This is an excellent article describing what being on hormones means. It is slightly outdated but nevertheless says it like it is. For TW staff, this article is approved for redistribution as noted at the bottom of the article.

Hormones
A Word to the Wise From the Far Site
of the Transsexual Curtain


by Dallas Denny


The companion to this article, "Crossdressers and Hormones," appeared
in the Summer, 1991 issue of Chrysalis Quarterly, a magazine I edit
and publish. I had originally meant for "Crossdressers and Hormones"
to be accompanied by a second article, which would have taken a
rather more realistic approach to the use of hormones, along with
editorial comment by me, calling attention to both the advantages and
dangers of hormones.

Well, the oft-promised article never arrived. It still hasn't
arrived, being ostensibly in a state of never-ending revision. It may
never be finished, as I have finally stopped phoning every two weeks
to badger the author for it (can you call someone an author when they
haven't written anything?).

When Alicia Lichy asked for permission to reprint "Crossdressers and
Hormones," I told her that I would appreciate it if she would run a
counterpoint, as I had planned for Chrysalis. I told her that I would
provide the counterbalancing article.

And this is it.

I am frequently questioned about hormones by crossdressers who want
to try them on for size: "I want shapelier legs, but I can't handle
it if I can't take my shirt off and get in the pool. Will they make
my breasts grow?" "Will I still be able to make love to my wife? Will
she notice?" "They are safe, aren't they?" It's clear that many of
them want "magic bullets" which will affect a certain part of their
body, but not others, and that many of them are unwilling to accept
any risk. When I explain exactly what hormones will and will not do,
and their dangers, and that there are less disruptive alternatives
which will help them to achieve a feminine appearance (e.g. pads,
electrolysis, cosmetic surgery), many of these men wisely decide that
hormones are not for them.

With sufficient time, counter-sex hormones will change the body and
psyche in ways most profound. I know, because I started taking
feminizing dosages of female hormones in 1978, and, except for
several periods of two or three weeks, I've remained on them
constantly. And guess what? They systematically destroyed everything
about me that made me a man. When I think back to the way I looked
and felt in the late 1970s, to the body I had to wear every day, and
especially when I see photos from that period, it becomes plain to me
that I am no longer even remotely the same person I once was.

That there were physical changes goes without saying. As my
unflagging ambition from the age of 12 had been to live as a woman,
most were pleasing to me, but not all. Take, for example, my breasts.
Please. My breasts swelled to an admirable size, and then, to my
horror, kept right on growing, ending up rather larger than I had
ever wanted or expected. They grew so fast that they got stretch
marks. They grew until their bouncing made running unpleasant. They
grew until wearing a bra was no longer a matter of choice, but a
necessity. They grew until they could no longer defy gravity, and
then, guess what? They sagged. And the marvelous sensitivity my
nipples had had when I was flatchested quite went away. I was left
with a bosom of which I was not proud, and my shape was rather less
attractive than it had been when I had inserted nice b-cup pads in a
bra when I crossdressed.

Some time around 1985, to my disappointment and that of my
girlfriend, I had my last erection. I'll never have another, for Mr.
Willie had an appointment with a sex reassignment surgeon in Brussles
in mid-1991. I have the capability for having sex now (although my
clitoris has not yet "woken up" as the surgeon said is would), but
for six years, I did not have sexual intercourse. Had I continued as
a man, I would have faced a life of celibacy from age 35 on-- hardly
an encouraging thought.

The emotional and behavioral changes were rather more subtle than the
physical changes. And the changes that occurred weren't what you
might expect. I didn't, for example, ride the emotional roller
coaster that some transsexual people talk about. I'd always had a
fairly even temperament, and that didn't change. Sure, I cried a bit
more; sure, the ups were a little more up and the downs a little more
down-- but I didn't have PMS, I didn't become highly emotional, I
didn't have crying jags. I didn't forget how to change the spark
plugs in my car. It was, as I indicated, in more subtle ways that I
changed the most. For example, at some time during the more than ten
years on hormones, my consumer habits changed. Whereas I once managed
to buy practically every consumer electronic product on the market,
now I don't. I didn't get a CD player until I was given one as a
present in 1989. It's 1992, and where is my big screen television?
Where is my surround sound unit? Where is my digital stereo? Where is
my The Sharper Image catalog? I did buy a computer in 1982, but I
hung onto it until 1992, when I finally upgraded. Now, understand: I
still admire and would like all those neat toys; I just don't buy
them.

I finally figured out what was happening; I had become more
interested in people, and less in things. I was spending more mental
energy thinking about and money dealing with interpersonal matters.
Maturation? I think not. It's the effect of the hormones.

Gone, too, is the "specialness" of dressing up. Ten years of hormones
have totally altered my sexuality, and any trace of sexual excitement
or even generalized pleasure I found in dressing is long gone. I no
longer have the need or desire to present as my former stereotyped
notion of what a woman is. I like to look nice, to be sure, but for
the same reason as any other woman. And I find that the need to be
comfortable is almost always more important than the need to be
glamorous. I rarely wear dresses or skirts, and I keep my makeup to a
minimum.

I could talk a lot more about how I have changed, but I hope that I
have made my point. What happened, over the course of ten years, is
that hormones turned me into a woman, and not into a man's idea of a
woman. There's a decided difference.

The lesson to be learned here is that hormones are not magic bullets.
They will not affect one part of your body and leave another part
untouched. Neither will they change only your body, but leave your
mind unaltered. They will work slowly and in small increments,
eventually causing dramatic change. Some of the changes will be to
your liking, but others won't be. One thing is for sure: with time,
hormones will destroy the person you now are and leave another person
in his or her place.

If you're not sure you want to be that other person-- if you're not
prepared to cope with what will happen with you and especially the
ways in which your life will be affected-- you had best not pop that
first Premarin in your mouth.

One additional note: hormones are not something to play around with
without medical supervision. The physical dangers are considerable,
and include blood clotting and liver damage. You should not take
hormones without medical supervision, and you should not take them
sporadically, hoping to moderate their effects, for there are
profound effects on body chemistry, ranging from cell metabolism to
bone density, and going on- again/off-again can foul up those systems
beyond belief.

If you are a transsexual person who wants to change your body and
mind so that you can more comfortably assume the role of the other
sex, or if you are a transgenderist who is willing to accept the
changes that hormones will bring to your body, your personality, and
your lifestyle, then perhaps hormones are for you. If you are a
crossdresser who has a fancy for them, do yourself a favor-- stay
away from them.

And by the way-- Michael Williams, who wrote the article to which
this is a response, had not actually begun taking hormones when he
wrote the article. It was a masturbatory fantasy-- a very dangerous
one-- and I was not clever enough to pick up on it. Michael
subsequently began taking estrogens (unfortunately, without first
seeing a therapist), and very quickly ended up having an operation
for a bad case of kidney stones. Caveat emptor.


Copyright 1995 by Dallas Denny

Dallas Denny is a transgender activist and woman of transsexual
experience. She is author of Gender Dysphoria: A Guide to Research
and Identity Management in Transsexualism, Editor of Chrysalis
Quarterly, and founder and Executive Director of The American
Educational Gender Information Service, Inc. She is licensed to
practice psychology in Tennessee.

This article first appeared in Alicia's TV-Girl Talk (1992) 4(7), 19,
29. It may be freely distributed and reprinted, provided that all
author information remains intact.



© 1997, 1999, The American Educational Gender Information Service,
Inc., All Rights Reserved
Webmistress, Gwendolyn Ann Smith

Anne, being I did not write the article it would be inapropriate for me to modify it, I did note some of it was outdated but those parts applied only to non important goings on at the time of the article, the bulk is pertinent even today. Also you can fill in the blank for whichever hormone you want.

I posted this article because over the time I have been here I have heard several gals ask about hormones and indicate they just wanted a little feminization. Hormones don't work that way and it needs to be understood that lifelong changes happen to your body and life, not all of them necessarily good. So if you havn't read the article, please do so and give it very serious consideration before proceeding.

Hi Marsha
I know from experience that hormones effecs your mind and you become emortional and has a hard tough ex male it is mind bending to say the least.
But it efecs every body diferently including results.
Hugs Mandy XXX

Rae, I am glad you like the thread. Please understand it covers about a 13 year period in her life. The rapid breast development could actually mean before she realized it they had grown to a point she never expected. There really was no time frame given. April will be my 3rd year on HRT. About 2 years ago I switched from oral to gel and shockingly for me I went from a small A cup to a small B cup in one month. Fortunately I did not get stretch marks. I have had modest growth since that point but continue to have aching nipples so I can't rule out further growth.

I don't think anyone can predict if hormones will enhance you enough, for that matter what is enough? Sure I like my breast and softer skin, some weight redistribution, but above all that I think your attitude and confidence in who you really are is what makes the biggest difference. As I understand HRT, it is used to help align your body with your mind, and by doing that you develope the confidence to live a productive life without having to fight who you are.

For that matter, due to health reasons or whatever, there are Tgals who are not on hormones. As I said before, it is more about attitude and confidence. I read a story about a gal who kept her testes because she already had the feminine figure so why risk HRT. During her SRS they just tucked them away up inside, so her body is still functioning on testosterone. That is what I mean about attitude.

I wish you the best in whatever path you should choose.

Love,
Marsha

I found this link on another web site and rather than start a new thread put it on this one, although it might be good reading to others sisters on this site. There is a lot of reading in the article which I have just started to do.


mtftransition.com/t-girl.htm

Marsha

Thank you for reproducing this. As a cross-dresser who has reflected upon 'trying' hormones for some time, the content and caution are valuable. If it were only possible to learn about how your mindset might change prior to the need for a twin-set..

Rachel

I have met Dallas denny and corresponded with her. She has been very supportive of me over the years, in her former role as editor of "Transgender Tapestry," and in casual conversation. During one conversation, she said to me "I detest transsexual elitists." This was with reference to some of the reaction to my article in the fall, 2005 edition of "Tapestry" concerning the transgender umbrella. I find the reaction to her views in the context of this particular thread most interesting, as some of the thread participants have been known to express opinions inconsistent with Ms. Denny's approach to transgender inclusion.

There's an old joke that goes:

What's the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?

About 4 years.

It should be noted that many jokes have some basis in truth.

Naturally, I would emphasize that anyone considering hormone therapy for any reason MUST pursue it under the direct supervision of a qualified endocrinologist with experience and specialized training in this area. To do otherwise is possibly suicidal.

I'm glad you were able to get something out of it Rachel. I think most TS's can acknowledge that they have on atleast one if not several occassions had a CD ask them about taking hormones to grow boobs or maybe have softer skin, but they have no intention of "becoming a woman". Obviously that is the extreme reason to not take hormones in the first place, but just saying I want to be a woman could be reason enough to NOT take hormones. As far as a TS is concerned we are women, we just want our bodies to match our inner heart and soul.

Anne's link has a lot of value to it, definitely not the perfect story or end all for answers, but I am totally in favor of any article that makes a non-TS think twice about taking hormones in the first place. Call it my pet project or whatever, I just don't want to see anyone ruin their life.

Lucy makes quite an excellent point that not all TS's head down the road of disaster. In the same way media prefers to tell the negative news stories and to leave out the good side on any given topic, there are many successful TS's that quietly disappear, blending into society. Somehow some people have crazy expectations that a transitioned TS should be somekind of banner waving cheerleader for the TG cause. I'm sorry, call me boring or something, but all I want to do is be myself and live a normal life as the woman I am. Don't get me wrong thinking once I transition I will walk away from my friends in the TG community, life without friends is not worth living. Having friends who accept you for who you are is priceless. But I will happily pass on my 15 minutes of fame.

Robyn just posted to this thread and I want to acknowledge what she said. She is absolutely right about all TS's having been CD's at some point, I know I was. That is why it is good to have a site like TW and to have a mix of all TG's. But it is equally important for each of us to look deep into our own hearts and know who we really are, not who we think we want to be.

Love,
Marsha

I had the opportunity to attend the Gender Identity support group in Baltimore this past weekend. In attendance was a young man who until recently has identified as a gay male. He's in a long term relationship with a partner who knows of his history of dressing. This young man attended group because he is starting to question and explore his gender identity. He had lots of questions. The best advice from those group members both in transition and otherwise was that he is the only one who can define what form his gender expression will take. That he should research all the options and decide what works for him.

Of course, this is true of all of us, isn't it? Many of us in transition have explored various forms of expression on the way to who we are now, while others have found whatever works for them that does not involve fulltime transition. For a wide variety of reasons, not everyone, even those who might fit the textbook criteria as TS, will transition.

For this reason, it is important to note that all forms of gender expression, no matter our personal opinion of them, are valid. While we, as a community strive for social tolerance, it is incumbent upon us to exercise this very tolerance among ourselves. Again, the "casual crossdresser" of today could very well be the TS of tomorrow, and is no less deserving of our support than any fulltime transsexual seeking therapeutic or surgical resources and information.

This includes discussion of hormone replacement therapy, which can be an option for those pursuing forms of gender expression not necessarily including corrective surgery. Denied access to such resources, some of these individuals might well be inclined to attempt such dangerous avenues as self medication to achieve their objective. Again, as a community, we owe it to those community members to provide the support and resources necessary for them to make the right decisions.

Of course, this is just my opinion. I could be wrong.

Please don't take this thread off topic. It is not a thread about TS's versus CD/TV's, it is a serious thread about whether or not hormones are right for someone. I hoped that my original post to this thread would help some give it serious thought in what direction they choose for their life.

Marsha

I would take this opportunity to once again express the view that elitism among transgender people is a form of intolerance every bit as unacceptable as that which comes from outside the community, and that free gender expression in all its forms, no matter our personal opinion of it, should be encouraged and supported.

I would also admonish that the information contained in the blog to which Anne refers is entirely anecdotal. No specific sources are cited for the statistics stated there, nor is any of the information presented as fact attributed to any credentialed source. In fact, to quote the author herself in her own inimitable semiliterate style:

" There, there are some of my opinions, and I have many, many others as you all do."

When seeking information and resources concerning anything so important as your transition, please do so from reputable sources, and consider anecdotal accounts based in personal experience to be just that, anecdotal. There is too much good solid scientific information available to us from credentialed professionals to allow the unqualified statement of personal opinion to determine how we conduct our lives. Opinions are worthwhile, but our decisions need to be based on substantiated fact.

As a personal acquaintance and a professional colleague of Dallas Denny, I can assure you that she did not pen one solitary word of the poorly composed drivel contained in "So You Want To Be A T-girl." This rambling, borderline psychotic expression of bitterness and elitist rubbish was spewed by someone calling herself "Miss Dorella," who, for all intents and purposes does not exist. If this person were the expert, advocate or activist she purports to be, there would be some trace of her existence. Resarch reveals no such evidence, thus the material contained in the pages holds about as much credibility as the author's miserable grammar and 7th grade level spelling.

Well the link I posted has caused a lot of controversy and bad feelings, but I have no regrets.

OMG!! I've just recently started HRT After a long time researching and thinking and debating and putting it off, I'm finally on my way and I read this post and WOW. Talk about trying to stick a big ole pin in the middle of my big ole feminine bubble. I know that this article is geared at CD's but non the less it paints a horrible picture of what I can expect at the end of my transition. I'm excited about my future and what will be!! If I wasn't a strong girl I'd be chucking my years supply of hormones in the toilet. Fortunately I don't just love the ability to wear womens clothing, I love everything a woman does in life. To suggest that becoming a complete woman, both mentally and physically would be anything but everything I've ever wanted would be to say that I didn't vote for Hilary Clinton. I'm suggesting that if it's all you've really wanted in life then, as ugly a picture as this article paints, BRING IT ON. There are millions of women out there who are happy to put up with the strains of everyday life as a female. I've got a long way to go before I'm complete and to think that the end result sucks is just not something I will except. There, I'm glad I got that off my Breasts. Love all of you dearly, Bye the way My name sounds like this (Laura-Lay-a). I adopted it when I lived in Hawaii for so many years.on another note, Lucy your my Idol. Thanks and Kisses, Lauralea.

Hi Lauralea, I'm glad the article gave you an OMG. The article is directed at TV/CD's and any other wannabe transsexuals. The problem is if it was as simple as making a choice to be TS or not, most of us who are, would likely have chosen not to be based on what we have gone through in our lives. It's not all fun and games, it is living your life for better or worse. A mtf TS is born a woman, HRT is one way of helping the mtf to fit into society where she feels she belongs, not where she necessarily "wants" to be long. Now don't get me wrong, I love who I am and would not trade my life for anything, i'm just saying no one in their right mind would choose to be TS.

I think there are two basic reasons behind TV/CD's taking hormones; one is growing boobs so they can show cleavage. The second is that hormones will magically turn them into a woman overnight, when in reality it is a lifelong process.
One of my favorite lines in the article is

"What happened, over the course of ten years, is that hormones turned me into a woman, and not into a man's idea of a woman."

I think it is that man's idea of a woman that many are unrealistically hoping for. One other point I have often brought up is when you have decided to transition and start HRT, the most important thing you can do is learn all you can. Study HRT, read and learn from other's experiences, just don't leave your life up to the drugs or doctors giving you those drugs. The more you know, the more you will be able to say as you did "BRING IT ON." There are plenty of good things in the lives of TS's, you just can't make believe the bad things don't exist.

Hugs,
Marsha

Lucy I think we are actually very much on the same page. Just as you stated it, I don't think anyone should be on HRT unless they intend to live fulltime as a woman. I want girls to succeed and not get involved with this for the wrong reasons. I hope I can provoke some serious deep thought for those thinking it would be cool to have boobs. The choice question is actually a difficult question because you want to answer it knowing what you know now. First off, I'm saying it is not a choice for us. But if it was a choice, I can't see anyone wanting to do this, we have to. And last but not least, I am not all doom and gloom. I believe I am a good person and love who I am. I am very happy with my life and have few if any regrets. As I stated in the my last post, there are lots of good things about being TS, just don't ignore the bad stuff. And again on choice, all I mean is it sure would have been nice to have been born right in the first place so we wouldn't have to go through all this.
Hugs,
Marsha

I am glad that this post has stated in place as it has answered some of the dilemma I have felt in defining who I am and what I want for myself. At this point I consider myself TV rather than CD as I take the role of being a woman every chance I get. Even self medicating is not that easy as I am distrustful of procuring hormones from the internet, after all, are you really getting what you pay for. I recently got 3 months supply of Elleste Solo from a legitimate source and curiosity more than anything else has led me to take them but I did want to know if I was taking a huge risk health wise.

I have felt myself to be in the wrong body for 50 of my 56 years and it is only the advent of the internet and sites such as this that has helped me to realise that I am not abnormal, just unfortunate. I feel that the main thing that holds me back now is my need to not hurt anyone, especially my wife who decided to 'out' me a month ago to the family on her side, although my neighbours know, as does my sister. I still feel alone with it, and unresolved, but this debate has helped, so once again, to alll the participants, thanks.

Penny,
You sound so much like I did when I first began my transition. First off, you are correct that you are not abnormal. I am happy to hear your family means a lot to you and that you are taking the time to consider their needs as well as yours. Often I was told "You can't have the cake and eat it to." My reply to that was I will never stop trying, I didn't, and today I live as Marsha full time with my family, friends and business intact. It can be done Penny so don't get discouraged. You used the word "unfortunate" and I'm not sure I like that. I think we are different but that is not a bad thing. I think you are fortunate that you have accepted who you are and now you are trying to find the right path for your future. Take your time, it is not a race.
Hugs,
Marsha

Thanks Marsha Ann

I don't feel bad about what I am and I meant unfortunate as being the familial and social minefield it can sometimes be. Where I can I just try to be myself as I see it, and see no need to explain to others what I am trying to be. On the other hand, while I have a mortgage to pay I am not going to rock the boat, or the coach, as it were. Many years ago I was in a job and was seen out 'glammed up' and faced a gauntlet of hate the following day, needless to say, I quit and ran, purged my stuff, and went into denial. It still came back, but I am now better at it, although I do keep it at home.

I think many TS starts out without really knowing where to go because after all we have to start somewhere and many just takes it as they go as none of us can really read our future. It’s a learning curve, which can be fun, exiting, as well as give sadness.

The article that started this thread was only one person’s opinion and we can’t even say if it’s true or not can we? But even if its true then so what?

Me for one did not know what would happen with me down the line when I started and I’ve got a dear friend that started out as CD and are now seriously thinking of full transitioning because she is just bitten by the TS bug. I don’t see anything wrong in that because TS comes in all flavours and backgrounds so “Yes You Can” choose to become transsexual and don’t need to be born as one. Changing sex is a challenge but its good and thanks God for that.

We must all understand that we transsexuals are unique and we have a very special mind. In many cases we are not scared of what others are thinking and IF you’re scared, you will for sure need to overcome this or else this would just cause problems for you. I’m not scared and I’m extremely proud of who I am. I made it and I hope all of you that try so hard can make it because it is as Lucy said “but if it’s the choice between male or M2F, it would have to be M2F” and so do I.

But it can be a long way to walk and many things to overcome. I remember first time I went to a public female toilet – I must admit I was a bit scared… I remember walking first time in skirt where I had to learn how to sit down, avoid the skirt blowing up in the wind and so forth, but that just part of the fun of being a woman, isn’t it? There are many reactions from people you just need to get used to it and that takes also time.

Penny you have the full right to be whom you are and in my case I had to educate many of my friends so they could understand my “condition” and once that part was done, they just educated others so it went like the ring in the water and before I knew it everybody in my circle knew most facts about me so I did not have to explain everything to everybody. I remember one time I had a call from a friends and when I picked up the phone she said “how is Natalie today” and I knew I never told her about Natalie so somebody did. But I did not ask her whom she had been told this from because it was not really important as the main point and happiness was that she called me by my female name. I guess Marsha Ann also have good feelings when people call you by that name and it does not take long time for people to swap from the old name to the new one.

xxx Natalie

Hi
I have been on hormones for ten years and totaly agree that your feelings change from male to a softerside sexualy your male organ stops functioning and most of all shrinks in size and you dont think of sex.
but I must say Im now been atcrated to males. I also agree that dressing sexy as males see woman as a trans gender person I just dress casual as normal day wear but for a night out I do dress well but not as a tart
huggs mandy

I feel my softer side as soon as I put on a dress. I have never felt comfortable as a male and that is not from lack of trying, but macho just is not me. My pursuits are creative, ie, art & photography, and many of my friends over the years have been female. My CD side has simply gotten stronger the older I get which has partly made me consider using hormones to complete my inner feelings about myself. An exploration as it were. 3 months worth of Elleste Solo isn't going to kill me, but I certainly welcome this debate for all the valuable and less valuable views that have been expressed.

I do dress in a way that I find attractive in women, smart and sophisticated, floaty and pretty. Never tarty. I also have evolved my male side to be as androgynous as possible - long well cut hair in a bob style, earrings, well manicured nails, somewhat effeminate clothes, basically anything I can get away with when having to be in normalville. Amazingly it works. It still does not feel enough for me to be the me I would really like to be, but right now I feel I can't have it all. The trouble is, I am getting old, ie, 57 next week, so it could be getting too late to have and be more. In my heart I already know that if I only had to think about myself I would already be taking the next step. Ce la vie!!!

Very interesting article Marsha, and I have to agree with you that though one or two minor points could be updated, in general the information is as relevant now as it was when it was written.
There is no magic involved, the same dangers lurk with the taking of hormones of doing permanent and irreversible damge to your body, and they do affect all parts, phsyically and mentally, the latter both slowly and subtly.
I will cetainly bring this to the attention to anyone asking me about going on hormones, especially unsupervised. Even though I was under the close watch of my GP and others, my blood pressure went through the roof, and I have had stones. I am on medication for the one, and the stones (40 of them, I counted) came out with the organ concerned, and I have to watch what I eat now.
Be warned.

I think this is a very good thread and although it may have been written a while ago, the dangers of hormone therapy still remain, which is why they should only be taken under the supervision of a doctor. Any girls out there who are seriously considering self-medicating should read this first and listen to the facts it contains. Even under medical supervision their are still dangers that may occur.

Thankyou Marsha for bringing this to everybodies attention.

Nikki

Hey Marsha!

Thankyou for this thread particularly as the area of hormones is one I'll be visiting many times over the coming months.

I'm still reading up as best I can on taking hormones [and what little I know already tells me not to self-medicate!]. I'm aware of most of the side effects, the dangers, the pro's and the cons but I was quite surprised by one part of the article.

Ok, this may be my niaivity and I fully appreciate we're all individual and additional hormones are going to affect us a little differently, though perhaps within a commonish template.

This is the first article I've come across which records such rapid breast growth - and with, clearly, disturbing and unexpected results. All the articles I've seen record a slow, modest growth. Some could even be interpreted as disappointing.

I'm doing my best to brush up on this subject so that I can make an informed choice. I'm scientifically dyslexic and even the brand names are making me struggle! But with age a little against me I want to spend the next half year or so deciding if its worth the risk to achieve a more balanced body or just accept a more surgical solution.

The advantage I feel I have over some - which could just as easily be a disadvantage, I don't know - is that people are very surprised when they learn I'm not actually on hormones already. They assume that I am as I display a large number of secondary female attributes. To the point where I class myself as 50/50 when it comes to gender. They just did'nt appreciate thats naturally how and what I am.

Apart from the physical, there's also the esoterical - I've lost count of the number of times women tell me I give off a 'female energy' or I 'smell' like a woman, and I don't think they mean perfume.

Everything about me is already female. Just replace my head, narrow my ribcage, replace my bits and I'm just about done.

Which, in a very waffly way, brings me to my dilemma. Will hormones enhance enough, given what I've got already, vs age and the danger. Or is surgical enhancement [though not in a UK hospital!!!!] the best solution?

Sorry to have digressed.

Much love to you all.

Rae xx

ps: lest anyone mention it, I've looked at 'hermaphridite' and that tends to be more physical genitalia oriented. Mines solely male. And whilst some aspects of 'intersex' seem to fit, others don't. I am very tempted to start a thread somewhere entitled 'What am I?' to see if anyone can shed any light - particularly as there is some information I'm holding back because I'll otherwise go way off-post! (Possible [as yet uninvestigated] medical and / or environmental suspects for my physical and physiological make-up) [advice from the moderators requested... ]

Joanne..thanks for the post: mtftransition.com.

Found the link while scanning back through all posts...it is a brilliant article that ought to be learned word by word by every doctor or psycho who is ever likely to come into contact with TRANSSEXUALS.

I would like anyone considering transitioning, to make themselves comversant with Reifensteins Syndrome or AIS, whlst in the minority, this is an important issue and aspect to consider.
Many suffering this choose not to transition and remain on male boosting testerone drugs for the rest of their lives. attached is something i started to write at the ago of 16. unfortunately the following pages and synopsis and conclusions have been lost Not a very adult piece but at the time I was overawed and very confused. People considering transition should be aware that self medicating, if suffering from this condition, even with what are regarded as very low level, safe doses
could put themselves at extreme risk, If you have any of the symtoms, its advisable to have a complete diagnostic check done. Then consult a specialist who is familiar with this condition to
advise on courses of hormone treatment, to avoid overdosing on what would generally be regarded as a safe low dosage.

Well put Marsha and I concur 100%, geeee lol xXx

Penny, the second of that piece is so similar to my own predicament. I too dress androgenously, (long hair, make up, ear rings, manicure, I don't own male clothes now), which is 'interesting' when you work on an Army base, lol! But actually for the most part, I'm taken for a woman anyway which is lovely.

What became important for me and allowed me to manage this torment better was to only see one person in the mirror, so there was no 'dressing' anymore, it's just me. Sure, an effeminate/androgynous person but who cares? I'm happy, and my wife and children have no issues about it so it works for us. That's important.

And yes, if it was only me I had to think about, I would be much further down the road too and would have hopefully have completed SRS by now. But there is more than just me in this equation and those people are too important for me to screw their lives up.

Hormones, of course, would have been fantastic, but as the article at the very beginning stated, unless you are prepared to go the whole course, stay away from them. You can't just grow breasts etc and not have all the other effects as well. There are other ways to simulate the female form which are not permanant so it's probably better to stay with those until you are absolutely 100% sure of what you want. Then by all means, jump right on in! At this point in my life, they're off the agenda, but who knows what the future holds?

Nikki

Cross reference Nikkis post with my drivel on the thread oestogen. lol

signed.....What the hell so I know.

Trine say:-

''But the facts are that even if you're on hormones for years and stop taking them, most people will get back their morning erections as well as everything else they "lost" over the years''

Erm the general consensus from specialists and endos is that after years, most people suffer permanent or seriously reduced erectile function and infertility.

Oh dear. Again.

i just started takeing herbs to try and grown my own breasts, im takeing fenugreek, fennal, wild yam, and saw palmetto. in adition i made a mixture of each of thease herbs in baby oil. i have been taking one of each of the herbs twice a day and rubbing the oil on my chest likewise. im on my 7th day now and im sure my nipples are already changing ( i dont think its my imagination) im cd, not ts so im not sure how far im going to take this, i just wanted to share.

has anyone tried thease herbs and seen results? would love to hear from you.

I fully agree that every TS has her/his own unique path to being themselves but honestly this, "might as well go all the way" and, "hormones are not appropriate unless one is willing to fully live as a woman" is well trans elitist as it completely shuts out everyone who is bi-gendered.

I've stated this briefly, but we bingendered folks come in two types:

Two-Spirit: where there are literally the person's gender is completely split
Fluid: where the person's gender fluctates, with one gender being dominant

I'm a Fluid, so I can't speak for the Two-Spirit variety. Fluids who have their birth sex as their dominant seem more than content being CD. Others like myself almost always transition, and many of us identify as bisexual.

Since I'm roughly anywhere between 60-85% on a daily basis, doesn't it make sense that I do all those nifty little tricks FTM's do before going on hormones after I transition? As many of you have stated each person's gender and her journey to achieve the "Outer You" match the "Inner You" is unique. I'm keeping the penis and I'm rather butch, so that's all the masculinity that I need.

So why this strict dichotomy?

Just recently, since being on hormones, I've noticed myself being different...that I'm growing completely incapable of hiding my female gender even though I'm somewhat adrogonous in demeanor. Basically, I'm that flat footed lesbian with short hair you see every now and then just I go completely femme every now then. At work I'm beginning to be called all sorts of names and honestly, I really couldn't care as I figure that I better get used to gender harrasement.

For folks like me its just not as simple as deciding to go through with it. We have to put a tad more thought into it, although I mean do disprespect. For starters:

Is it really worth being a bigendered trans women as opposed to staying a bi-gendered "man"?
What can I do when my gender switches? What is the Real Me...if I could play God and change my body how would it match my Inner Self, knowing I'm both even in part?
During and "after" transitioning what about that gender dysphoria, it's going to still be there in part? How do I minimize it? Is transitioning right for me in relation to this minimization?

These are only a couple of the questions I've had to ask myself, since society dictates "One or the Other".

To simply say, "hormones aren't appropriate unless you're going to go all the way" is short-sighted, narrow, and rather exclusive.