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  • 01 Apr 2010
    Yay! A four day weekend coming up, and in my case, two of them as I have a long weekend next week as well. I feel like I really deserve it too as work has been very manic and my feet feel like they have hardly touched the ground. i'm looking forward to getting some nice gentle retail therapy in and catching up with some friends. Not to mention a few outstanding jobs that I keep putting off.............Whatever you are doing this Easter, make sure you have fun!Nikki
    1731 Posted by Nikki Hollm
  • Yay! A four day weekend coming up, and in my case, two of them as I have a long weekend next week as well. I feel like I really deserve it too as work has been very manic and my feet feel like they have hardly touched the ground. i'm looking forward to getting some nice gentle retail therapy in and catching up with some friends. Not to mention a few outstanding jobs that I keep putting off.............Whatever you are doing this Easter, make sure you have fun!Nikki
    Apr 01, 2010 1731
  • 01 Apr 2012
    Girls, I am happy to announce that I've managed to cross the threshold and have my first outting en femme. It was so glorious!   On the 31 of March, my bestie held a party to celebrate her birthday which occured earlier in the month. She invited me and several of her friends and held a costume party. And she was entirely okay, infact (even) defensive about people treating me well if I so chose, to dress femme in costume. So excitedly, I went online and began to browse costumes big enough to fit a girl like me.   The costume choice narrowed down between a "Twilight Fairy" and a "Pirate Wench." After talking with my bestie, we decided I looked best in the Pirate Wench outfit and I wore that. Pictures of me in both outfits are in my albums, though they are without makeup.   When the day came for the party, my bestie and I got everything together, then proceeded to get into our costumes. Once we were all put together, she helped me get made  up and made up herself (I looked great... or at least I felt great and I'll put a picture up in my albums of me with makeup on in the pirate outfit).   I was nervous about it, but I really had nothing to fear. All of her other friends were completely okay with me being dressed as I was. They even called me by female pronouns and used my female name. It was fantastic. They seemed to totally accept me as one of the girls the whole night! Being one of the girls felt so much better than the years I've endured as "one of the guys." So we talked, drank, and enjoyed eachother's company within the safety of my Bestie's house.   But later, we decided to go out. It was more along the lines to replace and supplement my Bestie's toy collection. So we went to a local sex shop *blushes* On the way there we continued to talk and enjoy eachother's company. The fact that I had XY chromosomes didn't change that they counted me among the girls and I felt totally confirmed as a girl with these wonderful ladies.   Even when we got there, one of the girls looped her arm in mine and we walked like girlfriends into the shop. There was a little goofing and having to go back to the car a couple times. Everyone in the store was very nice, no one said anything and I felt super comfortable. I was walking with pride and confidence through the store and even when we left. I felt like with my new girlfriends, I could take on the world.   Us girls clamoured back into the car and drove home, giggling and enjoying eachother's company. And when it was time to break up the party, we all parted with hugs and smiles.   I've said it before, and I'll probably say it to my dying days: My bestie is so wonderful and awesome. I'm not sure I could ask for a better one. I got to be femme for her party. Don't worry! The party was still all about her and we shared drinks and wished her happy birthday and ate cake, but I wanted to relay my experience to you all.   This is the first of many ventures. This was a tiny one, but one none the less. I can't wait to go out again with my girlfriends!   So much love and happiness I have to try to keep from crying... but I guess that's what us girls do when we get emotional... and I'm happy to have the salty pools spill over to run down my cheeks.   I love all my sisters here, thanks for encouragement and cheers. MWAH!
    1731 Posted by Tara Wallace
  • Girls, I am happy to announce that I've managed to cross the threshold and have my first outting en femme. It was so glorious!   On the 31 of March, my bestie held a party to celebrate her birthday which occured earlier in the month. She invited me and several of her friends and held a costume party. And she was entirely okay, infact (even) defensive about people treating me well if I so chose, to dress femme in costume. So excitedly, I went online and began to browse costumes big enough to fit a girl like me.   The costume choice narrowed down between a "Twilight Fairy" and a "Pirate Wench." After talking with my bestie, we decided I looked best in the Pirate Wench outfit and I wore that. Pictures of me in both outfits are in my albums, though they are without makeup.   When the day came for the party, my bestie and I got everything together, then proceeded to get into our costumes. Once we were all put together, she helped me get made  up and made up herself (I looked great... or at least I felt great and I'll put a picture up in my albums of me with makeup on in the pirate outfit).   I was nervous about it, but I really had nothing to fear. All of her other friends were completely okay with me being dressed as I was. They even called me by female pronouns and used my female name. It was fantastic. They seemed to totally accept me as one of the girls the whole night! Being one of the girls felt so much better than the years I've endured as "one of the guys." So we talked, drank, and enjoyed eachother's company within the safety of my Bestie's house.   But later, we decided to go out. It was more along the lines to replace and supplement my Bestie's toy collection. So we went to a local sex shop *blushes* On the way there we continued to talk and enjoy eachother's company. The fact that I had XY chromosomes didn't change that they counted me among the girls and I felt totally confirmed as a girl with these wonderful ladies.   Even when we got there, one of the girls looped her arm in mine and we walked like girlfriends into the shop. There was a little goofing and having to go back to the car a couple times. Everyone in the store was very nice, no one said anything and I felt super comfortable. I was walking with pride and confidence through the store and even when we left. I felt like with my new girlfriends, I could take on the world.   Us girls clamoured back into the car and drove home, giggling and enjoying eachother's company. And when it was time to break up the party, we all parted with hugs and smiles.   I've said it before, and I'll probably say it to my dying days: My bestie is so wonderful and awesome. I'm not sure I could ask for a better one. I got to be femme for her party. Don't worry! The party was still all about her and we shared drinks and wished her happy birthday and ate cake, but I wanted to relay my experience to you all.   This is the first of many ventures. This was a tiny one, but one none the less. I can't wait to go out again with my girlfriends!   So much love and happiness I have to try to keep from crying... but I guess that's what us girls do when we get emotional... and I'm happy to have the salty pools spill over to run down my cheeks.   I love all my sisters here, thanks for encouragement and cheers. MWAH!
    Apr 01, 2012 1731
  • 31 Oct 2009
      I have now been taking oestrogen for five years and one day, seemed like a bit of a milestone, so… It’s going, kind of how I expected I guess. My breasts have been feeling a bit tender again recently so maybe I’m just starting on another growth splurge. I think development stops and starts a bit, but overall it’s so slow that you hardly notice it. I’m happily filling an A cup now though (was double-A for about 3 and a half years) and even have a few B-cup bra’s that don’t look too silly. I still have a way to go I believe, before breast development will cease, and don’t fret about it, in fact I think my modest boobs are kind of cute, big enough to not be embarrassed about them in changing rooms, or on the nudist beach. Generally I still feel… great. That was the other big thing I noticed pretty quickly with oestrogen; that ennui, the male moodiness, a certain je ne sais quoi, has never reappeared. I know a lot of guys who I’m sure would be much happier, and much nicer people if they took a small dose of oestrogen! Anyway… I’m off on holiday again soon so me and Gillian went shopping yesterday to get kitted out, she needing more clothes than I do. I really must get selling stuff on ebay; I am running out of space. And I must stop going on shopping trips, but Gillian pleaded with me to come so how could I refuse. Of course I ended up buying more stuff than her… I am soooo bad. So after shopping we went out for dinner, and that’s my idea of a perfect girly day. Shop shop shop, eat, drink. What more could a girl want? Oh yeah, sex, it’s been a while, forgot about that. Maybe in Jamaica, just over 3 weeks to go, yayyy. I bought a red top! "Yeah… so..?" I have never bought anything red, I dunno know why, I’ve just never been sure about it. But we found this nice, casual knitted top, a bit see through, Gilly tried it on first, she’s a bit bigger than me, in all directions, and was well and truly pissed off when I tried it and it fitted me perfectly, and to my surprise, looked great. Found a red bra in the sale at TK Maxx which works great with it, the black bra underneath was a bit tarty, having a same colour bra just gives it a suggestion of seductiveness, rather than total tart. My mum’ll be horrified reading this, "See through top?!" but it’s not that bad mum, honest, it’s nice really, in a casual, but red, sort of way. Anyway it’s a first for me. It’s only taken me 16 years (since I really started buying clothes for myself) to buy something red. I think it goes well with my blonde hair, I could be converted (must do my roots though). Gilly is having a Halloween party tomorrow night. I have a bag of eyeballs for her. Not sure what I will wear yet. Probably my raggedy black dress with black shawl, and accessorise with my Christian Dior broomstick. Happy Halloween, guys and ghouls. xx
    1727 Posted by Lucy Diamond
  •   I have now been taking oestrogen for five years and one day, seemed like a bit of a milestone, so… It’s going, kind of how I expected I guess. My breasts have been feeling a bit tender again recently so maybe I’m just starting on another growth splurge. I think development stops and starts a bit, but overall it’s so slow that you hardly notice it. I’m happily filling an A cup now though (was double-A for about 3 and a half years) and even have a few B-cup bra’s that don’t look too silly. I still have a way to go I believe, before breast development will cease, and don’t fret about it, in fact I think my modest boobs are kind of cute, big enough to not be embarrassed about them in changing rooms, or on the nudist beach. Generally I still feel… great. That was the other big thing I noticed pretty quickly with oestrogen; that ennui, the male moodiness, a certain je ne sais quoi, has never reappeared. I know a lot of guys who I’m sure would be much happier, and much nicer people if they took a small dose of oestrogen! Anyway… I’m off on holiday again soon so me and Gillian went shopping yesterday to get kitted out, she needing more clothes than I do. I really must get selling stuff on ebay; I am running out of space. And I must stop going on shopping trips, but Gillian pleaded with me to come so how could I refuse. Of course I ended up buying more stuff than her… I am soooo bad. So after shopping we went out for dinner, and that’s my idea of a perfect girly day. Shop shop shop, eat, drink. What more could a girl want? Oh yeah, sex, it’s been a while, forgot about that. Maybe in Jamaica, just over 3 weeks to go, yayyy. I bought a red top! "Yeah… so..?" I have never bought anything red, I dunno know why, I’ve just never been sure about it. But we found this nice, casual knitted top, a bit see through, Gilly tried it on first, she’s a bit bigger than me, in all directions, and was well and truly pissed off when I tried it and it fitted me perfectly, and to my surprise, looked great. Found a red bra in the sale at TK Maxx which works great with it, the black bra underneath was a bit tarty, having a same colour bra just gives it a suggestion of seductiveness, rather than total tart. My mum’ll be horrified reading this, "See through top?!" but it’s not that bad mum, honest, it’s nice really, in a casual, but red, sort of way. Anyway it’s a first for me. It’s only taken me 16 years (since I really started buying clothes for myself) to buy something red. I think it goes well with my blonde hair, I could be converted (must do my roots though). Gilly is having a Halloween party tomorrow night. I have a bag of eyeballs for her. Not sure what I will wear yet. Probably my raggedy black dress with black shawl, and accessorise with my Christian Dior broomstick. Happy Halloween, guys and ghouls. xx
    Oct 31, 2009 1727
  • 10 Dec 2011
    As I write, there is a beautiful, bright, cold Canadian winter day beyond the window. I'm all set at my computer for some work but before I start, I just have to write and tell you – friends who might remember me, and others here – my good news. On January 11, I fully start a new life as Ann. That is the date of my SRS. I am sol fortunate that this is covered by the Canadian Health Service, otherwise, I would not be able to afford it. It has been a very long path and at moments especially dispiriting, at moments uncertain and at moments exhillerating and at many, many moments just plain ordinary.   I have been fortunate to be able to return to school to study for another degree. I am uncertain about returning to the business world so I am working toward a degree in Social Work. I have wonderful profs and equally wonderful classmates. For the most part they are very young and beautiful women – competent, ambitious and oh so smart. After a false start last year, I have done well this year and am very pleased. Certainly there are moments where being 58 I am simply out of step with my classmates most of whom are under 25. I could be a parent to any one of them.   Along with school I have a parttime job in research. I am a research assistant in a Transgender/Transsexual study in Ontario, Canada and also working on an international HIV study. Both are incredibly interesting. The research group is wonderful and they have totally accepted me.   I am often 'accused' of being courageous in this journey. I would characterize my journey as more the product of being too obstinate (or dumb) to stop.   My surgery takes place on January 11th in Montreal, Canada. As this final step approaches, I have many clarifying (and terrifying) moments. I've always been an 'keep all options open' kind of girl. With surgery, there are doors that are finally closed. Before I can close those doors, there is much to bring to a final resolution. It is a good thing. I can feel the emotions in me; my confidence, like random buds in a spring garden appears randomly and increasingly.   This part of my journey, though, will not be visible to my friends. Coming out and living full-time was the outwardly visible step. Living full-time was the step that let me claim my place in society, to find the fit and friends and fulfillment that I had been seeking all my life. The surgery, is my personal claim to me. I will be complete and fully committed to my new life. (I'll be able to go back to the beach, finally.)   The Gender Society and all of the wonderful people – past and present – was a safe-haven and truly wonderful place to express myself, know that I was not alone and not invisible. You understood my challenges, consoled and comforted and guided me through the rough and shared the joys and successes. For that I am enormously thankful. I've made friends around the world and although our connection has been tenuous in the last years, you are never far from my thoughts.   I've loved the chat. That is where my personality was able to blossom – even if my humour is corny. I hope that I've been an interesting and positive contribution to that.   Hmmm, this is sounding more and more like a goodbye letter. It is not. My intention is solely to share an introspective moment with old friends.   I am facing about a month's recovery. During that time, I hope to do a lot of reading. I'll probably appear in the chat, too. Come spring I'm going to buy a nice bathing suit (age appropriate, of course) and reclaim the beach, which I love. I'll go sunning and swimming. What an amazing spring this will be.   For all of you, where ever you are on your path to whatever destination, stay hopeful and positive. I won't call this a 'dream-come-true', it is a destination finally reached. My new horizon is still distant but it is in sight. The winds are now favourable. I set sail in uncertainty but I am arriving in confidene and expectancy. Ironically, this part of my journey – which means so much to me – beyond a beaming smile will be invisible to everyone around me. But you and I will know.
    1725 Posted by Ann Teve
  • As I write, there is a beautiful, bright, cold Canadian winter day beyond the window. I'm all set at my computer for some work but before I start, I just have to write and tell you – friends who might remember me, and others here – my good news. On January 11, I fully start a new life as Ann. That is the date of my SRS. I am sol fortunate that this is covered by the Canadian Health Service, otherwise, I would not be able to afford it. It has been a very long path and at moments especially dispiriting, at moments uncertain and at moments exhillerating and at many, many moments just plain ordinary.   I have been fortunate to be able to return to school to study for another degree. I am uncertain about returning to the business world so I am working toward a degree in Social Work. I have wonderful profs and equally wonderful classmates. For the most part they are very young and beautiful women – competent, ambitious and oh so smart. After a false start last year, I have done well this year and am very pleased. Certainly there are moments where being 58 I am simply out of step with my classmates most of whom are under 25. I could be a parent to any one of them.   Along with school I have a parttime job in research. I am a research assistant in a Transgender/Transsexual study in Ontario, Canada and also working on an international HIV study. Both are incredibly interesting. The research group is wonderful and they have totally accepted me.   I am often 'accused' of being courageous in this journey. I would characterize my journey as more the product of being too obstinate (or dumb) to stop.   My surgery takes place on January 11th in Montreal, Canada. As this final step approaches, I have many clarifying (and terrifying) moments. I've always been an 'keep all options open' kind of girl. With surgery, there are doors that are finally closed. Before I can close those doors, there is much to bring to a final resolution. It is a good thing. I can feel the emotions in me; my confidence, like random buds in a spring garden appears randomly and increasingly.   This part of my journey, though, will not be visible to my friends. Coming out and living full-time was the outwardly visible step. Living full-time was the step that let me claim my place in society, to find the fit and friends and fulfillment that I had been seeking all my life. The surgery, is my personal claim to me. I will be complete and fully committed to my new life. (I'll be able to go back to the beach, finally.)   The Gender Society and all of the wonderful people – past and present – was a safe-haven and truly wonderful place to express myself, know that I was not alone and not invisible. You understood my challenges, consoled and comforted and guided me through the rough and shared the joys and successes. For that I am enormously thankful. I've made friends around the world and although our connection has been tenuous in the last years, you are never far from my thoughts.   I've loved the chat. That is where my personality was able to blossom – even if my humour is corny. I hope that I've been an interesting and positive contribution to that.   Hmmm, this is sounding more and more like a goodbye letter. It is not. My intention is solely to share an introspective moment with old friends.   I am facing about a month's recovery. During that time, I hope to do a lot of reading. I'll probably appear in the chat, too. Come spring I'm going to buy a nice bathing suit (age appropriate, of course) and reclaim the beach, which I love. I'll go sunning and swimming. What an amazing spring this will be.   For all of you, where ever you are on your path to whatever destination, stay hopeful and positive. I won't call this a 'dream-come-true', it is a destination finally reached. My new horizon is still distant but it is in sight. The winds are now favourable. I set sail in uncertainty but I am arriving in confidene and expectancy. Ironically, this part of my journey – which means so much to me – beyond a beaming smile will be invisible to everyone around me. But you and I will know.
    Dec 10, 2011 1725
  • 13 Sep 2008
    Hello!Wow, it's ages since I last dressed. Well, it is in real life. I'm a woman in Second Life, and absolutely love it. In fact I do live entertainment in SL as a female (thanks to a fantastic voice morpher from Screaming Bee) and am accepted as a female and that is just so liberating. Thing is I really am needing to take this into real life (RL), and I did have a flurry of buying new stuff earlier this, thanks to e-Bay, so I'm ready. I moved about 18 months ago to a different part of the UK with work, and a friend I had from my earlier days of dressing when I was spoilt with being in Manchester, lives nearby so I do feel a stepping-out coming on LOL.What else can I say? I will tell you all about what I do. I totally love being a girl in SL. The thing about it is, there is no "feeling" of clothes, but it's about being a woman, interacting with people as a woman, and being accepted as a woman. So it stops being merely about what you are wearing and is now more about how people perceive you. That is the most important thing.I used to dress about 6 or 7 years ago, and I went out shopping en femme often (Trafford Centre was great for girls), I went into the Gay Village in Manchester (possibly the BEST place in the UK to be a tranny!). I got away with murder. I'm small, 5ft 3in, I have size 6 feet, I'm a size 12, or a size 10 when I'm feeling slim! I pass easily as a woman. True, that's a plain or even an ugly woman (I'm not attractive), but a woman nonethelsess. I think it's because a lot of the time I just blend into the background, so it's great for a tranny. Think about it, how often do you really look at the people you pass in the street, especially unattractive ones? It's a pain as a bloke though LOL. To be totally honest, and I know a lot of girls will be annoyed and green with envy, I find it easier to buy female clothes tha male clothes. I can't just go into a shop and buy a pair of guy's trousers, I have to look for the right length, and I'm right at the edge of the size range (30in waist, short legs). But I could walk into Dorothy Perkins and get anything off the peg in a 12 and it would more or less fit. The same thing is true for shoes. Size 6 shoes for guys are often too big, but I know I could go to Brantano or Dolcis and buy a pair of slingbacks and I know they'd fit. Blelieve me, I'm not bragging. It's a real problem for my drab wardrobe which is what I wear most of the time. Also I do notice my height as a problem sometimes as a man. If I had the choice I'd prefer to be just a little bit bigger. A 14 maybe, size 7 feet, and easier to by guy clothes. I have to say though I LOVE the idea I can't shop at some places that stock clothes at 14 plus LOLAnyway, I stopped dressing for no obvious reason, or probably more accurately, for lots of small reasons. I moved house from a main road falt to a semi in a cul-de-sac, so not so easy to sneak out when people know who lives at your house. I moved jobs, I lost interest. To be honest I got a wee bit disillusioned. There is a great quote from one of the Hitchhiker's Guide books which I'll paraphrase "If you're tired of being a tranny in Manchester, you're tired of just being a tranny!", and it was a bit like that. I suppose you get blase. And I got a bit disillusioned with the whole scene, and the fact that quite a few TVs dress purely as an excuse to go with men. I'm a staunch feminisit, and I resent the fact that some trannies have that opinion of women: sluts. They become women just so they can be a sexual object. Don't get me wrong, there is a frisson to dressing, it does turn me on sometimes, but it's so much more than that. I don't mean to be judgemental. consenting adults can do what consenting adults want to do, but it does alarm me that some trannies have such a low opinion of the half of the population they want to present themselves asAnyway, this ended FAR too seriously. Being a girl is all about fun. And my future posts will be funny. I promise ;)Hopefully I'll add more to this blog as time goes on.Take care everyone, Love,DebX
    1723 Posted by Debbie Maye
  • Hello!Wow, it's ages since I last dressed. Well, it is in real life. I'm a woman in Second Life, and absolutely love it. In fact I do live entertainment in SL as a female (thanks to a fantastic voice morpher from Screaming Bee) and am accepted as a female and that is just so liberating. Thing is I really am needing to take this into real life (RL), and I did have a flurry of buying new stuff earlier this, thanks to e-Bay, so I'm ready. I moved about 18 months ago to a different part of the UK with work, and a friend I had from my earlier days of dressing when I was spoilt with being in Manchester, lives nearby so I do feel a stepping-out coming on LOL.What else can I say? I will tell you all about what I do. I totally love being a girl in SL. The thing about it is, there is no "feeling" of clothes, but it's about being a woman, interacting with people as a woman, and being accepted as a woman. So it stops being merely about what you are wearing and is now more about how people perceive you. That is the most important thing.I used to dress about 6 or 7 years ago, and I went out shopping en femme often (Trafford Centre was great for girls), I went into the Gay Village in Manchester (possibly the BEST place in the UK to be a tranny!). I got away with murder. I'm small, 5ft 3in, I have size 6 feet, I'm a size 12, or a size 10 when I'm feeling slim! I pass easily as a woman. True, that's a plain or even an ugly woman (I'm not attractive), but a woman nonethelsess. I think it's because a lot of the time I just blend into the background, so it's great for a tranny. Think about it, how often do you really look at the people you pass in the street, especially unattractive ones? It's a pain as a bloke though LOL. To be totally honest, and I know a lot of girls will be annoyed and green with envy, I find it easier to buy female clothes tha male clothes. I can't just go into a shop and buy a pair of guy's trousers, I have to look for the right length, and I'm right at the edge of the size range (30in waist, short legs). But I could walk into Dorothy Perkins and get anything off the peg in a 12 and it would more or less fit. The same thing is true for shoes. Size 6 shoes for guys are often too big, but I know I could go to Brantano or Dolcis and buy a pair of slingbacks and I know they'd fit. Blelieve me, I'm not bragging. It's a real problem for my drab wardrobe which is what I wear most of the time. Also I do notice my height as a problem sometimes as a man. If I had the choice I'd prefer to be just a little bit bigger. A 14 maybe, size 7 feet, and easier to by guy clothes. I have to say though I LOVE the idea I can't shop at some places that stock clothes at 14 plus LOLAnyway, I stopped dressing for no obvious reason, or probably more accurately, for lots of small reasons. I moved house from a main road falt to a semi in a cul-de-sac, so not so easy to sneak out when people know who lives at your house. I moved jobs, I lost interest. To be honest I got a wee bit disillusioned. There is a great quote from one of the Hitchhiker's Guide books which I'll paraphrase "If you're tired of being a tranny in Manchester, you're tired of just being a tranny!", and it was a bit like that. I suppose you get blase. And I got a bit disillusioned with the whole scene, and the fact that quite a few TVs dress purely as an excuse to go with men. I'm a staunch feminisit, and I resent the fact that some trannies have that opinion of women: sluts. They become women just so they can be a sexual object. Don't get me wrong, there is a frisson to dressing, it does turn me on sometimes, but it's so much more than that. I don't mean to be judgemental. consenting adults can do what consenting adults want to do, but it does alarm me that some trannies have such a low opinion of the half of the population they want to present themselves asAnyway, this ended FAR too seriously. Being a girl is all about fun. And my future posts will be funny. I promise ;)Hopefully I'll add more to this blog as time goes on.Take care everyone, Love,DebX
    Sep 13, 2008 1723
  • 01 Dec 2009
    My other half is in the UK this week so it's going to be a long slow week for me. I really miss her in the evenings, I don't like rattling around the house on my own, it's much nicer to share the evening with someone special. *sigh*At least I will be busy both at work and at home so that keeps my mind off of things and will hopefully make the time pass a little quicker. Nikki
    1723 Posted by Nikki Hollm
  • My other half is in the UK this week so it's going to be a long slow week for me. I really miss her in the evenings, I don't like rattling around the house on my own, it's much nicer to share the evening with someone special. *sigh*At least I will be busy both at work and at home so that keeps my mind off of things and will hopefully make the time pass a little quicker. Nikki
    Dec 01, 2009 1723
  • 16 Nov 2008
    After dragging my heels for years, I finally saw my GP on friday evening. Expecting a difficult time explaining things, imagine my surprise to discover she is not only fully supportive but works closely with a local Gender Identity Clinic - which I never knew existed! Towards the end of my appointment, she phoned the Clinic, spoke to the Doctor there who said she could see me the next morning.So on Saturday morning I had a meeting at the Clinic. Where I discovered the Doctor is transexual, very knowledgeable and very competent. I could'nt ask for better care.And if that was'nt enough - and I've been buzzing all weekend! - I had a message on Facebook from a niece I have'nt seen in more than 8 years, she's 21 now. Amongst other things she said: "Uncle or auntie you are always a welcome member of OUR family anytime."I can't remember ever having such an amazing 24hrs!Much love.Rae xx[Still on cloud 9!!!]
    1715 Posted by Rae K
  • By Rae K
    After dragging my heels for years, I finally saw my GP on friday evening. Expecting a difficult time explaining things, imagine my surprise to discover she is not only fully supportive but works closely with a local Gender Identity Clinic - which I never knew existed! Towards the end of my appointment, she phoned the Clinic, spoke to the Doctor there who said she could see me the next morning.So on Saturday morning I had a meeting at the Clinic. Where I discovered the Doctor is transexual, very knowledgeable and very competent. I could'nt ask for better care.And if that was'nt enough - and I've been buzzing all weekend! - I had a message on Facebook from a niece I have'nt seen in more than 8 years, she's 21 now. Amongst other things she said: "Uncle or auntie you are always a welcome member of OUR family anytime."I can't remember ever having such an amazing 24hrs!Much love.Rae xx[Still on cloud 9!!!]
    Nov 16, 2008 1715
  • 14 Mar 2015
    Hi. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. During an intensive period of gender anxiety in September of last year I found the courage - or lost the battle, and contacted a Therapist with the intention to commence a conversation. Having never participated in therapy previously I couched my language with words like conversation instead of therapy, and resultantly the person I contacted felt she was unable to help me. That indeed, 'It might be dangerous for me'. So I looked up Harley Street clinicians who would provide pricely qualification and get me out of my shell, but then of course I didn't book. I know what I am. I don't think I need inflated rate qualifications to tell me the truth, but I do need guidance and listening patient ears, and probably a shoulder to cry upon. I need a moment to scream and release everything inside. I want to feel what it is like to let it out, to relinquish this f**cked up os-so British conservative reserve and experience a pulse, and in a heartbeat to feel an essential nourishment that is unequivocal, entirely necessary, absolutely natural. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. So I am lying awake and lying asleep. I am dreaming of reincarnation, and daydreaming of a facsimile, of how I will walk, talk and present and of the clothes that I will wear as I start again. I glance at fashion pages of web-sites of wonder, and stores that sell beauty or at least an illusion. I am growing my hair but do not dare and so also I am researching new wigs and wondering about the discretion of packaging. Purchasing hair-pieces for 'Fancy dress parties or invites to Hen-Nights' are lame previous excuses, so perhaps I'll just march in, stay upright and ask, 'Inverted Bob. Blonde. For a joke bloke'. Rubbish Bins are expensive I am now thinking.. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. What I need to do - as I scan the family diaries, is to arrange an opportunity to take the dressing up and away. To move from the nocturnal internal catwalk between bathroom and bedroom and open the door. I need to go out, to be with, to talk to and engage with. Any takers? Anybody happy to receive a dishevelled friendly person in drab, with time on their hands whilst she tinkers and nervously gets herself ready? Anybody happy to clutch a bag that has never been opened, and hold her steady as she  reels from the enormity of walking in heels further than a corridor whilst challenged by environmental challenges such as wind, steps and staring eyes? Anybody happy to turn a blind ear to quavering octaves of little rehearsed pronunication, of puppetry body language and comical impersonation. Anybody up for a night with a person that's spent 46 years being another person? I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. I've got dates lined up for the above, real ones. I know when I could do this, I'm even thinking of giving up alcohol, tuning my diet drinking more water in advance so that my skin is clearer. I'm looking at shoes (tricky the transition between boots and sandles) and I'm releasing that I've lost touch with whatever current fashion might currently be. I've got shortlists of who I would contact and even people here that I think might want to support my wandering that weekend. I actually (irrespective of what you have just read) think this will be fun, sweet, lovely and enlightening. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. There's a lot to do know. I need a plan, I need a list, I need support. I'm really, really sorry that I visit here often but invariably very fleetingly. I do not have the time with a hectic professional life for my family at present, let alone with my familiar self. If you see me pop up and then never contribute, I'm sorry. I'm not a voyeur watching you, the visits here are actually Gender Society watching over me. And I'm OK, thanks. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. I like writing. I like writing as Rachel and I wonder whether I have a book in me. My non-de-plume is of course my real name, but that's revealed in a chapter than nobody has read yet. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Time's up. Rachel x    
    1711 Posted by Rachel de Blanc
  • Hi. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. During an intensive period of gender anxiety in September of last year I found the courage - or lost the battle, and contacted a Therapist with the intention to commence a conversation. Having never participated in therapy previously I couched my language with words like conversation instead of therapy, and resultantly the person I contacted felt she was unable to help me. That indeed, 'It might be dangerous for me'. So I looked up Harley Street clinicians who would provide pricely qualification and get me out of my shell, but then of course I didn't book. I know what I am. I don't think I need inflated rate qualifications to tell me the truth, but I do need guidance and listening patient ears, and probably a shoulder to cry upon. I need a moment to scream and release everything inside. I want to feel what it is like to let it out, to relinquish this f**cked up os-so British conservative reserve and experience a pulse, and in a heartbeat to feel an essential nourishment that is unequivocal, entirely necessary, absolutely natural. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. So I am lying awake and lying asleep. I am dreaming of reincarnation, and daydreaming of a facsimile, of how I will walk, talk and present and of the clothes that I will wear as I start again. I glance at fashion pages of web-sites of wonder, and stores that sell beauty or at least an illusion. I am growing my hair but do not dare and so also I am researching new wigs and wondering about the discretion of packaging. Purchasing hair-pieces for 'Fancy dress parties or invites to Hen-Nights' are lame previous excuses, so perhaps I'll just march in, stay upright and ask, 'Inverted Bob. Blonde. For a joke bloke'. Rubbish Bins are expensive I am now thinking.. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. What I need to do - as I scan the family diaries, is to arrange an opportunity to take the dressing up and away. To move from the nocturnal internal catwalk between bathroom and bedroom and open the door. I need to go out, to be with, to talk to and engage with. Any takers? Anybody happy to receive a dishevelled friendly person in drab, with time on their hands whilst she tinkers and nervously gets herself ready? Anybody happy to clutch a bag that has never been opened, and hold her steady as she  reels from the enormity of walking in heels further than a corridor whilst challenged by environmental challenges such as wind, steps and staring eyes? Anybody happy to turn a blind ear to quavering octaves of little rehearsed pronunication, of puppetry body language and comical impersonation. Anybody up for a night with a person that's spent 46 years being another person? I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. I've got dates lined up for the above, real ones. I know when I could do this, I'm even thinking of giving up alcohol, tuning my diet drinking more water in advance so that my skin is clearer. I'm looking at shoes (tricky the transition between boots and sandles) and I'm releasing that I've lost touch with whatever current fashion might currently be. I've got shortlists of who I would contact and even people here that I think might want to support my wandering that weekend. I actually (irrespective of what you have just read) think this will be fun, sweet, lovely and enlightening. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. There's a lot to do know. I need a plan, I need a list, I need support. I'm really, really sorry that I visit here often but invariably very fleetingly. I do not have the time with a hectic professional life for my family at present, let alone with my familiar self. If you see me pop up and then never contribute, I'm sorry. I'm not a voyeur watching you, the visits here are actually Gender Society watching over me. And I'm OK, thanks. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. I like writing. I like writing as Rachel and I wonder whether I have a book in me. My non-de-plume is of course my real name, but that's revealed in a chapter than nobody has read yet. I'm post purge, pre-shop. Tick-tock, tick-tock. Time's up. Rachel x    
    Mar 14, 2015 1711
  • 25 Jan 2009
    I'm astonished that its been nearly two months since my last entry. I enter this new year -- 2009 -- as Ann. This will be my first full year. Few days pass that I don't think of something of interest to the group here and equally there isn't a day that I can't get to the library to post it. Here I am, though, ready with an update.The news of the moment is that I've actually had a job interview and for a real job. All of the time spent as a clerk becoming comfortable with my new self have paid off -- in psychic benefit if not money. The job is with the university in London (thats London, Ontario, Canada) in the Registrar's Office. The pay is great -- or at least a LOT more than I'm making at the moment. I applied not imagining that I would be selected for an interview and assumed the worst when I didn't hear back in the expected time. Seems that they had tried to contact me by email which I can't check often. They did call however and an interview was scheduled. Deciding on what to wear was a new experience for me. Luckily, I have a limited number of pieces and most if not all ended up scattered around my bedroom as I searched for an appropriate look. I settled on a blue pin-striped shirt and a calf length straight blue corduroy skirt with calf-length suede boots. I begged the girls at the cosmetic counter that I frequent to help with my makeup. They did a wonderful job. I can't overstate the confidence it gave me to know that I looked presentable -- I can't really say that I looked 'good', I am afterall 55 years old and 6 feet tall.I either presented REALLY well or the two interviewers -- on woman, one man -- took absolutely no notice. My confidence was on and I seemed to give a good interview. Whether I get the job or not, it was a watershed moment for me. I have taken an interview and felt that I handled it with confidence and poise. Maybe there actually is life afterall. I'll know in a week or too.The winter has been unbelievably cold but beautiful. The coldest days are usually the sunniest with no cloud to insulate the ground. The sun is bright, the sky a faded blue and the snow a white crystalline sheet draped softly over all the edges of the ground. It is very, very pretty. Sunglasses are a must. If the air is still it is not so bad, one's nostrils and throat tingle with the brittle air but the air is clear and sweet.The Ontario Government is again paying for SRS and I've had two friends who have received the go-ahead for surgery. This is very good news. I've been to a new psychiatrist -- two are needed to approve surgery -- and hope to receive a recommendation letter from both. It is always hard to review one's history with someone new. For me there is always lots of crying. "Tell me about yourself..." seems to be an emotional trigger. As I said in reply, it is always hard to repeat what one has repeated over and over to a new person. It is as if no progress is every being made.I guess for the immediate future, though, I can allow myself to feel that progress is being made. Even if this job doesn't come through, I will have made a step forward. I don't know how badly I might just feel but I'll cross that bridge when it comes.I have become friends with Joanne -- whom I introduced in the previous post. Joanne is the essence of self-assurance. I invited her to coffee at William's, my and it turns out her favourite coffee shop. Her first words, as she sat with her coffee was direct, "So, why did you call me?" I mean, how do you reply to that? I've been going to a support group in London. It started as a MtF group but has evolved into a FtM group. We are outnumbered about 3 to 1. They are young too, mostly university age. It would seem that 'being a lesbian' is a waypoint on their journey.I guess the sum of this rambling post is that I'm surviving and adjusting. It is remarable how unremarkable being a female is. On a number of occasions people have asked how I feel as I seem so 'comfortable' as Ann. Simply put, I couldn't imagine going back. For the first time in my life I am making friends. I have more friends now -- women friends -- at any other point in my life. I just seem to fit in. Numerous woman have introduced themselves where I shop. They stop and talk as if we are old friends. It feels very, very good.I've realized that my exposure to the public through my job as a clerk has helped my confidence immeasurably. Day after day and over and over within each day I am meeting and talking directly to strangers. It has become matter-of-fact whatever their reaction. If it has been a thousand or more, I have come to realize that I am unremarable to most -- virtually all. I have taken this confidence into the world. I am who I am. My struggles now move to making a place in the world for Ann as opposed to making Ann. 
    1704 Posted by Ann Teve
  • I'm astonished that its been nearly two months since my last entry. I enter this new year -- 2009 -- as Ann. This will be my first full year. Few days pass that I don't think of something of interest to the group here and equally there isn't a day that I can't get to the library to post it. Here I am, though, ready with an update.The news of the moment is that I've actually had a job interview and for a real job. All of the time spent as a clerk becoming comfortable with my new self have paid off -- in psychic benefit if not money. The job is with the university in London (thats London, Ontario, Canada) in the Registrar's Office. The pay is great -- or at least a LOT more than I'm making at the moment. I applied not imagining that I would be selected for an interview and assumed the worst when I didn't hear back in the expected time. Seems that they had tried to contact me by email which I can't check often. They did call however and an interview was scheduled. Deciding on what to wear was a new experience for me. Luckily, I have a limited number of pieces and most if not all ended up scattered around my bedroom as I searched for an appropriate look. I settled on a blue pin-striped shirt and a calf length straight blue corduroy skirt with calf-length suede boots. I begged the girls at the cosmetic counter that I frequent to help with my makeup. They did a wonderful job. I can't overstate the confidence it gave me to know that I looked presentable -- I can't really say that I looked 'good', I am afterall 55 years old and 6 feet tall.I either presented REALLY well or the two interviewers -- on woman, one man -- took absolutely no notice. My confidence was on and I seemed to give a good interview. Whether I get the job or not, it was a watershed moment for me. I have taken an interview and felt that I handled it with confidence and poise. Maybe there actually is life afterall. I'll know in a week or too.The winter has been unbelievably cold but beautiful. The coldest days are usually the sunniest with no cloud to insulate the ground. The sun is bright, the sky a faded blue and the snow a white crystalline sheet draped softly over all the edges of the ground. It is very, very pretty. Sunglasses are a must. If the air is still it is not so bad, one's nostrils and throat tingle with the brittle air but the air is clear and sweet.The Ontario Government is again paying for SRS and I've had two friends who have received the go-ahead for surgery. This is very good news. I've been to a new psychiatrist -- two are needed to approve surgery -- and hope to receive a recommendation letter from both. It is always hard to review one's history with someone new. For me there is always lots of crying. "Tell me about yourself..." seems to be an emotional trigger. As I said in reply, it is always hard to repeat what one has repeated over and over to a new person. It is as if no progress is every being made.I guess for the immediate future, though, I can allow myself to feel that progress is being made. Even if this job doesn't come through, I will have made a step forward. I don't know how badly I might just feel but I'll cross that bridge when it comes.I have become friends with Joanne -- whom I introduced in the previous post. Joanne is the essence of self-assurance. I invited her to coffee at William's, my and it turns out her favourite coffee shop. Her first words, as she sat with her coffee was direct, "So, why did you call me?" I mean, how do you reply to that? I've been going to a support group in London. It started as a MtF group but has evolved into a FtM group. We are outnumbered about 3 to 1. They are young too, mostly university age. It would seem that 'being a lesbian' is a waypoint on their journey.I guess the sum of this rambling post is that I'm surviving and adjusting. It is remarable how unremarkable being a female is. On a number of occasions people have asked how I feel as I seem so 'comfortable' as Ann. Simply put, I couldn't imagine going back. For the first time in my life I am making friends. I have more friends now -- women friends -- at any other point in my life. I just seem to fit in. Numerous woman have introduced themselves where I shop. They stop and talk as if we are old friends. It feels very, very good.I've realized that my exposure to the public through my job as a clerk has helped my confidence immeasurably. Day after day and over and over within each day I am meeting and talking directly to strangers. It has become matter-of-fact whatever their reaction. If it has been a thousand or more, I have come to realize that I am unremarable to most -- virtually all. I have taken this confidence into the world. I am who I am. My struggles now move to making a place in the world for Ann as opposed to making Ann. 
    Jan 25, 2009 1704
  • 04 Jan 2010
    It was a very nice break, in spite of the in-laws being around for far too long!! (I think we've earned our inheritance now, lol) The holidays were very relaxing and enjoyable and they didn't pass too quickly either which is nice. I couldn't get back to work today as the office suffered flood damage from a burst pipe so I'm having to work from home for the time being. It's also good to catch up here too. I haven't been on site for the holiday period so I'm sure I've missed loads. Sorry to all those who sent messages if it seems like I was really bad in replying. Everything is now back to normal though. So here is wishing you all the very best for 2010, the year is what you choose to make of it...........Nikki  x
    1684 Posted by Nikki Hollm
  • It was a very nice break, in spite of the in-laws being around for far too long!! (I think we've earned our inheritance now, lol) The holidays were very relaxing and enjoyable and they didn't pass too quickly either which is nice. I couldn't get back to work today as the office suffered flood damage from a burst pipe so I'm having to work from home for the time being. It's also good to catch up here too. I haven't been on site for the holiday period so I'm sure I've missed loads. Sorry to all those who sent messages if it seems like I was really bad in replying. Everything is now back to normal though. So here is wishing you all the very best for 2010, the year is what you choose to make of it...........Nikki  x
    Jan 04, 2010 1684