Forum » Gender Society Public Forums » Passing in public » So just how do you pass in public?

So just how do you pass in public?

Tags : None
  • I'm not talking about a night out, when you've had all day to prepare. After all, it's not difficult to look glamourous at a dimly lit night club, when you're in a huddle with your friends, or in a passionate clinch with that person you've been eyeing up all night, or when you rush for the bathroom after a sweaty ten minutes on the dancefloor. But when you wake in the morning and you have things to do and you don't want to fully make-up, you can't dress to excess, you just want to fit in. When you have to struggle back from the shops laden with carrier bags, and it's hot, even worse its hot and pouring down with rain. Or you have been at work for ten hours and now you have to travel home in the rush hour. How do you pass then?
      November 6, 2007 2:29 PM GMT
  • I use to spend only about 10 minutes including shaving before heading out during the day. Now with real hair instead of a wig, I find my getting myself together time greatly extended. My hair likes to flatten out over time and to get some body in it adds probably another 20 minutes to my getting ready. So call it a half hour to 40 minutes now. That's not too bad is it?
      November 6, 2007 4:13 PM GMT
  • I know that morning feeling! Netty, who looked after our group at the Inter whilst in mancs, called me the bride of frankinstien one morning!! LOL
    Just an ordinary girl finding her way in this strange life. - What will it take to get everyone to realise that everyone else is also a human being that deserves just as much respect? - How does someone tell their doctor they have hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia? - When I was a student I specialised in Alcopology. It always starts with Alco and always ends with pology. - Waiter! There's a hare in my rabbit pie!
      November 6, 2007 6:58 PM GMT
  • How do I pass or,perhaps more to the point,how do I get away with it?I think it's a combination of things.The most important factor for me was getting shot of the beard.Once epilation had reached the point where I only need a quick ,light going over with therazor my confidence took a quantum leap.A heavy plastering job is a dead giveaway.It's also down to your own feelings towards yourself.If you're perfectly at ease with the way you're dressed and behave as though this is perfectly normal and everyday and you're behaving as a normal woman behaves then you'll gradually merge into the crowd.The biggest thing going for us is that people see what they want to see-it's part of our conditioning(this is why we're likely to get 'read' by children).Also,the more you show yourself in the desired role, the more the world at large gets used to you and;again,you merge into the crowd.I'm 183/a tad under 6'(me?6'?No way!) and the more I'm out and about the more I notice women in the same height range and no,they're not TG.I suspect that it also helps if you know a few women in the same height range which I do.Just being aware of this puts standing between two petite women in the supermarket checkout queue in perpective.It's no use cultivating a complex about your height/sex of birth as these 'vibes' will be picked up by everone around you with the known results.It's been quite a while now since I picked up any comments about me but ,when I do ,I just ignore it as per the telephone message-'sorry,the number you have dialled does not exist'.
    I don't know whether this'll help anybody-at the end of the day it's just a case of 'get on with it'.

    All the best,Lynn H.
    "It ain't what you do,it's the way that you do it............and that's what gets results!"
      November 6, 2007 7:40 PM GMT
  • HI Girls

    I am not sure I pass, however I watch girls my age and height to learn all I can. I try todress casusl normal and after being out at a club where I tend to dress up, I dress downto jeans, a nice top nd sneakers or flats for the drive home. I try not to look at anyone just to see if they are looking at me and try to be confident. Especaily if I need to use the ladies room.

    So far I have never had any problems, and if I have been made, andI am sure I have, nobody has made a scene. I have gone to many public normal bars and restaurants. normally which helps.

    I always try for the clsssy, nice girl look, not slutty or mico mini dress.......

    Hugs Brenda
      March 26, 2008 8:10 PM GMT
  • How do we pass in Public ???

    As for me its an everyday experience going to work on the train dealing with the public all day (8hours) coming home on the train popping in to the supermarket for some shopping an everyday experience for me,,,,,,,,,
    I guess its importance to each of us may well be different that is the importantce we each place on passing.
    How do we judge if we have passed ? suppose the biggest giveaway is how we are addressed by another such as for Danique who looks like a GG and has Miss / Madame etc probably 100% of the time for her.

    All I know is that for the last 11 months for me I dont get stared at, pointed out, remarks shouted at me by groups of youths, kids pointing at me telling their all positive signs in my book. I probably have an androgenous appearance and my movements are womanly enough to leave people unsure whether I am a slightly masculine looking female or a femanine looking guy .... as I spend more time out and about in my work uniform which is not very femme at all trousers shirt type blouse,anorack,waterproofs ect.

    Again with the "PASSSING IN PUBLIC" topic I will reiterate what I have told countless others who ask this question .........
    Its attitude and how you carry yourself. For many girls the voice is the biggest give away.

    And thsi winter has been great for artic storms heavy showers hail storms, snow etc I have been soaked to the skin hair bedraggled feeling all messed up ( though no make up running down my face as that is minimal for me during work days..........and still manage to blend in.

    I think it must be harder for those who's face has the strong masculine jawline, not having high cheekbones etc not that I have seen any girls in here looking like that.

    I will finish by saying that personally for me I took this attitude before starting my transition.................

    I have never considered that I was convinicing in my looks (face) so accepted that fact and decided to not let it worry me , be obsessed about about passing . To take anything approaching acceptance as a positive if someone at work says thank you Sir I dont get upset about it I figure that as I am just starting on the road to change another 3 years then it will be easier to look more womanly
    whats more important is being happier as a person, being more relaxed than I ever was before and therfore becoming a much more productive and positive human being that I was previously in my past ........

    Sorry Porscha.....that my reply ended being as long as it has.
    flowering into the woman I always was.
      March 26, 2008 11:08 PM GMT
  • 734

    Lol, marsha, the curse of straight hair! I’ve got collar length very curly hair. No worries. Its head in the shower, towel dry and say ‘Thank God for L’Oreal Curl Power Recurling mousse!’ - 5 minutes, job done. [mmm, still got a segment of male psyche trapped in there methinks…]

    I think the original question was passing in ‘normal everyday’ mode. For me its easier than most as I’m not trying to ‘pass’ as such. Being both, I just want to express the female attributes of my body and celebrate that large aspect of me. So – at this stage – all I’m trying to achieve is ‘being me’.

    And there are two prime components to that. First, mentioned on this board so many times, is confidence and attitude. You believe in yourself and your right to be yourself no matter what. And that confidence makes you shine.

    The second is just as important. It’s a word that should be plastered all over this site. Deportment. How you carry yourself, how you move. My sister used to be a model and, bless her, gave me lessons on how I should move. Men naturally slouch, and so did I.

    She taught me the basics – which we all know in the back of our minds but rarely practice. Shoulders straight and pulled back, breasts forward, stomach in, bum out. That’s it. It soon becomes second nature and will start to readdress how you walk – less male heavy footedness and more female grace. Even in almost entirely male drab you still feel more feminine and your fellow females will pick up on it and recognise you. [Granted, being born with breasts sort of helps on that score…]

    Just my thoughts.

    Much love

    Rae xx
      March 27, 2008 12:54 AM GMT
  • It's not that difficult really is it? Just be yourself, dress appropriately and don't overdo the make up either. Then hold your head high, present yourself as a confident woman, and you won't have any difficulties.

    It works for me.

    As far as dimly lit clubs go, I have never even been to one.

    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      March 29, 2008 2:33 PM GMT
  • "perhaps we shouldn't overly worry if we can't completely pass provided we are treated with tolerance and respect. "


    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      March 31, 2008 10:57 AM BST
  • well be confident and be at ease with yourself its easy realy
      March 31, 2008 9:19 PM BST
  • Hi All,
    I don't think I really pass, but I do try to dress for the situation and behave as if I belong where ever I go. For casual days, once I get rid of facial hair, I put on a lite makeup, arrange my wig and then use simple cloths. A inch above the knee jean skirt , a nice top and cute shoes (sandals or casual 2-3" heel). Underneath I have a body shaper to compensate for my body. For my wig, the wig salon styled it to be more appropriate for my facial shape. As I've gone out more often, my confidence has increased, and most people don't really notice me.

    Now if that facial hair would stay away (wishing.....)

    Michelle Lynn
      March 31, 2008 10:15 PM BST
  • Working in a shop puts you straight into the public gaze. I have no choice about clothes as we wear a uniform of black polo shirt, black trousers, black/red fleece or bodywarmer. The only thing different between males and females is the trousers. Male are all straight leg, we girls get a choice of slim or bootcut.
    Once dressed for work I use simple makeup and a quick brush through the hair. Then on with coat and cycle helmet.
    Once at work it's a quick brush of the hair and away we go.

    Alina xx
    Life is proceeding at a lovely pace
      April 1, 2008 2:12 PM BST