I had a conversation with someone who doesn’t really understand what being TS is, but he does have a very good understanding of human beings.

I explained to him that I have always changed the inside to match the outside but now I have decided to change the outside to match the inside and currently I am in between.

His response to that was that I had to stop leading two lives. He said that when I become a woman 100% I will lose all my old friends and I will make new ones to suit my new gender. He said that I would probably move to somewhere like Manchester to live with my own kind, start a new job and a new life.

I expressed my disagreement. I said I will still live in the same home, I will have my family and daughter around me, and that I intend to keep my friends and keep my old life, because I was quite content with it.

He said, telling your friends you are going to change is fine, but when I turn up all dressed up etc it will be a shock and most wont be able to deal with it and my hurt feelings will drive me to start a new life.

Again I disagree, friends who have known my old self for over 10 years who have seen me as Penny have been really cool and accepting and treated me as my old self but just with a different gender, which I thought, how it should be.

I understand that not everyone has understanding people in their lives but I want to get a general consensus from people who have changed their gender full time, how much has your life changed in regard to work and friends? How realistic is it for me to keep my current existence but with a different gender?

Thx
Penny
Xxx

Ani he is just expressing his own personal views based on how he would react.
my experience.

Work. I was in an unusual position of my existing employer still wanting me to work for them and bending over backwards to accomodate my change and another employer happy to take me on as a TSwoman so my work situation was and is a very positive one.

Family this will vary and if your family allready know about your coming change in status then you know more than anyone how they will be when you transition.My family have been fine once they recovered from the shock.

Friends. Now in my view their are friends and there are aquantances. All my friends where in my circle of friend because of the caliber of who they are the type of people they are. I have not lost a single friend due to me transitioning. They love me and I them. Real friends will love you unconditionally unless of course you do something outrageous to them or their family but becoming your real self just means being a happier person and real friends would want their friend to be happy what ever that may entail.

Ani you should be able to keep most of your current existance with no problem you will discover who are your real and true friends are on this journey and you will make new friends too. For me I have already developed new friendships with many women and have been very happily accepted in their circles. A friend is a friend regardless of gender.
Overall for me my life is happier and far easier to live than it was previously.

Beacuse you have laid out the groundwork already for your change in status I see no real issues ahead for you.

thats my own experience Ani hope yours works out just as well.

Sarah.X

Ani, that is what I'll be dealing with soon as well.

I plan to start living full time in August. I will be keeping the same group of friends and the same lifestyle. All of my closest friends that I've come out to are fully supportive of me. And everytime I tell someone, I make it perfectly clear that if they have any questions or if theres anything they want to talk about that they can come to me. I tell them that we'll all be more comfortable the more we understand. And that is my goal, to help everyone understand why I'm doing this.

I'm sure it depends on the situation. Not everyone is going to have friends that will accept it just like that. I am very fortunate with my friends, family, and girlfriend.

Work wise; when I'm about to go full time I will talk to the 2 owners and my manager. If they are comfortable with it, I'll stay and give it a shot. If they aren't, I'll leave because I won't want to work somewhere where its going to be uncomfortable. I will let them know this.

The work concern is also customers who might realize the change. That this one guy who has worked here for over 2 years is "gone" and this woman who looks similar is in his place. If I were to stay and it caused discomfort among customers, I definitely would consider leaving unless the upper management gave me reason not to.

Only time will tell. But the biggest thing to do I think is to offer as much help to your friends as possible. Make it known that you will work with them to understand your reasoning for transitioning and what it means to you. Let them know that understanding will lead to comfort. Not all will be receptive but not all will be rejective either.

Good luck, Ani! We're all rooting for you. :-)

<3 Angelyn

This almost sounds like that friend I lived with for a while after being kicked out. While he has accepted my being TG, he still will never understand it. He still makes fun of it, or puts it down on occasion. That's why I don't speak much to him anymore. He has his life, I have mine. I wish him well.

I don't even try to explain and/or justify who I am to those who won't give try to listen. I go about my business.

Ani, you are both right.

Some family will be with you, some will turn against.

True friends will stick by you and support you, the rest will fall by the wayside. You will gain others, sometimes from unexpected directions.

Some places of work will indeed band over backwards, others will appear to do so and figure out some form of contructive dismissal. Legally, they can't do so openly, but...

I have a small family, and they are all with me, though it took a lot of effort to make it so. My son was the same age as your daughter, and we made it work. My ex and I are friends. My mum accepts, though it was a long time coming, and she still does not understand. And my brother is ok. Not happy, but ok.

I lost a few friends, but now have more than I ever did before, through work, online and just being out being me.

I lost one job (I was fitted up), got another temporary part-time one, during which I did some training more suited to a female role, (you really have to be prepared to start at the bottom again, new face, new place etc.), and then worked the agencies until I got another. Redundancy loomed there, but I was in the right place at the right time, and moved on just in time to an even better one. Since then it has been onwards and upwards.

It takes time, and will have ups and downs.
The end result will be an inner serenity knowing you have done the right thing, are being true to yourself, and life is good.

Best wishes for the future.

Ani.....this person aint worth worrying about one bit trust me. As for losing all your old friends, if they are REAL friends then they will stand by you. If i'm honest, the work situation aint good although at the voluntary one i have at the moment is ok. Not once have i had any bother with anyone there, infact ALL the peeps there have accepted me 100%. As for friends, a lot of my old friends have known for a few years & the odd one or two have a bit funny with me.
But on the whole they've been very understanding.

Even people that know my mum& dad......those that i thought woud have been uncomfortable around me have actually come out & said that it did'nae bother them at all which was quite a surprise to me( a nice one!). You're obviously well settled in norwich so dont let anyone tell you otherwise.

4 Years ago when i was having all that trouble, someone said to me" well why dont you move somewhere else" & i said why should i move just because some people are are prejudiced & ignorant?. All my friends & family are here, besides that i my roots are here too & i'm not going anywhere"

I Guess what i'm tryin to say is dont let yourself be pushed around by others, just stand your ground & stand up for what you believe to be right.


LOL xxxxxxxxx
Anna-Marie

Hi Ani,

I think your expectations are quite reasonable and right. Whilst I accept the person you conversed with may not understand TS - I would question your assertion they understand human beings!

If you were to lose all your friends simply because you're transitioning then they were'nt exactly friends to start with. I'd be surprised if you lose any.

I appreciate my position could be seen as not quite TS as I'm a bit of an in-betweeny. But the basics are the same. In the journey between who I pretended to be and who I am now, I have not lost a single friend and have, instead, gained several more. But, like any one, I choose my friends very carefully and it can take years of knowing me before I consider a person a friend. [A quick count up and I think I have about twenty-five or so people I class as friends]. The rest are acquantences whose numbers naturally ebb and flow.

I lost touch with one friend for about 25yrs and he recently found me via facebook and got in contact. It was good to hear from him but I made sure I told him who I was now. His response was 'no problem, Rae, you were a great friend back then and still are'. And he's a good friend I made way back when I was in the army, we were in the Corps of Royal Military Police together - talk about trying to prove your masculinity! lol.

As for family, thats easy for me. Due to the brutalised nature of my childhood we are not at all close. I don't see my brothers from one decade to the next and never want to see my father. And that suits me fine.

My concerns are always for my friend's friends who may not know me and what they may think and how that may affect my friend's relationship with them. So far, they've all just accepted Rae as Rae and thats that. Sometimes I find it mildly irritating, lol - here I am with all the answers ready for any questions or strange receptions, and not one person has brought the subject up!

Thats a long winded way of saying, girl, just go about your life the way you intend to.

Much love

Rae xx