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  • Topic: ALL HOPE IS GONE =(

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    • November 29, 2017 4:07 PM GMT
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      ALL HOPE IS GONE =(

        Why? Why did I have to be born like this?  I have finally hit the lowest part in life and am struggling to keep my chin up.  I am in a relationship with a ciswomen who hates that I am trans.  I have a mother who doesn't understand or support my decision.  I have no options... if I leave my wife I have nowhere to call home.  No one will look into how I am suffering and put themselves into my shoes.  My wife says she feels bad and wishes there was something she could do but she is one of the people who doesn't want me to take HRT. All the people in my life just want to look the other way when it comes to this issue but seem to be very opinionated about my other medical issues that I am ignoring because I just don't care anymore.  I am letting myself die because I feel all hope is lost.  I have a therapist and even she doesn't know what to say. Have any of you ever had similar problems?

    • November 29, 2017 8:26 PM GMT
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      Must be very hard...but keep your chin up...things will get better. You have no choice.

    • November 30, 2017 1:30 AM GMT
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      Question for you Julie?

       

      Did you just drop the bomb on everyone all at once?

       

      Best wishes always...

       

      Traci xoxo

    • November 30, 2017 1:56 PM GMT
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       I would not just drop a bomb like that.  My wife knew that I was CD but we never discussed it any further and my mother has known for the last 10 years.  I know that it is a very difficult issue for some people to wrap their head around but when you don't do any kind of research to help your loved one, then what?  I am not right in my head and my heart but all my loved ones care about is my overall health.  As much as I appreciate that I need a little more.  My wife would support me if something medically caused me to have to remove my male bits and pieces but why not when I feel they don't belong in the first place?  She is not attracted to females but if I developed gynecomastica she would be supportive. I just don't understand why no one wants me to be happy.  I am trying to keep everyone else happy, where is my support?

    • November 30, 2017 4:54 PM GMT
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      Hi Julie...my wife and family and I had similar reactions and for the longest time I could not understand why they couldn't "understand" what I was going thru.  They simply do not embrace it at all, but somehow I was able to hold the marriage together almost 10 years downstream.  I truly love my wife and vice versa and I wanted "my cake and eat it too".  She would be totally unhappy in an lesbian relationship and all as well...but what I did not recognize was seeing it all thru their eyes.  They would stand to lose a husband, a father, and all that that had meant to them.  Nobody wanted this outcome...so despite my reassurances that even though I'd physically morph and look different, I was still the exact same person inside that they always knew and loved.  Nothing would change there.  Hormones do not make you a different person, they just align yourself with "yourself".  It took a lot of time and plenty of tearful and very difficult conversations, but eventually we came to some agreements, compromises if you will, that allowed us to remain together.  With over 8 years of estrogen running my endocrine system, a ton of inner turmoil evaporated to where I no longer HAD to live 24x7 as me.  I simply was ME regardless of how I presented.  I learned to accept and love myself just the way I am and we knew that our marriage could remain intact, but only with a set of compromises.  While not perfect, it was enough for me and worth the sacrifices in order to hold us together.  Basically the compromises consisted of me agreeing to not appearing as "Traci" around the house in front of her and also our common circle of friends and neighbors.  In return, she gives me daily space to pursue whatever.  I am retired and have the luxury of ample free time.  So I'm out and about daily in femme and have developed my own circle of friends and interests.  She is also OK with me traveling to events and meeting up with others.  But I have morphed both externally and internally and am comfy presenting in drab or femme and when with her, appear mostly androgynous.  Either way I look, I'm just in a happy place.  

      So I'd suggest, rather than a "must win" approach with your family, have discussions that work toward suitable compromises that gradually allow you to climb toward your goals.  Over time you can add this or that and inch your way forward.  To me at least, this seems a far more reasonable solution than to just put it out there in an "all or nothing" situation.  That is if you desire to keep your marriage and family intact!

      I hope this is helpful and wish you the best going forward!

      Traci xoxo

    • December 1, 2017 8:40 PM GMT
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      Wow, deja vu. It was actually 11 years ago this week I first told my wife what was going on with me. I had unbeknownst to her been on hormones for a year and a half at that point, and yes, there was some breast growth occurring. If you do a search in the forums for "The Evolution of Marsha"  https://gendersociety.com/forums/topic/4768/the-evolution-of-marsha , that's me when I had a different profile here, you can read about my journey with my family all the way up to my surgery in Bangkok. It's not all sugar coated and rosy, it's the real deal.

      But here I am 11 years later, 7 years post op, and now 2 years divorced but with my family still supportive, now being able to tell you for me it was worth it. Like you, I wanted my family and friends to be excited about my transition and happiness, but early on it wasn't there. One of the biggest things I learned in my transition is that we do not transition alone. Everyone in our lives also must transition along with us, except they did not have a choice in the matter. Instead they are forced to go through our transition, and because of that just like us, they must make life changing decisions on how they will live their own lives from that point forward. So put away the selfish be happy for me attitude, and instead, step into their shoes for a moment and attempt to understand what they are going through.

      I don't know you, and therefore can't say one way or another if a full transition is right or wrong for you. I can only recommend you do some serious soul searching and should you choose to proceed with transitioning, you understand and need to be prepared for the worst, the loss of family, friends, work and finances, and pray to God it doesn't happen to you.

      Transition is not fun and games. I consider myself fortunate to have successfully transitioned and now living a rather normal and productive life as most women do. But even with that said, still today I say I wish I could have been born normal. Nobody wants to be trans.

      ____________________________________

      Just living my dream in paradise :)

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