I just wanted to add some recent dealings I have had with men.

I am the first to admit that I have never understood them, but I have to relise that the way I have delt with them in the past is changing.

Recently I was out at a club with some of my male friends. I was the last to arrive [as always ] so I had to find a stool. I found one and was dragging it back to the table when an old guy grabbed it. I said to him that it was mine, he said he knew. He still held on to it. I figured he was drunk and didn't relise I wasn't going to give in to him so I said it again and again to make three times. To which he replied "I know love" It was then I relised what was going on. He was trying to be a gentlman and move the heavy stool for little ole me. I mean it had to be too hard for me to do on my own as I was dragging it! [i used to work there and knew the best way to move them without alot of effort was to drag them.] He had to do it as the men I was with weren't gentlemanly enough to do it for me. He wanted nothing more than to help a lady with her chair. The guys that I was with are still not quite used to thinking of me as female, although this inccident helped.

So this highlighted to me that men now think of me as someone to help. That it is good for there manhoods to do. I have always relied on male help for the things girls need help with or have little interest. When I was a truckdriver with the army, if there was tasks to be divided up the ones involing not getting dirty, paperwork or supervising went to me and the vehicle servicing went to the others. Even things I was supposed to know about and how to do them I was able to get a guy to do for me.

Another incident was when a friend of mine. I met him in the pub I worked in, in the Uk. He is only 19 and not long had his licence and has never serviced a vehicle. He and another mate who I also worked with are buying a bus to drive around Oz in. I went with him to see if the bus was ok or not. At one point I said to him that he would need to paint it. The guy selling it said I could paint flowers all up the side, then proceaded to get all technical with my friend, who looked at me blankly. The guy was dumbfounded when it was me who asked all the technical questions and knew what I was talking about. I then told him that I am a qualified off road driving instructor for truks up to 12 tonne. So I learned how some men view women when it comes to all things motory. Hey I may hay had the guys do it for me mostly when I was in the army but I had to know it to, just in case there was a boss about!

I know its another long winded post from me but understanding these things and how you react to them will greatly effect how you pass. If was to have started with the guy about all my experience with trucks and busses he would have viewed me very different from letting him say what he did and gently telling him about what I knew. I think the sutlety was they key to not being read when talking about what is seen as a very male subject.

Wnedy,

I'm afraid to say that I was too taken back at first to think properly and probably letf thinking I was a bitch or something. I'm not [well I wasn't being one then],its just I wasn't expecting it. When I sat down the guys asked me what that was all about? I told them that "he was just trying to be a gentleman and help me with my stool, something that you all could have done for me" They all sort of thought that it would be a good idea to remember that sort of thing for the future to avoid repeats. They don't want some old guy making them look bad in front of the women assembled. Me they didn't worry about they weren't trying to pull me!

Since I transitioned, I have witnessed behavior which I would have found very strange in the past. The thought of one incident keeps coming back to me. After obtaining my concealed weapon permit, I went to the gun store to buy a small revolver I could put in my purse. The guy at the gun counter was very helpful (this is at a gun store where no man seems to get good service) and he proceeded to talk in very basic terms, of course assuming that a woman would know very little about guns. When he saw how I handled the guns, he was a little surprised (I handled them like I knew what I was doing, even checking each one to make sure it wasn't loaded and pointing them away from people). Then, as we pursued the subject further, he was very surprised to learn that I have more guns than he does, and one of them is a .44 Magnum revolver which I shoot frequently and handle without a problem (actually, big tough guys usually have trouble with these guns, while little wimps can often handle them well). I am sure he thought it unusual that a woman would be so familiar with guns and so comfortable with them. He even hit on me a little (and obviously didn't read me). The whole experience was perhaps a little weird, but on balance I appreciate the fact that I was treated with respect and got excellent service at the gun counter, which almost never happened when I was in the male role.

This was probably the best example of a man "acting like a man", but there have been other examples. I think in situations like this, it can sometimes help to be transgendered. Having some first-hand experience with how men think helps me when I am in these situations. If I work it right, I can often manipulate the situation to my advantage.

Heather H.

Fiona,

What a wonderful experience. If that had happend to me I would have had a sudden switch from being angry and getting "male-aggressive" to feeling very femme and probably trying not to cry with the delight of it. I hope he got a kiss on the cheek. It makes me wonder how much of my old, male independence was my trying to block out what part of me was really feeling about other guys trying to help me do something....sort of "Hey, I'm a guy, really, I'm very macho, I don't need your help!"

Men! Always thinking with the little head.