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    • August 6, 2002 4:24 PM BST
    • Julie, you can e-mail me anytime!

    • August 6, 2002 1:28 PM BST
    • yes it's great....

      I thought i had recently found someone who wanted me for me, and "gave it a go" . It proved to be Love's impossible dream... :'(

      We knew each other so well, and wanted each other so much, but fought each other mentally like cat versus cat.

      I know it was too much for both of us,and could never be ideal, and never work as a relationship so I agreed to move away last night.



      postscript ....much later.,,,
      i have pc and flat and me and two cats. NOT MUCH ELSE>
      all who speak to me know who i am inside, and several people have become cyberfriends here.
      sometimes i speak out too boldly, thats only to compensate for what have been appalling social and personal circumstances. but hey, read my lips, julie EXISTS STILL even though the world has tried to keep jim from residing in the background .... mmmm no more details here... too much information.

      katie. luv your whole mentality, and if i could, in any way help, i would. but i looking at so much crapola myself, and working from a position far behind that i should be in right now (13.10.02)

      not sure if it appropriate to modify this posting, or whether i shouldve started another.
      i do go off a bit like a rocket at the moment so... forebearance please????


      I now have to find my feet again.

      I am "perdu dans le salle des pas perdu" (if i got that right, it's a miracle.)

      Any francophones are free to translate that on the next post if you want.
      I dont speak much french.


      I am personally in limbo and appreciate what this site offers, and will continue to visit as much as i can.

      I so hate backward steps , don't you???





    • August 3, 2002 9:50 PM BST
    • Katie, it took me a week, but I finally found this!  I love the work you've done here, and please let me know whether there's anything I can do to help. I'm sure this website provides a satisfying way for you to express yourself, but it's also created a welcoming environment for your fellow trannies around the world, like me. I wish I had discovered it sooner (true, it's only a few months old, but still... it's that good)!

      I'm glad you found someone who accepts you and wants you the way you want to be. Many of us are still looking, but I haven't given up. In the meantime, I hope to establish some lasting friendships here, and I'm glad you decided to express yourself by creating this website, where you "can be Katie all the time."

    • August 6, 2002 1:17 PM BST
    • stevie, :( i know you very excited about the site, but some of us dont have webcams, or ability to post pictures even though we'd love to. :'(

      Just a friendly comment, not meant to offend. ;)

      ;DKATIE.... you may think this silly, but a studio is a very good idea for revenue, where people could have pictures taken and posted to a gallery??
      Maybe a channel partnership with someone uk, and someone US and reduced rates for trannywebbers, and link advertising on this site from the studio(s) concerned... blah blah blah??

      ::)(Oh dear, another of Julie's "way out west" visions....)



    • August 6, 2002 3:00 AM BST
    • O.K., here are some of my favorite shoes. If interest in the gallery picks up, I might post some more.  http://mywebpages.comcast.net/fashionlab/Images/Smileys/Stevie02.gif



      The pictures are being redone - check back later.

    • August 5, 2002 1:53 PM BST
    • Thanks Katie.  http://mywebpages.comcast.net/fashionlab/Images/Smileys/Smile03.gif

      Dear, I did see that thread, but I thought it might be nice to have one place where we could all go to see everyone else's pictures, as opposed to having them scattered throuout the board in random posts. When talking in the chat room, it would be nice to be able to say, "Oh, just go to the Gallery, I've posted some pictures there." So many of us want to see each other's pictures and show each other clothes, shoes, etc.

      Girls, this isn't a Stevie gallery, it's for anyone who wants to see and/or be seen. I'd love to see some other pictures, so that I can place names with faces. Just follow Katie's instructions from the other topic and post your pictures in here.  http://mywebpages.comcast.net/fashionlab/Images/Smileys/Stevie01.gif

    • August 5, 2002 11:17 AM BST
    • Great Idea Stevie, but I beat you to it back in March.  Take a look at:  http://gendersociety.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=TrannyWeb_News&action=display&num=1015238626&start=2

      All the instructions are there.

      Hope this helps till the new stuff arrives.

      Hugs,

      Katie

    • August 5, 2002 6:57 AM BST
    • This might not be a good idea, but we'll see how it goes. Katie might have something better with the redesign, but, until then, I wanted to start a photo gallery, so we could post pictures of ourselves. Post anything you like - pictures of yourself, your favorite shoes, outfits, whatever.

      I guess I should start it off, considering I brought it up. Here are some web cam pictures of me in my natural habitat, in front of the my computer. Obviously, I'm not really that white. The lighting is bad, and so is my skill with the cam. http://mywebpages.comcast.net/fashionlab/Images/Smileys/Laugh01.gif  I'll try to make them better, next time.


      The pictures are being redone - check back later.


    • August 3, 2002 10:15 PM BST

    • hey, me too! I'm still waitin' though!

    • August 3, 2002 6:48 AM BST
    • Actually, I prefer it when the babes woo me! http://mywebpages.comcast.net/fashionlab/Images/Smileys/Wink01.gif

    • August 2, 2002 9:49 PM BST
    • Thank you, thank you and thank you.
      I knew somebody would use the "54 reasons" to woo the babes(lol)
      I can't take credit for the page itself, I was merely the model. My friend Natasha built it for me, ain't I lucky?

    • August 2, 2002 6:51 AM BST
    • Cool stuff (& nice pictures)!

      I've designed websites before (as an amateur), but I've never created a personal website. The skill is there, but not the courage... yet.

      I love the "54 Reasons" page! I need to hand that to every woman I date!  http://mywebpages.comcast.net/fashionlab/Images/Smileys/Laugh01.gif

    • August 1, 2002 11:07 PM BST
    • Updated bio now online at:
      http://www.disney.com

    • June 24, 2002 8:59 PM BST
    • Hi All,

      I deleted my original post as it was a little too personal, rambling and could have got me locked away!
      If your still curious visit my website:

      http://

      Love ya
      Irene

    • August 3, 2002 8:47 PM BST
    • I hope Katie is able to keep things running far into the future. I've been to other (non-tranny) sites where I've made some friends, but this is the first useful tranny-oriented site I've found that doesn't throw porn ads all over my browser. I just like having a place where I can be a girl with other girls (of course, everyone is welcome) and discuss legitimate thoughts, feelings, jokes, lifestyles, social issues, girl-talk, etc.

      Carrying on...

    • August 2, 2002 8:28 PM BST
    • yyyeeesss!  people are getting it!

      i hope this site helps many!, i found it and it's great!

      So carry on carrying on!!!

    • August 2, 2002 7:02 AM BST
    • See? That's what I mean! *giggle*  

    • August 1, 2002 3:11 AM BST
    • From what I've seen so far, I'll have to agree with you. Everyone here has been very sweet to me. I never felt like an outsider, which is rare!  For that matter, at no time did I even feel like the "new girl."

      kisses, hugs, and all that other mushy stuff

    • July 29, 2002 8:45 AM BST
    • Thank you. I'm still exploring the site.  

    • July 29, 2002 8:36 AM BST
    • Welcome to you stevie, hope you get what you need from this wonderful site, - look after katie   she's a star.

      THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE.  ;)

    • July 29, 2002 8:17 AM BST
    • Hi. I just registered this morning, after finding Tranny Web. I haven't had a chance to explore the whole website, but it looks very nice, so far.

    • August 3, 2002 8:36 PM BST
    • Hi Susan, Hi Meme. http://mywebpages.comcast.net/fashionlab/Images/Smileys/Smile03.gif

    • August 3, 2002 2:05 PM BST
    • m, this IS the world wide web. :-/

      Yes there are u.s. members, :) and people visit from all over the world, :o so post up your messages, comments, feelings, fears etc, and you will find nyc people (or at least people close to you) ;)
      but dont dismiss the chance of talking to people in uk!

      Kuddles  8)

      Julie.

    • June 1, 2002 8:40 PM BST
    • is this site mainly for UK residents? Does it contain any NYC members?

    • March 3, 2002 2:40 PM GMT
    • I am 52 and have been cross-dressing in some way ever since I was about 3 years of age. I would dearly love to go all the way and have full gender reassignment but cannot becuse of family reaction.
      My only solace is sites like this which allows me to have real identity as a woman. I write stories too in which I can live some of my fantasies.

      Hugs and Kisses

      Susan

    • July 22, 2002 1:16 AM BST
    • Hi Jenny,

      Argo's have breast enhancers. In their lingerie section. 2 pairs of these make a fairly good B cup.
      It's what I used before getting a pair from Breastformstore.com

      If ordering off the net watch that duty! Ouch it can double the price if staying in UK or Eire and getting from the states.

      Love

      Irene

    • July 21, 2002 5:51 PM BST
    • i used to use rolled up socks!
      now i build up a bra inside the little pockets inside, and wear one two sizes too small to squeeze me into it.
      nothing like the real thing though i bet- has fooled maybe one person once. but probably no more than that.
      cos when i go out, its usually "classic tranny" style o.t.t. at a gay bar. getting drunk off my face.
      but hey, i know ive got a problem, it doesnt go away, and its larger than ever in my mind right now.

      good luck girl, hope you DONT DELAY like i continually do. I feel so bad about myself for not starting sooner, and wonder if i should now - even though it a major urge inside.

      enough of me warbling on yet again, mail me if you need to chat on anything. my mail is julie-clarke@vizzavi.net

      BUT PEOPLE, PLEASE DONT SPAM ME, GOT ENOUGH SPAM CLEANING DUTIES TO DO EVERYTIME I LOG ONTO MY MAIL! THANKX
      8)<HIDING IN THE BACKGROUND FOR THE MOMENT>

    • July 17, 2002 12:19 PM BST
    • Hi Girls,

      A shopping board is a very good idea.  I'll see if we can do it soon.  We'll need to be a bit careful about what people say about companies and products though.

      Perhaps we should limit it to nice comments only - "tell us about your best tranny shopping experiences" - that kind of thing.  We don't want to upset anyone.  Can't afford to go to court!

      Hugs,

      Katie

    • July 17, 2002 4:55 AM BST
    • Welcome...

      Your idea for a shopping forum is a great one; at present, most of the shopping information here is on the general board.  There are a few topics there related to shoes.  So far, I have bought shoes at Target (a discount department store - Ireland must have an equivalent).  I am still getting used to shoes, so I don't want to spend money on really nice ones yet.  If I waste $20 on a pair of shoes that does not quite work out, that is better than wasting $100.  Beyond that, I am not quite sure where to look, but there are some suggestions on the general board.  Discount stores are also a good source of clothing; again, the prices are reasonable, so it is possible to experiment.  If you are nervous to shop in person (as I was when I started crossdressing), catalogs might work, but figuring out shoe sizes is difficult.

      Breast forms seem to be rather expensive (about $300 +) for good ones; I have not bought the best type yet.  For about $50, I bought a pair of silicone breast forms out of the J.C. Penney (a department store) catalog.  They are the type that women stuff in their bras to increase their cup size.  I also bought a bra with pockets to hold them.  While not perfect, they are pretty good and the price is reasonable.

      I hope this helps.  Maybe we should start up a shopping forum.

      Good luck.

      Heather H.

    • July 16, 2002 9:20 PM BST
    • Hi girls,

      I got a couple of nice welcome emails on sunday, and I thought I'd let you know a bit about my self.

      I can remember stuffing my bed sheet up my pj top to give myself a bust when I was as young as about 8. I didn't start wearing my mothers clothes until I was in my teens and I started using makeup at that age too.

      I've been living on my own for about 5 years now, and I hadn't given much thought to crossdressing until about 2 years ago, I've since raided the attic in my parents house for a dress and shoes and I've bought a wig and makeup.

      It didn't occur to me to check the web until this weekend and I'm thrilled by the amount of resources available, but there's so much stuff I really need to buy. My first priority is a passable bust and after that some nice shoes that fit me properly.

      Is there a Shopping forum here for tips for prices and recommendations ?

      Hugs to all my new friends,
      Jenny

    • July 15, 2002 9:41 PM BST
    • i write as i got printed out: i took a test to see what was up. this is what i found...
      the document read as follows:
      --------------------------------------------
      the combined gender identity and transexuality inventory (cogiati) results

      your cogiati result value is 285 which means that you fall within the following category:
      COGIATI classification FOUR, PROBABLE TRANSEXUAL.

      What this means is that the Combined Gender And Transexuality Inventory has classified your internal gender identity to be essentially feminine, but with some masculine or androgynous traits. It is very possible that you are a candidate for diagnosis of transexualism. You show a strong degree of gender dysphoria. At the very least, further investigation should be undertaken. Your COGIATI score places you amongst the majority of those diagnosed as transesexuals, the "late onset" transsexual. :P



      Then there was a lot more b u m p h .  blah blah. potentially serious, blah blah, determination vital, blah de blah. :o


      and so it went on. to have a definition blew my mind. i didnt cry, i laughed!
      i am remarkably relaxed about the whole thing, but my friend found out, and wants me to book an immediate consultation with my doctor... etc etc.

      well there you go, we all have issues to deal with.
      mine are starting all over again!
      postings may continue as i feel the need to share...

    • July 12, 2002 8:44 AM BST
    • I used to clean windows and do painting, but was careful never to develop muscle mass, as for ages i knew i didnt want that sort of bulk. i work in an office right now, but cant dress there, havent got far enuf down the route to feminise myself. there always seems to be an "issue" to stop me. i want to but always make excuses. well i shaved my chest for the first time in ages last night and my current partner gave me a bj, because i was freshly shaved, it was so much better for me. Electric. I am currently experiencing for the first time support from another person, as i am good friends with a ts, who also has ts friend(s). She supports me, and is helping me to reeducate myself about what is right and proper to do if inside you is busting to get out. i'm ranting on now, -  "but life, it aint no ball game" (excuse the far stretched pun)and some of us need to look into a change of perspective on who we are and what we want, maybe repositioning to the place in and state of mind that fits those considerations. <end of lecture/rant/solliloqy/whatever>

    • July 12, 2002 6:50 AM BST
    • I was also a squaddie and now have a problem with muscle mass to get rid of, losing weight is easy if its fat, muscle not so easy. Good to hear that you have a wife who is supportive, and nice to know that I'm not the only girlie ex squaddie.

    • June 16, 2002 4:46 PM BST
    • hi Im Jess,Im a 36yo bi tv who's been dressing since the age of 8.I was very much in the closet until I met my first wife who encouraged me to explore my fem side,despite the fact I was a rugby playing ex sqaddie.My closet door is now open for anyone who cares to look in.I have been very lucky in the fact that my second wife is even more supportive than my first.I would love to hear from other tvs etc and share experiences especially those who live in Sussex

    • July 9, 2002 8:19 AM BST
    • I suppose that I started like everyone else.  I began at a very young age to dress up in my mother's clothes and was probably too innocent then to know what it was really all about.

      I really began to wonder when I srarted dressing in my sisters underwear and I can remember her sexy little supsender belt which I used to put on with her black stockings and panties.  Ever since then I have dressed up on and off.  Marriage I thought would cure me and it did for a while but when my wife and the childreen went away I started again.  After many years I now dress quite regularly and have a secret wardrobe stashed away.  I am still very much closeted and dearly wish I could declare myself in public.  One never knows it may happen some day.

    • April 13, 2002 9:11 AM BST
    • Hi Heather

      Welcome. I think we are all a mixture of male and female, indeed I think the whole of humanity is a mixture. The key issue is the proportions (psychologically as well as physically  :)) and to be happy with your own proportions.

      Its good to have friends you can talk to about all aspects of your life. Hopefully you can find friends here to.

    • April 13, 2002 1:55 AM BST
    • This seemed like the best place to start.  It is wonderful to finally find a place for people like me...

      I started dressing rather late (I was about 24).  I bought two pairs of panties and tried them on, and it immediately felt right.  Before this, I definitely had not fit into many traditional male roles (for example, I hate sports, and I prefer cooperation to competition).  As a child, I often related better to girls, and I was picked on a lot.  Although I did not start dressing at that time, I do remember playing around with my mother's nail polish when I was about 8, so maybe that counts as a start date.

      After discovering panties at age 24, I gradually accumulated more women's clothing of all types; now I have a small closet packed full.  I have lived alone since I was 17 (and I love it), and the concept of relationships just does not appeal to me, so I can dress at home as much as I want.  For the last three or four years, I have never worn men's clothing at home (unless I am about to go out or am expecting someone).  My progress has been somewhat slow, however.  I have not yet tried makeup or shoes.  (I will be checking the makeup tips here; it is about time to start.)

      Although I have never felt any guilt related to this, and I have never purged a single item from my wardrobe, I did not begin to fully understand this until about two months ago, when I finally decided to explore the issue on the Internet - that is how I discovered TrannyWeb.  I have a very strong feminine side, which I am ready to explore fully, but I also do not feel like my masculine side is 100% wrong - perhaps, psychologically, I am some of each.

      I am still mostly in the closet. So far, I have told only one person - a friend I have known since childhood.  He is a tolerant type, and he has been accepting.  I will also tell my mother soon; I do not believe she will have a problem with it.  Maybe she will even help.  She always wanted a daughter - little does she realize that she already has one!

      I guess this is enough for now.  Hopefully this is the first of many posts.  It is wonderful to find out that there are others like me out there.

      Love,

      Heather

    • July 9, 2002 12:16 AM BST
    • Hi Sue

      Congratulations on your clearance. Do you have a date?

      Best wishes

      Sarah

    • July 8, 2002 10:32 PM BST
    • Given your age and situation,everything seems perfectly normal.I have spoken to many tv's ad ts's,and there do appear to be the two stages of transition,despite some denial by the so-called experts.The first stage go around their teens,and usually become normal heterosexual women.The second stage try denial,marriage,career and so on,but around the age of 40,realise that they are what they are,and move on.However,all those years of conditioning put up some very hard barriers against what seems to be a homosexual relationship,and tend to become lesbian or just asexual.
      For reference,I'm 47,been on hormonees for 2 1/2yrs,and just got my final clearance for 'the op'.
      Sex is now more feminine in character-not so often,but it's worth the wait! Choose him carefully,and you may enjoy it-nothing ventured,nothing gained.If it doesnt work out,you still have the other option...
      Good hunting,Sue.

    • July 8, 2002 9:32 PM BST
    • Becky,

          I have a similar outlook on the situation you describe, except for the fact that I am not transforming my body.  I actually have a very active male life, and am in no way attracted in men.  However I have hooked up with 2 men while dressed, and it was an intense experience where I fealt so much like a woman.  Give it a try!

      Michelle :-)

    • July 8, 2002 12:47 AM BST
    • I stated cross dressing when I was about 8.
      I remember my older sister used to like dressing me up in her old clothes, a sort of live doll. Frilly dresses, skirts, even her shoes, I always have had very feminine small hands and feet. I didn't even object to the make up either, this annoyed my father but not my mother who I suspect always wanted another daughter.
      When I was 10 I was sent to boarding school and was just like the other kids there but on the school holidays when returning home I always looked forward to the dressing up and make up sessions, and when alone in the house liked just dressing up by myself. As I got older I convinced myself this was wrong, and tried to stop, but couldn't for long, the longing for the feeling of freedom the clothes acheived, if you know what I mean?

      I knew I was different to other boys, more sensetive, I would cry at sad films, or try to stop the tears when I was sad. I never felt like a boy, not as far as I can ever remember, and have always dressed up in secret. Only during the last few years did I decide to go further and transform, hormones worked very fast, much faster than I expected and eventually keeping my secret idientity was impossible as my boobs grew just too large to hide.

      Now I have the problem that I have always felt like a girl, but never have been attracted to men, but now I want to be loved and have an overwhelming desire for sex.
      Am I not quite normal, not attracted to men but wanting sex with one? I fantisise about it a lot, playing the submissive role, doing EVERTHING he wants and I really do want it, and long for the day it happens but whenever I look at men for real I just get turned off and cannot imagine letting them touch me.

      Is this normal? By the way I wish I found this site years ago.

      Becky x

    • March 4, 2002 10:46 AM GMT
    • Hi Girls,

      You can now include a photo of yourself in your postings (as long as you have a picture elsewhere on the web).

      Just use the buttons above the text box when you are writing your message.  The one you want to insert a picture is the fourth from the left on the second row.

      You can also center it with the formatting buttons on the first row.

      Here's a picture of me to prove that it works.

      http://gendersociety.com/images/katie.jpg

      Hugs, Katie   :)

    • February 26, 2002 3:16 AM GMT


    • Hi, my name is Jessica Marie and I am transgendered.I am very happy. I love the trannyweb.

    • February 20, 2002 3:04 PM GMT
    • kisty firstly i congratulate you on being able to come out to ur close family....secondly loosing a little one is desparetly sorry afair i know we (my wife and i )have lost 2
      but through our tragedy came 2 beautifull children. one of each...the feelings for cross dressing i can share even wanting to be with another man. but we must put our lives into perpective. i must keep my desires here or on the very odd friday nite in london town were i can relax in a place were i can be myself. sharing ur hopes for a better life love suzy

    • February 19, 2002 12:09 AM GMT
    • I dont know about Canada, but in Sweden you can get some of the plastic surgery for a reduced price if a doctor classifies you as a TS.
      But you have to be ready to go all the way in that case I guess...

      Hugz,

      Jo

    • February 17, 2002 9:33 AM GMT
    • Hi everyone,
      I'm a retired CD/TV and have a problem I'd like to ask you all. Having been blesed with fair hair and nice skin all my life.I now find my body hair growth accelerating at an alarming, unpleasant rate. I now shave at least twice a week and realy hate it.
      Doctors would not advise taking hormones at my age. I enjoy climaxing every other day, which would dissapear permenantly if I took hormones.
      Has anyone found an answer. What do you all do about body hair. how much might it cost to go through total removal by Lazer etc?

    • February 14, 2002 4:03 AM GMT
    • I am an older crossdresser and have been dressing since I was about 10 years old. I have purged many times but over the past ten years have decided that I will never purge again. I love being a woman and would dearly like to be a complete female (even at my age). Whenever I can I go out in public, something which is getting harder to do as gravity takes it's toll on my face >:( >:(.  One thing I will never do is to give up trying to be a woman in every way I can.

    • February 12, 2002 8:48 PM GMT
    • Cindy ... I hope you understand how incredibly lucky you are.  Not that transition is ever going to be a walk on the yellow-brick-road ... but at your age ... to have such a rock-solid revelation - substantiated by fact ... and the enthusiasm and energy to pursue it ... it is truly a blessing and a gift from your Higher Power.
      I suspect most of us (me) wallow about in self-recrimination and doubt and loathing ... purging everything only to begin again ... until it's way to late to get right-minded, accept the obvious and go for the ultimate self-realization.  So it goes.
      Here's wishing you all of the good fortune and sweet success that love and money can bring about as you pursue your dream.
      Jayne

    • February 12, 2002 6:42 PM GMT
    • ;)

      I finaly have given in to my mind. I can't stop. I want to be a woman so bad. Ever since I was six, I would raid my stepmothers chores for panites and other lingerie. I would wear them in secret.

      Now I am 33 years old and thank god for the internet and Mexico. I am taking a full dose of hormones and I have never been so excited in my life. It feels so good to finally let the person I have been hiding inside, come out.
      I have a wonderful, beautiful wife that understands, and lets me take them. She buys me clothes and lets me dress up. Soon we will be going out together as two girls looking for dates :) She has been preparing me with her strap-on and geting me into shape. Finally 33years of hell are going to pay off.

      Is it like this for everybody? WHy do we wait so long, living lies?

      People tell me I cross dress. I say I always have. Society has made me crossdress as a man and that is not what I feel or am. So to dress as a woman to me is not crossdressing. Its being right.
      Feeling the way I way meant to be. Oh well, this is a really neat forum. I am glad i found it.

    • February 4, 2002 8:03 PM GMT
    • I'm 57 years old, 5'7" - 140, light reddish-brown hair and blue eyes.  I've been dressing in soft and delicates since around age 8 or so.  Discovered my parent's stash of porn about a year later and was always drawn exclusively to women alone and lesbian lovers.  Went nuts every time the new Sears Catalog arrived.
      When puberty hit me at age 10, my nipples became swollen and so delightfully sensitive and tender that I couldn't keep my fingertips off them.  Then they began leaking fluid that would dry all stiff on the inside of my little boy's white cotten underskirts ~ sometimes even soaking through to make a wet stain on my outer shirt.  I was mortified ~ and mesmerized.  At that very moment in my life I wanted to have delicate, supple, exciting to fondle breasts more than anything else in the entire world.  My saddest day was when I realized that that particular phase of puberty was finished and "boy" hormones had won the competition ~ no breasts for me.  From that time on, I envied every genetic female the soft sensuous pleasures inherent in her nipples ~ and I was also convinced that the level of bliss-filled ecstacy connected to clitoral-masturbation must surely be a thousand times more "internally" thrilling than my experiences with hurry, hurry, hurry little-boy jerk-off sessions ~ spewing sticky goo all over the place and then having to clean it all up so as to leave no telltale traces - YUK!
      Trick-or-treating time would come and I'd always want to go out dressed as a girl.  One time a husband and wife debated for about 10 minutes as to whether I was a boy or a girl.  The man kept saying, "Look at those calves and ankles ~ that's a girl's leg!"  I was thrilled beyond my ability to explain it.  Then, (and still to this day) my own mother frequently refers to me as "Evelyn" in an absentedminded, "Oops I mean Jay" kind of way.  Over the years it's become a family joke.
      Anyhow, that was the way I came to my life-long, endlessly guilt-ridden journey into the realm of crossdressing, (numbed by 20-plus years of alcoholism), and then hormonal transgenderism (straight and sober for 13 years now ~ thank you very much).  I have no idea what "label" fits my outlook or destination.  I am a man of 57 years ~ so my point of view and reference is male.  In my head and heart I have always been more female ~ and never, ever had the nerve to say it aloud anywhere but right here, right now.  I do not wish to become a "woman" ~ I will become a "man" with feminine features, a becalmed spirit and no necessity whatever to run with the "Big Dogs" just because I've got nuts.
      My wife knows about my dressing.  Knows I dress when she's at work.  We've come to an accord:  Don't ask.  Don't tell.
      She does not know about any of my transitioning activities ~ she's already made it known loud and clear she'd want nothing to do with a "tranny-queer" ~ for why else would a man want to resemble a woman if not to attract men?
      When we make love though, and she kisses my nipples because she knows I enjoy it (I almost swoon with delight) she believes it makes her a better lover ~ little does she know that if she wanted to be the world's MOST PERFECT lover, she'd allow Jay&Jayne to exist on the same plane, simultaneously ~ with enough recognition to be allowed to come out into the light and live and breath and be the best friend a woman could ever have.  Such irony !!!