I have come out to only three people before and not always with great success, but I have recently felt the need to come out to my family and this was how I did it. In order to do it justice, I first have to set the scene.

I have been separated now for 18 months and have spent that time exploring my cross dressing and going out to a local gay pub. The locals there are just so tolerant, understanding and even interested enough to want to talk to me about it. They have made me feel so welcome and comfortable, I have at last accepted and embraced my cross dressing.

Having been more open and finding more content with myself as a cross dresser, I started to realise that I needed to tell my family. Not because I felt they needed to know, but because I needed to tell them. It was a way of finally unburdening myself from the last remnants of secrecy and guilt that I have suffered with over the years. As one of six children, it wasn’t going to be easy, because we are spread all over the south east of England. As luck would have it, one of the few times we all get together is Christmas, so I made the decision to do it on Boxing day, right after lunch.

I set about planning on the best way to tell them. I felt that I needed to keep it short, or I would forget my lines. I wanted to memorise it because if I was reading it out, I wouldn’t be able to make eye contact and would miss their reactions. It also had to be informative of course and I wanted to try to perhaps elicit some sympathy for my plight as well. That might sound a bit self centred, but I honestly had no idea how they would react. One of my brothers is quite homophobic and we run the family business together, so that could have been a problem and I wanted to give myself a chance of surviving the ordeal I felt it was becoming for me. Lastly I wanted to try to pre-empt some questions they may have, but be too embarrassed to ask me, so in the end I settled for………..

Before we all start wandering off, there is something that I need you all to know.
Its not a big deal for me and I’m hoping its not going to be a big deal for you, but I need to tell you all that I am a transvestite. I’m telling you now because I think you deserve to hear it from me, before I let something slip or you discover it in another way. All my life I have kept it a secret and that is what has harmed me most of all. As a secret it has driven me close to madness. How ever your perception of me may or may not have changed, I implore you not to allow it to become your secret. Talk to each other, talk to me, talk to anyone. I hope you can all accept this revelation and treat me just as you have always done.

My plan didn’t quite go the way I intended because they weren’t all there at one time, then they started drifting about to do their own thing, so I had to pick them off in small groups. Four times I had to say it in the end, but each time I got a positive response and my confidence grew enough to spur me on to the next group.

Dad asked a few questions but was happy for me and joked about wanting to buy me some lingerie. Mum was just brilliant, she gave me a big hug and kiss for being so brave, and said she wanted to see my wardrobe. My Eldest brother said he would take me out the next time he was down, Elder sis said she wanted to come too, as did her two girls. My younger sis was in a hurry to meet some friends who had arrived earlier than expected, so it was difficult to judge how she took it, but she gave me a hug and a kiss before rushing off. My youngest brother gave me a hug and said “Well done mate, that cant have been an easy thing for you to do” Bless em all.

Finally, the brother I work with was a sight to be seen sitting in the armchair right opposite me. Fear was rapidly crossing his face and he tried to distance himself even more, by slowly moving his head back in horror at what he was anticipating. When I got to the “I’m not gay” bit, he stopped reacting, and then when I said I wasn’t going to work in a dress, he relaxed, shuddered a little and said “That’s ok, I have no problem with any of that.

After all that, I felt exhausted but calm for the first time that day. Gone was the sickness feeling I had in the pit of my stomach and relief was in its place. I haven’t seen my brothers and sisters the last few days, because they have all gone back to their homes, but mum has been round, checked out my wardrobe and announced “Well there’s nothing in there I would be ashamed to see you wearing.” And dad has surfed the internet and found the Beaumont Society. I had forgotten all about that place lol.

For me, the whole coming out thing was a scary prospect but ended as a positive event. Now I feel a great sense of calmness in my life and now I can start to do some of the things I want to do, without the fear of being caught out or having to invent lame excuses.

Wow, that's an incredible inspirational thread, I really admire your honesty, bravery and openess. I wish I were half as brave.

How lucky you are to have such a wonderful, understanding and supportive family.

I've only ever come out to one person, my late wife. I felt I had to tell her before we were married, and found the whole thing quite harrowing. We'd lived together for 18 months and I just hated 'keeping the secret', it was driving me nuts, made me feel almost unfaithful in a strange sort of way. LOL

Anyways she took the news remarkably well and 'confessing' as it seemed was actually easier than I thought it would have been. I'm glad i did it. Things went quite well and she turned out to be very supportive, maybe not overly enthusiastic, but very tolerant. All I guess i could have wished for.

In many ways I wish I had your courage to come out to other friends and family. Maybe one day ?

Great thread

Thanx Jayne.
When you feel ready, it will come to you im sure

Hello Mandy
The way you came out sounds interesting. And for you it seems to have worked.
When I left the closet, mainly because i wanted to socialise, I decided to tell my wife who told me she had known for at least 17 years. She told me to tell my son and daughter who lived with us. My daughter immediately accepted me and after a few days the son said he could accept it. My wife instructed me to bring all of my clothing out of hiding and told me to keep it in our bedroom. The only condition involved in this was that none of the three of them wanted to see me dressed. Later my marriage crumbled and I moved out of the family home.
No one other than a few good friends was informed about my dressing. When I was diagnosed as gender dysphoric and decided that I should transition I had to inform all close family members. This time my son, daughter and ex could not accept what I intended to do but my father, brother and sister all did.
It goes to show that coming out of the closet can effect people in different ways.

I wish you every success in your future dressing.
Alina xx

Hi and thanx Alina,
i had learnt from my previous mistake to be honest.
The first person I told was my wife and she took it very badly. She said she didnt want to know, would rather not have known etc etc so my attempt to share the secret and unburden myself of the guilt failed. She let me do it, but I still had to keep all my clothes hidden away and could only dress when she was out of the house, so the guilt stayed with me. She still married me none the less, but it all got to much for her. I never understood why because she never did see me. Still that was then and this is now and im happier than ever.

Dear Mandy
Im so pleased that telling your family who you really are was a very positive move for you.
Alinas comment that revealing your true self to loved ones and friends can effect each person in a different way is so true.
When our daughter first told us she was not the son we had raised for the last 27 years we were of course a little shocked but within moments we were hugging her and telling her how much we loved her.
Everyone reacts in different ways but that doesnt mean they dont care. Some people dont want to let go of the person they think they have known for years and accept change, its like a form of bereavement.

For my family it turned out to be for the better as we now have a daughter who is becoming more at ease being herself in our company. And we know her personallity more now than we have ever known it.

I wish you all the best for the future Mandy, and that wish goes to all the girls here too.

Love Dorothy

Hello and thanx Wendy.
I think you really touched a nerve when you said "I was prepared to lose everyone..." I was, it meant so much to me, I risked it all and ended up losing nothing.

Dorothy, you are indeed a rare bread of person. You are the person we all want our mums or SO's to be. Im so very pleased that you have gained a lovely daughter to be proud of.

Thank you both very much
Mandy
xxx

Thanx Kim

Thank you for your kind comments Mandy.

Yes I have do have a lovely daughter to be proud of and when you get to know the girls here it will become obvious that they are all lovely too. The amount of support and information that this community has is amazing.



Love Dorothy

Way to go Mandy! How nice it must be to have such a supportive family. I hope that one day I can find the courage to come out to all of my family as right now my SO is the only one who knows and she's more tolerant than supportive. I'm glad things worked out for you hon

Hugs & kisses,

Monika

Thanx Monika, it has been good so far, but i've been away on business for two weeks and there's another one to go yet, but then i'll be back home to catch up with everyone.

I do know Dad has surfed the internet and found the Beaumont Society website, so he has a bit more of an understanding of what I am. Mind you, i hate to think how many porn sites he went into before finding it if he typed in "Transvestite." Mum came round a few days later to see my wardrobe, and after we had drunk some tea and talked for a bit, we pulled a few things out of my wardrobe so she could get a better look. After a few hours of talking and rummaging she finally announced "Well there's nothing in there I would be ashamed of seeing you wear." so I went over and gave her a huge hug for giving me her approval. Big sis keeps texting me to see if i have plans for the weekend and she has even asked about the best places to shop, bless. She's also still keen to come over one weekend so we can have a night out together. That's gonna be fun. I've not heard much from any of the others on the subject yet, but I have spoken to most of them. Even the brother i work with hasn't reacted at all, so i guess its ended up much better than i feared it would.

The morning after I came out, I woke up feeling different. I couldn't put my finger on it then, but I did realise that my secret was gone and so was most, if not all, of the guilt i had carried all these years. i'm no longer quiet and reserved like i used to be either, i'm a lot more chatty now. Maybe now i don't fear being caught out by letting something slip, or having to think of excuses to hide my true feelings. An internet friend asked if i felt liberated, but i'm not sure i know what that liberation feels like. Besides so far its my family not the whole world that has accepted me for what i am, so i may be liberated in mind, but not yet in body. Come the day when i can dress anyway i choose and go out into the big wide world, maybe i will feel liberated. i do feel more at peace with myself though, so maybe that's it? My life is a lot less complicated now too. If people notice that i keep my nails in good condition, maybe even buffed up, or i suddenly turn up with pierced ears, everyone's going to know why and i don't have to have a "cover story" to explain it away.

Sorry, i have gone on a bit here, but the positive reaction i have had has increased my confidence ten fold and its driving me forward in away I never anticipated. Im never going to be mistaken for a real woman, well not unless they are very drunk and yes that has happened, but that's another story for some other time. When people see my they most likely think "He's weired" but i hope when they get to know me they think "She's nice"

thanx for that advice Nikki.

I do keep expecting to get some negative reaction, or a knock back of some sort, but so far, in the last 18 months, its only been positive. Not just the coming out, but going out as well.

My only worry is that the negatives are saving them selves up for a biggy, so when it does come, its gonna be bad. i know, i cant help it, im a natural born worrier at heart. im not exactly pushing my comfort zone too much right now either, but i will be later in th year.

Very good for you! I don't know if I have that kind braveness in me just yet. I can't help thinking its something I should have done years ago. I just don't know how I could begin, but its only a matter of time before I come out. It sounds like they are all very supportive and down to earth, which aren't really how people are around here sometimes..anyways just wanted to wish you all the best.
-Clarissa

Thanx Clarissa, thats very sweet of you


Its been a while since i came out to my family on Boxing day and although i have been to visit my parents a number of times since, i've always had my children with me, so we haven't been able to talk about it. On Thursday morning i was just thinking that i should perhaps go over to see them at the weekend as i was on one of my rare weekends alone, when all of a sudden Mum arrived at work to invite me over for Sunday lunch. How spooky was that?

When i said i would love to come to lunch, she immediately started on about inviting my elder brother and sister as well, then the three of us could have a night out on the Saturday and they could meet "Mandy"

Ooh err, now all of a sudden i was both excited and nervous. Excited because this would be the first time they had seen the real me, and nervous because, well, this would be the first time they had seen the real me.

For the rest of the day my thoughts were on Saturday night. How would they get from my parents house to my flat? would they want to stay the night with me? or get a taxi back to my parents? what was i going to wear? should i open the door to them as the brother they knew? then have to rush around getting ready, or should i take my time, get ready earlier, and then open the door as Mandy?

So many questions and not enough answers. Well not right then, but i did work it all out eventually. They arrived at our parents house, had a rest and something to eat, before driving over to my flat for seven in the evening. That meant i had to get ready and answer the door as Mandy, or half the night would be lost for sure.

Now there are as you know, two times in the UK. Greenwich Mean Time and British Summer Time, but my family seem to have a third time zone all their own, somewhere in between, so i knew full well that seven pm almost certainly meant seven thirty, so i wasn't in all that much of a hurry to be ready for seven.

As it happened i was all ready and waiting at about ten past seven, so i was passing the time chatting on messenger to my internet pal E-J. Although we chat most evenings, we haven't had our webcams turned on for a very long time, so when i asked if she wanted to see, i was glad she jumped at the chance. i was wearing my favourite black box pleated skirt, that comes down to just above my knee, and had decided on a plain black strappy summer top, that i wore beneath a very soft, off white lace top, which has short half puffy sleeves and a little frill round the neck. For jewellery i had settled on my new bangle watch and a silver ring on my left hand, with two other silver rings and three paste diamond bangles on my right hand. To cap it off, i had a lovely silver necklace with two pink flowers on the chain, either side of a larger pink flower dangling down in the middle. E-J said i looked lovely and has insisted that i have to wear the same outfit when i visit her in March.

Suddenly the doorbell was ringing and i had to say good bye to E-J. A quick check of the time showed it was just after half past seven. Right on cue i thought, so i went to the door, took a deep breath, and opened it up with a big welcoming smile. That was returned with two equally big and welcoming smiles from my big brother and my big sister. i offered them a drink, and they wasted no time in choosing a beer. Well we were going to the pub, so why wait any longer then necessary before getting stuck in? We sat and made small talk whilst we drank our beer, then i phoned for a taxi. So far so good i thought. i've not seen any sign of distain on their faces and they seem relaxed and comfortable enough to be able to hold good eye contact with me, so my nerves were beginning to settle down. There were still some nerves though because this was not just the first time they had openly met Mandy, but it was also going to be their first time out in a gay bar. Once the taxi arrived, we trouped down the stairs, out into the cold night and straight into a nice warm taxi. The driver spun round when i got in and said "Hi Mandy, how are you tonight?" well that put a huge smile on my face so i beamed back and said that i was feeling great, introduced my brother and my sister, then told him where we were going.

Wow, i couldn't have hoped it would go that well if I had planned it. i was on cloud nine already and we weren't even at the pub yet. Once we were, it was fairly quiet to begin with, so we got a chance to settle in before too many people arrived.

Throughout the night we stood and chatted as the bar filled up with people. Every now and then someone i knew came in and said hello with a kiss on the cheek, not just for me, but for my brother and my sister as well as i introduced them. And you know what, they told me later how nice it was that everyone was so friendly. "That would never happen in my local" my brother said, and he actually looked a little sad for it too i thought. All throughout the night this happened and everyone i knew said how very pleased they were to meet some of my family. They also said how fantastic it was that they were so supportive of me, and wished their own families had been half as supportive when they first came out.

There were two chaps that had come over and were determined to stay and chat half way through the evening. One called James i had met the night before, and the other called Martin i had met the weekend before. Both of them seemed to have taken a shine to me and were more than happy to join in with the conversation. At one point my sister asked one of them who he thought i looked like, her or my brother. When the answer came back as "your brother" she looked almost crushed. Then she jokingly replied "how can you say that with Mandy looking as good as she does?" "Dont worry" i said to my sister" i think for once that our brother is probably more upset by that revelation than you are" Which set every one off laughing so much, beer was almost spat across the bar.

my sister decided she wanted a photo of us all and got her phone out. Damn, i should have thought about that and bought my camera out with me. i knew the light was too low in the bar, and sure enough the picture came out totally black. My brother took charge and decided to send it to our younger brother anyway. i cant remember the whole message, but he did say "Mandy looks gorgeous and we are all having a great time." Now i knew that the night was going well and all my nerves were long gone. My sister offered her thoughts on the bar and said how nice it smelt with all the perfume mixing about. She also remarked on the distinct lack of testosterone too, so i told her that in this bar, everyone accepts everyone else for what they are, so there are no little groups of people all trying to establish themselves as the Alpha group, or whatever. And that is so very different from just about every other bar i have ever been into.

All too soon, the bar was emptying out and it was time for us to go home. James was very insistent that we all went clubbing, even if it was only for one dance. Five quid to go in to a club for just one dance didn't sound like a good deal to me, and as i had been on my feet in heals, all that night and the previous night as well, i wasn't really up for clubbing. Besides that, my brother and my sister were looking a little tired, so i politely declined his offer and went to leave. James was having none of it and said at the very least to let him buy me flowers and lunch the next day. Bugger, why don't people make that sort of offer when i'm in a position to accept it? Oh well, i again declined because of the family meal that was arranged days before, and promised to meet James again soon. Poor James looked so sad, but i was already promised to Sunday lunch, and that after all was one of the reasons why my sister and my brother were here.

We left the bar and walked round to the taxi base just around the corner. "Hi Mandy" the owner said. "You off home now?" "Yes please" i replied, and after a short wait, a taxi pulled up and off we went. i got out at my flat and the taxi then took my brother and my sister back to our parents house.

The next morning i got a call to say that my brother and my sister were on their way to collect my brothers car and did i want them to drop in. "Sure i said, i'll put the kettle on" With that the doorbell rang. “Mobile phones” i tutted as i let them in. Once the tea was brewed i jumped in with "So how was your first night out in a gay bar then?" "Great fun and everyone seemed so very pleasant and genuine" Said my sister. "i was expecting the place to be full of transvestites" Said my brother, "but you and the other one were the only two there and everyone was very accepting of you."

i explained that there were quite a few others that went in, but not every week, so it was a bit hit and miss most of the time. i then explained that that's what the gay community is like. We are all on the alternative side of mainstream and very much want society to accept us just the way we are, so it would be a little hypocritical if the gay and lesbians were themselves not accepting of transvestites, and if we were not accepting of them too. Then i asked the biggy. "Was it enjoyable enough for you to want to do it again? or was it all a bit to much to comprehend in one night?" i asked hesitantly. my sister was the first to reply with "Well i certainly do, next time i'm down at Easter i would love to go back there with you again." she replied. "i wouldn't mind doing it again either" replied my brother. "i really enjoyed it"

The first person I told was the person I most wanted to understand and accept me, but I told her because we had been together, essentially married, for about 16 yrs. I told her because I had realized that my not understanding what was inside me had contributed to my dysfunctional behavior and contributed to our relationship falling apart. I figured that I owed it to her to tell her what I had discovered so that she would have some understanding of what had gone wrong.

Her acceptance was so positive, that it has contributed to our growing quite close again. Close friends, girlfriends, each other's Significant Other. We still have a lot of work to do to build a relationship between our new selves. We have both changed so much. Although distance keeps us apart most of the time, our meetings are always warm and wonderful. On my monitor, right now, is taped the tag from the Xmas package she gave to me yesterday before she took me out to buy me lunch (my favorite Asian buffet) and then went shopping all day. The tag reads "To Wendy".

Had she not accepted Wendy, however, it had to be done. I knew I could no longer deny who I was without destroying what was left of my life. I was prepared to lose everyone...my friends, acquaintances and family if that was the price. I can understand why you are happier, Mandy. Sometimes we have to risk or lose what we have to obtain what we must have. being around those who do not accept us can be so damaging to our "self" when they are people we love. You are fortunate to have such an open-minded family.

What I have found here, at Trannyweb, is an environment of acceptance and a world of understanding that has nurtured my "Wendy" until she has become me, or I have become her....it's still a bit confusing. I feel sure you will find that TW helps you as well. Good luck and welcome to The Sorority.

I'm glad that everything is still going well for you Mandy, sometimes there are ups and downs with these things, a person will acccept it initially and then reject the idea later on, it doesn't sound like that is the case with you.

I hope it continues for you because you sound like you are blossoming into become the woman you truly are inside.

Best wishes.