Hi everyone! In August of 2007 I decided to take positive steps toward altering my exterior physical form to be more in tune with who I have been since birth... a female human being. Both of my parents have passed on, leaving me with an older sister and two younger brothers in my immediate family. In addition, my sister's children (a boy and a girl - both adults now) comprise the balance of the group to which I feel the closest on this planet. My sister and nephew live in the same city as I do, and I informed each of them of my plans shortly after I had made my decision to transition. The rest of the clan is scattered from Puerto Rico to Costa Rica to Taiwan. Initially I felt that anything less than an in-person face-to-face explanation of the situation would not be satisfactory. Telling my sister and nephew was something I was able to do quickly since they live nearby. I recently had a phone conversation with my younger brother during which I divulged my transsexuality. I decided to tell him over the phone because the possibility of flying to Puerto Rico only to be faced with total rejection did NOT appeal to me. It would have been VERY uncomfortable. Luckily, my brother was incredibly accepting and his main concern was that I was receiving competent medical treatment and psychological advice. But a few days later I received an angry and accusatory call from him. He had called our sister who told him that she had been uncomfortable talking to him since she knew of my plans and he did not. I hadn't realized that she felt that way. At any rate, my brother ordered me in a very angry way to bring the rest of the family up to speed as soon as possible to prevent further feelings of discomfort. While I did NOT appreciate his tone (like I'm supposed to have these problems pre-diagnosed - hey! I'm doing my best... this is the first time I've had to contend with the etiquette of coming out to family and friends), he does bring up a valid point. Having some of your family privy to your plans and others not - for whatever reason - can only lead to friction, hurt feelings, and misunderstanding. A couple of heartfelt and carefully worded emails later, I feel much better now that ALL of my family is aware of this new chapter in my life! If this message helps to prevent just one person's feelings being hurt, or renders unnecessary an angry tirade like I received, it was worth the time it took for me to peck it out on this keyboard!
amanda

Thanks to all who have responded! Anna-Marie, I do believe the most difficult part of this journey is behind me - emotionally speaking. It was VERY difficult to come out to my family; telling my friends and acquaintances has been a day at the beach in comparison. Anne Selene, if you are as relieved as I am having come out to your Mom as I have with my family, it's like having a 400 lb. gorilla taken off of your back. And Nikki, I didn't mean to sound as if I think full disclosure to family is imperative for everyone - I simply wanted to point out a pitfall which I encountered so that others might be able to avoid it. By the way, Nikki, I really do appreciate the time you take to respond to the postings of others... I think you have replied to all of my rants, raves, and blogs! How to present one's self to the world-at-large is a decision that must be made by each individual for themselves. Personally, I feel much better now that all of my family members are aware of my desire to transform. Even after SRS, I plan to adhere to an androgynous persona - at nearly 6'2" tall with size 12 feet hands and voice to match, becoming a "passable" tranny just isn't in the cards for me. Those who know me will accept me as female. I have no problem projecting an aura of nebulous sexuality to those who do not know me... let them scratch their heads and wonder after I have walked by! Again, thanks for your caring and support, (you. too, Wendy!) XOXOXOXO for all!!
amanda
p.s. since I am a "work-in-progress" and continually evolving, I have changed my name from
amanda lane to amanda lavender - I fell in love with the scent in a sachet included in one of
new wardrobe purchases on eBay!

I have to admit you are courageous Amanda... I still have not come out to my parents, but the circle I have come out to has grown bit by bit...

telling the family has got to be one of the hardest things anyone can go through.

You Go Girl

I really don't see how size is a matter... it's more about your perception of yourself... if you see yourself passing as a female in your mind, chances are that you will, according to your standards, and in the end, isn't that the only thing that matters?

Hey Nikki and Danique--do not worry as I have size 10 feet (in mens size).

Thank all of you so much for your hopeful and supportive response, I really do appreciate the collective positive energy that Tweb generates. I thought I'd relate what I think is the most priceless reaction I have received in coming out. My friend Charlotte has been cutting my hair for well over 20 years, and she was completely unaware of my plans when I sat down in her chair a few days ago. She asked how I would like my hair cut, and I said, "Make it short and low-maintenance. But I want it to be feminine because I'm getting a SEX-CHANGE!" Without batting an eyelash, she came back with, "I suppose that's ONE way of keeping retirement from getting boring!"

Hi girls, I recent came out to my sister - though it was by accident - a neighbour of mine who she knows 'spotted me'. The encouraging thing was that my sister was so gentle and thoughtful about how she raised the subject with me that it would have been a major guilt trip had I not discussed in length with her how I saw my situation.

The rest of the family will get to know in due course, but I'm encouraged by the comments here and that, since being part of the TW community, I have found many friends and much support.

That said, I've already experienced that it's a bit more tricky in the flesh; it's so much easier to hide behind an internet 'handle' and be the girl you want to be. Doing it for real is less so.

Nevertheless, I'm pressing on...

XXX

Debbie

It is interesting how you call it "tricky." I think it is obvious chatting with someone or reading their postings, who is hiding behind an "internet handle" and who is real. Trying to be two different people is very tough and I know from personal experience it can be an emotional nightmare. My opinion is the best thing you can do for yourself is just be you, just let the real you out. The honesty of it all will show through in all you do and I believe the acceptance of the real you will be much greater because of it.
Best wishes,
Marsha

When I came out to my immediate family, all went smoothly initially, however, both of my sisters took it upon themselves to share the news with other extended family members, and the news spread far and wide in a hurry, in the form of family gossip.

I resent that, as I feel that it is MY prerogative to decide with whom and when I will share this information. For instance, if a former employer tells a potential employer that I am transgender, it's a violation of my rights under the Health Information Privacy Protection Act. The damage is done, though and nowt I can do about it.

I feel tat no matter how the news is spread, onceit is spread, it can't be unspread... Whichever way someone takes it, there are always people that will take it the other way... whether I tell my family or not has been plaguing me for a long while, however my ex-gf seems totally accepting

Robyn is 100% correct. The damage is already done. As for taking action, just try and prove it. Number one, they are not going to be so stupid to say we are not hiring you because you are trans. Typical they will either blow you off by telling you they have not made a decision or they will just say they found a more suitable candidate.

I have now told everyone who is important to me so I feel so much relief because of it. I am also fortunate that I am self-employed which gives me some breathing room on the job issue. But the fact is these are issues that need to be taken seriously before you open your mouth to just anyone.

Hugs,
Marsha

As many of you will already know, I've been living just about full-time as Angela now for a couple of months.

Both at home and at work, acceptance has been "complete", But, in comparison to the home situations that some of you have, for me, it was relatively easy to make the change-over, as I'm not married, so I don't have the "complication" of wife and children to consider!
However, to balance that out, my work, possiblycould have caused a few more problems for me, than the "average" work situation, as my work brings me into close contact with various sections of "the media", from paperazzi upwards. So my working as Angela could become a very "public" outing, but, with a bit of fore-planning, it actually went very well, in theend.

But, although everyone involved in my life/work has been fully accepting of me, the comment made earlier here about not neccessarilly coming out to ALL family and friends, unless you have to, is relevent to my life, at present.

Until last weekend, there was a family member who had NO idea of what was going on in my life at present, as she lives in London, and I'm in Dublin, and so, until now, there was no reason to tell her, as it wouldn't have been neccessary, and also, as I was unsure of what her reaction would be. So ............ why tell, when you don't need to?

But, as she was visiting me for a few days, last weekend, I've now told her all about it, with her being here, there was no way to avoid it! Otherwise, she still wouldn't "need to know",
(I'm still unsure about what her real reaction/feelings about it are ..................... but that's not the point here).

What I'm trying to put across here is that .............. everyone's "coming out" to family, etc. is completely different, a little thought about how/why you're "coming-out" to them helps a lot! And, do you "need" to. If it's not going to effect them, do you have to tell them?

Maybe, just "immediate" family need to be told, initially, but, if you feel the wider family should know ............ ok ........ it's a personal choice, that will be different for everyone.

Whatever choice anyone makes, I hope it goes as well for you as it did for me !!!!

Hugs,
Angela. xxx.

Amanda, you've done the Hardest thing a girl ever has to do in coming "out" to her family. I know cos i went through the same situation a few years back & now things are just great. Things can only get better for you from now on hon.....enjoy it!


Lol xxxxxxxxx
Anna-Marie

Amanda,

The good news is that you will make more friends here on TW than you will lose by coming out. Welcome and good luck Sister

I don't disagree with you Amanda, you feel you should tell the whole family then that is fine. Only you can decide what is best for your situation.

However, I would like to offer another view here. I think many TS's feel they HAVE to come out to family. Why? Particularly if they are scattered across the globe? I don't believe we NEED to come out to anyone unless we want to. I have no problem with others just 'finding out' about me instead of being told.

Of course there are situations (work, children etc) where you should come clean but where does it stop? Do you tell a couple of friends but not others? Do you get your whole family together and tell them in one go, or one at a time? Or tell some who will let the rest know?

Perhaps people could share their experiences here. For me, I never came out to my family, they have simply not known me any other way. They probably could never decide if I was TS or gay lol.

Nikki

"At nearly 6'2" tall with size 12 feet hands and voice to match, becoming a "passable" tranny just isn't in "the cards for me. Those who know me will accept me as female."

Wise words Amanda, and realistic. I could never pass either but I am accepted and that is all that I ask. Those people who are important to you will never see you as anything but 100% female.

Nikki

very funny, Amanda

Robyn that's also against the law.
If you can prove it you can take action.