I hope this is the best place to post this.

Why do i have doubts?

All my life i have felt i should have been born female, always looked at women with more envy than desire. Thought long and hard about what i need to do to make me the person i should be but i still have doubts. I don't know if it is the fear of doing it, What others will think especially my children or whether it is right for me. I dress daily in my place and it feels natural and normal though i do not get all made up, just comfortable with who i am. I know to transition is the right thing for me but i still have doubts.

What i am really asking is was it was the same for you? Did you have niggling doubts or were sure you were doing the right thing.

P.S. i suffer from anxiety and panic a lot which is not helping me either.

Alexx

Alexx, dear--

Welcome to the club! Most of us have had doubts, at one time or another. That includes me, although as time has marched on I have had far less doubts. Part of that is learning who--not what!--I am.

I have said before that this is a journey. We all are at differing points on the journey. I am much farther along now than I was when I first came here, and yet, have much farther to go.

Rae gave some great advice. Read a lot of the posts here, on a variety of topics. You can also visit my website, if you want to, by clicking here. I have written a lot of stuff there over the years. Check out some of the blogs here on T-Web as well. Remember, knowledge is power, and when used well and wisely, can do great things. (Of course, used improperly it can blow your hands off, too. )

There will also come a point, hon, when you will start making decisions one way or another. In fact, coming here is one of those decisions. Think through things, and don't rush into anything. Some of us here have been making progress for years; some have made a lot of progress very quickly.

Some of us have made the final change into womanhood. Others will never go there, content to dress up once in a while. Yet others of us, myself included, are looking at all options and not discounting a thing. I am looking at things now that I never dreamed of ten years ago, and living more as a woman now then I ever thought possible.

Not all things are right--but only you can determine that, sweetie. If having "The Operation" is where you really, really want to go...better to be sure now, then regret it later and for the rest of your life.

E-mail me if you want to discuss things!

Luv 'n hugs,

Dr. Minako Sakura

Hi Alexx, Like the others, I too have had my doubts, and though I know who and what I am, I always wonder if I'll ever live my true life. I can't add anything more to what the others have said, except find yourself a good therapist. When immediate family is involved it can be especially difficult and you will find plenty of cause for doubts. Let a therapist help you discover yourself and remember that the girls here are always willing to help. Hugs.

Yes I had doubts. I wondered if I could really go through with all this, wondered if I could really get along in life if I was to spend the rest of it as a woman. Wondered how my family would react. I certainly wasn’t certain about it all. I doubted myself for years, and others around me, and what it all meant and if I would really be better off or just be considered a freak for the rest of my life and shunned or ridiculed by everyone…
Now, apparently, I am “as rare as rocking horse manure”. Ugh.
Not the way I think of myself really, I’m just like all my other close TS friends who have transitioned and are just getting along with life.
I think what happened is that I became more and more certain that I could not go on living as male. Could not keep up the pretence. Could not keep on destroying myself. I stopped doubting my existence, and took control of my life.
That’s what you have to do – take control. You can do it, anyone can. Once upon a time I never believed I could do it, but I did.
It’s there if you want it.
xx

LOL, If you notice, I just copied what Lucy said because she said it so well. Doubts are a combination of uncertainty and fear of the unknown. In one form or another I think we all go through it. No one is the same, and factors like family and work can dramatically effect each one of us. My doubts were whether or not I could keep my family together or keep my business going. I also remember the days thinking I could never pass without thousands of dollars of FFS. Today I find myself with the support of my entire family, business is as strong as ever, and besides laser facial hair removal I have had no FFS and I seem to pass 100% at first glance. I do believe doubts allow you to stay focused on what needs to be accomplished, whether stronger family ties or physical and mental changes needed for a smoother transition.

Rae mentioned those without doubts are as rare as rocking horse manure. Like Lucy, I do believe those doubts go away as you transition, so I to must be “as rare as rocking horse manure”. Does that mean it really isn't rare?

Hugs,
Marsha

Hiya, I believe everyone has doubts, which is healthy. There is a lot of working stuff out to do to make such a big change and it is unchartered territory!! Which is scarey for everyone! For me, it was a matter of following my hearts desires and needs and taking small steps to test the water, for want of a better metaphore, and seeing if it was right for me. Its not the right path for everyone.

I'm sure you will spend a lot of time thinking about the best journey for you.

Good luck
Penny
x

Echoing what has been said here, Mark Twain said...

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.”

Thankyou all for letting me know that i am not alone with having some doubts about myself. I suppose i will become stronger and more resolute on my journey having understood and worked out my uncertainties. It is nice to know that what is happening to me is normal as it is very rare fro me to doubt my decisions.
Once again thankyou for taking your time to reply to me.

Alexx

Hi Alexx

Have doubts? Hmmm. I am 6 foot tall, was VERY muscualr. Good looking [even did some modeling]. Nice mascualine voice. Intelligent etc etc. What is not to like about me being male right?
And yet I hate every minute of it because to me it is a lie.

When I tried to transition the first time years ago. Even though it was a LOT more dangerous at that time, yet I still never felt more free, more open, more ME then I ever have until recently.

Yes I had and have doubts. But mostly it is whether it is worth the pain of electrolysis, surgeries, the humiliation of trying to convince a stranger [therapist] that I deserve this so that i can get a surgeon to remove a birth defect. The alienation of old friends and all my family etc etc.

As for doubts, yes I have had them. But truly, if someone gave me a wand and I could just go zap and be an average woman. I would do it in an instant.

The biggest impediment for me currently is my age and lack of funds. Other then that I am ok LOL.


Hope that helps you out


Stephenie

Hi hunni,
Yep, here is as good a place as any to post! I'm sure you'll attract far better comments than mine..
IMHO there are no hard and fast rules. Should you have doubts? Has anyone else had doubts? Heck, the person whizzing along on their transition full of confidence and the joys of spring is, as they say, as rare as rocking horse manure.
Doubt is a good thing to have. If you allow it to be. It is simply your mind forcing you to revisit where you are, what you are doing and question that - solely for purposes of confirmation. Doubts answered? Then press ahead to the next landing post. Not answered? Rework what seems wrong.
This is being human. It's perfectly normal.
Everybody has a different route.
My best suggestion - which I hope you are doing anyway - is to read through a lot of the posts on this site. On most of the subjects. This will help describe the multitude of different ways and the multitude of different hardships encountered or overcome.
Most of all is to learn, enjoy and then decide as you go along. It's your journey and only you will know when you've arrived at where you should be.

Rae xx

Yes I had doubts. I wondered if I could really go through with all this, wondered if I could really get along in life if I was to spend the rest of it as a woman. Wondered how my family would react. I certainly wasn’t certain about it all. I doubted myself for years, and others around me, and what it all meant and if I would really be better off or just be considered a freak for the rest of my life and shunned or ridiculed by everyone…
Now, apparently, I am “as rare as rocking horse manure”. Ugh.
Not the way I think of myself really, I’m just like all my other close TS friends who have transitioned and are just getting along with life.
I think what happened is that I became more and more certain that I could not go on living as male. Could not keep up the pretence. Could not keep on destroying myself. I stopped doubting my existence, and took control of my life.
That’s what you have to do – take control. You can do it, anyone can. Once upon a time I never believed I could do it, but I did.
It’s there if you want it.
xx

I spent a long lifetime looking at my male face and body and thinking I must be crazy to think that I could be female but as it juts felt so natural to live female and i did not want to do anything that normal males did and what's more I was totally baffled at they way they acted and re-acted to all aspects of life that I had to admit I wasn't one and that I couldn't go on living as one which only left two alternatives...so I told everyone I was changing sex and started transition but if I'd had any inkling of all the trouble and strife I've had and lack of support from medics I think I'd have taken the other alternative and gotten a brief paragraph in the local paper: 'dead crossdresser wishes to be cremated in prettiest dress'.

Oh Lucy, lol, having re-read my post I have to confess it was clumsily worded. I meant someone going through transition from the first thought to the final day without doubt is rarer than...
I too am now wandering about full of the joys of spring

Rae xx

Doubts are perfectly normal and not limited to transitioning. Whether it's a new job, moving house, a relationship, we always juggle the pro's and con's (well mostly) which is just a way of reasoning it out with ourselves to see what we think the best solution is. Nothing unusual there so why shouldn't you have doubts about transitioning? I'd be concerned if a person didn't question it in some way, I'm pretty sure everyone will have at some point.

You just have to do what is right for you and yours.

Nikki

Alexx,
Better to have your doubts now than to have them after transitioning. This is a good place to talk over your doubts. At some point you will want to seek professional guidance. Perhaps some of the girls in UK can advise you on the best sources over there and when to seek help from NHS.

Welcome to TW and good luck, Sister.