"Forced" gender identity change based on cultural rites and beliefs

I was perusing the apple trailer page and came across this interesting upcoming foreign film, "Sworn Virgin." http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/independent/swornvirgin/

I started reading up on this and discovered that this is a real thing, a real practice still going on today, and it's quite fascinating. Yet, at the same time, my worst nightmare!!! Because it has to do with biological women. "Choose" to live as a man for more rights, opportunities, and freedoms. Become a sworn virgin. Live and act as a man. Breaking the "vow" used to be punishable by death, but there's no evidence of that happening today if "he" breaks his vow and becomes "her" again and has "relations."

https://wikipedia.org/wiki/Balkan_sworn_virgins

How does this relate to today? You can't force a biological woman to be a man and it not backfire. Why was there a punishment of death? Because they probably got tired of not being who they truly were. So death was a deterrent.

Just like you can't force a trans woman to be a biological man, or a trans man to be a biological woman, that too will "backfire" and hopefully in life they will overcome society's repression and their own self-denial and be who they truly are.

It's harder for some of us cis people to wrap our brain around what it means to be transgender because of what we see with our eyes. A biological looking man. A biological looking woman. But if we can think and ask ourselves, what if I was forced to live as the gender I do not feel--which is a question this movie is posing--maybe then we would be closer to understanding what it is to be transgender.

As many of you know I was in the Army and something similar to this but on the gender role level happened to me. In the first ever coed basic training I was in, while scarfing down food in the mess hall, a drill sergeant tapped my boot with his and said "Uncross your legs, we're all soldiers now." This was the beginning of the de-feminization of me, not like I was even that feminine-acting to begin with. I had to do very masculine things on the job, and wear the masculine uniform for six years. I found it very easy to be one of the guys and they never once looked at me sexually, I was like their sister or buddy.

I went white water rafting and skiing with them in our free time, and when on 30-day field training exercises in the desert and woods, I'd play cards with them, occasionally puffing on cigars with them (never inhaling, more like George Burns style). I remember as clear as day this one female soldier, young wife and mother who was puttering about the tent organizing things while I puffed a cigar and was playing poker with the guys, she was rolling her eyes and not approving of me, she was always very cold with me. I think she was jealous, but that's another story. My male counterparts would even be my lookout when I had to relieve myself in the port-a-potty or woods, and I trusted them, they weren't pervs.

Of course in my 6 years in the Army during my time off, in the evenings and weekends I could let my hair down, wear skirts and dresses, put on lipstick, have a love interest or two. But that forced on-the-job repression "backfired" when I got out. I was always happy with my super small breasts, they served me well in the Army, nothing big to lug around if you know what I mean. But after seeing a relative of mine with breast implants, and my mother saying she thinks it will make me more confident and will pay for them, I thought yeah, I do want to feel and look like a woman finally at 25 (just shy of 26). So I got them done.

Then I was drawn towards the world of exotic dancing, what's more feminine than that? I was always a closet exhibitionist, even though I'm shy and reserved. When I started, I thought it was the greatest, I was going to change the world's views and elevate stripping to an art form (I thought I was so great on the stage, doing tricks on the pole, spinning twirling, climbing it, hanging upside down, sliding down etc, and copying sexy dance moves from the other girls), I was going to change people's minds that it was something honorable and not seedy or dirty or demeaning. I had always been a "good girl," a people pleaser, doing everything that was expected of me. Now I felt liberated. I was in charge and I was in control, men were looking at me and I could say things or move in a way that would capture their attention and imagination. Then over time I became jaded and dreaded going in to work. A few bad experiences with rowdy chauvinistic men, plus having to putting on a mask and trying to be friendly just to try to get money out of them put a strain on my psyche. And for the whole time I was a dancer, a year and a half, I had to be high, so that wasn't a good sign that this was right.

In the end, I realize that I didn't need to do those things to tap back in to my feminine side. But I have an extreme masculine and feminine side to me, so I'm not surprised by the twists and turns that is my life.

The key for me is to find a reasonable balance to express both sides of myself. I don't wear jewelry or nail polish and I watch horror movies, thrillers, action and superhero movies, I try to pump up my muscles and look toned by exercising regularly...yet I have fabulous long hair, wear light makeup, and love wearing pants and especially skirts, and will never pass up a cute dress. And I've studied child development, was a teacher for a short time, and still tutor grade school children occasionally. That's definitely a more female-centric profession.

Photos in no particular order (from 21-22 years ago): before basic training with friends, basic training, and advanced individualized training after basic (the ones where I'm wearing civilian clothes and my hair is ever so slightly longer). Right before basic training I chopped off all my hair. I never cut my hair that short again EVER and grew it out after training and always put my hair in a bun to conform to uniform standards.
This post was edited by Former Member at April 27, 2016 7:06 PM BST

Photos...

Still coming in upside down...
This post was edited by Former Member at April 17, 2016 1:38 PM BST

Hi Lisa,

          You know being transgendered for me was a long time sentence of doing things in a forced fashion, perversley you get messed up mentally overtime constructing your existence on the lines of "There no alternative","learn to enjoy what you are given"..all the while becoming some sort of mental slave .Along the way over the years "the  no alternative" mindset meant I just did things for the hoot of it and was suprised when people seem to take it seriously ,didnt they realize I was just acting.seems so pointless now.Its interesting that in this internet age people will post photos of themselves.For me in the past I always avoided having my picture taken,I guess because I knew I would always be giving some sort of disgruntled scowl.Nowadays I dont mind as I am going to smile. I feel quite happy now after a period of HRT sufficient to give me breasts.It just seems right.

Locally there is cycle path that the local authority newly extended, but they put up a sign to say that it was a dead end with no exit to the nearby village.when they first heard about everyone thought great idea to connect the villages by bike.No one locally can understand how the local authority could build it like this , a pointless solution leading to a pointless journey..sounds familiar to me .

 Like you I had a short hair episode, but this was one of those really awful moments in a M2F s life when you are so messed up mentally ,and hyper sensitive to comments for you to conform or else that  you make the BIG MISTAKE for reasons of giving other people relief rather than yourself.As you say things "backfire". My God did it take me a long while to grow my hair back.

Donna

Thanks Donna. So glad you can be who you truly are, and you're not forced to be what you're not. I can't imagine going through life acting, it must weigh so heavily on your psyche, like carrying around an anvil on your back that you can't let go of. It would make anyone scowl in photos! So glad now, you look beautiful and content in your photo here. Great bike path analogy. I get you, I hear you...and I see you now a beautiful woman!!! Finally!

Lisa I think you are a wonderful caring woman and you know my thoughts about you being welcome here , you are very welcome. Some do not share my thoughts but that is their loss. The fact is you care enought to be here and I personally thank you for that.

 

Your life story or parts that you have shared with us just shows that gender is really just a word. Of course there are 2 genders but both do the same things in life. You have had to play the part of a man in the army which is a male dominated profession , you had to fit in and to do that you had to go against you birth gender in some ways. What you went through is kind of like a transgenders transition , like man up woman if you know what I mean.

 

At the age of 10 after my father died my mother tried so hard to beat the girl out of me , she was in a way trying to force my gender. I knew I was not a boy and rarely acted like one. When she started to break my bones rather than just beating me she still failed. I still have , and have had all of my life the scar on my head from the day she smashed my head against a door frame and knocked me out. After I came round not only was my head hurting but my right leg was too. When I found the massive bruise on that leg my brother told me that is where she was kicking me and shouting at me to get up , I was unconcious.

 

According to my mother she wanted a girl when I was born yet she actually had one. She never once treated me like one but should would not accept me for who I was , I was what she wanted but for that became her punch bag.

Forced gender does not work , gender is something that is always with you from the day you are born untill the day you die. The body is a shell but what is inside can be the opposite to the body. In an ideal world everyone would understand and accept that. Sadly we do not live in an ideal world so we just get on with it. My mother failed big time , she failed me as a mother and failed to knock the girl out of me , maybe that is how you feel about the army? Even if you did enjoy parts of it.

 

Sorry this is short but I need to get somethings done for tomorrow.

 

Take care and again thank you for being here xx

About hair, it was very "cool" to have short hair in the movie Roman Holiday, one of my many favorite movies. Audrey Hepburn gets the fashionable super short hairdo, and she looked beautiful, feminine, so chic and pretty! BUT, I need my hair to be long to feel that much more like a woman. Just wanted to add that, Donna, because you mentioned the trials and tribulations of HAIR. And glad you learned your lesson albeit the hard way. Put yourself first and resist conforming for others.

Julia,

Please don't take offense, but there is a special place in hell for your mother. I know, it is so inappropriate of me to say, but I just have to get it off my chest.

Back to your beautifully written, heart wrenching post. You have so much insight, you're so perceptive about things, I agree with everything you've said. I was definitely "in a man's world" (I love that song "This is a Man's World" they usually sing it on those singing reality shows) and thank you for seeing my point of view--even clearer than me.

As far as your mother, I'm so sad she couldn't accept you for you, especially when she wanted a girl. Some mothers out there who wanted a girl but got a boy end up feminizing their (non-trans) sons, which isn't the right way to do things either.

Just let people and children be themselves!!! That's it for now. Thank you, Julia, for sharing...a big hug from me to you.

I do not take any offense Lisa. I cannot find one good memory of my mother how ever hard I search but my father and I had a wonderful relationship.

I have no belief in any after life unless this is it. If there were an after life my father would not be in hell and if he wanted my mother with him then that would be my wish , for him not her. His life was taken away far to early and I know he would have never allowed my mother to treat me the way she did if he had lived , I still hold his love in my heart.

 

I agree about your points about some mothers wanting girls then end up with boys and then feminising them as if they were trans. A legal age needs to be set and that age should be a minimum of 10 years old and a diagnosis made by a professional. If that diagnosis is gender dysphoria then hormones can be used before puberty kicks in but under strict medical supervision.

 

In the other post you and Donna were talking about hair. My hair has been long all of my life and many people tried to cut it , my mother included. My teachers and headmaster all tried before I was kicked out of school but they also failed , they even gave me money to go get it cut but they soon realised giving me money was not a good idea and it would not be spent on a hair cut.

 

Well it will soon be tomorrow and I need sleep so I am sending you a big virtual hug back.

 

Julia xx

Lovely GG Lisa - Came here from the Q and A page. I'm actually surprised that the video has some truth to it! Then again, that is pretty much how it feels living in the wrong body.. Forced to live that way I mean. I took a look at your pictures and they all look very nice! I love the facial expressions lol. 

Yes, but there were a few who became sworn virgins/male who finally felt themselves, according to the Wikipedia page. They were the few transgender men! They fit perfectly into becoming men. The rest felt forced and did it under family pressure, for better opportunities, they can use a gun and hunt, and of course go out into the world to make money and support the family. I thought this was so fascinating. While our culture forces people into small, stifling boxes of what gender should be, another culture is forcing people to be the gender they were not born into. Odd, upsetting for most involved, and fascinating...

Haha, and my face and many expressions! Thanks. I was 19!!! I feel so old.

I'm glad to hear that there were at least a few individuals that felt they fit the roles perfectly after all because it really isn't a fun feeling being forced into anything really as you can imagine. I feel like I shouldn't be so surprised though this goes on because I'm always looking at things online telling how other countries differ from the U.S. Everyone all over the world can be so different with their views. I agree that it's definitely fascinating.

 

You're very welcome and I'm turning 25 on the 9th lol. Time really flies after high school. xD