July 29, 2008 12:16 PM BST
Well you were warned, Long Irish joke as told to me by a German.
Paddy a new recruit during world war II, undergoing training. Because of Paddy's apparent incompetance with a dangerouse weapon, his captain thought it would be safer for his comrades if paddy was armed with a wooden rifle. When paddy queried the logic, the captain told him everytime paddy got a german in his sights he was to shout out bang, bang,
It was a gloomy day in the trenches, when the Germans attacked, but paddy was up there with the rest of his comrades, every time he caught a german in his sights, paddy would shout out bang, lo and behold at each banf a german soldier fell mortally wounded. just a coincidence
that his comrades were aiming at the same target.
Hours went by and the germans kept advancing, eventually
the order was given to fix bayonets, paddy was imediately confused, his captain drew his own bayonet and fachen a crude point on the end of paddys wooden rifle, handing it back to paddy he ordered him to shout stab, stab at every thrusting movement paddy made,
The order was given to advance, paddy ran forward towards the enemy, shouting stab stab, at every stab down went a german, actually slipping in the mud and mire of the battle field.
Suddenly paddy was aware of a massive german soldier advancing towards him a colossus of germanic manhood,
Paddy thought, quckly, deciding to let the german have everything he had, bang, bang, bang, stab, stab, stab shouted paddy, the german collosus kept on coming, stomping poor paddy into the mud, crushing him.
As the massive German tore throught the british lines the german was heard muttering, TANK, TANK, TANK
July 29, 2008 11:53 PM BST
July 29, 2008 11:59 PM BST
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
And then there was the Irish baker how sued the local baker for forging his signature on a hot cross bun.
“Sean”, said Mick, “did you know we only use one third of our brains?” “No,” said Sean. “What happens to the other third?”
“Paddy, Oi missed the soccer. What was the score?” “Shure ‘twas a great game they played Mick,” said Paddy. “The score was nil all.” “And what was it at half time?” “Oi don’t know Mick. Oi was only there for the second half.”
Flanigan: ‘My mother-in-law has just eloped with my best friend.’
Lanigan: ;What was his name?’
Flanigan: ;I don’t know. I’ve never met the fellow.’
Paddy: “Did yez mark the place where the fishing was good?”
Mick: “Yes, Oi put an ‘x’ on the side of the boat.”
Paddy: “Shure! What if we should take the wrong boat next time?”
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Irish Joke...". The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Irish, both bouncers are Irish and so are most of my customers"
"Okay" says the customer,"I'll tell it very slowly."
August 3, 2008 10:35 PM BST
you'll like this one girls
whats long, thin & full of thick seamen?
..an Irish Submarine!!!..lol
Lol xxxxxxxxxx
Anna-Marie
August 4, 2008 3:25 AM BST
Actually, here is something true -
When the Irish were immigrating to America in large numbers they were not very welcomed here, except as a source of very cheap labor.
It was said that the wheelbarrow was the greatest of inventions because it taught an Irishman to walk on his hind legs.
