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Due to my chronic illness I do not sleep many full nights in a bed but usually sitting in a chair at the table. This has its own issues, like falling out of the chair. So long story short I took a tumble early hrs Saturday Morning. By midday Saturday I was in some serious pain so called the local emergency Dr Service and was told I needed to present myself to emergency ASAP and by ambulance if there was no one there to take me.
Arrived in Emergency and explained my situation but because I was having chest pain(due to physical injury), no difficulty breathing, no other Heart attack signs but it was still enough for them to start running EKG’s, setting up IV lines the whole works. Even a machine that went ping.
As part of this I need to take my shirt off so they can attach the EKG leads which I promptly began to do, I got the shirt halfway off when I suddenly remembered that I had shaved my chest that morning along with my legs. Had decided to try on my new wardrobe and didn’t like the look of the hairy chest, not expecting to have to show it to anyone.
It was too late to try and protest about taking my shirt off… So a nightmare scenario is beginning to run through my mind. This involves the nurse noticing and commenting on my cleanly shaven chest and my little A cups sticking out for all they are worth, my daughters take one look and bolt from the room screaming hysterically and my partner breaks down weeping asking why had I done such a thing as …THIS! Off to the side a mounting roar of laughter erupts as the rest of the emergency department hears about the guy with the shaved chest and an A cup…all this played through my mind like a movie real as I took my shirt off and waited for the ruckus to begin.
Nobody batted an eyelid…if anyone noticed they said nothing and made no comment. This included the three women in my life sitting no further than a few feet from me. This got me to thinking, is it that they didn’t notice or is it that they did but it did not register. Either way my own paranoia was more likely to have bought me unstuck than people actually noticing anything at all. I wonder if there is something in this that could be applied when talking about “passing”. Is it our own insecurities that give us away rather than larger hands, tall stature or 5 O’clock shadow. What it did show me very clearly is that people see what they want to see and dismiss the rest.
Hi Sarah,
I think you are right in talking about the personal Paranoia and insecurities,as this is a dominant factor in most Trans people .its worth recognising it and making the moves to address this as it mostly blocks you out from empathizing with people and communicating with them.Personally I am not from a health services working background mistakenly choosing to put myself in the protective shell of engineering, but myMum,Sister and long term partner all work in Hospital.[Though Mum has retired now].Recently I have to deal with a difficult issue in the family as my younger brother suffers from Bipolar Disorder , what helped me deal with this was talking this through with Mum,Sis and partner as they take a very non judgemental view and concern themselves with what is most needed.Where I live in Uk Health Service resources are stretched so the reaction is often pragmatic, they cannot afford to be diverted and lead away by the spurious thoughts of an possibly fearful patient.Sounds like the 3 women in your life are just showing the concern and support you need.
I liked Gwens comment as I notice I get called Sweetie, which in pre-transition I would have behaved in a way to avoid this happening , you know putting up the front etc.Yes it is nice to relax and just let the health service people get on with their job.
I had to take my partner into hospital 3 months ago , and it just seems appropriate that you should be quietly supportive of someone who is ill, and not add to their distress.
