Something I read on here a couple of days ago got me thinking , it got me thinking how lucky I am. It has not always been that way though.

Yesterday I had time to visit a few places I had not been for a few weeks. The result was , Julia where have you been? And from many people. As an example standing talking to 3 girls one said , Julia you look well , I replied no I look a wreck. She said , no you are glowing then saying doesn't she to the others and they agreed saying why do you put yourself down?. I admit I do , and often and I know I should'nt but I put that down to my past.

I was asked by a publisher to write my life story and it is not nice. I picked 2 friends to proof read it as I complete each 2 chapters. One has now told me she is sorry but she cannot read it. She said if you were a stranger I could but I just cannot read any more because you are to good a friend. I thanked her and said I understand and it does get worse so maybe it is best you stop now , I will now ask someone else not so close to me to read it.

She then asked me how could your mother be so cruel to you as a child yet treat your brothers and sister so well?. I told her my mother thought I was strange and thought she could beat the girl out of me , I am now 58 so it clearly never worked. My mother made me feel like dirt as a child and that will never leave me. I have searched and searched for just one good memory of her but there isn't one. It was all hate from her , not me I tried so hard.

One thing I always promised myself is I will never be like her , I can't be like her it is not in me , she is not in me , only in bad memories . Her not being in me makes me lucky too.

I have learnt many things from life and being born transexual is hard , and that is putting it lightly but I do see happy endings.

For anyone reading this who is transexual and finding life hard you need to look ahead , looking back is pointless , it is just a reference book of pain. Just like the book I am writing , it is extremely hard to write. Life now for me is more than I could have wished for where acceptance is concerned and all of the friends I have.

So I will shut up about me and say to anyone out there , if you are finding life hard just look forward. Do not look forward with negative thoughts make them positive ones. Give yourself a goal and aim for it. You will or may come accross people in life who will try to put you down for being you , you have to realise though that they are just plain ignorant. They want you to go home and sit in a corner and hide. They want you to make you feel bad about yourself , do not let them win.

However hard life may feel at times just look ahead knowing things will get better. When you reach your goal and you become your true self you can sit in that corner and say "I done it , I beat the ignorance".

It took someone elses problems I read about on here to prompt me to write this. I hope they soon get sorted and you can have a better life , we all deserve one.

You all take care , Julia xxx

Julia, dear Julia!

I am happy to read that there seems to be light at the end of your personal tunnel.  Life IS hard - and we just have to get over it.  Transgendered or not, poor low caste Indian or what.  You have to play the hand you have been dealt, and I like what you are doing with yours.  Forget petty differences.  They just add bitterness to the reat of your life.

Thanks for the post.

Big Hug,

Amanda

Thank you Amanda.

You have touched on something I told a group of transgendered people once. I sat and listened to them and not one of them had a good thing to say about their lives. If there was any good they were not talking about it. I could see they were just focusing on the negative side of life , it was like being in the castle of doom. I had to listen until I thought enough is enough , it is time to put a stop to this.

I then asked them 2 questions. (1) Would you have rather had been born with no legs? (2) Would you rather have been born in a country where your life expectancy is 11 years old?. Of course they all answered no. I was not being cruel when I said , well count yourselves lucky then. It made them stop and think.

Just like what I read on here which prompted me to write my post above , someone was worse off than me. There will always be someone worse off somewhere.

I have one good thing I can hold on to from my childhood. My father was killed in an accident when I was 10 years old. Up until that time he was the only man in my life , an amazing father and I have so many good memories of him. That is why I never changed my surname , I could not let his memory go and never will.

I am happy and content with my life so at least when my time comes I can say I found my happiness.

Hugs back.

Julia xx

Edit: As usual spell errors corrected (and a sentence added).