August 2, 2016 9:00 PM BST
Thanks for sharing, Donna.
I tend to believe there is a transgender scale/spectrum of how each individual feels. That person may need to chop wood and wear combat boots to deal with some male/masculine remnant feelings but another person like yourself doesn't need to and loves just looking forward, as you should, Donna! I love what you said, you can chop wood but it's just for the burner!
I don't know if transgender women sometimes feel inadequate, but it's safe to say from my experience as a cis woman, I've not felt woman enough. I'm probably not alone ("hashtag ciswomen problems" if we were on Twitter!) I've never felt male--just like the first answer, transgender women ALSO never truly feel male in the fullest sense (only cis men truly feel male to the fullest extent)...but I've not felt feminine enough, especially when our society is so steeped in gender stereotypes.
Could there be such a scale/spectrum that runs from cisgender to transgender? Where some people fit into some gray area? Do gender fluid and gender queer folks fit into this scale? I've never felt male, but what if I was one step away from being born a trans man? It's all about hormones in the mother's womb (among other mysterious factors), and it seems like I was born with and developed throughout life more testosterone than other cis women. I don't desire to be a mother and get pregnant, for instance. Never! I don't have a high pitched voice. I develop muscles--albeit feminine looking muscles--quite easily.
I can pretend to be more feminine: smile more, open my eyes more and raise my eyebrows, move and bend my wrists more, giggle, walk more girly, make a high pitched voice...but it is just not me. It's SO not me. When I see a group of guys, I can easily approach them and start shooting the breeze, talk about the latest superhero movie, crack dirty jokes. When I see a group of girls, suddenly I feel inadequate, deathly shy, and I'm studying how they talk and laugh and carry on. They're talking about designer shoes and makeup--I could care less! So I'm stuck somewhere in the middle: I don't feel like a man, but I'm not outwardly that feminine either. I think that's why I was super attracted to my husband. He's not a macho man, he's an artist, he's sensitive, he can definitely express his feminine side (vents to me about his work, cries during sad movies) even though he's cis. I think we both have androgynous personalities (I know I have one from taking two separate online BSRI surveys). I'm highly masculine (risk taker, go-getter, etc) and feminine (more compassionate and empathetic) when it comes to personality.
The funny thing is, you can be a cisgender or transgender woman, yet have a masculine side to your personality...it still doesn't mean you're a man! I think the moral of the story here is that everyone in the world is different and special, and their own unique blend of who they are. The challenge is to discover yourself and do what feels right to you, develop a sense of confidence*, and live your true authentic self no matter what society says and no matter what the social stereotypes are.
*still a work in progress for me when it comes to being around a bunch of chicks. Haha!
August 3, 2016 8:21 AM BST
Hi Lisa,
Guess we we are all works in Progress ;-),-I often think its a shame that some people and parts of society dont get this and would prefer to stop progressing and remain in the past.For me being Transgendered as a Transexual is declaring that I dont want to progress along a path determined by other peoples expectations of me as male.The biggest thing in a transgendered person is getting that space and time to develop and express yourself to counteract what for me was the false imposition of birth Gender.Must get on today I got of work to do , garden harvest of plums,gooseberries and beans to process ,House work and making a water feature sculpture [Art Commision].
August 3, 2016 11:29 AM BST
As far as the gray area goes, I know sometimes I've questioned myself being bigender. I'm either one extreme or the other in that case. I guess I would put it as, I mentioned how there was one guy I was willing to be a girl for. Well, that girl side of me was pretty much house-wife material. (Ugh....) Whereas my male side is all masculine and would want his girl to be feminine. I often questioned if me being bigender was actually a split personality, but it wasn't. (At least, I wasn't diagnosed as such).
I agree with Donna that we're all works in progress. I keep working towards being "man enough" but I'm not sure when or if I'll actually get there.
The only case I can think of as far as me wanting to be "woman enough" is with sibling rivalry and breast size way back before I came out as trans. Always wanting to look absolutely perfect like the people I saw online. Of course, coming out as a transman, I realized that bigger breasts are the last thing I want lol.
August 5, 2016 9:14 PM BST
Beautifully and succinctly stated, Donna. It is a shame that some people go through life without looking inward, they have blinders on...or they live in denial, or they don't deal with their insecurities and therefore put others down or bully others. Change of subject ---> Oooh, I want what's in your garden!
Kris, you are still so young in the scheme of things, I like what Donna said about getting that space and time to develop and express yourself to counteract that false imposition of birth gender. We are definitely all works in progress no matter what gender we are. Because you FEEL you are a man, THAT should be enough to make you feel "man enough." Whoa! That's my philosophical musing for today! Or did I sound more like Yoda?! Basically, fulfilling stereotypes don't make the man or woman. You are enough because you are a man. I should be enough because I am a woman. In the end we're all human, and that is enough. Okay, now my head's hurting