Forum » Gender Society Public Forums » General Forum » Confused about...well everything!

Confused about...well everything!

Tags : None
  • Hello everyone,

    I'm new to the site so don't really know what I'm doing but here gose.

    Need to start this off with abit about myself.

    So for the last 3 and a half years I've been liveing on campus at my university, while there I started liveing as a girl full time, and felt really happy, made some amazing Freinds, and had the best time of my life, "even if I was shitting bricks every time I stepped outside as myself"

    I'm not going to go into too much deitlas about this part as its a long story and complecated, but when I go "home" to mum and dad I protend to be a guy agin. I have told them I'm trans but they think it's a phase. ATM it easier to just keep acting for them, it's something I'm working on overcomei h but will take time and a plan.


    Now my coure at uni dosent require me to be on campus, and all my loans are payed up my class and I, have all gone back to our homes.

    The thing that really has me confused ATM is my Gender disphoria, it would hit me a fair bit at uni and I would fall in and out of depression now and then due to it.

    But since I've mived back home my disphoria has gone away, not 100% but I'd say around 90%, I'm not "happy" but I'm ok, hard to explain. This is the longest I've been with out a wave of disphoria hitting me, and it kind has me freaked out. I've never questioned wether or not I was trans before but now the idea is slowly creeping in, and I'm just confused about everything.

    Mybe it's just to do with life right now, before I moved home, I was content, I had rutines and knew what was going to happen later down the line, I could be myself 100% and had freedom.

    Now I'm back home things are very Unknown, I'm haveing trubble finding jobs, I don't know what I want to do in life or what I can do, I won't be able to live on my own with out a job and it will be years before I can afford that even if I had a one.

    Mybe it's because of this major shift in my life that's has brought this confusion on, like my mind can only handle so much at a time and has but my trans stuff on hold for now "or mybe that's complete rubbish" I don't know

    Sorry if this is just mad rambling of a confused girl, but I don't have anywhere eles to vent really, I'm just looking for advice or info, I'm I going mad? Is this kind thing normal etc


    Sorry if I'm not makeing scenes here it's hard to get my thoughts clear.

    Feel free to ask me whatever I'm very open :)
    Thanks you.

      July 19, 2017 3:09 PM BST
    0
  • 1 146
    Hi Jessica,
    You are no more confused than most of the people around you,Trans or otherwise.You are making sense to me , because you can describe and sense your situation.Overall you seem to be expressing an apprehension for your future, which is quite normal, given the often abrupt transition from Uni life to ......building an engagement with a much wider life including work.Maybe it's just a time to take big deep breaths and enjoy the Summer,look around you at all the other people who have their own confusions and compromises.their own Dysphorias.Just give yourself Time.It actually can take quite a while for a Transgendered persons Personality and identity to develop.You will be alright
    <p>Donna_V</p>
      July 20, 2017 9:42 AM BST
    0
  • Hi Jessica,

     

    Welcome.

     

    The thing about our parents is that we want to please them and make them happy.  Thats natural.  Also, home is about routine and what you know.  It is safe.  So you are in a safe place, with people who love you and it is a place where you have lived as a male for some time.  It is a safe routine.  This is very attractive given the uncertainty you face in the future.  As Donna says, enjoy it.  Think of it as a calm eye of the storm.  Life isn't easy, nore is trying to be yourself.  If that is you in the photo, then I would say you look very pretty and natural.  I can see the girl more than I can imagine you as a boy.  But no matter what I say, or your parents or anybody else.  Be true to yourself.

     

    Thats all I have.

     

    Alice.

      July 20, 2017 10:24 PM BST
    0
  • Hi Alice, thanks for the comment, that's a really good way of putting it "eye of the storm" thanks for that. And yes that is me but had my hair and face done proffecaily by a freind of mine, I don't looks that good every day haha. Aspecialy not with 5 0'clock shadow every other day haha
      July 21, 2017 1:07 AM BST
    0