens when you put to much thought into art.  Hope you enjoy. Instruments - four Guitars - Two tracks, melody - fender electric acoustic, Lead B.C. Rich  Warlock Bass - Ibanez fretless Drums - On this one I used my Boss DR 220 electronic drum machine.  The whole thing was programmed beat by beat so the drums match the acoustic guiter.                                                               Cick here                                                       Crusty's Demize.wav       7/8/11     Song seven                                                                                  Lead Rain   So where do you go the week after posting the slowest song you have done, to the land of whiplash of course.  Full speed ahead, or as Danusha would probably say, warp factor nine.  My guitar songs come from me trying different things, just looking for things that sound good to me.  Most of my bass pieces start off as an excercise to improve on one thing or another.  This song is the most true example of that out of all of my material.  The excercise, improving right hand finger speed.  Can I get to a point where I can rattle off an entire measure of 1/16 notes on my bass.  A lot of people would say on a bass, why would you want to ?  And of course my answer would be, cause Geddy does it, and then some.  I think I would have to say I think I nailed it on this one.  This is the Lamborghini of my bass pieces, if it doesn't make it go fast, we don't need it.  The verse.......... not much to it.  The chorus.............not much there either.  But the bridge that connects them together,  5 measures of continuous 1/16 notes.  That's EIGHTY consecutive 1/16 notes................. in about 9 seconds................on a bass. This is my biggest acomplishment as far as my bass pieces go.  There are no key boards in this song, some people think there are.  There is guitar run through a flanger behind the bass. The name, well it sounds like it's raining lead. Instruments - four Bass - Ibanez fretless Guitars - two tracks, both done with my fender electric acoustic run through various effects.  (I didn't have my Warlock yet) Drums - Micro br electronic drum machine.                                                                   Click here                                                         Lead Rain.wav         7/15/11       Song eight                                                      Lee - Distortion Version   Not much to write on this one that I haven't already written.  It is the same song as the first on the blog with two changes.  I used hard rock drums and very heavy distortion on the guitar.                                                                                                                  Instruments - three Guitar - B.C. Rich Warlock Bass - Ibanez fretless Drums - Micro br electronic drum machine                                                        Click here                                                     Lee (distortion).wav           7/21/11     Song nine                                                     To much caffeine This is another old song of mine.  I did it in my twenties, around the same time as Marvin Martians March.  The difference is "Marvin" was recorded back then using cassette decks, then changed slightly and recorded again on my digital equipment.  This song was recorded for the first time on my digital equipment twenty something years after it was conceived.  The only regret I have with the recording is that it was the second song I recorded with this equipment, and like "Marvin", I hadn't got the sound down on the bass yet.  I wish it was more tinney and had more punch to it.  On this type of song it gets a little muddy on the low end.  The name............................... yeah, I don't think there will be much need for explanation after you hear it.  It's a boat load of....... ......... "almost" unfocused energy.  Like drinking a keg of red bull and picking up your bass.  Put on your seat belt, hope you enjoy.  Instruments - four Bass - Ibanez fretless Guitar - two tracks, both done with my fender electric acoustic, (I didn't have the Warlock yet) Drums - micro br electronic drum machine                                                                                                           Click Here                                                      To Much Caffeine.wav    7/29/11     song ten                                                                                                        Boom 101 This is the first guitar bassed song that I recorded.  It is built around arpeggios played on the acoustic.  I have always played guitars but always considered myself first, a bassist.  When I did this song I knew that the bass had to "back" the guitar, not overtake it.  At the time, this was a first for me and though it probably sounds strange, felt almost .........uncomfortable, after all, I'm a bassist, not a guitarist.  If you have been following the blog you can see that I have obviously gotten past this, but at the time, it just seemed wrong because............................I'M A BASSIST.  I had no clue what to name this song and was still dealing with the fact that................I'M A BASSIST.  I was going to school when I did this song, and in college, almost every "beginning" course in a subject is numbered "101".  At the time I considered the bass in this piece to be very lame, or simple.  So, Boom = bass, 101 = lame or simple.  Probably pretty lame way to come up with a name but like I said way back, they are instrumentals so the names come from a feeling or thought about the piece in most cases.  If you have been following the blog, this one would be in the same class as "Monsoon Rain".  Hope you enjoy. Instuments - three Guitar - two tracks, both done with Fender acoustic Bass - Ibanez fretless Drums - micro br electronic drum machines                                                         Click here                                                      Boom 101.wav    Song eleven   8/25/11                                                 Drive it like you stole it   Well, this is the last finished song to post.  Most of you that follow the blog have already heard it as it is the first song that made it to GS thanks to Chrissy posting it in the musicians cafe after I had emailed it to her, but you might want to give it another spin and you probably haven't heard the story behind it.  This was another hard one to name.  Then one day, it just hit me.  "Drive it like you stole it", a phrase that means push it as hard as you can.  I can't take complete credit for writing this, well, it's about 99% me, 1% ..............stolen.  The chord progression is not mine, but if you heard the song it came from you could say nothing but WTF.   I am a fan of Stained, I love their lyrics and I love the way they use the music to set the mood of the song.  The original song that the progression came from is by Stained, and it's called "Outside".  If you haven't heard it google it and listen to it.  It's just an acoustic guitar and it's played at about 60 beats per minute where mine is played at 150 beats per minute if I remember correctly.  So, I stole it (sort of), and I'm pounding the sh*t out of it. So Drive it like you stole it. Instruments - Four   Guitar - Two tracks, both done with my Fender electric acoustic. (again, before the Warlock)   Bass - Ibanez fretless   Drums -Micro br electronic drum machine                                                 Click here                                     Drive It Like You Stole It.wav           Song that the Chord progression came from, "Outside" by Stained http://vodpod.com/watch/102409-stained-ft-fred-durst-outside   6/12/12         Live and unplugged.......sort of My hope is to post some........ video diary's. Clips with some music, and me talking about the piece a little.  If you visit this portion of the blog my hope is that you will be able to get to know me more as a person. Enjoy.           It's been a very long time since i have been here to post new things. This is another first here. It's just me, and my acoustic, and it's the closest thing to live that I could post. It's video of me playing one of my pieces.  No drums, no bass, just me, and one guitar.  It's also a first in that it gives my friends all over the world a chance to, sort of meet me, and in talking on the video this rush of feelings came over me as I realized I was no longer a picture and words on a screen, or the sound of my music. It's me, the real me.  I have an incredible friend here that lives in the UK.  We joined GS at about the same time, met, and have been emailing for over two years.  I call her "Chica". I live in a part of the US that is very heavily influenced by the Spanish culture. About a hundred and fifty years ago, I believe, where I live was part of Mexico.  My name is spelled and pronounced the Latina way, and Chica is a .........Spanish slur?........ that is used by the latina's, it's like saying girlfriend.  She is very special to me and knows more about my life than anyone at GS.  I was fighting crying when I talked about her and knew that her, and all of you would be meeting me for the first time, I wish I could meet all of you too.    The music isn't perfect, I lost it going into the first change, almost scrapped the whole thing and started over, but decided to step back and start again.  There are also some audio problems from a short that I couldn't hear because I am plugged directly into the computer and only hear the guitar itself while playing. But, I am happy, it's real, it's me, and I would like to dedicate this video to Chica. It's for you.   Changing times    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMhv5vpE-k8           7/8/12                                                   First cover                       "Save all your love" by Great White   Another first for my blog, My first cover.  This is a song by Great White.  They are the band that I learned about blues from. They are not a blues band, but a blues rock band.  Some of their stuff is flat out blues and some is rock.  I have always loved blues but never really understood how to play them. About three years ago I studied another one of their songs, a full on blues piece called "The House of Broken Love".  I learned to play it and actually recorded it.  It's how I learned blues and without it, I couldn't have written "Lee".  They are both done in the key of A.  I haven't done any blues in any other key so far.  LOL, guess I'm kind of lazy, that would require learning scales on different parts of the neck.  Anyway, this is about Save all Your Love.  Their music is from the 80s and this song has such pretty arpeggio's.  I love picking that kind of stuff on the acoustic.  I only ran through the intro, a verse, and a chorus and ended it.  Without vocals I didn't want to drag it out, and I totally screwed up and stopped the first time through.  It's a little rough on one change but that's life when it's live.  I hope you enjoy.                                                             http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Evoi_ItYPAA    7/23/12                                  Some Finger picking This is actually a remake of a video that I already posted and pulled down.  It is some slow finger picking and it came out well.  I am getting a little less nervous with each video and the sound problems have been worked out.  As an extra added bonus, lol, you get to meet Cujo, the man eating pomeranian.  He hates being touched and I picked him up.  He let me know by saying "Grrrrr", I think the rough translation is "put me down biatch", then he showed his award winning smile.  He's one of my babies, maybe I will get the other one in another video.  I hope to do a few more but not sure when I will have the time as summer is almost over and I won't have the freedom I have now.  We'll see.  I hope you like the video.               http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rqtewl_0SPE

Spoiler Alert don't read this if you haven't seen The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Psycho, or Silence of the Lambs. If so watch them because they are all awesome horror movies   Ok so this is a bit of a leap but stick with me here. When I was a teenager my three favorite movies ever where The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (the original of course), Psycho (again the original Vince Vaughn will never be Norman Bates, Anthony Perkins is awesome), and Silence of the Lambs in that order. Now if you will notice all of the antagonists in these films are transgender (sort of). Leatherface is the matriarch of the Sawyer (get it) family and even dresses like a house wife at one point, also he has the "pretty face" complete with wig and make up. They even made a movie were Leatherface went all out and wore a dress and heels (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation starring Matthew Mcounaghey (spelling) and Renee Zelweger) don't watch that one unless you like "so bad it's good" kind of movies because its incredibly dumb. Psycho has Anthony Perkins trying to become his mother which is not really trans but the element is there. And then Silence of the Lambs has Bufallo Bill doing that weird dance to Goodbye Horses and making a woman suit out of actual women, again there is a strong transgender undertone even if thats not really what it is.   Now some may say that these movies are insulting to trans culture and cast trans people in a negative/false way and thats a totally understandable arguement because they do. Yet for some reason I still love these movies. I'm a crossdresser and to this day I can never take offense to these films because in an odd sort of way they helped me through a very difficult time in my life and made me proud to be a transvestite (I promise I'm not a serial killer). The reason why is that kids always want to be the biggest, toughest, baddest person on the movie screen. Kids see movies like Rambo, Die Hard, and The Terminator and they want to be Sylvester Stalone, Bruce Willis, or Arnie. But where is the Trans action hero, well she doesn't exist. Most LGBT characters in media is either one of two things comedic relief or a victim in some way. From Stanford on "Sex and the City" to Brandon Teena in "Boys Don't Cry" the idea of comic relief or victimhood is prevalent in a number of mainstream media regarding LGBT characters with a big exception being horror films. Leatherface isn't funny and is most certainly not a victim, he's a badass with a chainsaw who peeled a woman's face off to make himself look "pretty" and virtually the same goes for Norman Bates, and Buffalo Bill. Granted the whole peel your face off bit is not an admirable characteristic and isn't heroic in anyway but in a horror film are we really rooting for the dumb wave of stock characters who are supposed to be the "victims" or do we want to see blood fly. It wouldn't be any fun if the teenagers simply filled up their van with gas and just drove off to their destination. In fact I would argue that the victims in a horror film are more akin to the henchmen that get mowed down by any action hero than characters we actually care for.   My point is that the characters of Leatherface, Norman Bates, and Buffalo Bill are important to trans culture because they are examples of intimidating, scary individuals who will not fall prey to being a victim or a side show character meant solely to be funny. Much like how Clint Eastwood is a scary, intimidating character in many of his movies. The fact that these characters are psychotic and evi is irrelevant when they are the only characters in LGBT history that have any sort of backbone and won't take any **** out off anybody. Thanks for reading. (again promise I'm not a serial killer)   Hugs!!!   Masi