Hello everyone,
I'm new to the site so don't really know what I'm doing but here gose.
Need to start this off with abit about myself.
So for the last 3 and a half years I've been liveing on campus at my university, while there I started liveing as a girl full time, and felt really happy, made some amazing Freinds, and had the best time of my life, "even if I was shitting bricks every time I stepped outside as myself"
I'm not going to go into too much deitlas about this part as its a long story and complecated, but when I go "home" to mum and dad I protend to be a guy agin. I have told them I'm trans but they think it's a phase. ATM it easier to just keep acting for them, it's something I'm working on overcomei h but will take time and a plan.
Now my coure at uni dosent require me to be on campus, and all my loans are payed up my class and I, have all gone back to our homes.
The thing that really has me confused ATM is my Gender disphoria, it would hit me a fair bit at uni and I would fall in and out of depression now and then due to it.
But since I've mived back home my disphoria has gone away, not 100% but I'd say around 90%, I'm not "happy" but I'm ok, hard to explain. This is the longest I've been with out a wave of disphoria hitting me, and it kind has me freaked out. I've never questioned wether or not I was trans before but now the idea is slowly creeping in, and I'm just confused about everything.
Mybe it's just to do with life right now, before I moved home, I was content, I had rutines and knew what was going to happen later down the line, I could be myself 100% and had freedom.
Now I'm back home things are very Unknown, I'm haveing trubble finding jobs, I don't know what I want to do in life or what I can do, I won't be able to live on my own with out a job and it will be years before I can afford that even if I had a one.
Mybe it's because of this major shift in my life that's has brought this confusion on, like my mind can only handle so much at a time and has but my trans stuff on hold for now "or mybe that's complete rubbish" I don't know
Sorry if this is just mad rambling of a confused girl, but I don't have anywhere eles to vent really, I'm just looking for advice or info, I'm I going mad? Is this kind thing normal etc
Sorry if I'm not makeing scenes here it's hard to get my thoughts clear.
Feel free to ask me whatever I'm very open :)
Thanks you.