At some point in my childhood I began suppressing my true self to avoid the abuse I received for it. Then, around the age of 15, I crushed it. The result of this is that I became a dysfunctional, alpha male. But it's obvious now that it refused to remain completely buried. However, I was faking much of my "male" behavior and , because of this, I had problems with serious relationships with women, while we did quite well as friends. I destroyed my last relationship but we remained friends. Then I found Wendy hiding in my head.
Like Anne, when I came out to my SO, she accepted it and in fact realized that it was Wendy she had fallen in love with. Our relationship improved and we are happier together than we ever have been.
She has encouraged me to be Wendy and has supported me emotionally as well as buying me clothes, makeup and jewelry and becoming my "stylist". In fact she takes me out to dinner and buys me presents all the time and enjoys it....and, for the first time in my life, so do I. (Told you that I would think about that, Rachel) Since I learned much of what I know from her, she also listens to my opinion on things for her to wear. We have a wonderful type shopping together and she says she loves going out with her new girlfriend, in both senses of the word. She said it perfectly the night I came out to her. "You missed out on a lot of great clothes by not telling me twenty years ago." She had twice, during our earlier relationship, offhandedly mentioned how much fun it would be to have a husband she could dress up en femme and my reaction was stunned excitement followed by sheer terror that I would, or had been, found out.
Rachel, If your wife is encouraging you to go clothes shopping with her.....she really wants it. Your enthusiastic participation in these outings should bring you closer and lay a strong groundwork for acceptance of your femme self in the future. She likely won't want to give up the joy that you have put into her life. Last time we were together, Sundance and I agreed that Wendy was my missing "natural child" [Eric Berne - Transactional Analysis] Her natural child likes playing with my natural child. We used to be in constant conflict, now we never are. I say, go for it girl. Go shopping with her. One time, when I took Sundance shopping, I saw the look on her face when she told me other women had envied her and one asked "Do you rent him out." I knew that letting myself be myself with her was the smart, as well as the fun thing to do. It is fun shopping, whispering and giggling together...and I hardly ever care what anyone else thinks.
"A live lived in fear is a life half-lived." - Native American proverb.
"Inside every man is a woman who was drowned in testosterone before birth". - Wendy Jeanette Larsen
"It is better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not." - Andre Gide (French writer)