Hi Julie

The advice given here is precisely accurate. YOU need to figure out who you are before you make permanent changes to your body or your life. Try to get some counseling to help you find your path.

As a crossdresser I have felt that very strong pull to femininity which lead me to think that I was a TS. I do consider myself transgender, I certainly feel girly enough. But I don’t have the definitive knowing that I need to make my gender and body match.

After years of much internal discussion mixed with therapy and talking to exhaustion to trusted friends (I’m sure they are tired of hearing about it) I have figured out I’m a man trapped in a man’s body, but with strong feminine feelings. The definition that most closely matches me is the opposite of “tomboy” - would that be “janegirl” - in that I like girly things but know that I’m a man, like some girls like ‘guy’ things but know they are fully female. Unfortunately, the opposite of a tomboy isn’t janegirl, it is sissy – and that carries a whole horde of bad connotations.

Julie, you need to figure out where on the continuum between male and female, you are and there is nothing saying you have to be at the ends, or even at a constant point. I tend to float around in the middle, and realizing that has made a big difference in so many aspects of my life.

In closing I want to welcome you to TW and hope you stick around.

Hugs Jeri

I have been reading a lot on the Tranny Web and was hoping some of my sisters would offer me some advice. I am a CD but at a very difficult cross road in my life. I would like to transition into the realm of transexual but I am a man! My genetics are XY not XX. How would HRT and SRS make me a women? It can't because I will never have overies, a uterus or real vagina. How do some of you say you are a women when you don't have the necessary plumbing? How do think that by having SRS makes you a women, at the core of our genetics we are and always will be men. The results that HRT offers, female body shape, softer skin etc... makes me think that HRT is for me but then I think about all the medical results and they scare the S&%T out of me. Any advice would be great

Well softer and feminine skin can be achieved by hair remover and moisturizing creams along with other beauty products.As far as surgery is concerned the women who have gone through it on this site could advice.

Hiya Julie,

I understand your perspective and it is very confusing even for the best of people let alone us mere mortals.

I’m going to type out a few things that I have learnt. I’m not saying any of it is the be all and end all, just that it is my understanding of situations.

Most people who are transgender have what are considered typical human bodies, so you would be in with the majority of transsexuals if you didnt have AIS and wasnt intersexed in some way.

I notice you refer to yourself as a male and want to change to a woman. Do you consider yourself a male simply by the nature of your body? or is the person who you are inside, where your personality and character comes from, tell you that you are male or female? Transsexuals tend to alter their body to bring it into line with how they feel inside. Many transsexuals try to live the best they can in their natal gender until life implodes and one is unable to cope anymore. SRS doesnt turn anyone into a woman, you already need to be a woman inside, there are a few "men" who have made that mistake and now live as a man with a virgina.

It is best to live 2 years in the female gender before making any modifications to your body. Having a male body isnt going to stop any woman from living a successful life as a woman.

Also what should be considered is who your sex partners are, or who you want them to be? If your preference is with CDs or admirers you might find a lack of interest in you once your "extra" bits are gone. If you try to feminise yourself by taking hormones or herbal remedies you most likely find it will stop working!

HRT and SRS are only a small part of transitioning. There are more important things like changing your driving license and healthcare and tax identities, going to work as a woman, poping to the shop without any makeup on to buy stuff you have run out of like milk, going down the pub to see your friends. Theres a chance your family wont speak to you ever again. Speech therapy so the salesperson on the phone doesnt call you "Sir".

And its expensive!!!

Theres an awful lot to consider and to get right to transition successfully.

I wish you all the best in your journey and finding a happy and content life.
Penny
x

Julie, I think it is obvious that you are still fighting the conflict inside as to who you really are. Trying to justify yourself as male because of your chromosomes is ridiculous because there have been genetic females found with XY and males with XX that have reproduced normally. Rare but it exists. You also again try to justify yourself as male because you can never have a uterus or ovaries. What is a genetic woman who has had a full hysterectomy, she no longer has a uterus or ovaries?

According to your profile you are still young. Take your time to first find out who you really are. It might be worth finding a trained psychologist to work with you. I've believed I was a woman inside most my life. I grew up in the era that you just wanted to fit in and be normal so in my earlier days you kind of just fought off those urges. I am 51 now, been on hrt for 5 years, went fulltime just over a year ago, and plan on SRS this coming December. Do I wish I could have transitioned at a much younger age? Of course. Do I regret it? No, I've made the most of my life. All I'm saying is you don't need to rush. The last thing you want is to find yourself regretting it with the prospects of a long life to live with it.

Both Penny and Cristine gave great advice. Hormones will not make you a woman, they may give you more female physical features but they won't make you think and behave as a woman. Thinking and behaving as a woman only come from within. No amount of hormones or surgery will turn a man into a woman.

Hugs,
Marsha

Dearest Julie,

Your chromosomes may say XY to you but that neather makes you a man or a woman if you are not a woman allready in your soul or mind.Many sisters donot have he operations for one reason or another. Mostly money. There are many women that donot have overies or have small breasts . You have to believe and know you are a woman first before you know what road to take. Lots of things can help you look feminine .SRS has many strict regulations you have to meet before you can even have the surgery.Perhaps you should see a councilor and talk all this out with them first before going to far.SRS is just to make the outside look like who you are on the inside.

Thank you all for responding to my post. I do have along way to go with coming to terms with my gender identity, and I think that is my first step. The concept of "feeling like a woman inside" still doesn't sit well with me. What does it mean to feel like a women? When I asked my genetic female girlfriend (love you Amber ) that very question she coud not answer it. So how do we know we feel like women? (and "you just know" is not sufficient) When Amber helps me with my dressing, make up and support I am filled with a sense of peace in my world, all is right!

I applaud every lady that has the courage to follow her feelings. I lack the conviction to run with mine. I am unable to put my work ethics aside to achieve a false female exterior for my own mental well being. Especially knowing that there are serious medical risks and I will never know the FULL joys of womanhood (they are something magical). I can dress like a woman, I can doll myself up with hair and make-up, rewire my brain with HRT, use all the creams, potions and patches known to "man" but all of that won't help me "feel" like a woman.

Hiya Julie, I think your last parapragh is spot on, none of what you mention will make anyone or turn anyone into a woman.

TW is a great place to get other peoples insights and see how it is best for you to move forward in your life. Here are some aspects that people deal with...

I wish to point out that as everyone is different, every different individual will chose a different approach to how they cope with their gender dsyphoria. Just because someone choses a different path to what you might chose yourself doesnt mean it is wrong, its probably just right for them. I use the word "chose" lightly because sometimes there arnt any options to chose from.

I think its great that we have the freedom to be who we are without fear of ridicul and intolerance. Yes, there are difficulties with a small number of idiots but they are a very small minority and getting smaller everyday.

For those who struggle with their identity, I am glad that all these options, that Julie has mentioned, are available because without them, if desperate people wernt able to find a level of normality in their lives by adopting some of these then there would be a lot more suicides.

Since I have joined TW I have met and made many caring friends and its nice to be able to support eachother through whatever difficulties we may face on our journey.

Much Love
Penny
x

Julie, that "You just know" feeling is something you realize when it happens. There are two big events that standout for me while transitioning. Some of the gals here might remember me talking about them. First was when it hit me that while I was trying to live a dual life I realized I can't be two different people, there is only one of me. As simple as that sounds, it dramatically changed my life. I became myself and stopped trying to be someone I wasn't.

The second thing only happened last summer, remember I started hrt nearly 5 years ago and went fulltime in October 2008. After being on vacation I was reminiscing while taking a bubble bath and it all of a sudden struck me, I'm at peace with who I am. You are right, it is hard to convey what that really means or feels. But to me it was reassurance I was doing the right thing. I hope you find your peace.

Hugs,
Marsha

Dear Julie,
In your last posting you say,

1) "When Amber helps me with my dressing, make up and support I am filled with a sense of peace in my world, all is right!"
- that feeling is what most of us would feel under the same circumstances - but there are more important things that need to be present before considering going forward in this journey.

2) that you "lack conviction to run" with your feelings.
- Conviction is important and it guides us on our journey to Womanhood.

3) "I am unable to put my work ethics aside to achieve a false female exterior for my own mental well being"
- if your ethics tell you that a female exterior would be a "False Exterior", then you must not really consider your interior (emotionally speaking) as female. In saying that - you have answered your own question.

4) that you feel "that you can doll yourself up "with hair and make-up, rewire my brain with HRT, use all the creams, potions and patches known to "man" but all of that won't help me "feel" like a woman."
- this tells me that you actually have a good understanding of where you can NOT go as far as transitioning to a woman.
- knowing how far we can go - and where we can not go (gender-wise) is a gift in itself.

- I would suggest that you maintain the status-quo and not worry about going any further. Your present situation as a cross-dresser is nothing to be ashamed of and you should enjoy (and explore) it to the fullest.
- You may have already reached the perfect level for yourself - which is something that many people never achieve.

Good Luck to You...and may you have many happy times.

Doanna

........................................... ! Bullseye Doanna ! ...............................................

Julie, I have to echo Marsha's last post to a degree. You say 'you just know' is not an answer. But, actually it is. You just know. It may take a while to get to that realisation and there may be quite a circuitous route to travel on. But when you get there, well, you'll just know.
But recognising yourself as a woman starts very much on the inside. The physical is secondary. It's all about how the real you actually feels as a person. Where you are most comfortable and natural. And that's what you build on. If it transpires that that is being true to your female self, then the restraints are off. There is no difference, today, between a post-operative transexual and a female born that way. Apart, of course, from getting pregnant.
If, however, your inner feelings don't stretch that far, what difference does that make?
I suspect the truth is simply put. You have to be true to yourself. Whoever that may be.
Best wishes.
rae. x

Hi Julie. Some thoughtful responses here, and I think in your last post you’ve rally answered your own questions.

“I do have along way to go with coming to terms with my gender identity, and I think that is my first step.”
Oh yes.

“The concept of "feeling like a woman inside" still doesn't sit well with me. What does it mean to feel like a women?”
If it doesn’t feel like you are supposed to be a woman, then you probably aren’t supposed to be one. You enjoy the feeling of peace from expressing your feminine side, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you should live the rest of your life as female. In simple terms, most of us are either male, female or somewhere in between. If you believe you are intrinsically male then indeed, no amount of hormones or surgery will make you a woman.
But to those of us who “go all the way”, we don’t see ourselves as biologically male with a “false exterior”. Inside and out this is my reality; I am female. I always have been. My chromosomes are irrelevant; my gender identity is female. It’s something that has been imprinted in my brain since birth.
I’d agree with Marsha too, when you realise you can’t live a dual life, when you realise that presenting as male is effectively destroying your soul, THEN you know; then you know the only way you can present to the world is as female.
If that is the way you are meant to be then yes, you do “just know”.
xx

Julie,
What makes YOU a woman is in your brain, not your body. Normally they match up. If you are TS, you will know you are a woman and your body is incorrect if it is male. Sometimes this is less than clear for a person and you must be very careful about pursuing this path without a lot of knowledge and help from a qualified gender therapist.