Hello there. I am hoping to open another chapter in my life. My job is questionable waiting to see what will happen within the government or healthcare since I work in a nursing home. I would like to live as a women but my clothes and my finances are limited. The other thing is that where I work, they will not accept the change. I would like to visit a place where I can see about life there but with pricing as it is, it may not be easy. It almost looks like a weekend trip is about what I can do. I live in the Iowa great Lakes region which is about in the southern corner near the Minnesota border. Now where would I be able to find a strait lady to have a relationship with? Maybe that would come later in life. I am also looking for a way to get rid of unwanted hair where possibable.it may be hard to get or have family support for all of this as they would really be in shock, but I could see what happens down the road. When your known in this area with family living in the area as well it is not totally easy to come out of the closet and into the public Especially when there are 4 small towns close together and you live in one. If you know of items that I can get between 5 and 8 dollars tax included, in mainly undergarments would you please let me know.I could join a club but I have not talked to anyone within this region yet. I know that thru yahoo groups that there is a pride group for all people from gay/lesbien all the way to cd/tg ect. I do not deal with yahoo any more as I have too much junk mail that it appears to be full of. What do you suggest? want to know more about me? just read my profile. I have been out some dressed but not much and I have kept it covered. By the way, I did name myself Wendy Portland in second life although I was not there much. Any suggestions on a name? I am generally known in chat rooms as hairypeaches and not by my real name.

nathan

Hi Nathan.
I have just read your post (twice) and i realy think you need to have a realy good think about who you are and where you wish to go with regards to yourself :IE if you wish to live as one person or two . You start your post saying you wish to live as a female! if that is the case you will have to face up to it , you say you cannot afford much towards female things the easy answer is stop spending on male things as you will find suporting one sex alot cheaper than buying for 2 you should also find it more rewarding .
You have made a few questionable remarks on your post such as you wish to find a straight female! if you consider yourself female then she would have to be gay to accept you as a female as you would basicly be 2 females . I could go on but i think you should have a realy good long think about things then decide which road to take , limbo is not a nice place but untill you are sure its proberbly the best place for you .
Take care and i wish you all the best for your future . Julia x

Dear Julia,

I am not sure if you have read my profile, but let me update you on how my life has been. Way back when I was young my mother was questioning me as to why I was in her closet.. I did not say much. I loved it but was bearing that only for so long and then putting the outfit back. I moved when my folks did. I covered things up where I could and did not say much to questions or my mother being upset a bit. That was during my high school days which living in a small town in the u.s. almost everyone knew who I was. My father then worked as a minister for a Lutheran church. Now, during school, I was found to be lacking in education, so I was sent to what is called "special education". I ended up being mainstreamed there due to not being able to handle regular classes Now, some years after graduating and moving a third time or so, I began to take some of my mothers things. She does not know. They and my brother live near me, while my sisters live just a few hours away in the next state. I wore a top one night at my sisters and it shocked her when she saw it. She questioned her kids but they did not see anything. I did change out of it for the day. Therefore I can not change and have my family see the change. It would be a bit hard for what they would say and think besides who would find out within this this area of 4 small towns all next to each other. I work at a nursing home and tried to change but got in trouble somewhat for doing so. As far as a relationship I would think that gay with a strait female would sound right to me. She would be a regular strait women and I would be a woman when ever I could. I live in NW Iowa and my sisters live in the lower part of Minnesota. With my education as it is and finding a place that would accept me job wise is not easy here. I would like to live as 1 but half to settle for 2. How were you able to live life as you do currently? how did you know who to call yourself?

nathan

Nathan,
You seem to be very confused about you future. It would be best if you could seek some help from a Psychologist to see "where you stand" from a gender point of view.
As for your family situation....that is something you are going to have to work out for yourself between you and your family. Sometimes it's easier than you think..but you have to be determined to follow it through

Nathan, welcome to TW.

The problems you face are easy to deal with, but the results may not be. I am familiar with such mid-west communities and understand the social closeness/pressures of being unconventional there. You are going to have to decide what it is you want and what price you are willing to pay for it. Balance your needs. Job transition is still a difficult area. You may find you do better in a different environment. You may indeed lose friends and family. You may not. The only thing my mother did differently was give me some female clothes. My brother turned out to be moderately Queer-phobic, which I never expected. I've lost no "friends" yet, but I expect to when I come "Out" to them. You have to be mentally and emotionally prepared for the consequences of your actions. Your degree of being transgender and your ability to cope with these consequences will determine what course you should take. Take time to make your decisions. You cannot put the Genie back in the bottle once it's out. I started to come out when I decided it was more important to me than losing people from my life, if they so chose. In retrospect, it took my closest, male friend over two years to notice I had pierced ears and wore studs. You can guess, but you just do not know how people will react. Watch and listen.

For clothing, try thrift shops where you are not recognized to keep your "stealthy" status. That and Internet stores...just make sure you have your measurements ( which may match three "sizes") to choose sizes. Shoes are the same. Payless Shoe source gives inch measurements of male and female shoes allowing you to compare your male and female sizes for THEIR shoes.

What to call yourself? I get confused on that one. I hardly ever use my birth name. I use initials or a nickname.

Read, listen, chat, learn. They will all help you find your individual path to the real you.