Forum » Gender Society Public Forums » Passing in public » Dressing up or Blending in?

Dressing up or Blending in?

Tags : None
  • Recently I’ve been going out dressed again on a fairly regular basis - in the daytime - doing normal stuff. The main purpose is to build up my confidence and interacting skills again. Skills I had lost during my lengthy hiatus.

    Since starting out, I have been reviewing my wardrobe versus those of the women I pass in the street. My first reaction was that generally I was over-dressed. Most women dress fairly casually – some smart casual but casual and those who are more formally dressed are generally office workers, bank employees or chemist shop girls. Only a relatively few women wear dresses or skirts but, of course, I knew this beforehand I’m not so naïve.

    Nevertheless, my personal preference is to dress up. Always in a classy dress or skirt suit or skirt and top, never in pants and never in jeans – in fact I would find no joy in going out casually dressed. I think I pass reasonably well but I’m sure I don’t pass 100% of those who see me or interact with me – but my attitude is, and always has been, that I never want to look androgynous. Also I like to think if I fail to pass those who read me will at least be impressed by my style.

    I think if I were living full time as a woman my attitude towards dressing up would be quite different and blending in would seem more comfortable but I get enough casual time in male mode. In fact in male mode I actually prefer to be fairly non-descript wearing navy continuously and avoiding male dress ups – a perfect candidate for “Queer Eye…”.

    However I am struck by the notion that my dressing habits are very tranny. But then I am a tranny and, in the dressing sense

    But how do you dress in daytime? Like Miss Girl Next Door or Mrs Average Housewife? Or do you dress like an up to date version of Joan Collins from Dynasty? Or if you haven’t ventured out yet how would you prefer to dress?

    Fiona

    I am quiet but I am thinking. I am silent but don't mistake me for a stone.
      September 19, 2004 11:28 AM BST
    0
  • i've been going out "en femme"for a while now fiona.I personally try not to look too out of place,normally dressing in a skirt and top..sometimes a smart suit.I feel that you should go out dressed in whatever makes you feel comfortable and at ease with yourself.i'd never go out in jeans cos i wouldnt feel right.I always try to look as femme as possible.I havent been "read" yet so i must be doing something right.love maria x
    "When the world gets in my face i say HAVE A NICE DAY"
      September 19, 2004 11:46 AM BST
    0
  • Everything I have read indicates that being relaxed is the best way to not be read. Tense people get looked at. Sets off some kind of primitive group threat alert or something. So what makes you comfortable would be a good choice.

    I have paid a lot of attention to "what ggs wear" while out doing errands. Surprisingly, I see a lot more in skirts and dresses than I had been led to believe by some posts. In fact, I was in the market late afternoon/dinnertime this week and saw at least three women dressed in evening wear. Two in floor length skirts and heels. I immediately tried to "read" them and damned if they weren't really ggs...one was pushing a baby in a cart in a black evening gown and heels...one in a black cocktail dress and sandles..the third in an evening gown, sans baby. This was in the time it took me to buy half a cart of groceries. Nobody was paying them much attention, except me, because I checked that too. However I once read a t girl in an evening gown in the checkout line and I remember it was because she was nervous and it drew my attention...and she was good, I mean I had to ask my gg gf at the time and she wasn't sure at first either, despite the girls height in heels. The nervousness tipped the balance. Since we were both experienced in security work, we were not staring directly and so that was not the cause of her nervousness.

    I'd say go with what makes you feel comfortable and like a woman and avoid outfits with flashing lights. If evening wear passes in the canned food isle, I'm sure skirts will.
    "A live lived in fear is a life half-lived." - Native American proverb. "Inside every man is a woman who was drowned in testosterone before birth". - Wendy Jeanette Larsen "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." - Andre Gide (French writer)
      September 19, 2004 2:12 PM BST
    0
  • Wendy, I've been told off (I think) in another thread for discussing what women wear to the supermarket so I was pleased to hear your unbiased view. Maybe it depends where you live, what class of supermarket you go to etc. but despite what has often been said in these forums, women do not necessarily wear jogging pants and sweatshirts or equally casual attire because they are only going shopping. At least not in this town. It has been suggested that we should dress down in order to blend in. Well, I went shopping today (Sunday), I saw one woman wearing jogging pants (but a lovely top) who I later saw outside getting onto a pushbike, so a practical reason there. Some women were in jeans, all very smart I might add, some in dresses, but the majority were in skirts and tops. The point is, women wear what they like, and what they feel good in, and so should we. There are no "rules" for dressing as a woman, it's a personal expression thing. Like many of my female friends, I simply hate wearing trousers, and never intend to when dressed, even if I did have a bike to ride. I must say though, that evening dresses are rarely seen whilst shopping, even in this town, where do you do your shopping Wend? I must go there sometime!
    Anyway Fiona, how do I dress in the daytime? Like any other girl, just how I feel.
    xx
      September 19, 2004 11:26 PM BST
    0
  • 166
    yeah-hmm -nervous- and what the hell!? I realise some "girls are petite (and) sooo passable, so where's the anxiety? I'd love to believe I was passable, yet perhaps I should try the appearance level of women less concerned with appearence, in order to pass!? Probs is I'm soo tall I stick out reguardless. It bothers Me that in the world where I try to disreguard the overt appearance of others I'm so fearfull of their judgement of Mine. ohh-the sad-too tall TV-"girl"- ,,,,,,,,,,,I love to, mimic, to aspire, to improve, I know that I compare in looks to most real women I meet daily, yet the anxiety remains- hmm(society)-hehe- and Yer -thoughts-? xx"K"
    ..he just can't help "Herself" ..
      September 20, 2004 8:10 AM BST
    0
  • I like skirts and they look good on me, so I hardly use jeans or other pants. My office look is a skirt and a sweater or a t-shirt. Most of my female collegues wear trousers, but they say they WOULD wear skirts if they had my legs. But there are some girls here in the office wearing skirts, among others two other Lauras.

    Laura
      September 20, 2004 8:52 AM BST
    0
  • Actually, lucy, it was in a middle class neighborhood, mostly houses, some apartment buildings, schools, small shops and stuff. Of course, this *is* L.A. and we do dress on different rules than the rest of the U.S. For example, coats and ties are not required in most restraunts here and there is more latitude in dress. Nobody looks twice if I wear a pink Polo shirt en homme....unless I'm in West Hollywood. It is hard to imagine why a woman pushing a baby would be in a gown and heels buying groceries before dinner...unless her hubby/bf was about to take her out...but three women? Guess they had to get ready for a night out early enough to be ready.
    "A live lived in fear is a life half-lived." - Native American proverb. "Inside every man is a woman who was drowned in testosterone before birth". - Wendy Jeanette Larsen "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." - Andre Gide (French writer)
      September 20, 2004 12:18 PM BST
    0
  • Maria - yes, I agree and I do wear what I feel comfortable in.

    So far as what most women around wear - I suppose it does depend where you are at the time. I guess if I went to the CBD there would be more women more formally dressed. My own district is fairly middle class - but it may be a feature of Aussie dress habits that women tend to dress less in skirts and dresses.

    Wendy - I think confidence, carrying yourself and behaving in a confident manner is the key to passing or, at least the key, feeling less challenged. For myself I actually feel best when I have a rather couldn't care less attitude.

    Fiona
    I am quiet but I am thinking. I am silent but don't mistake me for a stone.
      September 20, 2004 12:53 PM BST
    0
  • It really is a matter of your locality as awell as your comfort level. Where I live currently, I look more like a business woman than the gg's running around do. But on weekends, it's definitely casual clothing, becasue this is a part of the country where folks only dress fancy for work or church on the weekends.

    And sometimes, they dress casually for church!

    Luv 'n hugs,

    Mina Sakura
    "Almost-Angel, T-Girl Genius, and Ultra-Flirt"
    Living as the woman I am!
      September 21, 2004 7:48 PM BST
    0
  • Gloria

    Here are my legs.

    Laura
      September 22, 2004 10:39 AM BST
    0
  • 74
    Hi Fiona,
    I have 2 passions in life....shopping and hitting the clubs. At a club I generally dress towards the vampish.I like to be noticed. This is what I enjoy most and because I'm happy in what I'm wearing I feel relaxed and confident. At the shops it's a slightly different matter. It depends where I go shopping. For example my favourite place is Camden, London as it has all the things I like. I could probably get away with just about anything when I'm there but it always involves a tube ride.I therefore dress down a little, actually alot!..I wear things like combats and a funky t-shirt as would many of the other real girls. It's just a case of blending in a little. It's still the same thrill though.

    At the end of the day as so many have already commented it's how comfortable you are in your selection. There is no point in wearing something you don't like just to fit in...I don't know any girl who does!

    Ne X
      September 27, 2004 8:21 AM BST
    0
  • Me i'm a bit like Nena except for the Goth look.....i like the tart look when i'm out clubbing (plenty of leg and lots of arse showing).
    When trying to blend in i go for the casual look ie: jeans, nice top's and boot's.......so there you have it, i dress like other women mine and Nenas age........love JJ xx
    JULIE Warrior Maiden of Valhalle
      September 27, 2004 3:35 PM BST
    0
  • Hi Nena & Julie,

    Thanks for your replies. It is a matter of time and place - and how old you are [thanks for reminding me ]. I think if I was younger there's stuff I'd like to wear - but I don't think I'd get away with it or feel comfortable at my age.

    So in that sense I do try hard to blend in. So you are right there you have to dress for your age.

    Fiona

    I am quiet but I am thinking. I am silent but don't mistake me for a stone.
      October 2, 2004 2:17 PM BST
    0
  • I have been living full-time as a woman for nearly a year now. During that time, my habits haven't changed much. I typically dress somewhat better than most people, but I (usually) try not to be too far out of the norm. At work, anything from grubby jeans to a nice business suit is acceptable; I usually dress more like the professional office girl (I am a professional, and I dress the part). I haven't worn jeans since the last time I went out as a male. I seldom wear pants - typically about once a week on average. Normally, I wear skirts, skirt-suits, or dresses. For cold winter days, I have a lovely mink jacket which goes well with nice clothes. I have been wearing it in the morning lately. On weekends and vacations, I dress down a little, but I still want to look good. The only time when I dress very casually is when I go hiking.

    Sometimes - usually when going to parties or special events, I will wear a very fancy outfit or something with an exotic or ethnic look.

    Heather H.
    It is pitch black. You are likely to be eaten by a grue.
      October 15, 2004 2:56 AM BST
    0