Many of us worry about being read. In fact our greatest goal is to pass completely, I am sure that we all agree on that.
Despite our physical features we can project a visible female imagine to lessen our chances to be read. I will give a few examples to explain my point. When we walk into a room and feel self-conscious about what we look like we have a better chance of being read. We need to feel that we are women and act that way. It is a mental understanding of who we are. The manner of how we walk and how we act in public will either give us away cause people not to even look at us Most people don’t care at all about you unless there is something to notice. When we are very friendly to people even if they know or suspect, they will probably accept you because they just like you.
This is a search that will help us all. Please tell us how and what you did to keep from being read in public.

Hope to get some great suggestions.
Rebecca Chesnutt

Rebecca,

your right, I used to worry about passing untill I relised I did it better when I didn't care.

I was going into town, dressed well [not over the top, but good skirt top make up]. When I was in a hurry one time I didn't have time to worry so just pulled on some jeans a t shirt and pulled my hair abck a little. No one noticed at all!

I have since not really bothered with worrying about whether people notice or not. Its easier that way, forget your trying to be a girl and just be one!

Your right Maria,

dressing right and the right attitude works like a charm

Thanks Fiona,

When we are confident about whom we are and not self-conscious we pass well. Another thing that we can do is watch other women and be specifically interested not only how they dress but their mannerisms and interpersonal relationships with other people. I sat in a shopping mall for hours just watching how women walked, dressed and how they interacted with other people. I found out a few pointers that I would like to share with you. However, you can understand that it is from my point of view of my culture here in the US and it might be different for you in your culture.
1. Women almost always wear slacks and a comfortable shirt. Noticed I didn’t say blouse. Most of the time they wear what is comfortable. Even for dress-up occasions they wear slacks but usually a blouse instead of a shirt.
2. Men are the most aggressive individuals and will notice you if you challenge them. However they are usually in their own little world and they really don’t care about what is going on around them.
3. Women are submissive and not loud when dealing with others. They always confer to the male’s dominance. Men feel that they have a right to entitlement and anyone who is not male does not have the same rights. If a woman challenges the male they are immediately aggressed. As a “T” we need to remember never to be placed in this situation or we will definitely be “outed”.
4. Women have a higher and passive voice. This is not threatening to anyone. A deep voice shows aggression a will taken as a male feature. What we say is also important too. When we bring our voices up into out heads we will be able to express a higher voice. This can be done by putting your on your Adam’s apple and speak. You will notice that it will vibrate. This is what every “T” need to learn that when they can speak without any vibration their voice will automatically be more feminine. When a woman talks it with all of their voice and her throat won’t vibrate. I usually practice by singing along with a female vocalist and cope her voice inflections without having my Adam’s apple vibrate. There is only ½ an octave between a female voice and a male’s when you consider the full range. The difference is then articulation, timber, inflection and what is said. I’m sure there are more but I can’t think of any right now.
5. Our face is very important. A rough or not smooth skin will be noticed. Immediately a “T” can wax their beard and obtain the same smoothness as a woman’s face. Let me tell you from personal experience it is very painful but not as painful as electrolysis. After it has been done the first time subsequent waxing is not as painful. It is very much like waxing your legs except your face. This however, delays electrolysis but it can still be done when your hair starts to grow back in. This will take about 2 weeks.
6. Women are very sensitive to what other women look like. They do this to find out what they might do with their dress, make-up etc. They will notice the even slightest things. However women are very tolerant and will accept a “T” much more readily than a male.
7. Weight is a very important factor. Women are very conscious of their weight. If a “T” wants to blend in they will need to be concerned about their weight too. Many men are heavy, but a “T” who is 145 pounds (66 kilograms) will not necessarily be taken as a male because there are not many if any men who are that weight. When we weigh less we will not only not be noticed but we will be able to wear smaller clothes which are more female.

I am sure that I can think of more and I will let you know when I remember them.

LOL
Rebecca

Sandra,
I couldn't agree more. As we progress in our journey to womanhood we will learn more and more each time we try and emulate other women and get tips from other “T”’s. We all need help and we definitely can learn from other’s experiences.

There a couple of movies that deal with this very subject “Different for Girls” Which can be purchased over the internet through Wolf Video. I have an access banner directly to their web site in the “www” section of my profile. There is a documentary that was done on our History channel about volunteers who agreed to live as the other gender for 2 months. It is very interesting of what happened during those 2 months. I try and look up the URL address of where you can find it and post on this forum.

lol,
Rebecca

Rebecca,

I would be more worried about shape than weight. I am still about 90 kilos, but my shape is less male and more fem. esp. as I take steps to highlight a more curved waist line. I try to wear clothes n such a way that I look more like I have an hour glass shape. This is actually easy enough to do depending on what clothes you wear.


What I am doing is to hide and disgise the upside down triangle of the male form. [broad shoulders narrow waist(my shoulders aren't real broad, are actually smaller tahn my sisters)]

Hi, all--

This is destined for my website. You get to read it first!

Luv 'n hugs,

Mina Sakura
"Almost-Angel, T-Girl Genius, and Ultra-Flirt"
---------------------------
On “Passing”

I find that as time goes by, there needs to be myths busted about being Transgendered or Transsexual.

This is one of those times. Take a deep breath…ready?

Passing is not the all in all. Passing is a goal, not a solution.

Now, I am not saying we should not make every reasonable, feasible attempt to pass in our chosen gender. That is flat out wrong. Things like shaving/waxing body hair, working out our voice issues, taking the time to do what needs done in terms of things like cleavage, eyebrows, nails, legs and so forth are all Good Things to do. Doing them will help you pass; so will things like exuding realistic feminine charm and grace.

But ladies, I’ve got to tell you again: it’s a goal! It is something we work towards, it is not something that will magically solve your problems. And even the best of us slip sometimes; I have seen professional show trannies/transvestites with make up jobs that would put Tammy Faye Bakker to shame. They are embarrassing to themselves and to others…and the Trans crowd in general.

Passing is not a solution. To some, they feel that “If I could just pass, then I’d be in.” ‘Taint so, luvs. Passing is more than just a look or sound. It is a state of being. (In short: it’s almost a zen concept.)

Passing is an attitude. It is an attitude that comes from going out and getting read, and then determining what went wrong this trip out—and fixing that and a few other things that crop up. If the goal is to not get read, we can work towards that. If the goal is to pass…that’s different! I have been read as much as I have passed…and I pass more and more each day. Which means I get read less each day--and over time, I will pass to the point where there is no question that I am a woman.

It isn’t my makeup, or lack thereof. It isn’t clothing, voice, or even walk. It is the feminine attitude that I exude on a daily basis. As a woman, I need to—or I’m as good as read before I walk out the door into the real world. It’s got to be there, ready to go every time I step out my front door or I’m sunk, sugah.

That attitude—that state of being—has to come from deep inside you. It is not something that you get; it’s like a muscle—you have to work to develop it. The sad part is, what worked for me may not work for you. What works for you may not work for someone else. This is because we have different life experiences. I grew up in a different time and place from most of you. I have different experiences than you do. And even if we had the exact same experiences and grew up at the same time and place in the same family, how we live life is different simply due to how we are wired. It is what becomes the filter for other life events.

Here’s an example, so see what/how you would have responded: I once got read going into a club for an evening. I stuck it out and that same evening I was hit on by 3 different people…one of whom was straight! (I won’t say much else about that night other than it ended far better than it started.) So…did I pass that night or not? What changed?

I could have gone home and cried all the way. Or worried about passing. Or I could have gone in and not cared at all. Or…I could do what I did. Get inside and go on as if nothing happened.

Now here’s, as they say, the rest of the story: The club is in a not too good area of town, and I had to pass by a darkened alley. There were some people there of a most unsavory nature. Knowing that blew my cover. Once inside, I could relax. Order a soda, dance a little. Watch some cute guys play pool. Talk to a drunk lesbian (who hit on me). When I left with a cuuuuuute boy-toy escorting me out to the Princess Flyer, nothing was said and I was too horny to care. In short: I could be Mina…not some dude in a dress, pumps and wig. That was some time ago, and now, I wouldn’t even be worried walking past that alley. (Cautious, yes. Absolutely—it’s still not a totally safe place, y’know?)

So…make passing every time you go out the goal, not the solution. Develop the femme attitude, and you will go far.

And in the process—don’t forget all the other stuff!

Fiona,

What are you doing to give yourself a female waist? I am interested too because I have been thinking about doing that and haven't found any good way of doing it.

Rebecca

Hi Minako,

I am not sure exactly what you mean.
I am sure that passing is very important, serious and is not a game. Just to let you know my perspective, I am a MTF Transsexual and live my life female on the check-out cash registers at Target. I am in the public eye about 125 people see me every day, yet I know that many suspect but are very nice. My experiences are from these interactions.
I will tell you a story. I once lived in Buffalo, New York. The Transgendered community is somewhat large there. Many of the Lesbians and Gays are "out" in the community. However, most of the Transgendered community are not "out" at all. The reason for this is because of the dangers that are connected with prejudice and hate. I knew most if not all of the Transsexuals in the community and many of the transgendered and they are my friends. Just before I moved to Davenport, Iowa one of my Transsexual friends was "outed" in public. She was totally passable as a female and I’m sure that no one would be able to tell because she was beautiful with no traces of masculinity at all, unless someone mentioned it. Five young straight boys stalked her and found out where she lived. One day they broke into her apartment, raped her, beat her up and killed her. I was devastated. That was one of the reasons I moved away from Buffalo. The dangers were too great, life and death. I don’t want to scare you however, going out into public needs to be treated with caution, knowledge and care. What I wanted from this discussion, was to learn what each of you have done to pass in public as a female. I have already learned a great deal and I am sure that you have learned too. This would help all of us learn even more from each other so that we would be safer when we are in public. I am interested in how you were able to pass so well in public? I pass very well in public too but not without some doubts. I want to learn more so I may do the same thing you have all learned to put me closer to my goal of completely passing without a doubt.

Rebecca

'Becca--

What I mean is simple: too often, passing is seen as the ultimate "must-do"--and many people make that their life's goal.

We do not all pass, 100% of the time. (Some less than others.)

I guess where I am at is working on the attitude of passing, rather than dealing strictly with looks. Because passing is more than looks...it is about what we project.

Mina

dear rebecca well dear i live in new york city and i belong to a cd group called cdi,and i travel to my group on the subway all nicely dressed ,very conservative so not to attract attention,but as pretty as i can be,sometimes i notice people staring at me so all i do is smile at them and then the tension is broken and they go back to whatever they were doing,this works all the time and i just sit and enjoy the ride ..all my love phylis anne

I think that we have learned a great deal form this discussion and we can learn more. I have summarized what you have taught me. I have excluded any of my comments from this list. I would like everyone else to make a list similar to this one and we can then focus on what we can do to make ourselves more presentable to the public as women.

1. We do better when we don’t care.

2. When we go into public dressed well, but not over the top.

3. When we don’t think about ourselves, no one notices us at all.

4. We can not be bothered worrying about whether people notice or not.

5. It is easier to forget trying to be a girl and just be one.

6. Our weight is not as important as how we present ourselves in public. When we dress trying to take on the female shape we decrease our chances of being noticed in the public eye.

7. To keep from being "read" try to dressing like any other woman. We need to try to blend in with everybody else so we don't get noticed.

8. If we dress right, feel right our attitude will work like a charm in helping us blend in.

9. Even unattractive women pass because of their femininity. There is no appearance, behavior or clue of any male traits whatsoever. The presence, or not, of feminine physical elements can help, but it's not required to pass.

10. We do not all pass, 100% of the time and many genetic women don’t pass either.

11. Passing is more than looks...it is about what we project.

12. When we travel in public nicely dressed ,very conservative so not to attract attention, the important thing is when we are notice by people, all we need to do is smile at them and the tension is broken. They go back to whatever it was they were doing.

Hi Rebecca,

I agree with your comments and advice.

I actually think there are very, very few transgendered women who pass 100% of the time, particularly those who only spend part of their time in female mode. In today's world people are much more perceptive about even very subtle differences in appearance and behaviour - certainly more so than in the 70s and 80s. A lot of girls will pass - walking down the street - through the shopping centre - and in short interactions with others - but it becomes much more difficult the longer the interaction. I remember a comment made to me by an older tranny when I was in my 20s 'if you wait 'til you're sure you'll pass - you'll never go out'.

I really think you have to get to the point where it is no longer critical to you whether you are passing or not all of the time. I do not go out dressed as much now as I used to so I am by no means an expert - plus I am one of those lucky 5'6", 140lb trannies so nature is on my side to some degree. Nevertheless, I know I'm not going to pass some people at some point during each outing and my attitude is always that I should look and behave as best I can. Then when I am read, the 'reader' will hopefully think - 'I'm pretty sure that's a tranny but Jeez! she's OK'.

So with that in mind I do tend to dress up [smart office wear] rather than dress casually. Another reason is if I look quite feminine it makes me feel better and each outing is a special occasion. So I never tread too close to casual or androgynous looks....but I think if I were to transition and spend most of my time en femme then I would.

But each of us needs to develop a look and a manner that we're comfortable with and works with our personality.....because unless you're Dustin Hoffman in the end you have to be yourself.

Finally there IS sometimes the view that 'passing' is about looking 'pretty' and this is definitely not the case. There are many pretty photogenic t-girls who wouldn't pass much of the time - and I have met a number of extremely average looking trannies who had developed an average look - who would pass regularly.

love Fiona

If you would dress just like the others that would help you to pass. But I don´t like to dress like most of the finnish women, in trousers, a short cut hair... I want to express myself, I have my style. I love skirts and they fit me well, because I am tall and slim. But I notice over and over again, in trains or buses, that I´m the only lady in a skirt. Yet I seem to pass, as far as I can tell. My style is maybe more central european or even mediterranean style. And I have been mistaken for a foreigner a few times. More often than for a man .

Laura

Dear Fiona,

I am so very glad that you have placed your actual picture on your profile. Many times we are our own worst critics. We always think that we do not look very good. Well I just want you to know that you are attractive. I just want you to know from my point of view that you look good. Your just the average good looking girl.

Feel good about yourself.

LOL
Rebecca C

i try to keep from being "read",by trying to dress the same as any other woman.Like not wearing things that are gonna get you noticed,or that make you stand out like a sore thumb.basically i try to blend in with everybody else so i don't get noticed.And i haven't been"read" yet so i must be getting it right eh!! lol maria xxx