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    • June 27, 2015 12:06 PM BST
    • Hi everyone...my name is Marta and I just logged in to chat and meet new people.

    • April 29, 2015 8:46 AM BST
    • Hi Chrissy, Thanks for your comments , Due to health and other  matters in my life i am not on the site very much just now , but hope you enjoy it and find it helpfull .

       

      Rosie

    • April 29, 2015 8:46 AM BST
    • Hi Chrissy, Thanks for your comments , Due to health and other  matters in my life i am not on the site very much just now , but hope you enjoy it and find it helpfull .

       

      Rosie

    • April 28, 2015 9:53 PM BST
    • Thanks for the welcome Rosie.

       

      I'm Chrissy (Chris is my birth name) and I'm taking the first steps towards transitioning after many years of figuring things out. Right now I'm in the middle of going through my GP and getting the ball rolling, along with coming out to everyone who needs to know (still to figure out how and when to inform work but I'm about there in terms of how to come out to everyone else).

       

      As for here, I'm just figuring out my way around here. I'm quite shy and will take a while to get going here.

       

      Um, yeah, that's me for the moment. *hugs*

    • June 27, 2015 11:18 AM BST
    • Right on track I think, Sarah!  Hope it all works out for you.

    • June 27, 2015 2:26 AM BST
    • Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders!!! (smile)  Well done!

      All the best going forward...

      Traci xoxo

    • June 27, 2015 2:05 AM BST
    • Hi Traci

      Let me start again, doing this on a word document this time so won’t lose it this time Yay!

      That question was very nicely put. In answer I am trying not to have a fixed “end game” because I need to understand if my “need”  to live as woman is based in some scary childhood mess or has some treatable psychosis base to it, then fantastic let’s get on and find the right medication and sort the issue out. If however it is Gender Dysphoria then ignoring it will not fix it so I would have to do something. What that something is I don’t know but before I can make any decision on an “end Game” I need to work out what the actual game is first. 

      I am most likely in a much different position than most of the girls on this board because of my chronic illness I am unable to work The people who I am close to consist of my immediate family and then the rest of my family is in NZ. There are 10 Significant people in my life and so far I have come out to 3 of them and so far. I have one I have not heard back from and I suspect the email address is not quite right and the other two did not run screaming into the night. The idea that this could actually lead to me making significant changes in my life even if I never need to have surgery, scare the hell out of me among a number of other scary emotions. Financially I have money coming to me very soon which would be enough to transition including just about any surgery I wanted to have.  I guess there has to be some advantage to doing this later in life. : ) I no longer have a career to focus on and that part of my life is over. There are several other ways I can be productive other than to work which I am slowly exploring.  I have come out to 4 people so far because these people need to know that I am having therapyand  I can never hope to transition to anything if I can't be honest about it.

    • June 27, 2015 1:04 AM BST
    • Traci I have just spent the last hour writing a reply to you and it has just dissappeared..I will try again a bit later, Feeling very Frustrated

    • June 26, 2015 10:09 PM BST
    • Do have an "end game" in mind, not necessarily how far you plan on going, but rather that you have the means to live and have employment and a secure place to live in the event that the worst befalls you.  Frankly, not enough girls think this part through when they decide to go forward and it can get really tough as your circle of family, friends, and employers turn away from you.  Not saying this will happen, but when one suddenly announces to the world they are m2F, often the world does not grasp it well and things begin to crumble around that poor soul.  So be of sound mind, sound means, and have the courage and thick skin to tackle anything that comes your way.  But most importantly, remain resolute in the acceptance of yourself as you and always strive to be a productive person in society, not one who makes demands and whines...

      Best wishes always!

      Traci xoxo

    • June 26, 2015 6:37 AM BST
    • Update On Dr Appointment 

       

      Saw my local GP today and after a short period of time I told him I need to see a therapist but with a could of quite specifiecific qualifications

       

      Has to be a gender therapist and female...he raised his eyebrows slightly and smiled at me. He asked if I could explain a little just to give him a direction. I gave a very brief explanation and he said to me, if it was a perfect world and no one got hurt would you live as a woman. Without missing a heartbeat I replied yes then became very embarrassed. He explained to me he had a basic understanding but that he needed to find the appropriate therapist and would speak with his counseling crew. He has drawn up a care plan that I have to go through,  he has refereed me to and Endocrinologist regarding the Testosterone. He tried to get another script for me and he was told I need to have an Endo's name to go on the script before he is able organise it. Could be a long wait but after discussing it further with the Dr it would seem the testosterone is contra indicated with thyroxine. My levels were dropping and he thought I certainly needed another shot to maintain them. Oh well what can I do? I can't afford to spend a $100 to see the Endo at the moment and have asked the Dr to find out how long it'sikely to be before I get to see someone.

       

      I see him again next week and he will hopefully have made the referral to the therapist or at least maybe have the names of a couple.

       

      So is this where the Journey really begins? I told my Dr that I was very open about where this would lead but I want to "fix" this once and for all and whether that means I learn to be more comfortable in my own skin or go to the other end of the scale and transition partly or fully. I am not going to put limits on where this should/could go. I want to try and keep an open frame of mind.

    • June 24, 2015 3:29 PM BST
    • Cristine, Shye said:

      Sarah, you fail to mention wether your still married, with a partner.   I have known Traci Lee on this site from the begining of her transition, someone I admire, her sensativity, compromise and patience has lead to her being in a happy tolerable situation,  she took her time, being impetuous, confrontational does'nt realy pay of.   A short period of time sacrificed at the begining, thinking and planning, will lead to contentment and hapiness in the long term.

      Hi Cristine

       

      Yes I am still married and my partner was aware before we married 26 years ago. She is a wonderful person and I love her very very deeply and the thought that i could really put some hurt on her if I am not careful about this is very real. Desprite how careful I think I am being KM is very likely going to get hurt if I do anymore than leave the status quo. I may feel like this all needs to happen in 5 minute but the simple fact is it will take as long as it takes. Km has expressed on many occasions that she see nothing wrong with Crossdressing and told me the other day that she didn;t care if I dressed as long as she didn't have to look at it. That hurt a bit and leaves me in a diffcult position. While not wanting to hurt her I also don't really want to play secretsfor the rest of my life. I don't at this stage want toi leave her and she has expressed the same to me. I hope that ansers your question about my partner

       

      Sarah T

    • June 24, 2015 3:11 PM BST
    • Traci Lee O'Gara said:

      Sarah, I too was a late bloomer beginning my transition at the age of 59.  I will be 65 soon.  That said, when I began HRT, all of the anxiety and anger melted away and I found that "calm" within.  In time, I no longer felt a "need" to dress and just allowed myself to be me in whatever fashion I was wearing.  Due to electrolysis, I have to grow out my remaining stubble for a few days and this means wandering about in androgynous mode or even sometimes "boy" mode.  But it does not diminish my feelings of my femininity at all.  But my sense of well being is off the charts good!

      Learn to accept yourself just the way you are just go whever your journey takes you.  You will know what to do when it is time to do it...

      Best wishes always!

      Traci xoxo

      Thanks for the encouragement. I think I have a fair amount of work to do befoer I reach any kind of transition. However for me I understand the basics fairly well. If I do have gender Dsphoria and I am undable to identify another another reason for feeling like this then I guess we will cross that bridge when we come to it.

       

      Thankyou

       

      Sarah T

    • June 24, 2015 3:07 PM BST
    • Amanda Bruce said:

       

      I’m going to suggest that you would benefit from some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

      CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.  

       

      These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them.  We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.  

       

      If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,

      the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful.  The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.  CBT would help you to gain a clearer perspective on your situation, and if you can find a gender therapist with CBT skills, that would be great.

       

      Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.   

       

      Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates.  Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change. 

       

      Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.  

       

      Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:

      http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx

       

      If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:

      http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbtstep1.htm

       

      Also, there is a book called ”Feeling good - the new mood therapy” by Dr. David Burns. It has a hand book which gives you practical exercises to work through and further instructions on how to better use CBT. I really do recommend it.

      Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies By Rhena Branch, Rob Willson is also pretty good.

      If you can find a gender therapist with CBT skills, that would be perfect.

       

      Best wishes,

      Hi Ammanda

      THankyou for taking the time to respond in such detail. I hear what your saying and agree with you. I am actually located in Australia and having real difficulty getting information about Gender therapists. I have attended thereapy before and this was in regards the child abuse I received when I was 13 or 14 years old. I did a heap of work on this and can now talk about it with out the issues it used ot bring up. I am aware of the type of thinking you are talking about but think the best way to work through this is to find a therapist.  My concern is that I see some of the old distructive behaviours resurfacing and most astonishingly the desire to have a drink. I have been sober for over 16 years now and when I think back about how blunted my every emoption was during this period it scares me a bit. 

       

      I am fed up, I want some peace and for me the first stop will be therapy. Then we will see. That is the agreement I made with my partner and that is what I am going to do. 

       

      Thanks

       

      Sarah T

    • June 24, 2015 2:37 PM BST
    • Sarah, you fail to mention wether your still married, with a partner.   I have known Traci Lee on this site from the begining of her transition, someone I admire, her sensativity, compromise and patience has lead to her being in a happy tolerable situation,  she took her time, being impetuous, confrontational does'nt realy pay of.   A short period of time sacrificed at the begining, thinking and planning, will lead to contentment and hapiness in the long term.

    • June 24, 2015 9:41 AM BST
    •  

      I’m going to suggest that you would benefit from some Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

      CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also causes the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.  

       

      These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them.  We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.  

       

      If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,

      the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful.  The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.  CBT would help you to gain a clearer perspective on your situation, and if you can find a gender therapist with CBT skills, that would be great.

       

      Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.   

       

      Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates.  Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change. 

       

      Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.  

       

      Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:

      http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx

       

      If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:

      http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbtstep1.htm

       

      Also, there is a book called ”Feeling good - the new mood therapy” by Dr. David Burns. It has a hand book which gives you practical exercises to work through and further instructions on how to better use CBT. I really do recommend it.

      Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Workbook for Dummies By Rhena Branch, Rob Willson is also pretty good.

      If you can find a gender therapist with CBT skills, that would be perfect.

       

      Best wishes,

    • June 24, 2015 12:38 AM BST
    • Traci Lee O'Gara said:

      Sarah, I too was a late bloomer beginning my transition at the age of 59.  I will be 65 soon.  That said, when I began HRT, all of the anxiety and anger melted away and I found that "calm" within.  In time, I no longer felt a "need" to dress and just allowed myself to be me in whatever fashion I was wearing.  Due to electrolysis, I have to grow out my remaining stubble for a few days and this means wandering about in androgynous mode or even sometimes "boy" mode.  But it does not diminish my feelings of my femininity at all.  But my sense of well being is off the charts good!

      Learn to accept yourself just the way you are just go whever your journey takes you.  You will know what to do when it is time to do it...

      Best wishes always!

      Traci xoxo

      Hi Tracy

       

      It is great to hear positive feed back espcially since you can probably relate to where I am on the Journey. I agree I should learn to accept myself and I almost do but I have the niggling doubts in the back of my mind.These doubts are more about whether I am overstating my case atrying to live some fantasy, There are a couple of truthsd I cannot deny. Every day of my waking life for as long as I can remember I have had the thoughts or thought about changing my sex to fit how I feel or on some occasions having such total clarity and coviction that this is a crew up and I am not meant to  be a male. I should have been the girl in the family

      While spending time with my male counterparts I have learnt as I did from a very ealy age these are not the thoughtsd of a typical male. Maybe I should stop denying the truths in my life.

       

      Sarah T

    • June 24, 2015 12:19 AM BST
    • Cristine, Shye said:

      Hiya Sarah,

       

      Firstly welcome to the GS forums, I can't realy empathise with the difficulties of coming out later in life, but can imagine the difficulties, managing relationships one has formed with work collegues, families and friends.    my own circumstancres were very different, some people would say it takes a great deal of courage, its a basic need to be who you are.   The problem usually arises, in the not knowing at an early age, what is what, we just knew we were different, and knowing what we were doing made us feel comfortable, natural.

       

      Fathers in my experience tend to be the most difficult, they have certain ambitions and desires for sons to perform to maintain the status quo, staying within the confines of what is perceived to be social norms, the same tends to apply to male siblings.   Many of those ''norms'' make them worry how they are seen in society, by their own circle of friends and associates.    To a large extent this also applies to people who transition at an early age, but they do not have the life experience of how to handle rejection, abuse and discrimination, from the uneducated and stupid.

       

      Thinking of you,  Cristine xXx

       

      Thankyou for your kind words Cristine

      Your comments on fathers is interesting because I can see exactly what you are saying in my own Father and brothers. When raising my girls I have tried to instil in them a sense of self worth and not confining themselves to stereotypes. They are both over 21 now and are just great people who don't appear to have any real issues with people of any race or gender. I haven't come out to either one of my girls and I won't until I have established what my course of action needs to be.

      Sarah T

    • June 23, 2015 8:33 PM BST
    • Sarah, I too was a late bloomer beginning my transition at the age of 59.  I will be 65 soon.  That said, when I began HRT, all of the anxiety and anger melted away and I found that "calm" within.  In time, I no longer felt a "need" to dress and just allowed myself to be me in whatever fashion I was wearing.  Due to electrolysis, I have to grow out my remaining stubble for a few days and this means wandering about in androgynous mode or even sometimes "boy" mode.  But it does not diminish my feelings of my femininity at all.  But my sense of well being is off the charts good!

      Learn to accept yourself just the way you are just go whever your journey takes you.  You will know what to do when it is time to do it...

      Best wishes always!

      Traci xoxo

    • June 23, 2015 4:03 PM BST
    • Hiya Sarah,

       

      Firstly welcome to the GS forums, I can't realy empathise with the difficulties of coming out later in life, but can imagine the difficulties, managing relationships one has formed with work collegues, families and friends.    my own circumstancres were very different, some people would say it takes a great deal of courage, its a basic need to be who you are.   The problem usually arises, in the not knowing at an early age, what is what, we just knew we were different, and knowing what we were doing made us feel comfortable, natural.

       

      Fathers in my experience tend to be the most difficult, they have certain ambitions and desires for sons to perform to maintain the status quo, staying within the confines of what is perceived to be social norms, the same tends to apply to male siblings.   Many of those ''norms'' make them worry how they are seen in society, by their own circle of friends and associates.    To a large extent this also applies to people who transition at an early age, but they do not have the life experience of how to handle rejection, abuse and discrimination, from the uneducated and stupid.

       

      Thinking of you,  Cristine xXx

       

    • June 23, 2015 3:17 PM BST
    • Thankyou Emma I think I am going to need it. I just came out ot my best cisgendered girl friend who I have known for 35 years she is in QLD so had to do it  via e-mail so will see how that goes,

       

      Thanks again

    • June 23, 2015 1:55 PM BST
    • As another late bloomer, I send my prayers of strength to you. 

    • June 23, 2015 10:55 AM BST
    • Hi to all and thanks for reading.

       

      First up let me start and apologise for the length of this before I even begin.

       

      I am 51 year old male and am fairly sure I have had gender Dsyphoria since I was 5 years old. My life up until recently seems to have lurched from crisis to another. For me the main escape from my issues was via alcohol and spent from the age of about 14 to 36 pouring copius amounts of boooze down my throat so I could live a day to day life. About the age of 11 or 12 I was totally aware of the difference between me and my older brothers. We just seemed to think differently but I soon learnt what was Ok and what was not and they mostly stopped calling me a sissy by the time I was 14. To compund my developing Dysphoria I was sexually abused at this age which set of a course of self distructive events culminating in my near death in 2000. In 2000 I made a bid to bring Sarah out however met with a lot of suble but negative pressure. While agreeable my partner seems to have been hoping desperately that I would just forget the whole thing.

       

      Just recently we had a very intimate talk discussing a number of issue but my need to crossdress being one topic. Let me say I have cross dressed many times over the last 51 years. I came to the realisation about a week ago that I was returning to old dangerous patterns again. So I have spent time recently examining what this all means to me. I  get a great deal of satisfaction from dressing as but it feels a bit fake to me as I have to continually return to boy mode to go anywher or do anything. The only times I have really felt comfortable is when I have had plently of time and by that I mean a few days.

       

      I don't want to wear tight,short skirts and dresses with 7inch hooker pumps and a face full of stage makeup, its just not me. I feel my most comfortable in say a nice dress or pair of fitted slacks and blouse. A few bangs,goodstyle and colored hair,2inch heel pumps and don't forget the lippy. Thats me, I would like to just fit in and have the constant noise in my head stopped. By noise I mean those constants thoughts about feeling a bit odd or out of place.

       

      I have this odd feeling at the moment and have had it for the last week. Its like a calm, Ihave not made the decision to Transition as yet but it sits really well with me. I am despately trying to find a therapist to help me work out if I am on the right track...I do feel this could be the answer for me but like all the other girls who do this you want to be a sure as you can be.

      Thankyou

       

      Sarah S

    • June 17, 2015 2:44 AM BST
    • Eeek! Email is tellig me there is a comment to this post but I'm not seeing anything.  Will report this but please know I'm not ignoring you :)

    • June 16, 2015 1:40 AM BST
    • Hello everyone. I'm new here.  Old every where else but new here. *giggle* 

       

      I'm just beginning to explore and am hoping this becomes a place where I feel inclined to get involved. 

       

      I'm married to a very supportive hottie, have a very nice lifestyle and am totally content with my dual existence but I have no time for playing "trannier than thou", drama or insecurity disguised as a big ego.

       

      No cyber sex, thanks, but please feel free to say hi! Oh, and I love hanging around chatrooms.

    • May 30, 2015 5:37 PM BST
    • Hello all,

       

      I am new to The Gender Society but not new to our shared issues and unique experiences.  i am looking forward to learning and participating where i can.   Thank you to all of you who have sent a welcoming message.

       

      Cheers,

      Jean

    • May 7, 2015 5:32 PM BST
    • Hi All

       

      I didn't put much in my "About Me" section on my profile. I've probably got enough material to write my own book L) and as I contribute to the forums/blogs/community I hope you get a better feel for who I am but for the time being here's a little more flesh to sink your teeth into...

       

      I'm Deafblind (Profoundly Deaf and Legally Blind) which had a late start from the age of about 10 with a gradual deterioriation over the years so I have a fairly good grasp of English and speak fairly well (albeit now with a Deaf accent).  I now know Australian Sing Language (Auslan) but don't have enough vision to receive it properly so I use Deafblind Fingerspelling as my main communication method.

       

      I've been crossdressing since I was 11-12. I think at the time it emerged as I transitioned from a very sporty 10 year old (BMX, Tennis, swimming were my main ones) to someone who had insufficient depth perception to undertake these sports and therefore became a much more soft spoken and more in touch with my inner self type of person. It was an interesting change for me as I'd normally had a much better relationship with my Dad but as time progressed I became closer to my Mum (although we weren't ostracised from each other).

       

      We lived in very small towns in Australia so my capacity to dress was hidden as often everyone knew everyone else (population less than 100) but it was always there when I had the chance. Later in life and as my freedom grew so did Shirley. I still kept it fairly seperate as I've been an active member in the Deafblind Community and in a few positions of responsibility. Due to my disability and these days, the fact that I use a dog for mobility, I am also not one of those people that are easily forgotten in a crowd

       

      My general belief and understanding is that I see no reason why Males should be restricted to being masculine and vice versa. I dislike the early age onset of society distinguishing very drastically between what is the norm for the two gender roles and I often wonder what would happen if you isolated a group and reversed the socially taught role models (if you've ever watched a movie called "The Experiment" you might understand what i mean).

       

      Shirley is part :

      - Buck the system

      - A creative outlet

      - A break from the roles and responsibilities of my every day life where there are no responsibilities and I have an opportunity to be carefree.

      - A performer but not a mockery, more a study in the ability to replicate and reproduce the feminity and to cherish what feminity is all about.

       

      I have a zest for life and a desire to live and enjoy it. Flambouyant and Carefree are probably the two key personality traits that get expressed. Mix that in with a terrible flirt and a wicked sense of humour and you've got me a T(G). I don't and won't fit the regular moulds (much to my psych's dimary) because I'm proud to be who I am and don't feel a need to fit into someone else's box. I live for the now and not for tomorrow (though I keep it in mind and yes I've done plenty of soul searching) nor in the past. I'm 50/50 male/female and we'll leave it that, it's what I like and i enjoy the ability to express either way (though I'm not intersexed either).

       

      I'm not strong with the religious stuff either but if there's one thing I think you should beleive in more than anythig else, it's yourself. That is a very powerful faith to have and something I try to possess and keep hold of (along with my humour).

       

      Take care and I hope to get to know the rest of you to a much better extent as time goes by.

    • April 9, 2015 3:12 PM BST
    • Hi Ryan;

      What you describe is almost identical to what many of us go through. We realize early on that we're "different" and that we don't "fit the mold" the way our parents and society want us to. i tried many times to completely bury the girl in me and it would work sometimes...for a while. I joined the Army when i was 17. I did extreme sports, raced motorcycles, it was the 1960s so i tried every drug i could get my hands on.  Then I'd get up one morning and she'd be there in the mirror smiling at me and I knew I had accomplished absolutely nothing to change who i was in my heart of hearts. I went on like that for 65 years. Make no mistake, i don't have many regrets in my life. I was married for 40 years to a great lady who loved me unconditionally except when it came to my burning need to transition. She asked me not to transition while she was alive. She had been diagnosed with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis at the time. She made me promise that when she died that I would transition and spend whatever time i had left as the girl i was meant to be my entire life. So here I am at this point in my life becoming a little more Marissa everyday. You can do this, Ryan. We are here to help and support you in any way we can. How can we help you? Have you found the road map to the rest of your life yet? Sometimes it takes a while to find it. If found that when i finally decided to transition that I wanted to be Marissa RIGHT NOW, complete in every way. Well, i'm still a work in progress and I realize now that it is much better for me to take small steps toward Marissa every day. Hang in there and tell us what we can do to help you reach your goals. I wish you peace and love.

       

      xxoo

       

      marissa

    • April 8, 2015 8:59 AM BST
    • Hi Ryan.

      I had intended to say no more in this thread and leave it to others here. I just need to respond though to your response so as not to be rude.

      Firstly I do understand and as I always say we are all different. There are some members here from Canada and it would be nice to see them offer you some support and encouragement.

      If you are going to get through this which I am not doubting you will , those few seconds I picked up on are going to have to turn into hours and eventually full time. I have no doubt that you know what lays ahead . I have seen some others like you in my life and they have succeeded and a few have failed. Those that failed either got it wrong or had no determination to succeed. Some of those that made it took my advice and just let go. To let go you have to let go of your past. You having a young Son makes it that harder though because as you know he has to understand what is going on around him too. Children are and can be very understanding but adults are the ones that you will find harder to accept you. You need to stand your ground if they attempt to make life hard for you. One thing a woman has that most men only think they have is strength. Yes men can lift heavy things or smash a brick wall down when most women could not do that. A womans strengths are different they are in their minds and a mindset to survive daily life.

       

      As long as you know who you are inside and let that out with no fears then that woman will survive. Those old male strengths will turn into a different kind of strength. They will turn into a will to "not" knock down a real brick wall but the brick walls that you cannot see but , will need to knock down to get through this.

       

      I am one woman and a very strong one . The old me was a very weak albeit powerfull male shell. Now I am a very strong and powefull woman but she was always there from the day I was born. I hope that has been of help and given you something to aim for. Not to be like me but to be like you , to be yourself and watch some very amazing strengths develope from within.

       

      It really is over to others here now so take care and all the best x

       

      Edit: Spell error and 5 words added.

    • April 8, 2015 3:06 AM BST
    • thanks for watching the entire thing, as far as it goes i still as a male only because of my son and him not knowing yet, now we have counselling for him at school starting next week i think that i am going to sit him down soon and talk to him about it 

       

      and seeing is that you even saw some of that female side is good for me, i have been a ultra masculine male my whole life trying to hide what i am, it has been very hard to let that go when you have spent the better part of 30 years keeping in bottled up, but let me tell you what a difference a week makes, there will be more videos added to my youtube account in the future so keep an eye on it 

       

      but again thanks for watching i really do appreciate it

    • April 7, 2015 7:35 PM BST
    • Hi Ryan.

      I have watched it all now and as you said at the end you guessed most had swithed off you now know I did not because I would not have heard you say it.

      I guess you know you have a long way to go! . You are still presenting as a male (well in the video) . You living that male life is showing and you are going to need to work on that so do not waste any time on that part. In the whole video only for a few seconds did I detect your female persona. I am not here to criticise but you are going to have to say fond farewells to the him If you are to make it through this. You have spent a long time hiding the she and at the moment the he is winning. It really is not a fight if you think about it , it is letting go that you need to do. You may have already planned a date to say goodbye to you old self I do not know.

       

      I am not an expert and all I have seen of you is that video (I skipped the first one). Your video lasted about 12 minutes and out of that 12 minutes as I said I only picked up on your female side for a few seconds. You now need to reverse that if you are going to survive in that big wide world. It is good you have support of friends and some family but they are going to have to say goodbye to him too.

      It may be them holding you back or you not wanting to let go but one way or another you are going to have to let go. Study females if you need to , watch their every move , listen to the way they express themselves through their voices. Do this for yourslf and no one else and it is not selfish. Being selfish is not caring and you do care about your family. When your family see those changes they may change their minds and not like it then you can tell them not to be selfish because you need to do this to be happy.

       

      I wish you all the best and I am saying goodbye and leaving anymore comments to others here .

       

      Take care x.

    • April 7, 2015 12:22 PM BST
    • Thanks for watching it. Ya i know it got a little long but i had a lot of info to put in. I made it as a way to come out to a large number of people at the same time (i told family and close friends in person) and in a effort to try and help others. If i can do that then i will feel like i made a difference in the world

      So if you want to please share it with others

    • April 7, 2015 11:25 AM BST
    • Can I just wish you all of the best Ryan?. As long as you are happy then that  is the most important thing. I have watched about 5.5 minutes of your video (sorry my time is limited). You know you have a long way to go but you can make it with determination.

       

      Good luck and best wishes for now and the future.

       

      Take care x

    • April 7, 2015 1:54 AM BST
    • well as the title says my name is Ryan im 32y/o i have been been in the process of transitioning from male to female now for about 10 months and have never been happier in my life.

       

      i have a 6y/o son and a recently seperated from wife who is actually wonderfull and supportive and we are best friends but she cant be with a women which i understand, i live in ontario canada and i found this site through facebook and i hope to meet some new people in the community.

       

       

      im never good with these intros, i dont know what to say but thanks for having wonderfull communities like this 

    • March 5, 2015 2:02 PM GMT
    • Welcome to the site Emily. I agree with the above statements regardign being honest with your girlfriend. She has a right to know as no one wants to be deceived by their partner. If she isn't prepared to stand by you then as difficult as it is, it is better to find out now than several years from now. You also have children, that brings with it a whole new set of problems but they are not as bad as you might think. 

      You need to be honest, first and foremost, with your girlfriend and with yourself, and you need to look at your options. What if you are unable to transition for example? Living full time is a huge step and cannot easily be reversed. That's before any surgcal interventions occur. If you are struggling to come out, then it's unlikely you are ready to 'start your journey' just yet. 

       

      Please don't think I'm being unhelpful, I'm not, I'm being honest and trying to ensure that you have thought this through fully, with all the consequences that it will entail. We're all just trying to protect you as we know how difficult this process can be. 

       

      It's not an easy choice for anyone, but for some of us, it had to be made.  

    • February 27, 2015 9:31 PM GMT
    • You raise some good points Mary .  So here is my point. Emily says she is about to start her journey , she also says that she chickened out and revoked about herself for fear of losing her girlfriend. I guess she means she tested the water and did not get a very good response.

      Emily cannot start a journey unless she is honest about who she is to her girlfriend. It is unfair and it is deception. If the relationship is to have any chance of success Emily needs to be honest. Emily cannot live two lives when others are involved , well she can but it is unfair and will be very hard to hide.

      Honesty always pays in life and you take your chances of acceptance or rejection because honesty from the start would have prevented this situation. I know it is to late in this case but transgender people do know they are Trans before entering into a relationship. Others should learn from stories like this "Just be honest". Emily is in York UK not New York City! Very far apartSmile. There are an estimated 3 Million transgender people in the UK so maybe Emily should tell her girlfriend that it is not uncommon. That will not cure the situation but facts may just help her girlfriend understand it is common.

       

      Take care x



    • February 27, 2015 6:49 PM GMT
    • Welcome
      Here's some questions you should consider.
      1. You say you are a "transgender women" check you terminology. 
      2. You say your bi. Does your girlfriend know you're bi?
      3. you say you don't know anything about makeup - that's easy there are tutorials on the web.
      4. Are you a cross-dresser? 
      My suggestion is learn makeup with the help of your girlfriend. If she is willing, she'll help you with dressing.
      That's a good starting point. You don't have to announce this to the world - take it slow until you get your act together.
      You say you have time constraints - think about why.
      My best wishes.
      I left NYC in 1956 

    • February 27, 2015 6:05 PM GMT
    • Hi Emily.

      You need to start again with your girlfriend and be totally honest about yourself this time. If you know deep down that you need to even start to change then you are going to have to be honest. Make that your first change before anything else.

      If your girlfriend accepts it then you can work it out together. If your girlfriend cannot accept it then your relationship will fail.

      Good luck.

       

      Take care x

    • February 27, 2015 5:52 PM GMT
    • Hi there everyone.

      Just joined this website yesterday so... uhm. Hi, I guess.

       

      About me:

      I'm Emily Jane or EmJay/MJ for short.
      I'm 24, about 5"11 with blonde hair and blue eyes.

      I'm from York in the UK

      I've recently discovered what has been plagueing me all these years. That I'm a transgender woman and about to start my journey... if I figure out exactly how I'm going to do that.
      I've researched what NEEDS to be done, but as many of you probably know, it's not as simple as just doing. There are people in your life that you need to let know about this. And that's the part that terrifies me. Telling my nearest and dearest.

      I am bisexual and have a girlfriend, 2 children and they don't know about this yet.
      My girlfriend has been told, but I chickened out and revoked it when I felt I was going to lose her over it. I think that was a big mistake, I should have kept the honesty going instead of hiding myself like a scared little kitten.

       

      I'm looking to meet new people locally who are experiencing or have experienced the struggles of starting to become a woman.
      Any advice or help would be great.

      I'm not great at make-up and don't really get much time or opportunity to try things or even buy products. At the moment this side of me is completely secret from my family. And it's tearing me apart.

       

      Apart from that, I'm generally quite bubbly, fun-loving and intelligent.
      So please come say hi, offer me your pearls of wisdom. And if you think you fancy meeting up, no matter where you are in your transition I would love that.
      Also anyone who would be nice enough to offer a place of sanctuary that I could come to to try make-up techniques or even hide my ever growing clothing collection (that scarecely fits in the hiding place in my car anymore) I would be forever greatful.

      So come on, say hi. I can't wait to get to know you all. Even if you're not local or even from the UK I would still appreciate your online friendship, support and advice.

       

      Thanks guys.

      Love Emily


    • February 24, 2015 6:19 PM GMT
    • Hi Lisa

      I took me a long time to realize that I wasn't a crossdresser. I not only wanted to dress like a girl, I wanted to BE a girl in every way. My suggestion is to follow your heart and you can't go too far wrong. I wish you all the best.

       

      hugs;

       

      marissa

    • February 21, 2015 12:39 AM GMT
    • I was online when this was going on. I was warned by Katie that if I responded to The person calling themself Chalice Brendale in anyway or form I will be removed from GS with no further warning. I still say I should have ignored Katie and done the decent thing and stood up for Marcy.

       

      Thank you so much for caring Steve , and all in this thread that have shown where we go wrong and how we can fix it .

       

      You all take care xxxx

    • February 21, 2015 12:30 AM GMT
    • Steve, we have in the past had people pretending to be very young, the important thing is to treat people like this with dignity and help, on the understanding they might be genuine, if they are not, nothing lost nothing gained, if the are genuine underage, they get the relevant information in a kind and sensative manner so nothing lost and everything gained.

       

      If people pretend they are underage, then they are either stupid or trolls and thats why I mentioned troll, but defference and respect must be shown by everyone until they prove they are trolls   I can't make is any simpler.

    • February 21, 2015 12:22 AM GMT
    • Ok...here's my two cents worth.

      I originally commented on this after seeing it on the front page of GS. What did surprise me is no one else stood up for Marcelline and thats why I joined in the convo.  I hadnt been on GS long but I had been here long enough to work out that Chalice and their opinions/posts were not particularly valued, so someone needed to stand up.

       

      I do find it unusual that there seems to be a little too much talk of Marcelline being a troll.  Im admin for a few sites related to my recreational interests and usually any trolls that try to drop in and spoil the party, make their intentions and motivations immediately obvious. They are also unceremoniously cut off at the knees and banned. Marcellines post does not strike me to be that of a troll at all.

      Yes she broke the age limit rules but when I tried to find them as a guest member, the site wouldnt allow me access to them

       

      And heres a copy of the message I sent to her ...  

      • Hi Marceline
        I would be inclined to ignore anything that Chalice has posted in your introductions topic. I have only been here a relatively short while and have already worked out that she isnt a nice person.
        Im sorry you have had to endure her bitterness.
        If you have any questions direct them to Marissa.
        She will no doubt help you.
        hugs Steve
      • December 6, 2014
        Well, it IS an 18+ website... (which, i didn't know signing up) so, i'm probably going to be kicked off/banned sooner or later... but that's okay I guess. I just joined this website because I didn't have that many people to talk to about this sort of thing IRL. I think Chalice thinks that I'm trying to bum estrogen off of someone, which, after re-reading my post, i can kind of see where she's coming from, however, that wasn't my intention for coming here.

       

      December 7, 2014
      Nah.....the way I see it is that you were just being nice, saying hullo ,and filling peeps in on where your at. Having something to share, is what this place is all about. Helping someone I is probably why we are all here.
      Having your integrity questioned in your very first post is not pleasant.
      Being trans isn't easy anytime and one would in the very least expect to find a sympathetic ear and acceptance here,
      I am a little disappointed that one of theods hasn't spoken up. Have they contacted you?
      The age thingy is something else but its not the main issue here.
      My issue is how rudely you were treated.
      May I suggest adding a further post to your topic saying just what you have told me........which is you here to find some like minded peeps to talk about your journey.
      cheers Steve
       
       
       
      Anyway if any good is to come from this then if any younger members drift on here then contact isnt lost and they are pointed in the right direction

    • February 21, 2015 12:17 AM GMT
    • I often feel I have failed here, its the very nature of this type of site, but if you help one person, thats a big plus, stop beating yourself up.    Perhaps I should of been here to sort it out, but being practible, thats just not possible.   We all do what we can when we can.

       

      If Katie had to get involved or even had the time to be involved with every little squable, problem other stuff would'nt get done and she would have no life at all, if she di'nt care there would be no site.

    • February 20, 2015 11:35 PM GMT
    • Hi Madeleine.
      I should have looking back now stood up for Marcy and if Katie thought it fit for me to have my account closed for doing so then she is making this site is worthless and all it stands for.
      Take care x

    • February 20, 2015 11:22 PM GMT
    • Hopefully Marcy could tell what she was dealing with and while still very unpleasant, put it in perspective. She's probably bright enough to realize how ridiculous a statement like "I think if you said you were 18 when you joined that puts you in a bind legally." actually is...

    • February 20, 2015 11:18 PM GMT
    • You needn't blame yourself Julia.

    • February 20, 2015 11:13 PM GMT
    • I have edited my post above , I failed Marcy it is as simple as that.

    • February 20, 2015 11:11 PM GMT
    • You are correct Crissie and to be clear, I'm not blaming anyone for not catchng this sooner.
      I just wish we had the resources to find a better way to prevent situations like this...

    • February 20, 2015 10:34 PM GMT
    • I know Crissie but some give the game away from the start. I should have stepped in here at the start. I should have put my membership here at risk and done the decent thing , I failedFrown.

    • February 20, 2015 10:13 PM GMT
    • Does'nt matter weather they are genuine or not, its important that we treat them as if they are genuine, give suitable links, if they are underage they get the help and links they need and are regretfull removed from GS, if  they are not genuine and a troll they get the advice and sent packing anyway,  better to er on the side of caution.