Forum » Gender Society Public Forums » Passing in public » The importance of looking.

The importance of looking.

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  • Which is a strange title for this thread but I'll try to explain. Most of us aren't blessed, regardless of how we feel, with the ability to just throw on a t-shirt and jeans and look like a woman. A very dear friend taught me that it is not what you're wearing but how you look. Imagine all the time that you are being watched and assessed until it becomes a mindset. Everything you do is done with deliberation. Whether it is in your movements, when you cross your legs, when you rise from a chair, how you hold a glass. That everything you do is an expression of your femininity, all the time. But that's not be confused with effeminacy. She taught me that you never just look at a camera you stare into it. You never just look into the distance, you focus on something. You do this regardless of how you're dressed, or what you are doing, or where you are. Over time this gives you great poise and self-confidence. It also effects how others see and respond to you because what they perceive is someone who is elegant and feminine but not camp and effeminate. As such, it is very difficult for them to pigeon-hole and target you, because they simply don't know. So they can only respond to you as the person you are. It is important that you maintain this at all times whether you are on your own or in a public place. My friend doesn't look like a woman but she passes as one, and is beautiful and feminine all the time. That is why she passes, it is her femininity. She gets looked at but admiringly for her poise and elegance. It may seem a strange comparison but Carla Bruni, who recently visited this country with her slimy husband Nicolas Sarkozy, gave an absolute masterclass in it. I'm not sure I've explained myself very well but I hope you understand. It is the constant physical expression of everything we are, conscious and deliberate, until it becomes otherwise.
    Porscha
      March 28, 2008 8:52 AM GMT
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  • Porscha, you have described a level of elegant, controlled feminity that no doubt we all desire, and have set the bar very high. There will be much studying, staring and contemplation this weekend.. I didn't see too much of the Sarkozy / Bruni visit, but you're quite right. She did look reassured, great repose. Commentators likened her outfits to Jackie Kennedy's, they were very elegant, understated, confident. So I think you're right, controlled elegance might well be the order of the day, rather than look-at-me flirtation. This, I think, is why feline qualities are often metaphorically applied to women. Poise, purr, pounce.
    a girl at heart and a proper person too
      March 28, 2008 1:40 PM GMT
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  • ooooooh Palomar..
    when I posted thread similar to this on another site I got absolutely trashed! So mant TGs howled that pise/elegance/femininity didn't matter...maybe not to them but it does to me...and you..
      March 31, 2008 10:21 AM BST
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  • ooooooh Palomar..
    when I posted thread similar to this on another site I got absolutely trashed! So many TGs howled that poise/elegance/femininity didn't matter...maybe not to them but it does to me...and you?
      March 31, 2008 10:36 AM BST
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  • What an excellent thread Porscha, and you are so right too. My s/o pretty much said the same thing to me in 'not letting your guard drop' until it became second nature. Now I find myself acting the same regardless of how I am supposed to be presenting.

    Your point about appearing effeminate is interesting since I used to be concerned that that is how I might be seen but I was so wrong. Even in drab these days, people just don't know, which I think is great. Since I have to work in drab it's the best I can hope for.

    I have also found that with a little foundation and restyled hair, you can then really be accepted for being a woman. It's that easy.

    Nikki

    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      March 31, 2008 11:08 AM BST
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  • Rose - I am stunned to think that any girl does not think that posture/poise/elegance/femininity is not important?!?! It is all part of being a woman, part of the whole package.

    What is the point of trying to look gorgeous if you then stomp around like a rugby player?

    Nikki
    Every woman is beautiful, some show it with their faces, others show it with their hearts.
      March 31, 2008 11:12 AM BST
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  • 734
    Nikki!

    Could'nt agree more. Its exactly what I said in the other thread. Deportment.

    Much love

    Rae xx
    www.raekelcou.com
      March 31, 2008 11:53 PM BST
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  • 734


    mmm, there are times when I think I should change my username from 'Rae Kelcou' to 'Thread Killer'!

    Much love

    Rae xx
    www.raekelcou.com
      April 3, 2008 11:40 PM BST
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