Forums Gender Society Public Forums Coming Out
  • Topic: I guess... here I am.

    Back To Topics
    (0 rates)
    • August 19, 2018 8:42 PM BST
      • Post(s)
        2
      • Thank(s)
        0
      • Thanked
        0
      • cR(s)
        0 0

      I guess... here I am.

      Hi everyone - I think as little as three weeks ago I didn't imagine I'd be here doing this. But... here I am having told all the important people in my life (well outside of family) that I'm transgendered, I always have been, and that I'm seeking to be referred to a gender therapist.

      I'm 35 years old now... I was first on this site under another name 10 years ago, when I had just come out to my girlfriend who was incredibly supportive. I didn't know the way life was going to go from then. My girlfriend became very very ill, both physically and mentally, before suddenly passing away just under 3 years ago. Something I am honestly still working through. She was just 32 and she was so wonderful, and became so not herself, incredibly so near the end. It's been so tough.

      The bi-product of all this was my girl side never got a real opportunity to breathe. Eventually she got put in a box. Life was complicated enough. I got depressed without really realizing it and completely let myself go. I hated what I saw in the mirror so I stopped looking in the mirror. I just... I dunno. I drifted for years. I kind of accepted that life would never be what I imagined it. 

      Now I'm 35, nearly 3 years out from my gf dying and I think I've reached a point where it's do or die... that is where my depression is. I feel like I have lost everything... but I want to gain back myself. 

      So I told all my close friends. Spent two weeks doing it. Everyone has been accepting and supportive. Astonished - I don't present in any discernible way as trans. I guess I've hidden it so well, even from myself. But it's who I am. I've known since I was 12, and it's been there since I was 6. I'm Sarah... I just don't know what kind of Sarah I am. I've never believed transition to be realistic for me. But now... I don't have any excuses. In any case... I am out of the closet now. Not sure there is any going back. 

      Which is terrifying and exciting all at once. But these are my first steps. And it's nice to be back. 10 years ago everyone was lovely here. I wish I'd stayed and explored this all better. But I am happy to do it now. There is a long road ahead of me and a lot of work to be done, and I'm hopeful I'll get some help and make some friends here along the way. 

       

       

    • August 19, 2018 9:31 PM BST
      • Post(s)
        33
      • Thank(s)
        33
      • Thanked
        3
      • cR(s)
        0 0

      Untitled title

      Good luck Sarah, just aim to be the best Sarah that you can be, and be happy with that. A xx
    • August 20, 2018 11:16 AM BST
      • Post(s)
        1,617
      • Thank(s)
        5
      • Thanked
        120
      • cR(s)
        59 0

      Untitled title

      Welcome back Sarah, I'm still here after more than 10 years!

      Good luck on your journey.

      xx

      ____________________________________
      "One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman."
    • August 22, 2018 10:58 PM BST
      • Post(s)
        2
      • Thank(s)
        0
      • Thanked
        0
      • cR(s)
        0 0

      Untitled title

      Hi Angharrad - Thank you :) I will try to be the best Sarah I can. 

      Hi Lucy - I remember you (your name stands out!) - you welcomed me warmly then too, thank you.

       

    • September 13, 2018 11:03 PM BST
      • Post(s)
        167
      • Thank(s)
        7
      • Thanked
        11
      • cR(s)
        2 0

      Untitled title

      Hi Sarah

      Remarkably I have also been here for over 10 years. I have not had such misfortune and so have avoided being thrown into the deepest despair, but I have and continue to endure the gloominess of living afraid in the closet. You are young, don't ever forget but do chase Sarah and run everywhere with her.

      Rachel

      ____________________________________

      Always a woman but never a girl

    • September 19, 2018 10:19 PM BST
      • Post(s)
        86
      • Thank(s)
        2
      • Thanked
        17
      • cR(s)
        7 0

      Untitled title

      Welcome Sarah,

      I am sorry that you have lost somebody dear to you, but it is great that you are moving on.

       

      :)

    • September 28, 2018 8:52 PM BST
      • Post(s)
        2,317
      • Thank(s)
        189
      • Thanked
        373
      • cR(s)
        215 -18

      Untitled title

      Welcome back Sarah, I feel like I have been here forever,   It's hard to empathise with someone who has lost somebody they loved and were loved in return. unless one has been through the same thing, I'm sure your GF would be proud of you, with a ''live your life to be happy''

      ____________________________________
      Cristine Jennifer Shye B.acc. BL (GS Admin) Tongue out





      Don't get angry
      when others are talking behind your back... because they're just proving
      that your life is obviously more interesting than theirs.

    Icon Legend and Forum Rights

  • Topic has replies
    Hot topic
    Topic unread
    Topic doesn't have any replies
    Closed topic
    BBCode  is opened
    HTML  is opened
    You don't have permission to post or reply a topic
    You don't have permission to edit posts
    You don't have permission to delete posts
    You don't have permission to approve new posts
    You don't have permission to make a thread sticky
    You don't have permission to close a thread
    You don't have permission to move a thread

Add Reputation

Do you want to add reputation for this user by this post?

or cancel