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Re: On Starting Hormones

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  • Hi, Luvs!

    This will be posted here, in the General Discussion Forum (under "I'll Be Back"), and on my website, once I get it uploaded. You'll be able to use the link at the bottom of the page when I load it.

    Luv 'n hugs to all,

    Jayne Sakura

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    On Starting Hormones

    Disclaimer: Before I start writing this, I wanted…no, I needed to say one thing: Hormones ARE NOT for everyone. I understand the changes that will eventually happen to me, but I also know that this is right decision for me. This is a really major, somewhat drastic, and pretty permanent step, and I want you, dear reader, to glom onto this fact right now: These changes, once they start, will become permanent in 6-8 months or so. If you are a person who like to crossdress for fun or in private, or if you think that taking hormones will magically change your life into some sweet Cinderella story, then you do not want to start hormones. Ever. Do not EVEN take this as an endorsement to run right out and get some! I am already under a doctor’s care for a number of things, and this is being added to that. Let me repeat this: These changes, once they start, will become permanent in 6-8 months or so. That means, for example, that any breast growth that occurs will be there for good, for starters. Think about THAT, if nothing else, and how just that much will affect your life.

    Having said all that, I am starting down a new path on my journey toward womanhood. I am starting on hormones. Premarin, .625 mg tabs, to be precise. This is my Christmas gift to me this year; they should arrive in one to two week’s time from when I am writing this. By the time this posts, I should be a few days out from Day 1. Since I live mostly as a woman now, this is a natural next step, and it will move me that much further down the road. This is the final turn, however, as I would rather live as either Pre-Op or Non-Op MTF TG than have “The Operation”. That is my choice to make, and mine alone.

    Some background: I started an herbal regimen two years ago, without the faintest idea of what I was doing. I just knew I wanted to do something that would move me further on down the road. I have changed what I take, how much of it I take, and even when I take it. I have learned much. But the truth is that, after this amount of time on them, they have taken me about as far as they can possibly take me. They can only do so much to block certain things, and they are not nearly strong enough to make large-scale changes. Doubling the dosage only serves to cause a certain amount of them to pass through you and out. Your body will only process so much, anyway. Even with the addition of “Boob Mud”, there just is not enough phytoestrogens to move me any further. In short…I ‘m stuck at this point.

    “Why now?”, you ask. Why not? It isn’t like I have been hiding the fact I have been looking into info on the topic, checking prices, availability, compatibility with my existing meds, etc. And at the point in life where I am at, I have come to the conclusion that I either continue moving forward…or stop altogether. Some would say that, by stating it in that way, I am trying to determine whether or not I want to return to being male. Not totally true. I cannot remain in limbo indefinitely, and right now, being in this state of being, I have had to determine how serious I am at becoming the woman I should be. Either I do this, or I quit doing it. Thus, this is what I feel I need to do for me to move into the realm of nearly full-time. In short: My goal is to live the balance of the rest of my life as Rev. MaryJayne Minako Sakura, DPrM, DD...and never look back again.

    Truth be told, it is a little scary. I KNOW that my body will start to change, and that, over time, certain things will become obvious. I am also excited, because for the first time in my life, I feel that I am getting closer to who (and I suppose if I must, what) I need to be…not what I was born as. I have never said of myself that I am a “Woman Trapped in a Man’s Body”; that is pure silliness to me. (I HAVE said that I am a Woman with Spare Parts, however.) As such, the time has come to move a little closer toward that womanhood. By staying with the herbs, there is a certain safety factor: I stop taking them, and in a month or so most of the stuff and any changes they brought will fade away. Hormones are forever, as are the changes they create. That is the scary part.

    Is it worth potentially having my life blow up in my face? Right now, I will be honest to you all and say that I am not totally sure. 6 months from now, I will have a better grab on that. I may stop after 3 months, or go much, much further. I just can’t say for sure right now. However, right now it looks really good, so I’ll leave it at that. I relish the thought of living more and more as a woman…regardless of the costs, which I say again I know to be potentially very, very high.

    So, why bother writing this all down? My website has always had as part of its continued existence, a certain educational function. Not just for me, but for anyone who takes the time to really read what I am saying. This article—and any updates—will be a part of that. I have pretty much maintained that the way I live is NOT for everyone, that one must think about what you are doing before doing it. If, by writing this stuff out, I can help one or two of you make a better, more informed decision about this way of living…then I am a happy woman.

    I will be keeping a running journal of how things go over time. The link to new stuff is below; check in often as it will probably part diary and part journal.

    Click here for what’s new!
    http://ladyjayne83.tripod[...]160.htm
    Living as the woman I am!
      December 8, 2003 6:38 PM GMT
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  • Thanks.
      December 11, 2003 3:21 AM GMT
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