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When passing looses the thrill

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  • Passing isn't important to me, being accepted is and I do make that distinction. It has never been thrilling for me to go anywhere dressed, it has just felt completely normal. In drab I used to be concious of having to put on an act all the time, en femme I don't have to, I can just be me. So, rather than thrilling, it has been relaxing and normalising (is that even a word, lol).

    Nikki
    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      December 14, 2007 8:48 PM GMT
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  • So the therapist says "From now on I will expect you to live like a real woman and to dress like one as well". To which the TS girl replied."But I don't want to be rude and wear only blue jeans and tshirts".

    Just thought I would put that in here because I think that when I look at the women in the stores here I find that maybe one or two out of a thousand wear "womens" clothes anymore.
    To be honest I have dressed like a woman since I was a little boy. Tshirts and jeans.
    I prefer to pass rather then to blend in. If only blending in means not wearing womens clothes :)

    Stephenie :)
      September 27, 2009 8:21 AM BST
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  • as I threw out every bit of male clothing over 4 years ago and don't ever intend to wear any shape or form of pants/trousers ever again I have to say I'm glad there are a lot of of young and older women wearing skirts around my area...
    passing is dependant on whom I'm face to facing...bigotted black woman in railway station yesterday (don't give me any crap about being racist until you read about Jamaica trying to put an end to any sex on the island except natural penis into natural vagina and 7 years in jail for anything else) reading me and putting her ugly face on and deliberatly saying 'sir' after the ticket price. this is the second time she's done it and each time I've had to let it go cos the train was due but next time I use the train I'll go early and if she sirs me again she'lll be in deep s***...but in the last week I've been shopping several times, to a conference, to hospital appointment in taxis, buses and trains and invariably get the 'miss and love' without the stare that tells me I'm passing fine...what is annoying me now is that its the windy season and I think when the hair is blow back it shows my male pattern baldness but then people don't stare so maybe that's just a bit of residual TS paranoia.
    yesterday I called in our local open air concert arean and listened to the irish folk singers for a few moments along with a mainly teens and twenties audience and as usually I was invisible as even if they glance at me the impression is old woman... LOL
    I just have to be a bit careful around groups of teenage girls cos they really do minutely examine every woman.
      September 27, 2009 4:17 PM BST
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  • I went Out in public, for the first time, over three months ago. Since that time I have been trying to understand the feelings I had that day. I knew one thing was missing but could not put my finger on it. Today, after reading this thread, I understand what it was. It is wonderful how the people at TW, sharing their thoughts, feelings and experiences, over and over helps others to find their way. Thank you all for today, for me.
    "A live lived in fear is a life half-lived." - Native American proverb. "Inside every man is a woman who was drowned in testosterone before birth". - Wendy Jeanette Larsen "It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." - Andre Gide (French writer)
      September 27, 2009 8:52 PM BST
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  • Although jeans and t-shirts are common attire for many women, there are plenty of women wearing everything from colorful slacks, both feminine skirt and slacks suits, and appropriate skirts and dresses. During the summer most women around my area wear capris or shorts.

    A common issue I see amongst the CD/TV's as far as blending in is concerned is that they want to wear evening attire with full makeup in the middle of the day. There is no question it is rare to see a GG dressed that way during the day. As far as that goes it is rare to see a GG dressed for an evening out except on the traditional Friday and Saturday party nights.

    There will be some that say you should be able to wear what you want. Well yeah, but!!!! You are going to get those looks that drive you bonkers. I think it is too simple to say there is day and night appropriate clothing for women. Instead you need to take in account that there is work attire, after work attire, work around the house attire, work around the yard attire, evening social attire, and a list that goes on and on. So blending in does not need to include jeans and T's, but instead match the event that is taking place at the time of one's outing.

    Hugs,
    Marsha
      September 27, 2009 9:04 PM BST
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  • Pssst Rose
    It use to be called a "widows peak" Not male pattern baldness. You are a girl now LOL


    Stephenie
      September 29, 2009 12:08 PM BST
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  • "Loosing the thrill" is something I would love to experience. I can't get past the trembling, the heart pounding so loudly that I can't hear anything else, or the shear terror, to turn the doorknob and go out. But, to those girls who can I say BRAVO! You all give courage and confidence to those of us who are still dreaming.

    Hugs Jeri
    Jeri Elaine “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” - Irina Dunn, 1970 Indecision is the key to flexibility. - unknown
      September 29, 2009 12:32 PM BST
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  • 1195
    Jeri
    Here's a mantra for you.
    "If it isn't fun, don't do it."
    I enjoy dressing - even in grungy slacks and t-shirt - I even try limiting my makeup -wow-life is an adventure.
    hugs
    Gracie
    <p>If it isn't fun - don't do it.</p>
      September 29, 2009 3:27 PM BST
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  • Not to mention day time makeup vs. evening makeup, which are art forms in themselves!

    Traci
    <p>Traci</p>
      September 29, 2009 9:40 PM BST
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  • Losing the thrill...

    Y'know, it's a funny thing for me. I've been wearing women's clothing and makeup in public so much that it long ago lost any "thrill" for me. I still have to be careful, but since I live as a woman most of the time, it just is something else that genetic girls do...and thus, I do. I go out, do things, and come home, and it isn't all that thrilling. It's just another part of my day.

    Still...

    **grins**

    ... I remember that feeling, that feeling of being truly myself, in public. That rush of "Omigawd, I'm actually outside en femme and people can see me!!!" And every once in a while, I revisit that feeling inside. I'm going to post an article about a lunch I took last week; once posted I'll post a copy or link here as well.

    Luv 'n hugs,

    Mina
    Living as the woman I am!
      September 29, 2009 10:03 PM BST
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  • It's great to see this article resurface and I was considering whether things have changed for me.

    They haven't. There was never any 'thrill' to being in public at all, just a overwhelming sense of calm and good feeling knowing that this is how is was meant to be.

    Nikki
    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      September 30, 2009 2:15 PM BST
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  • When I first started going out fully dressed on my own (not with GGfriends) I admit I did get an enormous thrill as well as a great sense of achievement and pride out of it. The sheer thrill has gone over the years,and my heart no longer thumps like a hammer but I love going out dressed and being accepted as female, it's wonderful. Also as I plan to live full time as a woman going out dressed in different situations is great practice.
      January 6, 2010 11:06 AM GMT
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  • Funny you should say that.

    I took years to get myself out in public. Now that I have done it a few times, I find myself wanting to have something do once I leave the house. I can go to Wal-Mart or whatever and it no longer seems so exciting; I find myself trying to find some serious shopping to do in there.

    My next level of outing is to go shopping and actually interact with people. I am a bit old and a bit tall to pass so meeting folks ought to be a new experience and it makes me both nervous and excited. But, it's a next stage in the evolutionary process. Exciting is found in going forward.
      January 6, 2010 11:39 PM GMT
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  • Cathy, welcome to TW. I hope you find TW a good fit and make lots of friends here. I don't like hearing too old and too tall as an excuse to not go out. I happen to be a post 50 year old, 5'11" fulltime transsexual. There was a time I worried about my height and even my age but now I feel like I can use them to my advantage. First of all I believe as you age there is less expectations for you to have perfect skin. The biggest tip I can give anyone, male or female, is to use plenty of facial moisturizer with sunblock everyday and moisturize again after you clean your face before going to bed for the night. As for height, I am amazed at how many women are taller than me, with or without heels. I happen to be slender and have long legs that work well for me. Right now I am wearing 3" heel dress boots and don't give it a thought when I'm out. It is mind over matter. As for interaction, just go about your business and your confidence will build with experience. The thing is, don't fear what others might think or say. Laugh at your mistakes and move on.
    Best wishes,
    Marsha
      January 7, 2010 1:25 AM GMT
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  • Hi Cathy,

    I'm also a bit old and a bit tall to pass but I wish we were geographically closer. I'd love to go on a shopping trip with you.

    Welcome to TW,
    Melody
    <p><span style="color: #800080;">Girls will be boys and boys will be girls It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola</span> - Ray Davies, The Kinks</p> <p><span style="color: #3366ff;">(S)he's a walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction</span> - Kris Kristofferson</p>
      January 7, 2010 1:33 AM GMT
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  • Just thought about this, suprising how one progresses, Losing the thrill of handwashing those delicate items, now grabbing a six pack of panties cheap and a two bra pack, just so you can throw them in the washing machine on a daily basis, getting to the ordinary stage, lol, when at the begining everything depended on the delights of choosing underwear with great care and discernment. Now dependant on loved ones buying those special occasion undies for you on birthdays and christmas.

    Cristine
    Cristine Jennifer Shye.  B/L.  B/Acc
      January 7, 2010 4:09 PM GMT
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  • Hi Cathy,
    I was very shy about going out, but discovered that all my fears were just in my mind.
    Now, even though I'm not full time, and may not always pass, I can go shopping, to the bank, post office, out to eat
    without any problem. Alot depends upon your attitude and approach as you are going about your business.


    My mantra - Anyone I meet will be in my life but for a few minutes at best, (unless they are a friend), so I
    don't worry about their reactions too much. Obviously I take the same precautions that ggirls would.
    i.e. no dark alleys, etc for safety.

    Hugz and enjoy your new freedom,

    MichelleLynn

      January 14, 2010 3:45 AM GMT
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  • Mishelle i myself dont look at anyone.Just do my work.But many people here have nothing to do apart from disturbing and teasing.They can go to any extent.They are a menace and if possible should be wiped away.I personally can never compromise on self respect.As i have mentioned earlier our police and judiciary is the most insincere in the world.I dont want to have anything to do with these idiots,stupids or teasers but if necessary will have to do everything for my protection.If you keep quite it will only encourage these basta...
      January 14, 2010 2:08 PM GMT
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  • Just when you reach that point of feeling good about yourself regarding passing and all, reality rears it's ugly head and slaps you down! I went for a relatively lucrative job interview yesterday dressed in a modest business suit and looking very professional...the position was for an account executive at a multi billion dollar international firm based in Germany. The interview was local to me and they needed an experienced AE to handle a 3 state region which I've had much experience at...first couple of screenings were done by phone and all went well...
    When the interviewer came out to meet me, he froze in his tracks expecting to see the male version...he did invite me into his office and and it was all down hill from there....he focused more on me and transition rather than the obvious skill sets I could bring to him to help him succeed...I knew I was doomed as the interview was short and he said they would get back to me...they did today and I did not get the job...
    I guess I was naive in thinking that I could pass in the professional world or that people would accept ME, not the body...no one said it would be easy...and they are right!
    But for those of you that know me well, you'll know that I will lick my wounds, hitch up my knickers, and come back to live another day! But right now, I'm sulking and feeling not so sure of myself...
    Sorry...just had to get that out...
    Traci
    <p>Traci</p>
      January 14, 2010 5:29 PM GMT
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  • Hi Traci,

    Bummer.

    But, hey, you did it as Traci which is a good thing indeed. Consider it a dry run for the next interview. The job market being what it is, just getting an interview is an achievement. Most resumes get tossed in the waste basket unread.

    Feeling your pain,
    Melody
    <p><span style="color: #800080;">Girls will be boys and boys will be girls It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world except for Lola Lo-lo-lo-lo Lola</span> - Ray Davies, The Kinks</p> <p><span style="color: #3366ff;">(S)he's a walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction</span> - Kris Kristofferson</p>
      January 14, 2010 6:06 PM GMT
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  • 734
    Hey Traci, don't feel bad about not getting the job. Sounds very much like the real loser here is the firm that could have benefitted from your skills! Keep going as Traci and when you get the job you want it'll be for who you really are.
    Good luck.
    Rae xx
    www.raekelcou.com
      January 14, 2010 6:56 PM GMT
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  • Thnx Melody and Rae...appreciate that very much!
    Traci xxxx
    <p>Traci</p>
      January 14, 2010 9:10 PM GMT
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